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To my dearest love,
You are trapped in an eternity of my creation, you will live a thousand lives, you will go through a thousand games.
You are trapped.
I remember how we laughed as we planned. We thought of all the grief you would go through. And we laughed. It amused us.
I can't prove it but they're laughing now.
They cackled as you buried those you loved, I'm sure - it's just the kind of thing they do. They laugh at the pain they've caused. They laughed then, just as I'm certain they’re laughing at me now.
You watched people die, but you saved lives. You starved, but you learnt to cook. You learned what was poisonous, and learnt you could leave it out as a trap. You killed. You're a murder.
But you saved people. You did good. Doesn't that count for something? Somehow I don't seem to care either way.
The sun is up now, I watched it rise over bodies.
It reminds me of you, of that little sparkle in your eyes.
I put the bodies there. I killed your friends, just as I killed the spark in your eyes. I'm a monster.
I'm glad you'll never see this, my confession drowned by red.
Maybe I'm the killer.
I held a sword and I slit their throats. I watched their blood seep onto my hands, just as I watch it form a puddle now.
That’s what killers do, is it not? I'd be the one to know wouldn't I?
I was the one who grabbed an axe and smashed in their heads afterall.
There was fear, as you would've called it, in their eyes. But it doesn't matter now. They're dead now. They deserved to die.
I killed and I killed. And if it happened again I would not be sorry. Not if it would bring you back. From wherever you are
Why? Why did you go?
Why did you leave me
I hate you. I fucking hate you.
I hate you and your love. Your charm. Your joy. Your jokes. Your stupid fucking delusion.
You told me I could be happy.
You promised.You promised me.
I suppose I can't complain
I brought you here - I caused this - and you still fucking saved me.
You told me we could live. I was promised a life.
We’ll live again I suppose. In the next games.
You wont remember. Maybe I won't either. Though I suppose they wouldn't be so kind as to let me forget.
This is my confession. It's not much but you'll know what it means.
I did this, I brought us here. I said I'd watch over you - make sure you all behaved, make sure it all went to plan. and instead I fell for you. Like a stupid giddy human, I fell for you and all your delusions - your spark.
You're the only one who matters now. You could've lived. I'm sorry you didn't.
My dearest love, I'm so sorry. I was so wrong. You aren't evil. You aren't a puppet for our games. I'm sorry.
I love you. And for that I'll be forever sorry.
— Your love, who hopes he can join you soon —
My hands are covered in blood, I think they might be stained forever.
In the end that's all it came down to. Me and him, our weapons nowhere to be seen. My hand over the wound- the one that would end it all. The wound I made.
A look of horror in my eyes, a look of love in his. I will never know how he stayed so full of love; of joy. There is no joy now, except perhaps at the prospect of joining him once more. That is a bitter sweet joy. Just out of reach, a delusion.
If only you were here my love, you would be so glad I'd started learning the lessons you tried to hard to teach me.
‘Find a way’ you would say. Find a way to love, a way to be happy, to start over.
I'm not sure such a way exists.
Oh my love, I wish you were here.
I turn to you now, away from the drop that seems to be getting ever so close. I see your body, my confession laid atop your chest.
It is impossible to build a proper grave here in the desert - we tried once before.
It would've have survived in the end either way - they would find joy in ruining your resting place.
You would understand, I'm sure. You always did seem to understand
I let a tear fall now, a single sign of my loss.
Oh my dear, I love you so much. I hope you can understand. I hope you do not hate me for all I did. I hope you know it was for you.
I let out my final breath, take my last look at you - at this version of you at least.
I will miss you and your memories.
I take my final step, embracing the grasp of death.
He will not come for me, but I can try - if that is all I can do to return to you.
I hope we can find love again, in your last life.