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Slowly he walked into the school, ignoring the concerned glances of his friends. He didn’t look up from his shoes, didn’t want to look in their eyes, to see their pity. He didn’t need their pity, didn’t even deserve it.
Just as he wanted to close his locker to go to chemistry he noticed the small keychain with the howling wolf lying in one corner. A wave of sadness crushed down over him as he grabbed it tightly in his hand, holding it against his chest. A strangled sob ripped from his throat and he looked at the chain, one last time, before he threw it into the rubbish bin. Just like the wolf he got it from had thrown his heart away.
This was enough. Enough hurt for one person, enough unbearable pain. He didn’t want to feel anything anymore. Thus he wouldn’t allow himself to feel anymore. He closed his eyes, taking a couple of deep breaths and searched for the spark somewhere inside him. He just had to believe.
„Hey man. You okay?“; Scott asked, concern obvious in his voice.
A wide grin spread Stiles‘ lips as he looked over to his best friend.
„All good, bro. Let’s go before we get detention.“
He ignored the shocked face of his best friend as he realized that there was no lie in his words. No lies needed anymore.
By the end of the month Stiles noticed some pretty nice things. For one, without feelings he wasn’t as fidgety anymore, which resulted in him getting a lot better in school. He concentrated more and wasn’t such a klutz anymore. He didn’t talk as much and even Jackson stopped insulting him. Though he started to look at him with the same concerned look on his face like everyone else. Stiles was just glad he didn’t try to talk with him about whatever he thought was wrong because his father, Scott, Allison and even Lydia had already tried to do just that. Why couldn’t they just leave him alone? They should be glad that he was behaving more like a normal person. Finally.
„Stiles.“
„Hm?“, he acknowledged Scott and Allison standing next to his locker.
„Do you want to hang out with us? We want to train with the others. Might be funny when I beat up Jackson.“
Stiles closed his locker as he shook his head, a smile that didn’t reach his eyes on his face.
„Nah, have fun with the others. Be wary of Erica. She’s vicious.“
He drove home directly, although he knew his father would be there. Sheriff Stilinski was happy that his son was better in school now, calmer and didn’t show up at every crime scene anymore. He was not happy that he hadn’t seen his son show any real emotion in almost a month. That he didn’t even seem to feel anything anymore. It was scaring him to no end and he didn’t know what to do anymore. He already thought of himself as a crappy father. After his wife, Stiles‘ mother, died he broke down. He didn’t do anything anymore, frankly didn’t care anymore. Almost two years went by until he really registered he still had a son. A son that had lost his mother. A son who took care of his father, the household and himself. A son who had been alone for two years.
It hurt to see his little boy being forced to grow up with all this supernatural stuff. After that there was nothing he could have saved. He knew that. He had seen the fake smiles and reassurances that everything was alright. But the smiles now? The whiskey-colored eyes, glowing with curiosity and mischief? They were empty. No emotions, nothing. Just that. Empty. There was nothing he could do to change that.
And Stiles wanted it no other way.