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I was looking for some snacks at Hopper's cabin when I heard noises coming from El's room. I went over and looked through the crack in the half-open door, but it wasn't El. How could it be? She was with the others in the living room, waiting for Murray to give the signal for her and Hopper to join him and be the first to descend into the Upside Down.
It was Mike, who had gotten up to "go to the bathroom" a few minutes ago. He was sitting on the bed, covering his face with his hands while he cried.
"Mike?" I said, confused when I saw him. I'd almost never seen him cry. The last time was when we left for California. Overwhelmed by my appearance, he quickly wiped away his tears.
"Hey, Will."
"Umm,Were you crying?"
I went into the room and kept a safe distance between us not to make him uncomfortable, especially after what had happened earlier.
Speaking of which, I'm not really sure how Mike took it. He came to hug me like everyone else; of course, he wasn't going to just sit there, that would have been weird. But what if he sees me differently now and doesn't want to be my friend anymore?
That was one of the main reasons I didn't want to accept myself, much less share it with others—the fear that they would distance themselves from me, especially Mike. But I haven't had any other choice. I just hope he didn't undestanded or even doubt whether I was referring to him when I talked about my "Tammy." That would make things much worse, especially since he isn't my Tammy, he has never been, and he Will never be. He's something much more important than a Tammy.
"What? No," he said, shocked. "Why would I be crying?"
I settled myself on the bed, putting my hands on the edge, quickly thinking of something to say that didn't include what had happened in the living room a few minutes ago.
"I don't know, maybe because in two hours we're going to be inside a dimension full of monsters trying to stop a demon from crashing another world into ours to destroy both?" I said ironically. Mike reacted relieved.
"Oh, right," he chuckled. "You mean... that?" He looked at me right after I spoke. I wasn't quite sure what that meant, but we stayed for what felt like hours in an awkward silence that I didn't know how to break. I was too nervous because of The situation, so I decided to bring up possibly the worst topic I could to break the strange tension between us.
"Hey, I, I'm sorry if I..." I started to say until Mike interrupted me as if he was running out of time to say what he was thinking, which made sense because technically the world was ending.
"What's a tammy?" he said, with a mixture of anger and sadness in his voice.
I was getting more and more confused. Shit, had he understood it? Had he understood that he was the person I'd been daydreaming with for the last five years?
Now it was all over. I was going to lose the only person who truly understood me in my entire life because of a stupid, subtle comment about being in love with him. Because now I wouldn't be able to lie to him, because he knew me so well he'd notice.
"What?" I replied without thinking much, because if I spent two more seconds thinking about the possible outcomes of this conversation, I was going to go crazy.
"If I'm your Tammy, then I'd like to know what it is," he responded, surprisingly sure of what he was saying, without hesitating to state that his friend—well, best friend—had feelings for him.
"H-how do you know it's you?" I replied, hoping he'd think I was wrong and this conversation would end there, although deep down I wanted Mike to know so I wouldn't have to keep carrying the weight of being in love with my best friend, a guy, who, until a year ago, was dating the girl who is now my sister.
At that moment, I saw a flicker of doubt in his eyes, which vanished as soon as he started speaking.
"Well, maybe when you said it, you looked at me a lot more than at the others, and it is not that I want to sound egocentric but whatever a Tammy is, I don't think It’s going to be Lucas or Dustin."
I gave him a half-smile to let him know he was right.
I know Mike just wanted to break the tension and make me laugh, but I was so confused I couldn't react.
Was this his way of telling me he didn't want to keep talking to me? Or was it to let me know he supports me and we can still be friends? A friendship that, in the end, will always be fake because I can't spend more than two minutes with him without looking at him and imagining what our life together would be like.
"Mike, I'm going to be honest with you." When those words came out of my mouth, I couldn't help not letting out a small tear, which was soon joined by more. "I think the whole 'tammy' thing is nonsense right now, especially since that's not even what I really feel. I don't know why I said that. But, well, it's really hard for me to say this, and I've tried to avoid this conversation in every way possible, but I can't look you in the face and lie to you, not to you. I think—I think I'm in love with you. I guess I have been for a while, even though I didn't really realize what that feeling was until recently, or ,much less accept it. But now I do, and I know this is like the worst thing that could happen because you're the person who understands me the most, knows me best; you're my best friend, Fuck, and I don't want to lose you, but I also wouldn't blame you for distancing yourself from me."
I don't know how I managed to say all that with the lump that had formed in my throat. I wanted to keep talking; I had so many things to say that I could sit in front of him for hours sharing how I felt, but I couldn't. I was incapable. I couldn't hold back the tears any longer, and when I finally mustered the courage to lift my head and look Mike in the face, I saw that I wasn't the only one; a tear was rolling down his cheek.
"Will," he said, surprisingly cheerful. I was afraid, afraid of what he might say now. This moment would decide everything.
"Sometimes I don't understand how you can be so naive, being the Wise "
Okay, I expected many possible reactions, but that wasn't one of them.
"What?" I replied, feeling more and more lost in this conversation.
"Will, I'm not going to stop being your friend, I would never do that, don't you realize? I... I never really knew what I felt for you. I guess I was scared, scared of myself, but the moment you said that earlier in the living room, I understood everything." He paused, and before I could process a word of what he had just said, he continued, "I don't want to be your Tammy, I want to be your Mike.”
Mike slowly approached me, my heart began to race, and just as our faces were millimeters apart and I looked into his eyes, he kissed me.
MIKE HAD KISSED ME. A second later he pulled away and looked at me to see if this was okay, if he should continue, and I think the huge smile that spread across my face said it all.
He leaned in again and our lips met once more. This time it didn't catch me as off guard as before, although I was still nervous because it was my first kiss, and my mind couldn't process what was happening. Of all the things I thought could happen today (and they were pretty strange), the last thing I expected was to kiss Michael Wheeler, my best friend.
He placed one of his hands around my head while the other remained on the edge of the bed.
“Will?” I heard Robin shout from the hallway, interrupting the sort of trance I was in, and before we had time to react, she opened the door to check if I was there.
“We’re Hungry where are th…” Before she could finish the sentence, she saw us. Mike instantly pulled away from me and looked at Robin with fear, as if he’d just been caught robbing a bank. I was surprised by her arrival too, but after all, she was Robin; nothing was going to happen. And thanks to her, I was here. But of course, Mike didn’t know any of that.
“Okaay, I think I better go myself to get the chips,” she said nervously, before giving me a proud smile, closing the door, and leaving.
“Shit,” Mike said, running his hands through his hair. “Now she’ll go and—and tell everyone. I mean, it’s not that I’m ashamed of this, I mean, uh, it’s just that I don’t want her to…”
“Mike.” I said, grabbing his face, "Mike, relax, I'm not going to get mad or anything." I added with a little laugh, "I understand, it's nothing you need or are forced to do, but Robin isn't going to say anything, you can relax." Mike looked at me, puzzled.
"How do you know that?" Shit, now I had no way to explain it to him without telling him things he shouldn't know.
"Just trust me, okay? I know Robin, I know she won't tell anyone, and besides... Thanks to her, it was easier to give that speech earlier."
When I finished speaking, he looked at me and seemed more calm, I don't know how it happened, but suddenly we were hugging, and I don't even know how to explain the happiness I felt.
"You told Robin before you told me," he said, pulling away from the hug and pretending to be angry.
"Well, I don't like her, and I do like you, so I guess it was much easier with her. Besides, I didn't even say anything; I guess her radar figured it out."
Mike's eyes were shining as if he was excited to hear me say I liked him (I thought I'd made it clear when we kissed earlier).
"And how did she figure it out? I don't think the first thing that comes to your mind is that your friend likes ... well, you know." Before I could say anything, he continued, "Wait, does she like girls?" He said fearfully, as if he might have just blurted out the craziest thing in history:
“Well, I shouldn’t be the one to tell you, but…yes, thanks to what I’ve talked with her, and what she’s told me about her life, well, here we are.” Mike looked at me, relieved and happy, perhaps to know that he’s not the only person like this, that there’s nothing wrong with him inside. I wanted to tell him the truth because I’ve been thinking this for many years and deep down I still feel it, and I wouldn’t want him to go through the same thing; I wasn’t going to allow it.
“Now everything makes sense. To be honest, until today I thought there was something between you two or something like that…”
I laughed. “No, no, no, we’re friends. Robin is a really good person; you should talk to her. And well, if you like guys, She Will likr you, believe me.” Shit, I shouldn’t have said that.
Mike tensed up as I was talking. Bringing this up hadn't been a good idea. I didn't expect him to say or find out anything about himselve right now, and I didn't know how to fix it. "Will, I... I don't know if I want to tell anyone else this, for now," he said, again, as if holding back tears.
"Mike, listen to me, you don't have to. I don't know what will happen between us from now on, but you don't have to know how you feel,or much less share it with anyone. This is something that can stay between us. Okay?,and now… Robin”
I hugged him as soon as I finished speaking. He seemed much calmer now as he returned the hug, which seemed like it would never end.
"We have a lot to talk about and explain, but I love you, Mike, and you can count on me for anything, okay? If you feel bad or if something's wrong with you, talk to me," I continued.
"The truth is, I haven't understood this for a long time, and it never would have crossed my mind that all those things I felt when I was with you werelove.Or that that was even possible. But earlier, when I kissed you, I really forgot everything," Mike said with a small smile.
"Will?"
"What?" I replied, looking at his lips.
"Do you—do you want us to be…"
He was having a hard time saying it, so I decided to nod and lean in to kiss him. I guess he took it well, because he came up to me and grabbed me to kiss me, not caring if someone came in or saw us, not caring about anything, just us, in Hopper's cabin, kissing. And that's when I realized this was the moment I'd been imagining and waiting for for years, and I couldn't be happier.
When we separated, he looked at me and said,
"Will, I need you to be very careful down there. I can't let the world end now that we're... boyfriends."
He sayings that made my heart race. Hearing him say it and knowing that he liked me too, and that I hadn't been going crazy alone all these years
“No, don’t worry, Mike, we’ll manage to stop it, and then we’ll come back here and hang out whenever we want and… we'll be together.” Mike smiled even more and kissed me on the cheek before getting up.
“We should go to the living room, they are probably waiting for us.” He walked towards the door and before turning the handle, he finished, “Oh, and you can tell Robin.” Now it was my turn to smile; I was excited to see her proud mother’s reaction.