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The faint beeps and clicks of the Hail Mary slowly faded in as Simon opened his eyes. Seeing as Rocky didn’t need light to see, most of the lights on the ship were turned off to allow Grace and Simon a chance to sleep.
Simon took a moment to calm himself. The memory of his nightmare was fading, but he’d relived it at night often enough that it was ingrained in his brain; the blood had soaked into every cell of his body, contorting and twisting his flesh into something else, something monstrous. He also often dreamed of a tree sprouting at the bottom of the blood ocean, not unlike the tree at the center of Eden. He didn’t understand the importance of that dream, but he held his sapling pendant closer to his chest those nights.
He never gave up wanting to live, but he’d come to terms with the fact that his life simply didn’t matter in the face of making sure the COI got the black box data. He prayed to the deity he didn’t know if he even believed in anymore that he’d succeeded, that the box floated to the surface and into the hands of the COI.
Gently massaging what remained of this left arm, Simon took another glance around the room, his eyes having adjusted and his mind more firmly placed within his body. It looked the same as when he went to sleep, except for Grace sprawled in his bunk, his blankets somehow twisted around him like they were trying to suffocate him. How he slept comfortably like that, Simon had no clue. He was not afraid to admit he’d become a little claustrophobic after his “excursion” in the Iron Lung.
Ok… Maybe a lot claustrophobic.
Thankfully, the force created from Mary’s acceleration acted as gravity, meaning they didn’t need to strap themselves down to sleep. Simon was in the process of throwing his blankets off when he heard a whimper from the bunk across the room.
Grace was now attempting to roll side-to-side in his bunk, but his blankets were holding him in place. Within seconds, his pitiful whines turned into genuine pleas for help. Cries of “No, please, I don’t want to die, you’re killing me," rang in Simon’s ears as the man sat frozen in his own bunk. He’d known Grace had the occasional nightmare, had heard about them from Rocky, and knew they had something to do with someone named Stratt, but that was it. The nightmares were fairly rare, and Simon had never slept at the same time as Grace—usually, only one of them slept at once; that way, there was always someone around to help—so he never saw the aftermath.
Finally, Grace managed to wake himself up by falling out of his bed. He quickly sat up and started taking in gulps of air. Simon saw tears streaming down the teacher’s face as he tried to calm himself.
The rhythmic ting, ting, ting of Rocky’s ball grew louder as the Eridian rolled into the room and straight to Grace, who threw himself on the ball as soon as it was in reach.
“Grace, nightmare, question?” Rocky asked through the translator.
Despite Rocky seemingly facing Grace, Simon had a feeling the question was for him. “Yeah. Seemed like a bad one.”
“All nightmares bad. Not like yours. Yours bad, bad, bad. His bad. Same but different.”
“Similar. The word you’re looking for is similar,” Grace spoke as he finally slid off Rocky’s ball and back onto his blanket pile. He seemed much calmer as he wiped his face and put his glasses on.
“You ok?” Simon asked when Grace seemed more put together.
“Yeah. I-I’m ok. I haven’t had one that bad in a while.”
“Because Grace tired, statement. Grace sleep more, Grace have less nightmares.”
“I know, buddy.” Instead of climbing back into bed, Grace readjusted the blankets on the floor and lay down. Simon didn’t know how he knew Rocky wanted to lie on Grace’s chest but didn’t because of his weight, considering the rock spider/crab didn’t have a face, but he did. Rocky instead rolled his ball as close to Grace as he could before he lay down beside him.
Simon knew he wasn’t going back to sleep anytime soon, so he threw his blankets off and was about to get up when Grace spoke up again.
“Have I told you how I ended up out here?”
Most of his own arrival on the Hail Mary was a blur of pain and fear. He had been through hell, and, after supposedly drowning in a sub full of mutated, human blood, waking up on a strange ship with an angel and a rock alien sent him over the edge. He vaguely remembered Grace rambling about being a teacher and not knowing why he was there, but he didn’t know how much of that he’d misremembered.
“No, not really,” Simon simply replied instead, settling back down on his bunk.
“I wasn’t alone originally. There were two others with me: Ilyukhina and Yao. They both died in transit.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t know them very well. Or, if I did, I don’t remember. Originally, someone else was supposed to come in my place, but they died in a lab explosion before launch. But, looking back now, I think I was always the first choice.”
Simon was confused now. “Wait, didn’t you say you were a school teacher? Why would you be in the running at all for a space mission? How did you even get involved?”
“I was a biologist before I became a teacher. I wrote and defended a paper arguing that water is unimportant in evolution, which already had me on the outskirts of the community, but they fired and black-listed me when I called an important person in the field a ‘staggering waste of carbon.’”
Both Rocky and Simon let out little giggles. “Well, was he?”
Even in the dark, Simon could see Grace smile. “Oh yeah. Definitely. But, I guess that was unprofessional or whatever, because the only job I could get in my field after that was a middle-school science teacher.” The room was silent for a moment as Grace seemed to reminisce about his teaching days. “It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I didn’t want to leave them.”
“Then why did you?”
Grace turned to look at Simon, then turned to look back at the ceiling. “Stratt approached me to study the Astrophage because of that paper. I became one of the lead researchers and helped teach the astronauts all about it and how they would be using it as fuel. Then the explosion happened, and suddenly I was being asked to replace the scientist.”
“But you said no.”
Grace’s breathing began to deepen as he tried not to cry. “But I said no. So they chased me across the compound, pinned me to the ground, drugged me, and threw me on the ship while I was unconscious, all without my consent.” He began to cry. “I knew over a quarter of the population would die if I didn’t do it, but I was a coward, and I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t think I could.”
One strong arm wrapped around Grace and pulled him into a warm, solid surface as he began to sob. He’d been afraid before, but nothing had scared him as much as realizing he had no choice in the matter.
“You’re not a coward. Fear doesn’t make you a coward; it makes you human.”
“Grace not coward. Grace brave. Grace Rocky heroes, statement. And Simon.”
That elicited a laugh from Grace, which helped him to catch his breath and calm back down.
“You’re not a coward,” Simon repeated, releasing his grip on Grace before he sat back to see him better. “If that makes you a coward, then that means I’m a coward, and I may be a lot of things, but I know I’m not a coward.”
“No, of course you’re not a coward!” Grace protested.
“Then why are you?” Simon hated it, but he could feel himself starting to lose his cool as Grace didn’t seem to understand.
“Because I knew the risks, and I still couldn’t do it! I let my fear prevent me from attempting to save the planet.”
“I didn’t want to do my mission either! I made a deal for it, but I didn’t know what I’d agreed to until they welded me into a death trap with no way out.”
That seemed to take the wind out of Grace’s sails. Even Rocky seemed to freeze.
Simon took a deep breath. He didn’t particularly want to talk about his past, but he figured he owed it to the man. “I was a prisoner. Eden had destroyed an important space station despite my best efforts, and when the dust settled, I was left with the blame. The COI gave me two options: serve out my sentence for the rest of my life in a dark, windowless hole, or earn my freedom by doing a mission for them. Obviously, I chose a chance for freedom. I was conscious, but I don’t really remember much between agreeing to the deal and being welded into the sub.”
“They didn’t tell you anything?”
“They said they would be sending me to explore AT-5 to look for something, but they wouldn’t even tell me what. They lied to and kept things from me at every turn. I didn’t even know there was anything alive down there until it tossed the fucking sub.”
“So we were both given the illusion of a choice.”
“Yeah. Had I known what would happen, I would’ve said no. The mission was for the greater good, but no way in hell was I going to volunteer for that shit.”
“Grace, Simon, government bad, bad, bad,” Rocky said for the first time in a while.
Simon laughed. “Yeah, buddy. Our governments suck. I’m guessing yours is better?”
Rocky started jumping up and down in his ball, knocking it into Grace every time he landed. “Yes, yes. Eridian government good. No send on bad mission.”
When Rocky stopped jumping, Grace leaned against his ball. “Thanks, buddy. We appreciate it.”
After a moment, Simon asked, “Am I a coward?”
“No, of course not. You were coerced into a deal you didn’t understand the consequences of.”
“So can we agree that you aren’t a coward, either?”
Grace looked like he wanted to argue, but he blew out a breath and collapsed back against his blanket pile. “Fine, I’m not a coward. Happy?”
“Yes, very.”
“Amaze, amaze, amaze. Grace Simon no coward. Grace stubborn, but Simon, Rocky more.” Rocky held his arm to the side of his ball. “Fist my bump.”
Grace sputtered as Simon smiled and fisted Rocky’s bump. “W-hang on now, you two can’t gang up on me. That’s not fair.”
“All’s fair in love and war,” Simon said before he let out a jaw-splitting yawn.
“I feel you. I’m too tired to move.”
In place of a response, Simon flopped on the blanket pile beside Grace. He knew he’d regret sleeping on the floor in the morning, or what constituted as morning on a space ship, but he didn’t feel like leaving Grace alone after such an emotional conversation, even if they’d still be in the same room. Grace grabbed an extra blanket and draped it across both of them as they got comfortable.
To give them more room, Rocky rolled to the doorway of the room. “Grace, Simon, sleep. Rocky not tired. Rocky watch.”
When Grace settled, he mumbled, “Goodnight, Rocky. Goodnight, Simon.” He was already falling asleep.
Simon reached over and plucked Grace’s glasses off his face, then folded and placed them on the man’s bunk. Glasses weren’t rare on Eden, but ones that were the right prescription were, so he knew very well the importance of keeping them clean and in one piece. He’d never understand Grace’s carelessness with them.
When he’d finished and lain down, Simon couldn’t help but admire Grace. Particularly how peaceful he looked when asleep, all his worries washed away. He wished he could see that look all the time, but more than that, he wished he was the cause of that look. On any other day, that thought would worry him, but he was too emotionally wrung out and physically tired to care. He’d think about that in the morning. Or a different day. Or never.
With Grace’s light snoring beside him and the melodic tones of Rocky humming something the translator either couldn’t pick up or translate, Simon was quickly falling asleep.
“Goodnight, Grace. Goodnight, Rocky.”
“Goodnight, Grace. Goodnight, Simon.”