Chapter Text
It’s been two weeks since everything happened. It’s been difficult to adjust to things, but the five of us have made our way, Caine helping in any way that he can.
I didn’t really ever sleep in my room anymore. Instead, I would sleep in the fort where we kept Jax. It hurts, but he’s still somewhere in there, that much is clear. I just miss him...so much. For days, I stayed in there with him to make sure he was okay that he’s still at least a little conscious.
~
Another week passes and I make myself comfortable on the small number of blankets and pillows I have set up beside him for myself. I lie on my side and look at the abstraction next to me. Dozens of his eyes are closed, quiet distorted noises coming from him that could be interpreted as snores. That’s when I notice something. Has he gotten..smaller? He wasn’t always this size, he was giant when he first entered. That and there were two black rabbit-like ears atop his head.
I furrow my brows in confusion. I’d never heard of an abstracted person’s form changing before, this couldn’t be normal, could it? I shake my head, take a deep breath, and close my eyes. It’s probably nothing. I haven’t slept in days, and even though we don’t need it, I feel exhausted. Drained. I’ve been looking after him for almost a month now.
Slumber takes over me and I eventually fall asleep next to Jax.
~Another week later~
The circus had undergone a lot of changes—a lot of positive ones. It feels more like a home. Zooble has their own bar attached to Gangle’s art studio, Ragatha eagerly trying to help anyone she possibly can.
I sit outside the tent after waking up another day, sighing.
“Hey…you okay?” I look up at the ragdoll in front of me. I didn’t realize how miserable I had looked, oops.
“Yeah, just…” I glance inside the tent, then back at Ragatha as she sits next to me. “…coming to terms with things, I guess,” I say, bringing my knees to my chest.
Even without looking at her, I can tell there’s a concerned frown on her face. A moment passes and I look down at the ground, thinking of the memories I had with Jax. Was it all for nothing? Did I not reach out enough? I should’ve tried harder. I should’ve kept pushing, demanding an answer from him. Maybe then he wouldn’t have suffered alone! Maybe..
“Pomni?” A hand waves in my face, snapping me out of my thoughts. I shake my head and look at Ragatha with raised brows.
“Hey…You did all you could. He’s lucky to have you.” The redhead nods, putting a hand on my shoulder, pausing before to make sure it was okay with me. It was something I always appreciated with her.
“Yeah, I know, I just—I wish I could’ve snapped him out of it. I wish he’d make fun of me, say a joke, anything. I know he’s listening, but..” I interrupt myself with a sigh, shaking my head. “…Sorry. I’m being selfish, this isn’t…about me.” I groan and bury my face in my hands. God, what am I thinking? He’s the one suffering, why am I thinking about myself?!
“It’s not selfish. It affects you too. It’ll take some getting used to, but…everything will work out, I’m sure of it.” She smiles in a way that makes me feel warm and safe. I return the gesture and look down.
“Thank you, Ragatha.”
~
It’s been a little over a month now. Things are finally starting to feel normal to a small extent. I look over at Jax who looks up at me with dozens of eyes blinking slowly. I smile softly and sit down next to him.
“I miss you, y’know,” I say, my voice cracking as I look at him. I take the risk and set my hand on what I assume is his cheek, not caring about the glitching that comes to my hand. A small distorted noise comes from him, but it isn’t aggressive. It sounds calm. At peace.
I smile and stand up, removing my hand, fixing it quickly with the help of Kinger’s conjuring lesson.
“I’ll be back later, okay?” I nod and give him one last look as I approach the exit of the tent. Several eyes blink slowly at me as I leave, closing to sleep once I’m gone.
I sigh and look around. Everyone has what seems like their own space. Ragatha has created a softball field out on the grounds, Kinger made what seems like an insectarium. Butterflies fly around on the inside of the enclosure, and plenty of other critters crawl around inside as well. A light chuckle escapes my lips as I watch.
I settle on a corner of the tent not too close to the others’ creations. My eyes narrow in thought, brainstorming ideas. If, just if, Jax really does get better, I want him to have a safe space to come to other than the tent.
It’s been hours. I left the tent in the morning and it’s gotta be past midnight at this point. I yawn and return next to Jax who looks confused about why I was gone for so long.
“Just making some stuff around the circus. Don’t worry about me.” I wave my hand dismissively and lie down. My eyes narrow as I look him over. He’s definitely gotten smaller again and the rabbit ears seem much more prominent now.
“Have you..why are you shrinking…?” I raise a brow, looking at him. His eyes open and his head tilts. He then does what I assume is supposed to be a shrug. He scoots closer to me and closes his eyes, earning a laugh to escape my mouth.
“Night, Jax.” I smile and close my eyes.
It seems to be the same thing day after day now, but it’s nice not to have to worry about dumb adventures. I’ve been working on Jax’s area for almost an entire week now, and it’s just about coming together.
I stand back and admire my work, a sense of pride in my chest.
CRASH
I gasp and everybody else immediately stops what they’re doing. I don’t waste another second and sprint inside the tent, freezing at the sight.
Jax is now a shadowy form of his original form, eyes all over his body. His rabbit ears curl forward in distress as he holds his head in his hands. I immediately snap out of it and run over. “Jax?! Jax, hey! It’s okay!” I hold onto his arms, ignoring the sharp shock of pain that comes from the glitching.
“Wha—at’s happeni—ng?!” The rabbit says, pain evident in his voice as he shivers. “You’re—I-I don’t know, you’re healing or something..?! CAINE!!” I shout for the former ringmaster and he floats in almost immediately.
“What’s happening with him?! Why does he look more..like him again? Is that good?!” I ask in distress, holding onto Jax’s arm still. Caine looks equally confused. “He's..I’ve never seen this before—He’s un..abstracting?!” He says, taking a closer look.
Jax groans in pain before he suddenly collapses, knocked out.
“Jax?!” I kneel down quickly, shaking him. “Hey! Hey, wake up! You’re okay, you’re doing great!”I say desperately as the others run in. “Come on!” I don’t even notice the tears running down my face until they begin to flood my vision entirely. I sob and hold onto him like he’s all I have left in the world.
Zooble walks up and gives a concerned look to Jax and I. “Hey, give him some time. He probably just needs some rest.” They say, their voice softer than I’ve ever heard it before.
I wipe my eyes and sniffle with a cough, nodding. I reluctantly let go of him and help him lie back down.
“I don’t wanna get my hopes up…” I manage to get the words out after sobs interrupt my previous attempts. “He’s stubborn. He’ll fight through it, trust me.” Ragatha chimes in.
I nod and sit there, looking down at him. Zooble, Gangle, and Kinger eventually leave to give us space, I assume. Ragatha remains for a few more minutes before she makes her leave as well.
~
I don’t even know how much time has passed. I haven’t been counting. All I know is it’s been more than a day or two. All I’ve done is watch him sleep, silently begging him to get better. Will this be another thing to crush my hopes? His body has slowly returned back to its normal color, but some black spots still remain, eyes closed all over them.
My eyelids feel heavy, it’s had to be a week by now. Something like that. But just as I’m about to lie down, a groan escapes the rabbit’s lips. I jolt up in shock and wide eyes.
“J-Jax..?” I ask as his eyes weakly flicker open. I scoot over and hover over him, watching his vision focus on me.
“Pom…?” He says, with a slight glitch in his voice.
“Yeah, it’s me. I’m here.” I nod quickly, grabbing his hand desperately. I can’t let him go again. Not this time.
“What...are we still in tha—at tent...thing…? M-My…memory is…” He says, furrowing his brows and trying to remember. “Yeah, you’ve been here the whole time. I’ve been right here next to you.” I say, looking into his tired eyes like it’s the only thing keeping me alive. I feel like my heart is going to pump out of my chest, I could be sick.
“I’m…so—rry...” He says, shutting his eyes tightly. I shake my head quickly and tighten my grip on his hand. “Don’t apologize. Don’t...think about anything that happened, okay? Everyone is okay, we’re all safe.” I shut his apology down almost immediately. I can’t afford to let any more negative thoughts cloud his hazy mind.
“Just breathe.” I guide him as he tries to sit up. I place a hand on his back, slowly helping him upright. I grab onto his other hand as he obliges, slowly calming down. Becoming whole again. Eyes on his skin begin to fade out and chunks of black delete one piece at a time.
“Yeah, that’s it…you’re doing amazing.” I smile, watching his closed eyes focus on his composure. There’s one last piece on his arm and it slowly breaks down until the last piece is finally gone.
Jax slowly opens his eyes, his brows raising. “P..Pomni…?” He looks me in the eyes as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing.
A nervous laugh escapes my mouth and I nod. “Yeah, I’m still here.” I comfort him, rubbing my thumb across the top of his hand. He looks down at our hands and then back at me again.
He sighs and quickly pulls me into a tight hug, startling me. I quickly melt into it though, wrapping my arms around him.
“…You had me worried sick, y’know.” I sniffle into his shoulder. “I ca—*We* care about you…a lot more than you realize.” I remind the rabbit, turning my head to face the side of his own. He doesn’t respond, he just tightens his grip on me and sniffles.
It feels like time stopped in that moment. I don’t even know how much time passed before we finally let go.
“You hungry..?” I tilt my head, looking at him. “We don’t need to eat, stupid...” He rubs his eyes and I roll my own.
“C’mon. What do you feel like having?” I smile, lightly hitting his shoulder.
“Uh…Spaghetti? I don’t know..” He looks confused at the question.
I close my eyes and clasp my hands together, focusing. A plate of spaghetti then quickly spawns on the ground in between them.
I’ve never seen him look so confused, impressed, and shocked at the same time. He keeps looking down at the plate and at me, wondering how the hell I did it.
“Conjuring. Kinger taught us all. It’s a lot more fun than you can even think.” I chuckle, picking up the plate and putting it in his hands. “C’mon, I focused real hard to make that one.” I joke and he chuckles, shaking his head. “Alright, fine.”
He takes a bite and his eyes widen, pupils dilating. “I’m...taking that as a good sign?” I laugh, raising a brow.
“This is the best shit I’ve ever had.” He says, scarfing down the plate. I laugh behind my knuckles. “Oh, shut up. It can’t be that good.” I say. I can’t deny how good it felt to hear him say that though. I’d felt like I’d been letting everyone down lately with how much I’ve just laid in this tent and have barely helped. It’s nice to think I can do something good for someone.
“No, seriously! Eat it!” The rabbit twirls some up onto the fork and pushes it towards my mouth. “No, eww! You probably like—spit in it or something!” I say, pushing him away in my fit of laughter.
“Come on! Just one bite!” He insists, waving the fork around my face.
“Ugh, fine. Weirdo.” I smile and bite the fork.
Oh my god.
My eyes widen, looking at the other.
“Told ya so.” He chuckles. I twirl some more noodles up with a smirk. “Hey! That’s my magical mind spaghetti!” He laughs and tries to reach the plate. I smile, noodles hanging out of my mouth, trying not to laugh.
He smirks and inches closer to bite the ends of the noodles hanging from my chin.
The two of us didn’t realize how awkward that would be until it happened.
All I see is his giant eyes shocked in front of mine which I’m sure look just the same before we both quickly pull away.
“Sorry, I—” I start.
“No, that was me, I—Ugh…” He groans, burying his face in his hands.
“It’s fine. It never happened, my lips are sealed.” I nod, grabbing his hand.
“Wow, that’s a first.” He chuckles, trying to force out a joke.
“Pot calling the kettle black.” I raise an unamused brow, grinning at the other. God, he can be such an asshole, but I don’t mind it. He’s still..here. Conscious. With me.
“Do you think you can walk?” I ask him, setting the plate aside and wiping my mouth with a napkin I conjured.
“Uh…I guess I can try.” The rabbit stands up slowly, his legs shaky. I snort, trying to hide my chuckle. “Here, I’ll help, little baby fawn,” I smirk, grabbing his hand yet again.
He rolls his eyes and takes a few steps. “So, where are you taking me? The magical mind spaghetti factory?” He asks, looking down at me.
“Nope. We gotta go see the others first.” I shake my head and he stops quickly.
“Oh, did you…not—“
“I...No, I…I can. I just…God—Don’t they hate me?” He says with a sigh like he’d be disappointed if they didn’t.
“They don’t hate you. They’ve been just as worried for you. Trust me, if they did, you wouldn’t have this tent.” I shake my head, shutting down his doubts immediately.
He hesitates and looks down. It’s like I can hear his thoughts. I know he’s doubting himself, thinking he doesn’t deserve this.
“Do you wanna wait?” I ask, turning to stand in front of him, his two hands in my own now. “No, I…It’s fine. It’s not fair to make them wait.” Jax shakes his head, dismissing his thoughts.
I look concerned and try to read his face. He looks so unsure and nervous. Like he’s never met these people in his life. “Are you sure? It’s fine if you want to. I’m sure they’d understand.” I remind him, a frown forming on my face.
Jax takes a deep breath.
“It’s okay. I’ll have to eventually, right? I owe them an apology.” He clears his throat, looking away in shame.
“…Okay. But if you want to go back in the tent, just tell me and we’ll go back the second you say so.” I say firmly and he nods in understanding.
I step outside the tent, poking my head out with Jax behind me hidden by some of the curtains.
“Uh…guys?” I call out. “Can you come out to the front?” I say, making sure everyone can hear.
Soon enough, all four of them gather in front of the tent, worried looks on their faces. I slowly step outside of the tent with Jax holding my hand. He’s holding his arm with his other hand and avoiding looking at any of their faces.
I look up at him and then at the others who, as expected, have shocked expressions plastered across all their faces.
“He’s uh…still a bit nervous, but...” I start awkwardly before Jax steps out from behind me and beside me instead.
“I’m…sorry.” He says after a deep breath, looking uncomfortably at the others. “I know that doesn’t make up for what I’ve done, that’s obvious. But…I just…I wanted to say it anyway.” He swallows and looks back down.
Silence forms across the main area as everyone processes what just happened.
Ragatha is the first to step forward with a sad smile. She walks up to Jax who tenses up, expecting her to call him out. She should, anyway.
But instead, she wraps her arms around him and pulls him close. Jax gasps, not expecting this at all, of course. “Wh..” He stutters, not even sure how to react.
Kinger walks up and does the same before Gangle and Zooble follow. I look up at him with nothing but love in my eyes as I join in.
God, this feels so corny. But I don’t care and I don’t think he does either.
“I…” He sniffles, looking at the others before he breaks out in a sob, burying his head in Ragatha’s shoulder.
Minutes pass as they just let him cry it out. Something none of them have seen him do in a very long time.
They eventually pull away and Jax sniffles, wiping his eyes. “That was so cringy…” He laughs through his tears. “Oh, shut up. You enjoyed it.” Zooble rolls their eyes teasingly.
“…Thank you, guys.” He sniffles, looking away with an embarrassed smile.
A thought suddenly pops into my head. How could I forget?
“Oh! I have something to show you!” I grab his hand and drag him along, making him trip over his feet a few times before catching up.
“Huh? Where’re we going to?!” He asks as I stop suddenly, making him almost trip yet another time.
I conjure a blindfold and gesture for him to lean down. When he does so, I wrap the cloth around his giant eyes and tie it tight in the back. “There we go! No peeking.” I smile as he stands back up.
“What are you plotting...” He snorts, following after me, careful not to trip for the millionth time.
“You’ll see. Keep it on until I say so!” I instruct, pointing a finger at him as if he can see it.
“Whatever. Yes, ma'am.” He chuckles and stumbles as I suddenly stop again.
“We’re here.” I guide his hands to the handles of the doors before untying the blindfold.
When he opens the door, he freezes at the sight.
I put everything I could remember him mentioning or even showing little interest in. There’s a wide empty wall with a shelf of spray paint next to it, a grand piano in the corner, a Little Mermaid poster, a tall bookshelf, a various closet, and a TV on the wall across from the bed.
Instead of the pink walls in his room that mock him, the walls are painted a comforting lavender and have a couple of couches lined up against them. A wide pastel yellow and fluffy rug spreads across the floorboards which are a warm brown.
“Wh—How did…” He’s at a loss for words, trying to find any way to react to this. I can tell he’s surprised that I even remembered some of these things. Even things he only mentioned maybe once ages ago. Things so insignificant that he can’t even remember telling me at all.
“This is why I was gone from the tent for so long some days.” I laugh awkwardly. “I tried fitting everything I could think of that you like. I heard you mention anime a few times with Gangle? That’s what the bookshelves are for. The anime..books.” I say, trying to remember the word ‘manga’. My words seem like a blur in his long ears. He’s in shock, just staring at every detail put into this. How much love and appreciation is put into every single addition.
Before he knows it, tears are flooding his eyes again. “Dammit..” He says shakily and rubs his eyes with his hands. I quickly look up at him. “Whoa! Hey—Did I...get something wrong? I can get rid of it!” I say quickly, trying to remedy the situation. “I didn’t mea—“ I’m cut off by his arms squeezed around me as he collapses to the ground. He sobs into my shoulder.
“You’re crazy…” He says in between his cries, burying his face into my neck. “Why do you…care about me…so much…?” He sniffles, trying desperately to seek out what seems like such an impossible answer for him.
“Because you’re you. I love you for you.” I say and my face goes red the second the words leave my mouth. He quickly pulls away just enough to see my face, his own just as shocked as mine.
“I—I mean—! I just…I didn’t mean—!” I panic and the room feels like it’s suddenly become a hundred degrees hotter.
“I…I love you too..” He looks down, cutting me off and he’s somehow more red than me. He looks like he just admitted a secret he swore he would take to his grave.
The panic slowly washes off my face and a bashful grin forms across my face. A laugh escapes my lips and he quickly looks up.
“Wh—What’s so funny..?!” He says, feeling even more embarrassed now. He looks like steam could start coming out of his ears at this point.
“Just…you. It’s...it’s cute.” I smile and cup his cheek with a soft tenderness. I’ve never seen his eyes dilate faster in my life.
I laugh at his reaction. “What? You like that?” I snort, rubbing his cheek with my thumb. His eyes look away and his brows furrow, but he doesn’t deny it.
“My cute bunny,” I say before I plant a kiss on the top of his head. He sniffles and smiles at me like he’s just won at life. “Jeez, I've never seen you so..happy in my li—Is your tail wagging?!” I laugh, noticing it behind him, the small purple ball of fur shaking quickly.
His eyes widen and he shakes his head. “No! It just…does that! C-Caine made it do that randomly to—to embarrass me!” He quickly lies. Does he think I’m that stupid?
“Nice try. Caine doesn’t have control over the circus anymore.” I smirk with a raised brow, watching him fumble for excuses.
“I…Well, there’s…” He groans and his shoulders slump. “Alright, fine. Yeah, it is.” He nods, looking up at me.
I snicker and take mercy on him to not make him pass out..again. “C’mon, we’re gonna fill the walls in here with the stupidest shit.” I laugh and let go of him to run over and grab some spray paint cans, throwing some over at him.
Jax snorts and wipes his eyes, running over and immediately spraying lines and shapes all over like he’s had this in mind for ages now.
“Yknow, that’s a lot of red, blue, and yellow you’re using,” I smirk, noticing a pattern in his strokes.
“They’re primary colors! Of course, I’m using them! As if I’d be drawing you.” The rabbit chuckles, a smug grin on his face. He’s such a damn liar.
I roll my eyes and grab a mix of purples, pinks, and yellows of my own. Two can play at that game.