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Illuga’s body was always cold. Flins didn’t know it wasn’t normal, he never was close enough to humans to notice an average body temperature. He did notice Illuga was always cold, though Illuga would blame it on the weather.
Eventually Flins just accepted it as normal, he stopped questioning the cold skin every time Illuga would hold his hand. As a Fae Flins was normally cold, he just assumed based on Illuga that it was the same for humans.
If only he had known sooner, maybe things would have been different.
Illuga normally had chest pains, he always said it was from the coffee. The coffee he would drink in excess every night, just in case there was a wild hunt attack. Just in case one of the other light keepers had to step away from duty and he had to take their place. Just in case, oh what Flins would give to hear another just in case from Illuga now.
The last time they saw each other, the morning Illuga left on patrol, his fingers had looked a little blue. Flins remembers wondering if Illuga’s skin had always looked like that. He should have noticed. He tried to reason to himself that it must have happened so gradually that it was never obvious, but he should have known.
Illuga didn’t come back that day, he wasn’t supposed to, the patrol was supposed to be a week long job. He didn’t come back after a week, he never came back.
Flins can’t remember how long it took him to find Illuga. The other light keepers would say only a few hours, he would never ask. He didn’t want to know, he didn’t want to remember that day. Even though he knew he would never forget, it had been after all the very last time he saw Illuga.
He had gotten there too late to witness Illuga’s spirit cross over into the ley lines. He hoped against hope that Illuga would forgive him for not being there, even though he would never forgive himself.
Illuga, sweet Illuga had looked so peaceful when Flins had found him. Lying on the ground, looking as though the caffeine crash had finally caught up with him. As if he was finally getting the sleep he always claimed he didn’t need.
Flins had tried to wake him up, for two hours he tried. Illuga didn’t wake up, he never would, at least not in Teyvat.
There was a note in Illuga’s hand, half written and cut short just like his existence. ‘Flins…’ the letter read, the writing shaky and uneven. Illuga’s handwriting was never shaky nor uneven.
‘Flins, it..heart attack…wait for you.’ Those were the only words Flins had been able to make out from the letter.
He could only assume at the meaning, assuming that Illuga would be waiting for him at the next part of the journey. Waiting for him at whatever came next after death. And Illuga would be waiting for years.
Not because of anything Flins would or wouldn’t do, but simply because of what he is. As a Fae he could and would live for years thousands upon thousands of them.
Flins could only hope that when his time finally comes, he would still remember Illuga’s face, the way his voice sounded.
He wished he would have known sooner, about Illuga’s heart condition. Looking back on it now, it seems clear that Illuga knew or at least suspected his own condition. He never mentioned it though, Illuga never did like to talk about his problems.
Flins wishes he had.
He wishes he could tell Illuga, that even though he didn’t experience warmth the way humans did, with Illuga he always felt warm. Even when it was snowing, especially when it was snowing.
And since Illuga left, Flins has never felt that warmth again. Not even when he stands a breath away from a fire.
The days seem to be getting darker too. Like the sun had died along with Illuga, and the rest of the world has been cast into eternal night.
He hopes Illuga is warm, and safe and bathed in eternal light. He hopes, that the weight of the world is finally lifted off of Illuga’s shoulders.
He doesn’t know if it is, not yet at least.
So Flins does the only thing he can do, the only thing he has done. Every single night since Illuga left this world behind.
He sits nexts to Illuga’s headstone, with his and Illuga’s lanterns in hand. If he can’t be with Illuga right now to light up his world, then he will stay here with all that he has left of Illuga. And with their lanterns he will vigilantly guard his resting place.
Just until they can finally see each other again.