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One of the warmest memories Ghlai held was watching his grandmother knit on the porch of their old house, waiting for his school bus to arrive. Little Ghlai would run to her, drop his bag onto the wooden planks, and watch her turn a simple yarn into beautiful, intricate patterns.
She gently taught him how to turn colorful strings into warm sweaters, quilts, and scarves. Just watching her work relaxed him. By the time he turned twelve, he could knit initials into handkerchiefs and confidently take over a scarf when his grandmother’s hands grew too tired to continue.
Ghlai spent most of his childhood and pre-teen years living with his grandparents. His childhood was caught in the crossfire of his parents' messy divorce, and his pre-teen years were spent waiting out the aftermath as they fought over shared assets and tried to rebuild their separate lives. At first, every other weekend, one parent or the other would pick him up for an extravagant trip to compensate for their absence. Slowly, those visits descended into brief landline calls. His parents had gone from earning a comfortable, shared living to scrambling to fend for themselves and manage their individual duties toward their son.
Growing up, Ghlai learned to compromise on everything,a happy family, attention, and his own childhood. He forced himself to understand everyone else's circumstances, burying the ache of their absence. It hurt deeply, but he never felt angry. Disappointed? Absolutely. But never angry. Instead of learning how to love, he learned how fragile love could be. To him, love was something that required constant care. It was supposed to set you free, not bind you down. It was supposed to be selfless.
Selflessness was exactly where his parents had failed. They had succumbed to the night life of the stressful corporate world, out till too late into the night to unwind with friends after a long day, taking so much time for themselves that they only ever saw each other for a few quiet seconds before falling asleep.
Ghlai often compared love to the sun, the moon, and the Earth. The sun loved the moon enough to share its light without asking for anything in return. The moon loved the Earth so selflessly that it anchored its entire existence around it, never daring to crowd its space. And the Earth loved the moon right back, never stealing its freedom to dance or pulling it down. Out of the three, Ghlai loved the moon the most. It let him stare without blinding him, offering a quiet comfort at the end of an exhausting day, whether he watched it from the roof of his old childhood home or from his father’s current house.
He moved back into his father's house just as he was entering high school, though not really with him. His father had accepted an overseas job that came with paid housing, sending money every month and visiting only when he could. To fill the heavy silence after school, Ghlai turned back to the one thing that made his heart feel safe, knitting.
The transition from knitting to crocheting happened almost seamlessly. He bought a beginner DIY kit on a whim, and within weeks, he was designing his own patterns and buying every shade of yarn under the sun. By the time he started university, he had launched his own crochet Instagram page.
He named it ‘y.e.arning’, a play on ‘yarn’ and ‘yearn’. The page blew up unexpectedly, quickly filling his inbox with custom orders from couples looking for unique, handmade gifts for their partners.
A few people at his university knew the page belonged to him. His friends Gun and May knew, and they constantly begged him for freebies.Except for them, Ghlai rarely interacted with others, and because he shipped his orders directly through the mail, no one on campus had ever connected him to the account. He preferred it that way. He still remembered the harsh teasing he faced in school for having "gentle" hobbies like knitting and writing poetry. It was just who he was, soft-spoken and reserved, a stark contrast to how boys his age were expected to act.
His university was massive, housing countless majors, so it wasn't unusual to receive orders from students on campus. Ghlai had chosen aviation as his major. He had always been diligent, smart, and fiercely focused, traits that carried seamlessly into his adult life.
The only person who had ever managed to disrupt that focus was Punlee Sasin Phisut, or his Khun Phrachan , as he lovingly like to call him in his head, a moon that decided to show up even during the day. Just as he gazed at the moon during night, Ghlai found himself watching Khun Phrachan during the day, secretly hoping the nighttime moon wouldn't find out his affection had been split in half.
They had briefly crossed paths at a university jam night. Punlee, a digital media student, was the textbook definition of a campus heartthrob,top buttons casually undone, sleeves rolled up, a guitar slung over his shoulder, and a voice that belonged in a coming-of-age drama. Until that night, Ghlai had thought of him as a distant acquaintance, a friend of a friend of his older cousin.
SU Jam Night – August 24, 2022
The night they truly met, Ghlai was trapped in a crowd of people he used to call friends. Deep down, he knew they weren't his friends anymore. Real friends wouldn't force you into an enclosed space with a guy who was borderline stalking you, especially after you had rejected him as politely as possible. Yet, there he was, sitting two seats away from Mek because the group had invited him without asking. His only comfort was May, the only genuine friend in the group.
Punlee and his band took the stage that night, performing ‘Only You’ by Scrubb. The moment Punlee’s voice drifted through the crowd, Ghlai felt a wave of relief, his mind finally wandering away from the suffocating tension at the table.
He sat through that performance, then nudged May. She got the hint immediately, pulling him up, and they slipped away without waving goodbye to the rest. Before separating, Ghlai told May he needed to use the campus restroom. She offered to wait, but he insisted she head out early.
Once he saw May safely slide into her cab, Ghlai walked back into the quiet campus building.
When he stepped out of the restroom, he bumped straight into Mek.
"Ghlai? I thought you left", Mek said, blocking his path.
"I'm leaving now."
Ghlai tried to brush past him, but Mek caught him tightly by the wrist.
"Don't you think it's fate that we ran into each other here? Let's just use this chance to talk calmly, Ghlai."
"There is no 'us' in this conversation, Mek. Stop saying that. And no, I'm leaving." Ghlai’s voice sounded stern, carrying a cold finality that surprised even himself.
"I'm not letting you go until you talk to me. Stop being stubborn."
"I'm the one being stubborn? Let go of my hand. I have absolutely no intention of talking to you."
"Oh yeah? Free your hand yourself and you're good to go, baby" Mek sneered.
The word ‘baby’ made Ghlai’s skin crawl. Panic flared as he realized Mek was escalating, and he was acutely aware of how easily his smaller frame could be overpowered. He tried to pry Mek’s fingers off his wrist, but Mek only snickered. In a swift motion, Mek pinned both of Ghlai's hands above his head against the wall, laughing quietly.
"Ghlai, I really tried to be patient with you. You just don't listen."
Tears spilled over Ghlai's cheeks, born from pure, paralyzing fear. This was crossing a line, even for Mek. Hearing muffled voices and footsteps in the distance, Ghlai raised his voice.
"Let me go, Mek!"
Mek’s free hand slammed over Ghlai's mouth, cutting off the sound.
"Don't fucking try me, Ghlai. I'm trying here, too", Mek hissed, leaning closer as the footsteps drew nearer. "I tried to talk to you nicely, and what did I get? A blank rejection. I'm not settling for that. I'll make sure you-"
Mek’s threat was cut short by a fist crashing squarely into his jaw.
Suddenly, Ghlai’s hands were free. He stumbled back, catching his breath, and looked up to see Punlee standing over them. It was a scene straight out of a cliché romance, so perfect it almost made Ghlai laugh through his panic.
Mek hit the floor, clutching his face in shock. "What the fuck is your problem, Lee? This has nothing to do with you", he spat, scrambling to his feet to fight back.
"It does now. And are you sure you want to do this right here?" Lee countered smoothly.
Voices echoed around the corner, Lee's friends were approaching. Mek heard them too. Realizing he was heavily outnumbered, he muttered a bitter, "This isn't over", threw a parting glare at Ghlai, and stormed off into the darkness.
"Are you okay?" Lee turned around immediately, his hand coming up to gently rest on Ghlai’s head, his fingers softly caressing his hair. Ghlai’s heart did a dangerous flip.
"I'm fine. Thank you so much... and I'm sorry you got dragged into this."
"Hey, it's okay. You're Ghlai, right?"
Ghlai didn't think he was well-known at all, but hearing his name fall from Punlee's lips sent a flutter through his chest. Why am I so helpless when it comes to love? he thought.
"Yes. How do you know me?"
"Teerak mentioned you before. He pointed you out as someone's relative, though I'm sorry I forgot the details."
"I'm P'Dom's cousin."
"Right! That's it. Let me walk you out, Ghlai. I hope that asshole didn't hurt you anywhere", Lee said, leaning down slightly to inspect his face for scratches.
Ghlai’s face flushed hot. He was still trembling from the confrontation and desperately didn't want to be alone, so he welcomed the company.
"Thanks, Khun Lee", Ghlai said quietly as they walked toward the campus gates. "Can I ask you... please don't tell anyone about this."
Lee frowned. "Why? Ghlai, people need to know in case he tries something like this again. At least let me tell-"
"I'll handle it myself. Please? I just don't want everyone worrying right now."
Lee stared at him for a moment before letting out a soft sigh. "Well, then I guess I'll just have to keep an eye on you myself until you do."
Ghlai looked down, a tiny smile breaking through his fear.
December 5, 2022 – Today
That night was the catalyst for Ghlai's crush on Punlee, though "crush" felt like too weak a word for what he actually felt for his daytime moon.
At first, he tried to dismiss it as a passing infatuation. He had grown up reading romance novels, so when a classic, protective trope happened to him in real life, it felt inevitable that he would fall for the person who saved him.
He began keeping an eye out for Lee around campus. He would stand by the high windows of the Aviation building, which offered a perfect view of the parking lot where Khun Phrachan always parked his motorcycle. Ghlai would tuck himself behind the concrete wall, stealing long, quiet glances until his heart was full, before slipping away to class.
Over the next few months, those distant glances turned into real interactions. Teerak began inviting Ghlai into their friend group’s hangouts, and with every conversation, Ghlai’s infatuation deepened into something consuming.
The more he learned about Punlee, the more the older boy reminded him of the literal moon, bright, yet somehow beautifully mellow, intense and captivating like the night sky. Lee’s playful teasing felt like the phases of the moon, testing Ghlai by disappearing for a day or two only to peek out from behind the clouds with a devastating smile. If Ghlai had been a writer before, he felt capable of writing an entire thesis now, filling pages connecting his love for the moon to his love for Khun Phrachan.
By now, Gun and May were fully aware of his feelings. Ghlai was a terrible hider, his affection was written entirely across his face whenever Lee was in the room.
Then, on a completely ordinary Wednesday, his quiet world came crashing down.
December 7, 2022
Winter had arrived, Christmas was right around the corner, and Ghlai’s crochet business was swamped with orders.
This was his peak season. He spent his evenings making scarves, custom flowers, plushies, and beanies, all popular holiday gifts for couples. Just a few days prior, he had fulfilled an order for a custom Keroppi plush keychain for P'Fah. A day later, he had spotted it dangling from Teerak's bag, the bubbly boy intentionally swinging it around to make sure everyone saw it. Knowing his hands had indirectly brought Teerak that joy made Ghlai incredibly happy.
He was sitting quietly on the concrete steps of the campus amphitheater after his afternoon classes. Gun was still stuck in a lecture, and May had left early for a nail appointment.
Suddenly, his phone buzzed. A message from Punlee. In itself, a text wasn't strange,they had exchanged social media accounts months ago.
The weight dropped in Ghlai's stomach when he saw the notification wasn't on his personal account. It was a direct message on y.e.arning. His heart rate spiked dangerously.
Punlee: Hello! I'd like to get a custom scarf made. Let me know your rates!
Ghlai stared at the screen, silently pleading with whatever gods were listening that this order was for a sister, a mother, anyone else,otherwise, he was going to delete the entire account.
y.e.arning: Hello! Yes, absolutely. Please let me know what colors you're looking for. I'll send over a quick order form to lock in the details.*
y.e.arning: Please fill out the following:
>Sender's name:
> Shipping address:
>Contact number:
>Item requested:
>Item specifications:
>Custom note (optional):
Ghlai felt a bitter wave of pride for typing that out without bursting into tears. But the anxiety caught in his throat; he still didn't know who the scarf was for.
Lee replied almost instantly. How did he fill it so fast, Ghlai thought
The specifications for Khun Phrachan's perfect scarf read: A pastel purple and beige panel-pattern scarf, with a pastel purple Kuromi lineart stitched into the beige panels.
And the optional custom note?
'You make my heart feel warm. I hope this does the same for you, baby.'
Ghlai stared at the words. 'Baby', It was for someone Lee was pursuing. He had run this business long enough to recognize the exact language of a confession gift.
In an instant, he hated Instagram for existing. He hated that he knew how to knit, and he hated himself for ever opening the shop page. To hell with the extra income he prided himself on, he just wanted his daytime moon to belong to him.
The tears came hot and fast, evolving into heavy, uncontrollable sobs. That was how Gun found him minutes later, his cheerful expression dropping instantly at the sight of Ghlai in pieces.
"Ghlai? What's wrong? Did someone hurt you?"
Ghlai was crying too hard to form words. He simply turned his phone screen toward Gun, letting his friend piece the messages together. It took Gun a few quiet minutes to understand.
"Oh, Ghlai..." Gun pulled him into a tight embrace.
There was nothing to say. No one was in the wrong here, and Gun knew Ghlai wouldn't tolerate a single bad word against Punlee anyway.
"Ghlai, look at me," Gun murmured, rubbing his back. "You don't know for sure who it's for. It could be a younger sibling, or a close friend."
"Don't lie to me, Gun. You read the note."
"Why don't you just tell him? Let him know this is your page and then maybe even ask who the order is for. You guys are close enough friends at this point."
"That would be so humiliating," Ghlai choked out. "I literally asked for his personal contact info on the business form when I already have his number. And I just made something for P'Fah without saying a word. Changing it now would just be weird."
"You're overthinking this."
"No. Knowing this, I want him to find out even less. In fact, I'm deactivating the page the second this order ships."
"Hey, stop. That's too much," Gun scolded gently, pulling back to look him in the eyes. "You built this success yourself. You've been crafting since long before Lee ever walked into your life. Don't lose your identity over this."
"I know... I'm just hurting so much right now. I like him so much, Gun."
The confession brought on a fresh wave of tears. Gun simply held him close, tracing soothing circles on his back and kissing his temple until the worst of the crying passed.
December 8, 2022
Ghlai stood in front of his favorite yarn shop, his feet feeling like lead.
For the first time in his life, he hesitated to open the door. He could already smell the familiar scent of cedar and spun wool inside,a smell that usually brought him immense peace. Not today. Today, he secretly wished a massive rack of yarn would topple over and bury him alive so he wouldn't have to create this godforsaken scarf. He's just a client, Ghlai. Focus.
He pushed the door open. The elderly shopkeeper recognized him immediately, her face lighting up.
"My boy! What are we looking for today, hmm? Let me help you."
"Not much today, Auntie. Just two skeins of pastel purple and two of beige."
She paused, studying his face. "You don't look very happy today. Is university stressing you out, Nong?"
"Something like that."
"Oh, tell Auntie. Maybe I can help."
Ghlai looked down, running a thumb over his sleeve. "My crush... he asked me to make a gift for someone else."
"Oh," she said softly, her playful demeanor shifting into gentle sympathy. "Who on earth is looking at someone else when they have a boy like my Ghlai right in front of them?"
"Auntie, he's entirely out of my league",Ghlai murmured, following her to the back shelves.
"Don't you dare talk about yourself like that. You are the sweetest boy I've ever met. They don't make them like you anymore. If he passes you by, it's his loss." She pulled down the exact shades he needed and handed them over.
"I can't help it" Ghlai said, scanning the QR code on the counter to pay. "It just hurts."
She offered a small, knowing smile. "You never know, Ghlai. Maybe the universe has a surprise for you."
December 10, 2022
Ghlai glared at his workstation. It was already Saturday, and he hadn't touched the yarn all day yesterday. He was fast, but the tight deadline was looming. He had promised Punlee the order would be delivered within a week, by next Wednesday, and local couriers didn't operate on Sundays.
He forced himself into his working mindset, repeating his mantra: He is a client.
He printed out six different Kuromi design outlines to use as reference templates for the stitching. Untangling the pastel skeins, he picked up his crochet hook and put on the loudest, most energetic playlist he could find, purely to keep his mind from wandering back to tears.
It took ten grueling hours of uninterrupted work over the weekend, stopping only to force down some food or mindlessly scroll through his phone,to finish the piece. He had started when the morning sun was low and pale, and by the time he pulled the final knot tight, the sun was setting, mimicking his heavy mood.
The finished scarf was beautiful. It came out so incredibly cute that Ghlai briefly contemplated pulling the threads apart out of pure spite, but he restrained himself. He boxed it up, carefully printed the exact custom confession note Lee had requested, and laid it on top of the tissue paper. He tossed in a few freebie stickers, closed the lid, and sealed the box with a long, pastel pink ribbon.
Whoever this is, they better cherish this he thought bitterly.
He scheduled the courier pickup for Monday morning.
December 15, 2022
Today was the final day of classes before winter break. Over the last two weeks, Ghlai had lost countless hours of sleep and a noticeable amount of weight, food had tasted like cardboard lately.
It felt melodramatic, but his Khun Phrachan truly had that much power over his heart.
He had only interacted with Punlee once during those two weeks. It happened yesterday during lunch, when a large group of them were crowded around a cafeteria table playing Uno. Ghlai had been shivering in the open-air dining hall despite wearing a jacket, and Lee had silently taken off his own heavy coat and draped it over Ghlai's shoulders.
Gun and May had watched the exchange from across the table. Normally, they would have teased him mercilessly, but given the circumstances, they only offered sympathetic winces.
Their classes today were brief. Even the professors had given up, letting lectures finish early to start their vacations. With only an hour left on campus, Ghlai realized he wouldn't see his daytime moon until mid-February.
Tragic.
When the final bell rang, the group walked together toward the locker bays. Ghlai felt exhausted, wanting nothing more than to drag himself home and sink into his mattress.
He stopped dead in front of his locker. A familiar pastel pink ribbon was peeking out from the edge of the metal door.
No. There's no way.
He yanked the locker door open so hard the hinges groaned. Resting against his textbooks was the package.
It was the exact stupid wrapping he had done with his own two hands a few days ago. The pink ribbon, the one he hadn't bothered to trim properly, leaving the edges dangling too long, was unmistakable. He tore into the paper carelessly, he had rolls of the same paper at home, so he didn't really care right now. He needed to see it. He needed to know if he was dreaming.
"Do you like it?"
Ghlai choked back a gasp, spinning around. Punlee was standing right behind him, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.
"I wanted to give you something for Christmas before break started", Lee stammered, his usual cool confidence completely dissolving into awkward rambling. "Since I don't know when we'll see each other over the holidays... and you get cold so easily, Ghlai. I saw that Kuromi keychain on your bag a while back and figured you liked the character. Is it okay? I hope I got it right. Man, I wish I knew how to crochet, I would've made it myself. Next time, I'll definitely learn—"
Ghlai didn't let him finish. With every ounce of strength in his body, he threw himself forward, slamming into Lee’s chest. The impact forced them both a step back against the lockers.
"You're so stupid", Ghlai cried into his chest. "You're so stupid."
"Huh? Ghlai? Wait, are you crying?" Lee panicked instantly, his hands hovering over Ghlai’s back in utter distress. The thought that his holiday gift had brought the boy to tears made him wish the ground would swallow him whole. "Did I mess up?"
"I own y.e.arning", Ghlai whispered, his voice cracking against Lee's shirt.
Lee froze, his brain visibly struggling to process the words. "You... what? You made this scarf? You're the designer? Why didn't you tell me?"
"Nobody on campus knows it's mine", Ghlai sobbed, burying his face deeper into Lee's shoulder. "It was just my own quiet little thing that I loved doing. And... I made that piece for P'Fah recently without saying anything, so it would have been weird to suddenly bring it up to you."
"Yeah I know, That's where I got the idea from."
Ghlai let out a wet, breathless laugh, his tears soaking through Lee’s shirt.
"But why did it make you cry like this, Ghlai?"
Ghlai hid his face completely, stubbornly shaking his head against Lee's chest.
"Hey, look at me." Lee gently slid two fingers under Ghlai’s chin, tilting his face up. Their friends were gone, the moment Gun and May had witnessed the hug, they had quietly ushered everyone away to give them privacy.
"I thought... I thought it was for someone else", Ghlai whispered. If he hadn't been inches from Lee's face, the words would have been lost entirely.
"Ghlai, baby, please be more precise", Lee murmured.
The word baby made Ghlai’s knees turn to water. The exact word that had caused him an entire week of quiet misery suddenly felt like the most beautiful word in existence.
"I've liked you for a really long time, Punlee. So much" Ghlai confessed, the words pouring out in a rush. "When I saw the order form and realized you were buying a confession gift for someone else, I couldn't bear it. I've been a total mess all week. But... I'm sorry if hiding the page feels weird to you."
Lee stared at him, a slow, incredibly soft smile spreading across his face. "Ghlai, I'm not blind. I knew you liked me. Did you really think I didn't notice you watching me from the Aviation windows? Honestly, I started timing my arrivals perfectly just so I could catch you standing there. You looked so cute trying to hide behind that wall. I think I fell for you right then."
Ghlai let out a deeply embarrassed whine, hiding his burning face back in Lee’s neck. His entire universe was shifting on its axis.
"You're so stupid. Why didn't you say anything sooner?" he muttered. All those painful months of pinning after an "unattainable" guy, only to find out they had been in the exact same boat.
"I tried to", Lee laughed softly, wrapping his arms securely around Ghlai's waist. "Clearly, the scarf plan backfired a little."
They both laughed, the heavy tension of the past week evaporating completely. Ghlai held on tight, having absolutely no intention of letting go.
"I'm still a little annoyed, though", Lee teased, resting his chin on Ghlai’s head. "That means the scarf doesn't really count as a gift."
"You literally paid me for my own Christmas present" Ghlai chuckled, his chest still hitching slightly from the leftover tears.
"Hey, I was trying my best! I didn't know you ran the shop", Lee whined playfully. "That just means I have to find a much better gift now. And next time, promise you'll tell me if I accidentally message your business page."
Ghlai peeked up, eyes shining with mischief.
"Where's the fun in that?"
"Ghlai, please. My heart can't handle you teasing me already."
"Sorry, Lee. I'm just really happy."
"Me too", Lee whispered, tightening his embrace. "So... does this mean I get to see you over the winter break?"
"As many times as you want. And I'm going to annoy you over text constantly now."
"Lucky me", Lee murmured against his hair.
No, Ghlai thought, closing his eyes and melting into the warmth of the pastel scarf and the boy holding him. Lucky me.
Best. Winters. Ever.