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“You know, I just had a thought.”
“On how to defeat Giegue?” Lloyd asked, narrowly dodging a strike from a Giga Borg.
“No, on what I want to do when I grow up.” Ninten delivered a kick to the Giga Borg, sending the robot tumbling down the mountain. “City Planning.”
“…What?”
Ninten was hit by a PK Beam, and unfortunately it was not Gamma, so he took a decent chunk of damage. “City Planning,” he repeated as he healed himself. “We’ve been through, what, five cities or towns so far? How they’re laid out, all of them, and I mean, all of them, are complete garbage.”
“Garbage is depressingly accurate,” the normally kind-to-a-fault Ana said as she fired a PK Beam Gamma back at the Last Starman that hurt her new boyfriend. Lloyd gave her a look. “What? You’ve seen where I live! Why is the church, the place where the community gathers on Sundays, way outside Snowman itself! It makes no sense!”
“Yeah! Hey, speaking of which, I’ve been wondering…” Ninten put up a Power Shield over himself, turning to Ana. “On that path, we’ve been attacked by wolves, polar bears (somehow), and, uh… Bigfoot himself? How have you survived all these years like that? Seems like you have to run a gauntlet every time you go grocery shopping.”
“All of them were perfectly peaceful until mom went missing,” Ana explained, throwing up a Power Shield over herself. “But yes, you’re right. It wouldn’t be an issue if the church was actually in the town itself! And don’t get me started on the train station.”
“Oh, you think that’s bad? What about Union Station?” Ninten threw up a Power Shield over Lloyd too. The other Last Starman gave a cry of dismay now that he couldn’t attack any of the three, but this went ignored as the three huddled together. “The station is waaaaaay outside Merrysville and the only path to it being a valley that can be sealed off by a landslide. That's way worse than Snowman's station.”
“Union Station is historic!” Lloyd protested. “We can’t just… tear it down!”
“Then why didn’t they build Merrysville closer to it! Or better yet, build the historic station closer to the city in the first place!?” Ninten began tugging on his hair. “They don’t even have a damn sidewalk leading to it! You’re just expected to… walk on the tracks?!”
“Language!” Ana scolded. “…But yes, I agree with everything you just said.”
“…Okay, you’ve got a point,” Lloyd conceded. “But surely there must be some good examples somewhere! I mean, what about Podunk?”
“You mean the Podunk with the zoo that’s supposedly a major tourist attraction that only has a dinky dirt road leading to it?” Ninten scoffed. “Or how the road to Merrysville is also of the dinky dirt variety? That’s also only one lane going both ways? And yet the mayor wonders why no one has a car even when he went to the trouble of paving all the roads in town. And is still wondering why his poll numbers are down.”
Lloyd shook his head. “Are you sure there’s no plans to pave the roads in between?”
“Sadly, there doesn’t seem to be.” Ninten sighed. The Last Starman had crept up behind him, holding his tentacles above Ninten’s head like a pair of bunny ears in an effort to be noticed. It didn't work.
“…Okay, yeah, that is bad, but what about Spookane? That didn’t seem half bad,” Lloyd said.
“THANK YOU!” Ninten grasped and shook Lloyd's hand repeatedly. The Last Starman started making wave-like motions with his arms. “That’s an actually sensibly designed city! I mean, a train station in the middle of the city? Thank you for proving that’s actually possible! They just need to get all the Lil’ Saucers and wolves off the streets and they’re good. Oh yeah, and a parking lot for the train station. …And a road that actually leads out of the city.” Ninten paused. “…You know what, I take that back. Spookane sucks. It sucks less than every other damn city, but it still sucks.”
“Language!”
“We are here!” Two more Last Starman teleported in, assuming battle stances. “Prepare to- Wait… Steve? What are you doing?”
Steve the Last Starman was in the middle of moonwalking around the huddled trio in his futile quest to become the center of their attention. He stopped. “They all have Power Shields active. I’m trying to get their attention and they are… ignoring me?”
“Then just PK Beam Gamma them! That goes through Power Shield!”
Steve shook his head. “Sorry Gary, but they have Franklin Badges on them. Good chance I’ll just kill myself if I do that.”
Gary the Last Starman glanced at the trio, still clearly discussing something that brought up strong emotions. “And they are just… ignoring you? How long have they been talking?”
“A few minutes,” Steve answered. “They’re complaining about Earth’s infrastructure.”
“…What?”
“Yes, really. Sounds like they have all sorts of things to complain about. You can listen in if you would like.”
“Hm…” Gary crossed his arms. “…Well, learning more about Earth would help us when the war begins. …Yes, I think I will listen in.”
“Knew you’d be interested.” It wasn’t visible through the visor, but Steve was definitely grinning as their attentions turned towards the group they were supposed to be fighting.
“…Anyway, let’s go back to Merryville! I’m not done with that yet!”
“Come on! Stop ridiculing my hometown!”
Ninten started at Lloyd. “…The people of your hometown have been bullying you your entire life, and you want to defend it?”
“It’s home!”
Ninten sighed. “Well, I suppose I'm not talking so much about Merrysville, but rather Duncan’s Factory.”
Lloyd perked up. “Oh! Actually, may I? It actually deserves it.”
“Ha ha! Go off, bestie!”
Lloyd took a deep breath. “You know the purpose of a factory? To make stuff? Well, it’s all well and good, but how are they getting that stuff out? There’s no road, so trucks can’t get in! And it’s a looooong walk too! Not exactly easy for horse and wagon either! And you know what? Maybe it’d be fine! Maybe this would allll be fine… IF THEY BUILT IT NEXT TO THE RAIL LINE!!!”
Ana gave two firm nods. “They deserved to go out of business for that.”
“Right?” Lloyd shook his head. “Duncan’s Factory only opened a year ago! And they’re already out of business! It’s not Union Station; they have no excuses!”
Gary whistled. “They really have strong feelings about this.”
“Have either of you been to any Earth settlement?” Steve asked.
Gary shook his head. “No. Me and Bob here have been cooped up on the Mothership till now.”
Bob the Last Starman nodded. “Yeah, they don’t want us giving away that we’re here just yet.”
“Figures. We’re the elite, and yet it’s all the juniors that get to have all the fun….” Steve sighed. “Maybe the humans have the right idea. Maybe I should’ve gone into City Planning too. Least I would be at home instead of standing around pretending I’m not bored.”
“Yeah, I should never have quit dental school,” Bob agreed. "Being a dentist pays better than this anyway."
Gary looked at his comrades and then the trio of kids still going on. “…You know, they’re already really close to the summit. Let’s just say they ran away from us and we couldn’t catch them. Not like we can really stop them with their Power Shields and stuff.”
“Yeah, they won’t survive the boss anyway,” Steve chuckled. “Would like to be around to watch that go down.”
“Same,” Bob said.
Gary chuckled. “Then I order a retreat, so as not to get cut off from the Mothership. Remember: they ran past us and we couldn’t catch them. That’s our story.”
“Understood!” All three of them warped away, the trio none the wiser to their presence.
“See, this is what I mean!” Ninten threw his hands up in the air. “If this is the standard of City Planning in this damn country, then I think I’d make a great City Planner!”
“Language!”
“Ana, I promise I’ll swear less, but please let me swear when it comes to this,” Ninten begged.
Ana sighed, shaking her head. “…Okay, fine. Anyway, Ninten? We talked about everywhere else, but what about Ellay?”
“Ellay. Port. Dirt roads connecting the two. No paved roads leading out of town. No roads leading to Youngtown even though the swamp is extremely dangerous to cross on foot! Oh yeah, and no rail line close to the port. Even though trains are more efficient than trucks when it comes to hauling stuff around.”
“…Yeah, I agree. You’d be a great city planner,” Ana said.
“Well, you know the saying. When you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself. Least I’m not a complete idiot like some of these planners were! Hold on, Lloyd, is there something wrong?”
“…I can’t help but feel like we’re forgetting something,” Lloyd mumbled.
Ninten began counting every place they had been to with his fingers. After reaching five, he paused, thinking. “…Okay, well, I guess we haven’t talked about Magicant or Youngtown, but I don’t think Magicant counts, and Youngtown has basically no infrastructure to rant about anyway, so…”
“Oh yeah, that’s true,” Lloyd agreed. “You know, I’m glad you realized what your dream was, Ninten. And I know you can make it come true.”
“Thanks, bestie.” Ninten gave a peace sign in reply. “We’ll protect the Earth, and after I’ll make sure every town and city we've been to gets a sensible redesign. Doesn’t matter how long it takes…”
The citizens of Reindeer were suddenly flooded with a sense of relief. Why? They didn’t know. If somebody asked them, none of them could say quite why. They just had a feeling their city had been spared the wrath of something.
“So, you have come,” Giegue said, floating down with his arms crossed as he casually lorded his superiority over the three children that stood against him. “Your resistance is futile. I am here on a mission, to destroy all life on Earth, and I will complete it. Ninten, I owe much to your family. They were the ones who raised me, but the sins your great-grandfather George committed are too great to overlook. Not only has your great-grandfather stolen our secrets… Despite having our secrets, your infrastructure is still absolute trash.”
Everyone blinked. Ninten outright turned around to look at Ana and Lloyd. “Did he really just-”
“What? You heard me!” Giegue barked, getting everyone’s attention back on himself. “We pride ourselves on our efficient and superb infrastructure spanning multiple galaxies. Well-regulated highways between planets, space train stations that aren't in the middle of nowhere, and you insects, even armed with the secrets that were stolen from us, can’t even manage a single region!” Giegue shook his head. “Maybe George simply didn’t understand what exactly he had stolen. If he actually put it to good use, your species might have survived what is coming. But no. Humanity will die like the bugs they are.”
“THANK YOU!” Ninten shouted, Giegue recoiling in shock. “THANK YOU FOR AGREEING WITH US THAT OUR INFRASTRUCTURE IS TRASH! I’M GONNA BE A CITY PLANNER SO IT WILL HOPEFULLY BE LESS TRASH!”
“…I did not expect you to agree with me,” Giegue remarked.
“Oh, believe me, we just had this conversation, like, ten minutes ago. You should’ve been there for it.”
Giegue blinked. “…If you don’t mind me asking, what made you realize this?”
“Our journey.” Ninten nodded at Lloyd and Ana. “Believe me, when you need to use it, you notice. Painfully.”
“I have a proposition for you,” Giegue said.
“Oh? What is it?”
“Come with me.” Giegue extended his hand. “Come with me, and you will be spared from humanity’s extinction.”
“…Wait, hold on. I thought we were crapping all over Earth’s infrastructure? Why are we talking about the destruction of the world?”
“Come with me, kindred spirit, and I will show you what real infrastructure looks like. You'll be a great City Planner… working for us.”
Ninten shook his head. “Sorry Giegue, no chance. My family and friends are here, and I’ll never abandon them. Like I said, when I grow up, I’ll become a City Planner to make everything less trash, for their sake... and my sanity.”
“Well said Ninten, descendant of George and Maria. Die well.”
Giegue lashed out with all the rage spurred on by abandonment, betrayal, and witnessing the calamity that was Earth’s infrastructure. But all of this was no match for The Power of Love™ that was known as the Eight Melodies, which brought Giegue to his knees. He cursed Ninten’s name as he was forced to retreat, storming passed a trio of Last Starmen who seemed unable to process exactly what had just happened, and leaving behind the Earth in exchange for his home that had actually had a sensible layout to it.
As for the future City Planner? Well by the time of the Chosen Four, Earth’s infrastructure had improved significantly. So… progress.