Chapter Text
"She is going to make a full recovery!"
The words of Mrs Gardiner echoed through his mind as he sat on the small wooden chair outside the door. Although relief had flooded through him at the news, tension returned to his chest swiftly after. His mind was whirring with thoughts of Mr. Ryder and his hasty departure with the Hursts and Miss Bingley. Despite this retreat, Tom knew he would still propose once Mary returned to London.
"If only I had found the courage to propose earlier instead of waiting for the perfect moment." He berated himself. He heard her cough from inside the door, then Mrs Gardiner shushing and comforting her. The sound pained him as he wished nothing more than to be on that side of the door with them. With her. The evening candlelight did nothing to lighten his mood. He had no right to be with her, because he had been too cowardly to propose sooner.
"A poor coward who must step aside," he thought to himself. He made up his mind. He debated whether he should leave her a note. No, it would be improper, he would leave a note for the Gardiners to explain himself.
For the first time in several days he left the corridor outside her room and took the narrow stairway up to his own. His shoulder clicked as he lifted his suitcase onto the bed. Lazily gathering his few clothes up, he listened to the creeks of the last few patrons going to bed. He shuffled towards the small desk and lift the quill.
Struggling to come up with an adequate excuse for his planned disappearance he decided to keep the missive short. Merely declaring he was sorry but he must leave them, he allowed the ink to dry and planned to leave it with the innkeeper in the morning. He would have to leave at first light, he was worried if he stayed for breakfast he would be spotted and stopped by the well-meaning Gardiners.
Prior to sleep, he nipped down to the parlour and spoke to the innkeeper about the possibility of arranging a carriage to take him to Yorkshire at dawn.
Sunrise came and with it Tom descended towards the inn's parlor, freezing in his tracks.
"Tom! What on earth are you doing up so early?" Mr Gardiner looked at his luggage pointedly, "You can't be leaving us?"
"I, er... I, I was planning on departing, this morning," Tom spoke in broken phrases. Shocked that he would not be able to slip away unnoticed, he stood awkwardly awaiting judgement.
"Why? Mary is just starting to recover, if you give us a couple more days we will all be able to journey back to London together," he said jovially.
"Actually, I have made plans to visit family in Yorkshire, " Tom responded briskly, thinking on his feet to find an acceptable reason to leave. Mr Gardiner pulled a face.
"You did not mention this before, when were the plans confirmed?" He probed.
Tom's face felt warm and he struggled to come up with a plausible excuse for not telling the Gardiners about these 'plans' prior to now. He inhaled sharply and tried to begin, but the expectant face of Mr Gardiner was not easy to lie to, especially after the way this man has treated him like family from the start. Tom's face fell. "I can't stay," he choked out.
"Well, whyever not? I know this has been a stressful and unwelcome interlude in our holiday but, Mary's condition is improving and, well I must admit, I did not expect you to be the kind to leave without saying goodbye." He nodded his head towards the piece of paper in Tom's hand.
Tom took a shaky breath, "I find myself, in a difficult position." He continued carefully, "It is a matter of the heart, I cannot stay here and I cannot return to London with you, knowing what will happen there."
"A matter of the heart? I do not understand why you are so solemn. Surely, this matter of the heart you speak of cannot have caused this much upset?" Mr Gardiner's confusion continued, "Mary would be greatly disappointed to learn you attempted to leave without saying goodbye."
Tom's throat tightened at the mention of Mary, "I wish to maintain my reputation as a trustworthy barrister and for that reason I cannot explain the details of this case. But, please, know that I did not, I did not," he tried to explain that it was never his intention to lead Mary on.
Mr Gardiner looked like he was about to interject when we his flashed towards the stairs.
"Tom, how are you this morning? Shall we all sit and get some breakfast?" Mrs Gardiner floated over to the doorway they had been stood in.
"Who is with Mary?" The words left his mouth before he had registered them.
Mrs Gardiner gave him a knowing look, "She is still asleep, I will return to her with some breakfast shortly."
It was then she noticed his luggage, "What is all this? Are you going somewhere Tom?"
Tom looked between Mr and Mrs Gardiner, an internal battle commencing to determine how much to say.
"Regardless of Mr Hayward's plans, he will surely need some breakfast first," Mr Gardiner spoke sternly and brought he hand down on Tom's shoulder to steer him towards a table.
Tom allowed himself to be led over and Mr Gardiner requested a servant move the abandoned luggage to the corner and to bring over three breakfasts.
"Did you receive a letter this morning, Tom?" Mrs Gardiner looked to his hand.
Tom sighed heavily, "No," he put the note in his pocket, "it was nothing of significance."
Once they had all finished their breakfasts, Tom had started to calm down and Mr Gardiner made a suggestion, "Mrs G, how would you feel about trying to coax Mary to receive some of the lovely fresh air. We only need go as far as the inn's garden and it might do her some good."
Mrs Gardiner smiled, "That is an excellent idea, I will get a tray for Mary to eat and if she is feeling up to it we shall meet you two outside when she is ready."
Mr Gardiner nodded and stood, "Come Tom, let us go find a spot that would suit us."
Tom resigned himself to further interrogation from the man. He thought of how cleverly he had bought them some more time alone.
Seated in the breezy garden, Mr Gardiner turned to him and offered an explanation for his early rise, "I was up quite late last night, Mrs G went to bed early and I stayed up thanking God that Miss Bennet was to recover. I overheard a conversation about a carriage at dawn, and I thought it sounded like you but by the time I had moved around the corner to investigate, there was nobody there." He paused and inhaled, the worry lines on his forehead deepening, "You know we have always seen you as family, Tom, I could not think for the life of me why you would be leaving us so soon, and without even saying goodbye? I was shocked. So I got up far earlier than I planned to find out. I understand you claim you cannot explain in detail but, I hope you know that we do not want you to go, and I am confident that Miss Bennet most certainly would not want you to go."
Tom scrunched up his eyes and exhaled, "Mr William Ryder is going to propose." He couldn't keep it in anymore under such scrutiny.
"What?" Mr Gardiner was flabbergasted, "what difference does that make to anything?"
Tom looked perplexed and then realised Mr Gardiner didn't know of the inheritance, "You must not tell anyone of what I am about to say it has not yet been made public, but Mr Ryder is set to inherit his aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh's fortune, he was already a most eligible bachelor and now he will become a considerably wealthier one."
Mr Gardiner started to understand his meaning but was still being far too sensible, "Tom, I am still not sure why this has disheartened you in such a way. Mr William Ryder is not here. You are. If the matter of the heart you are referring to is what I think it is then surely it would be better to approach the subject of Mr Ryder's affections to determine if they are returned?"
"I have tried!" Tom exclaimed. "I asked her what her feeling is on the importance of financial wealth in marriage and she said something about her sister not falling for her husband until she saw his estate!"
At this Mr Gardiner laughed. Tom continued, "And I asked her if she wished me to ask him to take a step back and she said she enjoys his company. What am I to make of that? Perhaps she will be far happier with him than she would be with me." And there it was. Out in the open. He wanted to be with her and he had finally said it out loud.
"The only person who can tell you that is the woman herself, you should ask her... Speak of the devil," Mr Gardiner stood and Tom looked up.