Work Text:
“Don’t be afraid of it. There’s nothing to be afraid of. These creatures, they’re more afraid of you than you are of them. And you couldn't be a threat to them…”
Newt trails of, which Credence thinks is for the best. They both know that’s very much not true. He’s perfectly capable of destroying any of these creatures, that’s why he’s living in a suitcase now. A very nice suitcase, yes, but not the perfect place to be living.
Still, the creature doesn’t seem too frightening. It’s small, it looks like it could pick it up in the palm of his hand. It’s pink and fluffy and it makes a purring sound as Newt moves over and scoops it up. Newt cradles the thing close to his chest and Credence feels an irrational flash of jealousy. Which is stupid. He doesn’t want Newt to cradle him to his chest.
That would be wrong.
But there are so many things that he was taught were wrong that aren’t. It’s all a mess and he thinks it’s going to take years to work it out.
He hopes he has years to work it out.
“Here,” Newt says, lifting the thing from his chest and extending his hand. “Go on, you two will get along like thieves.”
Credence smiled a little at the strange wording, but he does uncoil from himself enough to reach out a hand. The creature seems to be watching him uncertainly, though it’s hard to tell as it’s eyes are barely visible through the hair. He approaches it like he’d approach a feral cat. Extends his fingers and lets it sniff at them, see them, before moving to gently lay them on the thing’s fur.
For a second it freezes, then it shivers a little and just when he thinks it’s going to bolt, it pushes up into his hand. It makes this noise, low and careful, maybe it’s a purr.
He’s doing it.
Newt laughs, soft and lovely, and lifts the thing. He pushes it into Credence’s hand and he takes it without thinking, letting the thing settle on his palm. It’s soft and warm.
He’d had a cat once. Mother made him get rid of it - it was too messy. Too unclean. Witches had cats, she said. Animals belonged on the street and should only come in if they had a purpose. He doubted this creature had a purpose, but it was making a content little noise and when he lifted it to his chest it snuggled there as though it liked him.
It had been so long since something actually liked him.
“See,” Newt said, his voice low. “I told you it’d like you. Just be gentle with it now, they become overstimulated easily.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means you can only handle them for a little while or it gets too much for them,” Newt says, though he makes no move to take the thing away so it must be okay yet. Credence gently lifts his free hand and holds it to the creature, then begins stroking it. The thing purrs more, almost vibrating with it. Credence can feel the smile tugging at his lips.
“Easy now,” Newt says, and Credence knows he should give the thing back, but it’s so soft. So gentle. And he can’t resist one last stroke.
It is vibrating now. Literally. He can feel it against his hand and he knows by the look on Newt’s face that he’s done something very wrong right before the thing shoots out of his grasp, darting up into the sky in a way that shouldn’t be possible for a thing so round, and skipping away from them.
“Right,” Newt cries. “Never mind. Stay here.” Then he’s off - throwing himself after the creature. Credence watches until both of them are out of sight, hidden by the habitats of the suitcase, though he can still hear them crashing around.
He’s messed up.
He knew it was going to happen but they’re less then a week out of New York. He’d been being so careful. Ever since Newt found him, battered, on the street and hid him. Brought him away. He’d been trying to hard. Staying quiet. Keeping himself to himself. Hiding. He hadn’t wanted to make a fuss. Hadn’t wanted to get things wrong and now...
He should have known it’s be no use.
He could feel the blackness welling up inside him and bit his cheek against it. The pain let him focus for a second, it was so familiar. So sharp.
He couldn’t go destructive in here. That would be even more of a problem.
Newt should have left him on the street. The wizards should have killed him. He probably deserved it. He’d killed people. His anger and his failure and his inability to please anyone had killed and he deserved everything that came to him.
A flap of sky lifted and Newt came back through, the creature tucked into the crook of his elbow. It seemed smaller somehow and though it chirped in joy when it saw him he just knew he’d harmed it. Just knew it would have been better if he’d never even touched the thing.
“Fast, when they get going,” Newt said, carrying the creature over to it’s enclosure and putting it down. It immediately swarmed around the others, chirping happily at them. A happy little family. Community.
All he’d ever wanted was a community.
But he’d messed up. Again. And he knew what happened when you messed up. You had to ask for forgiveness.
He reached down and unfastened the clasp of his belt. It slip through the loops of his trousers easily and he folded it in half and held it out so that when Newt turned, it was ready for him.
When Newt saw it, he froze.
“Credence…”
“I should have listened to you. I’m sorry.”
“No, quite alright,” Newt said, his eyes flickering like they did, landing on the belt for a few seconds and then flitting away. Credence knew the impulse - he’d suffered from it himself often enough.
“I messed up. I hurt it.”
“It just got overexcited. A rest and it’ll be better in no time. Nothing to worry about.”
“I was wrong.”
“You didn’t do anything.” Newt’s voice was getting firmer now. “I gave it to you. I know they’re oversensitive. I should have stopped you earlier. It’s just, I hadn’t really seen you smile before and you looked so content.”
Credence hadn’t been aware that he was smiling but now he thought about it, yes, he probably had been. With the creature warm and comfortable in his arms, he probably had been happy enough to smile.
That didn’t excuse what he’d done.
“I did it wrong,” he said, lifting the belt a little higher. “You need to punish me.”
“Credence,” Newt said, and there was something in that tone that Credence hated. Like Newt was upset or scared or didn’t know what to do from here. And Credence hated that. He’d messed up and he was messing up more now and he knew it but he didn’t know how to stop and…
A warm hand wrapped around his. He didn’t dare to look up, froze under the touch. Newt took the belt and pried it out of his fingers and Credence started to shake. This was it. He’d asked to be punished, he deserved to be punished, and Newt was going to punish him. This was it.
He wanted to cry. Wanted to scream. Wished he could fly up into the air or just vibrate out of his skin like the stupid creature had done.
And then there was he sound of the belt dropping to the floor.
He looked up just as Newt stepped in. Just in time to see Newt’s face as little too close to his own and start to turn his panic that way but then Newt was pressed up against him. Should to hip. Arms around his back, pulling him close.
It was awkward. It felt like Newt didn’t quite know how to do this - Credence definitely didn’t. He was sure, though, that there wasn’t meant to be as much elbow involved. That it should be easier and more comfortable like it had been with Mr Graves touched him. That touch had always been comforting - even if it had only been a lie. Even if he’d only ever been the means to an end.
This hug wasn’t like that. This hug was like Newt. Awkward and a little too sharp but so genuine. Like Newt was hugging Credence just because he wanted to. Just because it felt like the thing to do. Not for anything else. Because he wanted to provide comfort and companionship and Credence needed that so very much.
He wasn’t going to punish him.
Credence could feel himself start to shake but it wasn’t a bad shaking - not exactly. He squeezed his eyes shut and let his arms drop to his side then, tentatively, bravely, lifted one to return the embrace. Newt hummed a little so it must have been the right thing and Credence lifted the other arm. Held Newt as closely as he was being held. Like he wanted to burrow into the other man’s chest. Like he wanted to fold himself up and hide there. Cling to Newt like one of these creatures and insist on being carried around in a pocket.
“There there,” Newt said into the shell of his ear. “It’s alright. I’m not going to hurt you. I’ll never hurt you.” And he sounded like he meant it. Sounded so awkward and sincere that it broke Credence’s heart right open.
All he’d wanted for so long was for someone to hold him - and now it was happening. No quick hug to cement a bond, no condition that he find the right kid or do some other task. Just a hug because he was him. Because Newt thought that he deserved one.
He almost couldn’t get his brain around it.
He felt a sob rise up in his throat and he tried to swallow it but he couldn’t. It came bubbling out of him as he hid his face in Newt’s shoulder, his entire body shaking. Newt should have pushed him away they, it was strange. It wasn’t how friends should behave. But Newt didn’t. Of course he didn’t. He only pulled Credence closer. Only carried on whispering to him in a soft voice.
It was too much. It was all too much.
He pushed away and was surprised when Newt let him go, stepping back out of his personal space. Still smiling like he was just so pleased to be here but not touching Credence now.
“I’m sorry, was that…let me get you a tissue?”
“It’s fine,” Credence said, rubbing at his face with the arm of his jacket. It wasn’t fine but it would have to be. He would have to be. “I shouldn’t…”
“No,” Newt interrupted, darting forward again to grab Credence’s hand. “Please, don’t talk about yourself like that. It’s okay to need contact, to need friends. Everyone needs friends.”
“And you’re my friend.”
“Of course I am.”
“I could kill you. I might do it without even meaning to.”
“So can most of the things in here,” Newt said, gesturing around himself. Credence couldn’t help but look around, look at the beasts. He was right, there were a lot of things in here that Newt should probably be scared of. But he never was. He seemed to just accept them easily. And they accepted him.
Why did Credence never find it that easy?
“Maybe you shouldn’t trust them, then?”
“But what would be the point of life if I never trusted anything? If I never reached out. These animals, some of them will hurt me. Some of them have. But they never mean to. Or if they do mean to, it normally means the person they’re hurting has hurt them or scared them. I know you’re dangerous, Credence. That’s why I want to help you. It doesn’t have to be this way.”
“I could hurt you,” Credence says again, tucking his hands in close to his body.
“Yes,” Newt says. “But I trust that you won’t. Or that if you do, you won’t mean to. Because you’re my friend.”
Like it was that simple. Only maybe it was. It wasn’t like Credence had a lot of friends in the past to compare this experience to.
He wanted a friend so badly. Wanted to he held. Wanted to be cared for. Probably wanted more than he had any right to ask. More than he deserved, certainly. And Newt was so lovely. So kind and open and Credence was only going to earn his hate in the long run. He knew he would because he’d earned the hate of everyone he loved.
But…but…
He took a tentative step froward. Newt opened his arms again and Credence folded himself into them. Pushed into Newt’s chest like the creature had earlier.
He knew he shouldn’t do this. He wanted too much. He’d take and take and take until Newt hated him.
He just didn’t have the strength to say no.
And as Newt’s arms locked close around his again, he didn’t think he ever would find that strength. As bad an idea as this was, he was here to stay