Work Text:
Is is possible to overdo a fan fic? Abso-fucking-lutely NOT! But when your fanfic has overridden the laws of reality… maybe (just maybe) it's a clue to consider a limit?
Zoe kept arguing this back and forth in her eldritch, all-powerful, yaoi pilled brain as she gazed upon this new dimension. What did she see? Liam. Liam everywhere. It seems that her latest fic, Liam Prom, Let's do the Time Warp Again had so much sauce that she accidentally manifested the story into the material realm. And because of the fucky wucky nature of time itself in this fic, she hadn't really been able to un-Liamify the world just yet…
"ZOE!"
Ah, there was that all too familiar breathy and gruff 'I think I'm better than you' voice Zoe had become all too attached to. Much to real life Liam's chagrin, he was also thrust into her super epic time loop world.
"Zoe, I don't know how many more loops I can take."
Zoe scoffed, "Oh relax, it's only been like 462 loops."
"FOUR HUNDRED AND—" Liam cut himself off and grizzled as he pinched the bridge of his nose, glasses riding up his face, "I thought you said our last loop was going to be the last loop."
"Well you know what they say, '99% of all time loopers stop before they break the loop for good'."
"And who is 'they' in this scenario?"
"Me," Zoe struck a pose and morphed her face into the classic colon three look (:3). Liam tried his best to not look amused. Despite their good humor, Zoe could tell Liam's patience was waning.
"Okay okay," Liam began, "so we clearly need to revisit our strategy. Can we review what we've tried so far again?" Liam and Zoe came together on the Liam Prom school grounds. The world Zoe had constructed had been a rather faithful representation of their own school, but tailored to every Liam's preferences. Honestly, she was a little offended how quickly the real Liam got sick of her setting, but one can only tolerate fan-made alternates of themselves for so long.
Zoe racked her brain for the solutions, "Should we try killing all the Liams one more time?"
"I'd be rather keen to not try that again. Some of these Liams are menaces to kill. You saw how much a pain in the ass Little Bastard Liam was to hunt down."
"You say this now, but don't act like you didn't enjoy getting strangled by Buff Liam."
Liam's face flushed red, "Shut up."
Zoe was mighty enough to hold in her laughter and continue with business, "Alright what else… we tried breaking the physical boarders of the world…"
"But that just circled us back around to the other side of the school. Small world huh?"
"Yeah, well you can't blame me for mistakenly overriding reality with my WIP."
"Actually I can and I will, thank you very much."
Zoe threw a playful middle finger at Liam, and it reflected right back at her through Liam's very punchable glasses, "And I tried rewriting the world…"
"But the changes never last more than one time loop… quite the pickle you've created here."
The two sat with each other back to back. Zoe observed the other Liams go about their regular school day just as she had four hundred and something times before. There goes Yandere Liam stalking Catboy Maid Liam through the hedges. In the next thirty seconds, Cartographer Liam would drop his maps and spill ink everywhere. Sexy Demon Bad Boy Liam wouldn't show up until after 3rd period because skipping class makes him sooooooo sexy and bad. Ugh, why did she write him like that? Zoe ought to revisit her definition of "Bad Boy" after this is all over… assuming the loops could ever end in the first place.
It was while Zoe monitored all her Liams that the solution finally fell into place. "I GOT IT," she leapt from the grass with a start and turned to the real Liam, "I have a stupid idea that will be long a tedious to execute, but it might just work."
Liam was now sprawled across the lawn face down in defeat, "Well we have a lot of time to spare for tedium," He rolled over with grass stained on his collar, "Let's hear it."
"What if we need to match-make all the Liams?"
"You're kidding."
"Do I look like I have ever told a joke in my entire existence?"
Liam just stared with a smirk.
"Don't answer that," Zoe said. "But look around! This place is prime real estate for some messy relationships and love triangles. What if we just need to satisfy the Liam narrative by hooking everyone up?"
Liam mused on the idea, and without the company of any more sensible conclusions, he decided it was worth a shot, "So we use the loops to study what the Liams are looking for, and then we try and pair everyone up in one big loop?"
"Unless you have any other bright ideas, this is the best I've got. Besides, I think this may actually be a bit fun!"
"Eh, I'd call it annoying, but fine. Sure. Whatever."
Zoe didn't believe him.
Alright. Time to get to work. Zoe conjured a big ass chalk board and file crates of all the Liams, because of course she can, it's her dimension at the end of the day. Liam began perusing through the files.
"Let's get the easy ones out of the way first," Zoe produced two folders. "Buff Liam is perfect for Centaur Liam. These two don't only want comfort from a lover; they want a challenge."
"Agreed. Not just a physical challenger, but an emotional one too."
Zoe linked the two with some red string on the board, "Together, they would push each other to their limits and be there to help cushion each other from their failures. They would make one sexy team if you ask me."
"What should their ship name be?"
"Intimidating Horse," Zoe said without a moment of hesitation.
"Fuck yes."
Liam turned back to the stacks of files and documents. The sheer scale of the Liam-verse always astonished him. Zoe was truly committed to the bit… or was she dedicated to him?
"I think I've got one!" Liam shouted, "Glam Rock Liam and Magical Girl Liam could maximize the whimsy levels in a relationship." Since Glam Rock and Magical girl both loved to create, their bond would craft some next level high-brow art.
"I see where you're coming from," Zoe said, "But you have to consider the fame aspect. Glam Rock Liam has a complicated relationship with his popularity, so dating Magical Girl Liam may only bring more undue attention to them both. I think their rising fame would eat at each other until the relationship turns toxic."
"Well to play Damian's Dads advocates, I think a toxic celebrity relationship makes the ship even more attractive."
"Shit you're so right. Let's do it."
Liam pinned the two profiles on the chalkboard, "And they shall be called Glam Girl!"
"Perfect." Zoe opened the next file, "How about Worm Liam?"
Liam pretentiously stroked his chin, "We could pair him with Road Runner Liam."
Zoe shook her head, "I see it aesthetically matching, but character wise it would fall apart." Zoe flipped through more files, throwing profile after profile into the wind until she discovered the perfect match, "Ah-ha! Silver Fox Divorcée Liam!"
Liam cocked his head, "Really?"
"Without a doubt. I mean, Silver Fox Divorcée Liam is jaded and a little dark, but he's still willing to open himself up to love. Meanwhile, Worm Liam needs to find someone who would love him for him, even as a worm. Both Liams are looking for raw genuine connection in spite of the hand life—or really I—have given them. I'm thinking this would make for one hell of a good slow burn."
Liam scrutinized the folders, "Yeah, I think I see your vision. At first they would dance around the attraction…"
"But then they would take baby steps and slowly open up to each other, letting their guard down."
"Over three or so books of course."
"Oh of course. And then they would have the most gratifying fuck fest ever written!"
Liam released a chuckle which Zoe took as a great victory. "Should we call them Silver Worm?" Liam proposed.
"I can get down to Silver Worm."
The two nodded solemnly and added their files to the scheme.
And so they carried on for hours, even scheming into the following loops. The chalkboard became a convoluted mess of red string and paper that only Zoe and Liam could decipher. The files flew up until the boxes were emptied and the plans had been made. Zoe and Liam looked at each other with a fierce look of determination in their eyes. The plan would likely take many loops to perfect, but it was doable.
Zoe sailed the Intimidating Horse ship via a sports tournament arc. Liam matched up Glam Girl with the temptation of a forbidden secret love away from public eyes. Zoe tripped Silver Fox Divorcée Liam, making him bump into Worm Liam to start a meet cute. Actual Liam enabled Yandere Liam's desire for ownership to hunt down Cat Boy Maid Liam and take advantage of his desire to be dominated. Zoe made the perfect rare pair with Road Runner Liam and Brooding Post-Apocalypse Liam. Nice Liam and Sexy Demon Bad Boy Liam come together via body swap shenanigans. Everything was falling into place.
Finally, the loop came where Zoe and Liam perfected their matchmaking speedrun. Having learned the ins and outs of the Liams behaviors and the most optimal executions of their pairings, the two ran like a well oiled Calculester. So when the sun set over the school with all the Liams paired up in their perfect relationships, a new horrible dread settled in Zoe and Liam when…
The loop restarted once again.
"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!" Liam screamed as he hurt his foot trying to kick a rock, "What the fuck else can we do Zoe?! Are we just stuck like this forever?!"
But as the loop reset, Zoe could just feel the exit was close. A deep primordial instinct that echoed through her eldritch imagination whispered to her. The line between her dimension and the real world had been the thinnest it ever had been. Then the realization hit her like a truck.
All the time she had spent trying to escape the loops was also time spent with Liam. Not the Liam-verse Liams, but Liam Liam. In all her eons of existence, she never felt so close to someone. Zoe had always been some great myth or authority figure to praise. But Liam always looked at her as an equal—as a friend…
"It's us," Zoe said with blunt honesty.
Liam look at her, bewildered.
"We need to be matched up to escape," Zoe reiterated.
Liam's confusion turned to astonishment, "Whoa whoa whoa, like… dating? Zoe did you put me here just to ask for a date?!"
"NO!" Zoe nervously wrung her tentacle arms between her fingers, "I— no I would never do that Liam. Besides I— I've never really wanted that from you… no offense."
"None taken… that's actually a bit of a relief."
"But I still like you!" Ah shit. 'here it comes,' Zoe thought. The mushy gushy emotional scenes you always struggle to write. "I really like you Liam. I mean, if I had to be trapped in a time loop with anyone, I'm really glad it was with you."
Liam didn't speak.
"And like… I've never wanted to do date stuff with you… but I know that if we drifted apart, I would be heartbroken."
The Liam-verse seemed to be melting away as she spoke.
A terrible question lingered on Zoe's mind, "Do you hate me for trapping you here?"
Liam moved towards Zoe until his two eyes met her multitude, "Zoe, I don't think I could ever hate you. After all, a friend who makes an entire written universe based off you and you alone is… well they're someone I would hate to lose." Liam started to cutely scratch the back of his head in his usual hipster dork way, "I can tell there is a lot of love in this world… and for what it's worth… if I could give something back to you that's this full of love, I would."
If Zoe had a heart, it would be fluttering by now. In fact, she manifested one for herself just to feel it. A warm tingling embrace of love and understanding prickled her skin. She outstretched her tentacle for Liam, and he took it with the most authentic smile she had ever seen from him. They pulled each other into a hug. Within their embrace, Zoe couldn't sense her Liam-verse anymore, just Liam.
"Hey," Zoe said.
"Yeah?"
"Wanna get out of here?"
"Will that mean you'll let go?"
"I don't have to…"
"Then yeah… lets go."
Zoe and Liam's old but familiar reality began to bloom into life again.
"I love you Liam."
"I love you too Zoe."