Chapter Text
I hate the rain.
I hate how it engulfs the entire world in a dreary, soul-crushing gray as I sprint from rooftop to rooftop. It feels as if I've been soaked through to my bones, adding a biting chill that makes movement all the more difficult. Ahead of me is the figure I'm after - a beastly silhouette, tattered and dirty, hunched over from weariness. Still outpacing me by a wide margin. The weather is fucking with my quirk enough that I've fallen back, and there's this incredible ache in my right arm that won't seem to go away. But I'm not about to let a little pain cut this pursuit short.
Can't be worse than anything he puts himself through on the regular. I laugh to myself. An effort to keep intact the victorious grin I wear like a another piece of my costume. In a way, it kind of is, I suppose.
“I thought I told you to leave me alone!” A tired, raspy growl sounds out ahead of me. Even though I know how much effort it takes him to muster up this much venom, the way he seems to be able to draw his voice up from the ground itself still sends a shiver down my spine.
“And I thought I told you, you ain't the damn boss of me!” I bark back.
He shoots an icy look over his shoulder, sharp green eyes piercing me with an intensity that drills into my soul. There's something not quite right about them. The determination is still there, but they're devoid of the hope I've come to expect, replaced instead by rage, grief, and fear.
The distraction is enough for me to shorten the gap between us. He turns his gaze away, focus returning to pulling ahead of me – always ahead. I need something else - another distraction, maybe. If I can just get him to stop, even for a second...
“Come home,” I plead. He wavers at this, just a little bit. But is it enough? I'm so close...
I reach for him. His dull, shredded cape just slips through my fingers.
“I have no home!” he snarls. The words somehow have a physical effect on me, squeezing my heart with a pain that feels entirely too real. Real enough that I have to adjust to regain my balance. The small slip is enough for him to re-establish the gap, and it feels larger this time.
And the pain in my forearm - and now my chest - is getting harder to ignore, draining my stamina. I can't catch up to him.
And then he's gone.
I wake with a start, Izuku's name on my lips and my heart frantic against my ribcage. It doesn't take me too long to get my bearings. I'm alone in my dorm, which is still pitch black from the night. I raise my uninjured hand, using the back of it to wipe away the sweat that has matted blonde strands of hair to my forehead. Everything fucking hurts, but my splinted arm is in a special kind of agony. I can just barely hear the light tapping on my window over the sound of my heart pounding in my ears and my own shuddering breaths.
I hate the rain. Even moreso now that the humidity is capable of wrecking my damaged body from the inside.
I flip on the lamp beside me, clumsily reaching for a bottle of meds on the nightstand with a trembling hand. I have to bite the lid off, having only one functional hand to work with currently. Carefully, I pour a single pill onto the nightstand to collect after I've managed to get the lid back on. I repeat the process with a second bottle, gulping both pills down with a full glass of water.
It seems that no matter how I time out the doses, my pain meds always wear off in the middle of the night, without fail. And I'm almost ashamed to admit how quickly my supply of anxiety meds is dwindling. I was against the idea at first, but it doesn't seem logical to take risks like that with a defective heart. This has been an ongoing issue since I returned to UA, weeks ago now.
The nightmares aren't a daily occurrence, but they're frequent enough that I've gotten a routine nailed down: Take my meds. Calm my breathing. Wash my face.
...Find Izuku.
I'm grateful he at least feels safe enough here to keep his door unlocked. It makes it less of a hassle to peek my head in and reassure myself that he's still here without actually waking him up. I've done this perhaps a dozen times now. It's the only thing that seems to ease my mind after an episode. He doesn't know I've been doing it. He doesn't need to know. He has enough on his plate without having to worry about my issues.
I take a few minutes to focus on steadying my breathing before shuffling to the bathroom. I splash some water on my face and dry it with a towel, then risk a glance at the mirror. I look miserable, coming down from an adrenaline high, exhausted from lack of sleep, still in a slight panic. The meds will work soon, but they only counter the physical effects of an anxiety attack. The rest is up to me. That's why I have to go see Izuku, to tame the worrying thoughts that always linger long after the adrenaline has left my system.
I let out another long breath, slightly less shaky as I start to slow my racing heart. Then I make my way to the elevator, to the second floor, and finally, Izuku's dorm. I turn the knob as slowly and quietly as possible, cracking the door open just enough to poke my head in and allow my eyes to adjust to the darkness.
“Kacchan?”
I jump so hard I almost hit myself with the door.
Shit. He's awake. And crying, if the crack in his voice is any indication.
“Jesus, Izuku,” I huff, stepping in the rest of the way and latching the door behind me.
“S-sorry. What are you...?”
I flick the overhead light on. Izuku winces, squinting at me through swollen eyes. He looks even worse than I do, with his wobbly, tear-streaked face. He drags a scar-riddled arm across it, attempting to erase the moisture that keeps spilling down his cheeks. It doesn't seem to make a difference. He never has been able to fix those leaky eyes.
I study him for a few seconds, assessing the damage. Clearly, he's been panicking too, and the dark circles under his eyes tell me he's been awake for a while now. He must have woken up from a nightmare, same as me. Has he been dealing with these on his own this whole time?
I feel stupid for even wondering that. Of course he has. Izuku went through more trauma than any of us, probably. And him being Izuku, he almost certainly hasn't asked anyone for any help. I should have figured this out sooner. If his nightmares are anything like mine, maybe I could have made them more bearable.
“Scoot over.” I sit on the edge of the bed, waiting for him to move.
He sniffles. “It's fine, Kacchan. You don't have to--”
“Scoot, Izuku,” I say, quietly but sternly.
He slides closer to the wall, allowing me some space to settle in next to him.
“Do you have nightmares a lot?” I press. He shrugs. “You should have told me.”
“I couldn't bother you with that, Kacchan.”
I look at him carefully. I consider scolding him for ever thinking that he was a bother, but it's my own damn fault he feels that way, isn't it? I try a different approach.
“I have them too.” Izuku shifts next to me, surprised. “Who wouldn't, after the shit we went through?”
He breathes out a humorless laugh. “Yeah.”
“You know what I do?”
He blinks, surprised at my openness. I'm a little surprised myself, honestly, but the anxiety meds seem to be keeping my heart from protesting much against the vulnerability I'm offering. Maybe the painkillers, too, I realize. The pain in my arm has started to fade a little bit.
“I come here. Make sure you're okay, and haven't... run off, or something.”
Izuku's expression goes from surprised to apologetic quickly.
“I'm s—”
“Don't. That's not why I'm telling you this.” He waits silently, searching my eyes for an answer. It's a struggle to be this honest while maintaining eye contact, but I make the effort anyway.
“Izuku,” I say gently. “If I had woken you up any of those times, would it have bothered you?”
“Of course not!” he protests.
“Then,” I continue, my voice steady. I hook an arm around Izuku's shoulders, and he gasps as I pull him close, tipping his weight against me. “Wake me up next time.”
He responds with a small, choked noise and an uncertain nod, letting his head settle on my shoulder. Tender physical moments like these are highly unusual for us, but it feels... right. My earlier worries about his absence have totally dissipated. Even on nights when I've come in to check on him, my anxiety still clings on somewhere deep, until the next time I'm able to speak with him. All I feel right now is him next to me, quiet sobs shaking through him.
I tilt my head to the side, resting it against Izuku's. And I just hold him like that for a long time, his cries eventually dying down until I can just hear his breathing and the rain outside.
“D'you wanna talk about it?” I offer. His hair tickles my face as he shakes his head. I just nod. My head is quickly filling up with the fog that comes with combining heavy painkillers and beta blockers. I should return to my dorm before I fall asleep. Maybe.
“'Zuku?” I murmur, lifting my head with no small amount of effort.
He looks up at me. “Yeah, Kacchan?” His voice is barely above a whisper.
I try to focus on him through half-lidded eyes, my head dropping back lightly against the headboard. I may have waited too long to move. “'M sleepy,” I manage.
“Oh, r-right!” Izuku leans back, letting my arm drop from around him. “You should go back to sleep.”
“Mhm.” I don't recall the meds ever knocking me out this quickly, but I'm usually also back at my dorm at this point, and time doesn't feel entirely real right now.
“K-Kacchan?”
I crack my eyes open at him, hardly even aware they had shut in the first place. I blink a few times at his concerned expression, trying to force myself back into consciousness.
“Do...” Izuku's face goes red, like it does any time he gets flustered. “Do you wanna just sleep here?”
I give an affirmative hum, taking it as an invitation to slide down into a more comfortable position. He's quiet for a few seconds, and then I feel him tuck a pillow under my head. I nuzzle into it with a sigh. It smells nice. Like Izuku.
I'm fully out before he finishes draping a blanket over me.
-
My mouth is dry when I wake up – another fun side-effect of the painkillers. There's a dull ache in my arm, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was last night.
Last night...
I rub the bleariness from my eyes. I'm not in my room. Where...? I turn my head and see Izuku asleep next to me. Vague pieces from the previous night come flooding back to me. I came here to check on him... He was awake... And then I... fell asleep in his bed?
My breath gets caught in my throat as I watch his chest rise and fall slowly, a peaceful look on his face. I'm not sure if I've ever seen him this relaxed before. How could I possibly wake him up?
But... I'm so thirsty. And the water I chugged last night has caught up with me.
And I'm in his bed, my brain reminds me, unhelpfully.
At least it's Saturday, which means he can always go back to sleeping in if I do happen to wake him up. I still make an effort not to, carefully sliding off the bed until he stirs slightly. I pause, waiting for him to still again before sneaking off to the bathroom. To my surprise, he's still asleep when I return, in spite of the running water and toilet flushing. Either he's a heavy sleeper, or this is the first time in a while he's felt secure enough to fully shut down. My heart sinks a little when I conclude that the latter scenario is more likely.
I linger in the middle of the room for a minute, wondering what to do next. Waking Izuku up is not an option, if this is in fact the first decent rest he's gotten in a while. Taking off without saying anything also feels like a pretty shitty move, even for me. And sitting in his room while he sleeps, waiting for him to wake up? Definitely something a creep would do. I'll need another dose soon, anyway. And probably a shower, if I'm being honest.
I locate a pad of sticky notes on his desk, finally deciding that leaving him a note is probably the safest option.
Izuku,
Needed meds and a shower. Text me when you wake up.
- K
I stare at the note for a moment before doing something embarrassingly sentimental, adding letters to the signature to read “Kacchan” instead of just “K”. My face feels warmer, seeing it written out in my own handwriting like that, but I stick it to the pillow next to Izuku and slip out of the room before I can second guess myself. It's such a small, stupid, thing, but I know he'll smile when he reads it.
When did I get so fucking sappy?
I close the door behind me as silently as possible, and then freeze, hand still on the knob, when I spot someone moving in my peripheral. Tokoyami is heading in my direction, seemingly having just left his dorm as well. He stops a few feet away from me, studying the panic and bewilderment on my face, then gives me a solemn nod before passing by.
My eye twitches as I scream internally.
“Tokoyami, wait.” I trail after him, trying not to raise my voice too much.
“Good morning, Bakugo.” He presses the elevator's call button without looking at me. “How's Midoriya?” I don't sense any malice or smugness in his tone, but my cheeks are still on fire.
I grit my teeth. “Whatever you think that was--”
“I understand he's been having nightmares.” Tokoyami side-eyes me, and we step into the now open elevator. Some of the tension leaves my shoulders, but now I'm a little pissed at myself. Even Tokoyami knew, and I didn't? Some friend I am.
“Yeah,” I sigh.
He nods again, expression unwavering. “The night can be a cruel mistress, even for our Midoriya.”
Our Midoriya? Why does that phrasing annoy me so much?
I shake the thought off. It's not important right now.
“Do me a favor and keep this to yourself, got it?” I'm relieved that he didn't jump to any conclusions, but I don't need other people blowing this out of proportion. If Kirishima or Kaminari, or, god forbid, Ashido found out I was caught sneaking out of Izuku's bedroom, I'd never hear the end of it.
“It's not my place to go spreading around others' tales of woe.”
“Right. Thanks,” I mutter as the doors open back up to my floor. I'm not sure I'll ever get used to his unusual manner of speaking, but I'm not about to start giving him grief for it now, while he has this kind of leverage.
“Bakugo,” Tokoyami calls after me. “Take care of him. Midoriya is a creature of solitude when it comes to his own needs, but it seems he'll make an exception for you.”
It's subtle, but there's some amount of relief in his eyes as well.
“I got it,” I assure.
He gives one final nod before disappearing behind the closing doors. That could have gone a lot worse, I suppose. I could have run into Mineta. I cringe at the thought as I head into my dorm.
The scalding water from the shower does wonders to soothe my aching joints and ligaments. I stay under the stream a lot longer than necessary, relaxing and breathing in the steam. I could stay in here all day, if I didn't have shit to do. And if my phone hadn't just chimed with a series of message notifications.
It takes longer than I'd like to dry off and get dressed, and the struggle to get my arm back into the brace completely negates all of the relaxation from the shower. As I fail a third time to latch it, it occurs to me that the shower should have come after the pain meds. The growing soreness is doing nothing to help stabilize my arm, and I finally give up, tossing the splint away in frustration and snatching up my phone. As expected, the messages are all from Izuku. I tap out my response.
Izuku: Good morning kacchan!
Izuku: Did you sleep ok?
Izuku: Thanks for coming by last night, I hope it wasn't too much of a hassle...
Katsuki: I thought I told you to cut that shit out. You're not a hassle
Katsuki: And yeah, I slept great, thanks
I stare at the screen for a moment before sighing.
Katsuki: Come help me with my splint
Katsuki: Please
Izuku: Omw!
Cradling my arm, I head back into the bedroom and wait on the edge of the bed. Thankfully, Izuku doesn't keep me waiting long, as there's soon a knock at the door.
“Come in,” I call. He appears in the doorway with a smile, which I try to reciprocate, but it falls a little flat with the nagging sharpness in my arm.
He looks better today, more rested than he's been in quite a while. I hope he'll take my advice to heart and come visit me when he needs reassurance.
“Hi, Kacchan! Where, uh...?”
Oh, right. I nod toward the bathroom and Izuku scurries over to fetch my brace. Then he gingerly takes my outstretched arm, binding it tightly but with such deliberate care. I've had to ask him to do this a few times in the past, when the pain prevented me from doing it myself, and was bad enough to overrule my stubbornness.
“Thanks,” I say, after he's finished hooking the last strap.
“How is it?”
I shrug. “It was worse last night. Always gets worse when it rains.” I throw a scowl toward the window, as if the weather can hear my complaints. Then I reach past him for one of my many prescription bottles - a weaker drug that isn't quite as effective, but makes the pain somewhat bearable without knocking me unconscious. “These help.”
“Oh, let me.” Izuku extends a hand. I pass him the bottle, a little annoyed at how much he's already helped me today. He twists the cap off and pours a dose into my open palm. Then he picks up the empty glass nearby.
“I can get my own water,” I grumble.
“I know, Kacchan,” he laughs, then disappears to refill it before I have any time to argue. I accept it with a little huff that seems to widen his smile, and down the pill. Pulling my legs up onto the bed, I settle against the wall while I wait for the meds to take effect. Izuku sits down on the edge beside me, looking at me with concern.
“What are you starin' at?”
He averts his eyes, embarrassed. “Ah! Nothing! I was just...” He fidgets nervously with the hem of his shirt. “Um. About last night?”
I feel an uneasiness take root in my stomach. “What about it?”
He shakes his head, like he regrets bringing it up in the first place. “Never mind. It's nothing.”
“Spit it out, Izuku.”
“It's just... We haven't really had a sleepover like that since we were little kids.” Izuku shrinks a little. “It was nice.”
I laugh. “Not sure that's what sleepovers are supposed to look like, but sure. It was nice,” I agree. “Hadn't planned on passing out in your bed, though.” I shake my own head at my lack of foresight.
“It's fine, really!” Izuku insists. “There's plenty of room. A-any time you want.” His face gets redder, somehow.
“Izuku.” My gaze softens when he looks up. “You too, okay?”
I think the joy that appears on his face could actually destroy me. “Yeah?”
I smile. “Yeah.”