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JJ stands in front of his house, clutching a glass bottle of orange juice that Net handed him with the softest smile of his before driving off. Time stills just like JJ's breath until he lets out an audible sigh.
This will never get easy - trying not to slip up and end up spilling all his emotions and feelings out. Net isn't making it any better either. Ever so caring and attentive. Exactly what JJ likes, no, loves. Two years have flown by unnoticed, but his feelings are only growing stronger, almost in a suffocating way. Keeping all that inside is torturous. Yet, JJ fights himself every step of the way.
"I'm a lovesick loser," he says out loud, picking on the bottle's cap with his fingernails.
He shakes his head as if it will get rid of the unnecessary thoughts. No, there's no time for self-deprecation.
JJ doesn't drink the juice, leaving it on the bottom shelf of a fridge. Maybe he'll bring it tomorrow for work.
Opening his laptop, he glowers at the wall of text he wrote yesterday. JJ left the last sentence unfinished. A minute passes, another ten. He pinches the bridge of his nose, eyes squinted. No additional words appear on the screen. Eventually, JJ closes the document. He's stuck, and so is his novel's plot. Perhaps it's best if he returns to it tomorrow.
When the unwanted morning arrives, JJ is still sprawled on the bed, one of his legs sticking out. He lies there, refusing to get up. Five minutes of extra sleep never hurt anyone, right? Besides, the alarm has yet to blare. JJ nuzzles into his pillow, which is weirdly soft today. Usually, it becomes flat by the time he wakes up.
Recently, Net scolded him for that, saying even a pillow affects the quality of sleep and promising to buy him a new one. JJ nodded along, but deep down, he felt warmth spreading. Net gets too considerate sometimes, which in turn messes with JJ's heart.
Those emotions, he's only read about them in books and written down in the corners of his math notebooks back when he was in high school. Young, ambitious, and embarrassingly in love, well, with love. Now, JJ is the one experiencing all of that, the highs and lows of being enamored with someone, not a character in a romance book or in the drafts of his novel. Who would have thought?
When the said extra minutes start to seem suspiciously long, JJ peeks through one eye. He knows his pillow is purple with clouds. Not this one, though. It's dark green and made of silk, not cotton. He scrambles, pushing the blanket off the bed. JJ is definitely fully awake now as he frantically whips his head around, left and right. The room he's in is completely unfamiliar. A rather hard slap on his cheek does nothing and doesn't pull him away from what he's initially assumed was a dream. Apparently not.
JJ sits up, frozen, eyes bigger than ever, and alert. He looks down and sighs in somewhat of a relief, he's not naked at least. Still, nothing makes sense. Wasn't he home just yesterday? JJ wasn't even drunk to wander off somewhere unknown.
His phone isn't with him either; he checked underneath the pillows.
Wait, pillows? As in plural?
JJ scans the bed and gulps - a king-size bed. And the other side looks wrinkled, as though someone slept with JJ right beside them. He touches the sheets there and immediately retracts his hand. They're warm, still saving the presence of that 'someone'.
The sound of footsteps behind the door makes JJ hold his breath. Hurriedly, he picks up the blanket and hides fully underneath it, head and all.
"Baby, weren't you the one scolding me for not wanting to get up? Come on, the breakfast is ready."
JJ perks up. Was that Net's voice? And what does he mean by 'baby'?
Before he can process what he has just heard, he gets grabbed by the ankles. JJ yelps at the sudden touch. Thankfully, the blanket stays covering his top half. JJ kicks the tickling hands and wriggles back to the headboard.
"Ouch, you scratched me," Net says in a sulking tone. "Don't tell me you want round two, auan."
Round two? Round two of what? And why does Net sound even sweeter, as in saccharine sweet, syrupy-sweet?
Sweat trickles down JJ's forehead. He wants to throw the blanket away and get some air, but the whole situation confuses him, so he remains motionless.
"Ju, what's wrong?" The playfulness vanishes and is replaced by concern.
"I- P'Net, I don't understand-"
JJ can't finish his sentence, because the next thing that reaches his ears might as well drive him over the edge.
"Who's that?"
Silence that follows afterwards is one of a kind. JJ can hear the blood pumping in his ears. He squeals when someone snatches the blanket off him; he doesn't even have time to understand what's just happened.
Two pairs of very, very wide-open eyes pierce into him, jaws slack. Most likely, JJ looks the same, if not worse. He lurches backwards, wrapping his arms around himself, until his back hits the headboard.
In front of JJ stands another him, another JJ, and beside him is Net. But this Net is different.
They're both different!
JJ takes note of their appearance. This JJ has got his black hair back, and it's pretty long, curls reaching his jawline; shoulders wide and posture straighter, more confident. Whereas this Net is almost the same, but still not like 'his' Net, the one he just sat with in a car, the one who bought him orange juice.
JJ glances back and forth between the two of these, he supposes, future versions, before loudly groaning. What kind of sick joke is this? Fate saw him acting in a time travel series and decided to make it a real thing?
"Well, looks like we've come to the same conclusion," finally speaks up 'future' JJ.
JJ nods hesitantly. His older counterpart smiles reassuringly at him.
"Why aren't you both losing your minds? How are you this calm?" asks Net, eyebrows still raised high as though they're about to fly off. "Jay, pinch me real quick."
Future JJ rolls his eyes, yet obeys his Phi and pinches his nipple over the T-shirt.
"Hey, not there! Ok, I'm not dreaming then. Though it doesn't help at all."
JJ stares silently, his brain having a hard time making sense of the peculiar predicament he's in. The good thing is that his heart doesn't beat like a crazy drum show anymore. It's still far from steady, though.
"Um, JJ?" his future self carefully sits down on the corner of the bed. "Why don't we talk over the table? You must be hungry. But first, let me give you some clothes."
JJ remains at a loss for words, while Net and older JJ make him a sandwich. He intentionally chooses the farthest seat at the table, hands on his knees, and eyes anywhere but the pair.
The sandwich looks delicious, but JJ doesn't give it a lot of thought as he takes his first bite. Any other day, he'd light up and ask for another one. Not today. After the second bite, his stomach refuses to accept more, so JJ apologetically sets it back on a plate, eyes cast downwards.
"I think you two are way too calm," breaks the silence Net, glancing back and forth between both JJs.
"I- you, Phi?" JJ stutters as he addresses his future self.
"None of that, just call me Radchapon. It must be weird to call me by the name you're used to call yourself, so this will at least make it easier." The future JJ, no, Radchapon waves his hand and turns to Net next. "And what panicking would even solve?"
Net smiles, shrugging before he, to JJ's utter shock, leans forward and pecks Radchapon on the lips. The latter huffs and pushes Net back to his chair rather half-heartedly, playfully even.
"Well, that I didn't see coming," comments JJ, mouth agape.
Realizing both men are now looking at him, JJ brings a hand to his mouth and shuts his eyes. It surely is a dream, right? There's no way Net just did that.
"Now get out of that overthinking head of yours, nong."
JJ squints one eye open and notices how close Radchapon has gotten to him. He can't help but gawk at his future self. He knows he's not that of a bad-looking guy, and the fans always call him both pretty and handsome, but this person, this JJ is beyond his expectations. Is he really going to look like that in a few years?
Speaking of years!
"What day is it? I mean, the date, the year?"
"May, 2030," Net answers, dragging his chair closer to Radchapon, "and what year did you come from?"
JJ takes note of how naturally Net and Radchapon intertwine their fingers under the table, all while giving JJ their full attention. It's good to see that his future self and future Net are still as level-headed as JJ and Net of his own timeline are. Or maybe they're all odd for not running around in disbelief.
"It's May for me too, but in 2026."
Silence settles in again. Radchapon and Net exchange glances that only they themselves can understand. They don't even need to say anything out loud. Net ruffles Radchapon's hair and nods, as if giving him permission for something.
A pang of jealousy blooms in JJ's sternum. Don't get him wrong, his and 'his' Net's relationship is already great, and JJ wouldn't dare wish for more, yet these two make him wonder about all the possibilities, the positive kind.
A second later, realization hits. It's 2030, four whole years into the future, and he and Net are still together. If JJ were alone, he's not sure how he'd take such news, he'd probably cry his eyes out. Certainly, not now. There are thousands of questions running through his mind, but the only one that rushes out of his lips makes JJ want to bury his head in the ground.
"What are you to each other?"
"Thought so," Radchapon says instead as he leans in, mischievousness radiating off of him. "You haven't confessed yet, have you?"
JJ recoils, cheeks getting heated. The question almost made him fall out of the chair. He averts his eyes from Radchapon, but they immediately meet Net's instead, whose expression seems far more solemn than the mood of their conversation.
"You weren't sure of it, of us?" frowns Net, then turning to Radchapon adds, "Why didn't you tell me you were going through it?"
Giving Net a small smile, JJ's future version pats the back of his head and squeezes it.
"Your reassurances back then were more than enough, excessive even. It's on me. You know how I tend to get inside my head and overthink most of the time. I cherished you so much, yet dreaded to see us drift apart once the series ended."
JJ arches one eyebrow - so that's how people feel around them. The future NetJJ are way too intense. Warmth and relief temporarily replace his worries. At last, fate didn't find it necessary to separate their paths, to which he's endlessly grateful.
"So why haven't you told P'Net about your feelings?" asks Radchapon, clasping his hands together, a grin playing on his face.
JJ does want to reply, but holds back after giving it a second thought. How is he supposed to speak about Net to Net's face?
And yes, even if it's not technically 'his' Net, it's Net nonetheless, be it a past or a future version. JJ can't even maintain prolonged eye contact with his own counterpart, let alone endure one from Net.
Noticing his hesitation, Radchapon nudges Net on the forearm. The latter tilts his head, confused.
"P'Net, could you please go buy us ice cream? I'm craving something sweet."
"But I don't want to go! He's so cute, I just want to keep admiring and admiring how tiny and adorable you were at the time." Net pouts, yet stands up as soon as Radchapon's glare pierces into him.
Lifting his arms in surrender, Net leaves, but not before pulling Radchapon into a rather passionate kiss. All while JJ's face morphs into an expression he's never had before. JJ thought he'd already seen everything in the world, and nothing could surprise him, yet this situation he's currently in proves him wrong. JJ schools his expression once Radchapon's attention is back on him. He scratches his temple and sets his gaze on the cup of tea beside the plate. Suddenly, his throat is dry.
A laugh escapes from Radchapon, and he almost ends up choking on the piece of toast he's been trying to finish mid-conversation.
"Yep, we are, we are. And so will you, nong."
"With P'Net?" JJ asks.
"Who else would it be? For me, for us, it was always P'Net, wasn't it? He's gone now, so you can tell me anything. You're me, I'm you anyway."
JJ bites the inside of his cheek. Is it really possible? Is his mind playing tricks on him, making him foolishly believe he time-traveled and somehow all of his fervent hopes will come true in the future? JJ shakes the thoughts off. He's already overwhelmed, so having another thing to stress about isn't convenient, per se.
"I can basically hear the gears in your brain turning. Why don't you share them with me out loud? I'm sure I can help make sense of them."
"If I confess, would he accept my feelings? Would it affect whatever relationship we have right now? Wouldn't our work suffer from it as well? How did you…how are you still together?" The dam is finally open, and JJ spills all his concerns out. "I'm afraid it might harm P'Net. I don't want him to suffer. He has had enough of it. I don't want to be the cause of his pain."
JJ's eyes begin to sting as he tries to keep his composure. He's never shared this with anyone, never even thought he would ever. Now, unloading it all, he does sound pathetic to his own ears. All this time, the walls JJ built, the locks he made sure of, and the opening doors he kept pushing against ate him away piece by piece, fraction by fraction. And today is the day he sets it free.
JJ lowers his head, but the sniffles (not his!) make him snap it back up.
"Ugh, sorry, you just made me relive these emotions all over again." Radchapon clears his throat as he wipes the tears off with a tissue. "I didn't know I was this-"
"Insecure?" interrupted him JJ.
"No, in love."
"Is it that obvious?"
"It was always obvious for everyone, in fact, except for P'Net," says Radchapon, rolling his eyes, his tone changing into an affectionate one. "With him, you need words, clear communication, otherwise he'd be too afraid of ruining what he fought for, and that is you, it's us, nong."
Fidgeting with the ends of a tablecloth, JJ hums in acknowledgement. It is correct, being with JJ must have felt like a battle, a war even for Net. How did he not yield under pressure after all the backlash and hatred poured in?
JJ pushes down the thought of not returning to the past. It's the first time today he truly remembers that this might be an actual possibility. Did anyone notice his absence? How many minutes or hours have passed in his timeline? Things begin to feel rather gloomy and hopeless. Does JJ have a mission to complete, just like his character in the series? What would that even be, given that in the future there is already a version of him?
"But you're brave, JJ." Radchapon covers JJ's hand with his; it's warm and somehow comforting. "Aren't you the one who takes on challenges no matter how impossible they seem at first?"
"So you think I've been sent here to face myself and my feelings?"
"Precisely. I'm happy to see I wasn't that dumb at your age."
"Hey!" JJ shoves the future version's hand away, but he doesn't do it seriously or with the intention to cause pain.
"Unfortunately for me, I see why P'Net loves to tease me," adds Radchapon as he crosses his arms over his chest.
"Why so?" mirrors his pose JJ.
"The way you react to anything is quite cute."
"And I'm still insufferable even in 2030," JJ groans, slapping a hand to his forehead.
Radchapon laughs, his whole body shaking, eyes forming crescents. And the atmosphere becomes somehow lighter, as if a fresh breeze blew through the window, and JJ's muscles relax, and lungs fill up with more air. He observes his older counterpart, noticing how carefree and comfortable he behaves. Can JJ really grow into this person in only a few years? If so, he's happy to welcome such a nice change. It's weird to sit beside someone who is exactly like you, yet better in so many ways. The future doesn't seem intimidating.
"Who wants some ice cream?" Net's head peeks through the doorway, and both JJ and Radchapon jump in sync.
This time, JJ doesn't refrain from enthusiastically eating two ice cream cones while Net and Radchapon just watch him do so. JJ stays oblivious.
"I bought new ones that haven't been released in 2026," comments Net when JJ turns the plastic wrapper around to see the brand.
"Even ice cream is better here," he whispers to himself.
"Can I give you a hug?"
JJ falters as he drops the wrapper on the table. Standing up, he shoots a questioning look at Radchapon, asking for his guidance or permission (he's not sure), to which the older nods gleefully. Fidgeting from one foot to another, he waits for Net to make the first move. It's still the same Net he grew accustomed to, but not quite 'his'. Not daring to meet Net's eyes, JJ casts his own down, arms hanging awkwardly, not knowing what to do next.
There's nothing to worry about anymore, because the next thing JJ feels is the man's arms sliding over his shoulders, the sides of their heads coming into contact. He stills, going as far as to hold his breath for a second. When nothing out of the ordinary happens, JJ lets himself melt into Net's embrace. He smiles to himself as he realizes that the hug is very familiar. The hug that can only be bestowed by one person in the whole world. Every centimeter of JJ's body knows and loves the warmth and comfort this particular embrace provides.
"When you go back," begins Net, whispering into JJ's ear (it tickles, but he doesn't mind), "tell him everything you've been keeping inside. You won't regret it, I promise. Do you trust your Phi?"
"I do."
"Even if you saw us in a relationship here in the future, you're still unsure. I can sense it. Why?"
Leaning back just a little, JJ glances at Radchapon, who stands near them, keeping a small distance, a toothy smile playing on his face. Radchapon winks at JJ when he catches him staring.
"What if this is a different universe and the future of another me?" The question that's been on his mind this whole time is said out loud, at last. "What if 'my' Net won't accept my feelings, won't react the same way you did?"
"Cute, so cute. You just called him 'yours'!" exclaims Net and proceeds to squish and poke his sides.
JJ wiggles and squirms, trying not to burst into laughter. They're having a serious discussion after all! Only when his expression morphs into a sour one does Net halt the antics, but he doesn't let go of JJ.
"Answer my question." A loud sigh leaves JJ's lips.
"He's just too excited to have you like this, all flustered. These days, P'Net has to go to far greater lengths to tease me and get a reaction he oh so wants. I'm not so easy anymore," proudly declares Radchapon.
Net shrugs sheepishly and ruffles JJ's hair. A mere second later, a solemn expression is back again. Patiently, JJ awaits.
"Even if it was another universe, it doesn't really matter, for I believe in every single one of them, I, Net Siraphop, am head over heels for my JJ. I don't doubt that and you shouldn't either, nong."
Making a sound of acknowledgement, JJ buries his face in the crook of Net's neck. The words he said reverberate in between his restless thoughts. To JJ's surprise, they're no longer dark or dejected. There is a weak glimmer of hope blooming in his chest. Although tiny, JJ will make sure the flame doesn't get put out.
At least, he will give it a try.
"I'm going to," JJ murmurs.
"Come again?" asks Radchapon as he places his hand on JJ's forearm and caresses it.
"I love P'Net, and I'm going to tell him exactly that."
"That's my Juju!" Net's hug is firmer now.
"Our Juju," corrects Radchapon, playfulness in his voice, he too joining the impromptu hug session.
The time flows more slowly, and now it's JJ's turn to sniffle. He doesn't care if his snot gets all over Net's T-shirt. His eyelids droop, incredibly heavy. He attempts to keep them open, even going as far as to prop them up with his fingers. The warmth that Net offered transforms into tranquil heat, and JJ's limbs give out. He sags onto the floor, barely making out the words that the couple says.
JJ can't help but cave in to the unwelcome fatigue.
A ringtone jerks him awake. JJ grons as dull pain shoots through the front of his head. Slowly, he pries his eyes open. The bathroom lights are too bright, making him wince. He clears his throat - it's too dry, it stings. The phone goes silent for a moment before blaring again. Getting on his feet, JJ locates his phone in a sink with a cracked screen. Net's name lights it up.
"Yes, P'Net?"
JJ puts the call on speaker and checks the time. It's still the same day, the same evening. A loud sigh of relief fills the room.
"Ju, are you ok? I've called three times," Net's tone is gentle yet laced with worry.
"Yeah, I was washing up," JJ says as he touches his forehead and sucks air through his teeth; it hurts. "Why did you call?"
"I forgot to give you something. I'm outside, can you come down?"
"Sure, give me a minute."
JJ frowns. It looks like he passed out while brushing his teeth. It's a miracle he didn't poke his eye out with the toothbrush. His reflection stares back at him, expression exhausted. A huge bruise sticks out like a sore thumb. JJ runs his fingers through his hair and manages to hide half of it. He just hopes Net doesn't notice.
Leaning on his car, Net waits for JJ, arms crossed. The walk in his direction seems the longest. Embarrassed, he realizes he managed to miss him in such a short span of time. JJ suffocates the urge to run and fall into his arms. It would definitely be weird and out of the blue. For Net, they saw each other not even fifteen minutes ago. Maybe ten or eleven, he didn't count.
The whole ordeal with the time travel left JJ stunned. Was it even real, or did he hit his head so hard that he began hallucinating all of that? JJ decides to leave this overthinking hobby of his for tomorrow, because that's not what's important today. Who's important actually.
Net's face lights up when JJ is basically two steps away from him; he even goes as far as to fix his already flawlessly styled hair. For some reason, facing Net after the conversation JJ had with their future selves is nerve-wracking. His heartbeat creates a whole new rhythm, and his heart is about to jump out of his rib cage, beating against it like a trapped bird. JJ deeply exhales. Why does Net need to be this attractive?
"So what did you forget?" JJ pretends not to care much, lips pursed, and one eyebrow arched.
"This."
Without any warning, Net closes the distance and gives JJ's cheek a smooch. This unpredictable gesture is accompanied by a boisterous chuckle. Net takes a step back, preparing for just as lighthearted a shove or a smack to his chest or arms. He even moves side to side, getting ready to dodge JJ's incoming attacks. But nothing of that sort follows. Instead, Net meets JJ's piercing eyes and slightly parted lips; they glisten under the street lights. Net straightens his posture, confused.
JJ stays frozen in the spot, cheeks dusting with pink and growing hotter and hotter. The blood rushes to his ears as well. He most likely looks like a ripe tomato, but that's the least of his concerns (and priorities) right now.
Net made JJ activate his fight-or-flight response.
He chooses 'fight'.
"I like you."
The words land like a good punch, at least for JJ. He quickly looks away. Suddenly, the pavement is extremely eye-catching. Was it always like that, patterns upon patterns?
"I know. I like you too," the answer comes way too easily for Net.
"No, not like that!" JJ stummers out frantically. "I like you not as a friend or a junior, or a co-worker. Not at all! And-"
"Juju, I know, and I like you too," Net interrupts.
"P'Net, listen, you don't understand, not like- What?"
As JJ lifts his gaze, he hits Net's nose and recoils. He completely forgot about the damn bruise, and now it's pulsating as if it's a living thing. JJ hisses and immediately presses a hand to it. Remembering he's not the only one who got hurt, JJ recovers, reaches, and cups Net's face, whose expression resembles his own.
"Oh my god, did I break your nose, P'Net?"
"I'm ok, I just saw stars for a moment," Net brushes it off with a laugh, but a huge red mark on JJ's forehead upsets him.
Softly, Net grabs JJ by his cheeks before getting close to examine the damage. He looks way too solemn for such a hilarious situation. Meanwhile, JJ, sensing a big wave of guilt radiating off of Net, rushes to reassure him.
"You didn't do it. I hit my forehead earlier on a sink when I fell."
Despite the clear explanation, Net remains way too concerned about such a small injury. JJ almost wants to tease him. It's so 'Net' of him to go act this way.
"Did your blood sugar drop? How do you feel now? You aren't concussed, are you? Do you feel nauseous or dizzy? Tell your Phi. I can take you to a hospital, come on." Net interlocks their hands and begins to pull him towards the car.
"Repeat what you just told me." JJ doesn't budge; he refuses to move and yanks him back.
Net presses his lips into a thin line, preventing his smile from taking over. JJ pinches Net's cheek when he doesn't comply and smirks.
"I don't know what you mean, JJ," Net feigns an unconvincing obliviousness as he scratches his neck for a better performance.
"P'Net! So this is how it is. Fine, I'm going home then."
"Wait, wait, baby. Just kidding."
JJ pretends not to hear the pet name. Well, he tries. Yet he goes and betrays himself by blushing even further. A traitor to his own self.
"I love you." Net bats his eyelashes at him.
"Er," JJ blinks, then blinks again. "That's not what you said."
"Oh, I did not?" Net carefully wraps his arms around JJ's waist, hands resting on the small of his back. There's no space between them now. "Then, maybe I said that I'd die for you. Or if I had to go back in time, I'd make sure our paths crossed, and I ended up loving you once more. And I will never let you go or leave your side, unless you want me to. If-"
JJ places his index finger on Net's rambling lips. The latter doesn't miss an opportunity and puts his finger into his hot mouth. Any other day, JJ would've teasingly pushed him away, but today, he lets Net get his fill, literally, with his finger against Net's tongue. JJ doesn't admit out loud that he'd done the gesture with the intent of getting exactly that. He leans in, wanting to press their foreheads together, but as soon as he does it Net turns his head sideways a little. Noticing the way JJ's lips tremble and form a pout, he rushes to explain.
"Your bruise. We don't want it to worsen, do we, hm?"
To make up, Net holds the back of JJ's head and guides it to his shoulder. Unintentionally, JJ makes a tiny happy sound, and Net succeeds in damage control.
"P'Net, could you stay the night?" JJ mumbles into Net's neck, nuzzling deeper.
"Is that a question?" Net caresses JJ's back, his fingers tracing out hearts and stars.
"You know what, no. It's an order."
"Your wishes are my command!"
"Of course they are," giggles JJ.
When it's completely dark out and night finally settles over the city, JJ lies on his bed, as per usual. Although this time, he's not alone, for Net and his limbs are tightly wrapped around JJ's body.
"Thank you," JJ whispers in hopes that Radchapon and Net from the future will somehow hear and receive his heartfelt gratitude.
"What?" Half-asleep, Net snuggles closer as if they aren't practically melted into each other.
"Nothing," he shakes his head before kissing Net on the nose. "I love you too."
If Net were a cat, JJ would've heard the happiest purring by now.