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The cottage always smelled faintly like lake water and coffee. Ilya liked it. It smelled like summer, like Shane.
They were in the living room, spending the last warm hours of the evening exactly the way they usually did at the cottage. The couch sat beneath the open windows overlooking the lake, and golden sunlight spilled across the hardwood floor.
The windows were open, letting in warm evening air and the sound of bugs buzzing outside. Shane was stretched out on the couch in gray sweatpants, an old Montreal T-shirt and his glasses, one ankle crossed over the other, reading a book with that deeply serious expression he gave everything.
Ilya sat sideways next to him scrolling through Instagram because Harris had apparently decided that “fan engagement” was important. He did not understand why but it was a fun distraction.
“Look at this dog,” Ilya said.
“Mhm,” Shane mumbled, not looking up from his book.
“It has little rain boots.”
“Mhm, that's fun.”
“Shane.”
Shane looked up immediately then, because underneath all the hockey player stoicism and emotional repression, Shane Hollander had the instincts of an anxious cat. “What?”
Ilya turned the screen around. “Rain boots.”
Shane blinked at the tiny white dog standing miserably in yellow boots. “Oh.”
“Exactly,” Ilya said as he turned his phone back.
“It looks upset.”
“Of course, tiny capitalist fashion victim.”
Shane snorted softly and looked back at his book and Ilya watched him for a moment.
Summer suited Shane. Less tension in his shoulders, less media, less pressure. During the season, even now, even after everything, Shane still carried responsibility like it was physically attached to his spine.
At the cottage, he became softer around the edges. Not soft-soft, shane could never truly be soft. But the softest he could let himself be, was with Ilya.
He cooked more food he actually enjoyed eating, walked around in his slippers, kissed Ilya absentmindedly whenever he passed by him.
Sometimes Ilya looked at him and felt so much love it genuinely frightened him. Which was inconvenient, because he was already clinically anxious.
Ilya kept scrolling.
Half the internet seemed dedicated to asking impossible questions today. Would your boyfriend peel an orange for you? Would your girlfriend still date you if you lost all your memories? Would your husband survive the apocalypse?
Then the best question yet came on his screen. Would your partner still love you if you were a worm?
Ilya sat up straighter. “Shane.”
“Another dog?”
“No no, an important question,” Ilya answered with a little urgency in his voice.
Shane immediately looked wary. “Why do you sound like that? What's wrong?”
“Would you still love me if I turned into worm?”
Shane stared at him. “A worm?” He asked with a questioning look.
“Yes, a worm.” Ilya said, while he nodded his head.
Shane huffed a laugh thinking Ilya was joking, then when he realized Ilya wasn't, he took a minute to stare at him. "Are you really seriously asking me that?"
"Shane, this is important matter, would never joke."
“How would you turn into a worm?”
Ilya groaned loudly. “No, baby, that is not the point.”
“I think it’s a reasonable point.”
“You are supposed to answer immediately.”
“With what? There are follow up questions.”
Ilya dropped his phone dramatically onto his chest. “Hopeless.”
Shane’s mouth twitched. “I’m trying to understand the logistics.”
“There are no logistics. Suddenly one day, boom, worm boyfriend.” He said while pointing towards himself.
Shane rubbed his face. “Okay. But if you’re actually a worm, then your brain is gone.”
“No, same brain.”
“So you’re just..." Shane took a moment to think before continuing, "tiny?”
" да. Yes ”
“And a worm.”
" да. Yes ”
Shane considered this with painful seriousness. “I mean,” he said slowly, “I would take care of you.”
Ilya narrowed his eyes. “That is not what I asked.”
“I wouldn’t let you die.”
“Shane...”
“I’d get one of those terrarium things.”
“You would put me in cage?”
“It’s not a cage, it’s-”
“You would imprison me.”
“Ilya, where else would you go?”
“I would go with you everywhere because love knows no boundaries.”
“You’re a worm.”
“So?”
“So you’d dry out in my pocket.”
Ilya threw a cushion at him but Shane caught it automatically.
“I cannot believe this,” Ilya said. “Eight years together and first sign of adversity you put me in dirt prison.”
“I said I’d take care of you.”
“You would not kiss me anymore.”
“You’d be a worm.”
“You are saying your love is conditional.”
Shane laughed quietly now, shoulders shaking a little. “I think it would be weird if a human was romantically in love with a worm.”
“Coward.”
“Ilya.”
“Fake soulmate.”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
“And you are failing boyfriend test.”
Shane set his book down. “Okay, fine. Would you still love me if I turned into a worm?”
“Yes.”
“Immediately?”
“Yes of course.”
Shane looked unconvinced already, which offended Ilya deeply. “I would love you no matter what,” Ilya said. “You could turn into raccoon, you could turn into turtle, you could turn into weird hairless cat and I would call you Pork and still love you.”
“So if I magically turned into an animal, you would want it to be a cat?”
“No. Bunny.”
Shane blinked. “What?”
“I would prefer bunny. Is not so far from what you are now anyway.”
“What does that mean?”
“You are already nervous woodland creature.”
“I’m not nervous.”
“You jumped three feet yesterday because toaster popped.”
“It startled me.”
“You have prey animal instincts.”
Shane rolled his eyes, but he was smiling now. Ilya leaned forward earnestly. “If you were bunny, I would love you so much. I would carry you around. Feed you little lettuce leaves and ginger ale.”
“Leaves?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t think bunnies eat leaves.”
“They absolutely eat leaves. You know nothing about bunny culture.”
“You’d just keep me as a pet?”
“No, baby. As boyfriend.”
“That’s worse.”
“It is romantic.”
Shane snorted. “You wouldn’t actually want to take care of a bunny version of me.”
“I would.”
“For how long?”
“Forever.”
“You’re lying.”
“I am not lying.”
“You hate responsibility.”
“I literally keep you alive.”
“That’s not-”
“I would feed you little carrots and tuck you into a blanket.”
"Bunnies shouldn’t have carrots all the time.”
“Okay, wow, suddenly bunny expert.”
“You said ginger ale earlier.”
“Bunnies deserve treats.”
Shane shook his head. “You’d get bored after two days.”
Ilya stared at him. “No.”
Something shifted in Shane’s face. That happened sometimes. Tiny moments where Ilya could see the old uncertainty underneath him. The part of Shane that still couldn’t fully believe someone would stay.
Even now. Especially now, maybe.
After the trade. After the panic attacks. After Ilya left Boston. After everything they had survived together.
“You say that now,” Shane said lightly, but too lightly. “But eventually you’d want your real boyfriend back.”
“I would still have my real boyfriend.”
“You know what I mean.”
Ilya frowned. “You really think I will stop loving you because you become bunny?”
Shane shrugged one shoulder. “I think eventually reality would matter.”
“Reality matters now. I still love you.”
Shane looked away first. That, more than anything, made something ache sharply in Ilya’s chest.
Because Shane loved him so completely. Fiercely. Faithfully. But being loved back still surprised him sometimes. “I would love you forever,” Ilya said stubbornly.
Shane huffed a laugh. “Okay.”
“No, you do not believe me.”
“I do.”
“You absolutely do not.”
“You’re getting worked up over a hypothetical bunny me.”
“Because you think my love has limits.”
“Ilya-”
“I would carry you in little pouch.”
“Oh my God.”
“I would build tiny hockey rink for you.”
Shane laughed properly then, head tipping back against the couch cushion. God. Ilya loved him so much. It made him almost angry sometimes.
“You’re insane,” Shane said.
“You love it.”
“I tolerate it.”
The evening drifted onward after that. They made pasta together, which mostly involved Shane actually cooking while Ilya stole ingredients and kissed the back of his neck. Then they watched half a movie before abandoning it because Shane kept fact checking plot points aloud.
By the time they went upstairs, the argument had become one of those stupid ongoing relationship bits they would probably reference for years.
Shane brushed his teeth while Ilya leaned against the doorway watching him. “If you become bunny,” Ilya said, “I am buying you little sweaters.”
Shane pointed toothbrush at him. “No sweaters.”
“You do not get choice.”
“No humiliating outfits.”
“Tiny rain boots.”
“Absolutely not.”
Ilya grinned.
Later, lying in bed, Shane curled instinctively toward him, warm and solid and sleepy. Ilya wrapped an arm around his waist and pressed his face into Shane’s shoulder.
Outside, crickets buzzed in the dark. Shane was already half asleep when he muttered, “You’d probably kill bunny me accidentally.”
“I would not.”
“You forget to water plants.”
“Plants are boring.”
“Aren't I boring too?”
“You know what your boring means мой любимый my love ”
Shane hummed skeptically. Ilya frowned into the darkness.
At 11:11, glowing softly from the bedside clock, he squeezed his eyes shut and thought with embarrassing sincerity:
I wish I could show Shane how much I love him.
Then he went to sleep.
— ✦ —
Ilya woke up because something felt wrong. Years of hockey had trained him to notice absence immediately.
The bed beside him was empty, Ilya blinked at the ceiling wondering if Shane had already started getting ready. The bathroom light was off and no shower was running. The cottage was quiet except for birds outside.
“Shane?” Ilya mumbled.
Something moved near the pillow, and Ilya turned his head. A small bunny stared back at him. For one long second, neither Ilya or the bunny moved.
The bunny was a light shade of brown and soft looking. One ear slightly bent backward, big dark eyes and freckles. 'How can a bunny have freckles?' Ilya thought.
Ilya sat bolt upright. “ Что за черт what the hell. ”
The bunny bolted. “Oh my God-” Ilya exclaimed. It launched off the bed and disappeared out the bedroom door.
Ilya scrambled after it, nearly tripping over the sheets. “Shane?!”
The bunny froze halfway down the hallway at the top of the stairs. Slowly, very slowly, it turned around. It's eyes were wide, alarmed and a little offended.
“No,” Ilya whispered. The bunny's nose twitched. “Oh my God,” Ilya continued.
The bunny backed up a step. “No, baby, wait-” And then he ran. “SHANE!”
Ilya chased him downstairs in complete panic wearing only boxers. The bunny darted across the living room frighteningly fast, skidding on hardwood before disappearing beneath the couch.
Ilya dropped to his knees. “Okay,” he said breathlessly. “Okay, this is fine.”
Two brown eyes glared at him from the darkness underneath the couch. “You are bunny.” The glare intensified. “Oh my God, you are actually bunny.”
The bunny thumped one of its tiny feet. “Do not be mad at me,” Ilya whispered. “I did not do this on purpose.”
The bunny- no, Shane turned his back to him completely.
Ilya pressed both hands over his face. This could not be real, he was dreaming, having a psychotic break, carbon monoxide poisoning maybe.
Under the couch, Shane refused to move. “I know you can understand me,” Ilya said cautiously.
It was returned with silence. “Baby?” Ilya tried again.
Another furious little thump. Okay yes, definitely Shane.
Ilya sat cross legged on the floor trying to think through rising hysteria. His boyfriend had turned into a bunny. His very emotionally repressed boyfriend, who already had trust issues. And who now probably thought Ilya would stop loving him.
“Oh no,” Ilya said, very quietly.
Shane shifted slightly but still refused to look at him. “I love you,” Ilya blurted immediately. “You are still very handsome.”
There was the smallest twitch . “I mean it.”
Shane finally looked at him.
God, those eyes were exactly the same.
Ilya’s chest physically hurt. “Come here,” he whispered.
Shane did not move. “I am not lying, I swear.”
Still nothing. Ilya thought desperately. Then, carefully, he laid himself flat on the floor beside the couch and stuck one arm underneath. “You can stay there if you want,” he said softly. “But I am staying too.”
A long pause passed but then he felt some tiny cautious movement against his fingers.
Ilya nearly cried from relief. “There you are.”
Shane edged closer slowly, suspiciously. His fur was unbelievably soft. “Oh,” Ilya breathed.
Shane’s little button nose twitched against his wrist. “You are the cutest thing I have ever seen.” The bunny stared at him with profound skepticism. “No, really. Extremely cute, little stressed, anxious bunny.”
Another twitch. Ilya gently scratched behind one soft ear and Shane melted instantly. Ilya went still. “Oh my God,” he whispered. “You like ear scratches.”
Shane abruptly remembered his dignity and backed away again. “You are adorable.” Shane glared. “Tiny angry boyfriend.”
Thump. " я все еще люблю тебя, I still love you ” The bunny hesitated. Then finally hopped fully into his hand.
Relief flooded through Ilya so hard he laughed shakily. “There you are, мое солнышко my sunshine ”
Very carefully, he lifted Shane out from beneath the couch and pulled him towards his chest. Shane froze in his arms, tense and trembling slightly.
“It’s okay,” Ilya murmured immediately. “I’ve got you.”
He sat back against the couch holding him even closer to his chest. Ilya felt a tiny heartbeat fluttering wildly. “Oh,” he whispered.
He could feel how scared Shane was. Not bunny scared but Shane scared. “You thought I would not love you anymore?”
Shane turned his little head to look away. “I told you already, I love you no matter what.”
One ear flicked uncertainly. Ilya kissed the top of his little furry head. Shane went completely still but then eventually slowly relaxed.
— ✦ —
The practical issues started about twenty minutes later.
“Okay,” Ilya said seriously, sitting at the kitchen table with bunny Shane beside his cereal bowl. “What do bunnies eat besides leaves?”
Shane stared at him.
“Yes, yes, you were right. Congratulations,” Ilya said while waving his had dismissably. “You are being very annoying for someone magically transformed.”
Ilya googled bunny care for nearly an hour while Shane sat nearby looking judgmental. Apparently bunnies and rabbits could not survive exclusively on pasta leftovers and ginger ale.
“Internet ruins everything,” Ilya muttered.
Shane hopped onto his lap. Ilya immediately forgot everything else. “Oh, you want cuddles?”
Shane settled against his stomach. “I win,” Ilya informed him. “You are naturally affectionate now.”
Shane bit his finger.
“Ow! Okay, rude.”
Ilya eventually found lettuce and herbs in the fridge and arranged them carefully on a plate.
Shane sniffed them and then looked up at him.
“What?”
Shane looked back at the food.
“You are picky now too?”
The bunny refused to eat. Ilya sighed dramatically. “This relationship is exhausting.”
Eventually Shane accepted basil leaves directly from Ilya’s hand, which felt weirdly intimate. They were still sitting at the kitchen table, Ilya turned sideways in his chair so Shane could stay comfortably in his lap while he ate.
“There,” Ilya said proudly. “See? I take excellent care of you.”
Shane continued chewing.
“I am best bunny boyfriend.”
The bunny climbed onto his chest and tucked himself under Ilya’s chin. Ilya nearly died. “Oh no,” he whispered. “You are too cute, this is dangerous.”
Shane closed his eyes. For a long moment, they just stayed there together in the quiet cottage. Warm sunlight through the windows. A tiny animal breathing against Ilya's throat. He stroked the soft fur carefully.
“You know,” he murmured, “I think maybe you do not understand something.”
Ilya felt one of Shane's ears twitch against his jaw.
“I already love you in all the weird versions of yourself.”
Shane lifted his head slightly, just enough to look up at him.
“When you are anxious and snappy, when you pretend you are fine, when you get bossy, when you yell at me for doing laundry incorrectly, when you leave me alone in bed to go on morning run.”
The bunny looked a bit offended.
“Yes, even then,” Ilya smiled faintly. “I do not love you because you are useful to me, or handsome, or even human.”
Shane stared at him very intently now.
“I love you because you are you.”
Something in those dark bunny eyes softened.
And maybe it was ridiculous. Maybe it was impossible. But Ilya swore he could see Shane understanding him.
He kissed between his ears again. “This is easier, actually,” he admitted quietly. “Now you cannot interrupt me with logic.”
Shane bit his chin.
“Again. Ow!”
— ✦ —
The interruption happened at exactly two fourteen in the afternoon.
Ilya knew this because he was currently lying face down on the couch with bunny Shane sprawled across the back of his neck like a tiny heated scarf when his phone started vibrating violently against the coffee table.
Shane startled immediately.
“Oh, relax,” Ilya mumbled. “Phone is not a predator.”
The bunny thumped once against his shoulder anyway. Ilya turned his head enough to glance at the screen and immediately froze.
“Oh no.” Shane lifted his head sharply. “It's David.”
The bunny sat upright instantly.
"This is a problem,” Ilya whispered urgently. “You are supposed to be human right now.”
Shane stared at him like that was somehow Ilya’s fault. The phone kept vibrating. “If I do not answer he will think we are dead,” Ilya muttered.
Shane’s ears twitched back. “Okay. We stay calm.” Ilya said as he carefully lifted the bunny into his lap. “No weird noises.” The bunny looked deeply offended by the suggestion.
Ilya answered the call. “Hey, David.”
“Hi, Ilya.” David sounded distracted, papers shuffling somewhere on the other end. “Sorry, is Shane around?”
Immediately Ilya could hear a thump.
Ilya slapped one hand gently over bunny Shane before he could launch himself toward the phone. “Yes,” he said quickly. “He is- busy.”
David paused. “Busy?”
Shane wriggled furiously beneath Ilya’s hand. “Yes, Very busy.”
Another aggressive thump echoed through the cottage. David went quiet for a second. “...What was that?”
Ilya looked down at the furious rabbit glaring up at him. “Nothing.”
“That sounded like a rodent.”
“It is not rodent.”
Another thump. “Sounds judgmental,” David observed.
“It is Canadian animal,” Ilya said weakly.
Shane actually tried to climb up Ilya’s chest toward the phone now, tiny paws scrabbling against his shirt.
“ о мой Бог oh my god , стоп stop ” Ilya hissed under his breath.
David definitely heard that. “Everything okay over there?”
“Yes.” THUMP. “No.”
There was a suspicious silence.
Then David sighed in the long suffering way of someone who had raised Shane Hollander for twenty seven years. “Did you two get an animal?”
“No.” Ilya said immediately but Shane stared directly into Ilya’s soul and thumped harder. “Maybe.”
“Ilya.”
“It is complicated.”
“Where is Shane?”
Immediately the rabbit launched upright in Ilya’s lap like he had personally been summoned. “I am going to kill him,” Ilya muttered fondly.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
Shane shoved both front paws against the phone. “Baby, no.”
David laughed suddenly. Actually laughed. “Why does it sound like Shane’s arguing with me through the phone?”
Ilya looked down slowly. “Oh my God,” he whispered. “You recognize his personality through thumping.”
Shane looked smug now somehow, which was deeply upsetting considering he was six pounds of fur.
David still sounded amused. “Is he stressed about something?”
At that, Shane’s ears flicked back immediately. Because of course he was. Even transformed into a rabbit by apparently supernatural forces, Shane Hollander was still worried about responsibility.
Ilya sighed and leaned back into the couch cushions. “Your son,” he said carefully, “is physically incapable of relaxing.”
The bunny stopped moving. David hummed knowingly. “Yeah, that tracks.”
Shane looked personally betrayed.
“I think,” Ilya continued while scratching absentmindedly behind one soft ear, “even if the world literally forces him to become an animal, he would still worry about emails.”
David laughed again. “Sounds about right.”
Shane shoved his nose against the phone speaker. “Baby, he cannot understand you.” Ilya said to him.
The rabbit narrowed his eyes. Then, horrifyingly, he grabbed the edge of Ilya’s shirt with his tiny teeth and yanked. “Ow! Okay, Иисус Jesus .”
David was openly laughing now. “Ilya, what is happening?”
“Nothing.”
“It really doesn’t sound like nothing.”
Ilya looked down at Shane, who was now standing on his chest like an outraged bunny dictator. “Your son is emotionally confronting me.”
“That sounds like him alright.”
Shane thumped directly against Ilya’s ribs. “Okay, okay,” Ilya said. “You are very responsible. Everyone knows.”
The bunny settled slightly. David sighed fondly through the phone. “Tell him I said he’s allowed to take one day off without the world ending.”
Shane actually went still at that, just for a second. Ilya felt something ache softly in his chest because there it was again.
That thing Shane carried around constantly. That pressure, that belief that if he stopped managing everything for even a moment, everything would collapse around him.
Even at the cottage, their favorite place, the place they got to relax and be themselves. Shane still needed to be in control of everything happening.
Even as a rabbit, apparently.
“I will tell him,” Ilya said quietly. David must have heard something in his tone because his voice softened too. “Good luck with... whatever’s happening over there.”
“Thank you.”
“And Ilya?”
“Yes?”
“If there actually is an animal involved somehow, don’t let Shane overthink himself into a cardiac event.”
Ilya looked down at the bunny currently pretending not to listen. “Too late.”
The call ended and silence settled over the cottage again.
Shane remained sitting on Ilya’s chest for a moment, tense and stubborn and still vaguely offended. Then Ilya gently scooped him back into his arms. “See?” he murmured softly, stroking one thumb between his ears. “Even as bunny you cannot relax, Your dad agrees.”
Shane looked away immediately. And there it was again, that look. Not anger this time, or embarrassment, but something smaller, something sadder.
Ilya’s expression softened instantly. “Hey,” he whispered. One ear flicked.
“You are allowed to stop performing all the time.” Shane stayed very still.
“You know that, yes?” The bunny did not look at him.
Ilya held him a little closer automatically. “The people who love you are not grading you.”
Slowly, Shane looked back at him.
“You do not have to earn one day of rest.” Ilya scratched gently behind his ear again. “Or one day of being taken care of.”
For a long moment, the bunny simply stared at him with those impossibly familiar dark eyes.
Then eventually, quietly, Shane climbed back against his chest and tucked himself beneath Ilya’s chin.
Trusting him to hold the weight for once.
Ilya closed his eyes briefly and kissed the top of his tiny head. “Good bunny,” he murmured.
Shane huffed a tiny little breath in disagreement, Ilya laughed softly. “Sorry. Good boyfriend.”
— ✦ —
By the evening, Ilya had become completely insane about the bunny. He carried Shane everywhere. “You are coming with me,” he informed while making coffee.
Shane tolerated this with visible resignation.
“You smell nice,” Ilya said, burying his face briefly in fur.
Shane shoved at him with tiny paws.
“No? Too much? Okay.”
He set Shane on the counter while he cooked lunch. The bunny immediately tried to eat parsley. “See? Domestic bliss.”
Shane flicked water at him from the sink.
“Rude.”
At one point Ilya caught himself saying, “Look at little feet,” aloud to an empty kitchen.
This was probably rock bottom. Still, beneath all the ridiculousness, something tender kept unfolding between them.
Shane had always struggled with needing things. Comfort, reassurance, care.
As a bunny, he had no choice.
He had to let Ilya hold him when he got frightened by loud noises. Had to trust him completely when Ilya carried him outside onto the porch. Had to depend on him.
And Ilya loved it. Not because Shane was helpless but because Shane finally stopped pretending not to be.
They sat together wrapped in a blanket on a hammock near the lake while evening settled gold across the water. Shane rested in Ilya's lap half asleep.
“You know what your problem is?” Ilya said softly.
The bunny barely opened one eye.
“You think love must always be earned.”
Tiny nose twitch.
“But sometimes people just love you because you exist.”
Shane stared at him, not even blinking.
“I know, horrifying concept.”
Then slowly, Shane climbed higher onto his chest until he could press against Ilya’s heartbeat. Ilya’s throat tightened unexpectedly. Very carefully, he curled both arms around him.
“You are safe with me,” he said quietly into the evening air.
Shane stayed there letting himself drift to sleep.
— ✦ —
That night felt quieter than the rest of the day had.
Maybe because the adrenaline had finally worn off. Maybe because the sunset had softened everything gold and slow around the cottage. Or maybe because Shane had stopped fighting the fact that Ilya was going to hold him constantly.
They had brushed their teeth together in the bathroom mirror, which mostly involved Ilya brushing his own teeth while bunny Shane sat on the counter glaring at him judgmentally.
“You are very bossy for someone six inches tall,” Ilya informed him.
Shane thumped once against the marble countertop.
Then eventually they ended up in bed. The windows were cracked open just enough for cool air to drift through the room. Somewhere outside, lake water moved softly against the shore. Crickets buzzed lazily in the dark.
Ilya lay on his back beneath the blankets with bunny Shane tucked against the center of his chest.
He stroked absentmindedly through soft fur while sleep slowly pulled at him. Shane had stopped pretending not to like it hours ago. Every time Ilya scratched gently between his ears, the bunny melted a little more against him.
“You know,” Ilya murmured sleepily into the dark, “This is unfair.”
One ear twitched.
“You are already impossible to resist normally.” His fingers moved slowly along Shane’s back. “Now you are tiny and soft also.”
Shane shoved weakly at his hand with one paw and Ilya smiled against the darkness.
For a while neither of them moved. The cottage creaked softly around them settling for the night and Ilya could feel Shane breathing against his ribs.
Then quietly, half asleep already, Ilya said, “When I first left Boston," he paused to collect his thoughts, " I thought maybe love stops eventually.”
The bunny went still.
Ilya stared up at the ceiling, blinking slowly. “I thought maybe distance would kill it.” His voice had gone soft and rough around the edges with exhaustion. “Or time.”
Shane lifted his head slightly.
“But it never stopped,” Ilya swallowed once before continuing, “Even when things were ugly.” His hand tightened slightly in fur.
The words hung there quietly between them.
Because there had been ugly parts, the trade, the panic attacks neither of them knew how to talk about properly at first.
The bitterness, the fear, the ache of loving someone so much while simultaneously feeling like you were ruining each other.
Ilya looked down finally and Shane was watching him very carefully. “You stayed anyway,” Ilya whispered.
The bunny’s nose twitched once.
“You kept calling me.” A tired little laugh escaped him. “Even when I was asshole.”
That got him an offended look.
“Yes, okay, still am asshole.” Ilya rubbed gently behind one bent ear. “But you know what I mean.”
Shane slowly climbed a little higher against his chest and Ilya’s throat tightened unexpectedly. “When I was younger,” he admitted softly, “I thought love was something you could lose by becoming difficult.”
Shane pressed closer. “But you never left.”
Even when they had been furious with each other. Even when they had broken each other’s hearts a little. Shane had always loved him through it. Steady and stubborn and terrified and devoted all at once.
“So I stay too,” Ilya whispered into the darkness.
The room stayed quiet except for the crickets outside. Then slowly, carefully, bunny Shane tucked himself directly beneath Ilya’s chin, as close as physically possible.
Ilya closed his eyes immediately. “Oh,” he whispered, voice breaking a little around the edges.
Very carefully, he wrapped both arms around him beneath the blankets. The tiny heartbeat against his chest fluttered steadily now instead of frightened. “I’ve got you,” Ilya murmured sleepily.
Shane pressed closer.
“Do not worry,” Ilya murmured sleepily, stroking between his ears. “Tomorrow you will probably become boring human again.” Ilya pressed his face to the bunny's head, “and I will still love you exactly the same amount.”
For once, Shane did not argue.
And sometime later, with soft fur tangled beneath his fingers and the lake breathing quietly outside the windows, they both fell asleep like that.
— ✦ —
Ilya woke up to an elbow in his ribs.
He groaned. “Shane, your-”
Wait.
Elbow, human elbow.
His eyes snapped open immediately.
Shane was lying beside him, blinking blearily in the pale morning light. Hair sticking up everywhere, one cheek creased from the pillow.
Human, human Shane.
Ilya stared and Shane stared back.
Then Shane’s expression shifted all at once. His eyes widened and he looked down at himself frantically, hands immediately checking his arms, chest, stomach.
“Oh my God,” Shane whispered.
Ilya burst out laughing, actual helpless laughter. Shane turned toward him instantly, horrified. “Do not laugh.”
“You remember?” Ilya asked between laughs.
“Yes,” Shane answered immediately, voice muffled by one hand over his face. “Unfortunately.”
That only made Ilya laugh harder.
“I cannot believe this happened,” Shane groaned.
“I can,” Ilya said honestly. Shane peeked through his fingers with suspicion. Ilya reached for his hand automatically, thumb brushing over his knuckles. “You were very cute.”
“No.”
“You liked ear scratches.”
Shane’s entire face disappeared behind both hands. “Oh my God.”
“You climbed into my lap willingly.”
“No I didn’t.”
“You absolutely did.”
“I was under magical influence.”
“You slept on my chest.”
“Shut up.”
Ilya laughed softly and rolled closer, pressing slow kisses against Shane’s shoulder, jaw, neck. “You are still cute now,” he informed him.
Shane huffed. “I was a bunny.”
“ мой кролик, my bunny ” Ilya corrected quietly.
Shane lowered his hands eventually and looked at him properly then. Openly. Vulnerably in the way only Ilya ever got to see.
“You really still loved me,” Shane said. Not teasing or joking.
Ilya’s smile faded immediately. “Obviously.”
Shane watched him for a long moment. “You meant all that stuff?” he asked softer now. “Yesterday.”
The porch, the couch, I love you because you’re you, every part of it.
Ilya did not hesitate. “Every word.”
Something shifted behind Shane’s eyes. Something small, almost invisible. The old uncertainty easing just a little. “Okay.” He said.
Ilya kissed him before he could overthink it.
Slow, warm and familiar. A human mouth instead of soft fur. Messy hair and morning breath and all the things Ilya loved so much it frightened him sometimes.
When they pulled apart, Shane rested his forehead against his. “You carried me around?” Shane asked eventually.
“All day.”
“Oh my God.”
“You followed me everywhere.”
“I did not.”
“You sat outside the shower waiting.” Ilya said as Shane froze. “You were clingy.”
“Ilya.”
“You were very attached.”
“That is humiliating.”
Ilya smiled against his cheek. “I liked it.”
Shane groaned and shoved weakly at his shoulder.
“You were baby.”
“I hate you.”
“No you do not.”
Then Shane smiled despite himself. “No,” he admitted. “I really don’t.”
Quiet settled between them. The kind they only had here at the cottage. Then Ilya sighed dramatically. “Honestly, I am glad you are not bunny anymore.”
Shane raised an eyebrow immediately. “Oh really?”
“I love you and always will,” Ilya said seriously, fingers tracing absent circles over Shane’s wrist, “but I could not actually date tiny woodland creature forever.”
Shane snorted.
“Good to know your devotion has limits.”
“Do not start. I was excellent bunny boyfriend.”
“You put me on the kitchen counter.”
“You liked the counter.”
“I was a bunny.”
“You are very judgmental for someone who needed carrying.”
Shane covered his face again instantly. “No.”
“Yes. My little Shane bunny.”
“Stop.”
“Shanebunny.”
“Ilya.”
“Bunnyboy.”
Shane made an offended noise deep in his throat and shoved him harder this time. Then suddenly Ilya sat upright, his eyes widening. Actual horror crossing his face. “No.” He said.
Shane blinked. “What?”
Ilya grabbed both sides of his head dramatically. “NO.”
“What?!”
“I DID NOT TAKE PICTURE.”
Silence fell and Shane just stared at Ilya.
“I am stupid,” Ilya whispered, devastated. “Cute bunny freckles, tiny ears, angry face.” His expression became genuinely mournful. “I have nothing to remember.”
Shane looked at him for a second. Then burst into helpless laughter, real laughter, head tipped back. The sound was warm and bright and Ilya stopped immediately.
Because, that was his favourite thing.
“You’re an idiot,” Shane said eventually. “My idiot.”
Ilya’s chest hurt instantly. “You are мой кролик, my bunny ” he murmured, " я тебя люблю. I love you "
Shane rolled his eyes. “ я тоже тебя люблю I love you too .”
Ilya narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. Shane noticed immediately. “No.” Shane said immediately.
“I did not say anything.”
“No.”
“What if.”
“No.”
“A dog.”
Shane stared. “Ilya.”
“We have space.”
“No.”
“I have love.”
“You have impulse control issues.”
“A small dog.”
“No.”
“If I wake up as dog tomorrow?”
Shane sighed immediately. “Then I’ll carry you around.”
Ilya went very still. “Really?”
Shane looked away first. “Yeah because apparently,” he muttered, softer now, “That’s what you do when you love someone.”
Ilya kissed him before he could regret saying it.
"A bunny maybe?”
Shane blinked slowly. Then buried his face in the pillow with a groan absolutely defeated. Ilya grinned and wrapped both arms around him immediately.
Outside, the lake moved softly against the shore. Inside, Shane complained while leaning closer anyway. And Ilya thought, not for the first time-
There had never been a version of Shane he would not love.
Human.
Bunny.
Anxious.
Certain.
All of them.
Always.
