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rue wasn’t surprised that jules had gotten upset with her and caused an argument at prom. in fact, it would be cruel but true to say she was relieved.
the auditorium was bursting with life inside, rue could hear it clear as day from where she sat outside. the layers of her suit keeping her just warm enough to enjoy her cigarette without the chill disturbing her too much. she rubbed her left eye tiredly, staring at the trail of glitter left on her thumb. the iridescence under her eyes had been jules’ idea. she’d said it would make her look beautiful. the imitation of glittery tears felt all too ironic now.
the heavy door creaked open, “oh— shit, rue?”
her head shot up, stray curls falling into her eyes. “maddy?” she brushed the hair back into place, intimidatingly dark eyes stared into hers. maddy stood somewhat tentatively by the door, rue signalled for her to take a seat on the stone steps with her. she looked away to take another drag and the clicking sound of heels told her that when she’d exhale and turn her head those dark eyes and pursed, red glossy lips would be in front of her.
“are you okay?“ she’d decided on asking. easy, light. maddy shuffled her knees under her long satin dress. “yeah, just— another fight, as always.” maddy’s voice drawled, it lacked the usual upset or frustration rue had grown to pick up on when she said that. this time it only carried defeat.
she extended her cigarette, half burnt by now. “tell me about it,” she huffed, maddy grinned and took a short draw before handing it back.
this had become somewhat of a routine for them. in the dead of night, or when a party reached its perfect climax to allow anyone and anything to slip under the radar, they’d slip out from under the guise of everyone else and find each other.
rue looked down between her trousered legs to crush the cigarette on to the cold steps before casting a glance over to maddy. her sleek black hair was pinned back, offering a clear view of her smooth, shiny with body glimmer, skin. the open column of her neck flexed as she looked out to the far away stars.
she rest her head in her palm as she stared, the sight gave her déjà vu. sending her memories back to the artificial cherry smell of maddy’s car and the stretch of her upper-body as she grabbed two drinks from a drive thru window.
maddy had smiled at her, extending a cup of diet coke over to her before pulling over to the empty car park. rue caught a glimpse of herself in the rear view mirror, wincing at the puffiness of her eyes and shimmer on her nose.
that was when it started getting really bad with jules, when the blonde realised doing molly with an addict wasn’t as fun as she thought it would be; dealing with rue’s twitching, scratching her arms when the high became a never ending feeling of despair. when rue didn’t want to kiss her and couldn’t choke out how she was feeling. and jules, rightfully, couldn’t handle it. she’d left rue outside a gas station after the argument, pedalling away with all her might with a tearful glance back that rue purposefully ignored.
and rue thought that was it: she’d get lifted by police, taken back to rehab, stomach the disappointment and silent tears of her mom and sister again. but glory in the name of car headlights pulled her from her thoughts impending doom and—
“rue? is that you?” maddy’s head tilted out the car window, brows furrowed as she took in rue’s disgruntled state.
she sniffed, standing up awkwardly. “y—yeah, hey,” she waved stiffly, clutching her trousers to stabilise herself.
“d’you want a ride? it’s late.” her tone implied it wasn’t a question, a subtle head twitch provoked rue to stumble over to the car, sliding in carefully and taking staggered breaths. she tried to ignore the awful feeling that grew in her chest under maddy’s hard gaze, the other girl was evidently taking in her disheveled appearance.
without another word, maddy pulled off, driving steadily towards the mcdonalds just around the corner. rue glanced over at her in silent curiosity, “i’m thirsty,” maddy murmured. part of her knew that maybe was true, but it would also give rue a chance to compose herself before going back home.
“you don’t need to tell me what happened, but will you be okay to go home?” maddy had asked her in the carpark. her fingers dug into the styrofoam, mindful to not accidentally spill all over the leather seat or the console.
rue nodded slowly, “yeah, yeah. thank you, though,” she took a sip, tried to ignore how maddy’s composed concern pulled at something inside of her. the worst of the comedown was over, leaving behind a revelation she couldn’t stomach acknowledging yet.
and when maddy dropped her off, a curt smile was shared on their faces. she moved to push the door open when maddy’s hand grabbed her own, pulling her back to look her dead in the eye. “you’re not alone, rue. ‘kay?” her lips moved slowly, determined, before pressing against to rue’s forehead briefly and letting go. the sticky, carbonated remnants of her diet coke felt like bile in her mouth.
rue nodded jerkily, with a shaky exhale and getting out the car as calmly as possible. she attempted a wave goodbye before opening the front door and collapsing on her bed.
she’d been grateful her mom was out for the night, and gia wouldn’t bother her. but looking at maddy now, she remembered how similar shivers went up her spine. the black haired girl turned around to look at her, a sly smile growing on her lips. “d’you want to share the bottle of wine i stole from inside?”
rue huffed out a laugh. “sure, how’d you do that, then?”
maddy inched closer, revealing the cork-free bottle and taking a sip before handing the bottle over. “i have my ways,” she murmured, and rue passed the chill on her skin to be from the cool night air.
“wait, can you have this? is that okay?”
“if you think a bottle of wine is going to constitute to me relapsing, i’ll have the grounds to believe your idea of me is awfully skewed and i’m gonna be upset mads.”
mads, she shivered. rue grinned at her like a secret had been shared. had it? maddy felt like her insides had become a mess since the night she took the other girl home.
“can you blame me? i’ve got cass crying over mckay and kat avoiding ethan like he gave her fucking herpes. you relapsing is the last thing i need.” she smiled with a peek of her tongue, and rue guffawed out a laugh, choking on the cheap pinot.
rue leaned back slightly, left arm moving to settle behind maddy’s back. not touching, just close— maybe touching just enough that if maddy leaned back she’d feel the fabric of rue’s suit jacket.
it sent a pang in her stomach, thinking back to the last party mckay had before him and cassie became the awkward mess they were currently. it was just after a qualifying game, and nate had been benched for pretty much all of it. coach’s reasoning was to let some of the other players get a chance but maddy, nate, and the rest of the student body knew it was because of his anger issues. case in point: he picked maddy up an hour after he said he would, reeking of beer and promptly pushed her out of the way to stalk off into the party as soon as they arrived.
this game was getting old to maddy, evident in how she didn’t run after him or pull him back. just watched as his broad shoulders pushed past and disappeared into the kitchen. she found cassie soon thereafter and downed a double tequlia soda, washing it down with a shot easily.
it must’ve been an hour or so later when she walked through to the living room and saw rue talking with fezco on the couch. a cloud of smoke escaped her lips just as she caught maddy’s eye. her eyebrows raised, as if to ask why she was still standing there. maddy pursed her lips and walked over.
“maddy, hey,” rue said, patting the free space next to her. fezco stared at her, blue eyes silent and welcoming but watching as rue’s arm didn’t pull away— just remained comfortably behind maddy.
“what’re you doing alone? where’s cassie, or nate?” rue had asked, stressing the click on her tongue when she said nate. maddy avoided eye contact, choosing instead to knock her shoulder against rue’s. “what? can i not hang with you guys?” the tequlia was coursing through her nicely. nate was probably fucking some boring brunette upstairs already.
fezco let out a slow laugh, passing the shared blunt back to rue, “nah, but rue ain’t much better company.”
rue huffed, letting her head roll against the couch with a stupid smile on her lips that maddy ached to feel against her own. “i beg to differ,” she’d murmured, watching as rue swallowed, the arm that had been dormant behind her back raising to curl carefully on her hip. maddy leaned into it, noticed the small freckle just above her cupids bow and looked away.
she caught lexi’s gaze across the room and signalled for her to come over. the steadily growing thing between her and fezco was undeniable to any of them. she felt a pleased smile grow on her glossy lips, subconsciously feeling the weight of rue watching her too. maddy didn’t know why she breathed out a sigh of relief when she felt rue look away.
lexi started talking about the play she was producing, alabama or oklahoma or something— maddy tried to be engaging, genuinely, but it was hard when rue begun to drag circles on her hipbone and grow to light touches along the curve of her waist and dip in her spine.
rue exhaled deeply beside her, and she glanced over to see deep brown eyes already looking at her. she raised an eyebrow, “thank you for, uh, the other night,” rue murmured so only they could hear. the other night which had been, about, a few other nights ago, depending on how long ago one determined four weeks was. but maddy just smiled, tilting her head which had become heavy with the tequlia still bitter on her tongue. “don’t mention it,” she’d said, but neither of them knew exactly how she meant that.
even now, when watching rue straighten the collar of her shirt and how the moonlight accentuated the curve of her jaw she wasn’t sure. rue turned to face her, hand outstretched with the slowly emptying bottle of wine and if maddy let her nails drag against rue’s knuckles and ringed fingers it was for her own satisfaction.
the bottle was now lukewarm in her hold, maddy became distracted by a small speck of glitter that had transferred from under her eyes to the bridge of her nose. “you’ve got something,” she muttered, moving closer to squint and try get rid of the glitter. she watched as rue’s eyelashes fluttered, allowing maddy to hold onto her forearm with her right hand and clear the speck of glitter with her left. she lowered her index finger to inspect the tiny iridescent piece of plaster, rue followed suit.
with a stupid grin on her face, rue leaned closer, “make a wish,” she whispered. maddy stifled a laugh, fluttering her eyelashes shut to feign concentration. she thought about what she could wish for: money, health, for her and nate to be better, or— her lips formed a careful ‘o’ and she blew out a breath, opening her eyes to see the glitter gone from her index finger. she rolled her eyes fondly, looking over to see rue staring at her almost transfixed, lost in thought and not yet realising maddy was staring back.
“don’t you wanna know what i wished for?”
rue’s eyes snapped up to hers, she cleared her throat to take another gulp of wine. “doesn’t that prevent the wish from coming true?”
“maybe it would come true, though,” maddy watched as rue wiped her bitten lips with her suit sleeve. for a fleeting moment she thought rue looked down at her own red lips, before the latter said, “maybe it will,”
part of her felt jinxed. they had been outside for a while now, undoubtedly someone would be looking for them, either of them. the music and party was still going strong inside, maddy fidgeted with her opal ring for a moment before speaking, “why didn’t you kiss me at mckays party?”
a gust of wind seeped into their bones, rue looked almost comically frozen in place. her shoulders relaxed, then her creased brow and her jaw tilted, “i don’t know,” is all she said.
but rue did know, even if she didn’t know why or how to tell maddy, she knew she irrevocably regretted not kissing her. despite this, rue couldn’t shake the feeling of being brushed off by maddy the following week. she remembered so clearly watching maddy slink down the corridor with nate’s larger hand swallowing her own and lifting a hand to wave, only for maddy to tear her gaze away and walk past without any further thought. the lingering scent of maddy’s perfume still fucked with her head, even though it didn’t have any right to.
“i was scared,” she swallowed, was she drunk? “i think,”
“are you scared now?” maddy was wearing a different perfume, muskier and pomegranate that blended with her own cologne nicely.
rue looked at her, gone was the hooded, enticing glint in her dark eyes and instead remained an uncharacteristically eager twinkle. she sat up slightly, maddy watched her, “no,” she felt herself move with purpose— hand cupping maddy’s jaw with ease and silencing the gasp ready to slip from her red lips with her own.
it felt so cliche, and would make her grimace to say aloud, but kissing maddy felt better than when she took her first hit of ecstasy. the feeling of her lips on her own sent a shiver down her spine, with a groan swallowed when maddy’s manicured nails latched onto her hair and pulled.
their lips both tasted of wine, bitter from the pinot taste and eager to open wide, wide, wider. maddy swallowed another gasp when rue pulled her closer by the waist, feeling up the boning of her corset as though if she pressed hard enough it would disappear and leave just the grooves of her ribcage to be felt. kissing nate never felt like this, never felt like she could push back and kiss harder to feel a shuddering breath and hold on her waist tighten like it did with rue.
maddy pulled back slightly to speak, only to have rue’s lips crash back on hers immediately, curling her tongue against maddy’s and rumbling a laugh as maddy let out a sound. she tried again, adjusting her hold to press into the column of her throat and keep rue in place. maddy watched with amusement as irritated ticked in rue’s jaw. the mole on her lip close to looking bitten off with how stained her lips were.
“let me walk you home,”
“okay,”
maddy bit away a laugh as rue helped her stand up, waving off the low remnants of the wine, “we don’t need any more of that,”
their hands were intwined as rue phoned her mom, “yeah, yeah i’ll be like… thirty minutes, maybe?” rue glanced to maddy in a silent confirmation and smiled when the black haired girl nodded. “no, just, um a friend. i’m gonna walk her home,” maddy tried to ignore the rising heat up her throat, not realising the same was accumulating on rue’s hot cheeks. she stood tall on her tip toes to press a kiss on the lowest part of her cheekbone, giggling into her shoulder as rue stammered, “listen, mom, i’m gonna go since it’s getting late. yeah, love you.”
she sighed as she stuffed her phone into her back pocket, replacing it with her crumpled pack of cigarettes, “want one?”
they walked in a comfortable lull of silence, rue swinging their hands with a bashful smile and maddy humming under her breath. they were half way to maddy’s home when rue cleared her throat, “you, uh, you sure you can walk in those?” those, meaning her heels, maddy laughed, “of course i can, do you doubt me?”
“no— no, i just,” rue stammered, ducking her head to rub the back of her neck, maddy listened, “just if you wanted to give your feet a break…”
maddy laughed louder than she had all night, startling the taller girl next to her. she grinned widely, “are you offering to carry me home, ruru?”
a glint in rue’s eye didn’t go unnoticed, she huffed out a laugh, sliding closer to unclasp their hands and snake one around her waist like she had before, “and will you say no?”
maddy shook her head, opening her mouth to speak before a surprised yelp escaped. rue ducked down to lift her from behind her knees and hold tight around her waist. maddy adjusted by holding onto her neck tightly, “are you crazy?” she hissed.
rue couldn’t hold the smile on her face if she tried, “what makes you say that?” she resumed walking, bouncing maddy in her hold slightly to get a better weight distribution and trying (more: failing) to hold her laughter as maddy flinched.
“you’re the worst,” she grumbled as she hid her face in the warmth of rue’s neck. she glanced up to subtly watch her, to admire the calm swirl in her dark eyes and twitch in her forehead when she was deep in thought. “only for you,” rue murmured, feeling her heart thrum as a kiss was pressed to the curve of her jaw.
the next turn of the corner would reveal the street maddy lived and grew up on, basked under the warm light of the yellow street lamps and strangely sentimental scent of spring. all that could be heard was rue’s slow steps inching closer to the house on the corner with the black door and chipped paint where the lock became worn with use. rue helped her down carefully, holding her fingertips so she wouldn’t stumble on the rocky pavement.
“so,”
maddy glanced at her home, the glow of the tv told her that her father hadn’t made it to bed tonight, if she slipped in through the back door she’d go unnoticed. she looked back to rue.
“so,” she parroted.
rue stared down at her, an amalgamated mess of words and feelings evident in her eyes and flexed jaw. “will i see you tomorrow?”
tomorrow. which meant nothing, considering that it was two am on a thursday and they had school in roughly six hours. they’d obviously see each other tomorrow, maddy held onto her fingers tighter.
“of course, you?”
the shaky exhale rue let out didn’t go unnoticed, even if she hoped it had. she thought about jules, wondered what she’d think about seeing rue smile at maddy with a terrible fondness she never posssesed.
“yeah, yeah you will.”
they smiled at each other, a little stupidly with their lips stretched wider and eyes scrunched more than most people would having such a simple exchange of words.
“why don’t we have breakfast, tomorrow morning— before?” maddy asked, in an almost hushed whisper that rue would’ve misheard if it had been anyone else.
“yeah, i’d like that.”
maddy looked up at her through her eyelashes, “well then,” she moved to press a kiss to rue’s cheekbone but was met with the soft, now familiar press back of the other’s lips. they kissed slow, languid, she heard rue’s jaw click with motion and couldn’t help but giggle until the kiss became a messy clatter of teeth and wishful thinking.
“goodnight rue,” she whispered, fluttering her lashes. she imagined the mess of lipstick on rue’s lips were mirrored in the glitter she’d struggle to clean off of her face but secretly hope stayed, just as a reminder.
rue lifted her hand to press a kiss to her knuckles, “goodnight maddy,”
in the morning they’d get breakfast. maddy would maybe get a hashbrown with her pancake and rue wanted her toast as burnt as possible. the coffee wasn’t as good as the place down the street but with their legs tangled under the booth it would be hard to complain. they wouldn’t walk into school hand in hand; but when rue would leave maddy at her locker with cassie and kat, not leaving with a kiss goodbye but the subtle press of her thumb on the skin between maddy’s thumb and index finger it would be enough. for them.