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“Are we dating?”
“What?” Dick inhales his coffee, nearly dropping the cup into his lap. He gropes for a napkin before any of the waitresses can intervene. “I…what?”
“Are. We. Dating?” Damian repeats, carefully enunciating each word. “It isn’t a difficult question, Grayson.”
“I know, but I just…why are you asking?” Dick tries, carefully depositing his coffee back on the table.
“We display all the behaviors of a dating couple. We go for coffee,” Damian explains, holding his own beverage up. “We attend dinner parties and social events together. You enjoy taking me to ridiculous outings – like the zoo. And the ice skating rink.”
“Okay, okay!” Dick interrupts. “But why are you asking?”
“Well.” Damian scowls and shrugs. “Father’s dates end with physical intimacy. You have never attempted to initiate anything – not even a kiss – so I was confused. Hence, are we or are we not dating?”
“…do you want to be dating?”
“Yes,” Damian admits softly, fingers tapping on the outside of his mug. Dick blinks, watches the blush creep along Damian’s neck. “Stop smirking, Grayson.”
“I didn’t think I was smirking!” Dick defends, reaching across the table to close his hands around Damian’s. “I guess it’s a yes, then. We’re dating.”
“Good,” Damian says simply. “Release me, Grayson. I need to finish this so we can go back to the manor.”
“Why?” Dick asks, letting Damian go and risking another sip of his coffee
“Physical intimacy.” Dick coughs and curses, shoving the drink away from him. “Surely you don’t need me to explain…?”
“No, no!” Dick yelps. “I know what…why are we…”
“If we assume that our courtship began once I turned sixteen,” Damian begins, fixing his eyes on Dick’s, “then we’ve had well over the requisite number of dates we’re supposed to have before engaging in intercourse.”
“…where are you getting this stuff from?” Dick groans, dropping his forehead to the table.
“Brown. For an airhead with no tits, she is surprisingly well informed on dating etiquette.”
“I see.” Dick watches as Damian sedately takes another sip of coffee. “And she knows about this?” Damian’s eyebrows arch up.
“Grayson,” he says slowly. “Do you not want to have sex with me? I am willing to indulge this, at least in the short term. Although, I know you find me physically attractive and that you enjoy my company, so I would like to know what the problem is.”
“God, Dami, stop!” Dick laughs, shaking his head. “That’s not it at all. Just…give a guy some warning.”
“Fine!” Damian hisses. “You get a week. I’ll get permission to miss patrol and stay at your place.”
“Permission to miss…you’re telling Bruce?”
“Unless you want to?”
“I don’t,” Dick sighs. “But I will. He won’t like it.” Damian just stares and Dick shakes his head. “Fine. You want me to cook, too?”
“Yes.” Damian stands, waiting for Dick to drop money onto the table before heading for the door. “Something nice, Grayson. No doubt I’ll be nervous, so food will help.”
“Nervous?” Dick asks, looping an arm around Damian’s waist as they step onto the street.
“Tt.” Damian leans into him after a few awkward steps. “Of course. I haven’t done this before.”
“You…what?” Dick yelps. “Damian! What else are you going to drop on me today?”
“…I’m coming to live with you.” Dick freezes and Damian nearly overbalances, swearing and grabbing for Dick’s arm to steady himself. “Grayson!” he snarls.
“I-I…you?”
“Grayson.” Damian grabs him by the shirt, tugging until their eyes are level. “It’s a fucking joke, Grayson.” He leans in and kisses him quickly, soft and surprisingly gentle. “You’re an idiot.” Dick flashes a weak grin and Damian grunts, shoving him away. “A ridiculous idiot.”
“Who you’re dating?” Dick tries, grin solidifying. Damian tosses a glare over his shoulder. “Your words.”
“Fine,” Damian admits, waiting until Dick draws level with him. “So we’re both idiots.” Carefully, he curls his hand into Dick’s. “Grayson?”
“Yeah?”
“I want mint flavored condoms.”
“Ha ha, hilarious,” Dick mutters.
“Grayson.” Damian repeats clearly. “Not joking.”