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Morgan’s lungs are heaving as she runs through the Los Angeles International Airport. Her heels are clacking over the floor as she rushes through the crowds of people waiting to board their flight. She has five minutes before gate 34A closes and Karadec will be off to Washington D.C. without ever knowing that she loves him.
Up until an hour or so, she was fine with him not knowing. Feelings, Morgan had to learn, complicate things. Especially with her. She knows that she is not easy to love, easy to be with. She is loud, stubborn and hates it, when people think they can tell her what to do. And that complicates things, because a lot of people don’t know how to handle her (Karadec does though, of course he does).
She didn’t want to lose him to some feelings that she has kept bottled up for years. They are good as friends, great even and Morgan would have rather jumped off a cliff than ruin that. But as she said her last goodbye, she realized that she would lose him regardless. Whether they are friends or more.
So, when the realisation hit, she asked Soto for her car, because it has a siren and without it, Morgan would have never gotten through the insane traffic in LA in time.
Her eyes flick around the hall rapidly, trying to find a sign which points her to Terminal 3. It bugs her that in all her hyper-obsessions she never once looked at blueprints of LAX. If she did, she would know her way around. Finally, she sees a sign in the far corner, pointing her towards her desired Terminal. Her feet move fast on their own accord, picking up the pace.
Four minutes before the gate closes.
They had a fight before he left. Of course, they did. Because Morgan doesn’t know how to handle him leaving her behind, doesn’t know how to live in a world where he isn’t close by. And so she lashed out. Said things she didn’t mean, because the only way she knows how to cope is by pushing the people she loves the most away.
She told him how easy it would be to return to a world without him, how she isn’t sure they are able to hold contact. She saw the hurt in his eyes, the protest on his tongue. She wanted him to say something, to tell her she is wrong. Instead, he just nodded once, pressed his lips into a small line and turned away without a word, leaving her standing in the middle of the bullpen.
She can still hear the silence he left behind, the dull ache of his absence in her stomach. No last “Goodbye, Morgan”. No last hug. Just an empty bullpen with Morgan in the middle of it, the sour aftertaste of her words on her tongue.
Three minutes left.
Something had shifted between them in the last year. Morgan wasn’t entirely sure what it was, but between shared coffee breaks and even more stolen glances than before, she felt their dynamic settle into something new. Something steady. Karadec smiled more at her, a secret smile that only belonged to her, which made her heart jump every time she was able to evoke one.
But then she had to share that smile with Gloria, a brunette from the Major Theft Division. Gloria is everything Morgan is not. Structured, with Excel-sheets for everything and a life so well put together that Morgan feels like she can never compete. She could never offer Karadec a life this settled.
All hopes that maybe her feelings were not one-sided crashed the moment Karadec went on a date with her. And then the next one and the next one. And before she knew it, he decided to move with Gloria to Washington D.C.
All while still looking at her like he wants to worship her. All while nothing changed between them. His hand still lingered longer on her back than it needed to. His smile never changed. He still went with her to the place around the corner for their coffee and cookie break. He still paid. He still made a comment whenever he liked especially an outfit of hers.
Morgan doesn’t think that he looks at her like he would look at a friend. Friends don’t look at friends like that (Ava would play Tate McRae right about now). His face is softer, more open, more honest.
Two minutes left.
It’s not a new revelation that she loves him. She has known for quite some time, her first feelings dating back years, back to when Karadec was still with Lucia. Back then, she pushed them aside, labelled the jealousy as fear that he would not want her as his friend anymore. Looking back, she should have known.
She only realised it a year later, over a cup of tea in his apartment, while they were working a case. Their eyes caught and Morgan remembers that he smiled at her. His beautiful, gorgeous smile and her only thought was how much she wanted to kiss that stupid smile off his face. Since then, loving him has become a part of her. A low thrumming in her belly, a constant knowledge in her mind. Sometimes it is hard to imagine a life in which she doesn’t love him. Now it is hard to imagine one where he lives a life with someone else.
One minute left.
She finally sees the gate and picks up her pace one last time, as she hurries over.
“Wait, wait, hold up!” She calls out, trying to gesture to the lady at the desk to not close before she gets there.
“Sorry, sorry, LAPD, I need to get through. Thank you, thank you,” she says, as she pushes through the last people boarding the plane. A few look at her weirdly, others just move aside. At the mention of LAPD a few whispers rise, but Morgan ignores them.
“Hi,” Morgan says to the lady at the desk, her voice barely a breather, now that she isn’t running anymore. She puts both her hands on the counter, letting her head hang for a second and takes a deep breath. That run was exhausting.
“Hey, how can I help you?” she smiles politely, like she has asked this exact question a hundred times today. Which she probably has. Morgan looks up again.
“LAPD, I really need to get on that plane,” Morgan says, her voice urging. The adrenaline spikes back up again, knowing that Karadec is just a few yards away from her.
“Is there anything wrong?” The brows of the lady – her name tag says Janet – furrow slightly in concern.
“No, no,” Morgan moves her hand around, “just a small routine check up, nothing too bad. I just really need to get on now.” Her leg whips up and down and she can’t stand still. Her whole body feels electrocuted. Somewhere, far off in her mind, a voice tells her that this doesn’t look trustworthy at all. She can’t afford to listen to it.
“I need to see some ID, please,” Janet says in her most polite voice. Easy peasy, Morgan always carries hers with her. Putting her purse on the counter, she rummages through her belongings. She finds a lot of lipsticks, deodorant, the receipt from her latest trip to the grocery store, a picture Chloe has drawn and a lot of junk, but her ID is nowhere to be found.
“Shit, shit, shit,” she says, looking through it again. Her movements become hectic, panic settling in her chest. Behind her the last person’s boards the plane and she feels the time – and Karadec – slipping away from her.
“It has to be somewhere here, I swear I put it in here when I left the precinct,” she says mostly to herself, but also to Janet. The latter just shrugs.
“If you don’t have an ID, I can’t let you through. I am sorry.” Morgan’s head shots up, looking at Janet with big eyes.
“No, no, I really need to get on that plane, it is an emergency,” Morgan says, the panic in her chest intensifying. She can’t let Karadec go without telling him how she feels. She can't live with herself.
“I can’t help you without seeing an ID first.”
“Listen, Janet,” Morgan says her whole body shifting into fight modus. She never was one to listen to rules or to authority. “I don’t care. You can call the LAPD and ask for Morgan Gillory. But I need you to let me on this plane right now, because there is a person on there that I really need to talk to.”
“I advise calling that person after the plane lands,” Janet says and Morgan wants to scream, because she can’t do that. Then it’s going to be too late, Karadec will have already started his new life. She has to tell him now.
She debates fighting with Janet until she lets her in, but another stewardess starts closing the door behind them and her last way to Karadec gets smaller and smaller.
She doesn’t think. She doesn’t think when she starts sprinting through the closing door, running down the bridge to the plane. Far off she hears Janet screaming after her, calling for security, but Morgan has broken enough rules to know that she has a short window of time, before they get to her.
The run isn’t long and when she gets to the plane, she starts hammering against the window, bowing down to look through the window. A blonde stewardess starts back and Morgan gestures to open up the door. Confused, the stewardess follows her orders.
“Is everything al-“, she tries to ask, as she opens the door, but Morgan doesn’t let her finish.
“LAPD,” she says as she walks in, her heels clicking over the floor. “This is going to be really quick, sorry for the disturbance.” The stewardess looks at her, obviously trying to come up with words, but she is too startled to form any.
Morgan doesn’t wait before walking through the rows, looking for the familiar face of her partner, her colleague, her best friend. Her eyes wander from left to right, scanning every person, until finally her eyes land on his face. She stops dead in her tracks, right in front of seat 12B.
It takes him a second before he looks up, his eyes widening in surprise or shock. Morgan isn’t sure. He opens his mouth once, before closing it again. Then he speaks, his voice slightly husky.
“What are you doing here, Morgan?” His voice is full of hurt, but also real curiosity. He sounds exhausted. Morgan fidgets with her fingers, taking a deep breath.
“I wanted to apologise,” she says, looking right into his eyes.
“You don’t need to say anything you don’t mean, Morgan,” Karadec sighs.
“No, no, I didn’t mean what I said earlier. It wasn’t fair. I was trying to push you away to make this easier, but it only made it harder. Of course, it’s not going to be easy to return to a world without you in it. I don’t even know how work would look like without you. Or who I would spend late take out nights with, talking about all and nothing.”
“I am sure you’ll find someone.”
“No,” she shakes her head violently, her voice desperate because it doesn’t feel like he gets what she is trying to say. “Because the truth is that you have become such a fixture in my life that I don’t know how to live in a world where you are not close by. Because the truth is, Adam, I love you.”
Something in her settles as the words finally spill out of her. For so long these feelings were her secret, pushed away to a far away place. Sharing them now feels like something has loosened in her. Her feelings are set free.
“And I don’t mean that in an ‘I love you platonically, because we are such good friends’ way. I mean it in a ‘I really want to kiss you and hold you and spend my life’ with you kinda way. And I couldn’t let you move D.C. without telling you.” The last words hit with a finality, a silence settling inside the plane. Suddenly, every conversation becomes quiet, everyones attention fixed on them.
There are tears in the corner of Karadec’s eyes. His gaze has never once wavered from her face. As smart as she is, Morgan can’t read him, doesn’t know what he thinks right now. His silence is driving her insane.
“Please say something,” she begs, looking at him with pleading eyes.
He clears his throat. “It’s too late, Morgan.”
Her heart has already shattered the moment she found out that Karadec is moving to D.C. But now, it feels like somebody took all the pieces and shattered them once more.
However, at the same time, she understands. She should have said something earlier, instead of pushing him away. But she was too afraid and now he will settle down with someone else and it is his good right to do so.
“Okay, okay. I get that. I just needed you to know.” She doesn’t sound defeated, but earnest. The most important thing for her is that he knows. That he doesn’t leave without knowing. That she doesn’t wake up one day, regretting letting him go without telling him.
His expression is conflicted, a million emotions passing over it, a different muscle moving every second. He opens his mouth to say something, but he gets interrupted by “Police, hands up!”.
Karadec’s brows furrow, worry taking over his face. Morgan’s hands move up, her eyes never leaving Karadec’s.
“I love you,” she smiles. “That feels really good to say.” A small laugh escape her lips at the words, barely believing herself that she finally said those words.
The two police men crowd her away, pinning her hands behind her back. Usually, she would protest, try to fight her way out of their grasp. But finally saying these words seems to make her mild. She goes willingly with them, even turning around and saying “That man in 12B, I love him!”. Adam is still looking at her, tears in his eyes. They old lady next to him is whispering something to him, but Morgan is too far away to hear.
She goes with the police back through the passenger bridge, passes Janet and attracts the attention of hundreds of people, until they get to the interrogation room. She has to sign a lot of papers, calls Soto and tells her where she can pick up the car and asks if she can bail her out as well. Soto promises to pull some strings and luckily doesn’t ask about Karadec.
Then, they put Morgan in an interrogation room, until she can go. Sitting there, her heart rate finally slows down and she is able to think clearly for the first time in the last hour.
She told Karadec she loves him. The thought makes her feel all tingly. And even though he rejected her, it still makes her happy that she told him.
There are few people, she has loved romantically. Two, if she is honest. Her first love will always be Roman. The exciting thrill of loving deeply for the first time, while still figuring things out and still growing up. The feeling of never wanting to live without a person ever again. And then she had to, because Roman left her and she had no choice but to adjust to a world without him in it. The love for him slowly changed into something that had an aftertaste. She will always love him for giving her Ava, for creating such an amazing human being, but the feeling of being in love with him slowly died over the years, until nothing was left.
And then she met Adam. He was a force she couldn’t calculate. Whatever she did in the beginning, he seemed to disapprove. She really thought he hated her. She made it her mission to change that. And then he saw her like no one else ever did, with all her quirks and her messiness. In rapid time they became so close that a life without him was not imaginable to her. The person Adam is with her feels honest. There is no part of him she doesn’t know. It terrified her, letting someone so close, possibly ruining the precious friendship they have.
Now, she would rather ruin that friendship than spend her life wondering.
Wondering what he would look like in the mornings. Wondering how it must feel like to rest her head on his chest. Wondering about his lips on her body. Wondering how it would feel like to be loved by him.
But it’s too late. She will still keep wondering.
The door creaks quietly as it opens. She notices, because she can’t not notice things. Her gaze travels upwards, seeing a pair of cargo paints, then a white shirt until it stops at Karadec’s face.
Karadec.
Adam.
He is here.
Her heart jumps in her chest at the sight of him. He is breathing calmly, but there is a wild look behind his eyes as if something in him changed. He looks like a man on the brink of making a huge life decision and Morgan wonders if that life decision is her.
Why is he here?
She wonders if he is here because of her grand declaration. He must be, right? He wouldn’t get off the plane just to tell her “it’s too late” again.
“Hi?” she says and it sounds more like a question than an actual greeting.
“Hey,” he says and his face softens into a warm smile. He slides onto the chair opposite of her, his eyes never once wavering from her.
“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in D.C.?” Morgans asks, her brows furrowing. Her heart beats so loudly, she is sure Karadec must hear it.
“No,” he says matter of factly, as if that explains everything. It doesn’t.
“But what about Gloria? Isn’t she waiting there for you? And you paid for that flight! That is a lot of money and-,“ she rambles on, because she was never able to stand silences, instead filling them with unnecessary words, her mouth working faster than her brain.
“Morgan,” Karadec shuts her up, his voice low and husky and he sounds so good that Morgan immediately stops talking.
“Adam,” she challenges him weakly. There is a glint in his eyes that she is sure is mirrored in her own. Her face softens into a smile.
“Did you mean what you said?” he finally asks. It’s not hope that is written all over is face, it is something more sure. He knows how she feels, she assumes to know what he feels. He doesn’t have to hope, because he knows. He knows where this is leading and Morgan wishes he would let her in on that secret.
“What exactly do you mean? Because I said a lot of things.”
“Morgan,” he warns, his eyes locking her down. “This is serious.”
She takes a second to look at him, study him. His eyes are earnest, fixated on her as if he doesn’t want to miss a single beat of her presence.
“Yes,” she says after a beat. “I meant every single word I said.”
“Good,” he says. “Because I also don’t know how to live in a world without you.” His body leans slightly forward while talking.
Her heart stutters, before starting to beat faster than before. She used to dream of this. Karadec and her, a confession between them. Never would she have believed that this dream becomes a reality. That one day they would be on the same page.
Now they are. It is thrilling and scary and amazing and Morgan has a deep feeling that this is right where she is supposed to be. That everything in her life has led her to this moment.
She grins like an idiot. She knows. But she can’t help herself. This is what she wanted for so long. Karadec barely looks any different. His palms are on the table, outstretched towards her, his weight on his elbows. Morgan has never seen him smile this beautifully.
“I guess that makes me pretty lucky,” she tells him, placing her fingers close to his. For the first time his eyes waver from her, looking down at their hands. Slowly, he lifts his right pinkie and graces it along the outside of her hand. She shivers at the contact, a little gasp in the back of her throat. It makes him smile and he looks back up at her again.
“That makes us both pretty lucky,” he says. His hand closes over hers, their fingers tangling together. His hand is warm, his skin rough. Morgan has felt his skin on hers on multiple occasions, but nothing tops this moment where she is finally allowed to savour his touch.
The air shifts and becomes thicker than it already has been. Slowly, Karadec leans over the table. His face comes closer and closer. Morgan’s breath catches in her throat as he puts his fingers under her chin and pulls her closer with it.
Then his lips find hers and Morgan’s brain quietens. There is just him and her. She can only register his lips moving against hers delicately. Finally kissing Karadec feels like holding her breath for years and then suddenly being able to breathe again.
Her hand slides up his cheek, her nails slightly gracing his stubble until it settles in his neck.
The kiss is tender and sweet and Morgan finds that she doesn’t want to stop. Ever. If her life now consists of only kissing Karadec, she is completely fine with that.
In the far corner, she hears banging against the one-way-mirror but she doesn’t care.
Adam is kissing her.
And she is just so damn happy.