Work Text:
Megumi stepped inside his dorm room after wishing Yuji and Nobara good night, and quietly locked the door behind him. He stepped forward and sat on the floor, his back propped against his bed. He stared blankly at the letter in his hand which Dr. Shoko has given him earlier. He folded his knees and sat crossed legs. He opened the envelope the letter was encased in and slowly took out the letter. He came face to face with a doodle.
Gojo-sensei’s face doodle.
‘Sensei has written me another letter?’ Megumi thought with confusion and proceeded to gently unfold the letter and started reading.
Megumi.
If you are reading this letter then it means Shoko has already given you the other letter and I am no longer in this world. The one where I tell you the truth about your father’s absence from your life. I don’t know what emotions you must be reading this with but I hope you are not made at me for keeping this secret from you and Tsumiki for so many years.
Honestly? I am not sorry for killing him. He was neither a good person nor fit to be a good father. He killed a thirteen-year old girl and almost killed me too but I survived because I was able to enable RCT at the last moment. But that’s beside the point.
I am writing this separate letter in case you still wanna associate with me after reading that letter. And if you have read it till here, I’ll take it that you do which I am grateful for.
Megumi. You and Tsumiki were the greatest joys of my life and I was immensely blessed to get to raise such beautiful children under my protection. I am sorry I failed to keep my promise to never leave you and to protect you two always. I am sorry that I was unable to save your sister. I am sorry that she too was taken away from you.
‘What about you idiot? You were taken away from me too.’ Megumi thought wth tears starring to cloud his vision.
But I’ll say one thing Megumi.
It's not your fault.
‘Ofcourse you’d say that. But it is. It is my fault. I wasn’t strong enough to oppose Sukuna. I didn’t do enough.’
By now, Megumi’s eyes were filled with unshed tears. But he sucked in a deep breath, wiped the tears away from his eyes, wiped his nose on his uniform shirt’s sleeve and continued reading.
I /know/ you must be blaming yourself for what happened to Tsumiki and maybe me too. But kid, believe me when I say it was not your fault in anyway. You were possessed by Sukuna who must be dead by now (hah! Take that fucker. I know what my students are capable of *wink wink*).
Megumi chuckled softly at his teacher’s childish antics, with tears in eyes and snot dripping from his nose which he continued wiping with his sleeve. He would occasionally blink the tears away from his eyes to clear his vision.
It was him who dealt the final killing blow at me Megumi not you. You were subdued by him, ridden with grief over your sister’s death. I know grief as a close friend Megumi. I know how it weakens a person as strong as me. You are just a teenager, a kid. I would never blame you for not being strong enough when you saw your sister die in front of you. But you are still here, still alive which means you fought back against the king of Curses and won. I am so proud of you, kiddo. So proud.
The black-haired boy was full on crying now. Fat tears rolling down his cheeks as he continued reading. Some of his tear drops fell onto the letter, smudging the words.
I would like to confess a truth which will hopefully provide you some consolation for my death. The truth is I am honestly glad that I died. Harsh, right? But I really am glad. I no longer have to live in a world which has stretched me thin. My schedule won’t be full of constant missions now and I’ll be free. I don’t have to be the strongest anymore. I’ll be at peace, Megumi, so I hope you won’t be so sad over my death. Life wasn't easy on me in any way. But, I believe I have led a decent life. My life, if I had to say, was good, great even. I had a great teacher like Yaga, Shoko as my best friend, you and Tsumiki as my kids, and Yuji, Nobara, Maki, Toge and the others as my incredible students. But I believe it’s my time to go and leave the jujutsu world in my students’ hands. I know it won’t be easy but I trust my teachings and you guys. I am sure you all will be able to build a secure and safe future for yourselves and the future generation. But you don’t have to do it all right now. I want you all to focus on healing yourselves first. Reconnect with each other, share your problems and fears with your friends and please, please, always stay together no matter what and help each other out in their difficult times. That’s the only thing I want from my students.
Megumi’s sobs have calmed down a little and he took some deep breaths in to compose himself. After wiping his face off of tears, he continued reading-
Coming back to you, when I mentioned that you and Tsumiki were the greatest joys of my life, I mean it wholeheartedly. The first time I held your sleepy form in my arms, I felt like a found a part of me that I didn’t know I was missing. When Tsumiki first time excitedly ran to me and hugged after the school was over was the day I felt like a real person. Similarly, there are so much more such moments in the ten years that I got to spend with you guys that I cannot count. You gave me a purpose in my life. You made me remember that I am a human being capable to feeling emotions which I had forgotten after my one and only person left me. You two were the brightest stars in my galaxy, brighter than the stars my domain made me see. So, never for a second ever feel that I didn’t love you. If I were given a chance to go back in past and fix everything, I'd still choose to adopt you two without a second thought. Yes, you guys were that important to me. Forgive your emotionally constipated sensei if you ever felt otherwise.
I think this letter is getting long enough and you must be sleepy already so I should wind it up with the last few things I want to say.
‘No, no, no sensei don’t go.’
Megumi’s eyes were slightly panicked and he flipped the current page but found no next page.
‘This is the last page. The last piece I’ll ever have of him. I don't want to let go of you yet.’
He covered his eyes with his left hand as his right hand has the letter. He cried a little to let his feelings out. After some time he regained his composure and wiped his tears with his left palm a little tightly. With a clear vision, he focused on the letter again. He clutched the pages of the letter more tightly, not wanting to let go of his sensei/benefactor/father's last words to him just yet.
I know you have always found it hard to put yourself first. You have always lived for others. But remember our talk where I told you to be greedier? I want you to take my advice seriously this time Megs and live for YOURSELF. Don’t hold yourself back from chasing your happiness. Life is too short to live in fear and insecurities Megumi, especially a Jujutsu Sorcerer’s life. I don’t want you to live with guilt and regrets. I don’t want you to condemn yourself for things beyond your control. I don't want you to carry a burden that is not yours to carry. I want you to be brave and act upon your desires and wishes because you deserve it Megumi. You deserve every single thing you wish for and every happiness you push yourself away from. You might not think of yourself as deserving but from an outsider's perspective you deserve the world. You need to act upon things you want.
Ask yuji out on a date.
Go shopping with Nobara.
Train with maki.
Go buy that album of the boy band or whatever it is you like.
The point is go live your life Megumi. That’s what Tsumiki and I would’ve wanted for you. Don’t let grief consume you. Take your time, heal yourself, spend time with yourself and others but don’t ever let the past hold you back. Trust me, Megumi. It’s not the ideal way to live your life.
Also, don’t worry about Tsumiki. I’ll find her and we’ll wait for you wherever we are. Don’t you dare come too early though and disrupt our father-daughter bonding. You’ll get your dedicated time for father-son bonding. Haha! Until then, go build a life, a good, long life for yourself. When you finally come to us, we’ll be right here, welcoming you with open arms.
Always remember that me and her will always be watching over you from the stars and whenever you miss us, just look at the night sky and know that we'll be listening to you. We could never not listen to you.
See you later, many many many years later, Megs.
I love you.
Tsumiki loves you.
We are so proud of you.
Be happy, my precious, little, sea-urchin child.
- Yours truly,
Gojo Saturo.
After finishing the letter, Megumi stared ahead at his dorm’s wall and sat in silence for a long time. It might have been minutes or hours, he doesn’t know. All he feels after reading the letter is emptiness. Not the bad kind of emptiness. The good kind. His chest feels less heavy since the time he woke up. It feels like this letter lifted a huge burden from Megumi’s shoulder and he could finally breathe a little. He wiped the dried tears streak off his face and looked down at the letter in his hands. He folded it back meticulously, like it was something precious. Which it was. When the letter was folded into its original shape and Gojo’s face doodle came to the front again, Megumi smiled at it little and hugged the letter to his chest. His eyes quickly filled with tears again. It seems like he wasn’t done crying yet. But this time the tears weren’t the tears of guilt or regrets. They were tears of feeling relieved, of letting go of something that’s been weighing him down. He hugged his knees to his chest and rested his head on them while staring outside the window in his dorm. He stared at it for a few moments before deciding something.
He stood up and went to stand at his window to gaze at the night sky. He took a few minutes to spot the constellations that Tsumiki had taught him when he was little and began to talk.
“Hi Tsumiki, Hi Gojo-Sensei”, he said softly while looking at the starry nights and imagining his family looking over him and listening to him from above the stars where they reside now like Saturo wrote in the letter.
“I read your letter, Saturo. It’s so sappy.”, saying this he chuckled a little and he could envision Gojo’s indignitant hey! You can’t call me feelings sappy! followed by a childish pout in his mind. He cherished the feeling for a moment.
But he quickly got serious again although a small smile was still tugging at his lips and his eyes were full of fondness and love for his family.
“Thankyou for writing this letter, Saturo. You always know exactly what to say to make me feel better. I promise you that I’ll build a good life for myself like you two wanted. I can’t guarantee that I’ll ever stop grieving you two but I won’t let it consume me. I’ll try to be greedier about myself and do what I want. I hope you two would be watching over me every step of my way but don’t let me hold back you from reincarnating.”
He smiled t the sky and glanced down to fiddle with his left hand’s sleeve before saying,
“but I want you to also wait for me. It’ll be a long wait but I hope time passes fast wherever you guys are so you won’t have to wait too long for me. I wish that in another lifetime we’ll be a proper family again but this time with no one being a sorcerer or dying early.”
He smiles a teary-eyed smile at them and lifts up his left hand towards the sky as if to reach them. A gentle gust of wish breezes by his hand and Megumi considers it as their way of holding his hand and saying ‘we’ll always be here Megumi.’
He smiles one last time at them as a single tear rolls down his left cheek. He takes in the stars for another moment before closing the window and going towards his bed.
He tucks the letter in his shadows, the safest place in the whole universe and goes to sleep.
That night, sleep comes easy to him and he dreams of being seven again, chasing Gojo and Tsumiki around with his little feet and laughing heartily with everyone. No sorcerery, no curses, no pain, no death. Just him, Tsumiki and Gojo. Just like it has always been and always will be.