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"This can't be happening.."
There is a sharp pull in your leg that forces your eyes open, your hands immediately rushing to grip onto your thighs as the wound on it makes you let out a pained hiss and desperate cry. The gash you've gotten looks horrible and will likely leave a scar if you don't get proper first-aid soon, but deep inside this forest it will surely take some time for your distress signal to arrive and for help to come get you soon.
Your vision feels blurry and your head is throbbing; you must've accidentally hit your head somehow when you tried to hoist your body into safety and away from immediate danger. Sighing, you lean back, taking in your surroundings which consist mainly of tall trees and heavy shadows that make it hard to identify your actual location, let along spend enough light not to start worrying.
The sudden surge of wanderers had taken you by surprise; you were supposed to be out on a simple patrol for metaflux fluctuations when the amount of high-level wanderers backed you into a corner and had you call for emergency back-up instead. You aren't sure if the signal arrived in time, but next thing you knew, you had been attacked from behind, a large scratch left on your leg that rendered you unable to move had you not been able to fire one last fatal shot before losing consciousness.
This is definitely not how it was supposed to go today and you know that if someone at the association were to find out what had happened, you'll be scolded endlessly for trying to fight on your own, not bothering to do enough research before heading out.
There's a reason you have a partner after all. And especially he wouldn't like this situation you've found yourself in if he were to realize how hurt you've gotten this time, something kind of ironic about how you ended up like this when you are always the one who nags him for disappearing without saying a word; dangerous wanderers fought in the middle of the night when you are asleep and assuming he would be doing the same.
But that's just the kind of guy Xavier is.
Reliant and strong. Knowledgeable and capable of accomplishing anything he sets his mind on with very few instances of him not excelling in them. You've always wondered what a guy like him — so perfect and seemingly closed off — would see in you and what exactly you possess in comparison to others that made him want to open up to you when he barely does that with anyone else.
The longer you think about him, the more you feel like wanting to cry. You've managed to lose your phone in the middle of combat, so even if you wanted to, you don't think you are able to call him right now, no matter how desperately you wish to see him in this moment, his gentle voice telling you that you will be alright and there's no need to worry anymore.
"Please come get me quickly.. Xavier"
Your whisper meets darkness, your hands and feet feeling numb from the cold and no matter how hard you squint your eyes to search for him, you cannot see his light in the far distance at all.
And as your eyelids grow heavy, your body trembling in fear, all you are left to do is hold onto yourself, hoping for time to pass quickly and a small miracle to arrive soon.
A bright miracle, hopefully. One that can take you away from this never-ending darkness.
"..'ll handle it…"
"…port to the association.."
"…right, thank you-"
The familiar voice sounds distant, something in the grass next to you shifting and when you open your eyes and take in the sight of the person in front of you, for a moment you think you are merely dreaming. Is that really Xavier in front of you right now?
Your hand is reaching out before you can even comprehend what is happening, his skin cold to the touch when your fingers brush his cheek gently. Xavier immediately turns his head to look at you, his pupils blown in surprise as he gazes at your face with an unexplainable expression on his face. It takes him a moment before he starts talking, his voice rough and deep that you can't quite tell if he has just not said anything in a while or if he has been woken up from sleep just a little while ago.
"You are awake" he mutters, and you notice the beads of sweat accumulated on his forehead running down his face; an unusual thing for someone who is able to get anywhere at the speed of light, "How are you feeling?"
"…C-cold"
Your throat hurts when you try to talk, your voice raspy and dry that it makes you let out a pained cough. Xavier's brows are furrowed as he takes a proper look at you, his thumb caressing your face gently, brushing away strands of hair that have fallen into your face, "Do you think you can handle the way back? I'll try to make it as quick as possible, but I need you to tell me if it hurts"
There's something in his eyes; something dark and unexplainable, and when he takes a closer look at your leg, all he does is let out an indecipherable sigh, his words for you scarce as he lifts you up and you two slowly make your way back. You can feel the tension on his shoulders when you brace yourself against them sometimes, your wound acting up occasionally that you are forced to take a short break so you can catch your breath for a moment.
And with every instance Xavier has to put you back down on the ground, your forehead accumulating buckets of sweat as you groan out loud and your nails dig into your thighs, he grows more and more silent, especially watching the way your whole body starts shaking in response to the toll this whole ordeal had taken on you.
You have never seen him this quiet and absentminded over you getting hurt before. Usually, when you accidentally hit yourself when walking past some furniture, or manage to get a cut while preparing lunch, he would fuss over you like you're going to bruise for weeks; the biggest frown on his face as he holds you and kisses your injury until you have to beg him to stop, constantly reassuring him that you are fine.
That's how Xavier usually behaves.
So, seeing him like this — completely quiet, his lips pressed together into a thin line, eyes barely holding any light in them even when they meet yours — reminds you of when you two first met, and he had been so different from the Xavier you've gotten to know over time. And it's only when you finally arrive at the hospital and get ushered to be looked after by a doctor, that you finally find the right word to all the questions that have been running through your head.
Xavier… is mad.
"…I'm sorry"
Xavier blinks, his once cold gaze slowly softening as the words finally register in his head and he lifts his head to meet your eyes. "What for?" he whispers, giving your hand a light squeeze.
"I.. got hurt when out on a mission. That wasn't supposed to happen."
Had this been the Xavier you always knew him to be, he'd say something along the lines of 'it's not your fault' or 'you couldn't have seen it coming, don't worry' right about now, making sure you don't feel bad about what had happened, because that's just the kind of person he is; especially knowing how capable you are in what you do.
But Xavier is eerily quiet, simply nodding his head along with you as if agreeing with what you had just said. You can tell how tense the air still feels between you two; his unusual demeanor something you have no idea how to handle, especially with how vulnerable you were currently feeling now that your body has finally gotten the chance to relax and focus on recovering.
"I'm sorry for making you mad"
Xavier frowns, shaking his head, "…I'm not mad."
"You haven't looked at me properly since you've entered this room, Xav"
"That's because-" he sighs, scratching the back of his neck as he refuses to look at you; it's something he always does when he's trying to lie, but you know him better than that, "..No, actually, never mind."
He has never sounded this distant to you before. It's like he's angry at you for messing up the mission, and with everything that had happened today and how exhausted your body was already feeling, you felt strangely overwhelmed, your heart rate picking up quickly as your head started spinning in circles. Was it shame or guilt, you really couldn't tell anymore; all you could envision when closing your eyes is that displeased expression on his face.
Your voice shakes when you finally speak up, your fingers slowly intertwining with his as you feel your throat tightening and your eyes starting to burn, tears welling up inside of them, "Xavier, talk to me.." you swallow — the big lump inside your throat making you feel like you won't be able to say any more, "..please-"
The moment he looks back into your eyes again, it is as if that sturdy wall immediately breaks. Xavier's eyes widen in shock, his hands immediately rushing upwards to cup your face, his thumbs brushing away any signs of tears you might've shed.
"I'm sorry" he mumbles in his soft voice, shaking his head slowly, "I didn't mean to make you cry"
Even though he told you not to, the moment you felt like this was finally Xavier talking to you again, the tears don't stop rolling down your face. His arms wrap around your body in an instant, pressing you closer to his chest so you could calm down while listening to the beat of his heart.
Xavier's always calm usually, and so is his heart rate.
But right now it sounds like his heart about to burst out of his chest.
"I'm sorry," he repeats, squeezing you as you silently shed your tears, "I didn't mean to get angry at you. I just..-" he sighs, leaning down so you are facing each other properly, "You have no idea how I've felt when I got back from my mission and heard that there had been a distress signal coming from your watch- It has taken me so long to finally get to you when I should've been there the moment it happened-"
"You were out on a mission yourself.. There was no way you could've come to me sooner-"
"I tried calling you again and again, but it never went through. I was imagining the worst when I was rushing to where your location last pinged.. and then I saw your wound"
"I lost my phone while fighting," you explain nervously, your hands fidgeting with the hem of the blanket, "and by the time I thought about going to look for it so I can text you, I wasn't able to move anymore.. I'm sorry"
"Don't be."
His arms feel warm. Xavier continues silently holding you until both of you are able to calm down, his heart beat finally feeling familiar again. His voice is soft when he speaks up, the remains of tears having dried up as you listen to him talk.
"When I thought I was going to lose you.. my mind went blank. Every time you looked like you were in pain, I felt like it was my fault for not getting to you quicker," his eyebrows are furrowed, his hand trembling as it cups your face, "I kept thinking that I should've asked you what your plans were going to be today or what missions you were supposed to be out on.. I don't ever want to see you go through this kind of pain ever again."
"You are too sweet, Xav."
"I just don't want to lose you."
"You won't." You smile, placing your hand above his, "Look at me, I'm fine now, aren't I? I'm right in front of you."
Xavier nods slowly.
"I've made sure to do everything I could, given the situation I'd been in. I'm hurt, but I'm going to be alright. This is just another part of our job that is inevitable, right? I can't promise you that I'll always come out of a fight unscathed, but I'll be more careful next time, I promise."
You press a short kiss on his palm, nuzzling your face into it, "I'm sorry for making you worry this much."
The fog that has previously clouded his eyes finally seemed to have calmed. It's that beautiful blue again, full of admiration and warmth for you which he reserves for you, and you only. Xavier leans closer, your foreheads touching and for a while, he just stays with you like this, breathing in the smell of you as it proved to him that you are indeed fine and well.
"I'll make sure you never get hurt again, I promise."