Chapter Text
He is visibly shaking. Shaking hands. Legs. His veins are shaking, trembling to death. His eyes daring himself to move from the view of the dead body, daring him to look away, away, far away.
(Because he doesn't want to be here. Naruto knows that his eyes are shaking too)
The blood. The gore. The pain. And the pleaseletmegoIhatethisIhatethisIhatethis—
(Because he feels his eyes cracked, struggled to death. His pupils are screeching an exit. Not this place. Anywhere. But not this place—)
Umino Iruka is lifeless on the ground, lifelessness reached him as fast as it comes. Naruto feels this enveloping him as well, struggling to breathe— to live, to move.
He seems to be screaming and crying and dying all at the same time. He finally moves his daze from the body when he realizes the other person from behind.
Mizuki.
The screaming stops.
"You little brat! Look at what you have done!"
The crying stops.
"Now, give me that damn scroll..."
He stops dying because he needs to be the one to protect.
(He is going to kill him)
Naruto jumps to Mizuki and starts punching him like there is no tomorrow, like every single punch is the last moment of his lifetime. He snarls and scowls and the blood, the blood are spreading on his face, his hand (and probably his heart). He doesn't want to stop. He feels the need to kill this person — this murderer, to feel his screams, his pain, his blood, and he wonders numbly how Iruka-sensei must've felt.
(He is sure his sensei had regretted knowing him)
So he punches for minutes, hours and all the seconds fly with the cursing words of Mizuki. Naruto is exhausted, but he keeps beating anyway. He is also tired about all the tears that make his head spin, his eyes burn.
(But it doesn't matter, nobody cares. He feels stupid that he cares)
(The ramen. He can smell it)
The dreams.
(The smile. He feels it)
Stopstopstopstop
(The words. He hears it)
Please...stop
(The body is cold)
The moon is shining peacefully on a white haired man, spilling and choking out blood, eyes asking for hope. Then he stopped to move. Naruto turns away from the body, and move to Iruka. He remembers he accused him to be same as the other villagers.
(He realizes he prefers him being the same as the others)
Then he collapsed on his beloved one.
XXXXXxxxxx
Naruto once had dreams about the future.
Dark grey faces were surrounding him, but not sending a single glance and the boy. They were always whispering in his dreams. Faceless adults and children gathered together, saying things he doesn't want to hear.
The blackened room was full of people, but Naruto felt like they weren't in the same place, they weren't in the same world. He lift his head and eyed them with a blank stare. He had made these dreams for too many times to actually care.
(But he did)
He looked at the shattered, overwhelmed eyes and voices, saying all at once the same thing. Monster. Dirt. No one should love him. Why do we let him live.
And Naruto smiles. With his bright and warm grin, he tiled his head to the side, looking anywhere but the villagers.
"I know this already, do you have anything other to say?"
He then laughs, uncontrollably so. Laughing about a lot of things, laughing for them, laughing for him, laughing at this village and their say-so justice.
(Laughing at why he still cares)
"Naruto."
A hand reaches to him and he doesn't look up, too busy to laugh himself out of this place. Out of this dream.
"Naruto."
He slowly stops the laugh, and more slowly, he turns more, not wanting to hear this voice.
"Naruto."
He inhales a deep and shaking breath, not not not willing to seek for this warm, because he knows, he just simply knows—
"I have something to say, Naruto."
— this is not something he deserved.
The light comes for a little peak from the window, like the cold moon, embracing him suddenly. He can't breathe. Because the body who silently warps his arms around is cold.
But this is so so warm so Naruto clutches his hands and buries his head in his arms. Everything feels safe now. The whispers disappear.
"Naruto."
"Uh?" Come his muffled voice.
"I am proud of you."
Naruto lifts up and watches with smiling eyes.
"I know, Iruka-sensei."
"I love you."
"I know."
"And everything will be fine."
The words fill the entire dark surroundings like a smooth wind coming from the cascades, loving like a gentle bird song, but freezing his veins and body without warning.
"No, Iruka-sensei," he says under a strangle cry. "Nothing would be the same anymore."
The day of Naruto's graduation, Iruka died, and Naruto survived from the attack. That's what the ANBU reports.
(But everything after seems to prove it was the reverse)
XXXXxxxx
Sakura watches in amazement as Uchiha Sasuke lifts his head and his dark eyes are fixing on the class broad, listening attentively to their sensei. Sasuke is a such beauty that she will never be able to get over with.
She realizes his eyes darting around, purposefully or not looking at an empty seat. Sakura vaguely remembers it belongs to Naruto. It is strange that the blonde isn't here to shout some obnoxious comments and being his annoying self in the classroom.
He is missing. Usually, nobody is late for the team setting, not even Naruto.
Sakura couldn't care less, to be honest. She doesn't understand why Sasuke seems to search for Naruto. He is always complaining about everything and she hates him.
(Well, she hates him because everyone hates him, but otherwise she doesn't care about him)
She cups her chin, looking at Sasuke happily, feeling the wind slowly lifting her hair. It is a wonderful day.
When she hears their sensei calls her for the result of the exam, she replies a cheerful yes and runs in front with all the joy in the world.
Sakura wonders where are Mizuki sensei and Iruka sensei while the person in front of her congratulates her for her graduation and tells her their member of her new genin team.
XXXXXxxxxxx
Naruto thinks that maybe his life is a wonderful lie.
(Or nightmare. Whatever.)
Because when he wakes up he can find nothing. He just finds all this emptiness and air and pain and blood that is supposed to be on his hands. Muzuki's blood.
The third Hokage had told him that he would keep yesterday a secret. Due to some fucking reputation reasons. And he will let him fucking graduate because he returned the scroll safe to Konoha. But they all know Naruto fell in exhaustion before even returning to the village. It was the ANBU squad who found him and brought the scroll back.
Letting him graduate is a kind of exchange, they are hoping he would calm down. They have done this for a numberless of times, but last time they did, they give him an Iruka. And he indeed calmed down.
Not this time.
He starts screaming and yelling in his own apartment, not bothering to think about the neighborhood, they find him disgusting either way. He breaks every single piece he can find in this tiny and dirty place, he feels he knuckles shattering in every way, the bathroom glasses are too much. Everything is too much.
The blood pouring, struggling to get out, his fingers curled into fists and he kneels down on the broken glasses. He is still shaking and crying and —
Whispering. Words. Words he wants to say to the only person that cared for him, unfinished sentences he wanted to finish, wanted to complete.
(It's a lot like praying)
"Iruka-sensei, I will eat more healthy food, I will be a great ninja, I will take care of myself, I will learn, and listen to you. And I am so sorry, I am sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry, I am so so sorry, I am sorry Iruka-sensei..."
(Praying that he will forgive him)
His knees hurt. He stumbles down on his bed, pieces of glass still sticking to his hand and legs, didn't care that blood drained his sheets, and going back to another session of nightmares.
He wishes his life is a beautiful truth.
(Then he could protect the ones he couldn't protect before)
Tomorrow he will go to class, ask his team members, and get stronger.
XXXXxxxxxx
"Why I am with this bastard?!"
The loud sound echoes on the nearly empty classroom and makes Uchiha Sasuke wince at the disturbing voice that comes from Uzumaki Naruto.
The blond rudely points a finger towards him and gambles about 'why would a genius like me be in the same team as him' and so on. Sasuke is more than willing to shut his mouth with a fight, but he stays quiet nonetheless. He needs to think about his future plan once their teacher comes.
(He wonders why Naruto's knees and hands have bandages covering all over his skin and —)
Their teacher comes in.
(why his eyes are so blue, so ocean like, so sky like)
"You are late!"
"Maaaa ma, I get lost in the path of my life so —"
"Liar!"
(Why can his eyes covered all the forgiveness and all the happiness in one sky than another, why the blue, the constant blue, the crystal like glass mirrored souls and why something changed in the unconditional love—)
They soon moved to the rooftop, and he starts to ask their dreams. Sasuke of course scares everyone with his answer, Sakura's sure annoyed the hell out of him. But Naruto's is quite strange, incoherent to his character. His answer makes everyone turns to him.
"I want to become the strongest person in the world", he said, a grin on his face. And this makes no sense.
This boy beside him was always blabbing about how he wanted to become Hokage, what is he saying now?
(What changed in you?)
"So I can protect my precious people!", he adds, obviously determined about his newest dream. His sapphire orbs melt into soft cerulean sea.
(What happened?)
He hears Sakura ask, if not annoyed by the answer, "Didn't you want to become Hokage? Why suddenly you want to become the strongest?", even Kakashi is looking at him, seeking an answer from the still smiling boy.
Naruto looks at his bandaged hands, smiling smoothly like he is looking at someone else, smiling with such happiness that he seems to cry the next second.
(He wants to know what happened)
"Because I don't need acknowledgement anymore."
(Needs to know what happened)
"One is enough. One is enough."
Sasuke looks at him with uncertainty, not sure if this is the Naruto he knows all along.
(— changed when his eyes are filled with the same amount of hate as him)
"Make sure you all come tomorrow to the bridge at 5 in the morning. Ah, and don't eat your breakfast, you will throw up."
"Whaaaaat?!", come the sounds of Sakura and Naruto, both looking scared of what will come tomorrow. Even Sasuke gets a chill on his back.
(Maybe they are not so different after all)
With this announcement, Kakashi disappears and Sasuke knows the time has come.
The time for getting strong enough to find Itachi.