Chapter Text
“Are you sure this is a good idea?”
Pomni looked back at the others, who seemed nervous, worried, as she stood at the entrance of the newly improved pillow fort. Or, well, tent, really. The abstraction tent, Caine had called it once. Nobody ever called it that again.
“No,” Pomni admitted, making Ragatha look even more unnerved. “But I'm sure that Caine will pull me out when it gets too much for me- Right Caine?”
“Of course!” the AI nodded, hovering a little above them. “I’ll be closely monitoring the situation and separate you two when necessary.”
“Well, if you really want to do this, we can’t stop you,” Zooble sighed, putting a hand on Ragatha’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s give them some space.”
Pomni didn’t think that was necessary. They could all stand an watch for all she cared- It’s not like they would actually see what was happening inside anyway. She still thought not all of them believed them when she told them what happened when she'd touched him that very first time, leaving her body a glitching mess.
She took a deep breath, turning back to the tent, seeing Jax’ form curled up on the ground. But she’d been able to talk to him, hadn't she? Pomni was able to reach into Jax’ mind and talk to him. And if he was really, truly still in there, she just couldn't abandon a friend. Abstracted or not.
Maybe that was just her guilt talking. Maybe she still felt bad about not prodding, about not asking questions, pushing the issue- Maybe she’d never stop feeling bad about that. This wasn’t about her, though. This was about him. And if Jax told her to back off, if he didn't want her talking to him anymore, she’d…try to respect that. She had to.
The others dispersed as she climbed down the pillow wall inside the tent, and Caine silently floated in behind her. Jax didn’t stir from his slumber at all as she walked up to him, his many eyes closed as his chest moved up and down with each slow breath.
“Whenever you are ready,” Caine told her. Pomni took another deep breath, closing her eyes before flinging herself against his side like she’d done before.
Abstract spiraling colours and images filled her head in an instant, slowly making way for something more comprehensive. A door with Jax’ face drawn on top. Only one, this time. When she twisted the knob, it opened without resistance.
And then there she was, in that same black void, the only light coming from a streetlight further away, a familiar purple rabbit standing underneath it. Unlike the last time she was here, Jax was already looking at her, yet his expression remained unreadable.
“Why are you here, Pomni?”
She blinked, a small smile rising to her face when she realized it had actually worked. That she was here, inside Jax’ subconscious, his mind file, his neuroscan, and was able to talk to him like before.
“I…wanted to talk to you,” Pomni said, taking a couple of steps closer. Her movement made ripples in the dark space, like drops falling on still water. “I wanted to fill you in on what’s happening- A lot has changed, you know?”
He frowned, letting out a huff.
“Why would I need to know about all that? I…” he trailed off, clenching his fists by his side as he closed his eyes. “I’ve already abstracted.”
“I know,” Pomni said as she walked up to him. “But I still want to talk to you, if you’ll let me?”
He opened his eyes, letting out a sigh.
“Well, you’re here now anyway,” he sighed, making her smile even more. “I don’t know what there would be to talk about. You already know everything, and I doubt the circus has changed much since I…”
He frowned, rubbing his arm and averting his eyes now that Pomni was standing in front of him.
“What… What happened to my…body? Am I in the cellar now? Is… Is there even a cellar left?”
“You’re not in the cellar, no,” Pomni said, trying not to be too disappointed by the fact Jax wasn't lucid at all back in the circus. Then again, maybe it was for the best of the abstracted didn’t realize what was going on after they... “You… We’ve made a big blanket fort for you. It’s dark in there- It calms down the abstraction.”
“Oh,” Jax breathed, blinking, taking it in. Pomni glanced around, making Jax look at her again when she took his hand.
“Come, let's sit. It talks easier.”
Jax didn’t resist when she tugged him down onto the ground, the void rippling around them with each move as they sat side by side underneath the streetlight.
“So what else?” Jax asked.
“Caine returned,” she said, making Jax’ eyes widen.
“What?”
“We don't know how, but he was never fully deleted, apparently,” Pomni shrugged. “So the circus is back to normal- Well, no, we’ve made some changes. Caine is making an effort to work with us now and he’s doing-”
“No, wait, don’t-” Jax choked out, his eyes spiraling as his breathing got louder. “Caine… Caine can’t be back. He’s dead. Kinger deleted him. He-”
“Jax..?” Pomni asked, worried. She reached out for him, placing a hand on his shoulder, only for his form the turn jagged. “Jax!”
“Ha! So the circus is just- and everyone else is happy?” he choked out. “I… I can’t… We’re not even…”
Tears welled up in his eyes, dripping down the floor followed by loud echoes across the darkness. Pomni grabbed him, pulling him into a hug, which made him sob even more.
“Why do you always have to go and make things more complicated, huh?” Jax choked out. “Making me…feel all these things. Don't you know I have nowhere else to go?!”
He held onto her as tight as possible as he cried, and Pomni could feel the familiar sensation of the glitch entering her system. She probably didn’t have long before Caine pulled her away.
“I won’t come back if you don’t want me to,” she told him, yet that made his grip only tighten.
“No- No, please, I don't want to go,” he sobbed. “Don't leave me, please, I just-”
Bright light invaded her vision, followed by a sudden onslaught of colours and then voices.
“Pomni! Pomni, hey, are you okay?”
She blinked, hissing when the glitch wrecked through her body. Pomni was back in the circus- She was laying flat on her back next to Jax’ tent. Caine had pulled her out, like he said he would. Ragatha was looking even more worried then before and-
Her eyes widened when a roar rang through the circus, and her head snapped up to the fort, which Caine pulled closed before she could see Jax’ form.
“I’m sure he’ll calm down again in no time!” the ringmaster said, staying positive as he snapped his fingers, resetting Pomni’s avatar in an instant, like nothing happened at all. “So, did you get what you wanted, Pomni?”
She blinked, patting herself before accepting Ragatha’s hand. Did she get what she wanted? That…was a good question. Her time with Jax hadn’t been nearly as long as she’d hoped for, and the way he reacted… Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea after all. Maybe leaving the abstracted be was the best course of action-
Don’t leave me, please.
But how could she just stay away after hearing a plea like that..?
“Did… Did you get to talk to him?” Gangle asked as Pomni was pulled up.
“Yeah, I… I talked to him,” Pomni smiled. “He’s in there, even if he’s not aware of what’s happening out here.”
“So he’s not…conscious then, right?” Zooble asked, wearily eying the tent. Would they feel bad if he was..?
“Okay, great! Glad we, uh, learned more about that- Let’s never do it again,” Ragatha said with a nervous laugh.
“What? Ragatha, I-”
“You didn't see the way Jax reacted to it, Pomni,” she interrupted. “I… I get that you care about him, and I care about him, too. It's just… I don’t think it’s worth the risk of him going on a rampage or… or losing you, too.”
Oh… Pomni’s gaze softened as she squeezed Ragatha’s hand- still holding it after she’d pulled her up from the ground.
“I’m okay, Ragatha. I promise.”
Her eyes trailed to the blanket fort. She hoped Jax would be okay, too.
><><><><><
It took a couple of days before she tried again. Convincing Caine to watch over her hadn’t been an issue- He did pretty much anything they asked for now. No, getting this past the others, on the other hand…
Pomni got that Ragatha was worried, really, but this was a controlled environment, right? If things spiraled out of control, Caine would get her out of there. And if things got really bad, he’d send Jax down to the cellar-turned-aquarium, where he wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone else by accident. The thought made her frown, though.
And so she dove into his mind fine again, standing in front of that very same door, seeing that very same rabbit under that very same streetlight. He was sitting this time, his legs pulled up to his chest as he stared up at the light, not acknowledging her presence at all as she walked up to him.
“...hi.”
He didn’t react to her, didn’t stop staring at the streetlight as she sat down next to him.
“Sorry about how our conversation ended last time,” she added, and this time he did react. Slowly lowering his head and turning towards her.
“Why are you apologizing?”
“Well, I left so suddenly and-”
“I hurt you,” he whispered. “I… I pushed you away and hurt you and… I saw…”
Jax frowned, looking conflicted as he looked away from her, down at the ground.
“...Caine,” he muttered. “Getting you away from me.”
He gripped his knees, closing his eyes, and Pomni’s only got bigger. He saw that? He was… He was conscious in that moment, right after she left?
“Why did you come back here?”
“You asked me to,” Pomni replied easily, making his head snap towards her. “You… You really saw Caine?”
He blinked, letting out a short, forced laugh.
“Why’re you so surprised by that? You were literally the one who told me he’s back.”
“But you said you’re not aware of anything going on outside,” Pomni pointed out, and she could see the way he tightened the grip on his legs before loosening up.
“I… I’m not. Most of the time- It doesn’t matter,” Jax said quickly. “I don’t want to talk about that and I doubt you came all the way here to talk about that, either- Weren’t you gonna tell me about everything that has changed since I…left?”
He motioned with his hand, talking fast and then slowing down as he tried to pick out the right words.
“So…tell me about it.”
“Oh… Okay,” Pomni said, not lingering on the fact Jax was clearly avoiding the topic of his abstraction- That was fine. Pomni could work with that. Prying into things wouldn’t change anything now. “Caine told us our names- our real, human names, and what we’re up to, out in the real world.”
Jax stiffened beside her, and she paused, making sure he was okay. That he didn't freak out on her like he’d done before.
“Do you… Do you want to know-”
“No,” Jax immediately snapped, pointedly looking away. “That person- He isn’t me. I’m not him. Not anymore. It doesn’t matter what he’s doing-”
“Don’t you want to know about your mother?” Pomni interrupted, making his head slowly turn towards her. His pupils were nothing but pinpricks, his breathing a little faster, a bit more shallow. “She’s okay. Caine couldn't dig up much information about her, but she’s okay. You, uhm… He seems to have broken almost all contact with her, but she's okay. Alive.”
Jax blinked, taking it all in as tears pricked in the corners of his eyes.
“She’s…alive,” he whispered, and Pomni let out a quiet affirmative sound. “I didn’t kill her..?”
“You didn’t.”
He started crying at that, full on sobbing, and Pomni didn’t think she’d ever seen Jax cry as much as she had since he abstracted. He broke down as Pomni wrapped her arms around him, relief and regret washing over him in waves.
Then the staticky feeling started to numb her limbs again, and Pomni knew she didn't have much longer in this place.
“Jax, I need to go,” she told him, but he didn't react. “I’m going to leave- I can’t stay much longer.”
“...’s okay,” he sobbed, looking at her through his tears. “Thank you…for telling me.”
Then he smiled. A soft, genuine smile. And Pomni was rapidly pulled away from him.
><><><><><
She continued to “visit” him once a week, telling him about the things that changed, the things they did. She told him about how Caine left the different worlds open to them, how the circus had expanded. Pomni told him about Zooble’s bar within the main tent and how Gangle was teaching Caine how to draw. Jax had snorted, making a comment about how Caine would only ever use that to draw bees, and well, he wasn’t wrong, exactly.
Pomni also told him about her own progress on conjuring things. How she’d been making changes to her room that way, to have it feel more like hers. Jax seemed to listen closely when she explained those things, and maybe that’s because he never learned the basics before he abstracted. Because he’d already been struggling, secluding himself, refusing to interact-
“We made a mural today, in remembrance of those that abstracted,” Pomni said, sitting with Jax underneath the streetlight. Its glow had changed from reddish to a soft yellow over time, and Pomni wondered whether Jax had any influence on that at all.
“Oh yeah? You painted me in all my glory?” he teased, motioning to himself. Because yeah, he’d been way more open with her, but he was still himself. Still teasing and making jokes, if he felt like it. Sometimes he was too lost in his own thoughts, too sunken, barely even paying attention to what she was saying, to really make a quip about it. Today was different, it seemed.
“We made sure to capture that picture perfect smile,” Pomni grinned, and Jax laughed a little before his eyes trailed off, that somber look overtaking him again.
“That’s nice…” he hummed. “Did… Did you paint Ribbit..?”
“Her portrait is right next to yours,” Pomni told him, watching his eyes blow out a little. “We thought it would only be fitting considering that the two of you were close.”
She didn't mention the way he’d pushed her away, didn’t mention Jax had tried to break off that friendship in any way possible just to avoid being vulnerable with anyone. Pomni hadn’t mentioned anything she knew about him through the memories she saw in this place, really. The only moment she even hinted at it was when she told him his mom was alive.
Pomni tried to convince herself it was because Jax wouldn't want to talk about any of that stuff, but maybe it was a little selfish, too. Because, wow, where do you even start to unpack any of that? The way Jax grew up, how it made him into the person he is now- The bow. The pink bow Ribbit placed on his head and the way he felt giddy and secure-
“And… And Kaufy?” Jax asked quietly.
“Next to Ribbit,” Pomni answered, making him hum. They sat in silence for a while after that, and Pomni was honestly surprised she’d been able to stay this long at all. The duration of her visits had been getting longer, the glitchy feeling not overcoming her as easily as before. Maybe her body was getting used to it?
Jax took a shaky breath and quickly wiped away the tears forming in his eyes.
“Fuck- You’re gonna make me cry,” he said, forcing a chuckle. “Talk about something else, please.”
“It’s okay to cry, Jax. To show emotion,” Pomni told him as he sniffled. “I won’t judge you.”
“Maybe not, but you’ll leave me,” Jax mumbled, making her eyes widen.
“What- What do you mean?”
“Like you don’t know,” he told her with a small huff, quieting down as he stared at her, realization downing on him. “You…don’t know?”
“Know what?”
“The more…stable my emotions are, the more stable this place is,” Jax said, gesturing around at the vast nothingness around them. “Every time I get really upset or too excited or something, you get pulled away from me- And don’t tell me it’s not true, I’ve noticed the pattern, I literally have nothing else to do.”
She stared at him with wide eyes. Pomni thought back on all the times she’d been pulled away by Caine, only to realize that was some merit behind his words. Maybe… Maybe the duration of their visits had nothing to do with her, after all. Maybe it had been Jax all along… It would make sense, seeing as this was his mind.
“Oh… I didn't notice,” she said, making him snort and roll his eyes.
“Yeah, I got that much.”
“Wait, are you… Are you bored in here?” Pomni asked, her mind jumping onto the other things he said. “Can you get bored in here? I thought your mind just kind of…shut off or something?”
That was something Jax had told her during one of her previous visits, at least. That he didn’t really remember much happening between her disappearing and arriving again. That time was weird like that and his mind was just at a constant blank if there was nothing around to stimulate it. Like he didn’t exist in this form unless Pomni pulled it out of him.
“I’ve been more…conscious lately, I guess?” he shrugged. “I mean, if it really can be called that. I’m still just…here.”
And he’ll always be just here. There was no getting back from abstraction. They both knew that, and it was clear that Jax was uncomfortable with the topic, shifting in place, making the pinging noise echo through the void as waves rippled away from them.
“...I hate this,” he confessed in a small, vulnerable voice. “I hate that I left. That I didn’t try- I hate you’re going to leave again.”
“I’m not-” Pomni started to argue, only for the staticky feeling to start tingling in her chest. Could he feel that? Could he control that? Jax gave Pomni one last pained look before she was yanked out of his head, finding herself panting on the circus floor.
“She’s back!” Zooble called out as Caine fixed up her body. She crawled up from the floor, seeing Zooble standing behind their bar as some of the others wandered into the main tent area.
“You, uh, you were taking a lot longer than I thought you would,” Ragatha said as she gave Pomni and obvious one over. How many times did she have to tell the ragdoll that she was fine? That visiting Jax' mind like that was harmless? Well, as long as someone intervened in time, that is. Caine had never failed on that front, though.
“Yeah, Jax has been able to control himself more so I can stay in touch longer,” Pomni told her with a smile.
“Really? That’s amazing,” Kinger gasped. “To be able to control the side effects of abstraction like… Huh, I didn’t think it was possible.”
Then again, none of them knew it was possible to enter each other’s mind files like that, either. Abstraction really was uncharted territory, one they’d never been able to map out or study due to a lack of subjects. Any and all abstractions had always been sent straight to the cellar, after all. Jax was the first one to actually stay in the circus like this. The first one they could access freely, in a sense.
“It’s definitely a little finicky,” Pomni told him. “But I’m sure he can learn to fully control it- Maybe then you guys would feel comfortable enough to visit, too?”
Nobody had mentioned wanting to when Pomni started to regularly talk to Jax’ abstraction, and when she’d suggested it one evening during dinner, they hadn’t exactly been excited. Most arguments involved the risk of getting stuck in that place, or getting sucked into abstraction somehow- not that Pomni thought that was possible. Not with the safety measures in place.
“...maybe,” Ragatha frowned, rubbing her arm. “Uhm, do… Do you want to come out to the field with me? Gangle has been working on some sports outfit designs and Caine is putting them together so we can play. I know sports isn’t really your thing so no worries if you don’t want to, I just-”
“I’d love to,” Pomni smiled, glad Ragatha was getting more assertive with what she wanted, even if she was still nervous about it sometimes. “Thanks for inviting me.”
“Of course!” she smiled. “Come on, I’m sure you like what Gangle came up with for you- It’s got these stripes and-”
><><><><><
The next time she visited Jax, she paused at the entrance.
There was the dark void, the streetlight providing some soft illumination inside of the seemingly endless nothingness. And there was Jax, sitting on a bench underneath said streetlight, looking away from her. A bench. Since when had there been a bench here?
Jax didn’t mention it. Didn't move or react when she opened the door nor when she cautiously walked over to him, rounding the bench to see him staring ahead into nothing. Pomni eyed the bench, which looked sturdy and real- Real enough for Jax to be sitting on it.
“Are you just gonna stand there?” he asked, his eyes slowly turning towards her, a smile rising to his face. “Weren’t you the one that said sitting is more comfortable?”
“Uh right,” Pomni said, carefully sitting down. It didn’t feel any different from the other circus assets. “Where… Where did the bench come from?”
“Oh, this old thing?” Jax smiled, patting the back of the bench as he stretched his arm alongside it, behind Pomni’s back. “I conjured it!”
“What?”
“You heard me, Pompom,” he smiled, obviously proud of himself. “I got tired of always having to sit on the floor, so I got us something to sit on- How considerate of me, wouldn’t you say?”
Jax…conjured it? An entire bench?! It had taken Pomni days to be able to conjure even basic shapes! A bench was such a complicated object and- And it hadn’t been that long since she last saw him, right? Only a couple of days- Jax couldn’t have learned conjuring on his own in the span of a couple of days! That was impossible, it was-
“You can say it’s impressive, you know,” he grinned.
“How did you do it?” Pomni asked, still inspecting the bench. She couldn’t find any obvious fault with it.
“Uh, I conjured it?” he repeated, as if it was nothing. “You do it too, right? You said so yourself.”
“Yeah, simple basic shapes and furniture- and that took me weeks of practice!” Pomni exclaimed. “How are you able to create something like this in only a couple of days? It shouldn’t be possible-”
“Ah, well, time is weird here,” Jax shrugged, as if that would explain things.
“Wait… How long has it been since I was last here?” Pomni asked him, watching him turn away from her. “Jax-”
“A couple of days, like you said,” Jax said quickly.
“Jax…” Pomni sighed. “You… You’re more conscious in here than you claim to be, aren’t you?”
He pulled his arm back from behind her, fully turning away from her and towards the streetlight.
“...don’t do this, Pomni,” he muttered. “Don’t go and make things harder than they need to be.”
“Jax-”
“DON’T!” he snapped, turning towards her with an intense angry glare. The last thing she saw before she was panting on the familiar black and white tiles of the circus, completely out of breath. She could hear Jax’ abstraction roar in the background, could hear Caine say something about that being a quick one as he closed up the fort.
She felt out of breath as she lay on the ground, trying to calm down after being forcefully rejected like that- because that’s what that was, wasn’t it? Jax had thrown her out. He’d pushed her away on purpose. She didn’t know he could just do that.
“Hey Pomni, are you-?” Gangle started, wanting to help her up, only to gasp and pull her hand away. What? What was wrong? Pomni groaned as she rolled over, crawling up on her feet while Zooble approached.
“Hey, Gangle, what’s- Oh my god,” Zooble gasped. “Pomni, you… Your eyes-”
Her eyes? What about her eyes? Pomni reached up to touch her face, only to flinch back when her hand started glitching again. Wait… How could that..? Another loud gasp rang through the air, and suddenly she was buried in Ragatha’s arms.
“It’s okay, you’re okay- please don’t let it consume you,” she said quickly, and Pomni could tell she was tearing up, and okay, what the hell was going on?! “There is still so much to live for! So please don’t abstract-”
“Wait, hold on, what-?” Pomni said, quickly pulling back. “Ragatha, I'm not abstracting, I’m fine! Why are you-?”
She was right, Ragatha's was crying. Crying and looking very confused.
“Oh… Oh, your eyes are back to normal,” she breathed in relief, placing a hand on Pomni’s cheek. “That’s good.”
“What was wrong with my eyes?”
“Pomni, you… You didn’t realize you were abstracting..?” Zooble asked, worried.
“Whoawowo- Abstracting? Where is this coming from?” Pomni asked, her eyes darting between them.
“Pomni, your eyes were all…wacky and colourful,” Ragatha told her. “It really looked like you were abstracting and… If it wasn’t that, then what..?”
Her eyes widened, her gaze immediately shooting towards the blanket fort. It couldn’t be… Jax couldn't have actually…
Ragatha followed her gaze and tensed.
“You were visiting Jax, weren’t you?”
“Ragatha-”
“I told you it was dangerous!” she yelled clearly upset and scared. “Spending so much time near an abstraction could have side effects we know nothing about! It could be affecting you in some way- It could be making you unstable and start to abstract and-”
“It only happened because Jax was upset!” Pomni yelled back. That had to be it, right? There was no other explanation. “I said something he didn’t like and-”
“Even more reason to not go back in there,” Ragatha said. “If Jax getting upset can make you start to abstract, then even Caine isn’t going to be able to help you, Pomni-”
“You can't be serious-”
“Please, I just… I don’t want anything to happen to you because of all…this,” Ragatha said, looking at the others for help. “Say something.”
Zooble frowned, looking conflicted before sighing.
“Look, I know you’ve been visiting Jax for a while now, and that you think you’re doing the right thing, but Ragathat’s concerns are valid,” they stated. “You were looking real fucked up, Pomni. We already lost Jax- We don’t want to lose you, too.”
Pomni sputtered, at a loss for words. She understood where they were coming from, she really did, but something like this had never happened before. It was a one time thing- A one time thing that could potentially become more than once in the future, if Jax were to get upset with her again. Something that, worst case, could lead to her own abstraction…
But Jax hadn’t meant to! He didn’t even know, most likely. Pomni knew that if she just got a chance to tell him, he wouldn’t do anything like that again.
“It was an accident,” Pomni repeated. “You guys… You don't actually think Jax would do that on purpose, do you? He just needs to learn how to control himself and-”
“And what if he won’t?” Ragatha asked. “What if he can't control it? We’re not just dealing with Jax here, Pomni- We’re dealing with an abstraction! They’re not exactly known to have control over the situation!”
“But Jax is in there! He is conscious!” Pomni yelled. “How can we just abandon him like that?!”
“Okay, hold on now folks,” Caine said, floating down in between them. “Feelings are running high, we don't want to say anything we don’t mean, so why don’t we take a break, hm? Let the issue rest for a moment and come back with a clear head!”
Pomni huffed, knowing Caine had a point. She was getting worked up over nothing- Her friends worrying over her shouldn’t be pissing her off this much! Maybe she really should just go clear her head for a little bit…
“We’ll talk about this later,” Pomni agreed, her eyes darting around to see whether Kinger was around.
“Oh, uhm, sure. At dinner, then?” Ragatha suggested.
“Sure,” Pomni sighed. “I’m… I’m gonna go look for Kinger. See you guys later.”
With that, she walked off. A lot on her mind, too many questions and too little answers. Hopefully Kinger's wisdom would provide insight… Pomni didn’t really know what to do otherwise.
><><><><><
She found Kinger in a jungle world, looking at giant exotic bugs. He motioned her to stay quiet as a big butterfly landed on a branch a little further away. Pomni crouched down next to him, watching the patterns as it slowly flapped its wings before fluttering away at a random sound elsewhere in the forest.
“That was a pretty butterfly,” Pomni hummed, making Kinger nod.
“This place is the best for observing them,” he explained happily. “I’ve spotted so many amazing specimens! But I’m sure you’re not here to talk about bugs with me, are you, Pomni?”
“No, unfortunately,” she sighed, forcing a small smile. “The others and I had a bit of an argument about…Jax.”
“Oh,” he let out. “Let's get somewhere more comfortable to talk, shall we?”
Somewhere more comfortable ended up being a gazebo by a waterfall somewhere deeper in the jungle, fully furnished and decked out for afternoon tea. Kinger poured her a cup, pouring some for himself as well before taking a muffin from the tray.
“So, tell me what happened.”
“I think Jax’ perception of time is different from ours,” Pomni started. “When I visited him today, he’d conjured a bench that wasn't there the last time, and it's pretty much impossible for him to have learned how to do that on his own, right?”
“...unless he has a very intuitive mind, and even then, yes, hm, it would still be difficult,” Kinger hummed, obviously thinking out loud. “Did you ask him about it?”
“He just said that time is weird for him and he got really defensive when I asked him about how conscious he actually is in there,” Pomni frowned, holding onto the cup without lifting it from the table, her finger trailing the edge as she stared down into the tea. “And then he…forced me out, I think? It felt different from the other times I left his mind file- when Caine just pulls me back out, you know? And my eyes…”
She took a shaky breath.
“Apparently my eyes were swirling like I was abstracting.”
Kinger’s eyes widened and he slowly put his tea down.
“And you think Jax’ outburst had something to do with that?” he asked, as if reading her mind.
“It’s the only logical explanation,” Pomni nodded. “The others saw what it did to me though and… Well, Ragatha doesn’t want me to visit him anymore in case it happens again- Which is an overreaction, really- Jax would never do that to me on purpose! If I tell him what happened and he learns to control it, he-”
“I understand,” Kinger nodded. “Jax has exhibited an extraordinary control over his own abstraction, more than we ever thought possible.”
“Thank you!” Pomni exclaimed. She knew Kinger would get it!
“But,” he added. “If it’s true that irregularities like this can cause him to…infect others with it, it could be really dangerous. Even if he’s in control now, it doesn't mean it will stay that way.”
Pomni frowned. She knew that but-”
“Look at it like this,” Kinger said, taking a knife and cutting into the muffin. “Every time you enter Jax’ mind file, it is like blindly throwing a dart at a target. The chances of you hitting it are low, but not zero. The chances of you hitting bullseye are even smaller. But the chance is still there.”
He put a piece of the muffin to his face, and Pomni watched it disappear into nothing.
“You can't know in what state Jax will be in when you enter, whether you accidentally hit the target. The target could even grow or shrink according to his mental stability, but you don’t know what it looks like if you can’t see. And if you were to accidently land a bullseye-”
“Abstraction,” Pomni breathed.
“Exactly,” Kinger told her. “Now, the chances of it are low, but knowing it’s possible, are you truly willing to take that risk? Would you let your friends take that risk?”
She frowned, staring down at her tea again while Kinger ate another piece of his muffin. She supposed he did have a point… The problem was that she couldn’t accurately estimate the risk. For all she knew, the target was super big and she’d been getting lucky and every visit from now on would only lead her closer to the bullseye. Or maybe it was a one off thing. Maybe the target was barely there at all.
Nobody knew with certainty what the target looked like, and so nobody could gauge how hard it would be hit, or in this case, miss. And was Pomni really willing to take those odds..? Maybe... But would she allow any of her friends to take such a risk, knowing they could be irreversibly changed if things went wrong..?
“The others want what’s best for you,” Kinger told her. “They don’t want to lose you.”
Pomni glanced up at him, frowning as her eyes trailed off to the waterfall.
“What… What do you think I should do?”
“It doesn't matter what I think you should do, because the choice is ultimately up to you,” Kinger said. “You need to decide for yourself what you’re willing to give, willing to sacrifice, for what you get in return. Because if you think it’s worth it, then I will not stop you.”
“So you don’t think it’s a good idea to keep going?” Pomni asked.
“I never said that,” he said. “I… I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer here, Pomni. Simply what you are willing to give, to do. You have a choice to make, and it’s not an easy one, but it does have to be made. And if you do, you’ll have to live with the possible consequences, whatever they may be.”
That wasn’t what she was hoping to hear, but she got where Kinger was coming from. Nobody could make this choice but her, after all. Pomni sighed, taking the cup and sipping from her tea. She supposed she still had some time to figure things out.
><><><><><
By the time dinner came around, Pomni had made up her mind. She wasn’t entirely happy with the decision she had to make, but she knew what had to be done. And so when Ragatha made nervous eye contact with her from across the table, Pomni explained her next steps regarding Jax.
She would visit him one last time, as a formal goodbye, to tell him she wouldn’t be returning and why. Then he could finally rest in peace, and if he were to react violently, Caine would have to send him down to the aquarium. That was the only way to move forward. The only way Pomni could let go of the past and move on. And it would be hard. It would be so, so hard to accept Jax’ abstraction all over again. To lose him a second time.
But it had to be done.
Pomni took a deep breath before she entered Jax’ blanket fort, seeing the jagged black mass was up and awake, staring at her as she moved inside. That was…different. Concerning? He was almost always sleeping now, rarely awake. The only times he was awake was when Pomni had just visited him, actually. Could he still be active because she was here earlier..?
He didn't seem aggressive though. No, he stayed still, quietly staring at her as she moved closer. There was a warbled sound when Caine entered the fort, and Pomni instinctively shushed him.
“Hey, it’s okay- It’s okay,” she said, waving with her hand to catch his attention again. “I… I’m here, okay? I’m… I’m here to talk.”
Then she touched him, and she spiraled through a weird trip of colours before landing straight into Jax’ space, already behind the door. The streetlight was dim, flickering. The bench surrounded by grass and wild growth as Jax’ head snapped around towards her.
“Pomni-” he choked out, looking panicked as he jumped over the bench. He was holding flowers. A whole bouquet of little white flowers- Daisies, she realized. “Pomni, I- I’m so sorry, I-”
He choked back a sob as he started walking towards her, the light flickering harder as he did, and every step seemed to take more and more effort on his part.
“You were right,” he continued, looking at her with pleading eyes. “You were right- You’re always right- It… It wasn’t like this at first, you have to believe me. It was just peace and nothingness and numbness and…and then you started coming by every once in a while and my mind became more active again and- and time passes so slowly here! And it’s torture! Being stuck here is the worst! And I didn’t- I didn’t want to put that all on you. Didn’t want to guilt trip you into coming more often or…or scare you off into not coming back at all because your visits are the highlight of my existence!”
He was breathing rapidly as he stepped towards her, the entire space shaking as he did so. Tears were streaming down his face as he fell down on his knees, unable to make it any further.
“I didn’t mean to kick you out,” he sobbed, clenching the bouquet with trembling hands. “Please… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry- I didn’t… I didn’t want you to… I saw…your eyes and…”
Pomni’s eyes widened from where she was rooted in place. Watching Jax break down, seeing how the world rippled around him, shaking and trembling with each breath he took. He’d seen her eyes… He knew about the near abstraction, or whatever it was. And he knew it was his fault.
She took a step forward. Then another. And another. Before she knew it, she was running towards him, falling down on her knees in front of him as she pulled him in close. He wrapped his arms around her immediately, crumbling the bouquet in his hold. The darkness around them was crumbling, and Pomni could feel the static building up inside her-
No, not yet- She couldn't leave yet- Not if this was the last time she'd ever get to talk with him again. She couldn’t let it end like this!
“Jax- Jax, please calm down. I’m here. I don’t want to leave you,” she said, holding on even tighter as he sobbed in her arms. “I… I promised the others I wouldn’t come back after this-”
“No! No, no, please-” Jax pleaded, his fingers digging into her shoulders. “Please, you can’t- Don’t abandon me, Pomni. I need you. Please, I need you.”
“I’m sorry, I promised- There’s too much risk involved, I can’t-” Pomni choked out, crying to. “I don’t want to- I don’t want to lose you again, but… But it’ll be better for you. You’ll be able to rest again. To let go and-”
“I DON’T WANT TO LET GO!” Jax roared, his form getting jagged and rough around the edges as he yelled. “I- I don’t…want you to leave me…”
The streetlight flickered harshly, the bulb changing colour constantly as Pomni felt herself being pulled away. No- No, no, no, no-
“NO! No, stay! Don’t go! Not yet! Please!” Jax called out, holding on tight. So tight that he was getting dragged further and further from the streetlight as Pomni was getting dragged to the door by some external force they couldn’t see. “I can’t- I don’t want to be alone again!”
His grip was slipping, his legs getting stuck on an invisible barrier as he was pulled down, his arms wrapped around her waist as he was getting dragged back towards the streetlight. Pomni had never actually seen him leave that spot during all the times she’d been there- Was it because he couldn’t?
Jax’ hands slipped from her waist, and Pomni quickly held onto his arms as her legs were suddenly yanked back, making her flop on her stomach, eye to eye with Jax. The desperation in his eyes- It was too much to bear. Yet Pomni’s grip was slipping, their hands sliding from arms to wrists, to handholding as they were forcefully ripped apart in the rippling void.
“Pomni,” he choked out, tears streaming from his face as he forced a smile. “If… If this is really the last time we’ll ever see each other… Please don't forget about me.”
“I won’t- I’m not letting go,” Pomni forced out, even as she felt her grip slip. “Don’t give up- Don’t give in! You said you regret it, right? Prove it to me!”
Jax barked out a strained laugh, yet Pomni could feel his soulcrushing grip on her hands.
“Always… Always so demanding, aren’t you?” he breathed. “Fine! I’ll prove it to you, you damn jester! So don’t you dare let go of me!”
“Never!” she shouted, forcing a smile through her tears as they stared at each other, taking everything in. All the little details and features, all the emotions currently swirling between them, because for all they knew, this could be the last time in their endlessly long digital lives.
Then the streetlight shattered completely, and everything went black.