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The study at the Xie residence has become the main space where the Prince Regent Xie Zheng, General Huaihua Fan Changyu, and Grand Tutor Gongsun Yin meet up for discussions. Whether it be about court politics, war strategy, or dinner plans, the trio gather around the desk until well into the night, much to the chagrin of the Grand Princess Qi Shu who often shows up and drags her husband out by the ear to make him leave for home.
That afternoon is no different. With the Northern Jue forces tearing its way into their territories, strategies require alternate strategies on top of other alternate strategies to be airtight. Nothing left to chance. No life carelessly lost.
Changyu watches Xie Zheng study the map with knitted eyebrows and prays he doesn't come home with deep wounds that require a long time to heal. No matter how many times she has witnessed his prowess in battle, seeing him injured and bleeding still sends her whole world spiraling.
"They're not attacking the areas we were expecting them to start with," Gongsun is in the middle of saying when Changyu returns to the conversation. "It may be a diversion tactic to divide our attention. Have you sent men to scout this area? Anything significant we must take note of?"
"Nothing of note," Xie Zheng dismisses the idea before offering a new angle. "This misdirection may be them trying to cut our supplies and then pushing us into a corner. With winter coming soon, a food and weapons shortage will have a big impact on our army's morale. Notice how they've split up between these two provinces? They supply our grain while they supply our iron."
Gongsun turns grim. "If that is the case, we may have to reassess our plan of attack."
"Not necessarily," Changyu chimes in before standing, causing the two men to react accordingly. They have the decency to look sheepish upon seeing her glare. She walks over to the map and points to an overlooked province. "They may be our saving grace if cutting our supplies is indeed their strategy. Perhaps you should to talk to the governor in charge for reinforcements."
Gongsun lights up with a smile. "General Huaihua, you truly live up to your legendary name."
She dismisses the compliment with a huff of laughter that sends a sudden shooting pain down to her lower back. Xie Zheng immediately turns at the sound of her sharp intake of breath and notices the hand she presses against the ache and the grimace she wears. "What's wrong?"
Her safety and wellbeing has always sat at the top of his priorities. Sending out men to discreetly guard her when she goes on quests without him. Looking out for her in a chaotic battlefield and interfering when needed. Drinking her alcohol when she starts getting too inebriated but cannot refuse the older court officials. Comforting her when the nightmares become too much to bear.
And so, when they found out that she was with child, his fierce protection only intensifies.
Both the maids and the soldiers tremble at his orders. Her food and medicine must never cool. Her room must be airy in the summer and warm in the winter. Her mattress must be firm yet still comfortable. Her pillows fluffed. Her tea hot but not scalding. Her baths tepid and therapeutic.
Walkways should be clear from anything that may cause her to trip. Weapons should not be exposed lest they cause her harm. All rooms should be free from dust that can make her sneeze. Visitors must inform the guards ahead of time and should leave before they tire her out. Physicians should check on her regularly and report to him on her health and progress.
And the staff may do everything on his impossibly long list right, but one small misstep has them bearing the infamous wrath of the Marquis of Wu'an. Changyu takes it upon herself to calm them down with a grateful smile or an encouraging word. In time, everyone, including her, gets in the rhythm of preparing for the arrival of an heir and the previously drastic changes become routine.
However, the Prince Regent's perpetual state of worry when it comes to her has yet to subside.
"I'm fine," Changyu assures him with a tender touch on his cheek, which softens the alarm in his expression. Gongsun suddenly feels as if he had walked into something private and doesn't know where to look. "Occasional aches and pains are normal when expecting. But..."
"But?" he prompts when she takes a little too long and looks ready to carry her to bed if needed.
She spares a hesitant glance at Gongsun before deciding to ignore him. "But I do have to admit," she murmurs shyly. "We may have overdid it last night. I still feel quite sore in some places."
"I told you we shouldn't have done it, especially now that you're in a delicate situation."
Gongsun clears his throat before they forget he was still there. "I apologize for speaking out of turn here," he starts as if stepping onto a live mine field. "I may tolerate your public displays of affection, but please spare me the bedroom talk before my lunch makes a reappearance."
Xie Zheng narrows his eyes while Changyu patiently explains, "We practiced sparring last night."
Her husband found her fighting with an invisible enemy and immediately confiscated the gùn in her hands before she could hurt herself. It almost led to an argument before he appeased her by offering hand-to-hand combat instead. It might very well be the hardest confrontation Xie Zheng had to endure in his life, given that not only did he need to fight but also protect his opponent as well.
Gongsun stops short at the revelation. He knows that his best friend would rather die than put his wife in danger, but he also knows that Changyu can be persuasive when she wants to be. But hand-to-hand combat while carrying the awaited heir of the most celebrated couple in all the realm may be the most reckless thing she has done.
And the general has done quite a number of reckless things in the past, one example is drugging her husband and taking his place in the army without knowing that he was the marquis leading the charge. That remains an incident forbidden to be uttered near the couple unless one has a death wish.
Gongsun sounds like Grand Tutor Tao as he admonishes her. "Fan niang zi," he sputters out her old moniker in his shock. "You can't spar while you're pregnant. That's too dangerous."
Xie Zheng looks incredibly smug as his best friend takes his side on the matter, which infuriates Changyu. "How can it be dangerous when he barely puts any weight in it?" she asks in defiance. "Besides, what else can I do for exercise? Walking has become incredibly boring, not to mention the staff has taken to breathing down my neck just to make sure that I don't trip whenever I do."
Her impassioned speech triggers the pain once again. Despite her annoyance, she still seeks the comfort of her husband, who wraps an arm around her as she turns to whimper into his chest.
"Where does it hurt?" he asks and lets her guide his hand towards the ache. "Tsk. I'm sorry."
The way Xie Zheng embraces her and massages her back gives Gongsun an idea. "Have you tried gua sha?" he offers the suggestion but misses the way the Prince Regent raises an eyebrow in interest. "My wife sometimes uses it as a remedy for pregnant women suffering from back pain. I'm sure you have a matron in your employment knowledgeable with the practice."
"No need," Xie Zheng immediately dismisses the help. "I can do it."
Even after all these years, he can still feel the phantom grip of desperation squeezing his heart during the last time he did this for his wife. He still remembers how cold and unresponsive she was, how his hands were shaking from both fear and self-doubt, and how close he was to losing her forever. That last thought makes him pull Changyu closer, which doesn't escape her notice.
It takes him a minute to shake himself out of the awful memories and to finally notice that Gongsun is looking at him funny while Changyu is curiously peering up at him through her lashes, both looking unsure if they had heard him right.
"Uh," the Grand Tutor stammers once he gathers his composure. "Well, I think it may be best if someone with experience does it for her."
"Who says I don't have experience?"
He may have successfully broken Gongsun's brain with that revelation.
As his best friend attempts to formulate a follow-up question that will both be informative and not cause physical distress for himself, Changyu tugs at his formal robes and asks in a dangerous murmur, "And where exactly did you gain this experience? I don't recall seeing soldiers in need of scraping in the army camps."
With a secretive smile, Xie Zheng playfully pinches her chin and promises, "I'll tell you later."
Jealousy dims the sparkle in her eyes and ignites a different kind of fire. "No, tell me now."
Despite finding teasing a jealous Changyu an absolute delight, being vulnerable about a past trauma is not something he wants to do in front of Gongsun. But Changyu remains persistent in her questioning, which leads him to admitting the truth, "A lady was once on the verge of death because of bandits. Gua sha was the only way to revive her from the cold that entered her body."
"And you performed the ritual yourself?" Gongsun asks, which makes Changyu jolt as if she had forgotten he's still there. Being on the receiving end of Xie Zheng shooting daggers with his eyes, he quickly follows his question with a feeble reminder. "Well, you did say you had experience."
"Out."
Gongsun hides his growing smile behind his fan. Changyu seems lost in thought before coming to her senses at the sudden disrespect. "Manners, my husband," she reminds Xie Zheng, making him scowl more while the other man begins to beam out of sheer delight. "But I do agree. Qi Shu must be expecting you soon."
"I bid you two farewell then," Gongsun bows. "But I do expect a follow-up about this on our next meeting."
The warm familiarity of Xie Zheng preparing to turn in for the night transports Changyu back to their early days in Lin'an, when the nights were long and fierce but the company was calm and comforting. He has changed into his sleeping robes and wears his hair loose. Tonight, rather than the soft expression reserved just for her, he wears the demeanor of a determined husband.
Despite his arrogance earlier about being knowledgeable in the practice, he still requested the assistance of a matron with regards to the items needed for gua sha. Beside their bed lay a wash basin and a jade tool waiting to be used. An essential oil has been mixed in with the water so the tool will glide gently on Changyu's skin, something that was missing the last time he did this.
When he sits close enough, she places her hand on his chin to get his attention. "So serious."
Xie Zheng exhales a chuckle through his nose. "Of course, I am. My wife is in pain."
Her smile softens. "Fair enough. Where do you want me?"
He carefully arranges her against him, wary of providing her more comfort than more aches. He tells her to lean on him, to which she happily obeys. He tries to replace the memories of the past with the way she sighs in satisfaction, the way she wraps her arms loosely around his waist, the way she feels warm and alive in his embrace. Her strong heartbeat grounding him in the present.
"Can I?" he asks with his hand on the delicate tie of her silk robe. She nods and allows the fabric to slide off her bare shoulders. The tension in the room rivals that of their wedding night, the one they had to play pretend for her aunt and uncle, which is odd because they have done more than this. Things that can make even him blush to think about. And yet.
He plucks the jade tool out of the water and hesitates near the base of her neck. "I'll start now. Tell me if it hurts, okay?"
"Okay," Changyu says quietly. She seems as nervous as he feels.
He tests her tolerance first. He can't remember how much pressure he was putting in the last time with his hands being driven more by fear than awareness. When she gives him the signal to press harder, he does and sees the telltale signs of gua sha through the red strokes on her skin.
He recalls how much hope it gave him, the dark red appearing underneath the unnatural white. Every grunt of pain a promise, every jolt of her body a godsend. He remembers needing more of that assurance, so much so that he had to restrain himself to following only the blind woman's instructions before he starts hurting Changyu.
He has had many demons inside his head, but none scarier than the thought of hurting her in order to wake her up. He realizes then that she may be the last leash morality has on him - like the time he immediately stopped when she said that killing the butcher wasn't worth it - so if they take her away from him, the world will have to face a lethal warrior with nothing left to lose.
Changyu suddenly jolts when he presses a particular spot before giggling, "Sorry. That tickles."
Her laughter brings him out of the abyss of his thoughts and back into their candlelit bedroom. Without the veil of memory clouding his senses, he notices everything about her with startling clarity. The hair he needs to tuck out of the way, the heat of her body pressed against his, the soft sound of pleasure she emits near his ear when he loosens a particularly stubborn ache.
He smells the fragrant oil she uses for her hair, notices her plump and glowing skin after years of being skin and bones, and startles when he feels the gentle press of her lips against his sternum.
"You're so good to me," she whispers with hooded eyes and a dreamy smile. She looks so soft and loved that he can't help but kiss her cheek then her jaw then her temple. She buries her face into the skin of his neck. "So good I've almost forgotten you've also done this for someone else."
"Who says I've done this for anyone else?" he murmurs with his lips touching the shell of her ear. When she shivers, he knows that it is not from the cold, but he still grabs the blanket and wraps it around them for good measure. She sits up to search for the truth in his eyes. "Are you warm?"
An old memory tucked away resurfaces. A warm residence filled with medicinal herbs. A blind woman checking her pulse and fever. Good thing you have such a devoted husband. A pair of Blood-Clad Cavalry soldiers guarding her safe house. A slippery trek by the cliffside. A troop of soldiers marching down the mountain. A masked man saving her from falling off the cliff.
A lady was once on the verge of death because of bandits. Gua sha was the only way to revive her from the cold that entered her body.
Good thing you have such a devoted husband.
Understanding comes with her eyes filling with tears. "It was you?"
Xie Zheng only smiles. For a fleeting moment, the blurry memory of his face replaces the one in front of her. His eyes filled with worry. His lips parted with the sound of her name. His anxiety lighted by the winter sun streaming in from the window. To witness the person you love at death's door is a terrifying thing, but to remember it all on your own is a different kind of pain.
"You must have been so frightened," she says brokenly with tears streaming down her cheeks and her hands cradling his face. Her precious husband with his devotion second to none. What could she have done in her past life to deserve him? "Why didn't you tell me? You should have -."
"Bringing it up would've only hurt you," he gently interrupts. "It's a thing of the past that has no part in our future. I promise I won't let anything like that happen again. You have my word."
They live in dangerous times. Promises like that are easily breakable in the wrong hands. But she knows him. She knows that one wrong look at her will send anyone to an early grave. She knows that he will kill anyone she wishes to be dead. She knows that he will burn the world for her.
"I promise you the same," she says, watching his eyes widen imperceptibly before softening in a loving gaze. Underneath her tender tone lies the dangerous current of General Huaihua, the one who has slain feared foes thought to be unbeatable. "I will end anyone who hurts you."
He brushes away the remnants of her tears as he murmurs affectionately, "I don't doubt it."
There is no other proper response to that other than a kiss and he welcomes it wholeheartedly. His hand slides from her shoulder down to her waist and pulls her closer. When their lips part, she gives herself time to appreciate him up close. His long lashes against skin, his nose with the cute mole on the side, the fullness of his lips red from her kiss. His eyes open and she's helpless.
"Changyu," he says her name like a prayer, with a reverence that rivals those who are religiously devoted. He says her name like it is water in the driest desert, like it is a talisman that protects him in battle, like it is his only reason for living. He says her name and she knows how much he loves her. "Kiss me."
She conveys her devotion through that kiss. She has never been good with words, so this is the only way she knows how to tell him. He has saved her more times than she can count - from the traitors in court, from the enemies in battle, and even from death itself. And she loves him so much that she still thinks about that prayer tree in Lin'an where her ribbon didn't catch his.
Fan Changyu needs Xie Zheng by her side in every lifetime.
"Did the gua sha help?" he asks afterwards as he lies on his back with her resting on top of him.
"Yes, thank you," she smiles and presses another kiss on his waiting lips. "I have chosen my husband wisely."
He raises his eyebrow. "Was there even another option?"
She pretends to think. "Well, there was Song Yan."
"The disgraced scholar?"
"And the previous emperor."
"The mad king?"
She rests her chin on her folded arms on his chest. "Is that jealousy I'm sensing, Prince Regent?"
"Says the woman who was jealous of herself earlier."
She sighs in defeat and moves to get off him. "I don't want to talk to you anymore."
He makes a sound of displeasure. "No, stay."
"Am I not crushing you?"
He deadpans, "Darling, you're tiny. That's physically impossible."
"Tell yourself that in a couple of months."
His smile reaches his eyes as he lightly grazes the side of her bump. "Is he giving you any other trouble?"
"She is very well-behaved at the moment."
He looks tickled by their conversation but remains gazing quietly up at her to the point where she asks, "What?"
"This reminds me of our first kiss."
A shy smile appears on her lips and a pretty blush stains her cheeks. "How very sentimental."
"I'm suddenly craving tangerine peel candy. Do we have some here?"
She stops him when he starts to get up. "I can do you one better."
fin