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To all members, it was just a normal live stream. A Thursday evening, all eight members together in one room. Jaeyun’s phone was propped up against a stack of cd’s, in the lack of a phonestand. Everyone was being their normal loud self, talking to each other, answering questions of Turnings. Yoonsung was having a great time, chatting away with Myungho about all kinds of different things. From dance practice to their favourite kinds of tea, it was a mixture of everything and Turnings loved it.
In between all the chaos that already ensued with the eight members together, Jaeyun kept translating questions he found in the comment section. The other, less English-skilled members, would answer the questions in Korean. Then, Jaeyun, as their forever interpreter, would translate the answers back to English. There was nothing out of the ordinary about the livestream, but suddenly, Yoonsung felt a shift in his energy. Like he was anticipating something weird to happen.
“When is the next Europe tour?” Jaeyun translates the English question to Korean. “Oh! Soon! Very soon!” Yungyu exclaims in English. Excitement is clear in his voice. “Ya! You’re not allowed to say that!” Myungho smacks Yungyu playfully, although it was a quite hard hit. “OH yea.. oops." Yungyu chuckles softly. They all know that it doesn’t matter that much, as the tour would be announced soon either way. But they were asked to keep the tour silent for as long as possible, to keep Turnings anticipating a bit longer. It was good for the sales or something, at least that is what MNH told them.
“What are the concepts of the new comeback? Vampturn?!” Jaeyun reads out loud. “What is vampturn?” he asks in Korean to his members. “Isn’t that like, vampire stuff?” Seungheon asks, clearly knowing what is going on. Seungheon knew what the fans liked, what the fans were saying about him and his members and what they wanted in terms of dances, comeback themes or other random things from the 8turn members. His undercover twitter account did wonders when it came to understanding his fans. “Oh yeah, that’s definitely vampire stuff. I’ve seen a few edits on that recently. Fans are going crazy over the last time we did something in that term.” Myungho answered, thinking back on the amount of fans he had seen go crazy over him in a black outfit with his bright red hair. “Ohhh, that would be cool, yes. But no, no vampires for you guys yet.” Jaeyun chuckles softly.
They continue to answer questions from Turnings. Evolving the live stream into a full on Q&A session. Most of the questions were funny, or genuinely interesting to answer. Some were a tad more serious, some even crossed the line. Those questions were systematically ignored by all members and these users often received time-outs or complete blocks by the staff members. “Will Yoonsung take off his long sleeves next comeback?” Seungheon reads the Korean comment out loud.
Immediately all seven members look into Yoonsung's direction. An awkward chuckle leaves his mouth. "Uhmmm… I will think about it?” He answers cautiously. Yoonsung knew he would think about it, but not in a positive kind of way. No, he would think about it in a spiral way. Bad thoughts.
Yoonsung had his reasons for wearing long sleeves on stage or whenever they were filming content for Turnings. He had never felt the most confident in his skin and wearing long sleeves, covering everything up, yes that was something that did help boosting the little confidence he (sometimes) had. It was his safe space, something he could wear and be sure nothing would be exposed to Turnings or to his members.
Yoonsung expected everyone to just let go of it. They all knew he wasn’t the most confident. They had already discussed previously that he would tell their stylists personally once he was ready to show more skin to the fans. That was the deal they all settled on, and that was that. Nothing more to discuss… right? “Dude, you’ve been hiding your muscles for years now from the fans, are you playing hard to get or something?” Haemin jokes, playfully pushing against Yoonsung's shoulder. Yoonsung let out a forced chuckle. The smile that was plastered on his face was fake by now. Smiling through the pain, the angst and the discomfort. His binder suddenly felt tighter than it did before and all Yoonsung wanted right now was to get up and run away. Disappear from screen, just to take a few deep breaths and calm himself before returning. But he couldn’t and so he tried to calm himself without drawing attention. Slowly sliding back to the group, hiding behind his favourite member, Myungho. The only one who knew his deep secret.
Yoonsung had never planned for Myungho to find out about the fact that he is transgender. It was something he had sworn to MNH to keep silent for the rest of his career. To Turnings, to his members, to the whole world. But one night, as Yoonsung was laying on top of his sheets, no t-shirt on, not even a binder on. Just his bare skin on full display for the whole world (his empty room) to see. He was letting the rashes that had come up by wearing his binder for way too long, dry. Yoonsung was a hundred percent sure that he had locked his door. The members were known for barging into each other's room, without any notice beforehand. That had already led to many weird moments. From Seungheon and Yungyu making out with each other (this was a one time thing as they said) to Haemin jerking off to one of their elder groups (Yoonsung thought it was one of the Ateez members, but he wasn’t completely sure about that) they were used to it all by now. So locking his door was absolutely necessary. That hundred percent certainty however, was quickly reduced to zero percent when Myungho barged into the room. He was questioning whether he could use Yoonsung’s camera to take some pictures during his walk. Safe to say that Myungho’s walk never happened and that they had a good conversation that night. And so, despite the promise Yoonsung had made to MNH, Myungho knew about his biggest secret.
Back at the livestream, Myungho was making sure that the members would not ask any further (or at least not on camera). So Myungho quickly leaned into the phone to find a new question. “What city do you guys really want to visit on your next tour?” He reads, voice a tad louder than usual to make sure that the members attention would turn to him instead of the younger, blonde member. “Ohhh I would love to visit Copenhagen. I heard it’s very pretty there.” Yoonsung says in a more toned down voice. The comment had taken him a bit back, but he wanted to make sure that there wouldn't be any more speculations. He knew that by staying silent after such a comment, speculation would arise. So speaking up, joining the ongoing conversation was the best thing to do. “Is that the place with that mermaid statue thingie?” Kyungmin asks. Yoonsung looks up and nods “Yes, that one! You told me yesterday you also wanted to go there. To see the mermaid.” Kyungmin nods “Right, I would love to see the mermaid. So yes, Copenhagen for me too.”
For over an hour in total, the eight boys were on stream, talking to their fans and to each other. Yoonsung was pretty sure that the guys would’ve forgotten about that comment by now. But soon after Jaeyun turned off the live stream, the topic was raised again.
“Hey Sung, genuine question huh. Why do you never show your arms to the fans? Like we’ve seen them, and those muscles are nothing to be ashamed of. Hell, they are twice as big as mine!” Yungyu asks the older one. The members who were getting up and walking away all halted. Each one of them was interested in the answer that would come. “Hmm, I guess I’m just not that comfortable with them seeing it? I like my arms covered, it’s just… just nice for me.” Yoonsung answers cautiously.
Yoonsung hoped that with that answer, the members would let go of it. “That’s weird, like, this is no hate towards you huh, but it’s just genuinely weird.” Yungyu said. “I agree,” Haemin stated, “I just don’t get what is so uncomfortable about sharing your arms. You don’t immediately have to wear complete sleeveless shirts, but a t-shirt? That’s the most normal thing ever.” Yoonsung sighed softly, but before he could speak up, the next member already started talking. “Or are you hiding something from the fans? Like a tattoo?!” Kyungmin exclaimed. “OHhh, that could be true! But on his shoulder then, because we’ve never seen it either.” “Or like a huge ass scar? That would be so badass.” One of the two maknae’s exclaimed. Yoonsung was already too far gone into his thoughts to understand who was saying what, and what it entailed.
Myungho noticed the energy change quickly and helped the blonde towards their van, as they were already preparing to leave the company anyway. Stepping inside together, they moved to the back of the van, Yoonsung on the side of the windows, shielded from everyone. Myungho left him and his thoughts together, but not alone. Never alone. Myungho was there, the silent help Yoonsung needed at that moment.
For some reason, the six other members loved talking about the subject of Yoonsung and his long sleeves. It was as if that one comment had opened a whole new world to them that they had to explore right away. The whole ride back home, the members couldn't stop discussing what he could be hiding. Both him and Myungho were silent, the whole ride. Myungho had put his hand on Yoonsung’s thigh, to give him some sort of comfort. Most of the time, it was helpful for Yoonsung. To have someone gently touch him, as a reminder that he was not alone, not even in times like this. Yoonsung however had moved the hand away immediately. He didn’t want anyone to touch him, he felt disgusting, on the in- and outside of his skin.
The binder he had put on that morning clung to his skin. Drenched in sweat, which only increased the disgusting feeling that had crept up on Yoonsung’s body. The binder felt tighter than ever before and Yoonsung couldn’t wait to take it off. To let his skin breath fresh air. Maybe, if he could let everything breathe for a whole night, the rashes would go away by tomorrow morning. Maybe his skin, and his lungs, would like him again in the morning. Not only did he want to let his skin breathe. Yoonsung also needed space to mentally breathe. To be alone so he could gather his thoughts. To find himself back on earth, instead of this weird kind of space he was finding himself in right now.
As soon as the van stops in front of their dorm, the members pile out of the van. “Who’s coming to do groceries with me?” Jaeyun asks. Normally Yoonsung would always go with their leader. He liked grocery shopping, or at least he liked the cool air that hung in the supermarket. But today he immediately went up to his room. He didn’t even hear if anyone volunteered to come with Jaeyun. Yoonsung couldn’t care less. His binder started to annoy him, even more than it already did. He could feel it dig into the muscles on his tense shoulders. Knew that it had already drawn straight lines across his back, where the seam had been digging into the flesh. He had found his hand clawing at his collarbone a tad too often in the past fifteen minutes. Trying to relieve his muscles from the tight garment he wore, trying to make it all feel a little less tight. It didn’t help, of course it didn’t.
The door of his room fell shut behind him. Yoonsung turned around, locked the door. Checked a second time if it was locked and a third and only then he was sure that it was locked. His shirt was on the ground five seconds later. He grabbed the seam of his binder with both hands, left hand on the right side and vice versa. He pulled the tight garment up, over his head. The feeling of his boobs being relieved had never felt so good. The binder was still damp from the sweat, his back was drenched. He couldn’t bother to take a shower. That would mean he had to put the binder back on, leave his room, walk all the way to the bathroom (which was two doors down the hallway) and then take it off again. It sounded like way too much work. It was always these moments that he was happy he had a sink in his room. A wet towel would do the job for now. A shower would come later, maybe tonight, more likely tomorrow.
After cleaning himself a bit with a wet towel and putting on a loose shirt, he finally laid down in bed. Yoonsung was tired, exhausted. The whole ordeal of that day, it had gotten to him. But sleep didn’t come. First he thought it was because he was thirsty. So he had gotten some water and chucked that down. But it wasn’t the thirst. Then he put on some asmr, which usually helped him to fall asleep. Yet, sleep didn’t come. He kept tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable in his bed. But the thoughts kept gnawing at him, never letting him breathe for a second.
And so, he finally texted Myungho at eleven in the evening. It was just a simple text, asking if the older could come over. Not even three minutes later, Myungho knocked at Yoonsung’s door. Yoonsung unlocked the door and immediately walked back to his bed, sitting down on top of the sheets. After coming in, Myungho locked the door again, making sure that their conversation stayed private.
“So is it either Haemin or Yungyu that I need to hit?” Myungho asks to lighten the mood a little bit. Yoonsung chuckles softly, the first one in a few hours. “Neither, it’s not their fault.” He says looking at Myungho, who is now shaking his head. “They kept coming back to it, Yoon. That’s not nice of them.” Yoonsung knew that Myungho was right, but it didn’t feel right to him to blame his members for something they didn’t know. “I know but… I just don’t feel like it is fair to blame them. I even get them. I mean isn’t it weird that I keep wearing long sleeves?” Myungho shook his head. “No, it’s not weird. Look at Jongho from Ateez, he does that too right? And that is also seen as normal. You are protecting your space Yoon.” Yoonsung sighed deeply and nodded. “Right… you are so right… it just feels wrong.” “What feels wrong?”
That was a question Yoonsung had been thinking about a lot recently. “I think… I think it feels wrong that they don’t know. Definitely now with the surgery coming up. It just feels wrong to go into surgery, something that is so big to me, without my closest friends knowing. It feels wrong that I am lying to them about a holiday I’m not going on…” Myungho nodded, understanding why the younger felt like this. “Would you… want to tell them?” Myungho made sure to ask for it carefully. He didn’t want to make Yoonsung feel like Myungho was forcing him. Even though Myungho would love to see Yoonsung take that step. He was pretty sure it would even give him a confidence boost. He was so sure that all the members would call Yoonsung the most handsome bot they had ever seen, and that for the first time, Yoonsung would know that they saw the true him.
“Yea… but not before I tell Jaeyun. I don’t know, but I feel like I want another member to know first before I tell the big group,” Yoonsung looked up at Myungho, “that is normal right?” Myungho nodded. “I understand where you are coming from. I even think it is the right decision to do it like that, have some more backup shoulders to lean on in the supreme moment. But why Jaeyun? What made you decide to tell Jaeyun first?” Myungho was genuinely interested in the choice Yoonsung had made, seeing that it was clear to everyone that he was closer to Haemin than to Jaeyun.
“I think because Jaeyun has seen this more often. He once told me about a transgender classmate he had. He knows a bit more about it. And he is the leader, I feel like that should be a reason too.” Myungho hummed softly. “And why not Haemin?” Yoonsung shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m too scared to tell Haemin?”
“Why? Sorry if I’m asking too many questions, but I just want that you are not regretting your decision later on… just making sure that you thought about everything.” A chuckle, another one. “Uhm, I honestly think that Haemin will get mad first. Not for a long, long time and not because he doesn’t accept it. But pure out of shock. And I don’t want to be alone with him when that happens.” “Would you want to be alone when you tell Jaeyun?” Yoonsung nods. “Yes. That would be the best. I could explain everything carefully, also the more boring bureaucratic stuff. Like the rules I made with MNH etcetera. And I trust Jaeyun, I’m like ninety-nine percent sure that he will react positively.” Myungho nodded. “He definitely will, but think about it, okay? Just think once again about telling Haemin separately. I know that he would really appreciate that.” Myungho said as he slowly got up from the bed. They both knew that the conversation that needed to happen had taken place, and that it was time for them to go to sleep. “I will, thank you so much Myung. I really appreciate it.” Yoonsung said, looking at the older man. “Of course, always and forever. Goodnight Yoonie.” “Goodnight Myung.” They said to each other, before Myungho closed the door behind him.
Yoonsung finally felt a lot calmer. Myungho was somewhere right. He had to think once again about telling Haemin separately too. But that was for tomorrow, or the day after that. Or even later.
It took Yoonsung another three days before finally finding the courage to pull Jaeyun aside after dance practice. “Can we like uh, talk?” Yoonsung asked Jaeyun, eyes avoiding any contact with the leader. "Yes, of course. Is everything alright?” Jaeyun’s voice was filled with concern. He saw that the younger was incredibly nervous, his left hand constantly scratching his right collarbone. Yoonsung's tic when he was nervous or uncomfortable. “Mmhmm. Yeah, yeah, everything alright. I just, I need to talk to you.” Yoonsung said quickly, clearly nervous. “Okay, let’s go find a room shall we? So we can talk in private.” Jaeyun said as he picked up his bag from the floor. “We will come home later, you guys can go ahead.” He announced it before Yoonsung and he walked out of the room. Myungho had smiled at Yoonsung, telling him in that way that it would be alright. Yoonsung knew it was going to be alright, in the end it was only Jaeyun he was talking to. Their most progressive, leftist member in the group. The boy who had experienced so many things which they, as Koreans, had never experienced. Jaeyun was the one who grew up in a country which was so much further when it came to lgbtq+ rights that Yoonsung was sure it would all turn out to be alright. That didn’t give his nerves a reason to calm though, not at all.
They both each sat down on one side of the table. Jaeyun smiled softly. “What’s up? Is there anything I can help you with? Something that I need to know? Is it still because of the livestream a few days ago? Do I need to talk to the other members about it?” Jaeyun kept rambling, while Yoonsung shook his head. “No, no, no. It’s not about that. I just had to hand over the copy of my passport for the Europe tour… that’s all.” “That’s all? You know you could’ve just done that with everyone around, right?” Jaeyun was clearly confused. “It’s a bit more complicated than that…”
Last time they went on tour, Yoonsung had made sure that Jaeyun wouldn't get a copy of his passport. He handed it over to the staff members who were organizing the tour personally, while the rest of the group gave it to Jaeyun. He had made up a lie that time that he thought they had to hand it in on their own. This time, he saw that specific moment as the perfect opportunity.
“I’m sure it is not that complicated, right? Second names, hell even third names, we are used to that. Passports from other countries… so what is it?” Yoonsung hesitated a second. He could still back down. Then he grabbed the a4 paper with his passport on it and put it down on the table, sliding it towards Jaeyun. His old name and gender are on display for Jaeyun now. “Okay? A passport, a normal passport.” Jaeyun said, still confused about the situation. “Look closely…” Yoonsung said, tone more towards a whisper now.
It took Jaeyun a whole five seconds before he realized what was going on. “Cho Yoonhee.” He spoke softly. “You… wow.” Yoonsung just nodded softly, not wanting to speak before Jaeyun did. He wanted to make sure that he gave Jaeyun the time and space that he needed. “So… uhm, like okay, yes that’s cool. I’m not mad, I’m just, wow, confused?” Jaeyun laughed to himself. “Not confused, but like. I didn’t expect this. Like, you understand what I mean?” Jaeyun didn’t know how to hold himself. This news was unexpected to him. He was not mad, or disappointed but just, taken a bit back. “Mhm, I understand you. I uhm gosh, yes.”
Yoonsung took a deep breath before he continued talking. He had to ground himself too. His fingers were shaking and it felt like his voice was doing the same. “You know that holiday I’m going on?” Jaeyun hummed. “I’m not going on holiday, I’m getting top-surgery.” Jaeyun looked Yoonsung up and down. “You’ve danced in binders all that time?” He asked, rather concerned. “You know how bad that is, right? Please tell me you didn’t do that.” Yoonsung remained silent. “God Sung. That’s not good. You need to change that, immediately. I don’t want you to be hurt. I don’t care that it is just, what is it, six weeks left. You’re not going to do that anymore.” “We’ll see… Myungho has tried to get me to stop doing that so many times too.”
“Myungho knows?!” Jaeyun seemed more offended by the fact that another member had known before him, than the whole fact that Yoonsung kept the secret for so long. “Uhh yeah, but that’s a story for later.” Yoonsung had already planned to use that story in his presentation to the other members. “Okay, okay. For how long has he known?” Myungho shrugs. “A couple of months? I don’t know exactly. I will look it up. You will hear it during presentation night Friday evening.” “Are you telling everyone Friday night?” Yoonsung nods. “Well almost everyone. I’m going to tell Haemin tonight too. When we get ice cream.” “Good, I think Haemin will indeed really appreciate it if you tell him beforehand. You got this Sung. I’m proud of you.” “Thank you Jae, that really means a lot to me.”.
That same evening, Yoonsung asked Haemin whether he wanted to get ice cream with him. Haemin being Haemin, he of course said yes. “You’re being awfully quiet Yoon.” Haemin spoke to him as they were walking towards the ice cream shop. “Mmm.” Yoonsung just hummed, deep in his thoughts. He hadn’t decided on how to exactly tell Haemin, but he knew that he wanted it to be something casual, something that he could turn into a joke if it was needed. “Do I need to worry about something?” Haemin asked again. Yoonsung shook his head. “No. No, don't worry. I’m just tired I think. In for some good ice cream and then my bed.” Haemin nodded. “Well let’s do that then. Ice cream and then heading to bed. I might actually follow you with that.”
That was all the conversation they made before they arrived at the ice cream shop. “Hi, can I uhh get a cup with strawberry and uhm, yoghurt?” Haemin asked the girl behind the corner. Yoonsung smiled. He now knew how he was going to tell Haemin. “And uhm can I get one mango and one uhm, cheesecake please.”
After they paid, they sat down on the bench on the other side of the street together. For a while they ate in silence, both just enjoying each other’s presence and the taste of cold, fresh ice cream flavors on their tongue’s. “How’s yours?” Haemin asked Yoonsung after both of them had taken a few bites. “Good, it’s really good. But I think I should’ve gotten the strawberry flavor. That’s a good choice. I always got that back when I was a girl. Because it is pink, you know.” Yoonsung made sure to put a light emphasis on the word girl. Haemin coughed and looked confused at Yoonsung. “You what? Say that again please.” Yoonsung looked back at Haemin. “I always got that when I was a girl. Because it is pink, and I thought that I needed to have everything pink in order to fit in. Because you know, pink is a girly color, or at least it is seen as a girly color. So I thought I needed that to-” “Yes, yes I get it.” Haemin interrupted Yoonsung. “But rewind. When you were a girl? What does that mean?”
The tone of Haemin’s voice wasn’t exactly what you would call soft. It was definitely more on the harsher, pointy side. “Like I said…? When I was a girl?” Yoonsung said it, as if it was the most casual thing to tell his best friend. He tried his best to stay calm, to not burst out in tears right there and then. He had to stay calm, because Haemin was definitely not staying calm. “What the fuck… you just dropped that? So casual? Seriously? You are fucking crazy.” Haemin’s voice grew louder.
That was the moment Yoonsung regretted starting this journey. Regretted that he had finally decided on telling everyone. “Min, we are in public. Please calm down.” Yoonsung tried to calm Haemin by grabbing his hand. “Don’t touch me. Leave me alone for a bit. Go home Yoon. We will talk later.” Haemin spat at Yoonsung. “I.. okay… please come by my room later.” Yoonsung said as he got up from the bench. “Please don’t do anything stupid Hae.” Yoonsung mumbled as he turned away from his best friend.
Not even three steps further and the tears started to flow. Five steps further, a hand grabbed him. Yoonsung, wanting to ignore it, tried to pull his hand loose. “Yoon… wait.” It was Haemin. How quick could someone’s mood change? If you’d ask Jung Haemin the answer would be thirty seconds. “You asked me to leave you alone, so I’m doing that.” Yoonsung said, pain clear in his voice. “Please don’t… let’s talk about this.”
Yoonsung gave in. Of course he gave in. He wanted to make it right, to talk about who he was. To help Haemin understand him. To answer all the questions he had. They sat back on the bench, hands empty now. “When did you know? That you are… were… transgender?” Haemin looked at Yoonsung. That slight fury that had captured his eyes a minute earlier had been replaced by softness now. “I was like fifteen when I found out what this feeling exactly was, but like I have known that I was different from normal girls ever since I was what, seven? Eight years old? Something like that.” Haemin nodded softly. “That’s… a long time. Damm. What… Why did you hide it?” “Two reasons. One because I’m absolutely not confident about who I am. Two, because MNH made me agree to that.”
Haemin couldn’t understand that someone like Yoonsung was not confident. To him, Yoonsung was the prettiest boy he had ever met. The soft eyes, the round lips, it was all perfect in Haemins eyes. “When do you feel the most confident? Are there moments you do?” Yoonsung laughed softly. “Of course, there are enough moments where I feel some confidence. For example, when I’m hanging out with you all. Having my friends around me, having seven boys around me who see me completely as one of them. That sparks my confidence the most.” Haemin smiled softly. “Cute… that’s cute.”
That night, Yoonsung felt light in his head. A good type of light, like everything just got a tad easier now that the first three members knew. They all reacted so well, and that gave him all the confidence for the last round. Four members in one go. Seungheon, Yungyu, Kyungmin and Minho. Friday evening, 8turn hang out evening. With this time, presentation night. Each one of them would give a short presentation on their special interest or something else they liked. For example, Myungho’s presentation would probably be about Taekwondo and Kyungmin’s about &team, the group he had almost joined. For Yoonsung, it was the perfect opportunity to make a presentation about being transgender.
Friday evening came a lot quicker than he had anticipated. With the previous days being filled with dance practice and photoshoots for the upcoming magazine cover they were doing, the days flew by.
Yoonsung decided to present as the last one. He didn’t want to ruin anyone else’s presentation, didn’t want to take all the attention up for the rest of the night. Chosen topics were wild and sometimes unexpected. Seungheon presented about some weird animal called a puffin. It was absolutely an adorable animal, so Yoonsung understood the topic that was chosen. Minho, unexpectedly, presented about eggplants, mainly focusing on why he hated them. The night was filled with laughter, stupid questions and even more stupid answers.
Seven presentations later it was Yoonsung's turn. The three members that knew what he was about to do sent him a thumbs up and a bunch of smiles. What could be seen as just an encouragement for the last member, meant so much more to Yoonsung. He took a deep breath while looking around the room. Meeting eyes with Myungho, the one who had known the longest. “You’ve got this!” Myungho whisper-yelled to Yoonsung. The blonde nodded. He indeed got this.
Yoonsung pressed space, the blank front page jumped to the second page. The title page of his presentation.
A presentation on how Myungho on accident found out that I am transgender
The room fell silent. Yoonsung could hear his heart beating in his throat. He looked around, avoiding any eye contact.
“Oh my god! That’s why you wear long sleeves!” Yungyu exclaimed, breaking the painful silence. Everyone, including Yoonsung, broke out in laughter. Yoonsung pressed the spacebar again.
Yes. I indeed wear long sleeves to hide my binder. Good job Yungyu.
Yoonsung had predicted it. He knew his members a tad too well. “How’d you know I would say that?!” Yungyu shouted, even louder this time. “I had a hunch you will connect the dots very quickly.” Yoonsung laughed, accepting the hug Yungyu initiated at the same time. “Wow, congrats on being a dude man.” Minho said, patting Yoonsung’s shoulder. Yoonsung couldn’t stop giggling. Loving how casual everyone was reacting, like they had known for years and he was just telling them a stupid fun fact about himself.
The commotion stayed for a few minutes longer. Everyone congratulated Yoonsung, even everyone who had already known. Yoonsung felt welcomed. He felt confident. He was one of them.
“So, are you still going to tell the story or what?” Jaeyun asked after everyone sat back down. Both Yoonsung and Myungho started laughing loudly, knowing how dumb the story was. “Of course I will, that is the whole topic of the presentation.”
While presenting, Yoonsung felt happier than ever before. He felt free and light. He felt
content. With his life, with his friends and with the steps he was taking. The boys kept laughing at Myungho, for how stupid he was when he found out. Then they kept asking questions to Yoonsung. Always making sure that they were not crossing lines. Constantly reminding Yoonsung that if he didn’t want to answer, he didn’t have to. It felt safe and comforting. And above all, it felt like home.