Chapter Text
"Morgan."
She didn't respond.
"MORGAN!"
Slowly, she looked up, dragged right back into the moment. Soto, right. Morgan's eyes remained unfocused as she attempted to take the lieutenant in.
She'd seen a lot of things in her time with the LAPD so far, but few had been as traumatic as the night that had just transpired.
God, why couldn't she have stayed at Ava's art show?
Seeing a person almost bleed out was one of those things that would replay in her brain for a really long time. It would have a lasting impression on anyone, but with a mind like Morgan's, she'd be hard pressed to forget.
Realising why he'd lied to her wasn't really going to help matters either.
If it weren't for her HPI, Morgan might have been foolish enough to believe that Nick Wagner had lied to protect her. The reality was that he'd lied to ensure he got there first.
As if all of the blood and the fear someone was about to die in her arms wasn't bad enough, she had to contend with the fact she'd been enough of an idiot to let a man like that kiss her. Her intellect was usually the one thing she could always pride herself on. Not this time.
“Sorry," Morgan finally said, blinking until Soto became clear in front of her. "What’d you say?”
Selena gave her a look, one that mostly suggested concern. “Karadec’s on his way.”
God, Karadec. He’d already been so broken about Lucia, he didn’t need this on top of all of that.
“He shouldn’t-“ she started, but Soto was quick to jump in.
“Morgan. I said the same thing, but he wants to. Maybe the distraction will do him good.”
Right, of course. Married to his job Adam Karadec, that was the version that would be returning now his heart had been shattered. Since he'd reunited with Lucia, he'd been less of a police robot. Quicker to make jokes, not such a stickler for the rules or being on time. Now? He'd probably change back.
She inhaled a sharp, shaky breath, looking down at her hands. She’d scrubbed most of the blood off, but she could still see traces. It clung under her fingernails, a remnant of a horror she wished she could scrub from her mind too.
Every single part of this was her fault. She’d asked Selena to look into Roman’s disappearance. She’d gotten more people involved. She’d let herself trust Wagner. Morgan truly believed she was entirely responsible, and no amount of logic was going to change her mind.
Their almost kiss had replayed in her mind like a piece of unfinished business. Now, their actual kiss was coming back to haunt her like some sort of waking nightmare.
He was her boss, her superior. Things never would have progressed any further anyway…but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that she’d let her guard down, she'd let herself trust someone she really shouldn't have trusted.
No wonder relationships never worked for her, she sure knew how to pick ‘em.
Shaking the thought off, she looked at Selena, a thousand questions forming in her brain all at once. “What’s the plan? Are we looking into what Wagner was do-“
“Morgan,” Soto’s tone was unreadable as she cut her off, but there was something about it she definitely didn’t like. “Right now, our priority is finding out who stabbed the Captain.”
Her stomach dropped.
Selena continued before any of the ‘buts’ could make it out of her mouth. “We can’t do anything else without proof. Even if he makes it out of surgery, do you really think he’ll admit to working with Willa Quinn and his father?”
The short answer was no, of course he wouldn't. The longer answer was that, for once, Morgan felt completely out of her depth, and didn't even know where to begin.
Before either of the women could say anything more, she became vaguely aware of a figure walking along the corridor, stopping behind Selena.
Karadec.
Whatever 'things' he'd had to take care of had clearly been put on the backburner, though he looked just as broken as he had back at her house.
They'd both let their guards down, and trusted people they shouldn't. Perhaps they weren't actually as different as they'd always seemed on the surface.
The drive to the precinct was silent at first. Morgan felt his eyes on her on more than one occasion, but he focused back on the road without word every single time.
I know your silences, Morgan, he'd told her not all too long ago, and she knew he was reading her like a book even now. There was so much on his mind, but she could tell she was taking up a big part of it.
Karadec was the only person who could read her in such a way, the person who allowed her to be vulnerable in a way that didn't feel completely terrifying. It probably should have felt scary, but convincing herself it didn't have a deeper meaning helped. It was a perfectly normal way for work partners to act, thank you very much.
It was so easy to pretend none of it meant a thing.
The jealousy that swirled in her gut when she saw him with Lucia? There was no deeper meaning. She was worried he'd have less time to focus on work, that was all.
She told herself that lie so often, she almost believed it.
And then there was Nick.
Infuriating asshole who'd undermined her every chance he got. He'd tried to get her fired, frustrated her to no end, and she'd begrudged Soto not getting the Captain's gig almost daily.
Then he'd tried to kiss her.
The first time, she'd put a stop to it, known he was drunk and not given in. The second time? After witnessing Karadec and Lucia in the bullpen? Loneliness could be a powerful aphrodisiac.
Relationships had never worked out for her, and she'd accepted a long time ago that they probably never would. Still, she'd let her guard down with him. She'd still given in and kissed him, knowing they'd have to see each other every day at work.
Morgan squeezed her eyes shut, and was met with flashes. Wagner kissing her in the elevator. Blood everywhere, as her eyes honed in on his stab wound. The moment she'd realised he'd been playing her all along.
"You couldn't have known," Karadec said suddenly, causing her eyes to slowly blink open and look over at him.
"You warned me," she countered. "I should have listened to you."
They'd come to a stop at a traffic light, the red allowing him to look properly over at Morgan for the first time. "The same way I listened to you about Lucia?"
Fair point. Still, she wasn't ready to concede that easily.
"You trusted Lucia because you loved her, because you'd known her for years, and had no reason to doubt her. I trusted Wagner because, what, he told me to?”
It wasn’t as bad for her as it was for him, she told herself. She wasn’t in love and planning on building a life with someone, but if anything, that had her feeling even more stupid. He had plenty of reasons to trust Lucia, Wagner hadn't actually given her a single reason to trust him.
Karadec wanted to return the favour of earlier, wanted to hold her in his arms for as long as she needed, and make sure she knew she wasn’t dealing with this alone.
Instead, the light turned green, and he was forced to focus on the road once again.
“I know you, Morgan,” he reminded her. “And I know you’re going to keep beating yourself up over this, but you don’t need to. Nothing happ-“
“We kissed.”
It took a lot of self control for him not to slam his foot on the break when she blurted that out.
Oh.
Karedec’s mouth was suddenly painfully dry, and he refused to try and pinpoint why that was. He was worried about her, that was all.
Just like he'd been worried when he'd heard about her and Rhys. He cared. It didn't mean a thing.
“Oh. Right. You…and Wagner…you…”
Morgan groaned, tipping her head back against the car headrest. This definitely wasn't how she wanted to tell him. Hell, she didn't particularly want to tell him at all.
"He kissed me," she attempted to explain, though she doubted if he even cared who had kissed who. "I wasn't really sure what I wanted, but it had been a long day, so I just..."
Silence followed. She didn't need to finish the sentence, and he really didn't want her to. He could fill in enough of the blanks on his own.
As soon as they arrived at the precinct, they could both throw themselves into the case, and bury all of this deep, deep down. Morgan swore the drive from the hospital to the police station had never been this long before.
Realistically, at this hour, they could both do with going to bed, but there was a slim chance of either one of them sleeping. That was likely why Soto had been so quick to suggest they cracked on with the case - she knew them almost as well as they knew each other.
Finally, after what felt like a lifetime (but realistically couldn't have been more than a minute, if that), Karadec spoke again: "This isn't your fault, Morgan. We'll figure it out."
When eventually they pulled into the almost empty parking lot, they were both unbuckling their seatbelts before he'd so much as killed the engine.
The ride up to the bullpen was just as silent as the car ride had initially been, though it didn't feel awkward. Maybe it should have, as the elevator now contained a memory she didn't particularly want, but she buried it.
The weirdest part for Morgan was stepping into the empty bullpen. Karadec had done this countless times before, but her late nights were usually at home obsessing over case details, aside from the one all nighter they'd pulled in his apartment.
A sigh left her lips as she made her way towards his desk, dropping into the chair before he could. He raised an eyebrow at her, but said nothing.
It was Morgan who eventually spoke up, filling the silence.
"I know Soto wants us to look into the stabbing, but..." she trailed off.
If he really knew her silences that well, hopefully he would understand this one. Of course, he did.
"But you want to look into the connection between Roman and Wagner," Karadec finished for her.
His suspicion had been piqued time and time again, but he'd really hoped it meant nothing. He'd never trusted the guy, but this...
"I don't know where to start," Morgan admitted, pulling Karadec from his thoughts. "He's not gonna have left any kind of a paper trail, he’s not stupid. I still have the flash drive with all of Willa and Wagner Snr’s correspondence…but it’s probably worthless. Nick helped me with that. He wouldn’t have done anything that would risk his part in all of this.”
Maybe looking into it was stupid. Had he even done anything that they could catch him out on? He clearly wasn't on their side, but that didn't mean he'd broken any laws. Yet.
Despite Morgan being the one with the high intellect, Karadec felt as if his brain was moving faster than ever, almost like it was trying to keep up with hers.
“So, maybe we don’t go off book just yet,” he suggested. Since Morgan had started consulting, she’d managed to get him to go off book more times than he could count. She’d been rubbing off on him since their very first case. Perhaps this time, he needed to rein her in just a little. “We do as Soto asked, look into the stabbing…and we work backwards. If we find out who did this…”
“…we might be able to ask them why the Wagners want information on Roman,” she finished for him.
Of course, that meant the next logical step was making their way to Rancho Park, something which made Morgan’s gut twist uncomfortably.
Her eyes closed for a second and, despite what she’d learnt about him, she could only picture the Nick she’d been faced with when she’d arrived at the park. Pale, bloodied, barely holding onto life. Seeing a person in that state was traumatising regardless of who they were.
“Morgan,” Karadec began, and for the thousandth time since she’d met him, it felt like he was reading her mind. “If you’re not ready to go there tonight, we can regroup in the morning. Head home, get some sleep…”
She was shaking her head before he’d even finished. The kids would have already had a thousand questions for Ludo before they went to bed, a few more hours wouldn’t make much difference now.
“No, no, I’m fine. We should go as soon as possible.” A pause. “Unless you need to go home. I know today’s been hard for you…”
Karadec offered her his hand, and without even thinking twice she took it, using his support to stand up.
“Today’s been hard for you too,” he pointed out, pulling her body in flush against his.
The first time they’d hugged had been during her panic attack. He'd wrapped his arms tightly around her to support her when she'd needed him the most. The second time, she’d been the one supporting him, proving exactly what he’d told her before – when that time comes, out of all the people in my life, you will know exactly what to do.
This hug? They both needed it.
Karadec’s arms wrapped tightly around her frame, and Morgan buried her face against his shoulder without so much as thinking twice. Their bodies seemed to melt together, and Morgan found herself wishing she didn’t ever have to let go. She could feel his hand rubbing slow circles against her back, and it grounded her.
Neither one of them wanted to be the first to pull away, but eventually, Karadec forced himself to be the first one to break the moment.
"We should get going."
Neither one of them commented on their hands still being joined as they headed out.
Given the hour, it was still dark. Light from Karadec's torch shone on a few of the picnic benches, a pool of blood almost seeming to glisten.
Having seen plenty of crime scenes, Morgan wasn't exactly squeamish, but she felt her stomach twist into knots, momentarily worried she was about to empty the contents of her stomach. Luckily, she was able to swallow the urge down.
It wasn’t the blood, it was knowing whose blood it was; knowing it was there because of her.
Roman Sinquerra’s case had been cold. He’d gone missing in 2010, and nobody other than Morgan (and eventually Ava) had ever thought twice about it.
One of the first things Morgan and Roman had bonded over was their crappy relationships with their parents. She’d never even met his parents, had no idea if they even knew he’d vanished without trace.
She and Ava were the only people on the planet who cared where he was.
Well, aside from Willa Quinn and Nick Wagners Snr and Jr, apparently.
“What if it was him?” Morgan said suddenly, her head snapping up to look at Karadec.
He was crouched near the picnic bench she’d found Wagner on, shining the torch underneath it. He turned to face her, a thoughtful expression on his face.
“I can read you pretty well, Morgan, but I’m not actually a mind reader. What if it was-“ Karadec cut himself off, realisation dawning on him. “Oh. You think Roman stabbed Wagner?”
Despite all the time that had passed, she refused to think of him as a bad guy. She’d completely rejected the notion of him being a murderer, and she wanted to reject this too. He was Ava’s father, she refused to accept the man who’d been so excited to be a dad all those years ago could possibly have it in him to hurt somebody. But…
“I don’t know! I don’t want to believe he’s capable of doing something like that,” she admitted. “But who else would do this? Is whatever happened to Roman really that bad that it’s got so many players involved? He wasn’t a criminal, Karadec! He was just a tagger. And a father – he wouldn’t have been so stupid.”
He wasn’t accusing Roman of anything, but it wasn’t actually him she was trying to convince. It was herself.
“I know, Morgan,” he told her calmly, knowing this was one of those situations where he should probably let her get it all out.
“I didn’t get to tell you earlier, because of everything with Lucia. But Lyla Flynn was corrupt, and they think that…” Morgan paused, choking back a sob. “The feds think Roman was working with her. They think…they think he killed her.”
She didn’t even realise she was crying until his arms wrapped around her, and all of a sudden she was sobbing into his chest.
“You’re okay,” he whispered into her hair, his hand rubbing over her back slowly. “You’re alright. I’ve got you.”
Morgan didn’t want to be having a breakdown on him like this. He’d been through enough already, and he shouldn’t have to deal with this too.
That wasn't how Karadec was viewing it. Lucia didn't even cross his mind, as his hand moved up to stroke her hair. It was a subconscious gesture rather than a decision he actively made, but he felt her relax under his touch.
It was different from the panic attack. She wasn't struggling to breathe, wasn't catastrophising, thinking something awful was about to happen. Instead, everything she'd been bottling up was desperate to be released. Nick was corrupt. Roman might have been a killer.
"What the hell is wrong with me, Adam?" Morgan whispered, the words strained.
It wasn't lost on him that she'd called him Adam again. It was almost like she defaulted to using his first name only when one of them was at their most vulnerable.
Reaching his free hand down to tilt her chin up was just as automatic as stroking her hair had been. He wasn't actively trying to create these moments of intimacy with her, he simply didn't think twice about it. Not with her.
"There's nothing wrong with you, Morgan," he promised her, as soon as their eyes met. "What did you tell me earlier? Maybe you loved Roman too much to see the things you didn't wanna see too."
"And Nick?"
She certainly didn't love him, she barely even liked the guy. So, why had she let herself believe him when he said he wasn't working with his father? Why had she let herself believe he actually wanted to help her?
"You trust people. That's not a flaw."
Morgan wiped away some of her tears, finally taking a deep, steadying breath. "I'm supposed to see the things that other people can't, so why couldn't I see what was staring me right in the face?"
Karadec hadn't trusted him. Soto hadn't trusted him. So, why had she?
"Sometimes, we let the wrong people in," was all he could really think to say to that. "Lucia and Wagner were those people."
Before she could answer, her phone buzzed in her pocket, the moment shattering around them. They were no longer the only two people in the world.
"It's Ava," Morgan told him, concerned, as she pulled it out, looking at the caller ID. It was nearing one in the morning, though it was hardly surprising that her daughter was up and worried about her.
Her thumb slid across the screen to answer the call, a sigh escaping as she brought it to her ear. "Ava, you should be in-"
The teen cut her off abruptly, every word laced with panic. "Mom? There's someone outside the house."
Morgan's eyes met Karadec's, and she could tell he'd heard every word. The look in his eyes spoke for him: the crime scene could wait until morning, but her kids couldn't.
"We'll be right there."