Chapter Text
bob and joaquin were friends since they met when they were 7 years old, after the reynolds moved in nearby.
joaquin was absolutely enamoured with his new friend – never shutting up about him to his mama, telling her how bob did this and that, how bob was the cutest when he smiled at joaquin, and the most handsome when he stood up to joaquin's bullies even when he was scared, and the prettiest when he laughed at joaquin's joke, and—
it wasn't a surprise for joaquin's mom when he came home one day, a lovestruck look on his face as he said softly,
"mama, i think i'm in love with him."
what was a surprise was when she had asked him what he would do about it, he had turned quiet and pensive,
"i don't know."
then fear had struck his face,
"what if... what if i lose him, if i tell him? what if he doesn't feel the same and he'll turn away. what if he doesn't want to be friends anymore, mama, i don't know what i would do."
so, 15 and not sure with feelings and love and life, joaquin didn't do anything – too nervous to risk anything that he had with bob.
he had decided that what they had was good enough – this unspoken thing of caring for each other deeply and looking at each other preciously and worlds revolving around the other.
joaquin didn't do anything, just pined from afar for 3 years until he decided that he wanted to enlist at 18, and that he had to leave miami for what he wanted – had to leave bob.
but bob had been supportive of his dreams, promised that nothing would change between them – they've been friends for so long that distance wouldn't do anything with that.
so joaquin went to the air force confidently, knowing that he wouldn't lose bob.
but then, knowing proved to be just thinking, because a few months into training, his letters went unanswered – bob not responding to anything.
and suddenly, his world fell apart – not knowing anything about what happened to bob, why he stopped writing back.
he even asked for leave to go home at one point, went back and tried asking around only for no one to know what happened to bob too.
it's like everything that happened with bob was a figment of his imagination for years – because how could someone just vanish into thin air so suddenly, without anyone knowing how or why or when?
(but he knows it isn't all just in his mind, because his heart still beats for bob – his curly hair and blue eyes and gentle smiles and warm touches and everything.
even after all of that, he's still in love with robert reynolds.)
but life had to move on even when he didn't want to, joaquin had to go back to training and the air force and normal life even when a huge chunk of his being was suddenly gone – and he just had to learn how to live with that fact.
so he tried and tried for years – became lieutenant and met his idol and became falcon and became captain.
he lived his life but still didn't know what to do with his being in love with bob, not until—
an announcement on the tv that had his world righting itself after all these years when he sees bob there, smiling the same way he did years ago and looking the same way he did years ago.
and suddenly, it was like being 15 again – so in love again.
he's excited even when sam is a bit angry with the whole avengers issue, so much so that sam had to pull him aside and ask what's wrong with him.
"that's him, sam! it's bob! i finally found him after all these years!"
and sam – all negative emotions on his face suddenly disappeared, excited for joaquin too. sam, even with his rightful anger had just pulled him into a hug and promised him that he'd try and fix things.
for the avengers, for the world.
for joaquin.
they try and make things work, and suddenly joaquin is on his way to the tower to see bob again – on their way to talk to the thunderbolts.
he's nervous, palms sweating and heart beating out of his chest – not even sam's words could calm him down.
joaquin's this ball of nervous energy until they make their way up to the tower, and—
bob is there, standing in the middle of the common room and looking like he's been waiting for joaquin.
joaquin runs to him, whole being melting and heart feeling like it's coming home when they hug after all these years.
he cries and bob cries as he says sorry for everything, saying that he ran away from home because he couldn't take it anymore – and that he was so ashamed to get back to joaquin because he started using to cope with everything, says that joaquin would have been disappointed in him.
joaquin tells him it's okay and that he's sorry he couldn't be there for bob, and that he promises he'll try and help make things better for them.
things go back to the way they used to for joaquin and bob – like they're back to where they left off all those years ago.
and maybe that's why it's so easy for joaquin's feelings to come back full force, maybe even fall deeper for bob.
now though, with everything they've been through and years of pining and still being in love, joaquin promises to himself that this time – this time, he'll tell bob.
he won't be scared anymore, he'll confess.
things will be better... right?
one day, bob asks him nervously.
"have you ever been in love?"
joaquin holds his breath, shyly admits that yes, he has been.
(he is.)
but then—
"could you... help me?"
his world falls apart, again,
"with... what?"
"i... think i'm in love with someone. and i know i'm this pathetic loser who probably doesn't deserve her, but god, joaquin, she's amazing and i want to try – even if i'll probably just get rejected. she's important to me and... i just want to make her know that she's important to me too."
and...
oh.
maybe it's the sudden heartbreak he feels that's got him acting all weird, because he agrees to help and smiles at bob – tells him that whoever she is, she'd be crazy to not like him back.
he's numb and feels like dissociating, not having anything sink in until he's on the way back to the loft – all alone in the car that realization sets in.
but he holds back, holds himself together.
it all comes crashing down when he gets inside his shared living space with sam and sees sam there, sees him excited as usual to hear about how he's doing with bob only for his expression to fall at the sight of joaquin looking so small and lost.
"joaquin? what's wrong?"
then everything crashes down.
joaquin's lip wobbles from keeping his tears at bay, hands coming up mid-air and fingers twitching as he non-verbally asks for a hug.
sam rushes to him, wraps his arms around joaquin and trying to comfort him.
joaquin's sniffles leads to tears falling as his hands seek purchase on the back of sam's shirt, trying to hide his face as he sobs,
"he's in love with someone else sam, and i don't know what to do. with— with myself and my feelings, with my life because i've been in love with him for so long that now that i have to let go, i don't know how but i know that i have to let go."