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Jack knew he should have done it sooner. Should have done it on her last day at the Pitt. He should have kissed her on the roof that day but grief had weighed him down and his body had felt foreign. It hadn’t been the right time.
He should have done it at her going away party last week but life had interfered. She had looked so happy and had been in the embrace of one person or another since she had walked into the Pub. He had barely had a moment alone with her, had only been able to give her a hug before she got pulled away with a promise to be back.
She hadn’t.
He watched her for a bit, watched their friends celebrate her and love her. It was hard not too, she was like the sun, warm. He had loved to see her be appreciated, even if he had to be on the edge, yearning for her attention, but unable to act. And now she was going to California for at least 2 years, to become an even better doctor, to change medicine for the better.
His heart ached at knowing she would soon be so far away, but it was also so immensely proud of her.
They had skated around each other for the last year of her residency. He refused to cross the line but he had made a bigger effort to be her friend, not just her mentor.
He got to learn about her preference for waffles over pancakes after their first post shift breakfast together. He learned that she was giggly after a double but grumpy after an unscheduled night shift. He learned how she took her coffee and her tea. And that she was for the most part a vegetarian but made the exception when she was tipsy, stating a cheeseburger was the best way to avoid a hangover.
He grew to love her in those months, his admiration and respect amplifying his feelings for her. It had been so natural, he had barely noticed. Hadn’t realized he would smile when he saw her, or sought her out before anyone else. She was always on his mind.
He let his touch linger but a second more, and she did too. A hug lasting just too long to be just friendly.
He had always found her fascinating to watch when at work, a furrowed brow betraying her cool concentration. But now he found himself looking at her just to look at her. He memorized the different hues of brown in her big beautiful eyes, the shape of her lips, so lush and plump and the slope of her nose. If he was a painter, she would have been his permanent muse. He wanted to trace every curve and shadow. He would have painted a million portraits of her.
He sometimes woke up with her smile on his mind, that big smile that made the dimple in her cheek more prominent. He thought of her when he saw something purple or blue, they made her look majestic, whenever he saw her in those colors his heart stuttered. He often sent her things that he knew she would find funny. He looked for case studies he knew would interest her or corresponded with her research. And he made sure she stayed hydrated and fed. Often bringing her a coffee at shift change.
He ached to hold her, to kiss every inch of her face, but he settled for being in her orbit.
As he pulled into the airport parking lot he thought that perhaps this was a bad idea. That he should leave and let her move on without dropping this on her but he couldn’t. He knew he would regret it for the rest of his miserable life if he let her go without letting her know that he loved her.
Even if she didn't feel the same, even if she would hate him, he had to tell her.
He had to confess, he felt like if he didn’t the truth would make him implode, and crumble. He didn’t know why he felt that way but he did. There were certain things, certain feelings you didn't ignore and for Jack this was one of those.
He knew she was on the 4pm flight to California and he had been lucky to have found a seat on her flight (not that he planned on taking it). He knew she had gotten there early and was already waiting at her gate, a too expensive matcha latte in hand. Trinity had sent him the screenshot of her text to the group twenty minutes ago.
It had just turned 2pm when he had decided he needed to do this.
It was 2:30pm when he pulled into the parking spot, not even caring about the cost.
Jack had nothing with him but his wallet, keys and his to go bag with a change of clothes he kept in case he decided to shower after a shift. He just needed to see her.
The TSA line was short, making his anxiety spike.
Was he really doing this? Was he actually crazy? He had finally lost his mind.
Samira was probably going to think he was a creepy old pervert who was delusional to boot.
But it was too late to back down.
He had cleared TSA and his heartbeat was making him dizzy with how fast it was galloping in his chest.
And like the universe knew he was close to her he felt his phone vibrate. Message from Mira.
He had a message from her, then another. He looked at his phone, locking it and making his way to her gate. He couldn’t bear to see her say goodbye yet. Not until he’d seen her, confessed to her.
Jack had not felt this nervous since his first deployment. He thinks he might actually puke. But his determination pushed him towards.
He was looking for gate 17, and had barely passed gate 10. He was trying hard not to run or sprint.
The closer he got the more his chest tightened.
He still had time to turn around, to avoid making a mistake that would ruin their friendship. That would push her away from his life completely. But his body was not listening. Did not care.
It wasn’t until he spotted her, navy blue sweater and jeans, hair down like a halo around her face, that he stopped. He was technically at gate 16.
He stared at her, head down, looking at her phone.
She was beautiful. Perhaps the most beautiful creature he had laid eyes upon.
And as if she could feel the weight of his gaze, she looked up.
It took but one breath for her to spot him. When she did, she straightened and he could see her say his name, confusion evident in her face.
Spurred by her gaze he starts walking again and she stands.
They meet in the middle and simply stare at one another for a moment before Samira breaks the silence.
“Jack? What are you doing here?”
He lets himself take a deep grounding breath, taking her in once more before he shatters the reality they lived in. Before he either makes the biggest mistake of his life or he leaves here a coward.
“I came to say goodbye. In person.”
Her brows furrowed.
“To say goodbye,” disappointment washed over her.
“Yes. And to tell you that I am going to miss you. That knowing I was going to see you, made my days better. Made waking up easier. That I'm going to miss your laugh and your smile and the way you light up a room.
God Samira I am going to miss you so fucking much because…”
His hand runs down his face as the emotion consumes him. It's now or never.
Through it all Samira stayed silent. Eyes soft as they look at him, as if knowing he needed to say this without interruption.
“Because Samira, I love you. I am in love with you. And I know this was the worst time to confess but I needed to. I wanted you to know that I am always in your corner. That even if you don't feel the same and see me as a friend, I will be there for you. That will never change. That I will be rooting for you.
Samira, I love you.”
He feels out of breath as he lays his heart bare.
Breathing felt harder as the silence settled between them, only the symphony of the airport in the background. They were calling her gate to begin boarding.
God what had he done!
“You love me?”
She said the words barely above a whisper, like she was afraid of breaking the moment.
“Yes. And I’m sorry that I waited until now but knowing you won't be here tomorrow, I just had too.”
Jack Abbot might break down in tears in the airport, much like he had when he came back or left on deployment.
Airports and hospitals saw more love than churches in his opinion.
“Jack, you didn’t read my message did you?”
“What?”
“You didn't read my message,” she repeated.
“Because if you had, you would know that I love you too.”
The world stopped moving for a moment. Jack stopped breathing as his mind caught up with her confession
“What,” it was the only word he was capable of as his whole world shifted into this new reality. Samira Mohan loved him too.
Always the smartest and bravest of them she takes the collar of his shirt and pulls him towards her. She whispered I love you before kissing him.
Jack wound his arms around her without a second of hesitation, the sound of his bag hitting the ground a distant thing.
His hands found their way to her face and into her hair, kissing her like he would die if he didn’t. It was only when he heard clapping and whistles that they broke apart, smiles on both of their faces.
“Samira Mohan, I love you,” he said again, dropping a kiss on her lips. Their foreheads touching as they smile and breathe each other in, everything else forgotten for one beautiful moment.
“Wait Jack, how did you get past security,” she pulled away slightly, a confused smile on her face. At that he turns a bright shade of pink.
“I bought a ticket, I wasn't gonna get on but I knew that you were already here.”
“You bought a ticket? How much did that cost, oh my god? For which flight?”
Jack closes his eyes, scrunches his nose and confesses.
“There was room on your flight, Trinity sent me the details.”
Samira looks at him with her big beautiful eyes, a smile spreading across her face as she laughs at the absurdity of it all. She was delighted.
She kisses him again, holding his face in her hands.
“Come with me then, don’t let that ticket go to waste.”