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Ottawa Centaurs ✔️ @OttawaCentaurs: Meet the newest member of the team—and watch the team meet her too!
[Video opens on a shot of the entrance to the Centaurs practice facility. In the shot is Gemma Ashby, the newest intern on the Cens's social media team. She is holding a baby with bright blue eyes and a shock of black hair pulled into a tiny ponytail on the top of her head. The baby is wearing a red and black Centaurs onesie and is chewing on the bright pink pacifier that is clipped to the front of said onesie. In her hair is a Centaur-red bow. She is squirming in Gemma's arms, but Gemma holds her tight. Behind the camera, Harris Drover laughs.
Troy Barrett is the first to show up to practice. Gemma all but shoves the baby into his unsuspecting arms. He has only seconds to drop the bag he's carrying before grabbing her.]
GEMMA: Hey, Troy. Can you hold her for a second?
BARRETT: Um. [He looks over to the camera, brow furrowed in confusion. The baby has decided that the string of Barrett's hoodie is an infinitely more interesting chew toy than her pacifier] Harris, why is—
HARRIS: Troy!
[The video cuts. When it returns, Barrett is still holding the baby, except now she is curled up against his chest half asleep. When Barrett starts speaking again, the words are clearly rehearsed.]
BARRETT: Um. Whose baby is this?
HARRIS: Ugh, you are terrible at this. Give her back to Gemma. [Barrett hands the baby off and picks up his bag, starting to walk away.] Love you!
BARRETT: Yeah, yeah. Love you, too.
[The video cuts again. When it returns, Nick Chouinard is walking in, deep in conversation with Wyatt Hayes]
HAYES: And, yeah, so that's why you really can't compare TV and movie adaptations of comics. They're two completely different mediums, you know? Even if I think the TV ones are—Hey, Gemma. Where'd you get a baby?
HARRIS: New team mascot.
GEMMA: Wanna hold her?
[Like with Troy Barrett, she doesn't give Hayes a chance to answer before thrusting the baby into his arms. He is very awkward in holding her, either because he is unused to holding babies or he's unused to holding babies that were forced upon him. Chouinard rolls his eyes and takes the baby, holding her on his hip with the experience that comes with being a father of three.]
CHOUINARD: A baby cannot be a mascot, Harris.
HARRIS: Sure she can! Look how cute she is!
[Hayes and Chouinard indeed both look at the baby, as if they hadn't until that moment considered how cute she is.]
CHOUINARD: I mean, yeah, she's cute but a human baby cannot be a mascot.
HAYES: Where'd she come from, anyway?
HARRIS: I told you, she's the new mascot!
[Chouinard hands the baby back to Gemma, who is barely holding back her laughter. Hayes tickles the bottom of the baby's exposed foot and she giggles, burying her face in Gemma's shoulder.]
CHOUINARD: Whatever man. Just give that baby back to her parents.
HAYES: And put some socks on her. Her feet are freezing!
[Video cuts. This time when it returns, Gemma is nowhere to be seen. The baby is sitting on the floor of the Centaurs's dressing room, right on top of the team logo in the middle of the room. Noticably, the baby is wearing pristine white socks now. The door opens and she squeals in delight and crawls toward the newcomer. Zane Boodram nearly falls over in an attempt to not step on her, smashing into Evan Dykstra in the process.]
DYKSTRA: Bood what the [bleep] man?
BOOD: I almost stepped on a baby!
DYKSTRA: I think you need to see Terry. You might have a fever. Why the hell would there be a baby in here?
BOOD: I don't know! Why don't you ask the baby?
[He gestures down to the ground, where the baby is babbling and opening and closing her hands, clearly asking to be picked up. Bood does, while Dykstra stares at them, mouth literally hanging open in shock. Bood is the first to notice that they're being filmed.]
BOOD: Harris, why is there a baby in the middle of the dressing room?
HARRIS: Isn't there always a baby in the middle of the dressing room?
BOOD: Harris…
[Off camera, across the room, the audio only barely picks up Nick Chouinard's voice.]
CHOUINARD: He says the baby is the new mascot.
DYKSTRA: Harris, please tell me you did not kidnap a baby.
HARRIS: I did not kidnap a baby.
BOOD: I don't believe you.
HARRIS: I promise I did not kidnap this baby and that her parents are fully aware that I am using her for this video.
[Bood looks down at the baby.]
BOOD: Blink once if you need help.
[She blinks.]
DYKSTRA: Holy [bleep] she actually did.
HARRIS: You two are idiots. Give her back to me.
BOOD: I'm not giving a baby back to her kidna—
[The video cuts again. When it returns, it's to the baby sitting on Gemma's lap on the bench just off the ice. She is bundled up now, in long black pants and a red Centaurs sweater. Her red bow has somehow vanished and her ponytail is nowhere near as neat. She still has her pink pacifier clipped to her clothes, though now it is in her mouth.
Luca Haas, Benjamin Holmberg, Isaac LaPointe, and Caleb Young all approach the ice, fully dressed for practice.]
GEMMA: Hey, guys, anyone want to hold a baby?
[All four stare at her like she had just asked them to recite Shakespeare naked on stage in front of a packed theater.]
HARRIS: Come on. She won't bite.
YOUNG: I don't know. She looks kind of bite-y.
LAPOINTE: Does she even have teeth?
[As if on cue, the baby spits out her pacifier and laughs, exposing four tiny teeth—two on top and two on the bottom. Young and LaPointe visibly flinch. Holmberg looks a little uneasy.]
HAAS: You're all [bleep]-ing wimps. This is why everyone still treats us like babies, you know that, right?
[He hands his stick off to LaPointe, standing to his left, and moves to take the baby from Gemma. It's awkward trying to hold her with all of his padding on, so he immediately hands her back, but crouches down in front of her, talking in a high-pitched voice.]
HAAS: You aren't so scary, are you? No, you're not. Those guys are just big old scaredy cats.
[The baby reaches for his gloved hand. She wraps her pudgy fingers around it as best she can and pulls the glove toward her mouth. She bites down. Hard. Off camera, there is a chorus of vindicated shouts from Young, LaPointe, and Holmberg. Harris and Gemma are laughing. The baby smiles, pleased by all the attention.]
HAAS: Well, that wasn't very nice, was it?
[On the ice, their names are called, followed by a list of threats about what will happen to them if they aren't on the ice in the next ten seconds. Harris, still laughing, cuts the camera.
When the video returns, they are back in the dressing room. Troy Barrett is once again holding the baby, the rest of the team circled around them like they've never seen a baby before. The baby is clearly tired from the long day she's had, but she keeps looking at the players surrounding her, laughing and clapping.]
BOOD: Okay, this isn't funny anymore. Where did you get this baby?
HARRIS: I didn't kidnap her!
HAYES: So you keep saying.
CHOUINARD: And yet, you won't tell us where she came from.
HARRIS: I swear her parents know I have her. That's all I'll say.
HOLMBERG: Oh my god. Harris….did you and Barrett have a baby?
BARRETT: You've definitely been hit on the head one too many times, Bergy.
HOLMBERG: It was just a theory!
[They continue to argue about where the baby could have possibly come from, with Harris insisting over and over that he did not kidnap a baby. None of them notice Ilya Rozanov coming out of the showers until the baby perks up. She starts wriggling out of Barrett's arms and it takes all of his strength to keep her from falling to the ground.]
BABY: Pa-Da! Pa-Da!
[Rozanov, in only a towel and still damp from his shower, takes the baby from Barrett. She snuggles right up to him, burying her face in his chest. He holds onto her like it's the most natural thing in the world to him.]
ROZANOV: Hello, lapochka. Papa missed you today. Did you have fun with Uncle Harris?
[The room absolutely explodes with shock and excitement. Rozanov covers his daughter's ears.]
ROZANOV: Everyone shut up. My baby girl has very delicate ears. You will all make her go deaf.
DYKSTRA: I—but. What?
[Shane Hollander, fully dressed with a diaper bag slung over his shoulder, comes to stand next to his husband and daughter, wrapping a loving arm around them both.]
HOLLANDER: Everyone say hello to Irina Hollander-Rozanova.
[The video ends with more shouts and whoops from the team as they crowd around the new family, all clamoring to get closer to Irina, now that they know she was not kidnapped to be held hostage as a mascot in a hockey arena.]
@kinghollzy: hey so uh??????? what the fuck?????
@bbygrlrozanov: ILYA ROZANOV IS A FATHER?????? WHO WOULD HAVE EVER FUCKING GUESSED??? GENUINELY WHAT IS HAPPENING???
@hollandersfreckles: not now sweetie mommy needs to have a breakdown because two grown ass hockey players have a baby
@hollanov_truther: they have a baby excuse me while i go throw up and cry and jump off a building
@rozanderluvr: her name is irina. IRINA. they named her after ILYA'S MOM. this is officially too much i am dead
@RoseLandry: Auntie Rose can't wait to see you next week sweet girl!!!!!
@YunaHollander: Irina tell your daddy and papa that you need to have a sleepover with Baaba and Gramps tonight
»@ShaneHollander: we already have a bag packed
@barrettsbiceps: did anyone else notice @TroyBarrett17 in the beginning of the video? he's definitely met that baby before
»@TroyBarrett17: of course i have. she's my goddaughter
»»@RealHaydenPike: she's your WHAT? @ShaneHollander explain right now
»»»@IlyaRozanov: sorry pike we did not want to expose our daughter to a heterosexual lifestyle
»»»»@RealHaydenPike: good to see that fatherhood has not changed you one bit you dick
»»»»»@IlyaRozanov: how dare you curse at me where my daughter can read it