Chapter Text
Satis House, home to Miss Havisham and Pip’s tormentor turned crush, Estella. Pip had wandered to the abandoned dispensary, wallowing in self-pity over Estella’s most recent ridicule. Suddenly, a young boy emerged from the shadows. “I challenge you to a duel!” He shouted as he pointed at Pip.
Already irritated, Pip punched the boy in the face, sending him to the ground. However, the boy was unfazed, and immediately got back up, waving his fists around Pip. Pip continued to beat the boy, but he continued to get back up, throwing punches that never landed. After a few minutes, Pip delivered the final blow, and the boy fell to the ground, utterly defeated. Pip became overwhelmed with guilt over the pain he had inflicted. But, to Pip’s surprise, the boy looked up at him and smiled as he stood, dusting off the dirt on his trousers. The smile was unlike anything Pip had seen before. It was gentle, yet full of unbridled joy despite his defeat.
“Thank you for a great duel.” He beamed, extending his hand to Pip in a show of sportsmanship.
As Pip shook the boy’s hand, he was completely liberated of thoughts of Estella and his social class. He then left Satis House, unable to take his mind off what just happened. Who was that boy? How could he smile like that after I gave him such a beating? Pip felt a new emotion he couldn’t quite place about the boy, and he thought of countless questions for the boy, knowing he would likely never see him again.
Over the next few years, Pip struggled with feelings of inferiority, longing to be a gentleman to prove his worth to Estella. And yet, Pip still could see the boy smiling up at him, a beacon of light in the darkness. As fate would have it, Pip was granted his wish, and he would become a gentleman.
Upon his arrival to London, Pip was shocked by the filth he encountered. Executions advertised to the public, and Mr. Jaggers—a corrupt lawyer who only cared about his money rather than his clients. When Pip visited his new residence, a quaint apartment building he was shocked by what he encountered. It was the very same boy who challenged him to a duel all those years ago.
“It’s you!” They both shouted in disbelief.
Shock morphed into joy as the two smiled at each other and shook hands. Pip finally learned that miraculous boy’s name: Herbert. Over dinner, the young men told their life stories as if they had known each other their whole lives. Pip felt at peace when he was with Herbert, a peace he had rarely felt throughout his life. When Pip laid himself to rest that night, he thought of how unbelievable it was that he reunited with Herbert, and that it must have been fate.
Pip and Herbert soon became best friends, and spent almost all of their time together. Pip enjoyed every second of it. But, he was starting to change. He became more greedy, and spent his money lavishly. It wasn’t long until Herbert became roped into these habits as well, and soon fell deep into debt. Pip started to feel the guilt he felt after his fight with Herbert as a child. Pip decided that he had to undo his mistake, and reached out to Mr. Jaggers to establish a fund for Herbert. He also found a businessman who would give Herbert a job in which he could one day become a business partner. Pip did all of this without his friend’s knowledge, hoping he could bring back the Herbert he once knew, the one who didn’t care about wealth.
Life soon became peaceful again, and Pip and Herbert continued spending time together. Some time later, Pip’s worldview became shattered once again. Estella had arrived in London. Pip was conflicted. He was infatuated with her, but was afraid she only saw him as the common boy he was when they first met. Pip escorted Estella to wherever she desired, trying to convince himself that she was the girl he would marry one day.
However, Estella had different plans. She spent much of her time at parties, courting gentleman suitors, including Pip’s sworn enemy, Drummle. When Pip confronted Estella, confessing his love and jealousy, his heart shattered.
“I am incapable of love,” she told him, “so I cannot reciprocate your feelings. I’m truly sorry, but Drummle is the man I intend to marry so I can cement my status and fulfill Miss Havisham’s wishes for me. If this causes you pain, I’m afraid I can’t remedy it, for my heart is like ice, and can feel nothing. Goodbye, Pip.”
As Estella walked away into the night, Pip thought of all the things he did wrong, and everything that is wrong with him that caused Estella to reject him. Pip wallowed in self-pity as he stumbled home, his vision clouded with tears.
When Pip arrived back at the apartment, Herbert saw him and his face showed concern. “What’s wrong?” He said nervously as he ushered Pip to a chair.
Pip explained what happened and asked Herbert, “What have I done to drive her away? Is it my background? Am I still too common for her? What can I do to make her love me?”
While Pip continued to spiral, Herbert leapt up and wrapped him in a warm embrace. Pip stopped his descent into madness and looked up at Herbert, his face starting to flush. “None of this is your fault, Pip,” Herbert assured him. “That dreadful woman has no room in her heart for anyone, not even herself. Your status does not define you. She may not love you, but you still have friends who cherish you.”
Pip stepped away from Herbert, shaking. “But that’s not enough! She is the woman I love and the only one who can make me a true gentleman! You don’t understand. I need her!”
“I don’t understand? You only talk about Estella. You’re obsessed with her! Can’t you see the pain she is causing you?” Herbert shouted. “Are you so blind in your attempts at self-fulfillment that you can’t even see how much I care about you!?”
Pip froze as he watched Herbert storm off toward his room. What did he mean by that? He thought. He only cares about me because we’re friends, right?
Pip struggled to sleep that night, his mind endlessly recounting the events of the day. When he thought of Herbert, and the feeling as he embraced him, he felt a feeling he had never experienced before. It was the emotion he wanted to feel towards Estella, the feeling he thought would make his life complete. Pip quickly dismissed the thought. There’s no way I can feel this way towards him. He’s my best friend. Any further feelings would just complicate matters.
The next day, things were strained between Pip and Herbert, and an awkward tension loomed over them. Soon after, things slowly became as they were, and Pip and Herbert continued their friendship. It wasn’t until a few weeks later that their relationship would change.
Although Pip had been a gentleman for quite some time now, he still didn’t know for sure who his benefactor was. He assumed it was Miss Havisham, considering their correspondence over the years. But one day, Pip was greeted by a man who had haunted his childhood ever since their meeting. The old convict Pip had helped revealed himself as his true benefactor.
Pip could barely breathe. This is the man who has given me my expectations? What does that make me? Lower than a criminal I suppose. He practically shoved the convict into his spare bedroom, and frantically searched the hotel for Herbert. When he finally found him, he breathlessly dragged him back to his rooms, and locked the door.
“What is the matter with you, Pip? You scared me half to death!” He shouted as Pip shushed him.
“I found my true benefactor. He’s… He’s…” Pip stuttered, unable to finish his sentence.
“Are you okay, Pip? It’s alright. You can tell me anything,” Herbert consoled him.
“He’s… the convict I helped as a child.” Pip shuddered. “My life is over! Joe will never take me back after what I’ve done to him. My expectations will be revoked. No one can ever find out about this! I could go to jail or—”
Herbert gently pressed his lips against Pip’s, stopping the onslaught of anxieties he voiced. Pip’s eyes widened, and he leaned in to the kiss, finally realizing his true feelings for Herbert. This is nothing like Estella. He thought. It’s everything, everything and more. This is what love truly feels like.
The two slowly parted, grasping each other’s hands. Pip momentarily forgot the situation he was facing, as if he and Herbert were the only ones in the whole world. “We will figure this out Pip,” Herbert calmly spoke, “together.”
“But is this really alright?” Pip asked. “If anyone finds out, it could bring ruin to both of us.”
“Don’t ever say that, Pip,” Herbert answered. “I love you. I love you to the ends of the Earth and back again. I don’t care about your class or who your benefactor is or anything to do with money. I care about you, and I will always be there for you, so you will never be alone.”
Pip blushed, unable to comprehend what he just heard. After a brief moment, he timidly spoke to Herbert, “I love you too. From the moment we first met, I have felt feelings I have never experienced before. With you, Estella is but a forgotten memory, blocked out by your beaming smile.”
The two embraced and then shared a passionate kiss, trying to make up for all of the time their feelings went unrecognized. Although the convict was still in the guest room, nothing mattered to them at that moment, only each other.
From that moment on, Pip and Herbert shared everything together. From happiness to heartbreaks, they comforted one another, their love never fading. Pip realized the selfish person he was becoming, and sought to change more into the man Herbert first met. Pip repaired his relationship with Joe, cried into Herbert’s shoulder as he grieved for the moments he missed with his deceased sister, and laughed with Biddy as he played with her children.
Although Pip and Herbert’s relationship was outside of the public eye, they were perfectly content and would confidently face anything that came their way together.