Chapter Text
Shuichi POV
Shuichi Saihara is dead.
Or did he just think it was so?
Am I?
Shuichi tried to blink away his sleepiness before awkwardly leaning on the backrest of the bed, shuddering at the feeling of cold air on his skin. The strained silence around him, broken only by a high-pitched beeping sound in the distance, whose source Shuichi didn't know, prevented him from concentrating on recognizing where he was.
Where is Monokuma? Where are the others? Where am I?
Was it some sort of another motive?
With a bitter taste in his mouth, Shuichi looks around cautiously, his eyes still unused to the bright walls of the room. Puzzled, he realizes that he's lying in a hospital bed with the bedside monitor visible in a dim light, connected to his bed by a thin wire. Suddenly Shuichi realized what was happening – he was in the hospital.
Shuichi sat up harshly, wincing as pain washed over his body. Pain… alright, so at least he wasn’t dead. With a mild headache, blurry memories began to flood into his mind.
The killing game has ended. It's over.
How come he's here if it's over?
Helplessly sitting in a hunched posture with his eyes closed because the faint light from the window that felt like strobe lights was causing him sharp pain, Shuichi tried to make his headache go away. Tried was too strong of a word, he rather hoped the headache would go away on its own. Well, it's not like he could do something about it.
The longer he sat there, the more incomplete memories came to his mind.
Keebo...
Monokuma...
The mastermind...
...
That's right, he should go and look for Maki and Himiko! After all, since Shuichi is there, wherever he is, they should be somewhere nearby as well, right?
Shuichi shakily got up from the bed to stumble towards the door. Pulling the doorknob, he was about to run out of the room to go look for his friends, but out of nowhere he bumped into someone who opened the door from the other side. With a groan, Shuichi wearily raised his hand, holding his head as he winced in pain from the collision. He sheepishly raised his head to apologize for bumping into them before being silenced by their words.
“Shuichi Saihara, you're finally awake!” Said a woman, whose face he didn't recognize, with the calm tone contrasting with his face. She was dressed in uniform, casual enough to tell that she's currently at work.
“Uh... Yeah.” Shuichi replied with a rather questioning tone. “How long was I asleep for? Besides, where are my friends? They might need my he–”
“Mister Shuichi Saihara, you are a former participant in the killing game simulation created by the Danganronpa Team.” The woman said it with such grace, as if she practiced this line every day in front of the mirror before going to bed. “I came here to inform you that everything you experienced was not part of reality and you are currently in a hospital facility to keep an eye on your health during your recovery.”
Shuichi tilted his head slowly with a baffled expression. “Er... A simulation? T–the hospital? I'm sorry, I don't think I understand.”
The woman in front of him cleared her throat, rearranging the words in her head. “Well, I know that you've been through a lot, Mr. Saihara, it might be hard for you to understand,” The woman started, forcefully guiding Shuichi towards the bed to sit down. “You survived the killing game, congratulations on your bravery by the way, however it was just a computer simulation that was supposed to make an interesting show and you with all of your friends were its participants.”
...
Hah.
Shuichi thought he was going crazy. That's it. That's what his recent torture was – a fake. All this running after truth and lies, life and death, hope and despair. It was all a lie. A thought crossed Shuichi's mind – Keebo mentioned something about ‘the viewers’ and their ‘choice’ when he damaged his antenna, but his memory hadn't recovered well enough and his head was too sore to stay with the thought.
“... I'm sorry, a simulation? God knows how long I was worried about whether I would be able to leave my room in the morning, constantly stressing over my friends' lives or if I would wake up at all and you're saying that all of it was a simulation? An interesting show?”
“Mr. Shuichi, I know this may be difficult for you to understand, but that's exactly how it is. As a nurse I don't advise stressing yourself out in your condition, that's why you're under observation in the hospital after all, so I recommend not to worry yourself too much over this.”
“Y-yeah... Right..” Is all Shuichi could mumble with a dumbstruck expression. How else could he answer? After all, all his efforts and worries which have recently exhausted him completely have turned out to be mere fiction, a form of entertainment for some viewers apparently. Can he even be sure this is reality then?
Sitting still with his shoulders hunched, Shuichi was staring blankly into space. For a second the world feels muted to him. Should he be happy? In the end, it's probably a good thing that his suffering was fake, right?
...
Suddenly, he was pulled out of his hopelessness by one thought that created an odd sense of selfishness of which Shuichi was ashamed. Maybe this whole situation is the beginning of new hope for him after all?
“...Um, miss, if what you've said is true then– I.. Well, is it possible for me to... See my friends once again? Are they all also... alive?” Shuichi muttered, stumbling over his words. A strange sensation of self-consciousness washed over him, feeling as if he didn't deserve such a chance.
“Why of course.! From what I know, practically everyone with minor exceptions should have woken up by now, but those who aren't awake yet should be awake at any minute. Oh well, mostly they are awake but unfortunately your friend Keebo.. you know... I'm so sorry, he's a robot after all. I am also very saddened about this, I admired his heroism very much during the killing game.”
...What?
Shuichi felt like he was about to choke on his own emotions. He looked up at the nurse with wide eyes, unable to move at first. He felt like he was crying inwardly, overflowing with exuberance, which sounded silly because until recently he was thinking about abandoning all hope.
He, who thought he had lost the people closest to him who were there for him during the worst hell of his life, suddenly got it all back. A fresh start.
“Shuichi Saihara? Is everything alright?” The uncertain voice of the nurse who was still sitting next to him, watching everything, was what finally woke Shuichi up.
“Y-yeah... I'm sorry,” Shuichi's voice cracked before he paused for a moment. “May I go and see them?”
The nurse chuckled to herself before getting up from bed, directing his steps towards the door. “It's quite alright, go. Your friends should be downstairs in the cafeteria.”
Still feeling a bit lightheaded, Shuichi stood up, wordlessly thanking the nurse with a nod. Picking up his pace as he left his room, he felt his heartbeat quicken. He, who had long since come to terms with the death of his friends, got to see them again. Screw the simulation thing, Shuichi couldn't care less about it, not now.
Still running rather intuitively towards the kitchen, Shuichi reached the stairs, grabbing the railing for support. Nearly tripping over a stair, Shuichi stopped like a deer in headlights when he heard a familiar, long-forgotten voice coming from the hallway downstairs.
“–HA! We can just go to the cafeteria, right?”
Shuichi's eyes widened in disbelief. In front of him, as if from the time of the simulation, stood Kaito and Maki, who were chattering as if it were part of their everyday life, and behind them he could see the rest of his friends, practically everyone who attended the killing game.
“Ah– Kaito..?”
Shuichi swallows, bitter but hopeful. He can already feel himself tear up, as his vision begins to blur. A few tears fell onto the floor beneath his feet and before he could do anything, he felt himself being squeezed or even lifted up – he doesn't know himself because of how dazed he is - by Kaito. Shuichi's laughter cracked through his tears as he tried to blink them away.
“Look who it is, Maki Roll! My sidekick finally woke up!” Kaito exclaimed, laughing loudly to himself and before putting Shuichi back on the ground. He looked so... Alive, it was certainly a stark contrast to the last time he saw him at the end of the killing game, sick and lifeless.
“Yeah, took you long enough, Shuichi” Maki pursed her lips to prevent a smile, although the intended effect wasn't exactly achieved.
“Um, sorry for taking so long,” Shuichi replied with a hoarse chuckle. He paused awkwardly, completely lost in his own thoughts and unsure of what to say. “I- I thought I would never see you guys again, that it was over.”
“HA! Foolish of you to think that a mere killing game would be enough to defeat Kaito Momota, Luminary of the Stars!” Kaito whooped which made Shuichi giggle again, less bitterly and more comforted that Kaito's personality hadn't changed that much since they last met.
“H-hah, how could I ever doubt you...” Shuichi muttered rather to himself.
“Yeah, yeah, enough of those tears. We should go to the cafeteria, I'm starving.” Maki said dismissively, letting out a snicker.
“Right, sorry...” Shuichi mumbled, sniffing. “Who are we going to eat with? Is everyone awake yet?”
“As far as I know, everyone except Kokichi. Which is good, I hope this asshole doesn't wake up at all. This idiot brought nothing but problems.”
“Hey, Maki Roll..” Kaito said stiffly, nudging Maki. “That's not very nice. Sure, we may not have gotten along so well during the killing game, but come on.”
Huh.
Kokichi. That's right. Shuichi hasn't seen Kokichi yet.
How could he forget about him? He literally sacrificed himself to end the simulation. Oh well, at least at the end of it because at the beginning, Maki is right, he was causing problems. Even if he was constantly causing trouble, manipulating them, lying and overall was, as Maki said, a total ‘asshole’, Shuichi knew that his goals weren't different from anyone else's, even if others couldn't notice it.
“Ah, you know what,” Shuichi started, breaking the lingering silence, his voice filled with uncertainty. “I'm actually not that hungry, you can go without me. I-I think I'll go check on Kokichi.”
Shuichi's decision, no surprise, seemed to throw Kaito and Maki a little as they exchanged glances in a moment of silence before Maki's questioning reply. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, no worries. I'll just check if he's awake. You know... It's been a while since I last saw him.” Shuichi assured, waving his hand dismissively.
“That's my sidekick! I know I could rely on you but be careful, okay? Oma is quite... specific, you know that yourself. I still don't really trust that guy.”
“O-Of course, no worries. I'll be just fine.” Shuichi shook his head with a faint smile playing on his face. “Um, do you know by any chance what his room number is?”
“Pft– obviously I know which room to avoid, it's the first one on the left on the first floor.” Maki replied with a snicker, to which Shuichi tittered nervously.
“A-absolutely.! See you later.” Shuichi yelped with a hurried wave before rushing back towards the staircase. Mindlessly rethinking his life decisions, because most likely no one sane would willingly go to Kokichi, Shuichi looked around the hallway for the room Maki might be talking about.
‘First one on the left’.
But the first one on the left from the stairs or rooms?
Shuichi could already feel the mild headache bubbling up in the back of his head, feeling irritated with himself. His fruitless attempts to find Kokichi's room were immediately abandoned when Shuichi heard an all too familiar, bright voice from behind him.
“Oh my goodness, Shuichi? Is that you?”
Un-fucking-believable.
Shuichi thought the world would collapse beneath him in any minute. Kaede Akamatsu stood before him. The Kaede Akamatsu whose death Shuichi could not come to terms with, ever. But here she was, standing in front of Shuichi, looking at him with an uncertain smile.
“K-Kaede...?” Feeling a loss of vocal control, Shuichi's voice cracked. Adrenaline tightened around Shuichi's throat with the world around him melting into static. He'd forgotten how drastically painful it was to say goodbye to Kaede, and here she was standing before him. Honestly Shuichi could barely see her because of the pain in his head, but he stumbled towards her, cracking up.
“Nice to have you back around, Shuichi.” Shuichi had already forgotten how sweet and calming Kaede's voice was. He carefully released her from his embrace to stare at her face while everything he wanted to say instantly died down on his tongue.
“Sorry, I feel cut off from reality..” Shuichi replied sheepishly, staring directly at Kaede, although locked on some blurred memory in the middle distance he couldn't quite name.
“Tell me about it.” Kaede chuckled. “Were you looking for something? Maybe I could go with you? We could catch up a bit, I heard a lot had happened while I was gone.” There it was. The same clear, cheerful tone Shuichi has missed so much. Feeling a bit embarrassed by acting so emotional in front of someone again, he nodded without a second thought.
“Yeah, that would be... Incredible” Shuichi admitted, his words ending in a sharp squeak at which Kaede giggled.
Shuichi blinked slowly, the realization of what Kaede had just said catching up to him a few seconds too late. “Um, I was actually on my way to see Kokichi. A nurse I met this morning told me he should wake up any time soon.”
Kaede blinked a few times as if she had misheard Shuichi's words before slightly tilting her head. “Kokichi?”
“Um, yeah.. I didn't have a chance to talk to him before...” Shuichi trailed off. He didn't know if he wanted to finish that sentence or if he was even able to finish it. “...you know.”
But where did Kaede's confusion come from?
Ah, that's right. Kaede has... left them very early in the killing game. The intentions behind Kokichi's actions have definitely rubbed off on her. After all, his goal during the simulation was to make everyone hate him so he could end it. Kaede is probably not very convinced about Shuichi going to visit Kokichi.
Shuichi cleared his throat, his expression softening “...He was quite obnoxious, wasn't he?”
“Yeah, kind of...”
“I do agree but I don't think he meant any harm, you know... His actions were quite questionable, and he pissed me off as well, believe me, but I don't think he deserves to be left alone. And if I don't go, no one else will.”
Kaede rubbed her neck, still seeming awfully tense. As much as Shuichi would like Kaede to truly know Kokichi's actual motives, that won't happen unless he tells her himself. Shuichi knows he'll have to meet her to make up for lost time, besides, he really wants to, but he decides to do it after checking up on Kokichi.
“If you don't want to come with me, I would understand, perhaps we can meet later? I would love to catch up, really.”
“It's been... So much time. It would be lovely, yeah. But please take care of yourself, alright?” Kaede replied uncertainly, still fidgeting with the collar of her shirt. Shuichi understands where her doubts come from, so he's not going to tell her that she's wrong to worry about him. He placed his hand reassuringly on Kaede's shoulder, smiling faintly at her.
“I promise to be careful... And I promise that we will meet to talk about everything soon, we can go to breakfast together tomorrow if you'd like.”
Kaede's face brightened at Shuichi's guarantee and he felt like he had given Kaede what he needed to – a promise that things would be like they used to be again, or at least he would try to make it so.
“Okay, okay, go now or I'll start crying,” Kaede chuckled blissfully, gently pushing him away from herself. “His room is the first one over there.” She added, pointing at the door.
“Ah, thanks a lot... Um, see you later, Kaede.” Shuichi took his time to smile at her one last time before turning towards Kokichi's room.
Walking up to the door and placing his hand on the doorknob, Shuichi stopped.
Is Kokichi awake yet? Will he even want to talk to Shuichi?
During the killing game, their relationship varied; sometimes Kokichi was happy to spend time with Shuichi, now that Shuichi thinks about it, perhaps even a little jealous of their relationship with Kaito, as much as Kokichi can be jealous.
On the other hand, Kokichi wasn't always willing to hang out with Shuichi. To be honest, Shuichi didn't always want to spend time with him either, so he wondered if he would find him in a good mood or not. Being with him meant constantly wondering whether his statements were even true and his intentions were what they seemed. Shuichi always had to make sure Kokichi didn't say anything that would cross the others' boundaries, which wasn't easy either.
Well, maybe he's even changed since the simulation?
Swallowing his thoughts, Shuichi pushed the door to Kokichi's room. The room itself was no different from his own, almost empty with carefully divided beds, evenly spaced apart. Shuichi's eye was caught by one bed that stood out from the others, as if someone was lying in it.
Without a second thought, Shuichi walked over to the bed standing against the wall, leaning towards it. Through the dim light from the window, he could see that Kokichi was lying inside, still asleep.
Well, that's odd.
Kokichi, who was always full of energy and had an exaggerated expression on his face, either smiling like a maniac or crying crocodile tears, was lying there so calmly, not even making a sound. The contrast between those two was truly astonishing.
Shuichi walked up to the bed, sitting on the edge of it next to Kokichi. He honestly hoped Kokichi would be awake by now and would have a chance to talk to him.
Several memories from the simulation flashed through Shuichi's mind. Despite the fact that they were trapped in a killing game, Kokichi usually made Shuichi's time bearable. Kokichi's lies added color to his everyday life back then, even if they caused a lot of trouble.
Shuichi started giggling at that thought, however he definitely did not expect it to be so loud, so he quickly covered his mouth, wheezing muffled laughs into his palm.
...
Yeah, he should definitely talk to Kokichi once he's awake.
Shuichi's gaze flicked at Kokichi's face once again, which practically seemed like it wasn't his own as his expression was so peaceful. Well, while it was still lacking his usual spark, he definitely had a nice side profile, almost perfectly carved while still maintaining his childlike look.
Shuichi also noticed that Kokichi's hair was slightly different from the simulation, it seemed limper and less bright. He also missed his iconic checkered scarf that always made his face pop out more. In fact, Shuichi thought he looked a bit ill or mimsy in those hospital clothes. It all felt so... ineffectual. Different.
Shuichi looked away, looking at the nightstand next to the bed. Not that he had ever seen Kokichi's nightstand in the simulation, but he always imagined it looking full of things, unorganized, and not so plain and empty. Well, he just hasn't had a chance to get up yet, so there's no wonder why.
Shuichi sighed, unsure what to do with himself. He probably shouldn't wait here until the end of the day for Kokichi to wake up, if he even would today. Mentally promising himself that he would come back tomorrow to check on him again, he took one last look at Kokichi's calm face, which he probably wouldn't be as composed as it is now anytime soon, and stood up from the bed. The hush of his movement was a stark contrast to the incongruous silence of the room. It all felt so mismatched.
All Shuichi could do was walk towards the door of the room, ignoring the feeling seething inside of him that there was still much waiting for him.