Archive of Our Own

 It was a quiet, early morning in Home Town, and it was the morning of the most important day of Mister Ant Tenna’s life.

 It was Kris’ birthday. It was Kris Dreemurr’s FIFTEENTH BIRTHDAY!

 Another year! Another cake! Another set of candles! Another batch of gifts! Another round of “happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you”! Another mark on the doorframe, to track how much they’d grown since the last one!

 It was one of those things he’d dreamed of since he was able to dream. Well. Since he was able to fantasize, on account of the whole ‘not able to sleep’ thing he used to have going on. Birthdays were always a special thing, because, well, you only had each one for each age ONCE in your ENTIRE LIFE, so every birthday was precious.

 Tenna could admit that he did have a love-hate relationship with birthdays at times. On the one hand, they were a time of celebration! A time of getting together to cherish a loved one and give all sorts of sweets, gifts, hugs, and well wishes on the day they came into the world! A birthday was a celebration of a person’s LIFE…

 …and, birthdays were a reminder that they were getting older.

 That everyone got older.

 Age brought with it new aches, pangs, weariness, and gray hairs. Tenna still remembered the day when Asgore was watching the cowboy program, and picked that first silver strand of fur out of his mane. Asgore had laughed about it. “Oh, Tori, look! I have gone and become an old man.”

 Tenna remembered chuckling, unsure of what to call the quiet terror that crept into his chest. It was the itchy kind of fear. The sort that ebbed and grew the more he tried to ignore it. The kind he picked at during those years he went unplugged and sat on the stand, cold and forgotten.

 Getting older meant getting closer to life’s grand finale. When he was fresh and new, Tenna didn’t think about that sort of thing. Death was a far away idea, a thing that happened on TV, but never to the ones that he loved, and never to him. As he booted up and his fingers twitched and curled under the comforter, the dull ache in his shoulders dragged him fully from the bliss of sleep, and back into this body of his. This dusty, creaky, weary old body of his.

 What am I supposed to do with all of this…?

 He twitched, annoyed at himself already.

 It’s Kris’ special day. Focus on that. Don’t be GLOOBY on KRIS’ BIRTHDAY.

 Tenna had written out a list before he booted off last night. It was ready and waiting when his screen turned on with a degauss tone that was thankfully muffled by the pillow. He sat up, reached over, and just vaguely registered the time on his alarm clock.

 3:28 AM is the PERFECT time to get a headstart on the party!

 With the glow of his screen as his light, Tenna skimmed to the first item on the list and tapped it with a metallic claw. Number one: dress to impress!

 Nice and simple. Simple, small, calm, and quiet.

 Those were the exact words that Toriel had used when describing what Kris wanted for their birthday. Tenna could do simple. There was a beauty in simplicity, a certain skill in ‘less is more’ that a former showhost, former Darkner, former TV-turned-demon-turned-eyed god of his stature could pull off easy-peasy!

 But before he could do anything, Tenna needed to get himself dressed.

 Back in the day, when it was either Kris or Asriel’s birthday, he had a little outfit he called his birthday suit. For whatever reason (okay, he knew the reason) this name always earned him a few wary glances from his employees. It was a bright pink suit with a delightfully sweet confetti pattern, which also brought to mind rainbow sprinkles atop a cake’s sugary frosting.

 Tenna loved that suit. It was probably somewhere over in the studio, all the way in Castle Town. BUT! FOR THE SAKE OF THE PARTY, and in the spirit of Kris’ wishes for their birthday, Tenna had gone ahead and bought something with the same kind of ‘vibe’, just in a much simpler, ‘low-key’ style.

 As quiet as a maus, he crept over to the closet to retrieve what he was looking for. He pulled out the neatly folded, soft pink button-up and laid it aside as he selected a pair of black pants. Would you BELIEVE that he’d found it for a whole thirteen dollars? THIRTEEN! And the yellow bowtie was just SEVEN!

 Paired with the yellow dress shoes, Tenna thought the whole outfit had a sort of layered cake feel to it! Yellow on top, pink, black, and then yellow on the bottom. Perfect! Cheerful, and simple.

 He snatched up his list and crossed off the top. Now, he moved onto number two: decorations!

 Tenna stood, smiling, in his bedroom. The sky outside the windows was a curtain of darkness littered by soft, twinkling stars. Out in the woods he could hear the sound of early summer. The wind in the trees, the buzzing of insects, and if he really craned his feelers to listen, even the distant whisper of cars driving down the highway.

 He glanced back over at the clock. 3:30 AM was an acceptable time to pop over to get a headstart on getting things set up, right? 

 Toriel explicitly gave him a key for a reason! Toriel trusted him!

 While he was there, hell, he could even go ahead and get to work on getting Kris’ PIE ready! It would take a few hours for the filling to set once it was mixed, and it helped if you chilled the crust for a while, too, so really, he was being EFFICIENT by going ahead and getting the birthday bash ball a-rolling!

 That settled it, then.

 Tenna shuffled briskly down the hall and made his way downstairs. He heard Susie snoring away when he passed by her room, and snorted quietly. One quick jog over to Tori’s house later, and he was at the door, fumbling with his key.

 It was a lovely night. Morning. It was morning.

 Early bird gets the weird, fucked up spider!

 …that’s not how that saying goes.

 He carefully pushed the door open and slipped in, before shutting it behind him without so much as a squeak. A familiar bittersweetness was waiting for him. He stood by the door for a moment with his hands hanging limply.

 His gaze fell on the piano. That used to be my place, he thought, as the pale glow of his screen caught on the gold-tinged wood and the smooth white keys. Something painful panged in his chest. Was it bad that he felt jealous, almost? And the kicker was that this piano wasn’t even a Darkner who would APPRECIATE being the centerpiece of the living room! It was just a…thing! Things were just things. Things weren’t secretly PEOPLE anymore…it couldn’t even tell how loved it was each time Kris and Susie went to play it together…talk about ungrateful.

 Focus, focus. Birthday birthday birthday.

 His legs carried him into the kitchen. It was always so much smaller than how he used to imagine it. Things really did look bigger on TV…or, well, when you WERE the TV, and your family’s house had this funny way of feeling larger than your gloomlit false-life.

 Tenna recalled Toriel mentioning something about a cake. He opened the fridge to take a peek, and yup, there it was. It was chocolate, according to the label on top of the plastic lid. It was covered in a wavy pattern of light and dark green frosting. On top there was a big red apple, above which the words “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KRIS” were spelled out in white frosting.

 He then looked and saw two packs of numbered candles on the kitchen counter. A ‘1’ and a ‘5’.

 His feelers tensed. Fifteen…oh my god…

 It hurt to think about. It was wonderful! It was amazing! It was incredible, but it HURT!

 The cake was a little something extra to go alongside the Dreemurr Family Traditional Birthday Butterscotch and Cinnamon Pie. With how last year had gone, Kris deserved something extra for their special day. 

As he pulled out the bowls and tin and grabbed the ingredients, Tenna fell into the motions of performing on the cooking channel. It was just like how it used to be! Just without the hot stagelights blaring down on him…and he wasn’t being filmed…and he was all alone…and he wasn’t on a set or being watched, he was in his family’s kitchen at like 4AM in the morning.

 He was grumbling to himself as he fussed over the measuring spoons (WHY did it all pour out SO DAMN FAST) when something creaked. He froze.

 “...Tenna…?”

 Without turning around, he chuckled and carefully dusted off the top of a spoonful of cinnamon back into the shaker. “Heh! Mornin’, Az!”

 Asriel yawned, “dude. It’s four in the morning. What the hell’re you doing?”

 “Did I wake you up? I’m sorry.”

 “No, I wasn’t asleep. I was texting Chara.”

 “You need your shut-eye, Asriel. Bedtime means time to put the phone away.”

 Asriel regarded him with heavy, heavy eyes. “...what’re you doing?” He asked again dryly.

 “Getting a headstart on Kris’ pie! Did y’all pick out any decorations yet? I can go ahead and get started on putting ‘em up while everything sets in the fridge!” His hand hovered over the electric hand mixer. It was the same one that Toriel and Asgore had gotten as an anniversary gift. That thing was loud. So SO loud.

 Kris used to cry whenever Tori used it…

 Tenna smiled sadly. His chest welled with fondness. Behind him, Asriel shuffled over and came to join him at the counter.

 “The decorations are in Pops’ room upstairs,” he explained groggily, “and if you turn that on, you’re gonna wake up the whole darn house. Just use the regular one.” He fished it out of the drawer and motioned for Tenna to pass him the electric, rubbing his eyes briefly before doing so.

 “Oh,” said Tenna, “b- but won’t that mess with the filling? The texture? The heavenly sweet smoothness?!”

 “It’ll be fine,” Asriel assured. He motioned again, and traded Tenna for the auto mixer. He yawned again as he bent over to tuck it back in the cupboard.

 There was an awkward lull. Tenna started mixing the filling, though his gaze kept flicking from Asriel’s tired, heavy face, and then to the dark sky beyond the kitchen windows. The black was beginning to brighten. The darkness was lighting up. Pale, dusty blue…

 Asriel helped him with the pie. He got the drys for the crust prepped while Tenna finished off the filling and then moved onto the wets. Together they picked, pressed, and got it fitted to the tin. Tenna spread seran wrap over the filling before he passed the bowl to Asriel, who placed it in the fridge alongside the crust.

 Tenna beamed as he quickly rinsed and dried his hands, before he hurried to cross “picture-perfect pie” off his to-do. Asriel watched him with a thin smile. “Whatcha doing…?”

 “I made a list,” Tenna said proudly.

 “For Kris’ birthday?” Asriel asked, laughing softly. It was a sincere, gentle laugh.

 Tenna was a bit baffled by the question, honestly. “Uh, yes? Asriel, this is Kris’ fifteenth birthday.” Maybe Asriel had just forgotten! Maybe he was still a bit groggy, so the reality of it all hadn’t fully hit him quite yet!

 “It is,” said Asriel, “and you’re acting like you’re about to go to war about it, or something.”

 “What,” said Tenna.

 “I don’t freaking know,” said Asriel, yawning again, “it’s early, man. Not much else we can do until Pops wakes up, so I’m gonna lay back down, if you’re good?”

 Tenna bounced on his heels and frowned at his list. The decorations! Oh, surely, SURELY, him or Asriel could just sneak in and nab them without waking Toriel, right? Then Toriel would have one less thing to fret about! 

 “...no,” Tenna said in a small, small voice, “I’m. Fine.”

 Asriel’s eyes softened. “...do you want some tea?”

 His feelers perked. “Are we, out of coffee…?” 

 “You wanna get the jitters on Kris’ birthday?”

 Okay. He had a point, there. Last time Tenna drank coffee, he got halfway through the cup before his claws started to shake so bad that he dropped it. Then he felt so bad when it broke that he felt sick. Then he started to beg Toriel not to throw him out, which led to him being taken by the hand to lay down for a bit, and then Toriel rubbed his back for a while, and that was nice. Maybe he could give decaf a go…?

 Tea would do just fine for now.

 ~~~

 “Wakey-wakey, birthday baby!”

 A rough, high voice crooned in Kris’ ear. They swatted at it blindly before rolling over to face the wall.

 “Awee, c’mon! Don’t tell me you’re gonna be a whiny BRAT on your special day.”

 Kris grunted into the pillow, “f’uh off.”

 “Now, now. None of THAT. Aren’t you a big kid, now? Don’t you wanna get up and open some presents?”

 Without opening their eyes, Kris lifted their head and tugged the blanket down from over their head. They leaned towards Eram where its weight pinned them down by the shoulder. “Why the hell does everything you say sound like you’re tryna make me feel like shit?”

 “‘Cause I am!” It admitted brightly. Kris pried their eyes open, and was met with the sight of Eram’s wide, toothy, orange-lit grin. The little black demon was sitting on them, looming as maliciously as possible for a creature the size of a grapefruit. The golden light of morning poured in through the bedroom window’s parted curtains and caught on the edges of its curled, gnarled horns.

 “Okay,” they said, flopping back down onto the pillow, “fuck you, too.” They brought their arm out to flip it off. They glanced up again in time to see its fiery forked tongue flick out at them mockingly, and rolled their eyes before closing them again.

 A light knock came from the door. “Coming in!”

 Kris’ eyes popped back open. They craned their head to look past Eram, who turned the top half of its body towards the door as it opened. Asriel poked his head in, and smiled when he saw that they were awake.

 “Hey, buddy! Good morning. Happy birthday!”

 Kris moved to roll back over. Eram floated up slightly, only to plop right back onto their chest, pinning them down as they tried to sit up. Seeing this, Asriel huffed and hurried over. “Hey,” he said sternly, “off. Now.”

 “No,” Eram said, “Kris doesn’t WANT a birthday. They wanna lay in bed and feel SORRY for themself all day.” Even without eyes, it cast a hauntly glare towards them over its ‘shoulder’. 

 Kris shook their head at this. Asriel, sighing heavily, pointed at the floor and glared at Eram sharply. “Off. Now.”

 Eram’s dark tendrils tensed and flexed irritably. “Ugh, FINE!” It rose up by a few inches and started to drift off of the bed’s comforter. Asriel shook his head and regarded it scornfully. His face began to soften as he looked back at Kris, only for them to watch his eyes widen when Eram suddenly snapped back around, and lunged towards them, mouth wide and full of flames. “BUT FIRST I GIVE THEM BIRTHDAY BITES, YES YES YES YES YES-”

 Kris squeaked and ducked under the covers. They slowly peeked back out when they heard a crunchy ‘ack!’, and looked out to watch as their brother squeezed Eram by the base where its upper mass fanned out into thin, slithery tendrils. A pair of glowing orange eyes now bulged comically from Eram’s face. Its slit pupils were locked onto their face.

 “Kris, hey. Come on. It’s a joke. It’s a birthday joke.”

 Asriel ignored this, and started to carry it over towards the cage near the foot of Kris’ bed. It squirmed and whined pathetically in his grasp.

 “KRIIIIIS! KRIS, TELL HIM IT’S JUST A JOOOOKE. COME OOOOOOON.”

 “Do you wanna spend Kris’ birthday in the cage?” Asriel asked without an ounce of humor or warmth in his voice.

 Eram shook its head. Asriel’s warm, dark eyes turned towards Kris, who pushed themself upright, and looked at him, before they shrugged mutely. He sighed, before he decided to let the little demon go with a sharp warning. “Behave.”

 Eram circled him a couple times, before it whirled around and ducked out into the hallway. As soon as it was gone, Asriel sighed, before he quickly shifted gears and returned to the side of the bed. Kris held their arms out when he leaned in to hug them. They hugged back, burrowing their nose into his neck.

 He laughed softly, “fifteen…”

 He said it like he couldn’t quite believe it. His snout pressed against their hair. The words came out airy and half-muffled.

 “I thought we told you to quit growing.”

 Kris snickered.

 I can’t really believe it, either…

 He eventually pulled away, and Kris slid out of bed. Asriel opened a drawer and gathered a neatly folded bundle of clothes. “You wanna go ahead and get dressed? Or do you wanna wait until it’s cake-time?”

 Kris pointed at the clothes and nodded. Asriel went to hold them out, glanced at their bandaged wrist, briefly looked kind of stupid and angry with himself, and quickly shifted gears to shuffle over and set them onto the bed. He laid them out in a spread while Kris reached under their bed and pulled out the pair of shiny black, knee-high heels they’d picked out last week.

 It was their birthday. They were allowed to pick out some nice clothes for the occasion. Their father explicitly said that it wasn’t a big deal when they were at the store. The clothes weren’t even that expensive! Altogether the outfit came out to about thirty dollars, which wasn’t that much…okay…it was a bit much for something they probably weren’t going to wear very much…

 …Kris mentally grabbed themself by the shoulder when they felt themself starting to slip.

 They stared at the clothes blankly. There was a blue short-sleeve shirt with a shiny purple stripe, which they would wear over a long-sleeve that was white with a bunch of black stripes on the sleeves. They also picked out a pair of jeans that they could tuck into the heels.

 Looking at it now, it probably wouldn’t look anywhere as cool as they imagined in their head.

 Maybe they should’ve told Papa ‘no thanks’ when he suggested some kind of birthday outfit.

 Maybe they were selfish for wanting to go without it at this point.

 Maybe they could skip a party this year. Maybe they should just go back to bed.

 “Oh!” Asriel said as he walked towards the door. He paused, face lighting up. “By the way, uh, Tenna is here! He came over a bit ago and got a jumpstart on your pie.”

 A cake AND a pie. And you want to go back to bed, and make it all go to waste. Greedy, greedy. Ungrateful.

 “Do you need help with anything, Kris?”

 They shook their head. Asriel lingered hesitantly, but once they picked up one of the shirts, he seemed content to leave them be, and stepped out into the hall. It took a while to get dressed. They didn’t realize just how many things in life were done best with two hands. Kris was pretty sure they were the only person alive who could manage to make themself feel guilty over having had their hand chopped off. How dare they not consider the struggles of amputees the world over until they were one. How FUCKING dare they.

 They did manage, though, and they supposed that made them feel happy. They shut the bedroom door behind them before they went to look at themself in the hallway mirror.

 …it’s me.

 The outfit didn’t look as stupid as they’d thought it would. It wasn’t stylish, but…they liked it. They stepped away and did a spin, and quickly stopped midway through when they rocked back on their high heels and just barely stopped themself from falling.

 Their arms shot out for balance. They made eye contact with their reflection.

 Wide, red eyes stared.

 …I’m fifteen years old, now. Whatever that means.

 They sighed. This was making them look stupid. Kris huffed and shook their head before they hurried down the hall. They made sure to keep their hand on the railing on the way downstairs.

 A rich, thick voice greeted them upon entering the kitchen. “Good morning, my child.”

 Kris mumbled out a tiny, “g’morning, Papa.”

 It came out as ‘puh-puh’, and they tried very hard not to cringe at this. If they were a big kid now, shouldn’t they talk like one? Toriel was in the middle of hanging up a colorful yellow-green party streamer. The ribbons were cut into flowers. Toriel passed the end he’d been holding to Asriel, who took over as Toriel hurried over to hug them.

 Tenna was over at the kitchen counter. Kris briefly caught a glimpse of the smile on his screen as he looked at them, waved, and picked up a metal bowl full of a gold-tinged, creamy filling that he began to pour out into a pie tin filled with a rich brown crust.

 Their father kneeled down with open arms. Kris leaned into the warmth. Delicate claws scratched lightly at their scalp as Toriel brushed a paw through their hair. He nuzzled at them with his snout, crooning with a deep rumble that had gradually crept into his voice over the past several months.

 “My baby,” Toriel said softly, “ohh, you are a mere few inches long. You are so small, and so very tiny that I worry that I may lose you if I were to set you down for a moment…”

 “‘M six-three,” Kris mumbled. Toriel chuckled around them

 “No, no,” Toriel argued in a playful, light tone, “you weigh a mere six pounds! I am holding you for the very first time in the hospital. It is dark outside, and you have not even opened your eyes yet!”

 “Puh-pa…”

 Toriel cooed again and leaned back to look at their face briefly. He cupped their cheeks between his palms, smiled, before he pressed a quick kiss upon their forehead, and finally pulled away. Kris pretended to rub it off with their sleeve. Then they walked over to the counter to say hi to Tenna.

 “Mornin’, starshine!”

 Kris bumped their head against him. He laughed. His claws were occupied with the bowl and the plastic spatula he was using to pour out the last bit of filling, so he stretched around and bowed his head to bump back affectionately.

 They smiled when the static from his screen made their cheeks prickle and caused their hair to go all frizzly.

 “Kris?” Toriel said, once again helping Asriel with the streamers, “I believe that your friends will be joining us shortly.”

 “Susie, Ralsei, and Berdly are eating breakfast right now,” Tenna said, nodding. “I popped over and helped them get all situated a bit ago.”

 “And I just got off the phone with Queen. She says that herself, Noelle, and Lancer will be here, albeit a few hours later due to…” He trailed off, and then snorted quietly, “‘Cool Swag Last Minute Birthday Present Acquisitions’.”

 Kris’ eyes lit up curiously.

 Asriel pressed a piece of tape against the ceiling to secure the streamer in place. He grunted slightly, straining himself as he reached down to take another stripe that Toriel was holding out for him. “And uh…Dad, yeah? You still want him to come?”

 “He will most likely arrive alongside Uncle Rudy,” said Toriel.

 Kris watched Toriel’s face. They watched him quickly turn his head away from them, just as a familiar grimace took hold. They glanced at the floor, before they nodded slowly.

 They didn’t want a big, big party.

 They said that Asgore could come if he wanted to. He probably did want to, knowing him.

 It was their birthday. They were allowed to invite him. They were also allowed to NOT invite…other people. Boundaries. That sort of thing. Right?

 Toriel’s voice was an airy huff when he spoke next, “Mister Tenna? Could you perhaps help Kris get a cup of hot chocolate once the pie is in the oven? The mix is in that cabinet, there.” He nodded at it as he turned around to pull another streamer from the pile. “And while you are at it, Kris, my dear, now would be a good time to take your medication.”

 They groaned.

 “I know,” Toriel offered sympathetically, “how dare I not want you to be in pain on your birthday.”

 They waved their amputated wrist around dramatically, and briefly mimed the act of smacking it against the countertop while Tenna opened the cabinet. The door opened, and inside, an orange grin greeted them with brimstone-laced fangs wide and aglow.

 “Drugs for the birthday baby!” Eram snickered as it held out the pill bottle. It shook the contents towards Kris mockingly, and yanked them away when they grabbed for it. “C’mon, baby! Take your drugs so you don’t WHINE the whole time!”

 Tenna clicked his tongue.

 One of Eram’s eyes pried open. It looked at Tenna. Tenna looked at it.

 One of his feelers twitched.

 Eram’s other eye appeared as a horizontal slit split open alongside the first. It was curled up among the various over the counter medications and assorted bandages, ointments, and bottled medical supplies that Toriel kept downstairs for easy access. Its body was a crumpled up mass of cloth. In the shadows of the cabinet, its black, leathery ‘skin’ had a heavy, sleek texture.

 It reared back a hair, as if poised to lunge. Like a cat readily to pounce. Its maw opened further. Its hiss was a sizzling hot warning.

 Tenna, in kind, merely tilted his screen downwards slightly, and maintained ‘eye’ contact with Eram. Did it count as ‘unblinking’ when one of them didn’t have eyes at the moment?

 With that funny outfit he had on, the whole thing kind of felt like the world’s most ridiculous, tonally off-beat western stand-off: a birthday clown with a TV head, versus a fanged demon from an 8-bit pixel hellish video game.

 To their surprise, the demon blinked first. Literally and figuratively.

 Eram stretched its tendril further so Kris didn’t have to reach so far. As soon as they had the bottle in their hand, Tenna’s claw flashed by in a purple-tinted blur to slam the cabinet shut with a firm bang. A gargled screech rang out inside. Kris couldn’t help but wince when Eram tugged its tendril back just barely in time.

 “WHAT THE FUUUUU-”

 “Pie should be done in about an hour!” Tenna carried it over and sing-songed as he plopped it into the oven. He spun around, closed the door with a nudge of his hip, and clapped his hands together. A somewhat manic, strained grin glowed bright on his display. “Now, let’s get our little birthday star some hot cocoa, huh folks?!”

 He paused.

 A bird sang somewhere outside.

 Kris watched in real time as he once again mourned his bygone, personal audience. He didn’t dwell on it, though, which made them happy for his sake. Tenna rinsed his hands off and got to work on the cocoa.

 Kris stepped back a few paces. Their gaze drifted into the living. Specifically, towards the piano.

 They looked at Toriel. Sensing their gaze, he looked over his shoulder at them, confused. Kris thought that it was kind of funny, seeing him and Asriel side-by-side. When he first became their dad, they mentally pictured him looking a lot like Asgore (mostly because Asgore was the only other ‘guy’ Boss Monster they had ever met in their entire life, aside from their brother). Toriel’s fur grew out in a midlength, fluffy golden mane that framed his head like a sunflower. His horns were beginning to grow longer, too, and swept backwards over his floppy ears. He had a goatee on his chin that looked scruffy, but was actually really soft.

 Aside from how he wore some of his mane tied up in a bun, he basically just looked like a bigger, older Asriel. The glasses did not help in this regard.

 “Kris? Is something the matter, my child?”

 They made a soft sound as they nodded towards the piano.

 Toriel looked at it. “Oh! You would like to play? My child, you do not need to ask such a thing! Of course you may.”

 “I’ll bring you your cocoa, hon!” Tenna chimed.

 Kris bounded over to the piano without further delay. Outside, they heard a bird singing brightly. They looked through the windows and saw the green leaves ripple and shift in a fresh, early summer’s breeze.

 Their hand went to the keys. Their fingers spread and bent on practiced impulse.

 They wondered…they HOPED that later, maybe sometime before, after, or even during the party, that maybe Susie would want to play with them a bit. She was getting real good at the piano. An anxious, desperate part of them wondered (or was it fear?) that after a while, Susie would want to play on her own. The deal was that as long as they taught her how to play, they could still be friends, after all.

 Kris kind of understood that it was mostly just Susie putting on a mean tough girl act, because she’d been freshly hurt and freaked out by what happened with them, the soul, Tenna, the man, and…well…all of that.

 But, still.

 Part of them wondered. Part of them was still very small, and very, very scared.

 The music helped. Music was a blanket. They pulled it from the keys and tugged it over their head. They closed their eyes and felt the notes vibrate through their fingers. Their knee bounced to the beat of whatever light little one-handed tune they could manage. It felt nice.

 It was their birthday, after all.

 They were supposed to enjoy it.

~~~

 “Susie, I don’t know if Mr. Toriel would appreciate you-”

 “Susie, I agree and concur with Ralsei, perhaps a different plan of approach is in order-”

 “Yorp?”

 “KRIS! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ASSHOLE!!”

 Susie kicked the front door open, and then stepped right on through. She snapped her head towards the piano, saw Kris, ran over to Kris, snatched them off of the bench, and crushed them against her chest in a hug as she spun around and cackled loudly.

 “PAHAHAHA! YOU’RE OLD! HOW’S IT FEEL TO BE OLD, YA FREAKIN’ WEIRDO?!”

 She stopped spinning for a second to adjust them in her arms. Kris had gone limp the moment she picked them up. Their arms dangled over hers like they were made of rubber, and when she swayed, their legs followed the motion, kind of like that metal dangly thing on those old clocks (whatever the hell it was called).

 Still chuckling, she set them down and rested her chin atop their head. “How’s it goin’? Have you paid any TAXES, yet?”

 Kris’ reply came out in a slurred, dizzy grumble, “I dun’t do ‘axes un’il ‘m an adult…?”

 They tilted their head back to look up at her. Susie had her arms locked over their chest, holding them in place where they stood in the center of the Dreemurr family living room, which, now that she looked around, was looking REAL set for an AWESOME birthday party. There were streamers hung up that looked like those buttercups that Toriel liked to have around, and some shiny green hearts that were tapped to the walls here and over in the kitchen around the table. Above the piano hung a white banner that read “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KRIS!” in bubbly yellow letters. On the piano itself Susie saw a mug that was probably empty by now, because knowing Kris, they had some hot cocoa in there.

 “Hi Susie,” Kris mumbled, still dizzy.

 “Hey, Kris.”

 Their right hand grabbed her lightly by the forearm. Their left arm dangled. Susie looked down at them for a moment. Her smile softened. “Nice outfit. Did, uh, Mettaton help ya with it?”

 Susie bit back a chuckle when their cheeks darkened. “...no…kind of…copying him, I guess…when I picked it out…?”

 “It suits ya,” she offered kindly, “the heels, especially. You could TOTALLY stamp on a zombie’s head until it busts open with those!”

 “Oh,” said Kris, “...cool.” Their eyes twinkled at this. Susie let a laugh slip through as she ruffled their hair. They half-whined and slapped at her talon, but she pulled away in time to dodge it. As she did, Ralsei, followed by Berdly and Loyal, entered. Berdly shut the door behind them politely.

 “Hello, children!” Toriel was laughing as he stepped out from the kitchen. Susie felt her muscles stiffen for just a second, before she remembered she could drop her shoulders here. “Susie, Ralsei, Berdly. Oh, and hello, Loyal! Thank you all for coming!”

 Loyal bounced over on its stubby legs and circled around Toriel. His shoulders bounced as he looked down to laugh at the purple-blue whatever-the-fuck-it-was. No really, it had been months, and Susie still wasn’t sure what Loyal actually was. It barked, sort of, so maybe a dog?

 “Kris?” Toriel glanced at them with a light, but probing expression.

 They cleared their throat, “...thank you for comin’ for muh birthday…”

 Ralsei walked over, and Kris opened their arms to invite her in for a hug. Susie saw Berdly open his beak. He was PROBABLY about to say some real cheesy boyfriend shit to Kris, but nah. No time for that.

 “Ah, Kris! My beloved Krisanthemum. My dearest- ACK!”

 Susie grabbed him, Ralsei, and Kris, and squeezed them all together in her arms. Berdly squawked while Ralsei squeaked, and Kris made a tiny little ‘huh-wah’, probably because they weren’t expecting to be hugged again so soon.

 Susie let them all go. She glanced over her shoulder briefly at Toriel, and remembered to breathe when she caught him giggling into his paw. It’s fine. It’s cool. It’s okay to be loud, here. It’s fine. It’s literally fine.

 “H- happy birthday, Kris!” Ralsei’s fur was all fluffed up from the hug. She laughed shakily, and held out a clean, pinkish envelope that was sealed shut with a smiley face-shaped sticker. It sat on top of a foil-wrapped plate. “I baked cookies! And I also made you a card.”

 “Gasp! Ralsei, you mustn’t tell the birthday enban what lies within their presents. We must adhere to the tradition of secrecy surrounding one's birthday gifts!” Berdly gestured smoothly to the package he held tucked under his arm, which was blue and wrapped in a bright, shiny green ribbon. 

 “Oh well that’s fine,” said Ralsei flatly. She smiled at Kris and perked right back up, “heehee. Happy Birthday, Kris. I am so glad that you’re my friend!”

 Kris nodded as they took the envelope.

 “Mr. Dreemurr? Whereabouts may we deposit our wrapped offerings to the birthday enban of the day?” 

 “On the kitchen table will work just fine, Berdly dear.”

 “Excellent!” With big, wide, strutting strides, Berdly tossed his head back as he walked into the kitchen. Loyal yipped and followed at his heels.

 Fucking dork.

 Susie’s claws twitched near the weight in her jeans’ pocket. She asked Toriel, “uh…mine’s kinda…smaller…is it okay if I just hang onto it and give it to ‘em later?” Her chest tightened. It’s small, and a small gift isn’t as good as a bigger one. Bigger stuff means more, doesn’t it? Do they think I don’t care as much? Am I a bad friend?

 Kris was too busy using their nails to pry Ralsei’s card open to notice. She kept offering to help, but they kept shaking their head. Susie saw them nod towards the kitchen, and after a bit of hesitation, Ralsei went with the cookies to carry them to the table.

 “That will be just fine, Susie,” Toriel said softly, “in the meantime, would you perhaps like a cup of tea? I just sent Asriel into town to fetch some things, so when he is back, we will have some little things here or there that you might like to munch on until it is time for cake.”

 “Like what?”

 “Assorted meats and little cheese cubes. And some fruits and vegetables, also.”

 Susie dimly heard Queen going on about meats and fruits in someone’s castle walls, and grinned. “Yeah, that’s cool! When, uh…when is cake time, exactly?”

 “Later in the afternoon,” explained Toriel, “as I understand, Queen needed to make a trip to the city to fetch some things, so we are waiting on them. In the meantime…Kris, dear? Do you need help?”

 They made a high, strained noise of frustration. The smiley face sticker was ripped, but the envelope was still held closed by the papery layer underneath the yellow plastic. They huffed as they held the envelope towards their father, who smiled gently as he went to help.

 Susie then heard Tenna’s voice in the kitchen. “I heard something about tea!”

 She then heard a muffled, scratchy voice, but she wasn’t sure from where or what it said. Whatever it said, Tenna spoke over it a bit more loudly. “YUP. TEA. LEAVE IT TO ME TO PUT THE ‘T’ IN ‘TEA TIME’, HAA HAA!”

 Tenna’s voice dropped back down as she rounded the corner and saw him. It took all her restraint not to burst out laughing. What was he, a birthday clown? He looked goofy with that pink shirt and that big bowtie.

 …he kind of looked a bit like…how he used to look…before…

 “Hey, Tenna!”

 He turned, and his screen lit up. “Hel-LO, Susiezilla! You are here to bring the BASH in birthday bash, I reckon?”

 “Heh. Fuck yeah I am. What’s up with your outfit?” She pointed.

 He chuckled, “hehehe, OHHH, just! A little idea I had, ya know. Thought it’d fit the mood and all that.” His smile fell briefly, “why does it look bad or something?”

 “Nah,” she said quickly, shaking her head, “it’s cool! It’s real…”

 Her eyes flicked towards Ralsei pleadingly. Ralsei looked up just in time, met her gaze, glanced at Tenna, and smiled wide. “It’s very cute, Mister Tenna! You look like a walking birthday cake.”

 Don’t laugh, don’t laugh, don’t laugh.

 “There is a certain charm to the ‘silly’ and ‘cheesy’,” Berdly said with a feathered finger raised pointedly, “mmm, yes, indeed. While some would perhaps consider such an ensemble to be a tad ‘cringe’, what many call cringe is, in fact, raw, true SINCERITY! And in days like those we live in now, such vulnerable displays of mirth and delight CANNOT be understated.”

 “Awe! Thank you, Berdly.”

 “You do resemble something of a cheap birthday clown, however, Mr. Tenna.”

 If he had eyes, Tenna would probably blink at that. His smile was stuck half-open on his screen. There was a faint pop in his static before he chuckled lightly, and slowly turned back to the counter. “Ah. Well. That’s fair, actually.”

 Susie guessed ‘cheap, cringy birthday clown’ WAS Kris’ kind of thing. They were weird like that. It was just one of the many things she’d gotten to learn about them ever since the world ended.

 Kris was into goofy, cheesy shit.

 Kris liked musicals and fancy, hard-to-play piano music.

 Kris liked horror movies where they used practical effects, even when they were bad and you could tell the creature wasn’t real.

 Kris liked TV. She still didn’t really get how it worked, but she understood that they kind of ‘made’ Tenna when they were a little kid, and that that was why he was the way he was. Tenna was also the way that he was because he was a person, and also because a lot of fucked up shit happened to him.

 The same applied to her. She didn’t want to think about this shit today, man. It was Kris’ birthday! They were on the couch reading Ralsei’s card. They had heavy, focused eyes that shone where the sun hit the red.

 Kris’ eyes always had a sort of ‘far away’ look, back when they were possessed, or whatever…seeing their eyes all lit up now, while she was here to celebrate their birthday…

 …

 …she was really glad that they were her friend.

~~~

 Asriel returned at about half an hour past noon. Toriel was on the landline with Queen when he walked in the door with several plastic snack trays held precariously in one arm.

 “So Yeah We Are OTW (On The Way) RN (Right Now) And Will BRT (Be Right There) In Just A Few (A Few Minutes).”

 He laughed into the receiver, “heehee, thank you, Queen. I am aware what most of those are short for, bee-tee-w.” He wondered, dimly, if the wink was audible, somehow, through the phone.

 “Oh Ha Ha Sorry. I Forgor That You Are A Fellow Hashtag Hip With The Youth Old Person,” Queen’s chortle crackled through the line.

 “You…Forgor? Who is that?”

 “(Funny Meme Way Of Saying Forgot).”

 “Oh! I see. I will have to make sure not to…forgor that!” When Toriel giggled, he heard Kris groan nearby. He shot them a playful glare towards where they were sitting at the piano next to Susie. They rolled their eyes dramatically.

 He wished Queen a safe ride back to Home Town, and politely hung up. 

 “Do either of you want another cup of tea?” He asked Kris and Susie.

 Kris shook their head, while Susie’s fangs poked out as her grin widened. “I’ll take some more, yeah!” She scooped her cup up to pass to Toriel. “Uh! Please…and thank you.”

 “Of course, dear. Tenna? Is everything going alright in there?”

 Asriel had gone ahead and put the trays in the fridge. He mentioned needing to fetch something from upstairs (which Toriel knew meant that he was getting Kris’ presents), leaving Tenna as Toriel rounded the corner and saw the TV holding a pair of oven mitts out with a worried furrow above the empty, eyeless space on his display.

 “Uh,” he sputtered, “y- yup! Just. My claws might…make this a bit difficult, is the thing.” He flexed one as though to demonstrate.

 “Ah! Right. You cannot retract your claws, correct?”

 Tenna nodded. His feelers bobbed and wobbled about loosely. “Used to have the gloves to give a bit of ‘padding’.” His smile was one-sided with a strained, pained edge. “...maybe I should’ve jogged over to Castle Town and grabbed one of the pairs in the studio. But…never mind.”

 “...is there something the matter with the gloves at your studio?” Toriel asked carefully.

 Tenna shrugged. “They don’t. FEEL right. Not like they used to. I tried wearing some the other day, and…I dunno…you know how you can tell when a shirt or something isn’t gonna fit, even before you’ve got it on all the way?”

 Toriel nodded. “Yes, I do. It can be rather frustrating and a tad disheartening when that happens. Especially when it is an item of clothing you were hoping to see yourself in, or one that you have…outgrown.”

 He hated how Tenna flinched at that word.

 Oh, you poor thing.

 He kept his smile and voice soft, steady, and above all else, sympathetic. “I can get the pie from the oven, if it may be easier for you to pour another cup of tea for Susie?”

 To Toriel’s relief, this caused Tenna to brighten. His smile eased as he jolted upright. Nodding fast, he passed him the gloves, which were traded for the empty mug. “Can do! One tea for Susiezilla, coming riiiiiiight up! Heh!”

 Toriel pulled the pie out and set it on the counter to cool. He supposed it might be wiser to leave it in the fridge, but it was a bit crowded in there at the moment, between Kris’ cake and all those snack trays. A grin tugged at his snout as he quickly realized that he had the opportunity to recreate that trope from all the cartoons of leaving the pie on the windowsill to cool.

 I do hope no mischievous dogs or similar characters are out and about…!

 Giggling, he opened the window about halfway, and set the pie on the sill carefully. The worst case scenario was that a fly might land on it. Toriel supposed he’d simply have to live with that possibility.

 And IF those local canine ‘criminals’ that had been in and out of the police station DID decide to pull anything FUNNY on his youngest child’s birthday, well…

 ‘In my defense, officer Undyne and/or Napstablook: my baby had their hand cut off a few months ago during a hellish, horrifically traumatic week, during which time they were possessed by the central deity of a religion we’ve practiced for their entire life and over half of my own. Oh, and also, this angel turned their imaginary friend and our beloved family television into a frightful demonic beast, and then later on into a sword. So PARDON ME for being a bit BOTHERED at someone spoiling their SPECIAL DAY.’

 It was just funny. One of those trains of thoughts he’d found it much easier to follow ever since he went from a Ms. to a Mr. Something had loosened. Being angry or defensive or simply annoyed felt less like an exercise in patience, and more an act of assertion.

 He did not feel like he had to be as NICE as he used to.

 Testosterone is amazing! Anyway.

 Time passed to the tune of the piano. There came a knock at the door. Before he even opened it, Toriel was braced and ready. He took a breath, turned the knob, and greeted a smiling Asgore and Rudolph with a polite grin.

 “Hello, Toriel!”

 “Mornin’, Tor!”

 “Rudolph,” Toriel said warmly. His eyes glazed when he lifted them and stared ahead down the front walkway. “...Asgore. It is very nice to see you two. Thank you for making it for Kris’ birthday.”

 “Ah, like hell I’d miss it! Where is the little rascal?”

 As Toriel stepped aside so Rudolph could roll in, Asgore’s gaze remained trained on his partner’s chair’s wheels. He glanced at him briefly, and immediately dropped his stare again when Toriel’s snout crinkled.

 “Kris,” Asgore said, face brightening as he saw them at the piano. They looked up, and did not smile. “My dear child! Happy birthday!”

 Asgore held his arms out expectantly.

 Kris did not get up. “...hi Dad…hi Uncle Rudy…”

 “Happy birthday, kid. What did we tell ya about growing up?” With crinkles eyes and a bright grin, Rudy reached out to ruffle Kris’ hair. They leaned into the touch while he chuckled, before his eyes widened, and he whipped his head towards Toriel. “Have you measured them yet? I swear, this kid’s gonna be taller than you by the time they’re graduating high school.”

 Rudolph laughed again fondly. Asgore, finally registering that he would not be getting a hug, dropped his arms and laughed along softly.

 “We have not. Kris, dear? Would you like to stand at the wall this year?”

 They nodded. Susie snickered when they stood up and started to hobble their way gracefully over to the wall next to Chairel. “Pfft, uh, Kris? I think you might…”

 She kept snickering as she pointed at their heeled boots. Kris looked down, confused. Their brow furrowed. It seemed to have slipped their mind.

 “Need some help?” Susie asked.

 Kris accepted the offer with an embarrassed head bob. Susie helped by holding their boots so they could step out, one foot at a time. Toriel fetched a marker from a kitchen drawer, and carefully pressed a palm to smooth down Kris’ fluffy curls as he squinted and eyed the wall while they leaned against it. He marked a thick black dash, and gestured for them to step away.

 Rudolph whistled, “gol-LY, kid. Tor, what the heck are you feeding them?”

 “A whole inch! Are you quite certain that you even need those heels, Kris?” Asgore asked slyly. He thought he was sly, probably.

 As if to answer, Kris sat down on Chairel and quickly pulled the boots back on. Toriel bit his tongue. It was a wonderful, wonderful day. It was such a blessing that they could all gather in celebration of Kris’ birthday. Kris specifically asked if Asgore could come, so it was only right that Toriel treat him kindly as a guest in their home. Kris specifically asked if the party could be ‘chill’. No fighting. No arguing.

 Toriel could do chill.

 He could behave. The question was if the effort he was putting forth to being civil and mature would be answered in kind.

 Asgore brushed a paw through his mane. The yellow of his fur had a brown, brassy tinge to it. His mane was coarse in texture, also. A twinge panged inside of Toriel. Pride, maybe.

 I am handling that things have changed better than you are. You still think we can go back. We cannot, and I will not even pretend to be sorry about it.

 In the kitchen, he heard Berdly talking about some game or another with Ralsei. He also heard Asriel muttering to himself as he busied himself by laying the plates and silverware out. He glanced at the clock, and then glanced over at Asgore, who was being very blatant in his staring as he stared and stared, and tugged awkwardly at his paws.

 “Would either of you care for a cup of tea while we wait for everyone else to arrive?” Toriel asked with his brows raised pointedly.

 Asgore blinked. He shook out his mane, while Rudy wheeled into the kitchen. “Tea’s nice, yeah. C’mon, Gori. I need your help getting the presents out.”

 “A-ah! Yes,” said Asgore, “those were in the saddlebag, correct?”

 “Hey, Dad,” Asriel greeted kindly.

 “Asriel! Oh, my dear boy, how are you? How is college coming along?”

 “It’s going alright! Oh, you can put all of those over there. And just a sec, Uncle Rudy, I’ll move some chairs so you got room.”

 Chill. Simple. Calm. How very lucky they all were to be here together. How very, VERY lucky they were. Toriel heard Asgore, Rudy, and Tenna exchange greetings and strained every muscle in his body. Perhaps it wasn’t only the righteous, helpful anger that had been loosened ever since he began to grow out this mane of his. He felt somehow small and too big all at once, and tense and anxious and frustrated at some vague something he couldn’t quite put to words. Something other than Asgore with all his smiles. All his flowers. All his sickly, saccharine offers that they could just start over. Like none of that ever happened. Like things weren’t different.

 …as if Toriel would just step back into the role of queenly wife to his kingly chief of police…

 …no. I am being cruel, now. I am getting angry at a version of him that exists largely inside my head. I did that an awful lot, back when December disappeared, and it led me to say many awful things, and him to do so in kind. We were not kind together. It was never going to work out.

 Now, I am the childish idiot. Now, I am the fool.

 He felt like a teenager again, and he was not too fond of it. All pettiness. All small-minded jabs. He wanted to scream. He was standing in his living room, and all he wanted was to go home. Anxious and listless and clumsy, even more so when he tried to move with grace.

 A strange, unnatural child.

 He bristled. It would get better once the party was done. Focusing on making it go smoothly for Kris held him steady. He found the humor in it…yes, he was once again a strange, unnatural child, and it took focusing on wanting to throw a good birthday party for a child some would consider strange and unnatural for him to keep his shit together.

 It was funny.

 Toriel didn’t laugh, though. He was too annoyed.

~~~

 Tenna heard Queen’s approach several minutes before she pulled into the driveway. He was pretty sure everyone in Home Town could hear that epic mixtape of hers going at full blast! He glanced up from the counter to see Toriel get up to greet the new arrivals at the door.

 The music died, and not even half a beat later, the front door opened with a very regal and very queenly bang.

 “Hello Yes The Party Has ‘Arrived’.”

 “Hi guys! Hi, Kris!”

 “Susie! And birthday person, also!!”

 The sounds of Queen’s processed, hooting laughter, along with Noelle’s soft voice and Lancer’s eager bound were expected. What Tenna didn’t expect was an additional pair of sharp metallic footsteps. His feelers perked slightly as he tentatively rounded the corner and leaned to look into the living room, just in time to see a man that was all legs (and they were some PHENOMENAL legs) saunter in.

 “I hear that SOMEBODY is turning fifteen today!”

 Mettaton’s eye twinkled. As did the rest of that fancy new body of his. Alphys had REALLY outdone herself! Tenna wasn’t the brightest when it came to the finer details of robotics, despite being a robotic being himself for basically his entire existence, but you didn’t need a doctorate to know style when you saw it. The glossy jet blacks and hot, fiery pinks of Mettaton screamed against the gentle yellows and brown-golds of the living room.

 With a pair of stuffed shopping bags hooked on each long, tubed arm, Mettaton shut the door with a kick of his killer heels, and beamed a show-stopping smile. Or, well. Show-starting, Tenna supposed!

 “Mr. Mettaton! How very lovely of you to…make an entrance!” Toriel’s smile hesitantly reached his eyes easily as he welcomed their surprise guest star warmly.

 “Oh but of COURSE, Toriel darling. When Queenie mentioned that she was headed to Kris’ party, I couldn’t NOT come along to give this birthday bash the proper M.T.T. Birthday Bash Treatment.” He bobbed his head in the impression of a wink.

 “Ah! Well…we are…certainly…surprised!” Toriel cast a telling glance towards Queen.

 Queen had a fair few bags of her own hanging by her shoulder. She slid a pair of sunglasses off of her nose so they were now perched near the curve of her elongated head. “LOL Yeah We Swung By His Place On The Way Outta Town.”

 “I see,” said Toriel patiently.

 Tenna smiled for half a second, before his gaze immediately snapped towards Kris. Is this okay? You didn’t say that you wanted him to come, but you also didn’t say you DIDN’T want him to come. It’s okay if it isn’t okay.

 The tight ball of worry that formed in Tenna’s chest quickly loosened when Kris’ face brightened. They rose from the piano bench to walk over to Mettaton. Mettaton let the bags slide off of his arms to set them on the floor, leaving his hands free to fly down and grab Kris’ face by the cheeks.

 The tightness returned as Tenna’s feelers raised anxiously. At the exact same time, he saw Toriel’s ears perk as he bristled and squared his shoulders.

 They don’t always like that sort of thing, please don’t take it personally if they shrink away, they aren’t doing it to be mean, they just need their space sometimes.

 And once again came the relief. Mettaton gave Kris’ cheeks an endearing squeeze, and Kris’ eyes scrunched up as they began to smile. Tenna allowed himself to smile, too. As did Toriel. Mettaton leaned down towards Kris and shifted a hand up to ruffle at their hair.

 “Oh, KRIS, I am LOVING this look of yours, dear. Who are you wearing? Those heels were MADE for you, darling, they were just MADE for you!”

 “The tag was ripped off when I got ‘em,” Kris said flatly.

 “A bit of mystery, then? Love it. That top suits you marvelously, too, of course. Purples and blues look stunning on you.”

 He pat their head. Kris’ cheeks flushed. Toriel had gone ahead and taken it upon himself to get all the bags over to the now generously crowded pile. Noelle and Queen helped along with Lancer.

 “‘Sup, Mettanerd,” snickered Susie. She looked at the gifts with her hands on her hips, and hollered at him over her shoulder, “so are you gonna, like, do some kind of music video routine for Kris’ birthday? Pfft.”

 “That depends,” Mettaton answered, “does our little birthday star want something upbeat, or are we keeping this more on the mellow, low-key side of things?” He directed the question to Kris with his brow raised at attention.

 “Low-key,” Kris blurted. They cleared their throat and repeated themself more softly, “...low-key…please…”

 “Alright, then! What the birthday star wants, so the birthday star gets.”

 The relief at how quick and simple that was shone clearly on Kris’ face. Mettaton grinned. His gaze softened when he looked at Tenna. “Hello, darling. And aren’t YOU looking all dolled up and dandy, too!”

 He reached, and his arm stretched and stretched, going far enough so he could adjust Tenna’s tie from all the way near the piano. A wobbly chuckle crinkled in Tenna’s speakers. Mettaton’s other hand looped over his shoulder on its way around the bend and into the kitchen. It quickly retracted with a mechanical wzzt, having grabbed a singular slide of cheese from one of the snack trays.

 It really wasn’t anything crazy as far as birthday parties went. That was always the case when it came to birthdays in the Dreemurr household. The party largely consisted of Kris and Susie playing the piano while everyone chatted and joked and laughed. It was familiar. Comfortable. So familiar, in fact, that it took Queen putting a hand on his shoulder and asking him about the ratio of meats to fruits for Tenna to snap back to himself. 

 Oh right, he remembered with a weary chuckle, I’m here. I am a person, not a box chained to the wall.

 He was…here! Present! In the moment, and everything!

 Please stop growing up.

 Laughter! Smiles!

 Stop getting older. I need you to be tiny and sweet, so I can hold and love you forever.

 Time for presents! Presents, presents, present! That was him! Present! In the moment! This wonderful, beautiful, precious moment, which he was SO happy for and so HAPPY for KRIS, because it was GOOD that they were growing up, it was GREAT, it was SO WONDERFUL and-

 Gori, stop making gah-gah eyes at Rudy. It is making Tori make murder eyes at YOU. And I am also a bit annoyed by it. Read the room, Gor. READ THE ROOM.

 A thought sprung up that made his innards churn. One of those half-formed, barely shapened thoughts that popped up on their own and overstayed, and stayed, and stayed. He shoved it down. It stayed put.

 A reddened, stained floor of cracked, dirty tiles. Neat, tidy orange tiles in an empty, empty room. A dark, dark room. My little star, half asleep on the couch. Stop that. Stop. That. Get away from them. Don’t touch them.

 There wasn’t any point in a ‘why’. It would come whenever it pleased.

 Don’t TOUCH them.

 He felt dirty. He heard himself fawn over each present Kris unwrapped or pulled out, but it was like how he used to. He wasn’t there. He was all the way on the stand. Except the stand was gone. When Toriel smiled at a joke Asgore cracked, he was merely being polite for Kris’ sake.

 It happened in this house. It happened in here. It happened right over there on that couch. How are you all so calm? 

 Had he really been there when it happened? The time after their surgery, and then during that terrible week that started off with that awful, horrible night here at home? It all felt so fuzzy and far away when he thought back to it. The scenes came by between blips of crimson static. These hands of his with the shiny metal claws couldn’t be the same ones that rended and cleaved a warpath through the Holiday house! He didn’t scare Kris! He didn’t hurt anyone, right?!

 How can you trust me after what I did? How can you trust me with this key, knowing what I did? What I almost did?

 Tenna looked over at Toriel in search of answers, but Toriel had his back turned as he helped gather all the empty bags and wrapping paper into a trash bag. Someone nudged at him lightly. Tenna’s static popped. He met Mettaton’s gaze and managed a grin when he saw that he was smiling.

 “Penny for your thoughts, handsome?” Mettaton asked coyly.

 You do not want these thoughts. These thoughts are worth fuck all and not a single darn damn. These thoughts aren’t fit to be heard in so much as a seedy motel.

 “Oh! Just! A bit choked up about Kris gettin’ older.” It wasn’t a full lie. It was just mostly a bit of a smidge of a lie. It was fine. Everything was fine. Sometimes, he looked in the mirror, and expected to be met with a pair of eyes. It was fine.

 Mettaton made a sympathetic sound and patted Tenna’s back lightly. “Awe, Tenna. You are so sweet, you know that? Kris gets it from you, no doubt.”

 That wasn’t how that worked. Tenna would be kind and spare Mettaton the correction and the explanation it would require. Instead, he just laughed and smiled, and looked at Kris until another thought swelled up, and he decided it would be safer for everyone if he picked a spot on the wall and kept his gaze there, instead.

 It was then time for the pie. And cake, but the pie was the important part.

 Toriel took him to the side and asked if he’d perhaps like to pose with Kris for their photo. Another beloved, cherished family tradition. One he had witnessed so many times from his little perch. Always there. So close. Just barely out of reach.

 Reaching out towards the enemy. The white dog is bothering Kris. Kris needs me, Kris NEEDS me. I’m Kris’ entire world! They don’t need anybody or anything else except for their old friend, Mister Tenna! Kris will be safe and sweet with me forever. Reaching, reaching.

 He watched Toriel’s paws handle the knife with bated breath. 

 He told himself that it was safe- that HE was safe. He would not be here if Toriel wasn’t sure that he was safe. If he had done anything by now, Kris would’ve told him so, or perhaps spoken to Toriel so they could all touch base and sort it out.

 “Oh, uh! Gee. Does, uh, Kris, like the sound of that?” Trying to find the words felt like walking on his heels across a field of molten glass shards. “It’s just! Normally- traditionally, it’s either you or Asgore, and one of you does the photo, and well, I just don’t wanna impose or…” His voice died with a faint crackle-buzz when Toriel raised a paw, and gently took him by the talon.

 “Tenna,” said Toriel, “dear. You are family, remember?”

 And I hurt them, and I hurt so many people, and I SCARED them, and I-

 “I know.” His voice was small. His volume was up. Why was his voice so small?

 Somehow, he missed shrinking down when he got glooby. It was easier. How was he supposed to walk around with all this gloobiness inside? How did people LIVE like this?

 How am I still alive after all of that? I was supposed to die. Now I’m still here, and it’s still all so terrifying.

 “I do believe that Kris will be more than happy for you to join them for their birthday photo. Could you unwrap those candles, perhaps? I need to go upstairs to fetch the lighter.”

 Tenna could do that. His claws made quick work of getting the candles out of the packaging. He carefully stuck them onto the slice of cake that Toriel had portioned, and checked the table. Noelle was showing Kris how to get a little handheld console she’d gifted them plugged up and charging. It was one of those ones that could be played in your hands or hooked up to a television and played via controller. She’d even gone ahead and with Queen’s help bought a special controller for it that would work with just one hand! Fancy, fancy. 

 Back when Kris was small and Tenna was new, the biggest thing in the world of gaming was when you got all the RCA cables plugged into the right ports on the first try! Oh, how Asriel used to fuss whenever him and Kris wanted to play a few rounds of Super Smashing Fighters! Kris tried a few times, but their little hands were so clumsy back then, so they’d get annoyed and huff and just look so cute and sweet, all pouty a- please don’t make this sort of thought a bad one. Please. Can I please think about them being cute and not feel the bugs squirming underneath? Please?

 Toriel returned, lighter in paw. And he brought something else, too.

 “What’s that?” Tenna dipped his feelers towards a small cloth satchel as Toriel set it on the counter and went to light the candles.

 “A little pin that I found online,” Toriel explained brightly, “I found someone who takes custom orders. It is, I will admit, perhaps a tad ‘cringe’, but well…” His eyes drifted over to the table. Susie was crouched down by Kris’ shoulder as they sat cross-legged on the floor near the wall socket. The console rested in their lap. They fiddled experimentally with the controller, and grinned when Susie leaned in and mumbled something in their ear.

 Toriel let the pin fall out of the pouch into his open palm. It really was a simple little thing. Green, with a red apple design bearing the words ‘#1 Birthday Kiddo’ in bubbly, cheerful letters.

 “...I reckon they’ll appreciate it,” Tenna finished for Toriel.

 Toriel nodded.

 There was a knock at the door, then. They both froze. The two exchanged a quick look of “okay who the FUCK is that” before Tenna, always ready to make life just a bit easier wherever possible, waved Toriel back casually. “I’ll get it! You focus on getting everyone set for the photo and song and all that jazz.”

 In lue of a colorful word, he mimed jazz hands, and spun round on his heels. He opened the door. He then looked down. And then, his smile plummeted.

 “‘Ello, luv.”

 …OH OF COURSE. SURE. SURE. YUP. OKAY. FINE. FINE FINE FINE FINE FINE, it’s fine, it’s literally fine.

 The air sizzled as Tenna pulled it into his vents sharply. He said the plug’s name with a polite spat. “Ramb…hello…”

 “Kris shot me a text just a while ago,” Ramb explained with a steady, overly pleasant smile, “I take it they didn’t mention them askin’ me to drop in for cake and pie, then?”

 “They did not…”

 Tenna knew that Ramb wasn’t lying. That was the annoying thing. Kris knew that he and Ramb were still a bit…touchy. In their mind, they probably figured asking about inviting Ramb out loud would make him not want to come- which was SILLY, of course he’d come to their birthday either way, but…Kris was never the best at communication. 

 …it runs in the family.

 Somehow, it was a sweetly sad thought, rather than a bitter one. It was a lovely night. The last hint of sunlight was gathered above the treeline. Its deep, brooding, reddish-orange haze glowed like a dying ember against the curtain of darkness. One nice thing about living in a little nowhere town was how bright the stars were. Specks of sheer brilliance littered the black. Tenna was never going to get over it. Just one of those not-so-big, not-so-little things he could experience now that the worlds were one, and he was just…Tenna.

 “Am I too late for prezzies? I got Kris a lil’ something on the ride over.” Ramb reached into that little satchel of his, and fished out a neatly wrapped, thick rectangle that he had to hold up with both paws. His voice dropped to a mischievous whisper, “now, don’t go telling ‘em, but it may or may not be that one book they mentioned the other day.”

 Ramb winked. It was Kris’ birthday. If they wanted Ramb to be here, then fine. FINE. Tenna would be the mature person here. SOMEONE had to be the mature person, here!

 “The one about the freaky house?” He asked as he stepped aside to let Ramb through. “Is that appropriate?”

 “Oh, Tenna, c’mon. The kid’s fifteen now! I don’t reckon a few bits of some bloke goin’ on about having a shag is gonna-”

 “Talk to Toriel,” Tenna said briskly. He closed the door. “Just. To be sure. But we’re about to do the photos and birthday song, so maybe just wait a sec. Okay?”

 “Fair enough,” Ramb shrugged. He sauntered on over to the kitchen, and Tenna, huffing, followed close behind.

 He would admit to smiling when he saw Kris’ face light up upon seeing Ramb. He could admit that it was a matter of pride and ego at this point, their whole little feud. But he could sit with that another time.

 For now, Toriel had the camera. Tenna followed obediently when Toriel beckoned and offered him the plate with the pie. His hands were shaky. Something hot and acidic gathered in his chest.

 Don’t fuck this up. Don’t. Fuck it up.

 His grip tightened. His hands steadied. Toriel guided him and Kris over near the staircase. They were simply the most precious, sweetest thing. All red in the face and flustered at all the attention. They always got shy when it was time for everyone to sing. Once or twice, they even went far enough and bolted upstairs to hide in their bedroom. Asriel would always have to go and get them when that happened.

 Many things changed with time. Some things stayed the same. The way kris walked hunched with their head bowed as they walked over was a near-perfect mirror to the way they’d done it for all those years when Tenna was just a little old TV.

 It was surreal, standing next to them for once.

 They were just Kris, his nibling. He was just their Uncle Tenna. No worlds to hold them apart. No light, no dark. He didn’t want to cry. He wouldn’t cry until after the photo. They were just so small. How on earth could they still be so small after all this time?

 Oh, Kris.

 His Kris. 

 His star. His baby. 

 His angel.

 The angel is gone, gone, gone far away. And good fucking riddance. And fuck it, and fuck us all, and fuck and damn me down to Hell for what I let it make of me. Should I want you to be damned, too? Am I so broken that I can’t even be angry when maybe I should be?

 You’re going to grow up and head off to college before very long. And you’ll leave me behind, again. And I’ll be all alone, again.

 If you rip off a bird’s wings, it can’t fly away. Does the same apply to angels?

 Tenna wanted to vomit. He wanted to tear past this stupid pink sprinkly shirt he had on and dig into the putrid metal flesh underneath. It was still inside of him! The flesh, the wet red horror! He knew it. He could feel it. He’d take himself by the slit on his chest and tear and pull, pull, pull, and then lo, the truth would come pouring out, sending a spray of static technicolor blood and rotten viscera all over the kitchen!

 And then Toriel would see what a wretched thing he was, and he would take him gently by the shoulder and guide him out back, where he’d take the shotgun into his paws, and grant this beast a mercy he did not deserve.

 Oh. They were singing, now. Okay. Tenna could do that.

 “Happy birthday to you.

 Happy birthday to you.

 Happy birthday dear Kris…

 Happy birthday to you!”

 A wobble grin found its way onto his screen. Dimly, he noticed that Kris’ embarrassment changed to something closer to concern when they looked at him. Was it that obvious? 

 I’m so sorry. I’ll be alright. Your Uncle Tenna loves you so, so much, sweetheart. I’m just being a bit silly. That’s all.

 The camera flashed. Kris didn’t even blink when the glare caught in their eyes. It was their seventh birthday when Toriel finally gave up on asking them to smile for the camera. Such a weird kid, sometimes. Oh…Kris.

 I am so proud of you, he thought. And he meant it. Despite everything, they were still his Kris. I am so, so happy that you’re my kid.

~~~

 Susie noticed that something was up when someone had the idea that they could all play charades. She didn’t really GET charades. What was so fun about waving around while everyone shouted at you and guessed what you were pretending to be?

 Mettaton and Queen were getting REAL into it. Like, a bit too into it.

 “OH! OH, YOU’RE A BALLET DANCER! Yes. And the years of dancing have ruined your body, but it’s worth the hurt. It’s all led up to this final, grandest show.”

 “Lol Nah That Ain’t It. Try Again Glam Boy.”

 “A tortured contortionist? A mangled bird of paradise propositioning his mate?! OH! OH, YES YES YES! YOU ARE A SEA ANGEL, BASKING IN A SUNBEAM FILTERING DOWN FROM THE FRIGID OCEAN SURFACE!!”

 “Ayeeeeeeee Yea That Was It! I Mean Basically Like Kinda. Okie Your Turn.”

 Mettaton stepped in front of the piano. As soon as he moved, Lancer pointed and bounced on the couch. “I know! I know! You’re a robot guy.”

 “Lancer, darling, in a few years, I see you making BANK as a stand-up comedian. You’re brilliant.”

 “I’m sitting down!” 

 “May I kindly request that we remember to use our inside voices, please?”

 Toriel was trying to get them to keep it down. It wasn’t really working. Kris was trying to read that book that Ramb got them, but they kept flinching and screwing their eyes shut each time either of them started to shout. She glanced at the stairs. Kris looked at her, and immediately booked to follow her when she nodded.

 As Tenna would say, they made their get-away. Or something.

 “Ya wanna sneak out and get some air?”

 Kris nodded.

 They kept nodding frantically as she went over and unlatched the window. She snickered at their big, wide eyes. “Pfft, calm down. And maybe leave the book? That shit looks heavy. What, are you gonna use it to hit someone on the head if we get jumped while we're out? Like, you could totally do that! That thing’s a brick.”

 “...’s about a freaky house,” they managed. They set the book on their bed, and joined her when Susie opened the window. “Don’t wanna be gone long. Don’t wanna worry Papa, okay?”

 “Yeah,” Susie said, voice softening, “of course. I just figured you’d wanna, like, I dunno. Hang out by the lake for a bit?”

 Kris hummed.

 It was a quiet night in Home Town. It was…peaceful, Susie supposed was a word for it. It was too early for fireflies, but she still heard bugs buzzing in the bushes and trees on the way to the lake. They sat down together at their usual spot. 

 By the time they reached the lake, Kris was done with the heels. They tugged them off as soon as they sat down, and set them next to them on the grassy patch near the lake’s shore. Susie had no idea how Mettaton could walk around in something like that all day. Maybe it helped that his shoes were also his feet?

 She felt around until she found a rock. She chucked it.

 Sploosh!

 “Hole in one,” she grinned.

 “Five points,” Kris rasped.

 “Pfft. Copying Tenna? You dork.”

 They looked out across the lake for a moment. The ripples from Susie’s rock distorted the reflection of the distant city. The lights, pinks and blues and yellow-orange tinged whites, warped and melted together. Far off on the other side of the lake, towers and scrapers twinkled and stood bluish-gray against the dark, starry sky.

 “...I think him an’ Papa are kinda sad. And Az.”

 “Sad?” Susie said, “how come? It’s your birthday.”

 They nodded, “...I think it’s…like. Maybe they dunno how to deal with me gettin’ older…and everything changing…and…stuff…”

 Susie leaned back and lifted her snout towards the stars. She tried to think of what to say. She wanted to say, “okay, well, that’s stupid”, but that wasn’t what Kris wanted to hear, and it was honestly kind of mean.

 Maybe she just couldn’t get it, still. Why were people in Home Town so bad when it came to change? Did they want stuff to stay the same forever? The same food for every meal, the same weather, the same faces, day after day after day?

 A bird took off from a nearby tree when she sighed loudly, “aughh…maybe it’s just, like…they’re thinkin’ that you’re not a little kid anymore. People get, like, sad, when their kids don’t NEED them as much, right?”

 Kris shrugged. Susie watched the stars twinkle. Crinkets sang. The air was thick with heat and moisture. The wind smelled sweet, sticky, and infinite.

 “...grown-ups are weird,” Kris said after a while.

 “Damn right,” agreed Susie. She looked at them and tilted her head, “ya feelin’ a bit better?”

 They nodded.

 “Wanna head back?”

 Kris’ eyes reflected the water’s reflection of the city lights. The blues sort of made their eyes look purple. It reminded Susie of a fresh bruise. Something sore. Something tender. Kris cleared their throat as they strained to talk, “...few more minutes…?”

 “Sure, dude. I’m chill.”

 She then remembered the weight in her pocket. “Uh…I…got ya something…”

 Kris blinked curiously as she fished out a small, plain box. She passed it over, and watched in the corner of her eye as they opened it. Something shiny and gray fell into their lap. They picked it up and turned it over in their palm.

 “...a knife?”

 “A multi-tool,” she mumbled, “but yeah, it’s got a knife. I, uh…remembered you sayin’ that it’d be neat to have one, and Tenna said, like, it’s useful, so Toriel will probably be cool with it. You can like…open bottles…and stuff…”

 “Oh…thank you…’s cool.”

 “Yeah. No problem.”

 Kris perched the multi-tool atop their knee. They felt around the dirt and grass, and found a rock of their own to toss into the lake. It didn’t make it as far as Susie’s. It landed with a thick splosh that once again shattered and warped the city’s glistening reflection.

 “Nice,” said Susie. She shot them a thumbs-up and a grin. “Ten points.”

 Kris smiled.

 A hundred points to Susie.

~~~

 …and where were you? 

 High. On your bed. Your messy, messy bed. Facing the ceiling, your friend walked in with a bottle of water, which was quickly pushed into your hand. A strangled sound welled in your throat.

 “M’ throat hurts,” you whined.

 “‘Cause you’re high and stupid and didn’t drink any water all day,” she scolded gently, “drink some water. You’ll be fine.”

 “Am I gonna die?”

 “No. Probably not. It’s weed, dude. You’ll be fine…probably.”

 “Don’t say things like this to me right now.”

 “Consume thy aqua, and lo, thou shalt be healed…eth.”

 You groaned as you pushed yourself upright. Your mouth was so dry that it hurt when it opened and air went down your throat. The water was good. Water was amazing. You were so glad to live on a planet that was basically just water.

 “What…what day is it…?” You asked between greedy swigs of sheer aquatic bliss.

 “It’s Saturday.”

 “Date,” you swallowed roughly before correcting yourself, “like…the number.”

 “Oh. It’s uh, the sixth? Yeah.”

 Something stirred in your chest. Dribbles of water leaked out when your lips parted slightly. Your shirt was already soaked with sweat, so the water was just whatever at this point. Your eyes flew to the closet door. The thought of the little matchbox inside made your stomach flip, which caused your heart to book it.

 You coughed roughly. Your friend made a soft, kind sound of concern where ze was sitting at the computer desk facing you. “Ya good over there?”

 “It’s…birthday,” you managed between sputtering wheezes, “their…birthday…”

 Her eyes glowed with an immediate understanding. Ze looked at the closet door, too.

 “Oh,” ze said softly, “shit…yeah. You mentioned that part. How…”

 She looked at you as you rubbed your wrist over your lips. The chair creaked as ze leaned forward. Ze squeezed her own water bottle slightly. She looked at you thoughtfully.

 “...how do you feel about…all of it…now, I mean?”

 The answer was easy. The answer was impossible to put into words. You had tried. You had tried over and over to explain it, but each time you tried to explain what it was like, it was always just a bit too vague or even a bit too specific. It happened! It was real! The file was on that drive, but maybe you just imagined all of it?

 Air pressed heavy against your skull. The bed felt unstable underneath your weight. A current buzzed through your skin. The hairs on your legs and arms stood on end. Your stomach lurched again. You suddenly wanted to cry.

 “...I’m the worst thing that ever happened to them,” you whimpered.

 “Oh…honey…”

 You sniffled a wet, sad sniffle. “Please don’t laugh at me…”

 “I won’t. Do you wanna hug, hon?”

 You nodded. Ze was already on the bed, holding you. A hand cupped your head and guided you to lean into her shoulder. “Drink your water, “ ze said gently, “how much did you have?”

 “Took…two…”

 “I think you should maybe stick to just one next time. It’s alright. Some folks are just sensitive. There’s no shame in it.”

 You weren’t quite talking about the weed anymore, were you? Your gaze flicked back towards the closet.

 You had a dream about it the other night. About him. You woke up in the darkness, and the technicolor light was spilling out all over the carpet and walls. You walked over and opened the door all the way, and he was sitting there atop a pile of all the clothes you’d been putting off picking up from your bedroom floor. His screen burned with rainbow shades of nonsense static. The whine buzzed like a swarm of locusts in your ears.

 Something dreadful crackled through his speakers. It was the strangest thing…he didn’t look like a TV. He looked like HIMSELF. If you reached into the screen and could pull him out, he stayed exactly how he was, just rendered to fit in with the world that surrounded him.

 In this dream, you walked up to him, and you stuck your fingers into his VHS slot. When you did, the sound got worse. His whine became a full, guttural scream. But you kept going. Even when the black oil and red blood leaked over your fingers and down your knuckles and then your wrist, you kept going.

 You just had to see what else he held inside.

 You just had to know.

 You loved him.

 He was your favorite.

 You LOVEd him.

 You just HAD to see what would happen.

 The next day after that dream, you went for a walk in the park. You sat at a bench next to a young man. He looked young, at least. You both sat together for a while, until he spoke and smiled at you kindly…and sadly, too.

 “You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind,” he said.

 “I’m just tired,” you replied.

 “I get that,” he said, “it’s tiring work, being alive. No one ever really gives enough credit to how much work it takes just to be alive. You ever think about that?”

 “Kinda,” you said, “...I guess…”

 “You got someone to talk to? A friend?”

 It was a question, but he didn’t quite say it like a question. He sounded like he already knew the answer, somehow. Maybe if you were any other way than how you were this would freak you out. Maybe you were just weird, and didn’t mind talking to guys with sad eyes and heavy smiles.

 “Mhm. I do.”

 “That’s good. Friends are important. Friends are the sort of people who’ll save you, even if you’re not quite sure that you wanna save yourself.”

 Without turning your head, you looked at him in the corner of your eyes. He noticed, and quickly apologized, “sorry. I’m kinda of tired, too. My head’s not awake yet.”

 It was one in the afternoon, wasn’t it?

 “What do you do when you’re tired and sad?” You asked him.

 “I write,” he said, “not always very well. People say I’m good at it. Lately, though, when I read my own stuff, I kind of feel like I’m just repeating the same thing a bunch of times over in a different way each time…but maybe I’ve just gotten so good that I’m more picky about my work? I also listen to strange music and dance around my bathroom.”

 “Does it help?”

 “Sometimes. It also helps to have friends that don’t mind when you’re tired and can’t make a lot of sense.”

 You didn’t know what to say to that. You were too tired to keep talking. He seemed to notice, and then said, sad and kind, “I’ll stop bugging you. Take it easy, okay?”

 You still wondered why he looked so sad. He had a necklace shaped like a sun. That was the only thing about him that really stood out. You remembered that bit in the game where you found that room that led out onto that balcony. You would never, ever feel that way again…and wasn’t that sad? And wasn’t that just wonderful?

 Oh my god, I am so fucking high.

 “Please don’t make fun of me,” you begged softly, “please don’t tell me it doesn’t matter just ‘cause it’s a game.”

 “I won’t. I won’t ever do something like that.”

 And you believed her. Ze held you close, and you believed zim. 

 You trusted your friend.

~~~

 Kris hurried ahead of Susie on the walk back home. She helped them by hoisting them up so they could clammer through the bedroom window. To their relief, Queen’s mix tape was playing loud enough to thump through the floor, so the sound of their clumsy fall was muffled.

 A pair of heeled boots was tossed unceremoniously in through the window. Kris watched them bounce across the rug, and sighed heavily at the soreness in their feet.

 Susie hopped in just as they stood up. “Heh! See. Told ya it’d be fine.”

 “Welcome back.”

 Kris went ‘eep’ and jumped into Susie’s arms when the door swung open. Susie’s eyes bulged in surprise. They both blinked when they saw who it was.

 “Ramb? What the FUCK, dude? You tryna give Kris a heart attack?”

 Behind Ramb loomed a horned, tattered shadow. Eram’s mouth crinkled with glee as it giggled. “Heeheehe! Wow, Susie. Don’t you think that’s in poor taste?”

 “Oh, shove it,” Ramb scolded. He dusted at his shoulder to shoo the demon away. “Sorry, Kris luv. Didn’t mean to spook ya. This bugger ‘ere saw you two leave, an’ I figured no one would notice if lil’ ol’ Ramb snuck off to keep an eye out for you getting back.”

 His sockets crinkled knowingly as Susie set Kris down. “And don’t worry, luv. I’m pretty sure Toriel’s gonna be sending everyone on their way home shortly. Have you enjoyed your birthday bash, though? How’s the book so far?”

 He glanced when they pointed to it on the bed. When he looked back at them, Kris gave him a nod and a thumbs-up. Ramb’s smile widened.

 “Oh, good, good! I’m glad you like it.”

 “Is, uh…Tenna doing okay? He kind of looked like he was freaking out a bit while we were singing.”

 Ramb opened his mouth, but Eram spoke first. “OHHH, he’s FINE! He’s just glooby. I’ll go downstairs to cheer him up, if you want.” A dark hum seemed into its voice.

 Kris started to shake their head. Susie squeezed their shoulder, and jabbed a claw at Eram. “How about you go and fuck off, asshole?” She smiled, but her eyes glowed darkly.

 “Too late! La la la la la!”

 Laughing and howling with fiery malice, Eram whirled around and sped down the hall. Kris frowned while Susie patted their shoulder sympathetically. 

 Ramb tsked. “I’ll go take care of that. In case I don’t see you, happy birthday Kris. We’re all very proud, and love you very, very much, luv.”

 They nodded. They whinged when they heard the muffled faux-croon of Eram’s voice, followed shortly by a flustered spat from Tenna. They also heard their father very kindly yet FIRMLY announcing that it was getting close to the time where they all turned in for the night, as he thanked everyone for coming, and started to gently direct folks out the door.

 The music stopped, and Kris sighed with relief.

 Okay. I did my socializing for the week. Now I can curl up and sleep and read books and not talk to anyone except my dad, my brother, and my TV who is my uncle and also my dad. And Susie. And Ralsei. And-

 Kris was suddenly very tired. They yawned.

 “Heh…you gonna sleep in your birthday fit?”

 They shook their head slowly. A purple claw started to card through their messy, sweat-soaked hair. Their eyelids were made of concrete. Their body was a heavy, leadened weight around a tender warmth that thrummed softly inside their chest.

 Maybe they’d just lay down until everyone was gone. Then they could go downstairs and take a shower, and go to bed for real.

 Yeah.

 That could work.

~~~

 Toriel waved as he wished Asgore and Rudy goodnight. “Thank you once again for coming! Thank you, have a safe trip home, sleep well.”

 He sighed as he shut the door behind them. Tenna was sitting at the kitchen table with Asriel. He had walked home with Susie, Ralsei, Berdly, and Loyal to help them all get situated for bed, before he returned to help with the clean-up.

 Before she left, Susie helpfully informed them that Kris had fallen asleep upstairs. Toriel was not very surprised. Kris’ social battery, as it were, was quick to run out during any given get-together. He sighed, this time fondly.

 “Should I go and wake ‘em up so they can rinse off, or…?” Asriel was about to get up when Toriel waved and shook his head.

 “No. It is best we let them sleep. Could you carry the trash out, please?”

 “Sure thing!”

 That left Toriel and Tenna. Toriel huffed as he sat down to catch his breath. He was a social butterfly compared to Kris, or even Asriel, but even he had his limits…Asgore used to be the designated ‘talker’ during these sorts of things, back when…

 It hurt a bit less each time he thought about it.

 He supposed that was a good sign.

 Tentatively, he reached a paw out and took Tenna by the claw. The TV man’s staticky laughter wobbled lightly. “Heheh…well, I’d say that this show was a smash hit! You reckon we’ll get rave reviews from the critics?”

 “Certainly! I bet we will find ourselves on the red carpet before very long.”

 “Awe! You’d look stunning in a suit, if that ever happened.”

 “Do you suppose that red might be my color?”

 “I’d reckon so! We could even match! Though, thinkin’ about it, it might be nice to switch things up. Maybe I’d go with a vest instead of a suit?”

 “A vest,” mused Toriel, “yes, I can see it. I think you would look quite dashing.”

 “Now I’m red in the screen! Tori! We CANNOT be caught talking like this on-camera. It’ll be a SCANDLE.”

 They shared a laugh and a chuckle. Toriel still felt a twinge of shame that he supposed was inevitable when you found yourself exchanging flirtations and flattery with the man who spawned out of your youngest child’s imagination as projected upon your family’s beloved television…and of course, there remained the fact that Tenna was a version of himself, as understood by said youngest child…and it was only a mere few hours after he’d been enduring his ex-husband’s presence with gritted teeth, too…

 It bothered Toriel just how much Kris seemed to know him: not just as a parent, but as a person with worries and weaknesses. But he did suppose that Kris was always an observant child…always watching…oh, Kris…

 “Do you suppose that next year, it might be wise to be a tad more restrictive when it comes to ‘surprise guest stars’?” Toriel sat with his paws tucked ‘neath his chin. He gazed thoughtfully out the kitchen window for a moment.

 Tenna shrugged, “eh, I suppose we’d have to leave that up to Kris? Their party, their rules.”

 Toriel hummed, “hm…yes. I simply worry that they worry that denying people might somehow land them in…trouble, yes? They might worry about upsetting people and feel as though they are not allowed to say ‘no’.”

 A dread hung between them that neither of them wanted to name. Toriel was not alone when he looked towards the living room couch. Toriel swallowed a thick, sour lump, and exhaled shakily.

 “...it’s not your fault,” Tenna said in such a soft, secret voice that Toriel jolted.

 “It-” he looked at Tenna and was met with only a pointed nose. That lump had landed near his heart when he swallowed, where it now sat, as if wedged between his lungs. “...I…I do want to believe you, Mr. Tenna…it is just that…”

 I did everything you’re supposed to. I was careful, and diligent, and I set limits, and I tried my best to foster openness and trust. They didn’t tell me. They didn’t tell me about it for YEARS. The TELEVISION knew about it before ANY of us did. He was…there…when it…

 Toriel hadn’t even thought to ask if Kris wanted to invite Carol. He wondered what she’d done to pass the time once she got off of work today. It was easy to picture her sitting on the couch all afternoon, watching a show or a few films well into the evening.

 Or, perhaps she laid down in bed.

 The same bed whereupon she took Kris, and…

 Toriel clenched his jaw. His fangs erupted from behind tensely curled lips. An awful little sound of strained weakness snuck through, even as he tried in vain to hold it back. It was Tenna’s turn to reach out and take him by the paw.

 It was one of those moments they shared where their thoughts were one, and where Toriel truly wondered just how much of himself he’d unknowingly poured out over this poor, silly old TV over the years.

 “Objectively, we both know it was neither of our faults,” they said together, “but this is not one of those things that can be reasoned through. Something horrible happened to someone we both love dearly. Someone who we want to protect was hurt in a way that has changed who they are forever, and there is nothing either of us can do to undo what has happened. When something terrible happens, the best thing that we can do is simply be there. But is it enough? Are we being what they need? What if it happens again? What if this time there is truly no going back, and our child never gets to grow up? I am so very happy that they have grown another year, but I am also so very afraid of what the future holds. They are by no means an easy child to raise. They are, however, a person who is so very easy to love. Is love enough? Am I doing this right? It is very selfish, but I wish they would tell me that I am doing a good job. Nothing makes sense and so much has changed. I am scared. I am sad. I am angry. I wish that it could stay as it once was. I never want to go back to how things used to be.”

 They sat together in an eternal second of shared understanding. The spell broke when the door opened, and Tenna pulled his hand back as Asriel returned.

 “Okay! Trash is taken care of. Want me to go ahead and finish up tearing stuff down, Pops, or are we callin’ it a night?”

 “I think it would be best if we all turn in for the evening, Asriel.”

 Asriel did not need to be told so twice, clearly. He made quickly for the stairs, his footsteps fading as he padded his way to the kids’ room. “Night!” He called on the way up.

 “...there is no school tomorrow. If Kris wishes, they will probably take a shower in the morning.” Toriel rubbed at the bridge of his snout as he muttered aloud to himself and also Tenna. He yawned. “Thank you, Tenna. For…everything today.”

 “Oh, don’t mention it! It’s no trouble, no trouble at all!”

 Toriel decided to be perhaps stupid and maybe careless. “...I…I do appreciate your help…but I do also hope that today was not too…straining…?” That was a word for it. Straining…

 One of Tenna’s feelers twitched along with the corner of his smile. “Oh! Uh! You…noticed!”

 “You look quite nervous in the photo, yes.”

 Nervous was…certainly a WORD for it.

 His antennas drooped over his screen. His mouth winked away, leaving only his nose as he bowed his head tragically. “I…I guess my head just decided to be a glooby party-pooper, today of all days. I didn’t ruin anything, did I? Kris, they still had fun, right…?”

 “I am quite confident that they did,” said Toriel, “I am asking more so for YOUR sake, Tenna. I understand that you woke up very early for the occasion.”

 “Of course I did! Early to bed, early to rise, makes TV healthy and wise!” As if on cue, he cringed and snapped a hand up to squeeze one of his shoulders. “Ah! Heh! I…I think, yes, maybe getting up so early and doin’ so much might’ve…yeah.”

 “Yeah?”

 “Yeah…”

 Toriel rubbed a comforting claw over the ridges of Tenna’s knuckles. He relaxed at the caring touch. His screen gained a pinkish tinge to its steady white glow.

 “...I think I’m gonna go call it a night,” Tenna said slowly.

 “I think that might be a wise idea, yes,” agreed Toriel. Before Tenna left, they hugged. Toriel wished him well and sweet dreams, and Tenna did so in kind. He’d dressed comfortably enough to justify wearing his sweats and t-shirt to bed.

 He lingered when he passed by the children’s room. His paw turned the knob. Inside, the green glow of Asriel’s stars shone gently and mingled with the starlight that spilled in through the window. Toriel heard a rustle and shot a warning glare towards the cage in the corner.

 “Do not,” he mouthed at Eram.

 It tutted, but otherwise remained silent. Toriel quietly walked over to Kris’ bed, and carefully managed to get them tucked in under the comforter. They mumbled something under their breath. He cooed and hushed them, and their eyelids gradually went still as they rolled over.

 His little star was fifteen, now.

 Oh, he had to lay down. If he kept thinking about these things, he would start to cry. He felt like a teenager once again, and like a teenager, he snuck out and slinked away to bawl his eyes out within the sacred privacy of his own bedroom.

 Kris Dreemurr was fifteen years old.

 Despite what was written in the stars, they were a year older.

 And it was all so wonderful. And they were so loved. And they were still alive to feel it.