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how to waterproof your snacks, a guide by an amused cat dad

Summary:

The first time Blueberry Jar eases himself into Aventurine’s bathtub, huffing haughtily as if he hasn’t just splashed soapy water on every tiled surface of the bathroom, the other cat cakes don’t react well — Acorn, Bell, and Rose screech with an intensity Aventurine hasn’t even fathomed they could possess.

Which is why, after a brief exchange with Ruan Mei, that Aventurine and Ratio are invited to visit Herta’s Space Station, with their family of cat cakes.

-
or, let’s make those babies waterproof!

Notes:

References to “how to reheat your snacks, a guide by a distraught cat dad”, and the latest cat cake’s event update.

Critters’ names:
- Acorn, Bell, Rose: Aventurine and Ratio’s cat cakes
- Parmenides: the Tuskpir
- Muffin: Dr. Ratio Bespoke Version

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

The first time Blueberry Jar eases himself into Aventurine’s bathtub, huffing haughtily as if he hasn’t just splashed soapy water on every tiled surface of the bathroom, the other cat cakes don’t react well — Acorn, Bell, and Rose screech with an intensity Aventurine hasn’t even fathomed they could possess.

Which is why, after a brief exchange with Ruan Mei, that Aventurine and Ratio are invited to visit Herta’s Space Station, with their family of cat cakes.

Amusing how Ruan Mei had so casually extended her offer to meet there, without even checking with her colleague beforehand. Though she did mention that both Aventurine and Ratio are also invited to join her and Herta for tea. Aventurine isn’t certain whether to hope for the pastries to be made by Ruan Mei or Herta. Just in case, he plans on bringing something — he should really ask Ratio for his special blueberry muffins recipe. Never let it be said he’s a bad guest, at least if his babies are concerned.

“How did I miss these, dear gambler?” Ratio asks, eyeing the two newly bought extra-large strollers stud with pink diamonds that Aventurine purchased — and filed as a work expense — during his latest mission on Penacony.

“They’re so… tacky,” Topaz says, looking up from her lap — where Parmenides has been sleeping for nearly an hour — to glare at the strollers in question.

Aventurine just shrugs. “You’re just jealous I bought them first.” After all, Topaz had been eyeing the same catalogue for her army of critters.

Topaz has graciously offered to babysit the Tuskpir and keep Muffin company, while they’ll be away on the Space Station, which in Aventurine’s humble opinion will only work more in her favor — who knows, Parmenides might even be able to help her sleep for more than three hours per night!

Topaz simply raises an eyebrow at him, laying back her nape on Aventurine’s soft couch as she observes her colleagues wrestle with the three Not-So-Innocent Coconut Angelcakes, who seem under the impression they’ll go to the vet, instead of visiting their friends on the Space Station.

Honey Dice and Blueberry Jar are already secured inside one of the strollers, though getting them there has been much easier. Ratio got them while they were playing with a squeaky rubber duck — they were initially quite distressed at being separated, but once they were put in the same stroller, they quieted down immediately.

“What exactly are you going to do with those Geniuses?” Topaz asks, admittedly intrigued by the chaos unfolding in front of her — never has she seen Veritas Ratio trying to baby-talk Bell into jumping down from his hair and lightening their grip on his hair.

“Oh, the Space Station has baked a new batch of cat cakes,” he says, lightly, looking at the stroller where Blueberry Jar is, “and we’ve noticed they seem to possess different characteristics, like being waterproof!” Aventurine explains. “I informed Ruan Mei of the little ones’ misadventure, in the past, and she’s offered a solution.”

Topaz blinks, a grin slowly spreading across her face. “I see,” she says, as she observes Bell and Rose being successfully captured, leaving only Acorn to find. “So they are going to the special vet.”

A terror-stricken yowl betrays Acorn’s location, surprising Topaz by how close she sounds — apparently, Acorn has squished herself under the couch, without anyone noticing.

Aventurine groans, his shoulders slumping as if defeated. “Uh-uh. Not the V-word, Director Topaz. Never utter that word in their presence.”

 

In the end, Ratio has to use the Phase Flame to swiftly arrive at the Distribution Center of the Space Station. Even with many cat cakes wobbling and playing around, the Coconut Angelcakes Trio has yet to stop crying.

“Oh my, what a pitiful spectacle.” The bored voice of one of Herta’s puppets greets them.

“They’re just like fish out of water,” Ratio says, dead serious.

“Heh. Whatever,” Herta says, amused. “Ruan Mei and Madam Herta are waiting a floor below, at the breeding ground for these creatures. Let’s not waste more time.”

Herta’s puppet is terrifyingly efficient, if not particularly talkative — Aventurine suspects she’s disabled her speech module the moment she turned her back on them, expecting them to follow her without wasting any more time. He’d wager she’s also lowered the power of her hearing module, with how loud their cat cakes are being, though surprisingly Ratio doesn’t seem to mind the noise, even without his bust.

 

Once they reach the critters’ breeding ground, it’s filled with numerous rambunctious cat cakes and dog buns — not what Aventurine would expect of an active laboratory. Ratio seems to have similar thoughts as his gaze swipes around the area, a frown etching on his handsome face.

Luckily, seeing some of their friends, their three Angelic Coconut babies start to finally calm down, if only slightly. Lambda’s Friend and Lucky Snack have crowded the strollers in which their friends are still hiding inside, slowly but surely convincing them to jump out and join them to all play together. Even Wisteria Cake has left Ruan Mei’s lap to join them, meowing loudly until Acorn, Bell, and Rose are all lined up in a tall tower, following their friends to share delicious snacks and nosey gossip.

After making sure they’re settled, Aventurine turns towards the other stroller, which has already been opened by Ratio.

“Oh, come out, you two,” Aventurine says, peering into the stroller to see Honey Dice hiding his toys into Blueberry Jar’s shell, since his own is already too full.

Ratio watches in silence, a small amused smile directed at both Aventurine and the two critters. Only once Honey Dice seems satisfied with his job, does Ratio reach inside the stroller to pull the two cat cakes out.

“You two can’t just stay inside,” Ratio says, eyeing Honey Dice and Blueberry Jar with a halfhearted attempt at sounding stern. “Come on, go join your fellow pastry-based friends.”

Aventurine chuckles at those words, but he knows Ratio is right. Not that Honey Dice and Blueberry Jar are trying to be too difficult — soon, they’re wobbling their way towards their friends, joining GraviCrisp and Butterfly Pea Mousse into a heated “mecha vs dragon” debate.

“Have you finished?” Herta asks, the flatness of her voice betraying a hint of amusement — it’s then that Aventurine realizes that it’s the real Herta who is now speaking to them, her puppet long gone.

“Madam Herta. What a surprise to see you here in person!” Ruan Mei might’ve said she’ll be there, but Aventurine has half expected her to just use one of her puppets.

“I find these little sugary lifeforms that Ruan Mei created amusing,” she says, as if trying to dismiss her own interest in the matter, “and what she told me about you intrigued me.”

“Intriguing a Genius sounds like a recipe for disasters,” Ratio says, though without any real bite.

Both Herta and Ruan Mei don’t seem to take it to heart, the latter still more focused on the projected screens in front of her, now that Wisteria Cake isn’t asking for cuddles anymore. Ratio doesn’t wait to be invited to join her side to check those data as well.

To Aventurine’s surprise, however, Herta walks away from Ruan Mei’s side, joining him at the main table set at the center of the lab, already organized for their tea party.

“Not joining the research?” he asks, curious.

Suddenly Herta doesn’t seem particularly interested anymore. “Ruan Mei can deal with her own research alone. I’m here to provide feedback, preferably over a cup of tea and sweet pastries,” she says, eyeing the box of muffins Aventurine and Ratio have brought with them. “I’m also making sure a certain IPC higher-up doesn’t snoop around where he’s not supposed to.”

Aventurine puts a hand over his heart, dramatically. “Madam Herta, I can assure you I’m not here for work.”

Herta just narrows her eyes. “Uh-uh. Sure. So, you brought muffins?” she asks, her attention already focused back on the sweets.

Aventurine blinks, surprised but not put off by how swiftly Herta is pursuing different interests. “Oh, it’s Ratio’s specialty!”

“I see. That’s good,” she says. “The batch of biscuits I’d prepared for today encountered an unexpected problem during the baking phase, so it’s good to have more than one alternative.”

Aventurine tilts his head, uncertain. “An… unexpected problem?”

Herta huffs, and Aventurine could swear he can see a faint flush covering her cheeks. “Problems always abound when experimenting with new techniques. It’s nothing to pay excessive attention to.”

Oh, oh. Herta is a bad baker.

 

“Do they need to be put in the oven again?” Aventurine asks, trying to keep his voice low, but he can see with the side of his eye that Acorn has frozen in fear amidst her snack session.

Ratio simply hums, refusing to answer immediately, which has Acorn jump in her shell, turning around towards them with betrayal sparkling in her wobbly eyes.

“It might be necessary,” Ratio says, eventually.

Oh, Aventurine knows that tone!

Ruan Mei also seems to be on the same page, hiding her smile behind a polite cough and a sip of tea.

On the other hand, Herta appears simply confused. Swiftly, she walks up to Acorn and picks her up with surprising care. “No need to be so scared, little… sugary snack,” she says, bringing Acorn towards their table and dumping her in Aventurine’s arms. “You won’t be alone. Most of your colleagues from your same batch will go through the same process, and it’ll be swift and mostly painless.”

Aventurine tries not to laugh at how Acorn visibly gulps at Herta’s “mostly”. Aventurine glances at the other cat cakes, glad to see that Bell and Rose have already been joined by Honey Dice and Blueberry Jar, who are cuddling with them, keeping them distracted from their own fears.

“Have you heard Madam Herta? You won’t be alone,” he says, “Ruan Mei, your creator, has directed the research, with dear Veritas checking the data and helping out… we’re all here for you.”

Acorn stops shaking, looking up at him with wobbly, hopeful eyes. “Meow?”

“Do keep her in your arms,” Ruan Mei says, passing a syringe to Ratio, who approaches Aventurine with light steps, trying to keep the syringe out of Acorn’s field of view.

Not being able to see Ratio at all, Acorn is simply puzzled by the instruction. “…Meow?”

“Now, be a brave snack,” Ratio says, his face suddenly appearing above Acorn. “It’ll only take a moment—”

 

Eventually, they manage to administer the special vaccine to the trio of scaredy coconut-flavored cat cakes. Aventurine just had to sacrifice his ears, which are still ringing, by the time they’re led to their guest room, in the Space Station. However, he can’t get mad at them.

Now back home, after a three-days period of observations and tests, the cat cakes are all cuddled up together, basking in the attention given to them by both Ratio and Aventurine, and even Topaz, who’s been invited to stay over for dinner — though she accepted only after Aventurine has sworn that he won’t be the one cooking.

“Meow!” Blueberry Jar is pawing at Aventurine’s ankle, waiting to be picked up. For once he’s not in Honey Dice’s company, who is otherwise busy with occupying Ratio’s lap and baiting Muffin into an argument.

For a moment, Aventurine worries that he feels left out. However, it becomes clear what Blueberry Jar is truly concerned about, as he painstakingly points towards the bathroom with his chubby paw.

Aventurine hums, crouching down to be closer to Blueberry Jar, whispering conspiringly as he glances back at where Acorn, Bell, and Rose are playing with Topaz.

“A genius idea. Let’s have a bathtub party!” 

 

Notes:

Ratio’s love for bathtubs and baths is so strong, it even got passed to Blueberry Jar <3 I hope you are getting all the cat cakes you wish from the weekly boxes and other players’ party cars.

It took me longer to write this than I expected, but I hope you enjoy it, it was super fun to write :)

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