Work Text:
Seungmin isn't going to cry. He just isn't. He's not sad, no. He's proud. He's happy for the others. That's it. That's the only thing he feels.
As long as he keeps lying to himself that is.
He watched them perform through a small screen. A little livestream set up just for him. Him, at home in Korea, and them, far away on a stage in the USA. The crowd loves them. And they did so well. They looked so good and performed so well.
His parts played, they didn't sing them but STAY did. Stay chanted for him, cheered for him. They passed around a PuppyM plushie for him, like how they did for Felix at one of the fanmeets. So, Seungmin shouldn't be upset. Felix has had to watch them from afar as well. The difference was that they were only separated for a few hours. They still came home and hung out with Felix afterwards, so he knew he was wanted. The others are so far away from Seungmin.
The set had finished up and Seungmin had barely seen the clips of the downpour start when he clicked off his phone finally. Apparently the dragons don't need him to bring the thunderstorms like usual.
That's what leads to where he is now, on his bed holding his Daengmo tightly to his chest and willing himself not to cry. It the morning time and he should be active, go do something, anything, but he can't. The managers left his days free of schedules while the others are gone, but not like he can do much in them as it is with his foot. It's hard to rest and recover when all he knows is to keep moving, keeping doing, keep getting better.
He feels utterly useless.
The first tear slips free without permission and he brushes it away with the plushie. Everything feels too big, too daunting. The others are nowhere near him and all he wants is to have them back.
The first tear was the trickle before the dam broke because it doesn't take long before he's muffling his cries with Daengmo, wetting the plushie's fur with tear after tear. His hiccups too loud in the room even with the muffle.
It's not until one hiccup sounds an awfully lot like "Dad-dy." Does he realise just how big the world has gotten.
"Daddy!" He hiccups out again, thrashing on the bed with his cries too. He wants his daddy. His daddy would make this all feel better. His daddy would help him handle these big emotions. His daddy. He just needs his daddy.
His daddy is in a different country, unaware of anything happening.
He reaches blindly for his phone, fighting the hiccups. Through a tear stained vision he swipes it open and stares blankly at the screen. He doesn't know how to call daddy. He's can't ever recall being taught on the phone works. He knows when he is big, but he's becoming too small to remember.
He starts tapping against the screen, hoping something will happen. Maybe somehow he will call his daddy, or one of the others. They would help him get to daddy. Daddy will be surprised he figured out the phone all on his own.
But it's too hard. His cries had quieted at the notion of being able to talk to daddy, but now new tears are bursting forward, one's hot with frustration. He knows that he knows how to use the phone, how to call daddy, but that's when he's big. And he's not big. He's so small and the world is too big. Daddy is too far away in too big of a world.
Seungmin manages to find his way to a video of daddy singing, which he's ready to accept as the next best thing. Daddy's singing always puts him to sleep and maybe it'll work this time, even if it's recorded, and he can fall asleep and forget how sad he is for now. Then when he wakes up and is big again he can call daddy.
It works…until the video stops playing abruptly. Seungmin sits up with a start when his screen flashes daddy's picture with a slide function to pickup the call. Seungmin puts as much focus as he can into correctly sliding it to answer and holds the phone with both hands to his ear.
"Seung—"
"Daddy?" Seungmin sniffles as he says it.
"Seungmin?" Daddy's voice has morphed from the casual greeting that Seungmin interrupted to a more concerned one.
Seungmin nods his head as if daddy could see it through the phone. "Daddy!"
"Minnie, are you little?" Daddy asks and in the background he hears what sounds like Chan echoing the word little.
"Mmm" He hums in affirmation, "But daddy called so all better!"
"All better? Hey, Minnie can you hit the green button so we can video call?"
Seungmin pulls the phone away from his face and is eager when he hits the button. The screen fills up with Daddy and Chan's faces, which fall slightly when they see Seungmin.
"Oh, Minnie. Are you feeling sad?" Daddy asks and Seungmin nods.
"Daddy too far away." Seungmin lays back down, bringing the plushie back up to his chest and propping the phone on a pillow so he doesn't have to hold it while talking.
Daddy nods, a slow, sad nod. "Yeah. Minnie-baby is also so far away from me. We were thinking about you a lot today, Minnie. Channie and I were going to go work out at the gym, but we can always do that later and just chat with you."
Seungmin shakes his head, "This good. It's like you're here. I can watch." He feels part of their day now, which is acceptable when he can't have them right next to him.
"Of course. Whatever you want, baby. We'll also make sure the others give you a call too. You must miss them too."
Seungmin nods against the pillow. "Missed Lixie. And Sung, and Binnie-bear, and Channie, and Min Min, and Jinnie, and Daddy the most." He mumbles off everyone's names, not wanting any to think he didn't miss or care about them.
Daddy and Chan both melt as Seungmin rattles off all of their names. Just like Jeongin has been granted the term daddy, the others have also gotten some Little-Minnie version of their names. Though Jeongin's has more authority and meaning behind it. Binnie-bear is everyone else's favourite since Seungmin sees Changbin like a big teddy bear.
"We'll stick with you all day Minnie." They look to go through a door and Seungmin can vaguely see gym machinery in their surroundings. "I'll have my headphones in, so if you need anything while you watch then I can come over to see you That work?"
Seungmin nods, "Yeah, daddy." He mumbles, his face now squished against Daengmo. His feelings were still to big and he was going to have to deal with the sadness later but right now, just having daddy is enough to distract him.
The phone gets propped up on a piece of equipment and he can hear daddy and Chan talk through their workouts. Occasionally they'll check in on him and sometimes Seungmin will babble nonsense back, which he can see gets a quiet laugh out of daddy. It's enough for now. A small piece of them worlds away.