Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

10 years old

Colton really doesn’t understand his twin sometimes. For all the smarts and cleverness he has, Ryland can be really dumb on occasion.

Colton had been happily reading his comics when the loud BANG interrupted him. He put his comics down and stared across the room to where his brother was quickly trying to fix his telescope’s angle after accidentally slamming it into the window.

“What on Earth are you doing?” Colton asked incredulously.

“Trying to catalogue the stars!” Ryland huffed, continuing to squint through his telescope aimed out the window once he’d fixed it.

“Why are you looking through the glass? Just open the window!”

“But then it might fall out! Do you know how much mom spent on this?”

“That’s still a crappy view. You know you’d see much better from the roof.”

“Colt, we’re not allowed on the roof.”

“So? Mom doesn’t have to know.” Colton grinned. “I know the way up there. Come on!”

“Uh uh, no way!” Ryland squeaked. “That’s way too high up!”

“I’ll help you, don’t worry.” Colton jumped off his bed and ran over to his brother, tugging on his arm.

“No! No way!” Ryland whined. But Colton would not be deterred. He grabbed the telescope quickly and dashed out of the room before Ryland could swipe it back.

“Colt! Give that back! You’ll break it!”

“Come and get it from me!” Colton laughed. He dashed all the way outside and to the tree next to their home. He scampered up its trunk quickly, knowing almost by heart all the best places to step on and grab hold of, even with one hand holding Ryland’s telescope. His brother shouted at him all the while, but Colton was quicker and stronger.

The tree gave him access to the roof, and he carefully placed the telescope up onto the roof before looking back down at his brother.

“Come on, Ry,” he called. “Give me your hand.”

Ryland glared at him for all of five seconds, before sighing and allowing Colton to drag him up the tree. They moved to the roof together, and Colton helped his brother set up his scope once more. While he didn’t admit it out loud, Colton knew his brother was admiring the better view of the stars he now had. Colton smirked and hung his legs off the roof, enjoying the pleasant night air as Ryland looked up at the stars.

“Sirius is so bright today!” Ryland chirped as he peered through his scope.

“How do you even know which one is which?” Colton wondered.

“I’m using this star map, here.”

“Sounds boring.”

“It’s really not.”

“You know, it is pretty out here, but I don’t get why you’re so obsessed with all the stars,” Colton huffed. “There’s too many of them and they’re all the same.”

Then Colton made the mistake of looking at his brother, who was grinning from ear to ear.

“Lay down with me,” he said, making himself comfortable on the roof right away.

“Why?” Colton huffed.

“So I can show you why you’re wrong!”

Colton sighed, but laid back against the roof next to his brother. The stars twinkled above them, too many to even try to count.

“You see that star right there? The kinda orange-y looking one?” Ryland wondered, pointing up into the sky.

“Yeah,” Colton huffed, following his brother’s gesture to where the reddish looking star shimmered.

“That’s Betelgeuse. It’s a supergiant sun! We don’t know its exact size, but at least 400 million of our sun could fit inside of it! And over a million Earths can fit inside our sun. Betelgeuse is humongous!”

“Whoa,” Colton said genuinely. That was too big to even comprehend!

“And that star there, see it? The really bright one?” Ryland wondered, pointing to another sun.

“I see it,” Colton confirmed.

“That’s Sirius, and it’s actually not one star, but two stars orbiting really close around each other, which is why it’s so bright!”

“That’s pretty cool,” Colton admitted.

“And astronomers think that most suns have at least one planet orbiting them. Like we orbit our sun,” Ryland said, his eyes bright with pure curiosity. “There are so many planets out there. Maybe one is like ours!”

“Another planet like Earth?”

“I wonder what it looks like!”

They laid in silence together for a moment, looking up at the stars. Colton let his eyes wander, finding clumps of stars or picking out shapes in some of the brighter ones. He wished he could see what Ryland saw when looking up at them all.

“Hey Colt? What do you think aliens are like?” Ryland asked, not taking his eyes off the stars.

“Aliens aren’t real, you nerd,” Colton huffed, glancing over at his brother.

“Yes, they are.”

“No, they’re not. They’re just for movies.”

“Space is soooo big, Colt! There has to be aliens out there!”

“Space isn’t that big, Ry.”

“Betelgeuse is, like, 600 light years away from us. Do you know how fast light is? 186,000 miles per second! And if we could travel that fast it would take us 600 years to get there! Space is so big and we can’t be the only ones. There has to be aliens somewhere else!”

Colton still wasn’t sure, but he wouldn’t press the issue. Ryland needed to believe there was life somewhere out there. He had nightmares about being alone in the universe.

“Whatever you say, Ry,” he muttered.

“What happened to wanting to be an astronaut?” Ryland wondered.

“Everyone wants to be an astronaut when they’re five! I’ve since grown up, and I’m going to race cars one day!”

“Being an astronaut would be cooler.”

“You should do it then.”

“Me?” Ryland scoffed. “I can’t be an astronaut.”

“Why not?” asked Colton, looking over at his twin.

“I’m not brave enough. Not like you,” Ryland said simply. Colton frowned. He hated that Ryland thought this was true.

“You’re braver than you give yourself credit for,” he huffed.

“Nah, it’s okay. I’m good with you being the brave twin. I’ll stick to being the smart one.”

“Hey, I’m plenty smart.”

“Nuh uh!”

“Uh huh!”

“Nuh—”

“Boys!” their mom’s voice called. “What did I tell you about getting on the roof!”

“Sorry!” Ryland squeaked. Colton just laughed. Her warnings never stopped him, and he would never stop dragging Ryland to the roof, either.

Anything to help his brother realize that he wasn’t as much of a coward as he thought he was.

1 day old

The labor had been brutal, and Holly swore she would never go through this again. She had labored for eighteen fucking hours and birthed her twins naturally. Why did she decide to birth the twins naturally? God only knows, but she’d done it and that was it. Two was enough anyways, and she’d gone ahead and had them both at the same time.

Her dad was down in the hospital cafeteria, trying to find her something other than pudding to eat, which would be fantastic. Her husband was still on his way to them. The twins had decided to come early, and her husband had still been deployed. Well, he was technically on leave now. If only the twins had waited two more days for him to actually get there before evicting themselves.

“Impatient little buggers,” Holly huffed, but she couldn’t help but smile at the bassinet next to her bed. It was just the three of them in the room for now.

Ryland was still curled protectively around Colton, as he had been since his brother was placed next to him. The sight made Holly’s heart swell.

Ryland had been born first. He’d been quick and easy. Holly had been surprised to receive him into her arms after what she had thought was just a rather painful contraction and push. He had cried right away. No, not just cried.

Ryland Grace had come into the world absolutely wailing and screaming. Holly had cried with joy as she held her first born son, before passing him off to a midwife to clean and weigh him.

Colton had been a lot harder. He was in breach position, so his delivery had been excruciating and long, and Ryland screamed and screeched the entire time. Nearly an hour after Ryland had been born, Colton finally came into the world.

As soon as Colton began to cry, Ryland had stopped. It was as if he knew his brother was with him again, and all was well.

“You two are going to take good care of each other, aren’t you?” Holly wondered as she stroked each of her boys’ noses. “We’ll never find one without the other.”

Ryland cooed as if in agreement, and Colton wrapped his tiny fingers around his brother’s wrist. Holly watched her beautiful twins and smiled.

3 years old

All the jokes about first born children versus second born children seemed to be true, even if said children were twins.

Because Colton Grace was a menace.

“Colton! What did you do?” Holly shouted as she came running out into the backyard. Ryland was standing by the swingset crying, and Colton was laying on the ground.

“H-H-He fell!” Ryland sobbed. “H-H-He’s h-hurt!”

“I’m okay!” Colton exclaimed, popping up from the ground with an arm that was not supposed to be bending that way.

“Holy hell, Colton. What happened?” Holly exclaimed, rushing forward and kneeling next to her son and grabbing his arm gently so he stopped swinging it around. Yup, it was definitely broken.

“I was flying,” Colton said simply, his eyes glazing over with shock now from the pain.

“He swinged too high a-a-and then jumped and h-h-his awm made a noise when he f-f-fell!” Ryland sobbed as he stumbled towards them. “I told him not to!”

“Shh, it’s okay Ryland. Take a deep breath for me,” Holly said. “Can you go run down the street and get grandpa and tell him we’re going to urgent care? I’m going to get your brother strapped into the car.”

“O-O-Okay!”

And two weeks later, when Colton was casted and off his antibiotics and back to jumping off the swingset while Ryland screeched at him to be careful, Holly knew that her second born kid was going to be all sorts of trouble growing up.

8 years old

Ryland loved space. He really did. He wanted to know everything about space. At least, that’s what he used to think.

Colton used to like space too. They’d read all the books about the moon and Mars and all the stars together. But while Colton had quickly grown disinterested with the idea of being an astronaut, instead turning to toy cars and learning what types of vehicle each one was, Ryland couldn’t stop reading about their solar system.

He was an advanced reader, too. Both he and Colton were already reading books meant for 5th or 6th graders. But while Colton would spend recess out on the playground with his friends, Ryland preferred to spend his time in the library pouring over whatever books he could find about space.

Which is ultimately how he stumbled upon some literature about the Fermi paradox, which led him to his current situation.

Ryland laid on the grass out in his backyard. He stared up into the night sky, the stars spinning above him as his breathing got faster and faster. He knew he technically wasn’t staring up into space. Space was a void. He was staring down into empty space.

If the gravity suddenly went away, Ryland would start falling. He’d fall into the black void, forever and ever and ever.

Ryland gasped and dug his fingers into the grass, hoping to keep himself tethered to the ground so he wouldn’t fall away. The stars swirled in his vision, laughing at him.

If he fell into space, there would be nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

And that is what terrified Ryland after reading about the Fermi paradox.

The idea that there was nothing out there. Stars and planets and black holes, sure. But no life. Nothing at all. Earth was all there was. And knowing just how big space was, even the thought that Earth was all there was terrified Ryland down into his core.

We can’t be alone, he thought to himself as his vision blurred with tears. We just can’t be alone. Space is too big for us to be alone. We are so so so small and there is so much nothing all around us and if we’re alone then what happens when the Earth is gone?

Ryland choked on his next breath as it broke into a sob. The fear he felt was making him tremble now. He stared into the void and imagined nothing staring back at him, and his blood went cold.

We can’t be alone!

“Ry? What are you doing?” Colton’s voice called to him. Ryland tried to call back to his brother, but no sound came out of his mouth. A moment later, Colton was at his side, his eyes wide with fear. “Ry? What’s going on? Are you hurt?”

Ryland couldn’t breathe. He gasped for a breath, a sob coming out instead. Colton made a sound of distress and collapsed next to him.

“MOM! DAD! SOMETHING’S WRONG WITH RYLAND!” he shouted as he gathered Ryland into his arms.

The moment his brother had him, Ryland could breathe again. He drew in a ragged breath and flung his arms around Colton as he cried.

“Colt!” he wailed.

“Ryland! Oh, baby!” their mom shouted as she and their dad came running outside.

“Ryland, are you hurt?” dad ordered as he knelt next to them. He tried to take Ryland away, but Ryland didn’t want to leave Colton yet.

“N-No,” he cried. “Colt!”

“I’m here!” Colton reassured him, tears in his own eyes now.

“What happened, baby?” mom asked gently, gathering both Ryland and Colton into her arms.

“I-I don’t know! I couldn’t breathe!” Ryland sniffled as his cries began to calm down. “I was thinking about how b-b-big our universe is, and thinking about what if there was no other life besides here, and I scared myself and then I couldn’t breathe!”

“What were you scared about?” Colton asked frantically.

“That… That… That we’re the only planet that has life, and that there’s nothing else even though the universe is so big!”

“Oh, you have such a big heart, buddy,” mom said as she kissed the top of Ryland’s head. He melted into her embrace more.

“Why were you thinking about all that in the first place?” Colton exclaimed.

“I couldn’t help it!” Ryland huffed, wiping at his eyes.

“I wish I could give you a definite answer to make you less scared, bud,” dad said softly. “You’re pretty smart, though. What do you think? Is there life out there?”

Ryland looked back into the night sky, to all the stars twinkling in the dark.

And maybe because it made him less scared, he knew what his answer was.

“I don’t think we’re alone. I think there is something out there. I’m going to find it one day.”

“I know you will,” mom said, giving him another kiss on the head.

“But you don’t want to be an astronaut,” Colton huffed.

“I don’t have to be an astronaut to find alien life,” Ryland argued. “I’ll find it and study it from here. Just watch me.”

“No, that sounds boring!”

“It’s not!”

“Is too!”

“Boys,” mom scolded.

“Sorry,” Ryland and Colton said together.

“Let’s go get you both in bed,” dad said. “It’s way past your bedtime anyways.”

“I’m not tired,” Colton huffed.

“I am,” Ryland admitted. Not tired, really, but he felt exhausted. Whatever had happened where he couldn’t breathe and was panicking had left him feeling like he had run around the school’s track ten times.

“Come on then, sweetheart,” mom said, standing first after placing a kiss first on Ryland’s cheek and then Colton’s.

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Ryland asked, his voice trembling. He still felt scared about the universe and he could tell he was going to have nightmares and he wanted to feel safe and tucked between his parents.

“Of course, Ryland,” dad said softly, pulling him into a tight hug. Ryland curled himself into his dad’s arms, feeling warm and protected.

“What about you, Colton? Want to join us?” mom wondered.

“No way! I’m too old to sleep in bed with my parents now!” Colton huffed.

“Too old?” Ryland squeaked, his cheeks burning right away.

“Not too old,” mom said firmly. “It’s okay if you still want to sleep with us sometimes, Ryland. Colton, it’s okay if you don’t. Some people grow up faster than others, that’s all.”

“Ha! I’m growing up faster than you, Ry!” Colton exclaimed.

“You’re going to have to get a job first then, Colt,” Ryland huffed, sticking out his tongue. “And I’m still older than you. You can’t change that.”

“Older by, like, ten minutes.”

“Forty-eight minutes, if you want to be precise,” mom laughed.

“Ha! See? I’ll always be forty-eight minutes older than you!” Ryland boasted.

“Whatever,” Colton grumbled. “I’m still growing up faster than you.”

15 years old

Ryland walked in on Colton kissing Jenny Jeffries and his mind screeched to a halt.

“What are you doing?”

“Ry, get out!” Colton shrieked.

“Sorry, Ryland!” Jenny squeaked, as if it was her fault she was in Ryland and Colton’s shared room.

“No, you get out!” Ryland huffed. “I have homework to do!”

“This is my room!” Colton argued, standing from his bed and crowding into Ryland’s space. Ryland shoved him back and continued to his desk.

“It’s my room, too! If you wanna swap spit with some girl, go out to the pool or something!”

“Some girl?” Jenny gasped before storming out of the room.

“Jenny! Come back! Ry’s just being a dick! Come on!” Colton exclaimed, chasing after her. Ryland’s cheeks burned, and he threw his backpack to the ground.

Jenny was a good friend. He didn’t know why he'd said that. He just wanted her and Colt out of their room. Ryland sighed and pulled out his AP Biology textbook. He didn’t have to wait long before Colton stormed back into the room.

“You scared Jenny off! She went home!” he hissed as he slammed their bedroom door shut behind him. “Why’d you interrupt her and I like that?”

“You were making out in our room!” Ryland exclaimed defensively.

“So? It’s our room! I can do whatever I want in here!”

“Not if it’s gross things like that! This is my space, too, you know!”

“You can make out with girls in here, too, if you want,” Colton said with a shrug. “I know Victoria has a crush on you. You should invite her over some time!”

Ryland imagined doing just that. Inviting Victoria over. Kissing her. Just the thought of that made his entire body shudder.

“I don’t think I’m into kissing. Not yet, at least,” Ryland said quietly.

“How can you not be? Did you know that Jenny lets me touch her boobs sometimes when we kiss? It’s great!”

“Ew! Why would I want to touch a girl’s boobs?” Ryland’s entire face felt like it was on fire. “Colt, can we stop talking about this? I have so much homework. Please.”

The room went quiet. Ryland could feel his brother’s eyes on the back of his head as he opened his AP Biology book to the unit they were currently on. Cell communication and cell life was way more interesting than girls.

“Does kissing girls really make you that uncomfortable?” Colton asked softly after a moment. Ryland bit his lip and nodded. Colton walked over and sat next to Ryland. “What about kissing boys? You know mom won’t mind.”

“Kissing anyone makes me feel uncomfortable,” Ryland hissed, finally looking up at his brother. Colton’s eyes went wide, but there was no judgment there. He only shrugged after a moment.

“I guess that means I get more girls!”

“I’m pretty sure Jenny would be mad if you kissed more girls than her. And mom wouldn’t like that, either.”

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Hey, I’ll write your history essay if you do my trig homework?”

“Deal.”

25 years old

Colt loved his job. It was seriously the best job in the world. He’d won. Ryland wished his job was as cool as Colt’s.

Being a stuntman was the best.

He got to spend his days driving cool cars, spinning donuts, crashing them. He got to jump off of buildings and do awesome flips and get set on fire. He got to travel around the world for his job. It was a blast! What did Ryland do all day? Well, Colt couldn’t even begin to wrap his head around the research his brother did, especially now that he was years into his dissertation, but he did know that Ryland spent his entire day in a lab somewhere with no windows and bright, fluorescent lights that gave him headaches and made his eyes go bad faster than Colt’s had.

So yeah, Colt definitely won at life.

He was currently in Prague with his film crew. He and his team had been practicing the stunts they were going to be doing for an epic car chase and shootout happening in the movie being filmed. He’d been able to do some sightseeing in his free time and had already sent Ryland a postcard. He loved seeing how long it took for his postcards to make it to his brother.

“Hey, Colt! They’re ready for you,” Dan called out to him, pulling Colt from his thoughts. Colt downed the rest of his coffee and gave a thumbs up.

“Let’s do this.”

“And make sure you stick the landing,” Dan said as he helped Colt adjust the straps underneath his costume that would be attached to the lines pulling him out of a trolley window. “We’ve got a new camera operator, so don’t look like an ass, all right?”

“What happened to Greg?” Colt wondered.

“Got sick. Food poisoning, or maybe alcohol poisoning. I told him not to drink that liquor he got from Budapest last night.”

“Well, don’t worry. I always stick the landings,” Colt said.

Moments later, action was called, and Colt got to work. He executed the rehearsed fight, throwing punches and kicks, before being ‘kicked’ back himself. The lines attached to him pulled, and he went flying out of the trolley window. He braced himself against the prop glass, and didn’t even grunt as he hit the padded landing outside of the trolley.

“Very lovely, Colt!” the director called, and Colt gave a thumbs up to show all was good.

Then he looked up and locked eyes with the camera operator who had just filmed his stunt.

She was beautiful.

Colt got lost in her eyes right away. So blue and bright in the afternoon sun. Her hair looked like caramel in the sunlight, and her hands looked steady as she held her camera out. Then she smiled at him and returned his thumbs up.

Colt was a goner right away.

9 years old

Ryland loved math. He loved solving the problems their teacher gave them in class. He loved filling out the worksheets and completing the homework. He often did Colton's homework, too, just so he could do more math problems.

What Ryland did not love, however, was writing. He loathed all their grammar lessons, all the essays they had to write, and he, as often as he could get away with it, had Colton write them for him. Colton loved all the writing assignments. It was a perfect balance. Ryland was more advanced in math and science, and Colton was better with english and writing and all that.

So it surprised Ryland when Colton got called on in class and couldn’t read the sentence written on the board.

“It’s too small,” Colton huffed, his cheeks red as the class giggled around him after he had failed to read what was written.

“Try moving closer and try again,” their teacher encouraged him. Colton grumbled but did as she asked. Ryland watched his shoulders untense as soon as he was closer, and he was able to read the board perfectly.

When Colton returned to the back next to Ryland, Ryland leaned in to whisper to him.

“What was that about?”

“I dunno? I really couldn’t read the board until I was closer,” Colton huffed. “The letters were all blurry.”

“Uh oh. You know what that means?” Ryland wondered, a grin forming on his face.

“No?”

“You’re going to have to wear glasses!”

“No way! I refuse!”

“I’m telling mom!”

“No, you’re not!”

“Boys! Settle down back there, or I will separate you. Again.”

Ryland did end up tattling to their mom as soon as they were home. Colton tackled him for it, but it was too late. The damage had been done.

“I’ll schedule something with an eye doctor,” mom said firmly. “If you need glasses to see, you’re going to get them, Colt. Either that, or you can sit in the front of the class, which I know you hate doing.”

And because their mom was efficient, they were all at the eye doctor just two days later. Ryland was fascinated with all the machines the doctor used to test Colton’s eyes, and he asked a lot of questions as they went. Mostly because he was curious, but also because he knew it helped distract Colton from the fact that he was in a doctor’s office.

The verdict was exactly what Colton was dreading most.

“He definitely needs glasses,” the doctor said.

“No!” Colton wailed. “I’ll look like a nerd!”

“They’ll help you see better, Colt,” mom said firmly.

“And you’ll look like a nerd!” Ryland laughed. Colton shoved him, which only made Ryland laugh louder.

“Since you’re here, we should test you as well, Ryland,” the doctor said.

“Me?” Ryland exclaimed. “But I can see just fine! Colt is the blind one!”

“Identical twins tend to have similar vision problems,” the doctor stated. “While it is possible for only one to need glasses, in my experience, if one twin’s eyesight worsens, the other tends to follow soon after.”

“What?”

Ryland groaned as he sat through his testing as well. To his disappointment, it was determined that he would also need to have glasses.

“Ha! You’ll be a nerd, too!” Colton cackled after the doctor had given her diagnosis. Ryland glared at his brother for a moment before turning back to their doctor.

“Whose eyesight was worse? Mine or Colt’s?”

“Colton’s eyes are a little worse than yours, Ryland.”

“Ha! I win then!”

“Not fair!”

26 years old

It was a sunny and beautiful day in San Francisco, which is not what they needed. They needed the fog for a moody scene, and while the weather was initially predicted to be just that, it had unexpectedly warmed up, the sun burning the fog away. Which meant they were going to have to wait a day or two to film the scene, because the director didn’t want to use visual effects or a studio.

“At least there’s a lot to do here,” Jody said as she and Colt walked off the set together after wrapping up for the day.

“You ever been to San Francisco before?” Colt wondered.

“Nope. First time.”

“There’s a great dumpling restaurant we should go to!”

“Yeah? You buying, Colt Seavers?” Jody felt her cheeks warm.

“Of course, Jody Moreno,” Colt said with a grin.

They had been flirting for a few months now. Gone out for a few coffees as well. Jody knew they were mutually interested in each other, but they had also both been too nervous to take the next step in making it an actual relationship. Which worked. Jody liked the easy banter and teasing that came with talking to Colt Seavers.

The dumpling dinner was absolutely fantastic. Colt hadn’t been lying. While they chatted over xiaolongbao and shared a few beers, Jody learned that Colt actually spent a lot of time in San Fransisco. He mentioned family in the area, but didn’t offer any more and Jody didn’t press.

They definitely weren’t at the family sharing stage of their relationship, if you could call their flirting that.

But the conversation had been nice and easy and Colt told her he’d buy her breakfast the next morning as well.

“There’s a bakery here that I love, and their coffee is great, too,” Colt said as they walked out of the restaurant together, their hands brushing against each other.

“Yeah? Do they do matcha there? I love a good matcha,” Jody said.

“They do. Can’t vouch for how good it is, since I always get coffee while I’m there, but wanna meet me there to try it?”

“Sounds perfect.”

Colt opened his mouth again, and for a moment Jody thought he was going to invite her back to his hotel room. But then he closed his mouth, smiled, and bid her a good night before disappearing.

Jody could hardly sleep that night. Her friends all made fun of her for her silly crush on Colt Seavers, but she couldn’t help herself. He was just so charming and handsome and surprisingly kind. Of course, most of the people she had worked with in stunts tended to be kind, down-to-Earth people.

The next morning, Jody woke up early to get ready, washing and drying her hair so it laid smoothly on her head. She made her way to the bakery, showing up a little earlier than Colt had said he would be there, which was probably a good thing considering how long the line was. She stepped into line to wait, and that’s when she saw him.

Colt was already at the front of the line, paying for whatever he had ordered. Jody opened her mouth to call out to him and scold him for not waiting for her, but then she froze. What in the world had Colt done to his hair?

He’d lost all of his bleached highlights, his hair darker and warmer and a little shorter. Tom Ryder was going to kill him, if their director didn’t first. He had a stunt to film today! Why now would he cut and dye his hair?

Jody charged up to Colt as he finished paying. He turned around, a chocolate croissant in one hand and an iced drink in the other, which was another odd thing because Colt always took his coffee hot, even when it was sweltering outside. What was going on?

“Colt? What happened to your hair?” Jody exclaimed. “You can’t just go and cut it in the middle of filming! You know this!”

“Huh?” Colt gasped, whipping around to look at her. That’s when Jody noticed what was on his face. “You wear glasses? Why didn’t I know this?”

“I’m sorry, I think—” Colt tried to say, but Jody wasn’t done.

“Nevermind all that, we can deal with this back on set. Why didn’t you wait for me before ordering?”

“Um, I think you’re confusing me for someone else,” Colt said. Jody opened her mouth to tell him off again when she stopped herself.

The man in front of her stared at her with wide eyes. He was absolutely identical to Colt, and they sounded the same as well, but something about his stance and his muscle structure and even his tone was off.

This wasn’t Colt.

Before Jody could embarrass herself any further, the door to the bakery rang again, and the actual Colt Seavers walked in.

“Wha—” Jody gasped, looking between the two identical men that now stood in the shop. Colt looked over and spotted them, his entire face lighting up.

“Ry?” he exclaimed happily.

“Colt?” the man who was not Colt but looked like Colt squeaked. Yes, squeaked.

“Ry! What are you doing here?” Colt said, opening his arms wide as he strode towards them.

“What am I doing here? I live here, you dunce! What are you doing here?” the other man huffed, but he opened his arms as well and accepted the bear hug Colt enveloped him in like it was a regular occurrence.

“I’m filming a movie! I thought you were in Paris for that UNESCO thing?”

“That’s not until next week. Why didn’t you say you were going to be here? How long are you here for?”

“For a couple more days at least. Dude, I thought I was gonna miss you! This is great!”

“Colt?” Jody huffed, starting to feel very left behind in the conversation.

“Sorry,” Colt said with a sheepish smile. He grabbed the man identical to him and swung him around so that they both faced her. “Jody, this is my twin brother, Ryland. Ryland, this is my… friend, Jody.”

“Twin?” Jody gasped.

“Hang on, this is Jody?” the man, Ryland, exclaimed.

“Yes, so play it cool,” Colt said, a warning tone to his voice. But Ryland seemed to ignore this completely, a rather mischievous grin stretching across his face.

“Jody, hi. I’m Ryland Grace. I’ve heard so much about you from Colt here. Honestly, I’m surprised he even felt confident enough talking to someone as beautiful a—”

“I will throw you into the bay,” Colt hissed, slinging his arm around his twin brother, who was apparently a thing.

“Oh my God, it’s so nice to meet you, Ryland,” Jody said, shaking her head to clear it of any remaining confusion. “Colt never mentioned you, but I can certainly see the resemblance.”

“Ha, I know,” laughed Ryland. “Are you also a stunt person?”

“Oh, heavens no! I just operate the cameras and film him doing those tricks.”

“A much smarter profession, if I may say.”

“Whatever,” Colt interrupted them. “You’re just jealous that my job is cooler than yours.”

“Um, excuse you,” Ryland scoffed. “Sequencing pathogens happens to be very interesting to those with actual brains.”

“Are you a scientist?” Jody wondered.

“Microbiologist, but yeah.”

“So you’re the smart twin.”

“Hey!”

“Yes, I am,” Ryland said with a grin. “Obviously. This one here decided that crashing cars for a living was more fun.”

“It is,” Colt said defensively.

“Has he ever told you about the time he broke his arm jumping out of a swingset?” Ryland wondered.

“Ry—” Colt tried to warn, but Jody shushed him.

“Oh, please. I would love to hear any embarrassing stories you have,” she said quickly.

“With pleasure. Hey, Linda!” Ryland called back to one of the baristas. “Could I get two hot americanos and a few more croissants?”

“You got it!” the barista called back. Ryland was obviously a regular here.

“Let’s go find a place to sit, shall we?” Ryland chirped.

“Yes please,” Jody said, excitement buzzing in her chest now.

“Ry,” Colt said again in warning.

“I’m older than you. You can’t stop me,” Ryland said happily. Colt groaned.

“I’m really gonna regret introducing the two of you, aren’t I?”

11 years old

Colton honestly didn’t know what to do or how this had come to be his life. He’d always been the more reckless twin. He was the one who liked jumping off of swings and crashing his skateboard down a hill. He was the one who joined the soccer team while Ryland stayed inside to read his books. Ryland had never been as outgoing or physical as him.

So why was it that Ryland was the one getting in trouble for getting into a fist fight?

It had all happened faster than Colton could react. He’d been kicking a soccer ball with some of his friends, Ryland sitting on one of the swings reading a book. One moment, Colton had happily been scoring a goal, and the next, his attention was drawn to shouting and commotion.

He rushed over, of course. If there was a fight, he wanted in on the drama. He balked when he reached the crowd and realized it was Ryland sitting atop the other boy, throwing punches.

“Ry! Ry, what are you doing?” Colton exclaimed, inserting himself immediately and trying to pull his brother away from the other boy.

“You’re such a fucking idiot!” Ryland screamed at the other boy.

“You’re crazy!” the other kid shouted back.

“Ry!” Colton hissed.

“The moon landing was real! You absolute cotton-brained, waste of carbon, moron—”

“Ry!” Colton tried again, but his brother continued to struggle in his arms.

“The moon landing was a hoax!” the other boy said loudly, struggling to his feet with his bloody nose. Colton sighed. Well, there was no helping it. If the kid wanted to argue with Ryland about space history, then it was his own fault he’d gotten hit. Ryland’s anger surged and Colton prepared to let his brother attack the kid again.

“Were you raised by chickens, you brainless, prokaryote—”

The teachers intervened before Colton could let go of his brother. Both Ryland and the kid were sent to the principal, and their guardians were called. Colton waited after school for his grandpa to show up, since mom was working a case and was gone for a few days.

Colton wasn’t allowed in while grandpa spoke to Ryland and the principal, but he knew Ryland wouldn’t be in a lot of trouble, not with grandpa there. The principal, and most teachers, really liked grandpa for some reason. So Ryland walked away with a warning not to start a fist fight again, and grandpa took them home.

Ryland sulked up to his room as soon as they were home. Colton watched him go, wanting to follow him but sensing his brother needed a little space.

“Was Ry hurt at all?” Colton asked his grandpa as he started on dinner for them all.

“Nah. He knows how to throw a good punch, just like my partner taught you boys,” grandpa said with an easy smile.

“It was the other kid’s fault anyways,” Colton said. “He said the moon landing wasn’t real.”

“I can see why that made Ryland attack him then. Still, he was the one who threw the first punch, and he can’t be doing that. You too, for that matter, so no getting any ideas.”

“Well then why did Grandpa J teach us how to punch in the first place?”

“So that you boys can defend yourselves and finish a fight if you have to. Just don’t go looking for any trouble, you hear me? Your mom will kill you if you go looking for fights. You know she will.”

Colton sighed. His grandpa was right. “I’m going to go see if Ry wants company now.”

“Tell him food will be ready in twenty minutes,” grandpa said as he began cooking the spaghetti noodles.

Colton stomped up the stairs to his and Ryland’s shared room, loud enough that Ryland wouldn’t be startled when he walked into the room. Colton opened the door and stepped inside, immediately spotting his brother tucked into the corner with his arms crossed as he cried.

“Ry? What’s wrong!” Colton exclaimed, rushing to his brother’s side.

“I got in trouble,” Ryland sniffed, wiping his arm across his face.

“Yeah, because you punched someone,” Colton stated as he knelt in front of his older brother.

“You’re the one who’s supposed to get in trouble. You always pick fights. I shouldn’t have gotten in trouble in the first place. Steve was being stupid. Who doesn’t believe in the moon landing?”

“Yeah, he was pretty dumb. But you can’t go punching people because you’re smarter than them. You’d have to punch a lot of people if you did that.”

Ryland finally laughed at that, and Colton felt his chest swell with pride.

“Look, just let me know the next time you want to fight someone for being dumb, okay?” Colton huffed. “I’ll come beat them up for you so you don’t get into trouble.”

“Colt, I’m the older twin. I’m the one who should be looking out for you instead of you looking out for me,” Ryland said firmly.

“Nuh uh, that’s not how it works,” Colton argued.

“Is too.”

“I’m stronger than you, and faster. When it comes to stuff like this, I’ve got your back. You can look out for me when it comes to homework, but I’ll watch over you for everything else.”

Ryland stared at him, his eyes watery. Colton smiled at him, trying to convey how much he meant those words. He was the younger twin, yes, but he knew he was the stronger one. He’d watch out for Ryland, always, because Ryland would always watch out for him in the things he couldn’t.

They would always have each other’s backs.

“I’m glad you’re my brother,” Ryland finally said, shifting so he could wrap his arms around Colton.

“Me too,” Colton said, hugging his brother as fiercely as he could.

28 years old

Ryland hated his life. He was truly and totally miserable, and it was all his fault. Yes, it really was, and he couldn’t deny it any longer. He had finally stopped blaming Dr. Waste-of-Carbon-and-Wrong-About-Alien-Life and accepted that his own reaction was to blame for his disgrace from the world of academia.

Grace the disgrace. Ha.

Ryland snorted and rolled back over in his bed. He hadn’t showered for two days and he could smell himself. His hair was greasy and he hated the way it felt, but still, the effort of showering was too much right now. He just wanted to lay in bed and wallow until… well… He just wanted to wallow for the time being, okay?

He was starting to get hungry, and he’d finished off his last stash of ramen the night before. He’d eaten a Snickers for breakfast, but it had to be early afternoon by now and he stomach was grumbling. Maybe he could order something to be delivered.

Except, he didn’t have a job now, so maybe he shouldn’t be spending money like that.

But he really was hungry.

Uuuuugh.

Ryland groaned and buried his head into his pillow. He was so pathetic. Why’d he let his anger get the better of him like that? He just hadn’t been able to keep the debate civil, not after the statements about his thesis being “wrong” and “inconceivable.” Whatever. They were all idiots.

Ding!

Ryland grunted and raised his face out of his pillow. Just who the hell was at his door?

Knock knock knock!

“Jesus,” Ryland hissed as he rose from his bed. He picked up a less dirty hoodie from the floor and put it on as he made his way to the front door as the knocking got more and more insistent and annoying.

“What the fu—” Ryland began to demand as he opened his front door, but he froze as soon as he saw who was there. “Colt? What are you doing here?”

“You look like shit,” Colt huffed, pushing past Ryland with arms full of bags.

“Hey,” Ryland whined, but he could do nothing to stop his brother. Colt was, quite frankly, huge now compared to Ryland, with all the stunt work and working out he did for his job nowadays. Ryland had been forced to start going to the gym just so that he didn’t look like a complete dweeb next to his identical twin.

Not that he’d gone for several weeks now. Jesus, he was such a mess, wasn’t he?

“No seriously, what are you doing here?” Ryland wondered as he followed Colt into his own apartment.

“I heard from mom what happened. Figured you’d be moping around,” Colt said as he set the bags he was carrying down on the counter and began to pull out groceries of all things.

“Mom needs to mind her own business,” grumbled Ryland.

“She’s literally our mom.”

“So? I’m twenty-eight! I can handle myself!”

“Your fridge is empty and you smell like our dorm in college.”

“Ouch.” But fair. Ryland could smell himself now that Colt was here, and it was not nice.

“Ry, go take a shower,” Colt said, firm but gentle. “I’m gonna make us some curry. Get yourself together.”

Ryland let out a shuddering breath, and his eyes prickled and burned. There was no judgement at all in his brother’s tone. To him, doing this was easy. Flying up from Los Angeles, buying groceries, cooking dinner for them, it was all easy for Colt. He was good at taking care of people that way.

“Okay,” Ryland said softly, cursing his voice for breaking a little. Colt just smiled at him and turned the stove on.

A shower did feel absolutely fantastic. Ryland let himself bask in the warm water for longer than was necessary. He found and put on a clean pair of sweats and a knitted cardigan his mom had bought him then made his way back to his kitchen. The delicious smell of curry greeted him there as Colt served up two bowls of rice.

“Feeling better?” Colt asked as Ryland sat down.

“Yeah. Thank you,” Ryland said, taking the bowl that was given to him. Colt grabbed his bowl and sat next to him, and they ate in silence. Ryland took the bowls once they were done eating, rinsing and loading them into his dishwasher. He also washed up the dishes Colt had used to cook, because he wasn’t that helpless.

Then they moved to the couch to sit down together. Ryland pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around them. He waited, unwilling to be the first to speak after Colt had found him in such an embarrassing state. He didn’t have to wait long.

“What happened, Ry?”

“Can we not talk about it?” Ryland snapped.

“Nope,” Colt said, popping the ‘p.’ “Spill.”

Ryland sighed heavily. “I was a cocky idiot, just like my little brother.”

“Ha ha. Go on.”

“I lost my temper,” Ryland admitted. “One of the top researchers in my field started attacking my dissertation, saying that my idea about how life evolves is ridiculous and implausible. I started arguing with him, and I ended up shouting at him at the UNESCO conference over in Denmark, and my sponsors didn’t like that so they cut me off.”

“Wow. Just like all those fights you got in when we were in elementary,” Colt said with a grin. Ryland’s cheeks burned.

“It’s not funny, Colt. I lost my job because of it this time. I’m a fucking failure.”

“You messed up, but you’re only a failure if you don’t get back up.”

“Well maybe I’m okay with being a failure.”

“Are you really?” Colt wondered. “You’re content moping around and wasting all that brainy potential you have?”

“I’m not like you,” Ryland said sharply. “You’re good at getting up when you fall. I’m not like you. I’m not brave, or persistent. I’m just a big coward.”

“Hey, don’t you dare talk about my older brother like that,” Colt hissed, his voice finally growing sharp. “Ry, you are so much more than a failure, and I’m going to help you realize that. You are so smart, and you’re way more clever than I am, and you’re in a funk right now but this is just a temporary thing. I’m great at getting back up when I fall down, and I’ll help you get back up after this, okay?”

Ryland felt his eyes burn, and a tear slipped down his cheek before he could stop it. He sniffed loudly and tried to clear his throat, but he couldn’t find his voice. Colt stared at him with understanding eyes.

“Look, I’ve got about a month break from filming and stunts. Come down to Los Angeles with me, yeah? Mom and our grandpas will be happy to see you,” he said.

“I don’t… I don’t have a job right now. Don’t really want to book a flight,” Ryland said, but he knew the argument was weak and he knew what his brother was going to say.

“Good thing I already booked us both a return flight then, huh?” Colt huffed. “Oh what, you think you had a choice about this? You’re coming with me.”

“I don’t need you babysitting me,” Ryland whispered, burying his face into his hands. After a moment, he felt Colt’s warm hand rest on his shoulder.

“Just let me take care of you, Ry. I’m worried. Let me help you back on your feet. For my sake, at the very least.”

Ryland’s resolve crumbled.

“Okay.”

Despite having a guest bedroom, Ryland and Colt both hunkered into Ryland’s room for the night. The next day, Colt helped Ryland pack a bag, and then they were off to the airport.

And after a couple weeks, Ryland had to admit that it was good to be back in Los Angeles, even if he missed the fog of San Francisco. His family was all there, and none of them made him feel bad for losing his job at the labs or being stuck in life for the time being. It was especially nice to hang out with Colt again, who took him out to the beach every weekend.

But as the month wrapped up and Colt prepared to jump into another movie, Ryland had to make the decision to go back to San Francisco.

“You sure you don’t just want to stay here?” Colt wondered as Ryland packed his suitcase once more.

“I like it up in the Bay Area,” Ryland said with a shrug. “I have some things to wrap up there, anyways.”

“You could always find a job down here. And you could crash with me until you do.”

“It’s fine, really. I’ll let you know if I can’t find anything. I promise.”

“Are you sure you’ll be okay up there?”

“Colt,” Ryland said with a smile, standing so he could wrap his brother into a hug, “I’m going to be okay. Thank you for bringing me down here, for bringing me out of my slump. You’ve always been good at looking out for me like that.”

“I’ve got you, Ry,” Colt said, accepting the hug and melting into Ryland a little.

Colt really had helped Ryland. He was feeling a lot better already. Sure, he’d lost his cushy job in research, but he could find something else.

So Ryland returned to San Francisco to start his job hunt. Well, not right away, of course. He still had a bunch of funds saved, and he needed more time to think about what he wanted to do next.

There were a bunch of labs and companies that would hire him, despite his exit from his last job. But Ryland wasn’t sure if he wanted to go back into that kind of setting. Not right away, at least. Maybe he could look for something more hands on? Like working out in nature somewhere?

But a week after returning to San Francisco, Ryland still didn’t have a clear idea of what he wanted to do, besides maybe going after another doctorate. It would be fun, keep him busy, but he’d still need a job to support himself. Maybe he could—

Ring! Ring!

Ryland looked at his ringing phone, blinking in surprise to see Jody’s name flashing. She never called him. Usually they just exchanged texts and photos about Colt doing dumb things.

Ryland’s heart skipped a beat.

He picked up the phone and answered it quickly. “Hello?”

“R-Ryland?” Jody’s voice wavered over the phone. Ryland’s blood went cold.

“Jody? What’s wrong?”

“I-I-It’s Colt. S-Something horrible has happened.”

Ryland was going to throw up.

He booked the first flight he could out of San Francisco down to Los Angeles. He ordered an Uber straight from the airport to the hospital Jody had told him to go to. He found Jody in the waiting room, her face a mess of tears.

“What happened?” Ryland ordered as he bee-lined to her side.

“A stunt went wrong,” Jody croaked. Her voice sounded terrible, like she’d been crying. “The lines didn’t catch him. He fell twelve stories and b-broke his back.”

“What?” Ryland hissed.

“He’s in surgery now.”

Ryland couldn’t breathe.

Colt’s back was broken. He was in surgery. Was he even going to be able to fucking walk again?

“How did this happen?” Ryland ordered once he could find his voice again.

“I-It was an a-accident,” Jody squeaked, her eyes wide with fear. Ryland forced himself to take a calming breath.

“How long have you been here, Jody?” he asked softly.

“Since the ambulance brought him here,” Jody replied, her shoulders sagging with exhaustion. So, since the day before.

“You should go shower and get some sleep. I’ll wait here for Colt,” Ryland said. “I’ll text as soon as I hear anything.”

“Will you?” Jody wondered.

“I will. Go, get some rest.”

Colt came out of surgery an hour and a half later. Ryland, as his brother, was allowed into the room with him.

Ryland cried the moment he saw his brother laid out on the hospital bed. He looked so wrong laying there in all the white. He looked… frail, somehow. Something Colt had never been in his entire life.

“Oh, Colt,” Ryland whimpered as he took a seat next to his brother. “I told you something like this would happen. You idiot.”

He texted Jody that Colt was out of surgery, and then he hunkered down to wait. He let his mom know what was going on, but she and their grandpas were still in Europe on a vacation, so they wouldn’t be able to come visit for another few days.

Ryland tried to get some sleep as well, but it was impossible while his brother laid there, unmoving and injured. The doctor had told Ryland there was hope for him, that he’d be able to walk after some physical therapy. But it was going to be a long road to recovery. Ryland already hurt for his brother and what he was going to have to go through.

“I’ve got you, Colt,” he whispered. “I’ll help you through this.”

A groan answered him, and Ryland shot up from his seated position next to the bed. His eyes met his twin brother’s as they creaked open.

“Colt!” Ryland exclaimed, rushing to his brother’s side and grabbing his hand.

“R… Ry?” Colt murmured, his voice weak and raspy.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Ryland said, brushing some of Colt’s hair off of his forehead.

“What… you… doing?” Colt croaked.

“I’m here watching over you. Do you know where you are? What happened?”

“I…” Colt groaned again. “I fell…”

“Yeah, you sure did.” Ryland took a deep breath so he didn’t start yelling at Colt. “How are you feeling?”

“Can’t move,” Colt hissed, fear filling his eyes. “Ry… Am I… How hurt am I?”

“You had surgery, and the doctor said you’d be able to walk again after lots of therapy, but you’re pretty hurt right now.”

“I can’t feel any pain,” Colt huffed, his eyes drifting slightly. He was still pretty medicated, so it made sense.

“That’s good, Colt. That’s really good,” Ryland whispered.

“Where’s Jody?” Colt wondered, his voice slurring slightly as his eyes continued to drift.

“She was here for a while, but she’s resting right now. I’ll tell her that you’re awake.”

“No… Don’t tell her I fell… ‘S embarrassing…”

“She already saw you fall, Colt,” Ryland huffed. “She’s worried about you, you know?”

“Fuuuuck… She saw me fall?” Colt groaned. “Not cool. Fall shoulda just taken me out…”

“Don’t you even joke about that,” Ryland said sharply. “Not funny, Colton.”

“I fucking fell… So dumb…”

“I thought I was going to lose you!” Ryland cried, pulling Colt’s hand into his chest. “Do you understand how scared I was? I thought you were going to die!”

“But I didn’t,” Colt huffed.

“But you almost—” Ryland cut himself off and forced himself to take another deep breath. It would do no good shouting at Colt like this while he was in this situation. He was fresh out of surgery and high on all sorts of pain medications.

“Ry, I’m okay,” Colt whispered, his fingers weakly squeezing around Ryland’s. Ryland’s breath hitched in his chest and he felt more tears slip down his face.

“You can’t die, Colt,” he whispered. “Not before me. I don’t want to live without you. Promise me you won’t die before I do.”

“Can’t.”

“Can’t?” Ryland exclaimed. “What do you mean you can’t?”

“You already promised me you would die after me. Remember?” Colt huffed, rolling his eyes.

Ryland did remember. It was a promise he’d made back when they were still kids. Dammit, Colt.

“Well, how about this then,” Ryland said around his tears. “No dying until you’re at least 90. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Once Colt was cleared to leave the hospital, Ryland made the arrangements to move his brother up to San Francisco with him. Their grandpas were getting too told to be able to fully care for Colt, and their mom worked cases that left her out at weird hours. Besides, Ryland wanted to care for his brother. He had a decent apartment in San Francisco, and it was even cleaned up after Colt helped him get off his ass, and Colt couldn’t stay in his current space anyway because there was no elevator, and he was stuck in a wheelchair until he started physical therapy. Jody still has a job to do and a movie to film, so she had to stay put, with the promise from Ryland that he would keep her updated on Colt’s progress and healing.

But progress was going to be slow and, here at the beginning, excruciating. Colt had to keep his back immobilized as he recovered from surgery, which meant he was completely dependent on Ryland to go to the bathroom and shower and pretty much everything else. Ryland didn’t mind helping his brother with any of it. Colt had helped him so much throughout the years, supporting him through his doctorate and all his schooling, so he was happy to return the favor.

But Colt loathed being helpless, and he started to get more and more irritated every day. Ryland tried to keep spirits high, but with his brother absolutely unwilling to be anything other than miserable, it was starting to get hard.

The worst was when Colt had to use the bathroom. He wasn’t able to twist around fully yet, not with his back still healing from surgery, which meant he was unable to wipe himself after using the restroom. Ryland had to help him, and he knew this was the most humiliating part for Colt. He always tried to do it quickly and quietly, but today he couldn’t keep quiet.

“Come on, Colt,” Ryland urged after he helped Colt sit on the toilet. “It’s been three days since you’ve showered. Let me help you get clean. You’ll feel a lot better.”

“Fucking let me shit and leave it,” Colt nearly hissed as he slouched on the toilet. Already he was starting to look smaller and smaller, unable to work out at all in his current condition.

“Just two months ago you were forcing me to go take a shower. Now it’s my turn to force you.”

“You can’t force me to do anything. Just leave me alone.”

“You’re a worse patient than I am!” Ryland huffed, biting back the annoyance he was feeling. “I wasn’t this ungrateful when you came and dragged me off my ass after I lost my job and my reputation!”

“Well you didn’t have a fucking broken back, did you! You didn’t have to have your ass wiped like a fucking baby? Or did you want that, too, on top of acting like a toddler?”

“You know what? Fine! Wipe your own fucking ass!” Ryland snarled, standing up and storming out of the bathroom.

For all that Colt was an amazing caregiver, he was a terribly shitty patient who didn’t know how to accept the help he so readily gave out himself.

It took Ryland over an hour to cool off. He went for a short walk around his apartment to steady himself before returning. Colt, of course, was right where Ryland had left him on the toilet. He couldn’t move by himself. Ryland felt sick to his stomach when he thought about how long he’d left Colt there. It didn’t matter how angry he had been, or how much of an ass Colt was at accepting help.

He couldn’t leave his brother like this again.

“I’m sorry,” Ryland whispered as he stepped back into the bathroom.

“No… I’m the one who needs to apologize,” Colt murmured. He’d definitely been crying. Ryland’s heart ached with sharp pain. He wordlessly helped Colt clean up and stand. But before he could take his brother back to his wheelchair, Colt nudged him towards the shower instead.

Ryland helped his brother shower and get clean, letting the water from the shower hide his own tears at the situation.

Things got better once Colt started PT fully. Ryland had done the research and found the best therapist he could with Colt’s insurance in the area. Colt would disappear for hours during the day for his PT, leaving Ryland alone in his apartment with his growing dilemma.

He needed a job again.

Colt obviously couldn’t work in his condition, and he had months before he could return to even a normal job that didn’t have him falling off buildings. His insurance would pay for all his therapy and doctor’s visits, but Ryland needed to find a job again in order to pay rent and feed them.

There was no way he could return to academia. No lab would hire him so soon after his explosive outburst. But he had to find something.

Which eventually led him to taking up a teaching gig at Grover Cleveland Middle School.

At first it was just an easy thing to take up. He could easily bike to the school, and they really needed a science teacher after their previous one had a baby and decided not to come back, and Ryland was very good when it came to science, so it had been a no-brainer.

But then he ended up really enjoying his teaching. Kids, it turned out, were pretty cool. They were witty, and they kept him on his toes, and unlike in academia, they all really looked up to him. It was a great ego boost after everything that had gone down.

Ryland very quickly earned the reputation as the “cool teacher” at school, a title he was thrilled to earn. For four months he worked hard to memorize all his students’ names, created fun games to play in class to quiz them, and made sure the homework he gave out was tough yet entertaining.

All the while, Colt continued to get better and better. He healed up, and the PT helped with his mobility, and soon he was able to shower and use the restroom by himself and even go for short walks. He still had a ways to go mentally, as he was always quiet and mellow nowadays, but progress was being made.

Ryland absolutely loved teaching, he discovered. But every job had its downsides as well, and dealing with parents was the drawback of teaching their infinitely cooler kids.

Ryland sighed heavily as he trudged into his apartment. Today had been terribly long. Painfully long. Parent teacher conferences were exhausting and he was going to have to come up with a better way of dealing with them in the future.

“Colt, how do you feel about ordering pizza tonight?” Ryland called as he dumped his bike helmet onto his kitchen counter. Silence met him. “Colt?” Still nothing. Ryland groaned and shuffled around to his spare bedroom. “Colt, I swear if you’re sleeping again, I—”

Colt’s room was empty.

And it wasn’t just that Colt was gone. His closet was empty, too. His dresser looked cleared out. His Playstation was gone, as was his cane. Only his wheelchair remained in the corner.

“Colt?” Ryland gasped. He quickly pulled out his phone and dialed his brother. It went straight to voicemail without ringing. “What the fudge, Colt? I mean, fuck— God, I’m so used to not swearing around kids now. Fuck, Colt! Where are you? Please call me back!” He ended his voicemail with trembling fingers. That’s when he noticed the note that sat on Colt’s bed. Ryland rushed to it, opening it as fast as he could without tearing the paper.

Ry,

Don’t panic. I’m okay, just leaving. You’ve been the best, letting me stay with you for so long, but I don’t want to be in your hair anymore. I’m sorry you’ve had to care for me like this. You didn’t sign up to wipe your brother’s ass, and I don’t want to impose on you anymore.

I moved all my physical therapy appointments back down to Los Angeles. I promise I’ll still go to them, so don’t worry about that. I also got myself a new place that doesn’t have any stairs, so you don’t have to worry about that either.

I’m really sorry for burdening you for so long, especially when you were going through all your shit, too. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.

I love you.

Colt

“Dammit, Colt!” Ryland hissed, tears stinging at his eyes. He called his brother again, going straight to voicemail once more. “Colt, answer your phone! You can’t just dip on me like this! You’re not a burden! I— Who’s going to look out for you, huh? Have you told mom you’re moving back to LA? Just… Come back, okay? Let me look out for you! Call me back!”

But Colt didn’t call back. Ryland got a text two days later from his brother, stating he was safe and settled into his new place in LA, and that he’d call soon.

But he didn’t call.

Stuntman Colt Seavers dropped off the face of the Earth, and Ryland Grace was pissed.

13 years old

“Today we gather to celebrate the life of Seaver Dillon Grace, beloved son and father.”

Colton wasn’t happy. He’d been forced into a tight and stuffy suit and now he had to sit still for hours. His feet already hurt from the dress shoes.

His throat hurt even worse from holding in his sobs all day. But he refused to cry in front of everyone. Ryland was already doing that enough for both of them. But Colton needed to be strong, for both his brother and their mom.

Their mom had barely spoken since dad died. It had been a training accident, they were told. Being in the navy was a dangerous job. Dad was a good pilot and he tested their machines all the time, but this time it had gone wrong. Now he was gone forever.

Colton didn’t cry as he listened to his mom’s painful sobs as his dad’s body was lowered into the ground.

Colton didn’t cry when Ryland completely fell apart at home. He held his brother as he sobbed and wailed and cried for their father. Colton didn’t shed one tear as he held Ryland together during it all.

Colton didn’t cry when he walked down the stairs in the middle of the night for a glass of water and found his mom passed out drunk on the sofa, a half empty bottle of whiskey on the table next to her. Colton didn’t cry when he put the whiskey away and covered his mom with a blanket so she could sleep.

Colton didn’t cry when Ryland woke up screaming from a nightmare about their dad. He didn’t cry as he tried to calm his brother down, even though his eyes pricked and his chest burned.

“You don’t even care, do you?” Ryland screamed at him as he sobbed. “Dad died and you don’t even care!”

“I do care,” Colton whispered as he held Ryland to his chest.

“You’re not sad! You’re not even sad he’s gone! He’s dead and he’s not coming back and you don’t care!”

Colton couldn’t find the energy to answer. Of course he cared. Of course he was sad. But he didn’t have time to show his sadness, did he? Ryland was already falling apart and mom was drinking more and so he had to swallow his grief, otherwise the loss of dad would consume all of them.

Someone had to be strong.

Colton was good at being strong.

So he didn’t cry as he held his brother until he had cried himself back to sleep. He didn’t cry as he tucked Ryland into bed. He didn’t cry when he went downstairs and put away his mom’s liquor again.

He stopped talking to people. He stopped talking in class. He stopped going to soccer practice. He avoided any line of questioning to his well-being. He kept his hurt to himself and his presence strong for his brother and his mom.

Until three months after his dad died.

They went to visit the cemetery on the three month anniversary of his death. Colton stayed strong as his mom and Ryland sobbed over the grave of Seaver Grace. He tried his best to be the pillar they could lean on.

But that night, he couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Colton snuck out of their hotel room in San Diego and down to the beach. He took his shoes off so he could walk barefoot in the sand. It was cold, with the sun down, but the cold was grounding.

Colton walked along the beach until he found a quiet spot, and then he finally collapsed and began to cry.

All of his sadness bubbled up at once, and his chest burst with pain as he sobbed into the sand. He dug his hands as deep as he could into the cold, wet grains, scraping his knuckles on some larger stones as he went.

He missed his dad so much. He wished he was still there with them. He didn’t know how to keep being strong for his mom and his brother.

He was so sad.

“Colt!”

Colton gasped and looked up to see his brother running towards him on the sand. Ryland’s eyes were wide with fear, Colton could see that even at a distance.

No no no no no! Ry wasn’t supposed to be here! No one was supposed to see him break like this! Colton’s breathing began to speed up.

“Go away! I don’t want anybody to see me like this!” he sobbed, his hands sinking into the wet sand even more as he curled into himself. “Go away!”

“No! Not when you’re hurting like this!” Ryland called stubbornly, and Colton could hear his footsteps rushing towards him in the sand.

“No! Don’t touch me! Go away!” Colton cried. But Ryland didn’t listen. He never listened.

Colton choked on another sob as his brother reached him, falling to his knees and wrapping his arms around him. He tried to shy away into the sand, but Ryland’s grip around him was firm.

“Colt! Why didn’t you say anything? I thought you were fine!” Ryland exclaimed, his voice also sounding watery.

“I have to be fine!” Colton cried. “You and mom aren’t, so I have to be!”

“Colt, it’s okay to be sad,” Ryland said, fully crying now himself. “Dad died, and I’m sad, and I thought you weren’t so I got mad at you, but now I know you’re hurting, too, so why won’t you let me see? We’re brothers! Let me help you like you help me!”

“No, Ry! I have to take care of you! You couldn’t sleep for days after dad died! And mom is drinking more and she never smiles anymore and I just want to keep you both happy!”

Colton’s chest hurt so bad. He wanted his dad. He wanted to stop being sad.

“Colton! Ryland!”

Colton gasped and looked up. His stomach churned with the guilt welling up in him. All he had wanted to do was sneak away so he could have a quick cry. Now both his brother and his mom were here and were going to have to comfort him when he was supposed to be taking care of them!

“Mom! I found him!” Ryland called, not letting go of Colton.

“Boys!” their mom shouted as she ran across the beach, sliding down next to them on the sand once she had reached them.

“I didn’t want you to see me like this,” Colton cried, trying to bury his face into his hands.

“Oh, baby, why not? You’re hurting!” mom said as she gathered both Colton and Ryland into her arms.

“But you and Ry are hurting more! I just… I didn’t want…” Colton turned his face into his mom’s neck and cried.

“Colt!” Ryland whimpered.

“I’m sorry,” Colton sobbed.

“No, Colton baby. I’m the one who should be sorry,” mom whispered. “You’ve been sad and hurting and I haven’t been here for you and Ryland like I should be, and I am so sorry for that.”

“But mommy, you lost daddy,” Colton said sadly. “You were hurting, and Ry wouldn’t stop crying, and I just wanted to take care of you both! Like daddy did!”

“Colt, honey, that’s not your job,” said mom softly. “I just had a talk with your grandpa… Did you know I was about your age when my mom died? My dad carried a lot of guilt for what happened, and he went down a dark hole after she died. I had to grow up very fast, and I had to deal with the pain of losing my mom by myself for a long time.

“My dad… He tried his best, but he didn’t have a good support system. Not until later. And I… I forgot that even though I lost Seaver, and you guys lost your dad, we have people around us who will help us through this hurt. And Colt, you don’t need to carry the burden of your pain alone. I am here for you, and so is Ry. We’ll all hurt and grieve together.

“I can’t promise I won’t make mistakes, but no matter what, you boys will have me, okay? Me and your grandpas will take care of you. Colton, it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be sad. You don’t have to be strong for me. I just want you to feel what you need to feel, and I’ll be here to hold you, okay?”

“Me too!” Ryland said loudly. Colton nodded and clung onto his brother and mom. He continued to cry, all of his sadness about his dad spilling out of him at once. It felt good to cry, and Ryland and their mom were crying, too.

But as Colton cried with his family, his cheeks continued to burn with shame, and he promised himself that this would be the last time he showed weakness in front of them. From now on, he’d do better at taking care of them.

He could be the strong one now that dad was gone.

28 years old

Jody spiraled. She had to drop out of the movie they had been filming, but bills needed to be paid and Gail was asking for her for a new project. It just felt so wrong because Colt wasn’t going to be there.

Not that she was sure she’d ever see him again, which really fucking hurt.

Jody understood that Colt was dealing with a lot. Ryland had given her updates on his recovery post-surgery, about how rough things had been. He had a lot of healing to go through, and PT, and his entire life had been disrupted because of the accident.

But Colt had never texted her himself. She’d only heard from Ryland. No matter how many times she called or texted Colt, he never responded. Which really hurt, if she was being honest with herself.

But she didn’t have time to mope around about it for long. Life moved on, and she wasn’t one to wallow.

So she jumped into her next project. Gail told her that after this one, she had a directing opportunity she might be able to get her, so Jody steeled her resolve to put her best work forward. She wanted to be a director so bad, and she would do whatever it took to get that opportunity.

She focused only on her job and her pilates, and she did her best to forget about Colt Seavers.

Which is why, one day, when she saw him walking towards her on set, she nearly jumped out of her skin.

“C-Colt?” she exclaimed, panic filling her. What the hell was he doing walking around? He needed to be resting, or at the very least in a back brace! He needed to— Wait a moment, he was wearing glasses. Colt refused to wear his glasses in public, so this couldn’t be Colt.

“Sorry, just Ryland,” Colt’s twin brother called, waving awkwardly.

“Ryland? Wh-What are you doing here?” Jody asked, cursing her voice for squeaking a little.

“I know it’s a little creepy showing up like this,” Ryland said, walking towards her with his hands in the pockets of the wool cardigan he was wearing, “but I heard there was a movie being filmed in the area, and so I hoped you’d be one of the camera operators and here we are.”

“You were trying to find me?”

“N-Not in a creepy way, I promise. I just… I have something to say, and it felt too impersonal via text or over the phone,” Ryland said quickly, reaching up with one of his hands to rub at his eyes, knocking his glasses askew in the process.

It was amazing how identical Colt and Ryland were, and at the same time just how different they looked. Ryland’s hair, kept the natural honey-blond Colt’s hair must also be underneath all the bleach, looked so much fluffier than Colt’s. He was smaller, too. Not in height, but in musculature.

But the way Ryland tucked his hands into his pockets and the way his left eye twitched, it was the same as Colt.

God, Jody really missed Colt.

“H-How have you been?” Jody asked softly. “How’s C— No, don’t tell me. I actually don’t care.” She winced at that, realizing as she spoke that this was Colt’s twin brother she was saying it to. “I mean, I do care, but he hasn’t… I don’t…”

“Jody, it’s okay. Trust me, I get it,” Ryland said, a kind smile on his face. “You can be mad at Colt. He kinda deserves it right now.”

“I just… Why won’t he contact me? Let me know how he’s doing? I thought…” Jody’s eyes stung and she turned away from Ryland. “I thought Colt and I… I thought we had something…”

“Look, I know it’s probably a little inappropriate for me to come to you like this and butt into your relationship with my brother,” Ryland said softly, “but he’s the most important person in the world to me, and sometimes he can be really bad at looking out for himself, so I have to do it for him.”

“What relationship? I haven’t heard from him in months,” Jody scoffed. Ryland heaved a heavy sigh and shifted uncomfortably.

“My brother is really good at pushing people away, especially when he’s hurt. He doesn’t like anyone seeing him ‘weak,’ so he’d rather not see them at all if he feels like he’s not at his best.”

“If he wants to push me away then I’ll let him!” Jody exclaimed. “He’s hurting me now, and I won’t just stand around and let him do that to me!”

“You shouldn’t. I wish he would let you in and let you help him, but he won’t so…” Ryland took a deep breath. “I just wanted to come here and say… No, to beg you, really… When he comes around and realizes he’s being an idiot, just hear him out, will you?”

“Did he put you up to this?” Jody couldn’t help but ask.

“No. I… I haven’t heard from him for weeks, too,” Ryland admitted. Jody balked.

“He hasn’t spoken to you, either? But you’re his brother! His twin!”

“Like I said… He’s really good at pushing people away. He doesn’t want people to see him when he’s hurting, so he just disappears.”

“Aren’t you angry that he does that?”

Ryland barked out a bitter laugh. “Oh, I’m quite livid with him right now.”

“So why try to help him?”

“Because he’s my little brother, and I won’t let him self-sabotage himself if I can help it.”

“It sounds like he’s done this before then?” Jody wondered.

“A couple times. The worst was when our dad died when we were thirteen,” Ryland explained. “He held in all his grief for weeks. He didn’t want me or our mom to see him cry, because we were already sad. He was trying to protect us.”

Jody looked at Ryland, and all at once a lot of her anger towards Colt melted away in an instance. She hadn’t known Colt had lost his dad so young. That was a hard thing for anyone to go through at any age.

And Colt had always been the protector. It was one of the reasons Jody had fallen in love with him in the first place.

Whenever there were new stunt people or crew on set, he was the first to approach them and make them feel welcome. He often brough in coffees for everyone on early morning shoots. He’d protected some of their crew at the bars when they got unwelcome advances.

Colt Seavers was a protector, and so it made sense that he maybe didn’t know how to let people protect him for a change.

“I really don’t mean to butt in,” Ryland said, pulling Jody from her thoughts. “Colt is being a jerk right now, and I don’t expect you to just take him back when he does pull his head out of his butt… Just, as his older brother, I have to at least try to defend him. All I ask is that when he does come back around and decides to face you again… Don’t shut him out completely? Let him grovel, let him feel uncomfortable, but don’t shut him out. Please.”

“I won’t,” Jody promised easily, because it was an easy promise to make. “I still… I really care about Colt, Ryland. He’ll have a lot to make up for, but…” But if he came back, Jody would make room for him. She really did love him, and even time apart had not been able to make her forget how he made her feel.

Ryland smiled gratefully at her.

“Thank you, Jody. Colt doesn’t deserve you, but I sure am thankful he has you.”

29 years old

Ring! Ring! Ri—

“Hello, this is Ryland Grace.”

“Ry?”

“Colt? Is that you?”

“Yeah. It’s me.”

“… I haven’t heard from you for five months.”

“I… I know… I’m sorry…”

“I don’t even know what to… Five months, Colt.”

“I know. I know. I’m sorry.”

“… Are you okay?”

“I’m doing better.”

“Don’t lie to me, Colt.”

Sigh. “I’m not in much pain anymore, so that’s something. My back aches if I stand around for too long, but I’ve been going to physical therapy and that’s helped.”

“I miss you. I hate that you left.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying ‘I know’ and ‘I’m sorry.’”

“I… Okay.”

“I really miss you.”

“I’ll come visit soon, I promise.”

Awkward silence.

“What can I do for you, Colt? You sound stressed.”

“Sorry. I just… I saw the news, and… Ry, is it true? Is the Petrova Line really killing our sun?”

Quiet for another long, very uncomfortable moment.

“It’s true. The sun is dimming at an exponential rate that perfectly matchs how much the Petrova Line is growing. Whatever it is, it’s… it’s…”

“Fucking hell.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“Ry… This honestly scares me… How can our sun just be dying like this? What does this mean for us?”

“I know. It scares me, too. I wish we knew what it was.”

“Is there any way to find out?”

“They’re building a probe right now to go investigate, but that will take at least a year or two.”

“Shit. Is there any way to stop the sun from dying?”

“… I don't know, Colt. I really don’t know…”

31 years old

“I don’t need modest. I need people who think they’re right when everyone else thinks they’re wrong. I need people who piss other people off.”

“That’s me!”

“Do you want to be on the project?”

“If you… If you think I can help, then…”

“Just answer the question.”

Ryland froze. He opened his mouth and closed it again. Did he actually want in on this? Could he help figure out what these dots were and how to fix the sun?

Then Ryland remembered just how scared Colt had sounded over the phone. Colt never sounded scared. But now… Ryland had a chance to fix that. He would figure out these dots that were eating the sun. He would help save the Earth. He squared his shoulders and looked at Eva Stratt.

“Yes. I want to help the world.”

The woman nodded and threw his beanbag back to him. “I left you three dots. Get to work, Dr. Grace. The world is counting on you.”

29 years old

Just a month after Ryland learned that the Petrova Line was killing their sun, he learned his brother was dead on the news.

“Following a dramatic boat explosion on Sydney Harbor, police are currently investigating the suicide of American stunt man, Colt Seavers, the man responsible for the recent murder of Henry Herrera, a fellow stunt man.”

Ryland stared at the TV as a terrible buzzing sound filled his ears.

A clip was playing alongside the horrific news, a clip of Colt kicking someone and killing him. Except, it very obviously wasn’t Colt. His body looked all wrong. His mannerisms were all wrong. It wasn’t Colt they were showing on the news.

“Following a dramatic boat explosion on Sydney Harbor, police are currently investigating the suicide of American stunt man, Colt Seavers…”

Ryland couldn’t breathe. His phone started to ring.

“… the suicide of American stunt man, Colt Seavers…”

Ryland picked up the phone and answered it.

“Mom?”

“Oh, Ryland baby. Please tell me you haven’t seen the news yet.”

“Colt’s not a murderer.”

“Shit. I know, baby. I’m going to get to the bottom of this, I promise.”

“Mom, Colt’s not a murderer.”

“I know.”

“Mom… He can’t be gone…”

“Ryland, Grandpa H is flying up right now to be with you. I’m flying to Australia with Grandpa J to figure out what happened. It’s all going to be okay, I promise. Please don’t do anything rash until grandpa get’s there, okay?”

“Colt can’t be gone…”

The phone slipped from Ryland’s fingers. He vaguely heard his mom shouting at him, but he suddenly felt very numb. He hadn’t seen his brother for months, ever since he left San Francisco without saying anything. They’d texted since, and spoken over the phone… but Ryland still hadn’t seen his brother in person for months.

And now he never would again.

He made his way to his bathroom and sat down in his shower. He tried to imagine a life without his twin, but instead his mind began to drift. He turned on the shower, the water set to hot. The scalding water was a relief to the cold numbness that was spreading through his body from inside.

He was still in the shower, soaking wet in his clothes when his grandpa arrived and found him. Ryland had lost all time. He didn’t even know how long it’d been since his mom had called.

“Hey, buddy,” grandpa greeted him, his eyes sad. “I know the apple fell really close to the tree when it comes to genetics, but trust me when I say that sitting in bathtubs does nothing for you.”

“I want Colt,” Ryland whispered. His voice sounded rough, but he had no memory of if he'd been crying or not. His grandpa frowned above him.

“I know. Come on. Let’s go get you some food.”

His grandpa took care of him. He must have explained to the school what was happening, because Ryland was told he didn’t have to worry about going in. Days must pass, but everything blurs together for Ryland.

And then the phone call from mom and Jody came in.

“He’s alive?” grandpa exclaimed over the phone.

“Alive and well,” Jody confirmed.

“For now,” mom added. “That boy is in so much trouble once we’re done with all the legal work to get him out of here.”

“Fuck,” grandpa huffed. “So, he’s not the murderer? He was just framed? Jesus, how’d he get mixed up in all that?”

“Oh trust me, dad. I’ve already chewed him out for everything. I still can’t believe he went back to doing stunts without telling any of us.”

“I promise I didn’t know it was him when I made him roll the car,” Jody added over the phone.

“Ryland? You doing okay?” mom wondered.

“Colt’s alive?” Ryland asked once he found his voice.

“Yes, baby. He’s okay.”

Ryland nodded and walked away, leaving his grandpa to finish up the call.

Colt was alive, but Ryland still felt numb. All he could see when he closed his eyes was the explosion.

Why hadn’t Colt called him himself?

Grandpa eventually had to leave, and Ryland promised he would be okay. He went back to teaching school, and his kids complained that their substitute teacher sucked. It felt good to be so wanted and loved at school.

Ryland continued on with his routine, ignoring the painful feeling that’d been stuck in his chest since he learned Colt had ‘died.’ He still felt so terribly numb.

So numb, that when the doorbell to his apartment rang one day, he answered it without even realizing what he was doing. He normally checked who was there first, but he’d stopped caring about things like that.

So he was wholly unprepared for the sight that greeted him, and he almost dropped his morning coffee.

Colt was standing on his doorstep, Jody just a few paces behind him. She was beaming, but Colt just looked downright sheepish.

“Hey, Ry,” he said. Ryland’s mouth opened, but he couldn't find any words to say. He was feeling a lot of things all at once and it was a little overwhelming.

Anger was the first thing he was able to name. Ryland was angry. No, not just angry. He was— excuse the language— pissed off! Colt went and disappeared off to Australia and then got framed for murder and then died and Ryland had to learn about it all on the fucking— again, excuse the language— news!

The next thing Ryland feels is pure and utter relief. He knew Colt was alive and innocent, because Jody and mom had called him and explained everything, but it was very different seeing his brother standing in front of him, whole and well and looking much better than he had months ago when he’d been going through physical therapy.

But the emotion that won out in the end was grief of all things. Delayed grief from when he had originally learned Colt was ‘dead.’ The grief that he’d stamped down inside until all he’d felt was that terrible numbness.

Ryland’s knees sparked with sharp pain as he collapsed to the ground, his coffee mug shattering as it too fell, and a loud sob ripped from his chest.

“Ry!” Colt shouted, and he was at Ryland’s side in an instance, fully mobile once more. He really must have kept going to his physical therapy after he’d left.

“You’re alive,” Ryland sobbed, pressing his face into his hands. He felt Colt’s arms wrap around him and hold him close. Ryland clung to his brother and shoved his face into his neck, snot and tears getting all over his skin, but Colt didn't seem to mind.

Ryland shook with the force of his cries, and he realized after a moment that his hair was getting wet with Colt’s tears.

Jody had walked off down the hall, giving them privacy. Ryland was going to have to get the full story from her later.

Shouting and anger would come later, too. Ryland had a lot of things he wanted to say to Colt. But for now, he was just happy his little brother was alive and with him once more.

31 years old

Ryland’s life, within the span of a week, had changed completely, and he didn’t know quite what to think about it.

First off, he was the first person on Earth to make contact with an alien lifeform, which was the coolest thing that had ever happened to him. Because even though this astrophage was causing a problem with their sun, it was the first instance of life found outside of Earth and it was so exciting!

Then, in addition to making first contact with alien life, Ryland also became the first person to kill said alien, after he punctured the cell with a nanoneedle. Hey, it allowed him to figure out what astrophage was made out of, which was an important thing to do.

And then he had figured out how to breed astrophage, been subsequently shoved into a military fighter jet, and flown to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific. There he had learned about Project Hail Mary, humanity’s only hope of finding a way to survive their sun dying, and now he was a part of said project.

Just what even had his life turned into?

Ryland sighed heavily and rubbed at his eyes. He was exhausted and he really needed to sleep. Stratt had already assigned him a room on board, and as tempting as it was to go lay down and crash for a bit, there was something he needed to do first.

It wasn’t hard to track down Stratt. The entire ship seemed to revolve around her. She was the beating heart and the calculating mind of Project Hail Mary. She knew every aspect about the project and made every decision regarding its moving parts. So Ryland just followed the commotion on board until he found Stratt.

“Dr. Grace, what can I do for you?” Stratt wondered as Ryland walked up to her. She had another big coffee in her hands, and it was not either of the two she had been drinking earlier.

“I know you’re busy, I just have a really quick favor to ask,” Ryland said.

“Go ahead.”

“Is there a way to make a phone call?”

“I have already arranged everything with your school. They have been notified of your extended absence for the time being,” Stratt stated simply.

“I figured. It’s my brother, though. I need to let him know not to go looking for me.”

Stratt actually seemed surprised by this. “You have a brother?”

“Sure do! He goes by a different last name now, so it’s not obvious we’re brothers. Unless you see us side-by-side, haha.”

“I have a satellite phone you can use,” Stratt huffed after a moment. “I will make sure to get you one as well. But this project is classified for the time being, so you cannot tell him anything.”

“I won’t, I promise. I just want to tell him I’m not home and not to worry about me,” Ryland said quickly. Stratt nodded, then shoved her phone into his chest before rushing off with her papers again. Ryland clutched the phone to his chest and made his way outside. He got turned around twice and had to get directions from one of the sailors before making it up to the deck, but he did eventually get outside. And then he called Colt’s number.

“Hey, it’s Colt Seavers. I’m either on fire or falling out of a window. You know what to do. ~Beep.” Straight to voicemail. Made sense. Ryland honestly had no idea where Colt was right now, or if it was even day time where he was. He didn’t even know what time it was on the ship here.

“Hey, Colt, it’s Ryland,” Ryland began his message. “So, uh, I’m okay, first of all. But I’m not home. And I won’t be home for some time, I think. You know how they sent a probe up and collected the dots that were dimming the sun and all that? Yeah, well, I got to see them. Study them, really. I actually figured out what they were, which is pretty cool. They’re alive and— Wait, I’m not supposed to talk about all that yet. Well, anyway, they need my help with figuring out what to do about it all.

“So… yeah. I’m not home. You have a spare key if you need it. I’ll, uh… I’ll let you know more once I can. Don’t try calling this number back. I think I’m getting my own phone soon. Hope you’re doing okay and that you haven’t blown up. Talk to you soon. Uh… hopefully.”

Ryland ended his message and took a deep breath. It was time to get some sleep so he could get to work.

He had a world to save.

20 years old

Ryland was on the verge of a panic attack. It was so loud and sweaty and crowded and he wanted to leave right now. Well, more like he wanted to leave ten minutes ago.

But more than that, he didn’t want Colt to make fun of him for bailing, so he had found a corner to sit in to nurse the beer he’d gotten. He still felt self conscious drinking in big groups like this, especially since he was still under the legal drinking age. He felt more comfortable sharing a beer with his mom or grandpas. But Colt really liked coming to these college parties, and Ryland wanted just a chance to be as cool as his little brother, and so he allowed himself to be dragged out to these things. Even though he didn’t really like them.

Ryland sighed and took another sip of his beer. It tasted like how piss smelled. Delightful. He looked out over the crowded room, easily picking out Colt.

Colt was on the lap of his current boyfriend, and the two of them were making out heavily as the music pulsed around them. Ryland couldn’t help but smile a little. Sure, he was a little jealous over how easily Colt could fall in love and show his affection, but mostly he was just happy to see that Colt was happy.

Ryland was so focused on watching his brother and his brother’s boyfriend making out that he didn’t notice the girl sliding up next to him. He jumped when he noticed her beside him, completely missing what she was saying to him.

“Wh-Whoa, sorry. What was that?” Ryland squeaked. “It’s really loud in here.”

“I said, you’re Ryland, right? You’re Colt’s brother,” the girl said. Ryland winced.

“Um, yup. That’s me. Colt’s brother.”

“You look so much like him,” the girl giggled.

“I’ve never heard that before,” Ryland huffed, taking another sip of beer. Like, come on. They were identical twins. Of course they looked like each other.

“Do you want to go somewhere quieter?” the girl wondered. The music swelled around them, and Ryland did want to get out of there actually.

“Sure, yeah, that would be pretty great.”

Ryland felt his skin crawl as the girl grabbed hold of him, but she did drag him off to a quieter part of the frat house they were in. He immediately felt himself relax as the music faded.

“This is much better,” he said, placing his beer on a dresser. They were in someone’s bedroom, it appeared.

“I agree,” the girl said, pressing herself up against Ryland. He could feel her breasts against his chest, and his throat tightened.

“Um… What are you doing?” he gasped, trying to back away.

“Hey, it’s okay. Let’s have some fun, yeah?” the girl said. Her hands grabbed onto him again, moving lower and lower. Ryland felt his heart drop a little.

“I-I’ve never— I don’t really— I’m not sure I feel comfortable doing this,” Ryland said. He backed up until his knees hit the edge of the bed, and he fell back against the covers.

“Have you ever had sex before?” the girl asked, batting her eyes at him. Ryland swallowed and shook his head, and she grinned at him. “I’ll make it good, okay?”

Ryland felt frozen. Colt was the one who did stuff like this. He was the one who invited people over for company, who dated both girls and boys, who liked kissing and all that… intimate stuff. Ryland wasn’t interested in all that. He preferred his books and his studies.

But… He was turning twenty-one soon and he’d never had a girlfriend or tried having sex. Maybe… Maybe he should? Maybe it would help him fit in more…

“Go slower? I don’t… I haven’t done this before, so I’m a little nervous,” Ryland said as the girl climbed on top of him and bore down on him.

“Yeah, you’re not hard at all,” she huffed, her hands groping down where Ryland didn’t really want her to be.

“S-Sorry,” he gasped. His face felt so hot.

“I have something that might help,” she said, getting off of him and grabbing her purse. She pulled something out and held it out. “Here, take this,” Then she was pressing something into Ryland’s hand. It was a pill.

“What is this?” he asked, barely able to hear himself over the buzzing that had started filling his ears.

“Just something to help you relax so we can continue with our fun,” she whispered into his ear, sultry and sensual. Ryland still didn’t feel any spark, but he was almost twenty-one and he had never done anything and he had to start somewhere, didn’t he?

So Ryland popped the pill into his mouth and washed it down with the beer that she handed him next.

Then her lips were on his. She sat on him as they began to make out. Her hands were all over, and her lips were wet, and Ryland didn’t really like the way it felt.

But then the room started to drift. Everything around him got heavy and his eyes sagged a little. The girl pressed her tongue into his mouth. Gross.

Her hands were all over him, pulling at his shirt and reaching into his pants. Ryland groaned as his stomach flipped, a heavy feeling of nausea falling over him.

He didn’t want this.

“Please, stop,” Ryland said, pushing against the girl on top of him.

“Shh, just lay back. I’ll take care of you,” she said firmly, continuing to touch him down there. Ryland pushed against her again, but his arms felt weak.

“Stop,” he begged. “Please.”

But she didn’t. Ryland felt tears gather in his eyes. His head pounded. His vision blurred. Hands were touching him and they burned and he was just sitting there and letting it happen.

“Please, don’t,” he begged.

And then the hands were ripped away from him.

Ryland could hear someone shouting, but the whole room was spinning now. His vision blurred, and his stomach ached, and he doubted he could even sit up if he could find the strength to move.

But the hands were gone, and that was the important thing. Ryland didn’t want to be touched like that ever again. He curled into himself, his chest burning painfully, and he began to sob.

“Ry! Ry, I’m here!” Hands returned, and Ryland flinched away from them with a sharp cry.

“Please! No!” he sobbed.

“Ry! It’s Colt!”

Ryland gasped and tried to make his eyes focus. It was hard, but he was able to make out the face of his twin hovering over him.

“Colt… help…” he groaned.

“I’m here, Ry. Can I touch you?” Colt asked, a frantic tone in his voice.

“Please,” Ryland whined and nodded. The hands returned, but this time they felt safe. They were Colt’s after all.

“I’m going to get you out of here,” Colt promised as he helped Ryland stand. Ryland heaved another sob and nodded again.

He didn’t remember much of the journey back to their dorm room. Colt was plastered to his side the entire time, and there was some more shouting or talking or something, but he truly couldn’t comprehend any of what was happening.

The next clear thing Ryland remembered was leaning over the toilet back in his and Colt’s dorm, expelling everything that was in his stomach as his brother knelt by his side.

“That’s it. Get it all out,” Colt murmured as he stroked Ryland’s back. Ryland wailed as he threw up, his stomach in so much pain he felt like he was going to pass out.

“I’m sorry,” Ryland cried once he had caught his breath for a moment, his throat burning with acid.

“Hey, no. What the hell are you sorry for?” Colt exclaimed.

“You had to leave the party early…”

“Ry, no, you don’t get to be sorry for that. Hey, look at me,” Colt said, placing his hands on Ryland’s face and forcing him to look up. “Ry, what happened was not. Your. Fault. I’m sorry for dragging you to that party. You should have never been in that position.”

“I don’t remember… What happened? It’s all blurry,” Ryland croaked, accepting the glass of water pressed into his hands.

“She fucking drugged you, Ry! I swear, I’m going to kill her the next time I see her,” Colt hissed. Ryland winced and chugged the glass of water. It tasted amazing after throwing up everything in his stomach.

As he and Colt sat on their bathroom floor together, the pieces of the night stitched themselves back together in Ryland’s mind, and he felt his cheeks begin to burn once more with shame.

He’d been given a drug and he still hadn’t been able to have sex. He was probably the only one in their year in college who hadn’t had sex so far. All he wanted was to be more normal like Colt was, like their friends were, and he’d failed at that tonight. Ryland choked on another sob and buried his face into one of his hands.

“Ry? Hey hey hey, what’s going on?” Colt exclaimed, taking the empty glass from Ryland.

“Colt… I think I’m broken,” Ryland whispered.

“What? Why would you say that? Ry?” Colt exclaimed, grabbing a wet rag and rubbing it gently over Ryland’s face, clearing away snot and vomit.

“I didn’t want it,” Ryland cried.

“Of course not! She fucking roofied you! She was trying to rape— God, Ryland. That’s not how it’s supposed to go at all!”

“But… I’ve never wanted it. Ever.” Ryland took a shuddering breath. “You lost your virginity when we were in high school. Everyone around us here… all our friends… they hook up every weekend. I don’t… I don’t understand… I have to be broken because I’m the only one who doesn’t seem to want to have sex at all!”

“Ry, it’s okay—”

“No! Don’t you understand? I was just trying to be normal! Like you!” Ryland curled into himself, his chest aching. “I took the drug from her willingly. I was just trying… I just wanted to be normal…”

The bathroom went quiet. Ryland squeezed his eyes shut as he listened to his own frantic breathing, and the slower, more steady breaths of his brother.

After a painfully long silence, Colt finally was the one to break it.

“Ry, I still don’t think you’re broken.”

“How can I not be, Colt?”

“Just because you don’t like sex?” Colt huffed. “Honestly, Ry, you’re not missing out on much. It feels good, sure, but sometimes it’s really disappointing. And yeah, I happen to like it a lot, but you don’t have to. And if you force yourself to… Well, I just don’t think you should be doing that. You should only have sex if you really want to have it.”

“I just want to be normal, Colt,” Ryland whispered.

“You are normal, Ry,” Colt said firmly. “You don’t like sex, so what? I do. I do terrible with tests, but you do great. You get motion sick, I don’t. You can do math in your head, I can’t. We balance each other out. We always have. Isn’t that our normal?”

Ryland let out a deep breath and felt himself relax all at once.

Colt was right. Why was he comparing himself to everyone else? He and Colt had always had their own normal as twins. Maybe he didn’t have to like sex after all, and that would be okay.

“I’m tired, Colt,” Ryland murmured as he leaned back against his brother.

“You can sleep, Ry,” Colt said. “I’ve got you, I promise. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

Ryland nodded and turned his head into his brother’s neck. Colt had him. He was safe. His brother would always keep him safe.

33 years old

“Hi! You’ve reached the voicemail box of Dr. Ryland Grace. I’m unavailable at the moment, but if you leave me a message I might reach back out if I know you! ~Beep!”

Colt cursed as he reached his brother’s voicemail for what felt like the hundredth time. He’d tried both of his numbers, his regular number, and his new number for his stupid satellite phone. Neither had been able to connect.

“Hey, it’s Colt. Again,” Colt hissed into his phone. “I need you to fucking call me back. The wedding is in three days. You missed my bachelor party, which I can forgive since you’re off saving the world or whatever, but I swear to God if you miss my wedding…” Colt took a deep breath. “Just, make sure you show up, yeah? And call me back!”

He only barely resisted throwing his phone once he was done with his message. He sat down on his bed and put his head into his hands.

Life had been going so well for him, despite everything that was happening. Sure, astrophage had infected their sun and was slowly killing it, but nothing bad was happening yet. He and Jody had reconnected after his accident. He’d let her see all his vulnerable parts, and she had stayed, and it was good.

He had proposed to her on a beach in Costa Rica, with a beautiful pearl ring because she didn’t want a diamond. They had planned a beautiful wedding at a Californian vineyard. Everything was ready.

Colt was ready to tie himself to Jody for the rest of his life, to devote himself to her and their future family.

He wanted Ryland to be there as his best man, but his brother had become unreachable in the past week.

Colt really wished he could know more about the project Ryland had gotten himself involved in. Ryland had only been allowed to tell Colt certain things about what he was doing. Colt knew it involved astrophage, which made sense because his brother had been the one to first observe it and figure out what it was.

But now, Ryland was involved in a project that he said was going to save the sun. Beyond that, he couldn’t share what he was working on, only that it was important. Of course, Colt had heard rumors that all the governments of the world were working together on something big to save them all. People had been tracking multiple launches to the ISS from both Cape Canaveral and Baikonur. Something big was happening, and Ryland was involved, and Colt really wished he knew more.

Colt continued to call Ryland, but it was no use.

Three days later, on the morning of the wedding, Ryland was nowhere to be seen.

Colt was dressed in his suit, his hair done up by one of the makeup artists he was friends with. He was ready to walk down the aisle and marry the woman he loved. Except he couldn’t stop crying.

Ryland’s suit still hung in the closet, pressed and ironed and ready to stay hanging up all day because Ryland. Wasn’t. There.

A knock sounded at the door, and a moment later it was opening.

“Colton, baby?” his mom called, and Colt gasped on another sob.

“Mom.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” mom whispered, walking over and sitting down next to him.

“You look beautiful,” Colt said as he leaned against his mom. She was in a beautiful burgundy dress that fit the scenery of the vineyard perfectly. Colt was so lucky to have such a beautiful and kind mom.

“You have good taste,” mom said softly.

“Jody helped me pick it out.”

“She’s an amazing partner to have.”

“Mom,” Colt cried, his chest and back aching as he hunched over himself, “he’s not here. He was supposed to be my best man and he’s not here!”

“I know,” mom said softly. “I’m sorry he’s not. I won’t try to excuse his absence, but I also want you to remember… He’s trying to save our world right now. Our sun is dying, and if you and Jody decide to have children, your children will be the ones inheriting a cold, wasteland of a world. Ryland is trying to fix that for us, so while he isn’t here and that sucks, it’s not for a bad reason that he’s not here.”

“He won’t even answer his phone, though!” Colt hissed, wiping away his tears. “I haven’t heard from him for days! And it’s my wedding today!”

“I know. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

Colt squeezed his eyes shut and tried to control his breathing. His mom graciously didn’t point out that he hadn’t contacted Ryland for weeks after he’d broken his back. A few days without hearing from his brother… Well, Ryland had every right to give him the same treatment. Except, Ryland had never acted like this before and it was worrying.

Colt stopped his crying and his mom helped him freshen up.

He walked down the aisle and Dan stepped up as his best man. Jody looked absolutely radiant in her lace wedding down and veil. Colt dedicated himself to her, and she to him, and they were married on a radiant summer afternoon.

A day later, Colt watched his phone screen light up, Ryland’s smiling face beaming up at him as it did. Colt watched it ring on silent before it went to his voicemail box. A moment later, the screen lit up again as Ryland tried calling once more.

Colt sighed and walked away from his phone. If he answered now, he’d only end up fighting with Ryland.

He hated fighting with Ryland.

4 years old

Ryland and Colton stared at each other, their eyes blazing with anger. Chubby cheeks were flared red with rage and tiny fists were clenched.

Ryland was the one who stepped up first to speak, staring right at his brother as he did so. “You’re adopted.”

“No!” Colton screeched, lunging at his brother.

“Yes! You are! I know it! You’re adopted!” Ryland shouted as he and Colton began to wrestle on the floor.

“I’m not adopted! You’re the adopted one!” Colton exclaimed, tugging on his brother’s hair.

Holly sighed as she watched her boys, and then poured herself another drink.

22 years old

Ryland was livid. He’d never been angry like this before.

“How could you do this, Colt?” he demanded.

“Why can’t you just be happy for me, man?” Colt huffed, throwing his arms out.

“You’ve taken a job courting death, and I’m supposed to be happy for you?” Ryland squawked.

“I love what I do!” Colt exclaimed. “I love doing flips and jumping off shit! You know this about me! And now I’m being trained to do all sorts of other cool shit!”

“Like crashing cars and setting yourself on fire?” scoffed Ryland. “That’s not cool, Colton. It’s fucking idiotic.”

“Oh, you think you’re so much better than me? You think you know better now that you’re writing that dissertation of yours?” Colt hissed.

“At least I’ve got a respectable job!” Ryland said sharply.

“You spend all day in a lab with no windows! I get to go to fucking Italy next month to film stunts as my job! And I love what I do! Can’t you just be happy for me for once? We’re brothers!”

“Oh are we?” Ryland snapped. “I didn’t know, now that you’ve got that new stage name of yours. Just what the hell is that, anyways?”

“It’s a tribute to dad!” Colt shouted.

“He wouldn’t approve of what you’re doing!”

“He tested jets for the navy as his job! He’d love what I do!”

“You’re going to get yourself killed!” Ryland nearly screeched, the fear of it seizing in his chest and making it hurt.

“It’s just stunts, man! I love doing them!” Colt shouted. “Besides, we make sure the stunts are safe! I’m always strapped in and I have a team supporting me! I’ll always be okay!”

“I still don’t like it! You’re being a fucking idiot!” Ryland hissed, turning and storming away. He needed space before he started throwing things at his brother.

Just who the hell signed up to jump out of planes and crash cars as a living? Colt could be such an idiot sometimes!

27 years old

“Ryland Grace, give me that bottle right now.”

“You’re not my mom.”

“No, I’m worse. I’m your twin brother. Give me that.”

“No!”

Colt sighed heavily as he stared down at his older brother. His drunk old brother who was spiraling after breaking up with the only girlfriend he’d ever had in his life thus far.

“Ry, this isn’t going to help you,” Colt said firmly.

“It won’t do me bad either,” Ryland argued, looking miserable.

“Um, yes it will.”

“Not anymore than I’m already —hic!— bad!”

“Ry, what are you talking about?” Colt asked, swiping for the bottle of tequila that Ryland was holding and this time successfully wrestling it away from his brother.

“Colt, I’m so broken,” Ryland sobbed, groping after the bottle but missing completely and falling over. “I’m so broken!”

“You’re not broken,” Colt hissed, white hot anger and sharp panic flashing through him. “Did Linda tell you that you were? Because I’m not above hitting a girl if she said that to you.”

“N-No, but I have to be, don’t I?” Ryland sniffled. “She was my girlfriend, and I couldn’t even have sex with her.”

“Ry,” Colt nearly gasped, “she didn’t force you to do anything, did she? I swear, I will—”

“No no no, she didn’t force me, but maybe that’s the problem!” Ryland cried. “I thought I did everything right! We were friends first, and I really really like her, and sometimes I’d feel sexual attraction, but it wasn’t as often as she wanted, and she wanted more and I didn't want it and I couldn’t give it to her, and she said she thought I’d be different and that it wasn’t going to work and I just feel. So. Broken!”

“Ry, you not wanting sex does not make you broken. There’s a word for that now, you know? Asexuality?” Colt huffed. “You know what, I’ll just text you the Wikipedia on it. Can’t believe you don’t know about it, being all science-y and stuff.”

“Don’t say and stuff. Just say—”

“Now you sound like mom.”

“I’m never gonna have a partner, am I,” Ryland said miserably, his words slurring slightly.

“Do you even want one, Ry?” Colt wondered.

“It’d be nice to live with a best friend, I think. Without any of the gross kissing and sex stuff.”

“Then you’ll find someone who can be that for you. Don’t settle for someone like Linda.”

“You’re just as bad as me, though,” Ryland muttered.

“Oh?” Colt huffed.

“Yeah. You can’t even tell Jody how much you like her. You’re, like, scared of commitment, or whatever.”

“I am not. And I don’t want to get in an argument over Jody right now, okay? What we have going on works for us.”

“Well I think you’re being dumb, Colt.”

“Why are you trying to pick a fight, Ry?”

“Fighting with you feels better than being sad about Linda.”

“You need to fucking sleep, Ry. Come on.”

28 years old

Ring! Ring! Ring! Ri—

“Hello, this is Colt.”

“So he answers his phone finally.”

“… Ry…”

“What, didn’t expect me to get ahold of your new number? Why’d you change it, you asshole?”

“I didn’t… Ry, now’s not a good time. Can we not…?”

“You fucking left! You left, Colt, and you didn’t even say ‘goodbye!’ After everything I did for you!”

“That’s why I had to leave!”

“I was happy helping you! I wanted to help you! Why didn’t you stay?”

“Because I was fucking humiliated, Ry! Do you know how humiliating it is to be a grown man and have your own brother have to wipe your ass? To not be able to take care of basic functions by yourself? All because I broke my back in an accident? It was killing me, Ry! I needed… I had to… I just wanted space…”

“Why can’t you just accept help, huh? All I wanted to do was help you, Colt! It was just me! I’m your older brother! Why won’t you let me help you?”

“I don’t need help. I’m perfectly fine taking care of myself.”

“Then why won’t you talk to me? At least give me updates on how you’re doing? Why do I have to be the one to call you? Mom’s worried! Jody’s worried! I’ve been the only one texting her because apparently you won’t reach out to her! She’s half convinced you never cared about her!”

“Of course I care—”

“Then let her help you! She wants to!”

“I don’t want her to see me like this!”

“Colt! It’s okay to be vulnerable in front of the people who care about you! You don’t always have to be the strong one! Let us care for you for a change!”

“I’m hanging up.”

“Don’t you fucking da—”

33 years old

Ryland almost threw up again as he stared at his phone. He was dialing his brother again, and he hoped Colt would actually pick up this time instead of letting it go to voicemail. He’d already left him so many voicemails.

Just as Ryland was about to give up after the phone just rang and rang and rang, it finally connected.

“Colt?” Ryland exclaimed, quickly picking up his phone and swallowing down his nausea.

“Where were you?”

Ryland breathed in sharply. His brother did not sound happy over the phone.

“Colt, I am so so sorry. I don’t know how I’m going to make it up to you, but I prom—”

“My wedding, Ry. You missed my fucking wedding. I wanted you to be my best man, and you weren’t. Fucking. There.”

“I am so sorry, Colt. I promise I didn’t mean to miss your wedding. I wanted to be there so bad,” Ryland said, his voice wavering as the tears in his eyes threatened to spill over.

“Oh yeah? Coulda fooled me,” Colt hissed.

“Stratt wouldn’t let me leave! Something came up and—” Ryland’s voice cracked a little. “I was in Antarctica. I had no way to get back to California.”

“Why the hell were you in Antarctica?”

“We… We nuked it…”

There was a long pause before Colt spoke again. “You nuked Antarctica?”

“We had to. It buys Earth just a little more time,” Ryland whispered.

“Ry… Just what the hell is this project you’re working on?”

“I can’t tell you, as much as I want to. But… But I think you’ll get to know soon. Stratt said the world’s leaders are working on a joint statement to announce what we are doing. We have a plan to save our sun, but… it will take time to complete, and so to buy Earth more time we… We nuked Antarctica.”

“This doesn’t make me feel any better. You missed my wedding because you were, what, bombing a continent? Great, I’ll be sure to tell your future nieces or nephews that.”

“Colt—”

“I gave you so much notice for this wedding. You had so much time to plan around it so you could be here for me! I don’t understand, just what is more important than being at your own brother’s wedding, huh? I needed you there, Ry!”

Ryland squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. Screw it. The world was going to find out soon enough, and this was Colt. Ryland didn’t care anymore.

“We’re sending a spaceship to Tau Ceti to save our sun,” Ryland blurted out.

It was quiet for a long moment.

“What?” Colt finally whispered, his voice barely audible over the phone.

“We’ve been observing all the stars closest to us,” Ryland began to explain. “They’re all infected with astrophage and dimming. All except for one: Tau Ceti. The project I’m working on… I’ve helped design and build a spaceship that will travel all the way to Tau Ceti to figure out why it isn’t dimming, so that we can save our sun.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Ry.”

“And I’ve been in charge of literally all the scientific aspects of this mission, Colt, which is why I haven’t been able to leave. I’m training the astronauts going on this mission, making sure they have all the tools they’ll need. I test all the equipment going on this ship. I am working so hard to make sure this mission works, so that our sun has a chance to come back.

“And I’ve been working so hard on this that I honestly can never keep track of what month it is, and I live on an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific, and I haven’t seen land for so long and I’m terrified that even after all the work we’ve put into this it will still fail and our sun will die, and none of this is an excuse for me missing your wedding, and it kills me that it happened and—”

“Ry, breathe.”

Ryland sobbed as he tried to catch his breath.

“Colt, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I talked with Stratt, and she said she can get a jet to take me back to the States next week. Can I meet with you and Jody then? Tell you more in person? Make this up to you?” Ryland held his breath as he waited for a response. It was silent over the phone for a long, painful moment.

Then Colt sighed heavily. “We’ll be here. We’ll talk to you next week.”

34 years old

“Dr. Grace, we are nearly a month away from launching,” Stratt said firmly, the bags under her eyes darker than ever. “I can’t have you leave right now.”

“I know, I know, but this is important,” Ryland nearly pleaded. “I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t.”

“You want me to fly you from Baikonur all the way to Los Angeles. That is not a short trip and I need you here in six days to run those tests with Dr. DuBois,” Stratt huffed.

“And I’ll be there for that. Just… Just let me fly out for a day then fly me back,” Ryland said, tears prickling in his eyes. “I just… My sister-in-law just went into labor, and I really want to meet my niece or nephew. Please.”

Stratt looked at him then, her eyes softening. Ryland wiped his hand across his face, hoping she hadn’t seen his tears yet.

“Please,” he whispered again. “I missed his wedding because of the project. Let me… Let me go meet my new niece or nephew, please. I won’t ask for anything else until after the launch.”

Stratt sighed heavily. “I’ll give you two days there. Then I need you back.”

“Thank you,” Ryland gasped, his relief so strong it made him feel nauseated.

It was a rough flight all the way back to the United States. Ryland was shoved into several fighter jets and helicopters again, and he happily took the drugs given to him so he could sleep through most of the terrible g-forces.

But he was able to make it to California just a day after his niece or nephew had been born. (Both Colt and Jody had decided to keep the gender a secret.)

Ryland chugged a coffee as a nurse led him through the hospital to the Grace-Moreno room. She knocked on the door and announced a visitor.

Colt’s entire face lit up as soon as Ryland walked into the door.

“You came!” he exclaimed. He looked tired and haggard, but there was a brightness to him that Ryland had never seen before.

“Of course I did,” Ryland said. “I made it clear I wouldn’t miss any other important family events.”

“God, it’s good to see you, Ry,” Colt said, stepping up and sweeping Ryland into a rib-crushing hug.

“It’s really good to see you, too,” Ryland said as he hugged Colt back just as fiercely. “The Hail Mary launches next month though, and I’ll be free finally. Once I’m back for good, I’m never leaving you again.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Colt said, pulling away from Ryland. He beamed then and gestured towards the rest of the room. “You ready?”

“Christmas cookies, I am so ready for this,” Ryland exclaimed.

“This way.” Colt stepped behind the curtain that blocked off the rest of the room, and Ryland followed after him. He spotted Jody first, sitting up in the bed she was on and looking absolutely radiant.

“Hey, it’s good to see you! How are you feeling, Jody?” Ryland asked as he was led further into the room.

“Oh, fantastic, actually. Exhausted, but elated,” Jody said with a soft smile. “It’s really good to see you, too, Ryland.”

“Here, sit down,” Colt directed, pushing Ryland down into a chair. Then he walked over to the small rolling crib that was next to Jody. Ryland’s eyes filled with tears at once.

“Oh, is that her? Or him? I still stand by my claim that you are a girl dad, Colt. So was I right?” he babbled as his emotions welled up.

“You were right,” Colt said with a wide smile, lifting a small, pink bundle from the crib.

“Oh my goodness,” Ryland sobbed. “She’s so small!”

“Wait ‘til you hold her,” Colt cooed, walking over and holding out his daughter. Ryland received her gently, and the tears spilled over.

“Look at her,” he gasped. “She’s beautiful.”

“Isn’t she?” Jody said proudly.

The little girl in Ryland’s arms made a little noise in her sleep, her little button lips pursing perfectly.

“You’re so tiny,” Ryland cried, lifting his free hand to run his finger along her cheek. “Ooooh, peachy baby skin!”

“I can’t stop touching both of them, either,” Jody chirped. Ryland blinked.

“‘Both of them?’” he repeated. Colt beamed, and then lifted a second pink bundle from the crib. Ryland’s mouth fell open.

“Twins?” he gasped.

“Twins,” Colt said proudly. Ryland stared at the bundle in Colt’s arms, and then the bundle in his own, then over to Jody, then finally back to Colt.

“Did you know it was twins the entire time?” he exclaimed.

“We did,” Colt admitted with a shrug as he walked over with the second baby girl.

“It was my idea to keep it a secret from you,” Jody said. “I thought it would be fun to surprise you.”

“Well, I am definitely surprised! Oh fudge, are they identical? Colt, are they like us?”

“They are,” Colt murmured, sitting down next to Ryland so he could gaze at both the girls. “This one here is Daffodil. The one you’re holding is Iris. She’s the older twin.”

“Iris and Daffodil,” Ryland whispered. “They’re both perfect.”

“Want to hold both of them?” Colt asked.

“Can I?”

Colt helped Ryland settle into the chair and shift his hold on Iris so that Daffodil could be placed there as well. Ryland looked down at his nieces and cried. He didn’t even care that both Colt and Jody were snapping pictures of him and the girls together.

He was an uncle. These girls were absolutely darling. This was the best day of Ryland’s life.

And he was going to make sure that Project Hail Mary was perfect going forward in the next month, so that these girls would have a future to look forward to. He’d help them launch the mission, and then he was coming home to his brother and his sister-in-law and his nieces, and he was never going to leave them again.

24 years old

Ryland loved going to the beach. Growing up between Los Angeles and San Diego meant that he and Colt had gone often.

But Ryland especially loved the beaches up north near San Francisco. He loved the fog and the cooler temperatures. He loved the grainier sand and more rugged coastline. It was a peaceful place to come and think.

Ryland looked out across the waves, listening to them crash against the sand. It was tranquil and beautiful, especially with the fog rolling in against the horizon. God, he loved watching the fog.

He already felt all of his anxieties and worries fading away for a moment as he sat in the damp sand. Here on the beach, he didn’t have to think about his research, or his dissertation, or the loads of work at the lab he had to complete. The beach was a respite from it all.

Ryland looked up when his ears picked up the crunch of footsteps on the sand. He looked out over the beach to see his brother walking up to him, his hands in the pockets of a cardigan he’d stolen from Ryland. Colt was wearing his glasses, which meant his migraine must be back. His contact lenses always made his migraines worse.

“You know the beaches down south are much warmer,” Colt huffed as he walked closer to Ryland.

“That’s why I like this one better,” Ryland retorted.

“You and I are very different with our beach preferences. Hot, sandy beaches with spicy margaritas are the way to go.” But Colt still took a seat next to Ryland in the cooler sand.

“When you’re hot and sweaty, the sand sticks to you more. I hate that,” Ryland huffed. Colt chuckled and nodded.

They sat in silence for a moment, both looking out into the waves. Ryland dug his hands into the coarse sand, the feeling of it grounding to him.

“You know, Ry,” Colt said quietly, “I miss living with you sometimes. I love my job, and being in Los Angeles is great, but I really miss you.”

“I miss you, too, Colt,” Ryland whispered. “I suck at taking care of myself. I’ve been trying to stick to the sleep schedule you gave me, and eat meals with enough protein like you told me, but it’s harder without you there.”

“You’re eating carbs, too, right? That brain of yours needs lots of glucose with all that PhD shit you’re doing right now,” Colt said teasingly.

“Yes yes, lots of baked potatoes for me,” Ryland said, rolling his eyes.

Silence fell over them again. Ryland moved first after another few minutes, shifting closer to his brother so he could lean against him. Colt was sturdy as he did so. He’d gotten strong doing all his stunt work. Colt grabbed Ryland’s hand and squeezed it, his hands far more rough and calloused than Ryland’s were now.

“Think you’d ever move back to Los Angeles with the rest of us?” Colt asked softly.

“Maybe one day. I like it up here right now, even if I miss you and mom,” Ryland replied.

“Maybe I’ll move up here in a decade or so, after my body can’t do stunts anymore.”

“Don’t even joke about that, Colt. I’m already worried about you losing an arm or leg doing your crazy car rolls.”

“Hey, I've only broken my arm, like, five times, and my leg only twice.”

“You’re an idiot, Colt.”

“But you love me, Ry.”

Ryland laughed and knocked his head against his brothers. “I do. So don’t you ever go far from me.”

Colt smiled at his brother. “Same goes for you, you nerd.”

34 years, 362 days old

“Hey, it’s Colt Seavers. I’m either on fire or falling out of a window. You know what to do. ~Beep.”

“Colt? It’s Ry. I-I-I need help. Something’s happened on the project, you’ll probably see it in the news soon. They want me to make a pretty b-big decision. I-I have three hours to decide. I really need to talk to you. Call me back?”

…

…

…

“Hey, it’s Colt Seavers. I’m either on fire or falling out of a window. You know what to do. ~Beep.”

“Hi, it’s me again. If you were the only person who could save the world but you would die doing it, would you still be able to do it? Even knowing what you’d leave behind? You’ve always been the braver twin. I-I could use some of that right now. Or at least, I could use your advice, because I-I-I don’t know if I— Can you call me back? I really need you, Colt.”

…

…

…

“Hey, it’s Colt Seavers. I’m either on fire or falling out of a window. You know what to do. ~Beep.”

“I don’t care if this is breaking protocol or classified information rules or whatever. Colt, both the primary and secondary science specialists are dead. They blew up. They’re gone. And they want to send me on the Hail Mary instead. They want me to go to Tau Ceti and die. I only have about an hour left before I have to give them my decision.

“They say I’m the o-only one available. No one else has been trained, and we have to launch in three days, and they can’t get anyone else here so they want to send me on the spaceship and I’ll launch and go off and die—”

A choked off sob.

“… Colt, please call me back. I-I-I don’t know what to do.”

…

…

…

“Hey, it’s Colt Seavers. I’m either on fire or falling out of a window. You know what to do. ~Beep.”

“Colt… I don’t think I can go. Maybe it’s really selfish of me, but I can’t… I want… Dammit, I want to stay here! I’ve dedicatd the last three years to this project, and I’ve missed out on so much and I just want to stay and teach and be there for you and Jody and Iris and Daffodil! I can’t go! I don’t want to die alone in space!

“I… I-I’m going to tell them I can’t do it. There has to be another option, another person who can go. I’m not the person who can do this. I want to stay here with you. I want to be a good uncle to the twins.

“Y-Yeah, I’ll tell them that. I’ll tell them I have to be here for my family. They’ll understand…

“I hope you’ll understand, too. I’m sorry I can’t be brave.”

…

…

…

“Hey, it’s Colt Seavers. I’m either on fire or falling out of a window. You know what to do. ~Beep.”

“C-Colt! Help! I—”

Harsh breathing and the sound of running.

“Colt, they’re sending me to Tau Ceti! I told them I can’t go and they’re sending me anyway! I-I-I’m trying to run, but— frick!— They’re coming after me! Colt, I’m so scared! I don’t want to go! I don’t want to die in space! I want— oh fuck!”

Shouting in the background, and more harsh panting.

“Colt, I'm so sorry! I love you! I love you so so much and I’m so so sorry! Tell Iris and Daffodil that I’m sorry! Tell them I love them so much and I wish so badly I could be there for them and be a good uncle! I want to stay here on Earth with you and your family! Colt, I don’t want to go! I’m so so so sorry please you have to believe me— NO!”

The sound of the phone falling, then painful wheezing and crying. An unfamiliar voice orders, “Hold him down!”

“No! No no no! Carl, I can’t do it! No!”

More painful cries.

“Don’t do it! Don’t do it! Don’t do i—ah!” A broken off wheeze, painful and forced, like all the fight was crushed out of the sobbing man.

Another unfamiliar voice. “You know who you are. You’re gonna do great.”

Another heartwrenching cry. “Colt! Colt! Co—”

The message cuts off.

…

…

…

…

…

Please pick up, please pick up, please don’t let me be too late—

“Hi! You’ve reached the voicemail box of Dr. Ryland Grace. I’m unavailable at the moment, but if you leave me a message I might reach back out if I know you! ~Beep!”

“Ry, call me back right now. Please. Oh fuck, please call back. Your last message— Are you okay? I’ll kill them if they do anything to you, I swear! I’m so sorry, I was on set and we were out of cell range. Fuck, please tell me I’m not too late. Please, call me back. Please.”

35 years old

Colt is crying.

It’s his birthday and he’s crying.

Everybody in the entire world is watching the broadcast. Colt and Jody are no different. May 22, 2024, soon to be one of the most important days in all of history. It’s Colt’s and Ryland’s birthday, so it’s supposed to be a happy day.

But Colt is crying.

Everybody in the world is watching the countdown for the launch of the astronauts out of Baikonur. The entire world watches as the three saviors who will board the Hail Mary waiting for them up in orbit prepare to leave Earth forever. Their names will be remembered forever. They are the brave souls willing to fly off into space, traveling light years away from Earth, just for a chance to save their sun.

Commander Yáo Li-Jie.

Engineer Olesya Ilyukhina.

And Science Specialist Martin DuBois.

At least, that was who was supposed to be going. But DuBois was dead. Him and his backup, Dr. Annie Shapiro, were dead. Killed in an explosion just days before the launch from Baikonur. The news had shaken the Earth. Were they all doomed? Who was going to save their sun now? Was this insane and expensive mission all for nothing?

No. It was all going to be fine, said the leaders of Project Hail Mary. The head biologist and science specialist that had been training the astronauts had stepped up to take their place.

Dr. Ryland Grace was going to Tau Ceti to save them all.

But Colt knew this narrative was a lie. Ryland had not wanted to go. He had the voicemails on his phone that proved it.

His brother was being forced into space, and Colt was never going to see him again.

“Three… Two… One… And we have liftoff,” announces the voice over the television. “Godspeed to the brave astronauts aboard. Commander Yáo Li-Jie, Engineer Olesya Ilyukhina, and Dr. Ryland Grace, you carry all of humanity with you on this mission—”

Colt can’t hear the rest of the broadcast over the sound of his own wailing. He collapses to the ground, his entire body exploding with pain as his twin is ripped away from him forever. He sobs and screams, unable to keep his grief at bay.

Colt feels Jody wrap her arms around him.

Their twin girls, Iris and Daffodil, cry softly in the background.

But Colt can’t comfort them yet.

Ryland is being sent away from him, and it feels like his world is ending.

5 years old

Ryland was nervous. It was graduation day. He and Colton had finished kindergarten, and they got to walk across the stage and get a certificate. Colton was thrilled, but Ryland could only feel anxious.

“Everybody is going to be watching us,” Ryland hissed as they lined up, already wearing their robes and special hats.

“The other parents will only care about their kids. Just focus on mom and dad and our grandpas,” Colton huffed. Ryland took a deep breath. He could do that. He could focus on his family in the crowd.

“Remember,” their teacher reminded them as they got ready to begin, “wait until we call your name before walking up. We will hand you your certificate and you will get your picture taken, and then you will be given the microphone to tell your parents what you want to be when you grow up. Make sure you have your answers ready to go!”

“Yes, Ms. Thimble!” they all chanted together

“I don’t know what I want to be though!” Alex exclaimed quietly. “I can’t decide between being a knight or a ninja!”

“I’m going to be a cowgirl!” Izzy chirped.

“I’m going to be an oncli— ocno— on-co-lo-gist,” Gabrielle said proudly.

“What’s not even a real word,” Colton huffed.

“Is too! What do you even want to be when you grow up?” Gabrielle wondered.

“An astronaut! I’m going to fly into space one day!” Colton declared in all his five-year-old authority. “I’ll fly to the moon and look down at the entire Earth and see everything!”

“You can’t look ‘down’ at Earth,” Ryland huffed. “There is no up or down in space.”

“Whatever. You’ll come, too, won’t you Ry?”

“No way, Colt. You’re the crazy one. I’ll just do the math for you to go to space.”

“Deal!”

“What sort of job is that then?” Alex wondered.

“Um… I dunno.” Ryland started to panic more when he realized he didn’t know what to call what he wanted to be.

But he couldn’t ask his teacher, because she had already started calling names to walk up.

Colton got called up first out of the two of them. Even though Ryland was older, Colton’s name was first alphabetically, so he always got called first. Ryland watched his younger brother practically skip up onto the stage, grinning wide and showing all the missing gaps in his teeth. Ryland could hear their mom and dad and grandpas cheering as Colton got his certificate.

“And what do you want to be when you grow up, Colton?” their principal asked, handing the microphone to Colton.

“I want to be an astronaut!” Colton practically shouted into the microphone, and everybody cheered. He was ushered off the stage then to go sit with their parents, and then Ryland’s name was being called.

His hands began to sweat as he shuffled onto the stage, shyly taking his certificate from his teacher and holding it out for his photo.

Then the principal was kneeling next to him.

“And what about you, Ryland?” she asked. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“I… I, um…” Ryland stuttered. He didn’t know what it was called. He just wanted to do science and learn about aliens and space but not go to space like Colton, because space was scary and his brother was the one good enough to go there.

The parents in the audience started to laugh, and Ryland felt his cheeks burn.

“It’s okay, take your time,” the principal said kindly.

Ryland looked out into the crowd to find his brother, who beamed at him and gave him two thumbs up.

Ryland smiled at him and decided on his answer.

“I want to be brave like my brother when I grow up.”

35 and 36 years old

Colt stares at the candles in front of him, the flames mesmerizing to watch. It is his birthday again, and Jody and Dan have thrown together a small celebration. Mom is there, too. She’d moved into their spare bedroom, just to be close.

Colt’s daughters had just turned a year old. They’ve already gotten so big. Colt holds Iris in his lap, and she giggles as she stares at the candles on the cake as well.

Colt wishes he could share some of his daughter’s joy. But his birthday, once a day that was bound to be full of shared celebrations, now only holds memories of loss.

Colt swallows down a sob as his wife walks up to him, Daffodil in her arms. She shifts their daughter to one of her hips then reaches out with her free hand to caress Colt’s forehead.

“Happy birthday, my love,” Jody says softly as she kisses Colt’s forehead, tears sparkling in her eyes. Colt swallows thickly. She was hurting because he was. They were supposed to be celebrating, and Colt had been unable to stop crying all day.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” he whispers.

“It’s going to be okay, baby,” mom says as she also walks over to wrap her arms around Colt.

“Crops are already starting to struggle around the world,” Jody murmurs. “Who knows how many years we’ll have the resources to make a cake like this. We should enjoy these times while we can. We can honor Ryland this way. Honor everything he has done and is doing for us.”

Jody is right. Things were only going to get worse. Who knows how many more birthday cakes there would be. The world was going to start to die as their sun dimmed. They had to celebrate while they could.

But it feels so wrong to be celebrating alone.

“I miss him,” Colt whimpers, even more tears stinging in his eyes.

“We’ve got you, Colt,” Dan says firmly, reaching out to squeeze Colt’s shoulder.

“Dadada,” both Iris and Daffodil babble. Colt’s heart squeezes painfully. They’ve both been so well-behaved today, sensing their dad’s turmoil and grief. They are the best daughters in the world.

“You both just want the cake, don’t you?” Colt says with a teary laugh. His girls both cheer and clap, and Colt’s heart feels lighter for a moment.

“Let’s sing then, shall we?” mom says, taking Iris from his lap. Colt closes his eyes as his family and close friends sing around him. He squeezes his throat and chest to keep his sobs contained. Once the song is done, he opens his eyes again and blows out the candles on the cake.

It is strawberry shortcake. Ryland’s favorite.

“You should send a wish up for Ryland as well,” Jody whispers.

“It’s not his birthday yet,” Colt says, his voice breaking as a tear slips down his cheek. “I did the math. At the speed the Hail Mary is already going, he’s already experiencing less time than us here. He won’t be 36 for another four or five months still. I… I’m older than him now.”

Colt can’t stop the sob then. He puts his head in his hands and cries. His twin, his older brother, is now younger than him. This wasn’t supposed to be possible.

Jody wraps her arms around her husband and cries with him.

38 and 46 years old

“What is two plus two?”

He wakes up and has no idea where he is. Who he is.

He figures out he is in space before he figures out who he is. He figures out he’s in an entirely different star system before he figures out who he is. He is the only one alive on his spaceship, the other two crew already long dead.

He finally finds a mirror and looks at himself.

“Colt?” he gasps.

But he knows that’s not his name.

So how come it’s the only name he can think of when he sees his own face?

35 years old

Eva Stratt knew this would happen once the Hail Mary had launched. She had bulldozed over so many governments. So many rules and restrictions had been ignored. She’d pirated everything and uploaded all human knowledge into the Hail Mary. She had dismissed any rule or law that would have prevented her from doing so.

But humanity would survive. That was the important thing. If the governments of the world needed a scapegoat, she alone would handle that burden. For humanity.

For Dr. Ryland Grace.

The trial lasted months, starting as soon as the astronauts had launched from Baikonur. Eva turned herself in. She wouldn’t fight what needed to happen. She had done what was required of her.

She let them trample over her like she had trampled over them. She accepted her sentences and resolved herself to a lifetime in prison. She just wished they could finish it all faster so she could go grieve alone in her awaiting cell.

But of course, there was always one more thing.

“We have one last witness,” the judge called as the last day of her trial came to an end. Eva blinked, but otherwise controlled her shock. She had kept a list in her head of everyone who could have come after her. She had no idea who this last witness could be.

The person stepped up to the stand, and Eva’s heart stopped in her chest.

“Dr. Grace?” she couldn’t help but gasp a little.

It couldn’t be, of course. She had watched as Dr. Grace was loaded into the rocket that was sent up to Baikonur. She’d seen with her own eyes that he had been strapped in and launched into space. This man before her now couldn’t be him. Yet, he looked identical to the man she had condemned to the stars.

“Mr. Colton Grace, brother of astronaut Dr. Ryland Grace, has proof that his brother did not volunteer for the Hail Mary mission,” a lawyer announced to the room. “He received voicemails from Dr. Grace three days before the launch from Baikonur, on the day of the explosion that killed Doctors DuBois and Shapiro, that prove that he was forcefully sent into space against his will by the project’s leader, Ms. Eva Stratt.”

Eva’s heart began to ache more than it already had been. She stared at Ryland’s twin brother, who she had known about but never met.

Colton Grace stared back at her with fierce anger and eyes burning with tears. He had come with a vengeance and he would get what was owed.

And Eva wouldn’t fight him on it. She deserved every bit of hell that was coming for her, if only for sending Dr. Grace to Tau Ceti to die. She would accept her fate graciously.

35 and 37 years old

Jody wins the honor of directing the documentary on Project Hail Mary. She gets access to all the insider information on what went down during the years of the project. She interviews some of the key players that took part in the creation of the Hail Mary, that were in charge of astrophage production, who were privy to the inner workings of humanity’s last hope.

Dr. Selma Lokken and Dr. Dimitri Komorov are Jody’s favorites to work with. They are both eager to relinquish all their knowledge of the project in order to fully portray how everything worked. 

Both claim that Ryland Grace was one of their best friends, and that they were voices in the decision that concluded that he was the only person who could go on the mission as the science specialist. They both expressed extreme regret for what had happened, and are adamant that Ryland is to get his hero’s recognition in the documentary, no matter how he ended up on the mission in the first place.

Neither of them have any qualms for how they are portrayed for their parts in deciding to send Ryland to space to die.

“We are villains in his story,” Dr. Lokken says reverently. “He was our friend, and we still decided that he was the one who had to save us all. Let us be the villains. Dr. Grace is… He was one of the most remarkable human beings I’ve had the honor of knowing. The world needs to see him as the hero he is.”

Colt, of course, is cast to portray his brother. Jody says she won’t entertain the idea of anyone else playing Ryland Grace. It has to be Colt.

Colt accepts, because he wants the world to know his brother. He wants the world to be proud of his contributions and his sacrifice to save them all. He commits himself to learning all of Ryland’s notes by heart. He immerses himself into his brother’s life.

Jody worries for her husband, but knows he has to go through this to grieve. She takes over raising their daughters while Colt becomes his brother for several months.

Colt spirals for a time, but comes out the other end with a newfound sense of peace and acceptance, even if Jody knows he will never be able to forget the pain of loss.

Colt sits with both Iris and Daffodil on his lap as they watch the documentary together as a family for the first time, but certainly not the last time. Jody swears her daughters will grow up knowing their uncle and the sacrifice he made for them.

The documentary is Jody’s proudest piece of work. The entire world knows the heroes that are aboard the Hail Mary, racing away from Earth forever, going further than humankind has ever gone before to save their sun.

Jody cries for her brother-in-law, who had always been so kind to her, and hopes that she did his memory justice with this final work of hers.

38 and 46 years old

Ryland stares at the screen showing the view of the Petrovascope. He rubs his finger over the break in the red line.

“What?” he wonders, his heart starting to race.

“Blip-A detected,” the Hail Mary announces.

“What’s a Blip-A?” Ryland asks.

“Blip-A detected.”

Ryland can’t believe his eyes a moment later. He watches in pure awe as an alien spaceship glides up alongside the Hail Mary. It is unlike anything he could have even imagined.

It’s terrifying.

It’s beautiful.

Ryland is right.

He is right, and someone else is wrong.

Ryland groans and slams his head against the window. This amnesia thing is so frigging annoying. The memory is right there, at the tip of his tongue, so to say. He just can’t quite grasp it! But he knows there was a playful argument with someone, and they didn’t think aliens were real, but Ryland knew otherwise and here is the proof right here in front of him.

Ryland is right, ha ha ha!

Ryland’s eyes go wide.

“Holy fucking shit,” he curses. He is right. An alien ship is right outside the Hail Mary.

He needed to get the frick out of there.

“No no. No no no no! Let’s go! Let’s go, Mary! Pilot detected!”

40 and 51 years old

When the War of the States breaks out over food shortages, Colt receives an offer to move his family and close friends to Baikonur.

“Baikonur remains the headquarters for monitoring Project Hail Mary,” the man on their doorstep says. He had introduced himself as Carl, a name that sparks recognition for Colt as someone who witnessed his brother’s last moments on Earth. “As such, it has been granted full protection and amnesty in order for us to be ready to receive the Beetles once they return with information. With everything happening, it has been decided that the families of the astronauts out there saving us should be offered a place there.”

“What… What does that mean?” Colt asks, his tongue heavy in his mouth.

“Dr. Grace is out there sacrificing his life to save ours,” Carl says quietly. “The least we can do is ensure his family lives to see the labors of his sacrifice. I have a private jet waiting for you and anyone you would like to bring, within reason. We’ll keep your family safe and fed, and you will be able to wait with us for the Beetles’ return.”

“What about immigration? My daughters don’t even have passports.”

“Like I said, full amnesty. Everything will be taken care of for you. For Dr. Grace. The Yáo and Ilyukhina families are already being moved there. We can get your family moved to safety as well.”

“How long would we have before we have to decide?” Colt asks.

“I’ll be here for three days.”

Colt talks to Jody right away.

“Leave?” she gasps. “Move all the way to Baikonur?”

“They’ll keep us safe there,” Colt says. “We’d have full amnesty there, full protection. Apparently there’s a school there, and we’d have our own home… And we’d be there when the Beetles return from Tau Ceti.”

“Oh my God!”

“I know… And with everything going… Jody, it’s not safe here anymore,” Colt whispers. “The States are warring. There are bombs going off in Los Angeles. My grandpas are already gone, thank goodness. But the rest of us aren’t safe. I could move us to a safe place. Carl said I could bring who I wanted to ‘within reason.’ I’m going to bring Dan and his family with us. He’s family, too. Our daughters and his son won’t have to worry about starving.”

“The girls aren’t going to be happy about moving,” Jody says.

“But they will be safe,” Colt says, his voice thick with tears.

“They will be safe.” Jody agrees. “I will start packing all of our bags.”

Colt lets Dan know the plan. His husband and their son accept the offer, eager to get away from the approaching war. Food is already tight. They have to do what it takes to survive.

Colt and Jody pack up their daughters and Colt’s mom. They visit Colt’s grandpas’ grave one last time, and then they are gone.

The flight to Baikonur is surprisingly smooth. The private jet probably helps with that. His teenage daughters are unhappy to be moving so far away, but they accept the reasons why they are doing so. They’ve only known a life of food shortages and drought and conflict. They know they still have a long time to wait before salvation comes to them.

Baikonur is freezing when they step off the plane.

“I hate it here already,” Iris whines as she wraps her scarf tighter around her head.

“I mean, it’s a unique landscape,” Daffodil says, always the more optimistic of the two.

“I’m going to freeze to death,” Dan’s son says miserably.

“But you won’t starve,” Dan huffs.

“We’ll be safe here,” Colt says, wrapping his arm around Jody and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“We will make this work,” Jody says, squeezing her arms around Colt’s middle.

“This is all because of Uncle Ryland, right?” Daffodil asks. “He’s the reason we get to stay here?”

“It is,” Colt whispers.

“He always looks out for us,” Iris says firmly. Colt can’t help but smile.

They don’t remember their uncle. They’d only been alive for a month before he’d been sent away from them. But they have the photos of their uncle holding them the day they were born, and they have the documentary of him that their mother made, and they have all the stories that Colt gives them. They know who their Uncle Ryland is. Colt won’t let anyone forget his brother.

Movement draws his attention, and turns to it. Colt freezes as he spots the familiar figure striding towards them. White hote anger burns through him in a split second before fizzling out just as soon as it had appeared.

“Shouldn’t you be rotting in a French prison?” Colt hisses as Eva Stratt walks up to his family.

“They needed someone to run Baikonur. I was let out on good behavior,” Stratt says. If her tone were any less serious, it would have been a joke.

“You were sentenced to life,” Jody huffs.

“Like I said, they needed someone to run this place,” Stratt sighs. “It turns out, no one else likes making the hard decisions I did for so long. So they brought me back. At least until the Beetles return. Then I’ll probably go back to prison.”

“And you’re just… okay with this?” Dan wonders. Stratt shrugs.

“Humanity will survive. What happens to me is unimportant.”

“Everyone I spoke to on the project for my documentary said you were jaded and straightforward, but… damn,” Jody says.

“If everything went accordingly, the Beetles will be on their way back to us with vital information,” Stratt says. “It is important for us to be ready to receive them once they are here. Almost as important as it is for the families of the astronauts to be safe and alive to see the work they did, which is why I sent for you.”

The anger bubbles back.

“Ryland didn’t want to go,” Colt hisses as tears spring from his eyes and roll down his cheeks uninhibitedly. “He should be here with me! You sent him to die!”

“I did,” Stratt sighs. “A choice I still cannot regret. He is the one who will save our sun. I know this in my heart to be true. Commander Yáo piloted them and kept them safe on their mission, Ilyukhina would have kept their ship in top condition, but Dr. Ryland Grace is the one smart and clever enough to save us all. I believe no one else in our world would have been suited for this task.”

Colt has to look away. He wants to hate this woman for what she did. She sent his older brother up to space without even letting him say ‘goodbye.’

But… She had also sent humanity’s best chance of survival to Tau Ceti. He understood her position and what she’d had to do, even if he hated her for that same reason.

Colt chokes on a sob and falls to his knees. Iris and Daffodil are at his sides immediately, wrapping their arms around him as he cries.

Because as much as it hurts to admit it, Colt knows she is right.

Ryland had to be the one to go to space. He was the one that would save them all. He was the only one who could have been sent to do this mission.

Even if that left Colt with a Ryland-shaped hole in his heart.

38 and 46 years old

“No no no, Grace stop now. Grace is doing it wrong.”

“How am I doing it wrong, Rocky? There’s no right way to do this!”

“Yes, there is right way. Grace piloting skills so bad bad bad. If you do that maneuver again Grace will kill us. Both Grace and Rocky plural die, our stars die, bad bad bad. Do maneuver again. Do right this time.”

“You do the maneuver, if you know how to do it right!”

“Grace is being cranky. Stupid and tired, how long since last sleep, question?”

Ryland groans and rubs at his face. “I slept ten hours ago, you know this. You watched me. I don’t need sleep yet. But I’ve been trying to learn how to pilot for six hours now and I’m getting frustrated. And hungry. I need a break.”

“You sleep, I watch,” Rocky says quickly. “Your brain won’t be stupid anymore after sleep.”

“I don’t need sleep. I need carbs,” Ryland hufs as he shuts the Hail Mary’s spin drives off and unbuckles himself so he can float to the crew quarters.

“No understand last word,” Rocky says as he follows Ryland down through the Hail Mary.

“Carbs. Glucose. The human brain runs on glucose,” Ryland explains as he digs around for the Pop-Tarts stash he’d found. “If I don’t have glucose I’ll get even more cranky.” He tears open the packaging and bites into both Pop-Tarts inside at the same time. Heavenly sweetness.

“Disgust,” Rocky says with a shudder, quickly crawling back through his tunnels and away as Ryland devours his meal after hours of piloting.

“You’re disgust!” Ryland calls back with a laugh. He takes another bite of both Pop-Tarts and chews it. They are cinnamon flavored. They’re good, but cinnamon has never been his favorite. He’s always preferred the strawberry ones. Cinnamon has always been Colt’s—

Ryland freezes.

His heart sinks.

“Colt,” he gasps, his voice breaking as a sob rises in his chest.

The memories come flooding in all at once, tearing through Ryland’s mind like 9,000 miliamps blasting through circuitry designed to run on 50 miliamps and leaving him shaking on the floor. Ryland can hear Rocky calling out to him in a panicked tone, but he can’t respond.

Ryland remembers Colt. His brother. His twin brother.

Colt was the first name he had remembered, back when he had just woken from the coma. He’d seen his face and thought of Colt, because of course he would, seeing his own face.

“Colt!” Ryland sobs. He rushes over to his things and pulls out the only photograph that had been tucked amongst his things. He feels tears stinging in his eyes and he wishes they had gravity right now so they could fall properly. Instead, he has to use his shirt to clear the moisture gathering on his eyes just so he can stare at the photograph.

He’d thought the picture had been of himself, but now he clearly remembers… Ryland had been the one to take the picture.

And he’d taken the picture of his twin brother.

Colt.

Ryland has a brother that he’d fucking forgotten. He’d forgotten Colt, his little brother, his other half.

And he is never going to see him again.

Ryland clutches the photo to his chest as his sobbing grows out of control. He floats around in the zero gravity, his whole body aching with the horrible feeling of loss.

He remembers things all at once. He remembers playing with Colt on the beach growing up, remembers the trouble they got into in school. He remembers going to the doctor with Colt multiple times after he’d broken various bones flipping off of things. He remembers taking care of Colt after he’d broken his back. He remembers, with a horrible feeling of guilt, missing his brother’s wedding.

He remembers visiting Colt after the birth of his brother’s twin daughters.

But he cannot remember seeing his brother after that. He can’t remember saying ‘goodbye’ to Colt.

“Grace! What’s wrong, question?” Rocky warbles in a panicked tone as he uses his magnets to make his way over to Ryland.

“I-I need gravity,” Ryland cries, unable to see through all the tears in his eyes now that wouldn’t fall due to surface tension.

“Okay! I will go turn on gravity!”

Rocky scampers off, and Ryland continues to sob. He feels the ship begin to rotate, tilting around him, and his tears begin to finally stream down his cheeks as the centrifuge activates. Ryland gently floats to the ground, and he curls up next to one of the lap tables. Rocky returns a moment later, carefully rolling up next to Ryland and nudging his ball against his leg.

“Grace is leaking. What is wrong, question?” Rocky asks softly.

“I… I remembered I have a brother back on Earth,” Ryland whispers. “I’d forgotten him… But now I remember and… And I… Rocky, I miss my little brother so much!”

“What is new word, question?”

“Brother? He’s… We were born together. We have the same parents.”

“Ah. Eridian word for this is ♫♩♪♩.” Rocky pauses, then nudges Ryland again. “You did not remember your brother?”

“I-I-I forgot a lot durning my coma, remember? I’ve been slowly remembering things. But my brother… C-Colt… I forgot him,” Ryland cries.

“You remember now. Is good,” says Rocky.

“But I’m never going to see him again!” Ryland nearly shouts. “I’m here in space, and I don’t think I ever got to say ‘goodbye’ to him and now I’m never going to see him again!” Ryland chokes on another sob and buries his head into his hands. Rocky taps his claws next to him, getting a good look at him.

“But… You will see your brother when you go home, question?” Rocky asks after another moment.

So, it was time to rub salt into the wound, huh?

“Rocky,” Ryland sighs, wiping his hands over his face to try to clear his tears and snot away. “I, uh… This trip was a one-way ticket for me. We had only enough astrophage to get here… But not enough to go back home.”

“Then what happens to Grace, question?” Rocky asks, the panicked warble back in his voice. “You know this before you leave, question?”

Well, he must have, right? Even though he knew he’d never see Colt again. “I’m going to die here, Rocky. After we save our stars, I’ll send my findings back on smaller probes that don’t require as much fuel, and then I’ll die.”

Rocky almost seems to shake inside his ball. “Why didn’t you tell me, question?”

“It slipped my mind,” mutters Ryland.

“No. Grace will go home.”

“Rocky… Listen, buddy.”

“No.”

“Listen.”

“No no no.”

“Rocky,” Ryland turns to face his friend. “I got to meet you. I got to do all this amazing stuff. I’m going to save my brother back on Earth, save our stars. I’m… I can make peace with that.” Later. He would make peace later, after he’d had more time to grieve, but Rocky didn’t need to know this.

Ryland stands and walks away from Rocky, trying his best to get his tears under control. His chest aches so badly. He wants Colt so badly. He sort of wishes he’d never remembered his brother, because then at least he wouldn’t be hurting so much right now. They were supposed to be close together forever. How did this happen? Why the hell had Ryland volunteered for this suicide mission? What on Earth would have possessed him to ever leave Colt behind?

“How much astrophage you need, question?” Rocky’s chords sound softly across the room. Ryland’s heart skips a beat.

“Two million kilograms,” he whispers.

“I can give,” says Rocky firmly. “I go home six years slower.”

“That’s too much,” Ryland gasps, even as hope begins to bubble up in his chest, bringing tears to his eyes once more.

“Rocky watch crew die. Could not fix. Grace say Grace will die. Rocky fix. Grace see brother again.”

Ryland inhales a sharp breath and turns back to Rocky as tears begin to fall down his cheeks again. Rocky raises one of his claws and presses it against his ball facing Ryland.

“Grace go home,” he says resolutely.

Ryland dissolves back into sobs as he collapses next to Rocky, enveloping his friend’s ball into the tightest hug he can muster. Rocky cooes at him, offering comfort and friendship and so much more. The gratitude Ryland feels… He’ll never be able to put it into words, in any language on Earth, nor on Erid.

Rocky is giving him his brother back.

41 and 55 years old

It hits Colt one day that his brother is probably dead.

It’s been twenty years since the Hail Mary launched, taking Ryland away with her. It took just over thirteen years for the ship to get to Tau Ceti. Ryland and the others would have had enough food for half a year to a year or so in order to research the Petrova Line there and come up with a solution. But after that, there was no way they would be able to survive longer. They had no way of growing more food.

So, twenty years later, Ryland was probably long dead.

This thought hits Colt like the cold slab of floor hitting and cracking his spine.

He has to sit down.

He sobs.

He tries to tell himself that Ryland is dead and that he died a hero and that it’s okay to mourn his brother and move on.

But something in his mind gets stuck on the word ‘probably.’

Ryland is probably dead.

Colt can’t seem to accept the fact that he is resolutely dead.

Probably dead.

Probably.

39 and 48 years old

Ryland has a dilemma. A problem.

An impossible choice, really.

He’s already thrown up three times as he weighs his options. There are only two, and both are so heavy in his mind that he wants to fall asleep forever and be saved from choosing at all.

But he has to make a choice, and quickly.

Taumeba can get through xenonite. In breeding the savior for the suns to resist nitrogen, Ryland has created a strain of taumeba that can get through xenonite. Ryland’s ship is safe, all his fuel stored in aluminum alloys, titanium, and Eridian-made steel. His fuel is safe.

But the Blip-A’s astrophage fuel is stored in xenonite. The taumeba would have escaped their farms and gotten into the fuel supply with nothing able to stop it.

The Blip-A would be derelict in space.

Rocky would be stranded in space with no way to get home.

Ryland can save him. But… he’d have to sacrifice everything once more.

Rocky had given Ryland enough astrophage to return to Earth. To return to Colt. Ryland has a chance to go home, to see his brother again. All he has to do is keep going.

But…

But then he’d be abandoning Rocky to a slow and painful death, not only for him, but for his planet. He has no fuel to get home. He has no way to send his taumeba to his people to save their sun.

Ryland can go home, but Rocky will die.

Ryland lets out another sob and looks back out the airlock window into space. His eyes lock onto the flickering yellow dot he knows is Sol out in the distance. He knows what his decision is going to be.

“I’m sorry, Colt,” he whispers.

Ryland cries for a moment more. Then he steadies himself and returns to the lab. He pulls out the handheld camera and sets it up in front of him.

He records his final message to Earth.

His final message to his brother.

He hopes Colt will understand his choice.

44 and 59 years old

The world is a very different place in the year 2048. The years stretch on slowly. Wars have been waged, lives have been lost, and yet the estimated number of deaths was never reached.

It took time, but the nations of the world eventually came together. A new union was forged in the world, and people were working together now. The new alliances are fragile, but there is a will and desire to make them work.

Salvation is close. Everyone can sense it.

Not that Colt cares about that at this moment. He paces outside of the medical center at Baikonur. Despite the world getting better and better even with everything that had happened, he and his family won’t leave yet. The Beetles are due back in about 2 years, if everything went right. He has to be here in Baikonur when they get here. He gave his daughters permission to move away if they wanted, but they also decided to stay, both jumping into science and math as soon as they were old enough.

Just like their uncle.

They’d both finished their schooling in Baikonur, then jumped straight into work here as well. Iris works as an engineer on site, mainly working on the rocket that wil be launched to receive the Beetles once they arrive. Daffodil, on the other hand, has gone into medicine, becoming a nurse at the Baikonur medical center.

The center that Colt isn’t allowed into at the moment.

“It’s been hours. Can’t we go in yet?” Colt huffs as his impatience grows.

“Calm down, Colt,” his mom says. “Giving birth takes a while.”

“I just want to know if she’s okay!”

“Jody would come and get you if there were any complications. Just come sit next to me.”

Colt does so, his mom yanking him down next to her. She’s in her eighties now, but still as strong as ever.

“I don’t understand why I can’t be there, too,” he grumbles.

“Because you are overprotective and distracting when you are worried.”

“Fair enough.”

Luckily for Colt, they only have to wait another half an hour before Jody comes to get them.

“How is she?” Colt asks as he leaps to his feet, pulling his wife into a hug.

“She did beautifully,” Jody says, her smile bright. “She says you’re welcome to come in now.”

Colt follows his wife into the medical center and to the room that his daughters are in. He steps into the room, and his heart bursts with joy at the sight of his family.

“Iris,” he exclaims, rushing to his daughter’s side. “How are you?”

“Just fine, dad,” Iris says with a bright smile. She looks exhausted, but she did just go through several hours of labor and delivery. Colt leans down and places a kiss on her forehead.

Iris wasn’t married, nor did she have any desire to ever get married. She had refused to say who the father of her child was, but Colt didn’t care about that. She had wanted to keep the baby, and so they had rallied around her. Nothing was more important to Colt than family, no matter what.

“It was actually a very ideal birth,” Daffodil says as she walks over as well. She had been the one to help her twin sister deliver the baby, after all. “No tearing at all, and baby was in the perfect position.”

“Sure didn’t feel easy, even with all that,” Iris huffs.

“But you did just fine, didn’t ya,” Daffodil chirps. “Sit down, dad, so you can meet your granddaughter.”

“It’s a girl?” Colt gasps, taking a seat next to Iris’ bed.

“A perfect little girl,” Iris says. Colt reaches out and squeezes her hand. He loves living with his family full of girls. Angels, they all are, with another one now added.

“Here’s our granddaughter,” Jody says with a bright smile as she places the bundle she had lifted from the crib into Colt’s arms. He takes his granddaughter from his wife, his tears spilling over his cheeks as he does.

He is reminded all at once of holding his twin daughters for the first time. They had been so tiny. Just like his new granddaughter.

“Oh, Iris. She’s beautiful,” Colt sobs. His granddaughter coos and reaches up with a tiny hand, her delicate fingers curling around one of Colt’s calloused and wrinkled fingers and squeezing it.

“I’m absolutely obsessed with her,” Iris says.

“I can’t wait to spoil her rotten,” Daffodil exclaims.

“Have you named her yet?” Colt wonders, staring down at the perfect baby in his arms.

“I have,” Iris says softly, her voice wavering slightly. “Her name is Ryland.”

Colt looks up at his daughter, his vision blurring completely with the force of his tears.

“You… You’re… You’re serious?” he squeaks.

“I think it’s a very good name for my daughter,” Iris says earnestly.

“Ryland,” Colt cries, looking back down at his granddaughter. “Oh, little Ryland. Your great-uncle would be so happy. You’ve got quite the namesake, you know.”

“We’ll be sure to tell her all about who she is named after,” Jody promises, placing a kiss to her husband’s forehead.

Little baby Ryland Grace-Moreno cries out into the room. Colt looks down at her in awe and cries with her. She’s going to do amazing things one day, just like her namesake.

45 and 60 years old

It’s been about an Earth year and a half since Ryland and Rocky made it to Erid. It had been a rough journey to get there. Even with all the food, Ryland had nearly starved to death. They’d saved samples of his food that he couldn’t eat so that it could be cloned once they got to Erid. In the last few months of space travel, Ryland had been forced to resort to eating coma slurry and taumeba, which had sustained him but left him with all sorts of awful maladies.

It had taken him months to recover once they had reached Erid, but all the hard work and suffering had paid off. Ryland’s new home is almost done being built. He could finally move off the Hail Mary and live in an area with more space.

The Eridians have been nothing but welcoming. Both he and Rocky were deemed saviors upon arrival. Well, he, Rocky, and the twenty-two Eridians and two humans who died saving their stars. A monument has already been built on Erid to honor their sacrifices, and Ilyukhina’s and Yáo’s names have been included.

Ryland has been able to finally meet Adrian, and the two of them have hit it off quickly. Adrian is a scientist, too. One of the leading astronomers on Erid. It was their expertise on the stars that kept them on Erid in the first place, to help their planet make it through the rough years while Rocky went off with the others to find a solution to save their star.

Ryland loves talking with Adrian. He’s almost completely fluent in Eridianese now, and not just the Hail Mary pidgin he and Rocky spoke exclusively. Adrian also worked hard to become fluent in english, so they have extensive conversations about science all the time, which both infuriates and endears Rocky.

So all in all, Ryland’s life is pretty good. He’s excited to move into his new dome. Rocky has overseen its construction and Adrian has put together the team that will run it. Ryland was worried that it would be too much of a hassle or waste of resources to keep him alive at first, but the Eridians truly were ecstatic to host intelligent alien life and learn all about humans and Earth.

Ryland has even heard there were early thrums discussing the possibility of another mission to travel all the way to Earth to establish contact between the two planets, but that would take time and they needed to confirm that Erid’s sun was safe, first. Still, even the idea of it was exciting. Even if Ryland wouldn’t live long enough to see it happen.

“Still the first human to ever make contact with alien life,” he says to himself as he looks out the window of the Hail Mary and down at the planet Erid. The ship is docked onto their space elevator right now until his dome is completed. He’s been down to the surface a few times, in his own version of Rocky’s ball that his friend had constructed to keep him safe, but he couldn’t stay down there until his new home was done.

Ryland likes being up above, though. Erid is insanely beautiful. He can’t believe he made it all the way.

“Grace awake, question?” Rocky calls as the familiar hiss of his airlock sounds.

“I’m in here!” Ryland calls back. A moment later, both Rocky and Adrian come skittering into the room. They’re both wearing the new, form-tight xenonite suits Rocky had designed and created. They allow for full mobility within Ryland’s atmosphere and have allowed them to get up to all sorts of science together that they couldn’t do before.

“Hey Adrian. How’d your thrum go?” Ryland wonders.

“We have confirmed that the taumeba is working perfectly,” Adrian reports. “Our sun is rapidly gaining strength and luminance once more.”

“That’s amazing to hear!” Ryland gasps. He wishes he could know how Earth’s sun was doing, but it would still be years before they would be able to see any change. It took sixteen years for light to travel to Erid, after all.

“It is good good good news,” Rocky chirps.

“Very good good good,” Ryland agrees.

“You two and your silly language,” Adrian says with a laugh.

“You think it’s fun,” Ryland says. He knows Adrian is fond of them both. They’ve said as much multiple times.

“Do you have a moment, Savior Grace? We came to ask you something,” Adrian says as they and Rocky move further into the room. Ryland blushes slightly at the title. He’s told Adrian he doesn’t have to use it, but Adrian insists that both he and Rocky receive the highest of honors for their sacrifices and shared pain in saving their suns.

“I always have a moment for you both,” Ryland says earnestly.

“Yes yes yes I ask! Grace, you will come live with me and Adrian, question?” Rocky wonders.

“What?” Ryland gasps. That was not at all what he was expecting.

“Correction,” Adrian interrupts Rocky as he starts to trill again, “your enclosure is close to being complete, Savior Grace. With your permission, Rocky and I would like to move our home next to your dome so that we can be close by. But we wanted to ask first, so that we do not impose on you.”

“Impose? You— I— You could never impose on me, Adrian!” Ryland exclaims.

“We must check,” says Adrian. “You are the only human on Erid. You are surrounded by everything unfamiliar. Rocky and I would understand if you wanted space from it all. Space from us.”

“But I don’t want space from you. You both… Well, you are right, I’m the lone human here on Erid, but you guys make me feel safe. Without you, I’d feel a lot more scared being here.” Both Rocky and Adrian have become the most important friends Ryland has ever had.

“So we can move in with you?” Rocky asks excitedly.

“Next to, my mate,” Adrian chides.

“You want to live with me?” Ryland squeaks.

“Of course,” states Rocky, as if the question is stupid. “Must be close to Grace. Never want to be apart again. Bad things happen when we part.”

“I didn’t know you felt anxious about that still. I feel the same way, buddy,” Ryland admits. It’s always hard to sleep when Rocky has to go down to Erid. Ryland is so used to his presence watching him sleep that it’s nearly impossible to do so without Rocky now.

“We will never be apart again. You are my mate, statement,” Rocky says firmly.

“I… What?” Ryland feels like he can’t breathe. “I-I can’t be your mate!”

“You don’t want to be mates?” Rocky warbles.

“Rocky! Adrian is right there!”

“Why is this a problem?” Adrian asks. “Rocky loves you, you love Rocky. You should be mates.”

“But… What about you?” Ryland feels like he’s dreaming. His brain can’t keep up with what is happening.

“Grace,” says Adrian, “this is not Earth. I understand there are social stigmas against multiple mates, but this is not the case on Erid. Two or three mates is common. You and Rocky went through experiences that are unimaginable to anyone else. I will never understand fully what you went through. You two need each other, and I want to be here to support you both as you heal and recover. It is acceptable if you are mates, and maybe soon I can be considered as such as well, once we know each other better.”

Ryland gapes at Adrian. The beautiful, teal-colored Eridian shifts slightly in the way Ryland now recognizes is embarrassment. The gravity of what they and Rocky are proposing starts to hit Ryland.

“You both want to be my mates,” he gasps.

“Yes,” Rocky and Adrian say together.

“But… I’m not Eridian!”

“No. You are human and unique and you saved my mate and my home,” Adrian says. “I want to know you more and care for you in return.”

“And you are my brave human,” says Rocky. “You sacrificed yourself for me. I love you, Grace. I want to be with you forever, and watch you sleep and keep you safe, and continue doing science with you forever!”

“I still don’t understand! Mates? I-I can’t give you babies!” Ryland huffs. “O-Or sex! We aren’t physically compatible!”

“This is important for humans to be mates, question?” Rocky asks. Ryland blinks.

His first instinct was to say ‘yes’ of course. Many humans loved sex. It was needed for reproduction, and the act of it was rewarded with addictive dopamine.

Still, Ryland had never liked sex. He’d never wanted sex. He simply wanted connection and partnership, but he didn’t want the physical aspects that usually came with such a relationship. It’s why all his attempts had failed before.

But now… Now he lives on an alien planet, and his best friend in the entire universe and his mate want him to be with them, and they don’t expect anything from him. They just want to be close to him.

They were offering him the partnership and companionship he has craved his entire life.

Ryland’s eyes start to fill with tears.

“Grace,” Rocky says firmly and in fluent Eridianese, instead of the Hail Mary pidgin they had created and used together. “I love you. We saved both our suns and lived through hard challenges together. I sacrificed myself for you, and you did the same for me. I will love you no matter what your response is. I just want you to know how I feel. How Adrian and I feel.”

“We do not want to pressure you, however. Just to make our feelings clear to you,” Adrian says.

Ryland stumbles towards both of them, his knees weak. His heart is beating out of his chest and he feels so warm and relieved.

“Yes. I want this,” he whispers. “I want to be your mate. I want you both to live with me. I want you to watch me sleep. I want to watch you both sleep. I want to keep learning about Erid through you both, and share all my knowledge with you in return. I want that all so badly.”

“You will be our mate?” Rocky trills, his voice going so high Ryland can barely hear it.

“Yes,” Ryland exclaims. Both Rocky and Adrian surge forward, and Ryland collapses into them as he cries. Their arms wrap around him, and their heat radiates through their xenonite suits a little uncomfortably, but Ryland doesn’t care.

He is safe, and he is cared for, and even though he is lightyears away from Earth, he now has a new home here on Erid where he will be safe and cared for.

I did it, Colt, Ryland thinks to himself as he cries in the arms of his Eridians. I found partners who love and accept me as I am. I’ve found my partners for life.

I’m going to be okay. You don’t have to worry about me any more, Colt.

46 and 61 years old

It’s been months of torturous waiting, but the time has finally come.

The Beetles have arrived back to Earth.

Baikonur had picked up on their signals as they reached Jupiter, and they’ve been tracking them ever since. Once they are close enough, the Elpis rocket and probe are launched to retrieve them and bring them back to Earth.

Iris Grace-Moreno is in charge of the Elpis mission retrieving the Beetles. She had built the Elpis rocket that would retrieve them, after all. She oversees all parts of the mission from the control tower in Baikonur. Colt feels proud of her and all she has accomplished.

Once the Beetles are confirmed to be in Baikonur, the Grace, Ilyukhina, and Yáo families are gathered.

“What did the Beetles bring back? Are we saved? Did Ry save us?” Colt asks his daughter as soon as he is in the control tower.

“Uncle Ryland saved us,” Iris confirms. “Our salvation is in the Beetles.”

“Oh my God!” Jody gasps. She is holding baby Ryland in her arms. They’ve all been taking care of the toddler while her mom works on the Elpis mission.

“What is all that?” Daffodil asks as she stares at the scientists bustling around, handling several strange containers.

“That,” says Iris, “is our sun’s cure. It’s something called ‘taumeba,’ according to the notes taped to each farm. It’s the natural predator of astrophage.”

“Astrophage has a predator?” Colt’s mom exclaims, still going strong even in her old age. “That would control its population!”

“Yes. We’re going to send this stuff up to Venus, and it’s going to go hunting.”

“Was there anything else in the Beetles? Any… Any message?” Colt has to ask. His daughter smiles at him and brings them further into the control tower.

The Grace, Ilyukhina, and Yáo families are all gathered into the media room there. Stratt is already waiting for them, looking worn out, but also the most hopeful Colt has ever seen her.

“We have begun extracting all the video footage and files that were uploaded from the Hail Mary,” she announces to the room. “We have not watched any of it or reviewed any of it yet. We wanted you all to have the chance to be here to watch them first as well. They were your family members, after all.”

“Thank you for this opportunity,” Commander Yáo’s daughter, now an adult with her own children, says.

“We don’t know what footage there will be. We are going into this blind. There could be disturbing footage that hasn’t been edited,” Iris warns as she pulls up her own computer and starts typing away.

“Just let me see my brother again,” Colt tells her. He sits down, his wife and other daughter sitting on either side of him. His mom sits closer to Iris. Daffodil takes little Ryland from Jody and bounces her on her lap.

“Ready to meet your great-uncle?” Daffodil asks her niece. Baby Ryland just laughs happily.

“This one is titled ‘WATCH-ME-FIRST’ and has been included on all four Beetles,” Iris says as she starts scrolling through all the files.

“Pull it up then,” Stratt orders. Iris nods and does so. The large screen in the room blinks to life, and Colt can’t help the sob that tears from his throat.

It’s Ryland. He’s seeing Ryland again after so long. He looks the same as he did when he’d launched. It’s almost jarring for Colt to see his own face look so young again.

“Ry!” he gasps, nealy falling from his chair. Both Jody and Daffodil catch him, and Jody holds him close.

“My baby boy,” mom cries. She must be overjoyed as well to see her son again.

“Oh boy, I have no idea how to even start this off,” Ryland says through the camera. Colt’s heart lurches in his chest at the sound of his voice, and more tears stream down his face. Ryland looks good. Almost confident as he sits in front of the camera. He’s wearing one of the official Hail Mary uniforms, a jumpsuit with the mission patch and his name on his chest.

“Uncle Ryland,” Daffodil whispers in awe.

“Where is Oli?” Olesya’s sister wonders.

“Shh,” Stratt warns them all.

“Right,” continues Ryland in his recording, “this is going to be the first video you all see, so I’ll get some important things out of the way. First of all, if Colt isn’t there watching this right now, stop it immediately and get him. I want my brother to be here.”

“I’m here, Ry,” Colt cries. Jody squeezes him tighter.

“Perfect,” says Ryland. “Now that Colt is there… Colt, I am so sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t get to say ‘goodbye.’ I’m sorry I… Well, I’m sorry I got wrapped up in all this, I suppose. I didn’t mean to abandon you. I’m going to have to live with that regret for the rest of my life.

“But I ultimately don’t regret being here on the Hail Mary. I’ve done a lot of good, I think. And I’ve had some pretty extraordinary things happen to me that have given my entire life meaning. I’ll go into all of that, and you guys will have all my onboard recordings to go through that show just what an adventure I’ve had over here in Tau Ceti… but I wanted to state that here at the beginning.

“Stratt, if you’re still alive and watching, fuck you. But you were right. I’m still mad, but not as mad as I was before, so be happy about that.”

Stratt chuckles bitterly.

“If the Ilyukhina and Yáo families are there,” Ryland continues, his eyes growing visibly watery and teary even through the camera, “they are dead. They never even made it to Tau Ceti. I woke up and found out I was the sole survivor. Olesya and Li-Jie had died long before we reached our destination. I commended their bodies to the stars, along with all the photographs and mementos they had with them. Their sacrifices are ultimately what motivated me to work so hard in their stead. Know that they have received the highest honors I can give them here in space.”

Stratt has to pause the recording then. The Ilyukhina and Yáo families need a moment to grieve and cry for the lost loved ones.

Colt also needs a moment to grieve, nearly collapsing once again with the knowledge that his brother had woken up aboard the Hail Mary as the only human alive. His brother had been alone all this time. He had died alone. The knowledge of that is too terrible to fathom.

“Colt, I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Jody whispers to him.

“He was alone,” Colt cries.

“Oh, dad,” Iris whimpers as she and Daffodil also crowd around, comforting both him and his mom as they cry.

“I thought the comas were supposed to keep them safe!” Engineer Ilyukhina’s grand-nephew exclaims.

“It was the safest option we had, but it still had its dangers. Mercy, but two out of the three astronauts?” Stratt looks haunted as she speaks.

Once they had all composed themselves once more, Iris continues the video message.

“After I buried my crew amongst the stars, I got to work,” Ryland continues. “I made it to the Tau Ceti system and confirmed that it has a Petrova Line. But, it wasn’t dimming, just like our data told us. And then the truly extraordinary thing happened.”

Ryland grins then in the video. A full, elated grin full of teeth and pure joy. Colt can’t help but smile as well. Ryland’s grins were always infectious like that.

“I met an alien. Colt, I was right about alien life, and I really wish I was there to rub that in your face.”

“What?” multiple people in the room exclaim. Colt’s mouth drops open.

“Everyone, meet my extraterrestrial friend from 40 Eridani,” Ryland says excitedly, and the video shifts, another clip obviously and a little messily edited in.

Ryland stands there in a different outfit, in one of his silly science shirts. And next to him, encased in some sort of opaque material, is an honest-to-God alien. Holy. Fucking. Shit.

“Earth, Rocky. Rocky, Earth,” this Ryland says, gesturing to the rocky-looking crab-like lifeform.

“Hello Earth,” says the little alien. Well, the noises coming from the alien sound like musical chords, and a slightly robotic voice speaks over them from a computer. “I am Rocky! Rocky from Erid, not Rocky from movie. No no no.”

“I’m pretty sure they know that, bud.”

“Holy shit!” Daffodil exclaims. “Aliens, Ryland! Look! Your great-uncle met aliens!”

“Only Dr. Grace…” Stratt huffs.

“Oli would have loved this,” Engineer Ilyukhina’s sister cries.

The video clip changes again, back to the version of Ryland that had first spoken. He smiles at them all through the camera, looking every bit the astronaut he had become in his uniform. Looking closer, Colt can already see some new scars on his brother’s face. He’d never had scars before. Something must have happened on the mission. Colt can’t wait to learn everything that had happened to his older brother.

“So yeah, Rocky from the planet Erid,” says Ryland. “He came here for the same reason. His sun is dying because of astrophage, and the Eridians came to the same realization that Tau Ceti wasn’t and came here to check it out. He was here for decades before I got here. He was the only one who survived from his ship, too. Together we made a pretty good team and figured out how to save our stars.

“I assume you’ve already found the taumeba farms and the instructions. I really hope those little guys survive the journey, as awful and annoying as they are. Do not expose them to nitrogen. It kills them. I bred them to resist nitrogen up to a certain point, since Venus has it in its atmosphere, but just to be careful don’t do it.

“And that leads me to my current situation. You’ll learn all about our dangerous adventure to get this taumeba stuff. You’ll see all the videos of Rocky and I getting to know each other. You’ll learn how Rocky and his people got here.

“And you’ll learn… that Rocky’s ship had so much astrophage fuel on board that he was able to spare me two million kilograms to return home.”

Colt chokes on a sob.

“Oh my God,” Iris exclaims.

“Two million kilograms? To spare?” Daffodil exclaims.

“He’s coming home?” Colt gasps, his ears ringing slightly.

“Now, don’t get too excited about that. I’m… I’m not coming home,” Ryland continues, and all the hope that was rising up in Colt’s chest dies immediately, and he sags against Jody.

“No!” mom sobs, and Iris moves to comfort her grandma.

“Why?” Jody wonders as she holds Colt gently.

Ryland smiles at them all through the camera, a resigned yet peaceful expression on his face. “You see, the material that makes up Rocky’s ship, xenonite, is the same material I used to breed the taumeba in to live in nitrogen. A few weeks ago, Rocky and I separated. He started back towards Erid, and I started back towards Earth. I didn’t know this at the time of our separation, but the taumeba I bred to save our stars… I also ended up breeding it to get through the xenonite. Taumeba eats astrophage. My fuel is safe, because my tanks aren’t made of xenonite.

“But Rocky’s ship… I’ve already confirmed, he’s dead in space. He can’t get home. All his fuel, all his astrophage fuel, it’s been eaten by the very thing that was supposed to save his sun. He doesn’t have a version of the Beetles. His plan was always to return home. Now he has no way to get there, and he and his entire planet will die.

“But he gave me two million kilograms of fuel. I have enough astrophage to go save him and take him to Erid, which is what I’m going to do. He has given me so much. He nearly died saving me during our journey together. He gave me a chance to return home. I owe everything to him, and he’s my best friend.

“I won’t abandon him. I’m going to go rescue him and take him home. It’s the right thing to do.”

“Oh, Ry,” Colt cries. He leans forward and buries his head in his hands. He’s shaking and his emotions are a mess.

Ryland had had a chance to come home. The alien that he had met, Rocky, someone who wasn’t even human, had given him a chance to return home. Rocky of the planet Erid had given Ryland something that his own planet hadn’t been able to give him. Just a chance to return home.

And Ryland was giving up that chance to save his friend. To save an alien race and planet.

Colt was devastated. Of course he was. Ryland was alive but he still didn’t get to see him.

But he was also so insanely proud of his brother.

“Colt, I love you,” Ryland’s voice continues, surprising Colt into sitting back up. “I love you, and I’m so sorry I’m not returning home to you and mom. But honestly, it’s all kind of your fault. I’m just trying to be brave like you. I hope you can understand my decision to go back to save Rocky. He’s my best friend.

“I hope that everything I have done can make you proud of me. I hope you and Jody got to have your happy ending. Please let my nieces, Iris and Daffodil, know that I love them and I wish I had been able to watch them grow up. I hope my contributions to saving our sun will make up for that.”

“Of course, Uncle Ryland,” Iris whispers, leaning over her sister and placing a kiss on her own daughter’s head. Little Ryland looks up at her mom with big eyes, then back to her namesake on the screen.

Ryland smiles at them all through the camera once more. “I’ve left you detailed logs of all our findings. Also, all those MIDI files are the Eridian language. At least, everything that Rocky and I were able to translate in our time together. I’m hoping you can all use it to establish contact with them one day.

“Hopefully it all makes sense. And if not, you’re smart. You’ll figure it out.” Ryland winks. He’s gotten cocky. Colt has to smile. He is so proud of his brother.

“This is Dr. Captain Ryland Grace reporting from the Hail Mary. And as the Eridians say…” Ryland lifts his arm and rubs his left knuckles over his right forearm. Colt can’t help but laugh a little. Leave it to his older brother to make friends with a literal fucking alien.

“He did it,” Jody whispers as the video message ends. “He saved us all.”

“He always told me aliens were real,” Colt chuckles through his tears. “I never believed him. Of course he gets the last laugh in. Fucking prick.”

“Our uncle is the coolest,” Daffodil says. Colt smiles at his daughters.

“Yeah. I suppose he can claim the title of the coolest twin now,” he laughs.

They spend the next few days going through all the videos from the Hail Mary. Colt is there for every second of them.

Colt watches Ryland wake up alone on a spaceship, not knowing who or where he is. He cries when his brother looks at himself in a mirror and calls himself Colt.

Colt cries with everyone else as they watch the funeral of Ilyukhina and Yáo. He watches reverently as the first footage of the alien spaceship is shown. He laughs as his brother fails to pilot the Hail Mary for the first time, trying to get away from said alien spacecraft.

Colt watches in awe as Ryland and Rocky meet for the first time, and then learn how to communicate slowly but surely. He cackles as Rocky moves in and calls his brother ‘dirty.’ He cries again when Rocky explains what happened to his crew and how they died. He feels an immense and overwhelming feeling of gratitude that Rocky is there with Ryland, and that neither of them are alone out there.

Colt wails at the recording of Ryland remembering him, and then Rocky offering his fuel to Ryland. He is Eridian, he is not human, and yet he so easily offers so much of his fuel to Ryland so that he can go home. Rocky is willing to sacrifice another six years away from his mate just so Ryland can go home. Colt sobs and holds onto Jody and wishes so badly that he could tell Rocky ‘thank you’ in person.

They all watch in awe and horror as Ryland and Rocky enact their mission to obtain taumeba. Colt sits at the edge of his seat and sweats as his brother pilots a fucking spaceship and then does a fucking spacewalk and then nearly dies after the ship’s fuel breaches. He feels a sense of guilt that Ryland is having to go through all of this. Colt was supposed to be the twin doing all the crazy shit. This was never supposed to be Ryland’s job.

Colt watches in horrified silence as Ryland is being crushed by his chair and the excessive centrifugal forces on the Hail Mary. He sobs alongside the others as Rocky bursts into Ryland’s atmosphere in order to save him, risking death himself just to save Ryland.

The ship’s idle camera dies after that for a while, and the next clip is from the handheld camera. Ryland explains more about what happened, how Rocky saved him and how Ryland in turn had to save him. His entire left arm and part of his face is covered in bandages, having burned himself in Rocky’s atmosphere after saving the Eridian.

Colt cheers with the others when Rocky wakes up, both he and Ryland safe.

They breed the taumeba until it can survive in nitrogen. They party. Ryland takes a small camera aboard the Blip-A when they return to it, and they all get to watch in awe as they see the inside of an alien spaceship for the first time.

Colt cries once more when Ryland and Rocky say their farewells, and continues crying until the taumeba leak. He is given copies of all the logs afterwards, so he can watch his brother whenever he would like.

Iris helps create the probe that will take taumeba to Venus to save their sun. She and Ryland and Daffodil decide to stay in Baikonur to continue their work there.

Holly Grace finally dies, content with her life now that she knows her son saved the Earth’s sun. She is buried next to Ryland’s memorial in Baikonur.

Colt and Jody finally move out of Baikonur and back to California once his mom is gone. Stratt helps them obtain a new home, close to the coast and peaceful.

Colt buys an expensive telescope and looks up at the stars every night until he spots 40 Eridani. Jody joins him, and together they look out across space towards Ryland.

Colt knows that Ryland turned around facing his own death to save Rocky. He only had limited food on board the Hail Mary. His chances of survival after turning around were slim.

But… Colt can not believe that his brother was dead. He believes in his heart that Ryland had made it to Erid with Rocky, and if the other Eridians were anything like the selfless and amazing being that Rocky was, then they wouldn’t let Ryland die, either.

Ryland is safe out there. Colt knows he is. And while he isn’t here with him, Colt can live with the knowledge that somewhere out there, his brother had been able to make his own way to Erid after his life here on Earth had been taken from him.

Colt can make peace with that.

8 years old

Colton woke up screaming. The sense of dread he felt was the most terrifying thing he’d ever felt. The nightmare was so fresh in his mind, and he was so scared. He’d never felt this sort of terror before in his life, and as he looked around his room, his nightmare was confirmed.

Ryland wasn’t there anymore.

“RY!” Colton screamed. “RY!”

Thundering steps rushed down the hall, and his dad burst into his room a moment later.

“Colt! What’s wrong?” his dad ordered, pulling Colton into his arms once he had reached the bed.

“Ry is gone! Ry is gone!” Colton wailed, hugging his dad tightly.

His dream, it had come true! Ryland had died and he wasn’t there anymore and Colton was all alone!

“Buddy, Ryland came and slept with mom and I last night, remember?” dad reasoned. But that didn’t change the fact that Ryland was not there and Colton couldn’t see that his brother was safe.

“Ry!” he continued to wail. “RY!”

“Colt!”

Pure relief flooded through Colton with a force that left him lightheaded. He looked up through teary vision as his older brother came running into the room.

“Ry!” Colton sobbed, ripping himself from his dad’s arms and collapsing into his brother’s arms instead.

“Colt! What’s wrong? What happened?” Ryland exclaimed, tears gathering in his own eyes as he caught Colton and sank to the floor with him.

“I had a dream you were gone!” Colton cried. “You died, and I was still there! You died before me!”

“Colt, I’m okay!’ Ryland said. Their parents both gathered around them, holding their boys as they cried. Colton appreciated their presence, but his focus was solely on his brother. He held Ryland close to him, pressing his ear to his chest so he could hear his heartbeat.

Colton never wanted to live in a world that didn’t have his older brother. He wouldn’t be able to survive it.

“Promise me you won’t die before I do,” Colton whispered. “I don’t want to live without you.”

“I promise, Colt,” Ryland said earnestly, because of course he would. He was the kindest like that. Colton nodded and continued to hug his brother fiercely.

He never wanted to let go of Ryland.

61 and 77 years old

Ryland sighs in relief as the gravity pressing down on him gets lighter and lighter as the space elevator goes higher and higher. He never used to think about how much the extra gravity on Erid affected him, but with age, the strain of extra gravity became more and more noticeable on his joints. Still, he thinks he’s doing pretty good for being in his sixties. (It’s hard to keep track exactly, with all the time-dilated travel he’s done.) He uses a cane to get around, but the Eridians have kept him otherwise healthy.

“Do your joints feel better now?” Rocky asks from Ryland’s side.

“Oh, fantastic, Rocky,” Ryland replies.

“Good good good. I will request use of the elevator more often, then.”

“It’s really fine, bud. I do okay most days.”

“Adrian designed this elevator just for you, Grace. It would be a shame not to use it.”

“You’re right, you’re right.”

Adrian had designed this part of the Eridian space elevator just for Ryland’s use. He doesn’t have to use his xenonite exosuit at all, since it was all his atmosphere. Rocky is wearing his suit instead, keeping Ryland company on the way up. Ryland even has his own section at the top with his own atmosphere inside. The Eridians really have been so accommodating to him. It is something that is profound to Ryland even years later.

The elevator slowly comes to a halt. Ryland takes a step and feels like he is floating. There is still some gravity, but it’s barely anything this high up in Erid’s atmosphere. Both he and Rocky almost float out of the elevator and into the observation room at the top.

Ryland loves coming up here. The Eridians had been kind enough to construct his part almost completely of the clear xenonite, allowing him unobstructed views of the brilliant planet below him.

“Wow,” Ryland says in awe as he makes his way to one of the xenonite walls.

“You say that every time you come up here,” Rocky laughs.

“That’s because your planet is beautiful, Rocky.”

“Our planet, Grace.”

“You’re right. Our planet,” Ryland says, smiling. He loves his home here.

This life here on Erid… Even in his wildest dreams growing up, he never could have imagined that this is where he would end up. But he loves his life here on Erid. He is a teacher, and working with all the Eridian kids fills him with pure joy and purpose. He loves teaching, and he can’t believe he gets to do just that on an alien planet.

He has a lovely home, carefully made for him by his mates. And yeah, he has mates. Rocky and Adrian are wonderful, and Ryland loves them so much. They invited him into their lives, and they are everything that Ryland ever could have wanted in partners for life. They all love science, and they work on projects together. They watch each other sleep, they banter, and they don’t expect anything from each other besides love and companionship.

Ryland loves them so much.

They even have a kid of their own now! Rocky and Adrian finally laid their eggs together, and one was able to fertilize. Most Eridians were born in clusters of three to five, but Rocky, it turns out, had some fertility issues linked to radiation after all his time spent in space. Just one of his eggs had been viable, but it had been enough.

Their child was given a name that, in Eridian, translates to “child of two peoples and the stars.” Ryland gave their child the human name “Mary,” after the ship that carried their parents back home.

It is a perfect life. Ryland loves living on Erid with Rocky and Adrian and Mary. He loves teaching all his kids. He has no regrets for how his life turned out.

Well… Almost no regrets. There was just one thing that still weighs on Ryland’s mind, and that is why he has come up to the observation room that day.

He has a decision to make.

“Rocky, do you remember what you told me all those years ago? When we first came back to Erid?” Ryland asks as he moves away from the walls facing Erid, and instead turns to the side that faces the vastness of space.

“My memory is better than yours, so of course. What instance are you talking about?” Rocky wonders, following after Ryland.

“When you offered… to refuel the Hail Mary for a journey back to Earth,” Ryland whispers. He looks out into the stars.

He looks out into the space that separates him from Colt.

“Do you want to go back to Earth?” Rocky asks, his voice also dropping a little.

“I… I’ve been thinking about it,” Ryland admits. “I don’t necessarily want to go back. But… There are things and people I left behind with no closure. I’m getting older, and I think I really want that closure now.”

“So you want to return to Earth?” Rocky asks again, his tone light and understanding, while still retaining a mournful resonance.

“Yes,” Ryland answers truthfully, “but not to stay. I just… I need to see someone, if I can.”

“Your brother. Colton Grace.”

“Yes. I need to see Colt,” Ryland whispers. “He’s so much older than me, if he’s survived this long. And I… I want to see him, before…”

“I understand. I will tell the others to start fueling the Hail Mary,” Rocky said. “But we will have to make more fuel tanks if you want to come back, too.”

“Actually, I was thinking maybe you and Adrian and Mary would come with me?” Ryland wonders hopefully.

“What do you mean?” Rocky asks.

“Well, since we now have proof that the Beetles made it to Earth and they were able to save the sun, that means they now also know that you and the others exist here on Erid. Humanity will be curious about the life they now know they share here in our universe.

“So I had the idea… What if we build a bigger ship and travel with an entire delegation to Earth? You and I, the first human and Eridian to meet, traveling together to kickstart a scientific exchange that will span over entire star systems. Maybe we could even bring back a team of humans when we come back to Erid, start off a cultural and scientific exchange between our planets. It could be the start of something truly fantastic.”

“That would be really fucking cool,” Rocky agrees.

“Language,” Ryland scolds playfully. “I can’t believe how often you were swearing when we first met and I didn’t even know. I also can’t believe you looked up all our swear words and translated them yourself, you heathen.”

“You should swear more. It’s relaxing,” laughs Rocky. But then he sobers up quickly. “You don’t want to stay on Earth once we get there?”

Ryland sighs and looks back out into the stars, his eyes finding the faint dot that he knows is Sol off in the distance.

It will take them some time to build a new ship, if this plan goes forward, and then at least sixteen light years to travel to Earth. Colt will probably be in his nineties by the time he gets there, if he’s even still alive in the first place.

But Ryland has to try. He wants so badly to see his brother again, even if it is only for a short while.

“I just want to see Colt, Rocky,” Ryland whispers. “I want to make sure he had a good life, that he was happy, and that my home planet continues to live on and thrive. But after that… Erid is my home now. You and Adrian are my home. I want to travel back to Earth and say ‘goodbye’ properly, since I was never given the chance before, and then I want to come home with you and live the rest of my life here. If that’s okay?”

“Yes, is okay. Is good good good,” Rocky exclaims, his delight so strong he reverts right back into their old Hail Mary pidgin.

“Amaze amaze amaze,” Ryland laughs. He hugs Rocky tightly, feeling stronger than he has in a while.

Then he looks back out towards Sol and Earth.

I’m coming back, Colt, he thinks to himself. Just hang on for me. I’m coming back for you.