Chapter Text
"It's gonna be a long shift" was the first thought in Mel's head as she started another day at the Pitt. Last night at the bar had been fun, but she kinda hated herself for drinking that much. She went with the flow but now she had an headache and her stomach felt like it was on a rollercoaster. Trying to check on everyone from last night who were on shift today, she felt less guilty seeing that she wasn't the only one looking like she was hit by a bus. The only person she hadn't seen before the morning rounds was Dr.Langdon. She knew he was here but didn't feel like facing him yet. She felt a bit ashamed on how she acted the previous night. Mel had always been very touchy when she drank, and last night Frank had been her fall guy. She knows nothing inappropriate happened but he was a married man (and she maybe had a "small" work crush on him), so she felt guilty.
During rounds, multiple people came to her to see if she was okay. She must really look rough and honestly, if she looked as well as she felt, it must be a scary sight. She was about to go into a patient room when her eyes crossed Langdon's. He must have noticed what everyone else saw because he had that concerned look he often wore on complicated cases. She could see he was about to come over but she had to keep going. She tries to focus and enter the patient room, ignoring everything about Frank Langdon for the time being.
The patient, a young woman who had a pretty strong allergic reaction to some skincare products she found online, had been nothing but cooperative. Mel ordered some tests, prescribed some medication and hoped that all of her patient for the day would be that easy. She, of course, knew to keep that in her mind though. She might not really be superstitious but she wasn't the one to tempt fate either.
Once she was done, she got back to the hub. She was trying to update the chart for her patient to avoid having to stay too late, but she suddenly felt an overwhelming sensation. She thought, at first, that it was because of her hungover, it was harder to stay calm when your body was weaker, but after looking around, it wasn't that. People were watching her, whispering. She knew The Pitt thrived on gossip, it was one of the way people coped with the horrors they witnessed everyday, but most time she wasn't really aware of them. She heard some pieces here and there but never really got into it. But it felt different this time, she was the one the gossip was about, they were looking at HER.
She knew how to confirm her suspicion so she looked across the room, trying not to think about how many people she could see watching her, until she spot her. Dr Violet Parks, queen of gossip, knows everything that happens to everyone here. She was on a computer nearby and Mel tries to nonchalantly rush by her side. Not sure if it was successful.
Just by looking at Violet's face, she knew she was right. Violet was smiling at her, but she could see the awkwardness behind it, she was never good at hiding how she felt ever since college. Even Mel could read her easily despite her struggles with that kind of thing.
"Hey Lils, are you feeling better ? Did you take something for your headache ?"
"Vi, what's going on ? I know you know everything that happens here, even though you've only been here for a week"
"Come on Dr.King, you never been one to like gossip, it's nothing you have to worry about …"
Mel could see the forced smile on her face and any other day she would have laughed and let go, but not today. Her headache was killing her patience and she was starting to be pissed off.
"I would like to know, Dr Parks" she accentuates before she softens "I can see everyone looking at me and whispering, its overwhelming. I already feel like shit today and i just want to focus on work but i can't do that when every one of our coworkers is looking at me like that"
Violet dropped the fake smile in an exhale. She was playing with her phone in her hands, clearly hesitating to tell her something. Mel nudged her with a small please which seem to convince her. She opens her phone to something and presses it to her chest before Mel could look.
"You will learn about it anyway so it's best that it comes from me…But you have to promise to talk to me if it feels too much. I know how you can get and I don't want you to lock yourself in your shell, okay ?"
Mel looked in her eyes, now really getting worried about what it could be. "Promise" she answered.
Violet gives her the phone, opened on a photo. It was taken last night, at the bar they went from what she gathered. In the middle of it was her, in Frank's arms , seated in the booth. She knew she had gotten cosy last night but didn't realize it was that much. She was fully pressed against him, his arm around her shoulder, his hand seemingly drawing circles on her back. She was looking at him smiling, their faces only a few inches apart. They looked like they were about to kiss. She wanted to be horrified but she couldn't help the feeling of the butterflies in her stomach. How he was holding her, smiling at her, looking at her… She was hypnotized. She must have been quiet a bit too long because she could hear a small chuckle from Violet. She looked at her with big eyes.
"I don't know if you're shocked or turned on right know" she laughed "you two look really good together, you should make it your lock screen." Mel slapped her gently on the arm and she got serious again "Okay sorry, let's back up. First of all, are you okay ?"
"I'm oka … who saw it ?" She knew a lot of people must have seen it from the amount of looks she's gotten but she had to ask.
"We all received it, but we don't know who sent it … and I don't remember anyone else from the hospital at the bar last night. But like you said, I've been here for like a week so I might have missed someone…"
"Shit okay… of course this day is gonna get worse! Well, the one good thing about gossip here is that it doesn't last long right? Tomorrow all will be forgotten !" she tried to sound convincing but it felt flat even to her.
"Of course sweetie, don't worry ! Most people know you, they know you wouldn't do that kind of thing, it will be ancient history soon …"
Something felt off. She looked at Violet who was trying very hard to not look at her.
"Vi ? Is there something else ? What's going on really ?"
"The picture didn't came alone. There was a text with it. It was like a caption : "Dr.Frank Langdon might be sober but groping his student in public while being married is not really better" - It's so stupid ! Who do they think they are ? Gossip Girl ?"
"Oh god, did they really say groping ? What the fuck !? No surprise everybody is looking at me that way, they think I'm a homewrecker ! Nothing ever happened with Langdon for fuck sacks …"
"Not that you wouldn't want to" Violet eyed her maliciously "You would definitely climb that tree if you could with how fired up you were last night afterwards."
"Vi ! Now's not the time, you are not helping !!" Mel bit her lips "and I wasn't that bad come on !!"
"Girl ! You jumped my bone as soon as he left, just to get him out of your system !" Mel gave her a look and she put her hands up "not that I'm complaining! It was very fun and I'm here for that anytime"
Mel blushed. She was about to throw her a come back when she got called from across the bay. Suddenly, reality came back crashing. Talking with Violet, even tho she was teasing her, had felt familiar. She knew Violet wasn't judging her and felt safe in their little bubble. But now, having to go back to the real world, she felt like the main exhibit in a zoo. Her hungover was really making it worse, she was sick and emotionally overwhelmed, which wasn't the greatest combo. But she was no longer in high school, she had to go back to work. She was a professional.
Well maybe not fully because when Langdon called her to jump on an awesome case with him, she pretended she had to teach the new medical students on some routine procedures. Of course an intense case would have taken her mind off everything, off that pic. But she didn't want to fill the rumor mill … and she wasn't ready to face Langdon either. She felt guilty, she knows he was trying to stay away from rumors, already having to deal with them after his rehab. Plus, she wasn't fully over the flush that came over her body looking at the picture. The memories of his body against hers, mixing with the uneasiness and anxiety of today, made her wanting to hide and never come out again.
Taking the interns under her wings today had seemed like a smart idea at first. She didn't really feel like working with anyone but it's not how it works here. And she hoped that since they arrived barely a week ago, they wouldn't be in the gossip train yet. She was wrong …
Their new patient was a 40 year-old man, who seemed to have broken both his ankles, jumping from the window of the woman he had an affair with when her husband came home. She approached the case like she would any other, not caring how they got hurt but how she could help them. That's what she was good at. Caring for her patients made her wake up everyday. She wanted to help people and for a moment it was enough to forget about everything that was going on. That was short lived.
The man had started to talk as to justify why he had done it, why he would be a homewrecker and Mel could see the medical students whispering, laughing, while looking at her. She felt like the weird girl in high school all over again. It was too much !
She finishes up quickly with the patient and speeds out of the room. She needed to find a quiet place to breathe, to process, to stop the daggers in her head. She didn't focus on anything, just walking somewhere, anywhere, letting her body taking control. Her mind was a mess. She was vaguely aware of people calling her name but she didn't care, she needed to get out. She was starting to see her exit when she bumps into someone. Langdon, of course.
She looked up at him, trying to apologize but no words were coming out. She could see his eyebrows furrowed, his eyes trying to make contact with hers. He was worried and it only made everything worse. She looked around to see everyone watching them, before looking back at him. She couldn't breathe or think. Everything was too much, until she felt a hand on her arm. Frank's hand. She usually would have jolted at the touch, like needle piercing her skin. But it was so gentle it made her feel more grounded for a few seconds. He was guiding her inside the break room, closing the door behind them.
The quietness of the room made her able to take a breath but she still couldn't calm herself down enough to speak. Mel had always struggled with this helpless overwhelming feeling that would drown her and make it impossible to come up for air. They have been happening ever since she was a child, she would sometimes "loose control" of herself, as some adults would say. It was nothing next to Becca's tantrums of course. Even tho they were often happening at the same time from similar triggers. No one was really worried about her in that way. Because when you have a kid that screams and one that just keep quiet, you would go help the most "urgent" one. At least, that's what Mel always told herself. Since then, she had develop some methods to help soothes herself. Like noises cancelling headphones, her lava lamp app or fiddling with her hands, trying to put pressure where she knew it worked, like right now. After a bit, she seemed to realize that Frank had stayed, his hand still on her arm, not saying anything. She dares to look at him and he immediately finds her eyes. She can see that he didn't really know what to do.
"Mel, are you okay ? What happened ?" He was stroking her arm and had such a soft voice that she couldn't help but melt.
Gosh why did she need to have a crush on him ? It just made everything harder. Seeing him like that, looking at her, worrying about her, she couldn't contain the tears coming out. She could see him getting closer but stopping before he could hug her. She felt a twist in her stomach.
"I'm sorry …" her throat was dry "Today has just been so much and i don't want to bother you with it. My head is killing me and there's … "she looks at him and can't bring herself to broach the topic that was really bothering her. Maybe he wasn't aware of it and she didn't want to put that on him, he didn't need more rumors. "It's nothing, don't worry. I'll be okay"
She tries to smile but it came out a bit crooked. He hadn't moved and his eyes were studying her, trying to read into her. She could see that he didn't believe her. She suddenly couldn't look at him anymore and was looking around the room to find anything she could put her attention on instead. She can feel a squeeze on her arm where his hand still was and she forced herself to turn her head to him again.
"Did something happen ? Did someone … said something to you ?I wanted to come and see you earlier but you seemed busy, i didn't want to bother you."
He knows then. The tears came back in full force and she can't help but tell him everything that happened since the beginning of shift. The looks, the comments, everything comes spilling out of her and she can't stop. Mel, usually, would have never allowed herself to breakdown like this in front of anyone, but it was different with Langdon. All her walls were down.
"…And I'm so sorry, i shouldn't have put you in this situation. I drank too much last night and got clingy and made you uncomfortable and now there are rumors and you don't need more fucking rumors. I hate gossip, always did and i didn't know it could get worse but now we are the center of attention and it is really is worse. Plus you're married and we are coworkers and it's inappropriate and people are talking and i really am so so sorry…" She couldn't stop, all of her emotions coming out at once.
"Mel, sweetheart, please stop, it's okay" His voice was soft and calm, he was looking at her with a small smile and it stopped her rambling.
She was mesmerized, and maybe also confused by his calmness. She had ruined his reputation so why was he so serene right now. She started to feel shy again, embarrassed by this overwhelming display of emotions. She felt his other hand on her face, cradling her jaw so she looked at him again.
"Melissa King, you didn't put me into any kind of situation or have ever made me uncomfortable. I'm a big guy, i would have said something if you ever made me feel like that, nor that i think you ever could. I had a great time at the bar last night, i was exactly where i wanted to be. Also you are a great hugger so ... I honestly was scared i made YOU uneasy and that's why you were avoiding me this morning" A bit of sadness crossed his face for a second.
Mel didn't really know what to say.
"You think I'm a great hugger ?"
"Well yes …" he blushed a little "I'm here anytime if you need one by the way. I noticed you don't really do physical contact so i won't initiate it but i would truly be happy to hug you whenever you need. And i don't care who could see or …"
He didn't have time to finish his sentence that she wraps herself around him, burying her face against his chest.
"Thank you …"
He circles his arms around her, holding her closer, his head resting on top of hers. She didn't know how long they stayed like that, and she didn't really care. The pressure of his body against hers was calming her nervous system and she allowed herself a few minutes of peace of mind. Away from all the drama, in a world where it was just them, where he wasn't married, where it would just be a normal everyday thing.
After what seems like an eternity but also just a few seconds, they hear the break room door open and they jump apart. They both looked like deer in headlight.
"Easy lovebirds, its just me" Violet said in a laugh "I heard some chatter coming from the medical students and i wanted to check on you Mel. Something happened with your patient ? "
"Oh right that!" Mel sighed
Frank turned to her with a worried look on his face "What happened with your patient ? Did he do something ?"
"No no, he was fine it's just the interns … The man broke his ankles trying to avoid the husband of his mistress and they made some comments that i didn't even hear. But it felt like they were laughing at me and i was already overwhelmed by today so it didn't help. Any other day, it wouldn't have affected me that much"
She saw the worry change into anger on Langdon's face.
"Who was it ? I think we have a disimpaction somewhere they could handle…" Mel looked at him with a serious expression "I won't do it but it's not fair. I can handle a few rumors but nobody should bother you with this ! You haven't done anything wrong and I'm the one who's married for christ sakes !"
"Dr Langdon is just discovering power imbalances and misogyny" Violet laughs "You are a senior resident of course nobody is gonna comment to you on it. It is way more fun for them to torment the "mistress". Even if everyone knows it's not Mel's type."
Langdon had his head in his hands, his wedding band shining in plain sight. Mel had shuddered at the word "mistress" and the sickness that had subsided came back up for a moment. Violet must have noticed because she continues.
"Sorry Lils, I'm just using their words. Also, whoever took that picture at the bar chose to ignore the other questionable pairings from last night, so it kinda seems targeted."
"Is there anything we can do so that they stop harassing Mel ?" sighed Frank and Violet turned to Mel.
"Well we could tell what you were actually doing last night to prove you weren't doing Dr. Langdon, but i don't think it would help that much with rumors." Violet smirked
"Yeah no i don't want any more rumors about my sex life thank you !" Mel tried to look annoyed but couldn't help but laugh a little with Violet
She hears Langdon choke a bit, watching them both confused with his eyes wide open but he doesn't comment on it.
"Anyway, don't worry i will work my magic a bit. I'm sure Trinity will help me too, she's took the medical students with her after hearing the story and i don't think they are having a good time" she giggled.
"I know about your super powers, I trust you. I …"
"Fuck !" Frank suddenly says while watching his phone."I need to take this but …" He turns to face Mel, his eyes locking into hers. "I need to go but are you okay ?"
She just nodded, a bit shy from his gaze on her. His hand found its way back on her cheek.
"Come find me if there is anything ! and please take some medicine for your head and don't overwork yourself today"
Before she could answer, he ran off the room and she was left with Violet who was smiling ears to ears.
"Oh gosh, you are soooo whipped, you're screwed" Violet laughed.
"Shut up ! I know …" she buried her head in her hands.
"Are you gonna be okay though ? Going back out there ?" Mel could see how worried her friend was.
"Yeah … I'm just gonna focus on work and hope the rest of the shift goes by fast"
Violet takes out some tissues that she wets at the sink before coming to face Mel. She puts up her glasses and clean up a bit around her eyes. Mel had decided to wear mascara today to try and look more alive than she felt but it must be a mess now.
"You're the strongest, you're the baddest and nobody can't take that away from you. Knock them dead ! " There was a hint of softness in Violet's voice. She kissed her cheek where Frank's hand previously was and left the room.
Now all alone in the break room, Mel takes a few deep breaths and goes back to work. She is just following the flow, going where she is needed, avoiding any unnecessary interactions with anyone. Whatever plan Violet and Trinity made seemed to have worked because after a bit the looks stopped. She could breathe a bit again. Physically, it was another story. She knows its been long since she last drank but she didn't remember it being like this. She was supposed to feel progressively better right ? Her head feeling like a needle cushion and her stomach doing loops made it hard to concentrate. She had to ask people sometimes to repeat what they said because her brain just couldn't compute. She gets called onto an incoming trauma by Dana but she didn't feel up to the task. She asks Dana if anyone else was available and she could see that the charge nurse was about to object before she took a good look at Mel and retracted.
"Sure honey ! You look terrible please just have a seat" she moved her onto a stool at the nurse station and went back to give people their orders "Where the hell is Langdon ? Can anyone get on this trauma ASAP!"
"Don't worry Dana i got it" said Mohan rushing to Trauma 1.
Once everyone was where they should be, the charge nurse turned to her.
"Have you eaten today ? You look pale"
"My stomach doesn't feel that great and i got distracted…" Mel felt like a kid under Dana's disapproving look. She knows how important it is for her to eat and stay hydrated especially with their work. She usually has a routine of moments where she forces herself to take a 5 minutes break but today has thrown everything out of the window.
"Here, eat this, it should make you feel better. We will see how you feel after okay ?" said Dana while giving her one of the sandwiches usually meant for patients. Mel just nodded. Everyone goes back to work while she forced herself to fill her weak stomach.
As she was finishing her sandwich, Robby came out of the trauma room and came to her with a heavy pace. She immediately got to her feet, pushing down the dizziness of getting up too quickly.
"Dr.King ! Care to explain why Dana had to ask for three different people to take on this trauma ?"
"I'm sorry, i wasn't feeling well and -" He cuts her off.
"When you come to work, you have responsibilities toward your patient AND your coworkers !"
"I know sir, it won't happen aga-" her voice was small, the headache coming back full force. She felt dizzy again. She thinks she sees Langdon coming back from the ambulance bay.
"I don't care what you do in your spare time but it should not affect your work ! " He looked around the room "You are adults, doctors, not fucking teenagers ! If you decide to get drunk the night before a shift, i expect you to know your limits and be on top of it for work !"
He was looking at her during that last sentence. They were in the middle of the ER, everybody was watching them. She felt like a kid getting patronize. Her face felt hot, her brain couldn't think anymore. She could see Langdon getting closer, anger on his face, about to confront Robby. She knew it wouldn't help though.
She thought this day couldn't get any worse, but apparently life had decided otherwise. Before Langdon could reach Robby, little dark spots entered her vision. She barely has time to register what was happening before everything went dark.