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"Now all we're waiting for is for Samu and Suna to get together!"
Osamu laughed, then stopped, then laughed again, then shook his head as if to jostle his thoughts into order and said, "What?"
Atsumu's hair was plastered to his forehead from sweat, and he was clearly drunk, if how he was leaning on Sakusa was any indication. (Although Osamu was sure that even if he were stone cold sober, he would still be leaning on Sakusa. He was disgusting about his newfound relationship with the man, after so long pining after him. Motoya had told Osamu that Sakusa had spent just as long pining after Atsumu in turn.) He had to close one eye to focus on Osamu, and grinned, but Osamu wasn't sure whether the smile was in response to the question, or just a smile.
Everyone else at the party (at least, everyone who knew Osamu and Suna) seemed to think it was funny. They gave it an appropriate amount of laughter before moving on.
But Osamu couldn't move on, because those thirteen words kept spiraling in his mind, over and over. His fingers tightened around his cup, and he wished he hadn't drunk so much, because he couldn't think properly about what Atsumu said, about what he meant. As it was, the music was too loud and his head was pounding too much to even be sure Atsumu was joking.
After a while, he dared to glance at Suna. He knew that Suna had heard the joke, he remembered Suna's awkward hum in response, but now he was talking to Aran and Kita, who were sitting so close to each other on the ground that Osamu was fairly certain Kita was in Aran's lap.
He took a deep breath and looked away from Aran and Kita, and his gaze landed on Atsumu and Sakusa (making out, again) for only a moment before he turned away from them, too.
Ginjima was around somewhere, and Osamu wandered through the unfamiliar living room for a few seconds before remembering that Ginjima had conspicuously ducked out with his girlfriend half an hour ago.
Who else was there? Motoya? Osamu wasn't sure of the last time he saw Motoya. There were some of Sakusa's teammates (of course- it was Sakusa's house, after all), but Osamu was too nervous to talk to any of them. He recognized the freak duo from Karasuno (who invited them?) but he wasn't sure that they would even notice if he tried to talk to them, so wrapped up were they in each other.
Everywhere he looked, people were paired up, in couples, in love.
He felt a hand on his elbow and jumped, and Suna came around to stand in front of him. "I didn't mean to scare you," he said, teasing, but his eyes were narrowed and calculating.
Osamu swallowed. "You didn't," he said.
Suna didn't seem to believe that (it wasn't true, after all), but he let it go. "You sort of ran away from us a minute ago."
"Did I?"
"You did."
"I was looking for the snack table."
"There it is."
"Ah. Thank you." As if Osamu hadn't known where the snack table was. It was the first thing he clocked when he walked in the doors.
Not willing to give up the charade, he beelined towards the snack table, and examined the same selection that had been there for the past two hours. The main attraction of the table was the beer, with some lame party snacks scattered on either side of that. Most of it was unimpressive, but the sushi was great, so Osamu scooped up another one of those. (The plate of sushi was half gone, and Osamu was pretty sure that he was the only one eating them.)
He realized that Suna was still hovering over his shoulder, and any peace of mind that staring at food had given him was gone at once.
"You reacted pretty strongly to that comment," Suna said.
Comment, was what he called it. Not a joke, but a comment.
Osamu played dumb. "What comment?"
Undaunted, Suna said, "The one about how you and I should get together."
Osamu put the sushi in his mouth to delay the conversation, but Suna took it as an invitation to keep talking.
"We're the only ones on the team who aren't with anyone. Besides the first years, but they're basically children. That's why he was saying it; you get that, right?"
With his mouth full, he mumbled, "Of course I get that. He's my twin, I know what he means when he says things." God, how he wished that were true.
After a pause, in which Osamu stared at the snacks with a single-minded focus on not meeting his friend's eyes, Suna said, "All I mean to say is that no one's going to force us to get together, or whatever."
"Why would anyone do that?"
"I'm just saying. You seem pretty uncomfortable with the idea."
Osamu rolled his shoulders backward to ease the tension in his back. "It's- it's not you," he said.
Suna raised his eyebrows. "I didn't think it was."
He exhaled. "Good."
The two of them started to drift back towards the living room where most of their friends were, but when Suna took a detour to go outside onto the porch, Osamu followed him.
It was quieter on the porch, with the music muffled, and the cool air helped to clear Osamu's mind somewhat. There was a couple kissing gently in the corner, which somehow seemed more intimate than if they were just making out, but Suna ignored them so Osamu did, too.
"The thing I don't get," Suna said, "is why it bothered you so much."
Osamu wrapped his fingers around the railing and leaned forward, looking out into the huge backyard. If he didn't know Atsumu so well, he would think him a gold-digger. The Sakusa family certainly wasn't struggling in any way.
Suna seemed to realize that Osamu wasn't going to respond. He continued, "It obviously wasn't going to put our friendship into question. No stupid joke Atsumu makes could do that. So what is it?"
Apparently, alcohol made Suna nicer. And apparently it made Osamu more honest, because he didn't try to evade the question, as he usually would.
"I'm not interested in dating."
"I know," Suna said. "We already said we don't want to date."
Osamu closed his eyes and shook his head. "No. I'm not interesting in dating. Period. I don't want to be with anyone, ever. Not like everyone else does."
Suna was silent for a long moment, processing this. A gust of wind made Osamu shiver, and he wished Atsumu were here, because he knew for a fact that Atsumu had a hoodie wrapped around his waist, and he was pretty sure it was Osamu's hoodie, and even if it wasn't he would steal it, and it was just so cold.
"And it bothers you that Atsumu thinks you do."
"No. Well, yes. It's just-" Osamu rubbed his arms, and opened his eyes so he could glare at the ground. "For a long time, I thought he was like this, too. He didn't seem interested in any girls, and I figured, if anyone understood, it would be him. I thought- God, this is stupid- I thought we wouldn't need any lovers as long as we had each other."
"So you do care about him after all."
Suna was joking, of course he was joking, but maybe the alcohol was making Osamu moody, because none of the jokes seemed funny to him tonight.
"Obviously, I was wrong," he said.
Suna sighed, like he knew he said the wrong thing but didn't know how to make it right.
Osamu turned back towards the door, and searched through the glass for his brother, but when he found him with Sakusa's arm around his waist, laughing at something his boyfriend said, Osamu returned to Suna's side.
"Have you told him?"
Osamu glanced at Suna. "What?"
"Have you told him, you know, that you don't want to date?"
He picked at the paint on the railing, which wasn't as satisfying as it was back on his own porch, where the paint job was shoddy and easy to peel. "No." He had a feeling that Suna expected that answer.
Suna leaned forward, trying to catch Osamu's gaze, even as Osamu avoided eye contact. "Then how do you expect him to know?"
"I don't know! Because we always know about each other!"
"Did you know he was gay before he told you?"
Osamu opened and closed his mouth a few times. No, he hadn't known, because he'd thought Atsumu wasn't interested in anybody. Like himself. (The first thing he'd said when Atsumu came out to him was "Are you sure?" which made Atsumu cry, and Osamu was starting to understand how he felt.)
"There you have it," Suna said. "The solution to all of your problems."
"It's infuriating when you have actual, helpful advice."
"Anytime." Suna put his chin in his hands and tilted his head, looking at Osamu, and this time, Osamu looked back. "You know," Suna said, "even you two sometimes forget that you're different people."
This was a ridiculous thing to say, mostly because it was right. In elementary school, Atsumu and Osamu tried to spend a day pretending to be each other, but didn't change any of their behaviors, and were downright shocked when they got caught. Even now, after years of actively trying to differentiate themselves from each other, they still expected to be more similar than not.
("Don't you have anything to tell me, now?" Atsumu had said, after he was done coming out and crying, and when Osamu just shrugged, it was his turn to ask, "Are you sure?" As if he couldn't comprehend a world where Osamu didn't share the same struggles he did.)
"And for what it's worth," Suna said, "I know you two grew up under a rock in this regard- it took Atsumu a whole year to figure out there were identities beyond 'gay,' 'straight,' and 'lesbian'- but I promise, there are other people who will understand, even if Atsumu doesn't. Just… if you want resources or whatever, ask."
"We should get you drunk more often," Osamu said. "I can't remember the last time you were this nice."
"And it won't ever happen again, so cherish it."
Osamu smiled, and the knot in his chest loosened at the familiar banter. Maybe Atsumu was wrong about the nature of their relationship, but that didn't change how close they were, and Osamu had almost forgotten that he could always rely on his best friend.
(And, he hoped, he could always rely on his twin; if not to understand, then at least to support.)