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Is this what it's like to abstract?
As Ragatha's digital body twitched and shuddered, she could still vaguely see the short jester in the hallway ahead of her. She crawled over.
"Hey, Pomni?" Or, that's what she tried to say. Her voice glitched along with her body, and she prayed that new girl would understand well enough. "Do you think you could perhaps help me out here? I understand if you don't want to, though."
She lifted her hand. The digital fabric trembled.
It was hard to see Pomni's movement, with the way Ragatha's world vibrated. But suddenly a stable red hand grasped her own. Yes, she would help-!
Pomni gasped and jerked her hand away. She clutched it to her chest for a moment before turning and... oh. She ran away. Vaguely, she could hear her shouting "sorry" from down the hallway. Well, that was nice of her, at least. Ragatha could appreciate an apology. She considered calling back to let Pomni know it was okay, but the towering abstract behind her hissed.
Kaufmo ran forward. As his abstracted form contacted with Ragatha again, hers blipped in multiple directions. Pain wrapped its way around her and she could only make fragmented gasps as the abstract tore away. Kaufmo's distorted voice wailed.
Ŏ̸̧͙̥̦͓̰̝͈͛ͯ̇̋W̸͙̬ͤ͂͊̓̌
-was the only thought her mind could muster as a migraine spread throughout her whole body. Strange pressures leaped from her insides to her outsides. She gasped, the breath catching with each blip. In. Out. As she breathed, it occurred to her that the crying voice had faded.
Oh. Was… Kaufmo gone?
It took two tries, but she managed to lift her head long enough to confirm an empty hallway. She was alone. Better to be alone than alone with a monster. The thought was habitual, but guilt at calling Kaufmo such a thing still wormed down her back.
Ragatha stretched out a shuddering arm and began pulling herself toward the wall. Her body shook and flinched, snapping together and up and down andleftrightupinout. Suck it up, she thought at herself, even as her breath hitched in pain. Her real form had gone through worse, and this pain was just… digital!
"Hello? Ragatha? That was your name, right?"
Relief poured over her. "Over here!" Her voice distorted more than before, but as Pomni approached, Ragatha did her darnedest to not mind. Really, the pain wasn't so bad. At least she had been hurt, not Pomni, and maybe now they could bond over this silly experience!
"Hey, look, I'm…" said a tentative voice, and Ragatha blinked in surprise that the jester was already in front of her. "I didn't mean to leave you behind like that. I… just…" Pomni sighed and extended something red. "Look at my hand!" Ragatha squinted at it, her brain too frazzled to tell which limbs were still and which flickered as much as her own body. "I- I didn't know what to do!"
The anxiety in Pomni's voice gave Ragatha a sense of something real, as if the wall behind her head became solid. She found herself smiling, though controlling her face was harder than she'd expected.
"It's okay!" She tried to pump her left arm encouragingly. "What you need to do right now is find Caine. He'll be able to fix me up and take care of Kaufmo."
"Okay," said the girl, drawing out the word. "But where can I find him?"
Ragatha shrugged, gaze dropping as she realized the burden she was putting on her. "I don't really know. Just look around and call for him, I suppose." Pomni rambled a reply, her words cluttering Ragatha's ears so quickly she couldn't sort them out. The world around her seemed to shift hues in time with her pounding head.
Pomni pumped her arm, and this familiar movement broke through Ragatha's fog. Oh dear, was Ragatha really relying on the new girl like this? What an awful friend she was being! As the girl turned to leave, Ragatha called out, "also, Pomni?"
She turned around. Ragatha smiled ruefully.
"I'm sorry your first day here had to be so… terrible?"
Pomni stilled. "… uh, yeah, don't worry about it. I'm just… gonna go get Caine." She turned, and her footsteps quickly faded into the glitches that wrecked Ragatha's body.
She pressed her head against the wall, flinching. Better to be alone. Kaufmo must be feeling way worse than she was. That poor clown! Another abstraction… She closed her eyes in resolve. She simply had to work harder, to really be there for the others. At least, once her body stopped vibrating and aching.
Oh, but what kind of request had she given the girl who had just fallen into the circus an hour ago! Was that really fair of her? How scared and confused Pomni must be, with an abstraction prowling around and no one to guide her. Maybe she would run into Zooble? Zooble could help… Ragatha groaned, half from pain and half in her realization. No, Zooble had been pulled apart by Caine's adventure. Maybe Pomni would run into Jax?
Ragatha sat up. She had to help that poor jester before something happened to her.
She pressed her hand on the ground and tried to pull her feet under herself to stand. Instead, her doll limbs rebelled, slipping leftrightleft. She caught herself with an arm. She trembled. Face-planted. Gasped into the floor. Her legs wouldn't obey! Could she even stand up?
She could do this. Pomni needed her. Ragatha always helped. She must help.
Ragatha lifted her head. The hallway swayed. Or maybe she did, or both, or neither. Her digital hands felt less her own than they usually did, but Ragatha pushed them forward anyway. The world shuddered, but her hands found purchase. She pulled. She moved, maybe. Honestly, Ragatha couldn't tell, but her desperation to help propelled her arms, again and again, and as her body blipped back and forth, Ragatha stubbornly repeated the crawling motion.
A female yelp sounded through the circus, which was how Ragatha learned that her eyes were closed. Opening them, she realized she had progressed farther than she'd thought; she was inches back from the balcony. She managed one more pull forward before grasping onto the railing and pulling herself up. The world teetered. She blinked slowly. Focus, focus…
The circus below was a swirl of color. She gripped the railing to her chest, her limp legs still on the ground. Neither Caine or any of the other players were visible on the ground… no, something moved. What was that? She leaned forward until her chin pressed against her hands, too unsteady to do much else. Oh. Kaufmo.
She began to turn away, then saw a smaller figure scurrying around a yellow barrel. Pomni! Oh joy, she was okay! Ragatha lifted an arm to wave at her.
A red rectangle appeared below, feet from Pomni. Though with Ragatha's wavering vision, maybe it had always been there. The jester paused, seeming to glance around, so Ragatha stretched her waving arm higher. Pomni stepped closer to the rectangle, then pushed it open and walked through. The door disappeared.
The next moments in Ragatha's life were a painful blur, mostly because in her hurry to the main floor she had fallen down the stairs. She may have puked at some point. She may have cried. Her world became only throbbing colors and wobbling floors.
Wipe your face! You have nothing to cry about.
She couldn't find the door. She couldn't find Pomni. Caine and the other players were gone. Kaufmo's wailing haunted her, the grief in his distorted voice mixing with her confusion. Where was everyone? Did anyone care that she was still here? Worse, what if they needed help, while she just laid here, limp and useless? Was she letting everyone down?
No one will want you if you don't fix that attitude.
Eventually, the sound of voices, real voices, called her to the center of the circus. Ragatha crawled over, aching, clipping, trembling, her body frayed as thread. Her left arm had given up, after the stair tumble, so she dragged herself along with one hand. She made her way to a blurry, Caine-colored shape. Vaguely, she registered Jax making a snippy comment about Kinger. She would fix that… later.
She intended to ask Caine for help in a dignified way, but all that came out was a stuttering gasp, then an involuntary, desperate, "I am in so much pain!"
"Oop!" cried Caine. He snapped his fingers, and-
Oh, ohh! Oh that was ever so much better. Her brain and body cleared, and she climbed to her feet easily. She breathed and was shocked by the smoothness of it. She stepped towards Pomni.
Oh. Ohh.
Ragatha kept her eyes low as her healed mind caught up with the reality of the day. Oh how embarrassing, for this to be how Pomni would know her. She gripped her wrist. How dreadful, to immediately know how Pomni… Well, anyone would leave. Ragatha had been terrified, when she saw her first abstraction. But to leave someone behind- who did that?
The circus members chattered, making their way to a digital feast laid by Caine. Ragatha followed. She sat on the edge, with Kinger, and she smiled as he told her about an adventure with a mother slug and a bowling ball.
Her thoughts were unfair. She couldn't coddle feelings like this if she wanted to be friends. She must have said something wrong, or looked too unpleasant while glitching. Hadn't Ragatha hurt Pomni's hand? So Pomni's choice was logical. Today had been a disaster, but maybe if Ragatha made the next day a fun one, like normal adventures were supposed to be, then Pomni would come around.
So the next morning, Ragatha rang Pomni's doorbell.
"Hey, Pomni, how'd you sleep?" She glanced around the hallway as if someone would burst out any moment. Was Pomni even awake? Was she just bothering her? "A-are you still sleeping? I'll let you get back to it if you are." Ragatha carefully began to tiptoe away, heart sinking.
Click. Pomni opened the door slightly, half her face visible.
"There she is!" Ragatha pivoted, pasting on her smile. "I know yesterday was a bit of a doozy!"
Pomni mumbled, "a doozy," as she pushed the door open.
Ragatha's shoulders climbed. She looked bothered. Annoyed. Swallowing, Ragatha waved her hand as if she could push away the discomfort that- that Pomni was feeling, like they could start over with enough care and paint. Time to do what she came for.
"Hey, don't worry about the whole abandoning me for the exit thing." Ragatha set her hands on her hips, more confident with each word. This was the right thing to do, after all. "It's perfectly understandable for what you were going through at the time. And there's no hard feelings." She laughed softly, then sealed it with finger guns. "Yer all good!"
Pomni looked up from the floor. "Huh?"
Had- had she heard her? Ragatha's smile faded before hurrying, "well, uh, let's just forget about all that." Breathe. Set the mood. Ragatha stepped back, and Pomni followed, closing the door of her room. As she switched subjects, her natural joy crept back into her voice. "Caine's got a new adventure today, and judging by what he's been teasing, it seems like it's gonna be a fun one!"
Pomni glanced up at her and smiled, slightly.
See? Ragatha could do this. One lovely day at the circus, that's all Pomni needed. Then they would be friends. If Ragatha could just keep enough craziness at bay, Pomni would feel nicer. She would like her. Easy enough. In no time, Pomni would even open up to her, come to her with her problems. Maybe she would join her and Gangle at softball; Ragatha had promised to teach Gangle how to play the other day, and Pomni's avatar would be helpful, since she had individual fingers.
Yep, the world sure was looking brighter! Ragatha grinned as the two stepped into the main circus. Everything would be okay!