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The smell of smoke clunged to the ruins when emergency responders finally recovered the body.
The victim had been trapped inside the burning building when the building collapsed. Severe burns and blunt force trauma made visual identification nearly impossible. Nevertheless, the evidence seemed conclusive.
A doctor glanced at the clock before writing the final entry in the chart.
"Time of death: 3:17 a.m."
Gregory House was declared dead. The news spread through Princeton - Plainsboro by sunrise. Staff whispered in hallways, Phones rang. Colleagues received calls they never expected to get. By the end of the day, everyone was mourning the loss of the hospital's most brilliant and most infuriating doctor.
Everyone except Gregory House.
Sitting several states away in a dingy motel room, House stared at the television report announcing his death. He snorted, reached for a bag of chips, and turned the volume up.
"Well," he muttered to the empty room, "they finally got rid of me."
Nobody knew he was alive. Not the hospital. Not his team. Not even Wilson. Not yet.
3 days later after his "death", a sealed white enveloped slipped under the motels door. "Dr. Gregory House, Memorial service." House scoffed.
"Memorial service? Atleast they got my name right."
He tossed the envelope onto his bed and limped towards it, sitting down heavily on the edge. He had been officially invited to his own funeral. Was it an error? A wrong address? A mistake in the records? Who knew?
He broke the seal and unfolded it .
"YOU ARE INVITED TO ATTEND THE MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR DR. GREGORY HOUSE."
Beneath it, a short paragraph reads: Beloved colleague, brilliant diagnostician, and valued member of our team.
House almost laughed at that last part.
"Beloved? 3 people had loved me. Not the entire hospital."
He read the first two lines stating:
AUGUST 12
10:30 AM-4:50 PM
He widened his eyes.
"10 to 4? 6 hours for my funeral? Who wrote this?"
LISTED SPEAKERS:
DR. JAMES WILSON M.D
DR. LISA CUDDY M.D
DR ROBERT CHASE M.D
DR. JESSICA ADAMS M.D
DR. MARTHA M. MASTERS M.D
He thought to himself. "Wow, long list of speakers." House exhaled sharply through his nose.
"I wasn't even famous when i was alive-" He stared at the paper, eyes narrowing slightly. "Guess i should show up."
It was a late afternoon when he had managed to slip out of the back of the burning building. Smoke still clung to his clothes, his lungs burning with every breath as he limped away before anyone could notice who was missing. In the chaos, it had been easy. Too easy. They pulled out a body.
Thought it was him. The narcissistic, rude, and selfish doctor with the limp had died out there, actually it was the herorin patient who had died.
'It was Gregory House.' atleast thats what they thought.
It wasn't till 3 days later - his funeral. He stared blankly at the invite, his lips twitching slightly. "YOU ARE INVITED TO THE MEMORIAl OF DR. GREGORY HOUSE."
"Ten to four..." He murmured. "Six hours for my funeral, interesting." He pushed himself up from his bed, the envelope still clutched in his hands.
"I guess i should just show up, see what other people think of me." He limped towards his wardrobe, finding for any good disguise that wouldn't expose him. He rumaged through it, spotting a dark suit, slightly wrinkled, white long sleved, top button undoned, a dark tie, and sunglasses. Just incase.
He laid out everything on the bed, studying it like it was some kind of experiment, a disguise, not perfect but hey, it was something and enough to be someone else. Or atleast, maybe not instantly him.
Outside, somewhere in Princeton - plainsbro was preparing to bury a man who was getting dressed to attend his own funeral.
The doors creaked slighty as they opened. A few heads turned behind, then looked away again, assuming it was just a mourner who was late. House stepped in quietly, no cane in sight but his limp still visible. He slipped through the back, late as always but it as technically his funeral, so punctuality felt optional.
House shifted sightly at the back of the room, careful to stay hidden behind a tall mourner, his psychiatrist. The suit itched, the sunglasses felt ridiculous indoors. He kept them on anyways.
Masters went up first on the podium.
"Dr. House was difficult... although that's not a suprise to anyone in this room. She hesitated, her fingers slightly tightening around her notes.
"But he was also... somehow consistent with making fun of people and doing his job." She forced a smile.
"He also gave me the courage to quit."
House smirked at that line.
Next up was Adams.
"Working with Dr. House was like being dropped or sent into chaos and expected to find out the solution right away."
A small uncomfortable pause.
"He didn't treat medicine like a system, he treated it like a challenge that owed him answers."
"And he got me fired, he gave me the guts to get fired." House almost laughed at that part.
House spotted Thirteen, Cameron, Chase, Foreman, Taub, Stacy, His mom, and finally Cuddy next to Wilson, too close and familar.
"Huh." He thought to himself.
Chase was up next.
"House was an ass but it was for good, he wasn't always easy to deal with."
"He was the reason... I became the doctor I am, even though i've been fired or left him."
A pause - longer than professional.
"And sometimes, I hate him for that."
His voice dropped.
"But I would still choose to learn from him again." Chase looked behind, the pale, unrecognisable body in the casket.
The room grew heavier, people didn't shift in their seats anymore. No one spoke for a moment after Chase moved back from the podium. It felt like the room itself was waiting for something it wasn't ready to handle.
After a brief of silence, Wilson stood and made his way towards the podium, together with Cuddy. Which was indeed odd since she had never been this closed to him, especially her boyfriend's bestfriend.
"Gregory House was the most infuriating person i've ever met."
A few people lauged because it was true, and they had felt the same way.
"He was an ass." Everyone stared at Wilson, never expected to hear insults at a funeral.
"He mocked anyone - patients, co-workers, his dwindling friends, anyone who didnt't measure up to his insane ideas of integrity."
"And despite that.... He was my bestfriend."
His voice softened.
"House spent his whole life convincing people he didn't care, maybe that's because caring meant giving people the power to hurt you."
"Goodbye House." He paused and moved aside for Cuddy.
Cuddy approached the podium slowly. For several seconds, she simply stared at the photograph beside the caseket.
"House was impossible." A small smile crept up# on her face.
House moved uncomfortably, his suit itched. He hadn't even worn it since Wilson's last marriage invite. Sunglasses were also incredibly ridiculous indoors but he kept them on anyways.
He was deciding to leave the funeral since he didn't he anything he wold expect his co-workers say. Just ranting about how hard he was, how infuriating, and miserable he was.
"As his boss, I should probably spend this speech listing all the reasons he drove me insane."
A few chuckles rippled across the room.
Wilson stepped closer, once again.
"I wish i'd had the chance to tell him something once again... about me and lisa."
He pointed at her.
"Wilson and I spent weeks arguing about if House would want a memorial service. Someone in the crowd laughed, sounded like Thirteen.
"Wilson said yes, i said absolutely not."
More laughter eroded.
"In the end... My boyfriend won." House's jaw dropped. Literally.
Cuddy looked towards Wilson, the audience didn't react. It felt as if they had recognised without asking.
"Now as all of you know, i'm officially making me and Wilson offical." She smiled.
House could feel his heart racing in his ear, "How?, What? Why?", thoughts filled his head.
"How did i not notice? why after my 'funeral?'" He thought to himself.
"As you all may know" Cuddy announces, "I couldn't find a better man that Wilson" she pointed at him.
Wilson looked down, smiling awkwardly as several people in the audience laughed.
House stared.
No. Absolutely not, there was no way.
His eyes immediately darted around the room, expecting confusion, shock, maybe even outrage.
Instead, everyone looked completely normal.
Foreman looked bored.
Thirteen looked amused.
Taub was already smirking.
Even Chase didn't seem surprised.
"How long has this been going on?" House thought to himself, apparently everyone knew except him.
Cuddy glanced at Wilson before continuing.
"Honestly, we probably should've told House."
"We tried," Wilson replied from beside her.
A few people laughed.
"No," Cuddy corrected. "You tried."
"I left hints."
"You left oncology journals in my office."
"Those were hints.
"
"They were medical journals."
More laughter spread through the room.
House frowned behind his sunglasses.
Wilson folded his arms.
"I genuinely thought he'd figure it out."
The audience laughed harder.
Foreman actually shook his head.
"House once diagnosed a patient's secret gambling addiction because she blinked twice when talking about horses."
"Exactly," Wilson said.
"So how did he miss this?"
Nobody had an answer.
A warm ripple of laughter spread through the room. Wilson looked embarrassed, ducking his head slightly while a few people exchanged knowing glances. House, meanwhile, stared from the back row in complete disbelief.
His eyes moved from Cuddy to Wilson, then around the room, searching for some sign that everyone else was as shocked as he was.
Nobody was.
Not Chase. Not Foreman. Not Thirteen. Not Taub. Not Cameron. Nobody.
If anything, they all looked amused.
The realization hit him slowly and painfully.
They already knew.
Cuddy chuckled. "Honestly, at this point, I think the only person who didn't know was House."
The audience laughed again, louder this time.
House felt his eye twitch.
Wilson rubbed the back of his neck. "In fairness, we genuinely thought he knew."
That only made everyone laugh harder.
Foreman shook his head from his seat. "You thought House didn't notice his own girlfriend dating his best friend?"
"He notices everything else," Wilson replied.
"Exactly," Thirteen said. "That's why nobody bothered explaining it."
House sat frozen behind his sunglasses.
Apparently the entire hospital had assumed Gregory House, legendary diagnostician, master of observation, professional destroyer of secrets, had already figured it out.
Instead, he was finding out at his own funeral.
Cuddy's smile faded slightly as she looked toward the photograph beside the casket. "The truth is, Wilson and I were together long before all of this happened."
A few people nodded.
Nobody seemed surprised.
That somehow made it worse.
House thought back over the last few months. The dinners Wilson had mysteriously cancelled. The times Cuddy had left work early. The private conversations that had stopped the moment he walked into a room.
All the clues suddenly rearranged themselves into a picture that now seemed painfully obvious.
He felt stupid.
A feeling he absolutely hated.
"We never really announced it," Cuddy continued.
"People just figured it out."
"Mostly because they stopped trying to hide it,"
Taub called from the audience.
More laughter followed.
Wilson looked down, smiling despite himself. "We weren't exactly subtle."
"No," Chase agreed. "You really weren't."
House wanted to stand up and ask why nobody had bothered telling him. Then again, judging by the reactions around the room, everyone had apparently assumed he already knew.
For a brief moment, he almost laughed. It was absurd.
He had spent years exposing other people's lies and secrets, only to completely miss something happening right in front of him. The room gradually settled again as Cuddy took a slow breath.
"House would've hated hearing this announced at his memorial service."
A few people smiled.
"He would've interrupted me halfway through the sentence," Wilson added.
"He would've interrupted before you started the sentence," Cameron corrected.
The room laughed once more.
Unfortunately, the joke was on him this time.
And as he sat unnoticed in the back row of his own funeral, Gregory House realized that somehow, impossibly. Everyone in Princeton-Plainsboro had known about Wilson and Cuddy except House himself.
House sat frozen at the back row. Listening to people discuss something he didn't know.
Completely unaware that the man in question was sitting 15 feet away trying very hard to stand up and yell,
"YOU WERE DATING MY GIRLFRIEND AND EVERYONE KNEW EXCEPT ME?!"