Archive of Our Own

Sophia was expecting L.A. to be hotter. Obviously, it's hot but El Paso got hotter. And then after the years she spent in the Midwest where it gets hot and humid, the dry heat of L.A. feels like it's nothing. 

But anyway, her main concern is trying to find her brother. Maybe she should've told him that she was coming so that way someone was actually home when she got here. But then that would ruin the surprise. She does know, however, that Eddie is on his mandatory 48 off after being on for 24. And the reason why she knows that is because Eddie was telling her and Adriana all about a wild call they were on yesterday. 

Looks like she's gonna have to call and surprise him that way. 

“Hey, Soph, now is not really a good time…” Eddie says, sounding slightly out of breath when he picks up the phone. 

“Where are you?” she asks. 

“What? What do you mean where am I?” 

“Well I know you're not home. ‘Cause if you were that would mean you're ignoring me and not letting me in your house,” Sophia says. “Which would be rude as hell.” 

“Wait, are you in L.A.?” Sophia can hear Eddie's voice rising in volume. It was always so easy to rile him up. It's one of her favorite pastimes.

“Got in about two hours ago,” Sophia says. “So, do you have a spare key hidden around here or am I gonna have to wait for you to get back from wherever you and Chris are?” 

“Oh my god,” Eddie groans. Sophia laughs. 

“Hey, what's wrong?” Sophia hears another voice say. It's quiet but whoever it is is clearly close enough to be able to hear. 

“Wait,” Sophia says, a grin forming on her face. “Is that Buck?” 

“Shut up, Soph,” Eddie growls. “Hold on.” 

Sophia hears some scuffling. Eddie is clearly trying to bring his phone away from where she can hear the conversation but she still hears them talk anyway. 

“Sophia is in town apparently,” she hears Eddie say. 

“Oh!” the voice that Sophia is assuming belongs to Buck says. “Theo and I can finish up the trip ourselves if you and Chris want to head out.” 

Who the hell is Theo? Sophia racks her brain for Eddie mentioning a thing named Theo but she’s coming up blank. 

“We haven’t even seen the river otters yet,” Sophia hears a different voice say. It sounds like Chris. Her heart clenches a little thinking about how different he sounds now that he’s knee-deep in puberty. 

“I wanna see the otters!” Sophia hears what is clearly the voice of a small child. Hold on a minute… who is that? Theo?

“Okay, how about this,” Eddie says. “How about Buck takes you two to see the otters while I head home to meet my sister.” 

“Wait, is it tía Sophia or tia Adriana?” Chris asks. “Is that who you’re on the phone with?” 

“Yes, it’s your tía Sophia.” Sophia hears the exasperation in his voice but she’s more focused on how excited Chris sounds. God, she missed that kid. 

“Let me talk to her!” Chris says. Sophia hears her brother say something but doesn’t make it out over the sound of the phone being moved around. 

“Tía!” Sophia hears much more clearly than everything else. “You’re here?” 

“Sure am, buddy.” Sophia grins. “You guys at the zoo right now?”

“Yeah, Theo hasn’t been here yet so Buck and I wanted to show him all the best exhibits,” Chris says. 

Sophia is able to put two and two together, no matter what her siblings may say. Theo must be a kid related to Buck. Maybe another nephew? She didn’t think that was the name of Maddie and Howard’s most recent kid. Plus she was pretty sure that baby was not old enough to talk. She could have sworn they just had the baby’s first birthday. She remembers the pictures Eddie sent of Chris holding the baby. 

So who the hell is that kid? 

“And the otters are the best?” Sophia asks instead of asking about Theo. She’s not going to grill her nephew on that. Her brother on the other hand…

“One of the best,” Chris says. “Did you know that river otters can hold their breath for up to eight minutes?” 

“No, I didn’t know that,” Sophia says with genuine interest. “I’ve only seen them a couple of times when I was out hiking.” 

“No way, you’ve seen them in the wild?” 

“I live around the Great Lakes,” Sophia reminds Chris. “Pretty sure there used to be way more but yeah. They’re cute little things.” 

“Chris,” Sophia hears Eddie say. 

“Who are you talking to, Chris?” Sophia hears the child's voice ask. The child that she assumes is Theo.

“I’m talking to auntie Sophia,” Chris replies. 

“No, you didn’t call her auntie!” Theo says. Sophia laughs a little. “You said tea!” 

“I said, tía,” Chris corrects with a laugh.

“What’s tía?” Theo asks. He even tries to put on a little bit of an accent like how Chris said it. 

“Tía means auntie is Spanish,” Chris explains. 

“Oh, okay,” Sophia hears the kid say, drawing out the “O” in oh. “Are we going to see auntie So-ph-ia?” 

Sophia laughs a little at the kid slowly saying the name like he’s testing it out. 

“Chris, do you want to stay with Theo and Buck and finish out the trip or do you want to see Sophia right away?” Eddie asks.

“Um,” Chris says. Before Chris can give his answer, Sophia hears Theo pipe back up. 

“Stay with me, Chris,” Theo says. Based on the tone, Sophia would say it sounds like Theo is begging a little. 

“Go see the otters,” Sophia tells Chris. “I’m here for two weeks so you’ll see me so much that you’ll get sick of me.” 

“I wouldn’t get sick of you, tía,” Chris laughs. “I’ll see you later then?” 

“You think I would come all the way out here and not see my favorite nephew?” Sophia teases. 

“I’m your only nephew,” is Chris's automatic reply. It’s Sophia’s favorite bit with Chris. 

“Love you, see you in a bit,” Sophia says. “Can you hand the phone back to your dad?” 

“Love you too,” Chris says. She loves that he still doesn’t hesitate to ever say ‘I love you’ back. She had thought that when he became a teenager he might have become too cool to say it. Sophia hears some shuffling before her brother’s exasperated voice becomes clear again. 

“There’s a key underneath the rock next to the aloe plant that’s to the left of the door,” Eddie says. “Let yourself in and I’ll be there soon.” 

Sophia pokes around said aloe plant and finds the key. 

“‘Kay, got it,” Sophia says as she opens up the door. “See you in a bit!” 

Sophia hangs up when Eddie just grunts in confirmation. She laughs a little as she slides her phone back into her pocket. She’ll apologize for springing the visit on him when he gets here. 

While she waits, Sophia decides to look around. She’s never seen the house in person before. She’s just seen bits here and there whenever she’s video calling with Eddie or Chris. Mostly Chris because Eddie is allergic to the camera. 

Or at least, Eddie is allergic to being in front of the camera. Because judging by the amount of pictures Eddie has displayed in his house, he seems to take plenty of them. 

The first one she notices is of a young Chris and Shannon. It looks like a selfie that Shannon had taken when they were at the beach. Sophia’s heart hurts a little seeing it. She regrets every day that she wasn’t able to make it to her funeral. She regrets not being there for her brother and nephew. Sophia didn’t dislike Shannon. At least, not as much as their parents hated her. When they were younger, Sophia thought Shannon was so cool. She played the drums and she never took anyone’s shit and she was so beautiful. Sophia, however, is still mad at Shannon for leaving Chris. She doesn’t care if Eddie defends her by saying that he left first. She’s allowed to hold a bit of a grudge on Eddie’s behalf. 

Still. It doesn’t change the fact that Sophia does miss her. Even if it’s just in a vague sense of missing someone you once looked up to and they disappointed you. 

Sophia’s eyes move over to the next couple of photos that look like they were taken at different parties. They all have the same people in them. In one of them, almost all of them are wearing firefighter uniforms so Sophia assumes most of them are Eddie’s coworkers and their partners. Sophia doesn’t fail to notice, however, that the same man is always standing next to Eddie. She recognizes Buck from Eddie’s very sporadic social media posts and Chris’s more frequent posts. 

Speaking of Buck, he’s in a number of other photos around the house. There’s plenty of Buck and Chris. None of them are selfies, though. Not like the picture of Shannon and Chris. No, most of the photos of Buck and Chris are candids. 

There’s a shot of Chris on Buck’s shoulders in an aquarium. 

There’s a shot of Buck and Chris crowded around some sort of arcade machine. 

There’s a shot of the two of them in the kitchen and Chris is wiping frosting on Buck’s face. 

There are a few more recent looking photos too. There’s one of Chris and a young boy building something out of legos. Sophia wonders if this is who Theo is. He’s a cute little thing. Red checks and curly dirty blond hair and a smile that looks like it takes up his whole face. 

There’s actually a photo of Eddie next to the one of Theo and Chris. It’s a shot of Eddie holding Theo by the waist and lifting him up in the air as Theo attempts to throw a basketball that is way too big for his tiny hands into a basket. 

Sophia runs her hand over it, noting the huge smile on her brother’s face. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen Eddie smile like that a day in her life. Her heart clenches at the thought. She can’t handle looking at the other pictures scattered around the living and dining room. She doesn’t think her heart can take it. 

Sophia makes her way to the kitchen. She’s not exactly sure what she was expecting — but a space that looks as lived in as the rest of the house is a little unexpected. She knows Eddie doesn’t cook. At least, he doesn’t cook all that much. He’s still a better cook than her but she knows that Adriana used to tease him all the time when he first moved down here because he relied solely on microwaved meals and food from abuela and tía Pepa.

There’s a bowl of fresh fruit on the island. It looks like a loaf of freshly baked bread is resting next to it. There’s three coffee mugs and a child’s cup sitting in the sink which makes Sophia raise her eyebrow. But there’s something else that makes Sophia’s jaw drop a little. There’s a small wooden box on the counter that’s filled with index cards. As she takes a peak at them, she realizes that there are family recipes on the cards. They don’t look like they’re written by either  abuela or tía Pepa; they’re definitely not in Eddie’s chicken scratch. Sophia thumbs through them, wondering if the handwriting belongs to who she thinks it does. 

Her eyes travel towards the fridge. There’s a few drawings on there and Chris’s most recent report card that clearly looks like it was printed from his school’s site. But the big, glaring thing on the fridge is the absolutely filled calendar. It notes what day’s both Buck and Eddie are working. It has a couple of Chris’s after school activities. Today is marked with “Zoo trip!” and a little drawing of a bear. Apparently, “dinner @ M & C’s” is the last Tuesday of the month. Finally, two Sundays out of the four Sundays this month are also labeled with “play date” which Sophia finds interesting. She knows for a fact that those aren’t for Chris, so it must be for this Theo. 

Theo. The kid that Sophia assumes is with Buck and Chris right now at the zoo. Theo, who has a cup in the sink; presumably more in the cabinets. Whose drawings are on the fridge. Whose face features in photos that look so utterly domestic that Sophia can’t help but wonder what it all means. 

She knows that Buck is Eddie’s best friend. That’s how he has always described their relationship. Chris called Buck his best friend too. They both talk about Buck all the time. And Buck is basically in every single story Eddie tells her and Adriana. Sophia chalked it up to them being on the job together all the time. She chalked it up to them being best friends and the fact that Chris seems to adore Buck so obviously Eddie would bring him with on outings.

But this? The photos. The cups. The shared calendar. The fucking Diaz family recipes in handwriting that doesn’t belong to a Diaz; ones that she knows abuela said she would only ever share with family. All of these things point to Eddie building something with Buck. 

And Eddie never told her about it. 

Sure, she moved so far away from Texas the moment she could. But Eddie understood. He ran away from home, too. Adriana, herself, and Eddie always talked about leaving Texas as soon as they could. She always held onto that. She always held on to the fact that distance would never stop or weaken the love she had for her siblings. They could not talk for a year and she would trust them to be able to pick up where they left off, no questions asked. She would still trust them with her life. Did Eddie not feel the same?

Does Eddie not trust her with the full truth of his life? Does he think that she would think less of him because he was with a man? God, she hopes that’s not what he thinks. She would love her big brother no matter what. He has to know that right? He knows that she’s not straight, right? But maybe he doesn’t? 

Sophia remembers the comments her parents made. They weren’t aggressively homophobic growing up but there were definitely comments from both of them. She knows their parents have a strict vision on what it means to be a man. Lord knows she heard enough about it when she started to date about how all the guys she dated weren’t man enough. And then the one time she introduced Helena and Ramon to a girlfriend via video chat, she got a tight-lipped smile from her mother and a “Oh, that’s nice, honey.” And then absolute stone silence from her father. He didn’t look mad or disappointed. Just… blank. 

So yeah. Not ‘beating your kid and kicking them out’ homophobic. But they weren’t going to be the parents that went with you to pride either. And that was fine for Sophia. 

Surely Eddie saw her posts on Instagram, right? Adriana liked all of her posts and she always posts pictures from Pride in Chicago. Sophia whips out her phone and scrolls through her Instagram. Eddie is very sporadic with his own Instagram but he has liked a few of her posts. But none of the pride ones. Looking at the dates of her own posts and the very few that Eddie has, it looks like he only likes her posts when he’s posting something. Which makes sense, it’s probably the only time he’s actually on the app. 

Okay. Think, Sophia. You can’t just spring all this on Eddie when he walks in the door. That’s gonna spook him. You need to be more chill about it, Sophia thinks to herself. 

She doesn’t have much time to gather her thoughts before she hears the front door open. 

“Soph?” she hears Eddie call from the front entry way. 

She walks out of the kitchen, through the dining room, and launches herself at Eddie. Eddie lets out an oof at the impact but she doesn’t care. She’s shorter than him by a good half-a-foot so she wraps her arms around his waist. He ends up wrapping his own around her shoulders and she feels him rest his chin on the top of her head. 

“I’m sorry I showed up out of the blue,” Sophia says. “I missed you,” she tacks on quietly. 

She hears and feels Eddie sigh. 

“It’s okay.” He pats the spot between her shoulder blades lightly. “I missed you too.” 

Sophia sucks in a breath and quickly pulls herself away. She doesn’t step out of his space, though. She missed him. She missed her older brother so much. She brings a hand up to his face and pats his cheek a little. She notes the bags under Eddie’s eyes; although he’s always had those — even when they were kids. He has a few more wrinkles. Some frown lines, sure, but also the beginnings of some crow lines. Something loosens up in Sophia’s chest knowing that Eddie is smiling. He was always so serious growing up; very rarely did he let himself be silly with her and Adriana. 

“You’re getting old,” Sophia says, breaking the tension. Eddie scoffs and pinches her shoulder.

“You’re one to talk,” he says, stepping back. He brings a hand up to her hair. “Is that a gray hair I see?”

“Probably,” Sophia laughs. “Nice try though, you know I don’t care about that sort of thing.” 

Sophia knows there really probably is a gray hair. She only just turned 33 but she’s been finding grays for a few years now. So has Helena the handful of times Sophia has made it back to El Paso. Her mother never fails to make a comment about the state of her hair whenever they see each other. Their mother started graying early, according to abuela, and she’s been dyeing her hair ever since. Sophia likes her gray hairs. They represent the visible changes she’s gone through in her life. 

Plus her girlfriend finds them sexy. And she’s always right. 

“Yeah,” Eddie laughs, visibly losing some of the tension he had in his shoulders when he walked through the front door. “If I wanted to hit you where it hurt I would tell you you’re not funny.”  

“Which is a lie,” Sophia says. Eddie shakes his head a little and takes the step toward the kitchen. 

“You want a beer?” Eddie asks. 

“Depends,” Sophia says, stepping around him and walking into the kitchen before he does. “You got anything good?” 

She doesn’t wait for a response before she opens up the fridge herself. 

“Yeah, no, of course, help yourself,” Eddie says dryly, leaning against the counter, crossing his arms. 

“Aw, thanks Eddie.” Sophia grins at him, replying to his bitchiness in kind. 

Sophia makes a note of what is in the fridge and notes the beers Eddie has. Some brand she’s never heard of. But it’s probably better than the piss they used to drink back in Texas when all they could afford was the cheapest swill they could find. 

However, Sophia also spots a half full bottle (“It’s half empty because we drank from it,” Eddie would say. “Something is only half full if you fill it up halfway.”) of white wine. Sophia grabs that and shuts the fridge. 

“Trying to hide the good stuff from me?” Sophia teases. Eddie rolls his eyes and goes to open up one of the cabinets, taking out two wine glasses. Sophia tries to sneak a peek inside the cabinet to see if she can confirm her suspicions about Eddie having more cups for kids in his cabinet. Her suspicion is confirmed when she spots a spiderman cup with a spill-proof lid before Eddie shuts the cabinet. 

“Yeah,” Eddie drawls. “Because the bottle sitting in the doorway in plain sight is hidden.” 

Eddie grabs the bottle from her and heads toward the back door. Sophia follows him as he leads her out to his backyard. She definitely doesn’t miss some of the toys scattered around that are definitely not for a 16 year-old boy. Eddie sets the glasses down on the patio table and pours them both a glass. 

“So, where are you staying?” Eddie asks. “I didn’t see any bags when I came in so I assume you’re not staying on my couch.” 

“You wound me, Eddie,” Sophia laughs, making herself comfortable on the chair. “You would make your baby sister sleep on the couch? You wouldn’t even offer me your bed?” 

“My back can’t handle multiple nights on that couch anymore,” Eddie says, taking a sip of the wine. 

“I’m staying at a hotel,” Sophia says. 

“Man, tía Pepa is gonna kick your ass when she finds that out,” Eddie says, laughing a little. “You should at least lie to her and say you’re staying with a friend.” 

“And you think lying to tía is the better option?” Sophia teases. 

Eddie doesn’t respond. He just laughs and shakes his head a little. Like he can’t believe his sister’s antics. They trade small talk back and forth. Eddie asks her why she’s there. She’s there for work but she doesn’t tell him that she volunteered to do the trip. If she can see her family on company time then she’s gonna do it. She asks him about work, any wild calls that she doesn’t yet know about. 

Once again, in all the stories Eddie has, Buck is featured prominently. Not just the work stories, but all the stories. The vacation stories, the mundane daily stories, the daily outings stories. Eddie very carefully doesn’t mention Theo — which Sophia picks up on immediately. 

“So who’s Theo?” Sophia asks after Eddie finishes another story where he is clearly dancing around the presence of both Buck and Theo for some reason. Sophia has never been one for tact or subtlety. That was always more Adriana’s thing; it probably has something to do with her being the oldest. 

Eddie chokes on the sip of wine he just took. 

“How the hell do you know about him?” Eddie hits his own chest, trying to get his breathing back in check. 

“I’m not deaf,” Sophia scoffs. “I heard you and Chris say his name when I called you earlier.” 

“It’s… kind of complicated,” Eddie grumbles, setting his wine glass down. “He’s Buck’s kid.” 

“Since when does Buck have a kid?” Sophia squawks. 

“I told you it’s complicated," Eddie says. “Plus it’s not really your business to know how Buck got custody of him,” Eddie says a little defensively. Sophia deflates a little. 

“So the play dates that are on the calendar…” Sophia trails off. Eddie sighs. 

“Yeah those are for Theo and Jee-Yun,” Eddie says. “Jee is Buck’s niece,” he adds. 

“Is he the little curly blond in your pictures?” Sophia asks. 

“Yeah,” Eddie says and draws out his phone. She watches as Eddie swipes a few times before he’s turning his phone around to show her what he just pulled up. 

It’s a photo of Chris and Theo. It must have been taken today at the zoo. It looks like both of them are leaning on the railing of one of the enclosures and Chris is pointing at something off screen that both he and Theo are looking at.

“He’s a cute little thing,” Sophia says, flicking her eyes to Eddie. 

“Full of energy and excitable. But yeah,” Eddie says as he pockets his phone. “He is.” Eddie whispers like he doesn’t want Sophia to hear it. She does hear it all the same. Eddie’s tone when he talks about Theo is exactly how he talked – still talks – about Chris. 

“You haven’t mentioned him before,” Sophia says. Nudging Eddie into opening up maybe a tiny bit more. 

“Like I said,” Eddie says and scrubs a hand over his face. “It’s complicated.” 

“You know Adri and I would get that it’s not entirely our business,” Sophia says slowly. “But he’s clearly important to you.”

Eddie doesn’t say anything. He just tracks the movement of a piece of condensation on his wine glass. 

“You don’t have to tell me about the details,” Sophia says. “But I’d like to know more about your life here.” Eddie’s eyes flick up to meet Sophia’s. She can tell that Eddie is trying to form the right words to say so she lets him sit in silence for a bit. 

“Buck is fostering him right now,” Eddie says. “He knew Theo’s parents. They died a few months ago. Car accident. We were the ones on the scene.” 

Sophia can’t help the gasp that slips out of her mouth. 

“Oh,” Sophia says. 

“That’s not even the half of it,” Eddie says, shaking his head. “But that doesn’t matter right now. That’s the jist of the situation.” 

Sophia takes another sip of her wine and looks out at the horizon. The sun is getting a bit lower in the sky. She didn’t even realize that much time had passed. She wonders when Buck is going to come back with Chris and Theo. 

Sophia lets the moment simmer a bit before she pipes back up with a change of subject. 

“I thought it would be hotter here,” Sophia says. Eddie raises an eyebrow at her but smiles softly and shakes his head at her. He knows she’s not good with real serious conversations. It’s never been her thing. 

“It’s only the end of April. It’s gonna get hotter,” Eddie says, allowing the change in topic. 

“Yeah I know,” Sophia says. “But you know it’s already in the 90s in El Paso.” 

“You back in Texas?” Eddie asks with genuine concern. Sophia chuckles. 

“Hell no,” Sophia shakes her head. “I just keep the location on my weather app. I’m still in Michigan.” 

“That small town on one of those big lakes, right?”

“Yeah. Grand Haven,” Sophia smiles. “It’s a small town. Gets real touristy in the summer but that’s par for the course in any town in Michigan to be honest.” 

“You thinking of sticking around there?” Eddie asks. Sophia hums a little. She’s been living there for about a year and a half now. But she does like it. 

The girl she started seeing is a plus, too. 

“Yeah,” Sophia nods. “Got a couple of reasons to stick around there.” 

Eddie raises both eyebrows and gives her a look. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, maybe,” Sophia hums. “It’s too early to tell if it’s serious or not but…” Sophia shrugs a little. 

“Wow,” Eddie says. “He must be a pretty cool guy if he’s got you wanting to stick around.” 

Oh. This is Sophia’s chance to start feeling out if Eddie really is keeping a relationship with Buck a secret.

“It’s a woman. Her name is Lily,” Sophia says, glancing at Eddie, gauging his reaction. “And she’s pretty awesome, in my opinion.” 

“Oh,” Eddie says quietly. “You’re…” 

Eddie trails off. Sophia takes a little mercy on him. 

“Bisexual,” Sophia says. “Which, you would know if you ever checked Instagram. I only make jokes about it all the time.” 

Eddie nods a little, looking off into the middle distance for a second before he snaps out of it. 

“Hey.” Eddie reaches across the table and grabs her hand. “I love you no matter what. Thanks for telling me.” 

Sophia rolls her eyes but she can’t help but smile. 

“Thanks, Eddie.” 

“Do Mom and Dad know?” 

Sophia squeezes Eddie’s hand and lets go, leaning back in her chair. 

“Yeah,” Sophia says. “They ignore it, but they know. Probably hoping that I’ll end up with a man. Which I could, obviously, but that’s besides the point.” 

“Yeah, ignoring it sounds about them,” Eddie says gruffly. 

“What about you?” Sophia asks.

“What about me?” Eddie replies a little too quickly; a little too defensively in Sophia’s opinion. Sophia rolls her eyes again. 

“Anyone you interested in?” Sophia asks, keeping it gender neutral. “You haven’t mentioned anyone other than Ana and that was years ago.”

Eddie drains the rest of his wine. It draws a laugh out of Sophia when he goes to pour more in his glass. 

“Okay, so dating is also a touchy subject,” Sophia says. 

“There, uh, was a girl after Ana. Her name was Marisol but…,” Eddie says, looking in Sophia’s general direction but not directly at her. “It didn’t work out. I fucked it up.”

Not what she was expecting Eddie to say but, hey, she can work with that. 

“Hey, cheers to that,” Sophia says, clinking their wine glasses. “I’ve done my fair share of fucking up in relationships.” 

Eddie hums but doesn’t elaborate on the fuck-up. Which is fine. Sophia may be nosy but she’s not going to pry about something that Eddie clearly doesn’t want to talk about. 

“She was a nun,” Eddie says out of left field. Sophia nearly does a spit take. 

“A nun?!” Sophia shrieks. “No fucking way.”

Eddie brings both of his hands ups to his face and groans into them. 

“Yes fucking way,” he says, a little mumbled what with the hands in front of his face. “She wasn’t a full blown nun, she was training but hadn’t taken her vows before she left.” 

“That’s lowkey kinda hot,” Sophia laughs. 

“No,” Eddie lowers his hands, pointing at Sophia, “it’s not. It was traumatizing to see a picture of her in full nun getup. It was like I had a whole reservoir of Catholic guilt that was hiding away until I saw that picture.” Sophia notices Eddie shivers a bit. 

She gets it. Sure, she stopped going to Mass every Sunday when she was 12, but the culture was still there everyday. It took Sophia a while to let herself feel happy without suffering for it first. Sometimes, she still finds herself trying to sabotage her own happiness as a form of penance that she knows she doesn’t need. She’s been working on it. 

And it breaks her heart a little to realize that maybe Eddie has been struggling with that too. 

“You ever seen Fleabag?” is what Sophia ends up asking. 

“Uh, no,” Eddie says slowly. “Don’t think I’ve ever heard of it.” 

“It’s a British show. It’s about a woman named Fleabag. In the second season she falls in love with a priest.” 

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ll watch that,” Eddie says skeptically. Sophia rolls her eyes for a third time. She can already hear her mother’s comment of ‘You’re going to roll your eyes right out of your skull if you keep doing that.’ 

Ironically, that comment made Sophia want to roll her eyes even more. Who knew. 

“Falling in love with clergy hits too close to home?” Sophia teases. 

“I didn’t love Marisol,” Eddie says a little too quickly. He looks surprised that he said it. She wonders if Eddie is shocked because he thought he loved her or if he’s shocked he told Sophia that. 

“So who have you loved?” Sophia asks, lips feeling a little loose from the wine. She’s expecting to hear Shannon’s name. Maybe even Ana. She wasn’t expecting what Eddie actually says. 

“I don’t know,” Eddie says quietly. 

Before Sophia can even process that, she hears the front door open. She and Eddie look toward the door and they are greeted with Buck, an excitable Chris, and a tired child hiding his face in Buck’s neck that she assumes is Theo. Chris makes his way toward the backyard and Sophia gets up to meet him at the backdoor. 

“Tía,” Chris says excitedly, throwing his arms around Sophia. She laughs and hugs him back tight. “I missed you.” 

“I missed you too mi’jo,” Sophia replies, rubbing Chris’s back as she hugs him. 

When Chris detaches himself from Sophia, Buck steps forward. He has one arm wrapped around Theo but is able to extend his other hand out for a handshake. 

“Hey, Sophia,” Buck says with an easy smile. “I’m Buck. Nice to finally meet one of the Diaz sisters.” 

“Hi, Buck,” Sophia says, grinning. The pictures of this man do not do him any justice. If Sophia wasn’t obsessed with her girl back in Michigan, she would want to see if she could make Buck blush as pink as the cute little birthmark he has on his eyebrow. Oh, and also the whole Eddie and Buck situation that Sophia is trying to put together, she supposes. “It’s nice to finally put a face to all the stories I hear about you.” 

Buck blushes and ducks his head a little. Jesus, Sophia thinks. How does Eddie not melt into a pile of goo when a man like Buck looks like that? 

“All good stories I hope,” Buck says. 

“I don’t think either Eddie or Chris would be capable of saying a bad word about you,” Sophia says. “It’s always ‘Buck showed me this cool documentary’ or ‘Buck did something crazy on shift today.’” 

“In my defense,” Eddie pipes up from behind her, standing up, “you are always pulling something crazy at work.” 

“I don’t have a defense,” Chris shrugs. “Buck is cooler than Dad.” 

“Hey!” Eddie looks mock offended and playfully slaps Chris on the shoulder. 

“And is that Theo?” Sophia asks, pointing at the child who has his arms wrapped around Buck’s neck but has now moved his head a little so now he’s peeking out at Sophia. 

“Yeah,” Buck says, bouncing Theo slightly. “Say ‘hi Sophia.’’’

Theo looks at her a little warily which she does not take personally. 

“Come on, don’t be shy,” Buck laughs. “Chris and I told you about her. She’s Eddie’s sister. Chris’s aunt.” 

That seems to open Theo up. 

“Auntie Sophia!” Theo yells, bringing his face out of the crook of Buck’s neck and wiggling like he wants to get down. Buck laughs and sets him down and Theo launches himself at Sophia’s legs. She lets out a laugh at the unexpected show of affection from the kid but she pats him on the head. When Theo lets go, Sophia crouches down so that way she’s at eye level with Theo. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Theo,” Sophia says. Theo smiles at her but he seems to get a little shy again as he walks back over to Buck and gets a tiny fistful of his jeans. 

“You staying for dinner?” Buck asks Sophia. Sophia raises an eyebrow and slides her eyes over to Eddie who seems like he is very deliberately not meeting her eye. 

‘That depends,” Sophia drawls, standing back up. “Eddie isn’t the one cooking, right?” Buck laughs and Eddie groans. 

“I’ve gotten better at cooking,” Eddie grumbles. 

“I’ll cook,” Buck says. “Not to brag but I’m not too shabby in the kitchen.” 

“He’s being modest,” Eddie teases.

“He’s the best at cooking,” Chris says very seriously.

“Don’t set her expectations too high,” Buck laughs as they make their way back into the house.

“I’ll judge appropriately," Sophia teases. “Show me what you got.”  

***

Watching Eddie and Buck interact more is eye-opening. When the three adults are in the kitchen while Theo “helps” Chris put together a model of the otter exhibit they got at the zoo, Sophia starts making mental notes. Buck knows where everything is in Eddie’s kitchen. Honestly, he probably knows the contents of Eddie’s kitchen better than Eddie does. She watches as Eddie thumbs through the rolodex of recipes, showing them to Buck and asking if they had the ingredients for them. 

She watches as Buck starts making the sauce and Eddie starts gathering the spices and starts chopping up the ingredients that need prepping. They move around each other like they’ve done this a million times before. Sophia realizes with startling clarity that they probably have. 

Sophia moans at the first bite of the alfredo that Buck cooked. 

“It's nothing too fancy,” Buck tries to downplay. 

“You made the sauce from scratch, Buck,” Sophia says around a mouthful of pasta, a move that would have gotten her a slap upside the head from her father and a glare from her mother. “I think that warrants the title of fancy. Plus, it’s so good.” 

“She’s right, Buck,” Eddie says after he has swallowed the bite he just took. He’s always had better manners than her. “It’s delicious.” 

“Thanks,” Buck says, ducking his head as he takes another bite. 

Both Chris and Theo aren’t paying the adults any mind. They are both focused on the task at hand — shoveling as much pasta into their mouth as humanly possible. 

“So, Sophia,” Buck says. “What brings you to L.A.?” 

“Work. I work as a graphic designer for a bunch of different newspapers that are all owned by the same company,” Sophia explains. “I mostly work remotely, my home office is in Chicago but I rarely ever have to be there, usually only once a month for some stupid all-hands meetings.”

Buck makes a hum of acknowledgement so Sophia continues. She might as well give all the context of the trip. 

“Anyway, the company just acquired two new newspapers in the greater L.A. area so they asked for volunteers to come out and teach everyone how their new system is going to work,” Sophia says. “Normally, I wouldn’t have said yes, but I’ve haven’t had the chance to make the trip out here yet so I jumped on the opportunity.” 

“Ah, so work gets to pay for the hotel and the flights,” Buck nods. “Smart.” 

“I have been told I’m the smartest of the Diaz siblings,” Sophia says, winking at Eddie. 

“Lies and slander,” Eddie laughs. “Adri is the smartest.” 

“Okay, you won’t catch me refuting that,” Sophia laughs and turns her attention back to Buck. His eyes move back and forth between Eddie and Sophia. He doesn’t look calculating though. He looks… soft, for lack of a better word. Like Buck is loving the banter between the two of them. Around people that aren’t family, Eddie usually isn’t this playful. Hell, even sometimes with family he isn't. So seeing Buck look at Eddie the way he’s looking at him right now, all soft eyes and small smiles, makes something in Sophia’s chest rattle. 

During dinner, she watches as Buck and Eddie make inside jokes with each other. She notices how when Buck teases Eddie, Eddie kicks him under the table and rolls his eyes. 

They sure do act like a couple. But the more Sophia looks at them, the more she’s certain that they aren’t actually together. Yet. 

There was always something in the back of Sophia’s mind that wondered about Eddie. When Sophia was coming to terms with her own queerness, she was able to look back on a lot of her behavior growing up with hindsight. It also made her examine how Eddie acted. Because the two of them were always so similar. Sophia was never boy crazy like Adriana was. And Eddie was never girl crazy. He never even talked about girls in high school. Well, he talked about Shannon. But whenever Mom or Dad would make a comment about Shannon being his girlfriend, Eddie always refuted it. 

“We’re just friends. Best friends,” Eddie would always say. “Guys and girls can be friends.” 

And then Shannon got pregnant. And Eddie married her. She was the only girl Eddie ever really talked about.

So yeah, Sophia has done a lot of self-reflecting as a part of her queer journey. And she can’t help but wonder about Eddie. 

Because it’s not just Buck making eyes. Eddie is too. It’s so odd to Sophia. She’s never seen her brother look like this before. Soft and open. Or at least, she hasn’t seen him look like this for a very long time. 

She’s brought out of her melancholic thoughts when Buck asks her question. 

“So,” Buck says with a sly smile on his face as he glances between Eddie and Sophia, “do you have any embarrassing childhood stories of Eddie?” 

“Oh no,” Eddie says. 

“‘Do I have any embarrassing stories’ he says,” Sophia laughs. “Of course I have stories.” 

“I want to hear them, too!” Chris exclaims. 

“So Eddie went through a skateboarding phase,” Sophia starts. 

“Wait, no way!” Chris says, turning toward Eddie. 

“Don’t get your hopes up,” Eddie says. “I was terrible. You were better than me at the age of 8 than I was at 14.” 

“You tried skateboarding?” Sophia asks, genuinely impressed and shocked. 

“Yeah!” Chris beams. “Buck built me a skateboard with railings for me to hang on to.” 

“You built him a skateboard.” Sophia turns to look at Buck incredulously.

“Hey, this isn’t about me,” Buck says, pointing at Eddie. “Embarrass him.” 

“We’ll table that,” Sophia says. “But yes, so Eddie had a skateboarding phase…” 

Sophia proceeds to tell the story of the time that Eddie tried to build his own half-pipe in one of abuelo's old pole buildings. He successfully made something that at least looked like a half-pipe, but when he tried to go down it the first (and only) time, one of the back wheels of the skateboard dug into the plywood. It halted the momentum of the board, causing Eddie to fly off the half-pipe and land face first onto the concrete floor, breaking his nose in the process. She is barely able to mention how herself and Adriana tried so hard to patch him before their parents got home because she and Buck are laughing so hard. Eddie looks like he wants the ground to swallow him whole and Chris looks like he won the jackpot. (And Theo is sitting there, looking adorable and eating his alfredo.) 

“Tell Buck about his ballroom dancing days,” Chris says. Eddie makes a noise of indignation and Buck’s draw drops a little. 

“You did ballroom dancing?” Buck asks. Eddie puts his head in his hands and groans. 

“He has the trophies to prove it and everything,” Sophia says. “He was the best ballroom dancer in all of Texas two years in a row.” 

“That’s so cool, Eddie,” Buck says earnestly. Sophia never understood the term puppy eyes until she sees Buck look at her brother. “Why did you stop?” 

Sophia wonders that, too. You wouldn’t think it, but both of her parents were really supportive of Eddie’s dancing. They bragged at length about his accomplishments in both dance and baseball. 

“Look at our son,” they would say. “He's multi-dimensional.” Okay, they wouldn’t say that, but it's the vibe she always got. Sophia knows that parents like to brag about their kids, but there was always something about the way that their parents bragged about the three of them that felt different. Like there was an underlying message of “Don’t make us look like fools for bragging about this.” 

It’s one of the reasons why Sophia never continued theater after high school, even though she loved it. Hearing her parents brag to the other parents at the play that she got the leading role as a sophomore was humiliating. So she’s not shocked when Eddie replies. 

“Mom and Dad just…,” Eddie trails off. “Made it less fun. They made it about the competitions.” 

Yeah. That’s what Sophia feared. 

“You didn’t want to compete?” Chris asks quietly. Sophia turns her eyes over to Chris. He looks like he’s putting pieces together.

“Our abuelo taught him how to dance,” Sophia says. 

“It was fun at first,” Eddie admits. “I loved dancing and it made me feel closer to abuelo after he passed. And Shannon signed me up for that first competition as a joke. But it was so much fun. I had fun. And then I kept winning all the way to state. That’s when Mom and Dad started making me take it seriously.” 

Sophia hears Buck make a noise in the back of his throat that she would classify as a sad huff. She looks over at Chris who looks like he understands all too well what Eddie is saying. 

“It stopped being fun after that,” Chris says. He doesn’t phrase it like a question. He phrases it like he knows. Eddie looks up at Chris with a sadness in his eyes, but he puts on a small smile anyway, 

“Yeah, it stopped being fun after that,” Eddie says. Chris nods. Sophia wishes she could press a bit more about the hidden meaning behind that exchange between her brother and nephew, but family dinner with Buck and Theo doesn’t seem like the time or place. 

“Well,” Buck says. “It’s probably a good thing that Maddie and Chim’s wedding got so derailed then. If you’d shown off your dancing skills, you know everyone would have been floored.”

It’s obvious to Sophia that Buck is trying to break the tension. It must be obvious to Eddie too because he looks at Buck like he just handed him his favorite treat. Eddie huffs out a laugh. 

Sophia is really starting to like Buck. 

“Thank god for small mercies, I guess,” Eddie says. 

They finish up dinner with more conversation. It’s honestly one of the best “family” dinners Sophia has had in a while. The last time she and Eddie laughed this much, it must have been when they were teenagers and they snuck out of the house to meet their friends out by the lake. 

After cleaning and washing everything up, it’s clear that both Chris and Theo are tired after the long day they had. Theo is obviously more tired — since he’s passed out cold on the couch. 

“We should probably head out,” Buck says. “He rarely ever falls asleep that quickly.” 

“He’s adorable,” Sophia says genuinely. Buck ducks his head again and jeez, what is with this guy? Sophia thinks. Who gave this built-like-a-brick shit-house of a man any right to be this cute? 

“Thanks,” Buck says. He moves over to the couch and easily picks up Theo. The boy doesn’t wake up but he sniffles a little as he presses his face into Buck’s neck. Sophia glances at Eddie to see if he’s watching this and boy howdy is he. Sophia swears there are cartoon hearts coming out her brother’s eyes right now. 

Chris meets Buck and Theo at the door and Chris gives Buck a hug goodbye, which does make Theo stir a little. 

“We leavin’?” Theo mumbles. 

“Yeah, we’re heading home,” Buck says. “Wanna say goodbye to Eddie and Chris?” 

Barely lifting his head as he struggles to keep his eyes open, Theo mumbles out a goodbye and then promptly falls back asleep. 

“You want me to give you a ride back to your hotel?” Buck asks. 

“Nah,” Sophia says. “I ordered an Uber that’ll be here soon.” 

“Okay,” Buck says. “It was really great meeting you, Sophia. I hope you can hang out a bit more before you have to leave. You owe me so many embarrassing Eddie stories.” Buck grins. 

“Oh you’ll be seeing me again,” Sophia grins back. 

“Okay,” Eddie says, stepping in between Buck and Sophia. Eddie brings a hand up to Theo and ruffles his hair. “See you later, buddy.” 

Theo must say something as he grumbles into Buck’s neck because it has Eddie’s face lighting up in a soft smile. Which, in turn, has Buck smiling at Eddie. 

Jesus Christ, Sophia thinks. If this is how they act around each other all the time, she has no idea how they haven’t realized they’re in love with each other. Sophia spent just a few short hours with them and she can feel it deep in her bones. 

The way that Eddie looks at Buck, smiles at Buck. The way he’s always touching Buck in small ways, like a hand running across the back of his shoulders as Eddie moves behind him. Or knees obviously pressing against each other underneath the dining room table.

But the thing that hits Sophia the most is the way that Eddie just looks so unburdened. Even as teenagers… hell, even as kids, Eddie walked around with so much responsibility on his shoulders. She always hated how their parents made Eddie feel like he had to be the man of the house. That he couldn’t have fun or be silly or be the fucking kid he actually was. 

Sophia watches as Eddie as Buck and Theo leave and it’s like she watches Eddie put some of those walls back up in real time. Not all of them. But Sophia recognizes the defense mechanism. 

Chris decides to yawn dramatically. 

“Okay,” Eddie laughs. “You have school tomorrow. It’s bedtime.” 

“Sure,” Chris says quietly. “When can we hang out again?” Chris asks Sophia. 

“I’m pretty busy the next couple of days but I should be free to hang out with my favorite nephew after Thursday afternoon,” Sophia grins. She steps into Chris’s space and gives him a hug goodnight and he only grumbles a little bit when she kisses his head. 

Sophia and Eddie stand by the front door as they watch Chris go into his room. When the door closes, Sophia waits a beat to say something. 

“So,” Sophia says, drawing out the word. “Buck is cool.”

Eddie gives her a look like he doesn’t know why she’s saying that.

“Look,” Sophia starts. “You know I don’t do subtle. I’m not tactful. But I am going to try and ask this as nicely as possible.” 

“Okay,” Eddie says, looking nervous. 

“Are you in love with Buck?” 

The question hangs in the air. It feels like all of the air has been sucked out of the room. Sophia wonders if this is the first time someone has ever asked Eddie that.

Eddie looks away. Sophia lets him. She stands there and waits. She lets Eddie formulate whatever words he’s about to say right now because it’s the least she can do after being a bulldozer today. 

“I thought I was in love with Shannon,” Eddie ends up saying. Sophia doesn’t respond. She lets Eddie keep talking. 

“And I did love her, you know?” Eddie runs a hand through his hair. “I mean, she was the mother of my son. How could I not love her? She was my best friend.” 

Sophia hears the unspoken addendum. Buck is my best friend, Eddie doesn’t say. It must be so hard for Eddie, trying to differentiate whatever fucked up tangled web of feelings he has. Sophia knows it took her a long time to figure her own shit out. 

“You remember my best friend from high school, Cassie?” Sophia asks. 

“How could I not,” Eddie says. “You were attached at the hip.” 

Sophia laughs a little. 

“In hindsight,” Sophia says. “I was a little in love with her.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says softly. “Yeah, I can see that.” 

“It took me a long time to realize that,” Sophia admits. She doesn’t say that it took years after the implosion of their friendship for Sophia to realize it. 

“When did you…” Eddie trails off, but Sophia knows what he’s trying to ask. 

“I think there was a part of me that always knew, you know?” Sophia says. “But growing up, hearing all the shit we heard, I think I sort of… internalized a lot of it and didn’t know. So whenever I felt anything that wasn’t ‘normal’ I pushed it down. I locked it away.” 

Eddie makes a small noise in the back of his throat. 

“It was even harder trying to decide if I was still attracted to men,” Sophia admits. “I wasn’t sure if I was actually attracted to them or if I was just so used to society telling me that I was supposed to be attracted to them.” 

“How did you figure it out?” Eddie asks. 

“A lot of soul-searching. A lot of fucking up,” Sophia admits with a wet laugh. It draws a laugh out of Eddie which makes Sophia feel marginally better. “But when I took a step back and pictured who I was without thinking about what society or Mom and Dad think I should be, I made peace with myself. 

“I chose to let myself feel joy. I chose to stop being afraid. I know that’s so much easier said than done,” Sophia scoffs at herself. “I’d be a hypocrite to tell you it will make all your doubt or anxiety go away when you finally let go of all the shit we are holding. But it’s so fucking worth it, Eddie. Any of the pain that comes with it, it’s all worth letting yourself be happy.” 

Sophia doesn’t realize she’s crying until Eddie pulls her into a hug. She can feel him crying into her shoulder too. 

“I think I’m gay,” Eddie gasps into her shoulder. And if Sophia thought she was crying before, that is nothing compared to the tears she has now. She holds her brother tight as he shakes with the revelation. Sophia realizes that this is probably the first time he’s ever said those words out loud. 

“I love you,” Sophia says through her tears. “And this doesn’t change a thing between us.” 

Well. It does change things. But all good change. But Sophia doesn’t say that. It’s not what Eddie wants, or needs, to hear. 

“You’re still my big brother,” Sophia says as she runs her hand up and down Eddie’s back, trying to bring him some form of comfort. “I’ll be with you every step of the way.” 

“Thank you,” Eddie says weakly into her shoulder. 

They stay like that for Sophia doesn’t know how long, just hugging and crying into each other in Eddie’s foyer. 

Sophia is the first to pull herself together. She moves her head back and notes the stain on Eddie’s shirt. 

“I think I got snot on you,” Sophia says apologetically. Eddie huffs out a wet laugh as he leaves Sophia’s space. She watches as he brings a hand up and wipes at his eyes and nose. She probably has a similar stain on her shirt. 

Sophia brings her own hand up to Eddie’s head and she cards her fingers through his hair. 

“And you know what?” Sophia asks. Eddie hums a little in acknowledgement. He’s not looking at her. He’s looking somewhere past her, but that’s okay. 

“You could do a lot worse than Buck,” Sophia says. Eddie’s eyes snap to her. He looks at her with a wide and open expression. 

“Am I really that obvious?” Eddie asks.

“To me? Yeah,” Sophia says with a small laugh. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile as much as you do when you’re around him.” 

Eddie makes a slight strangled noise that makes Sophia laugh again. 

Sophia feels her phone buzz. She pulls it out and looks at it. 

“My Uber is here,” she says. Eddie blows out a breath and takes another step back. 

“Okay,” Eddie says softly. 

“Text me your schedule and we can figure out when we can meet up again,” Sophia says. 

“Okay,” Eddie says again. Sophia shakes her head a little and steps back into Eddie’s space again and gives him a quick hug. 

“See you soon,” Sophia says. 

“See you soon,” Eddie confirms. 

***

And if Buck and Theo are there the next time Sophia meets up with Eddie and Chris, Sophia only raises an eyebrow at Eddie who rolls his eyes at her and blushes and leans into Buck. 

Sophia feels whatever weight was in her chest lift a little. 

She knows Eddie’s going to be okay. He’ll be more than okay. Because Sophia knows she’s right — that whenever Eddie does finally start taking those steps, she just knows Buck is going to be right there with him. After all, abuela would have never given those recipes to someone who isn’t family.