Chapter Text
Dire Crowley snapped away the weasel and sighed. “Apologies, Yuu-kun, but I’m afraid that you have no place in this school—”
He was cut off by a shriek from the aforementioned non-magical human. “W—what is that?” Dire turned his head towards the direction that Yuu was frantically waving their arm at, and his jaw dropped.
There was a strange small-child-shaped meteor barreling towards the Dark Mirror at record speed. Dire frantically cast a barrier, because oh no if a child projectile destroyed the Mirror I could lose my job, causing the child to harmlessly bounce off. Somehow, it sustained no injury.
The child, who had apparently been asleep—who could even sleep through that—blinked awake, before screaming in a foreign language.
—Where am I? Who are you? Why am I here?— the child said. Dire glanced around to see if anybody understood the child’s words.
One of the freshmen—Spade, if he remembered correctly, cleared his throat. “I recognize this language, eigo. I don’t speak it, but my mother taught me a song in it once.”
Dire smiled. “Ah, yes. Music, the universal language. Perhaps singing it would calm the child down…?” he said.
Spade inhaled sharply. —Hey yeah, hey yeah~ This is where you are Caucasian, destination falling~—
The child calmed down and blinked incredulously. —Is this English?—
Another student—Hunt—kneeled beside the child. “Allow me to try,” he said, directed towards nobody in particular. “Bonjour—”
—French! Are you French? Perhaps you speak English?—
Hunt shook his head at Dire. “Apologies, Headmage. It does not appear to be working.” He turned to Schoenheit. “Is he calling me… furencchu? Is that an insult?” Hunt whispered.
“Perhaps I could deal with him for knowledge of the language,” Ashengrotto mused.
—Does that man have wolf ears?— the child asked—well, Dire assumed he was asking something, based on the tone of voice. —Why is everyone speaking Japanese? This place looks so… European. Can you take me away from the Dursleys? I don’t want to live with them anymore.—
At this point, Draconia burst into the room, only to stop dead in his tracks upon seeing the child. “Why is there a child?” he hissed.
—Ma’am, sir, wait what gender are they it’s so confusing, do you speak English?—
“Hai. Er… yesu.”
—Thank God!— the child exclaimed.
Draconia shuffled awkwardly, though not as awkwardly as Shroud, whose tablet was inching into a corner. It was at this point everyone realized that the child was wearing a ceremonial robe. Dire walked up to the Dark Mirror, and began shaking it aggressively.
“A small child, being enrolled at Night Raven College? This is preposterous! The Dark Mirror has never made a mistake—er, well, I suppose it has made two mistakes today—but how could this be?” Dire said calmly. The Mirror remained silent.
Yuu cleared their throat. —Excuse me,— they began in a perfect eigo accent towards the small child. Draconia’s jaw dropped to the floor. —What’s your name?—
The child shrunk in on itself. Dire let go of the mirror. —Harry Potter. I’m Harry Potter.—
Yuu turned to the others. “He’s Harry Potter.”
—Harry Potter desu… I know that much. Are you introducing me?—
Yuu nodded.
—W—why was the creepy bird man shaking the mirror with a face on it?— the child, no, Potter, stuttered. Draconia winced and glanced in Dire’s direction.
Yuu shrugged. —I’m just as confused as you are.—
Potter blinked.
--
Harry was very confused. After just having been told he was a wizard, learning the true reason of his parents’ deaths, entering a strange school called Hogwarts, and being sorted into Gryffindor by a stinky hat, he was now curled up in a dark room and talking to a Japanese teenager.
“What’s that blue thing?” Harry asked, pointing towards a floating blue rectangle.
“That’s a floating tablet. Pretty futuristic-looking, amirite?” Yuu replied with their own question.
“What’s a tablet?”
Yuu reeled back dramatically in shock. “How out-of-date with tech are you, Harry-kun? Come to think of it, your name sounds pretty old, too.”
Harry blinked. “W—what year is it?”
Yuu frowned. “It’s 2020. Y’know, COVID, the Olympics getting canceled, economic recession, et cetera?” they said. Harry’s eyes widened.
“2—2020?”
“What year did you think it was?” Yuu questioned.
“It’s… 1991,” Harry responded. Yuu fell over. Suddenly, the pair was interrupted by a loud, singular clap. —Well, it’s time to sort you!— The creepy bird man exclaimed something in Japanese.
The horned boy kneeled down next to Harry. “You’re being sorted into a house now.”
“But I’m already in a house,” Harry protested.
“Which one?”
“Gryffindor.” Hearing Harry’s response, the horned boy blinked.
He turned to the bird man. —He says he’s in a house called Gryffindor.—
The bird man reeled back, which seemed to be a common theme of the day. —Like the one from that poorly translated novel? Come to think of it, he is named Harry Potter…—
Yuu shot up. “You’re from a book, Harry,” they explained.
“What?” Harry said in disbelief. At least that explained why he was a wizard now.
“It’s like how we seem to have been isekai’d into the video game Twisted Wonderland.”
The horned boy, predictably, reeled back in shock. “Twisted Wonderland… a video game?”
The tablet murmured something. “Two isekai protagonists… and we’re the fictional world.” The creepy bird man calmly straightened his posture, walked into a corner, and fainted.
The weird mirror with a face on it turned towards Harry.
“Congratulations, you have been sorted into Diasomnia,” the mirror said in English, deadpan. Well, Gryffindor would have to do without Harry, he concluded. He was in Dio—Dia—Diasomnia now. Yuu began clapping, followed by the horned boy and, eventually, the rest of the crowd. Everyone still appeared quite shocked upon learning of their fictional status, but that was okay.
The horned boy sighed. “I am Malleus Draconia, your new Housewarden. I suppose I should show you to our dorms.” He offered a hand.
Harry took Mr. Draconia’s hand and awkwardly began to shake it, causing him to appear confused, before eventually shaking back. Turning towards the direction Mr. Draconia gestured in, Harry began to walk.
It was going to be a long, long year.
~Fin.