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Jax had known something was off for a long time.In his old life, he could remember dresses that hugged him in all the wrong places , words that made his skin crawl in a body that wasnt his.He could remember music that he was supposed to like , toys he was meant to play with and hair that was too long.
No, you cant play with trucks those are for boys.No , you cant wear that t shirt, thats for boys.No, you must'nt talk like that its far too unladylike. No you cant like that blue is far too boyish and why would you cut your hair, its so pretty? besides you would look like a boy.
From a young age he realised society had already built a version of himself that was acceptable to everyone else based only on his genitalia, apperance and a century of steryotypes.So he played along.He tolerated his dressed and skirts and long hair and his body that felt wrong. When he was 18 he moved out and everything changed.He cut his hair, wore oversized hoodies to hide his chest and hid his dysphoria behind baggy clothes, cursing and sarcasm.He dyed his hair black and essentially, he became the the repressed teenage version of himself that he never had the chance to become.He listened to cavetown and 21 pilots and She's so gone by lemonade mouth and nirvana and he let himself have all the emotions he was never meant to feel .
He never found out exactly how he got into the circus.After a while, he stopped looking for a way out.