Chapter Text
I don't wanna go.
Cruel words to remember and even worse to utter. To hear someone you love plead while holding on tight, to be willing to cling to them and go with them so it's not as scary, only to be pulled away and to see them remain this thing they never truly wanted to be is worse than the hells written in scripture.
She could feel him wrapped around her, his face in her neck, the shuddering of his increasingly light breath as the panic set in, but then, as was her new normal, she woke up. The only Jax she could see now was the one without a voice, trapped in the dark, imprisoned in a quilted fortress.
She got up from her bed and took sluggish steps to the door. On the handle, she hesitated. Since that day, she'd never been able to get through to him again. When she touched him, she would feel the pain that had started as something all consuming but was now a simple thrum from months of exposure, but the pathways in Jax's head that once led her to him were gone. Kinger had told her that maybe it was because Abstraxion (a nickname that accidentally came about while he was talking about Jax's abstracted form) was always sleeping. Caine as well could only provide conjecture. With his lesser abilities, understanding the inner mechanisms of everyone was a more difficult task, but far more genuine with everyone lucid enough to experience it.
All of that information weighed heavy but... wasn't Jax not coming to her a part of why he abstracted? What good was holding back how you feel for anyone at this point? She squeezed her eyes shut. "I'll get you back." With a quiet promise to herself, she turned the knob and stepped out.
Small things about the circus had changed in the passing months, though Pomni had already grown used to them. The lights in the halls now went dark at night, making the passage of time feel more human even if they technically weren't. Caine and Kinger found a way to make it easier for everyone in the circus to make alterations to their avatars. Some of them, like Ragatha, enjoyed the mundane nature of switching into pajamas at night. Pomni liked it in theory, though her sleep was more often than not sporadic due to a mix of nightmares and exhaustion. She would wake up from dreams of Jax and reach for rest that felt eternally out of her grasp. Apparently before she fell asleep she'd forgotten to change out of her jester costume, though the hat was abandoned on her bed.
Eventually her feet led her to the main area where the tent that housed Jax stood. Without hesitation, she walked to it and gently pushed the drapery aside to see the abstracted mass lying in the center. "Hey, Jax," she softly greeted.
There was no noise. Fluorescent eyes remained shut. The mass shifted with its usual static energy as she neared closer. She moved to sit criss-cross in front of him. "It's me again," she said before rolling her eyes at herself, "though if you can hear me you know that." She didn't look directly at him. It was easier to imagine what he would say.
Not like you do this every day, PomPom.
"I know, I know," she shook her head. "I just figured we... I... could talk." It felt just as stiff as it had the first day she tried this, though she didn't think that feeling would dissipate. "Today was good," she nodded a little as her legs shifted, uncrossing them and pulling them to her chest, wrapping her arms around them to make herself even smaller. With a tilt of her head, she rested her cheek against her knee as she watched the sleeping Abstraxion. "Today's adventure- well, Kinger and Caine stayed behind so it was only me, Ragatha, Zooble, and Gangle- was a skatepark. Considering Ragatha's pretty athletic, she did pretty bad skateboarding." She smiled a little. "Zooble was a natural, though that didn't surprise me much. And Gangle mainly watched from the sidelines." Though her smile faded away. "I wish you were there with us."
And it suddenly felt like too much. It was too much.
But she fended off the tears for a moment. "I hope you're doing at least as good as me, Jax." She knew it couldn't be good in there, but she couldn't reconcile if he were suffering either. She didn't want to stay in case, by some odd chance, Jax could hear her begin crying. She managed to get up with grace, walk out of the refuge, and then found her steps growing faster as she sought an escape. Her poulaines pounded against checkerboard tiles.
It felt like she'd swallowed a Roman candle with the way heat traveled from her head to her core and the burning energy was trying to seek its way out. When the tears started to brim and blur the passage ahead, she tripped. Though instead of the floor bracing her fall, cold cradled her body. For a moment, she just accepted it, letting out a few cries into the ground before she pushed herself to sit up on her knees. She could see the red of her glove as she wiped the tears from one eye and looked around. She was on the Snowy Summit and an impression of her body was etched into the snow. She'd never been here herself, but she'd seen living memories of the place.
The air soothed the internal burn of her throat just momentarily. "I can't separate you from me!" She shouted over the range, voice cracking. Everything in the circus was just an extension of Jax, somewhere Jax had walked, an experience he'd already had, a memory imprinted everywhere he went, and it seemed that Pomni had the most marks, even if invisible.
Fill me in later.
Be here later
I- I will.
"You were supposed to come back, you jerk!" Her glove clawed at the powdery snow and attempted to compact some into her palm before she threw it, but it wasn't sticking so it was a pathetic cloud that drifted back to the ground. She stared at where it collected on the otherwise untouched snow (aside from the impression of her body) and it all blurred together as the heat that built inside ran down her cheeks. "You were supposed to stay! We were supposed to be in this together, all of us, but especially you and me and I-" she pushed her hands up to her face. "I'm not even the most mad at you." She was mad at herself. She knew Jax. She'd pushed and pushed and pushed. She knew she'd been too much, too annoying, overly optimistic, and always tried to spin a situation for the better, and it'd shoved Jax to his limits more than once, but the one time she didn't- when she let him approach only to say nevermind and then let him walk away, he abstracted.
If she had pushed, maybe he would've grown to resent her like Ribbit, but, "I'd rather you hate me and be here!" It was true. Even if he hated her guts for trying, which she knew part of him did, she'd take that. At least he'd be here.
She still had hope, but it felt like up until that moment that hope had meant not crying, but she realized how stupid that sounded. Tears didn't indicate she was giving up; they just meant she missed him like hell. So she let herself cry. And cry more. Then more. It wasn't until her backlog of tears had run their course that she realized just how cold she'd gotten. Her joints felt stiff as she stood and she took a breath. The circus, specifically the café, sounded like a fix for the chill in her bones and the struggle of her knees.
With some post-crying clarity, she figured she'd subconsciously opened the pathway to the Snowy Summit because her body had felt like it was bound to combust and physically needed to cool down. With a deliberate movement of her hands, the pathway to Cirqúe de Café opened and she stepped in.
She'd expected to be alone, for the others to be asleep, but at the counter was Kinger, hunched over with the bucket on his head tilted slightly so he could see out of it. Based on the faint glow curving around his shoulders she assumed he was on a computer. She hesitated, considering walking out without a word, but she decided against it. Instead, she crossed to where he was sitting and took the stool next to him.
He didn't even look over before giving a little, "hey Pomni." The bucket, notably, had a crown painted on the front, courtesy of Gangle. It made Pomni smile just a bit.
"Hi, Kinger." Admittedly, his presence put her more at ease. He'd been the source of some of the most comforting words she'd received in the circus. "What'cha working on?" She moved her eyes to his computer; Caine had offered to turn the old desktop into something newer, a little sleeker, but Kinger rejected it. Instead, he chose to have Caine compress it all into a briefcase. The lid contained the screen, the bottom holding the actual CPU and keyboard. Kinger seemed to like it, as he would bring the briefcase anywhere in the circus and hang out with the rest of them while using it.
"I've been going through the circus' coding, trying to streamline things where I can." He turned to look at Pomni. "I've also been trying to learn everyone's coding languages."
Pomni tilted her head. She didn't know much about coding, but, "I thought everyone had to work in the same coding language for something to work?"
"Well- in this instance it would be Lisp, but everyone has their own style of coding, like a personal signature in a sense." One of his hands idly gestured. "My coding was fairly straightforward, though I added some of my own flair occasionally. Spike and Bizco always kept theirs fairly standard, so it didn't take long for me to figure out theirs. Rattie was newer to C&A and more used to Java, so some of her coding required some conversions to be applicable." Yeah, Pomni was out of her depth here, but she nodded along, listening to Kinger mention Wormo and then he sighed. "Really the only one I'm having difficulty with is Scratch."
Pomni remembered Scratch. Well, not herself, but she remembered Kinger talking about him. His creativity, unmatched ability to think outside of the box, and the tumor in his head. "In hindsight, sounds like he kind of explains why Caine's the way he is," she tried to sound lighthearted despite how tired she was.
Kinger gave something between a sigh and a chuckle. "Yeah, that'd do it. I can't exactly think like Scratch, but I'm trying my best to at least understand." He turned back to the screen, green lines of code reflected on his eyes, or at least the one visible underneath the bucket rim.
Pomni thought that cued her exit, so she started to stand, but he spoke up. "You can stay, if you'd like. I won't be the best conversationalist right now, but sometimes company is nice, even if it's quiet."
"Oh-" she blinked. "Yeah, okay." She sat back down next to him. Kinger made a small gesture with his hands before a steaming cup of cocoa and a muffin appeared in front of her. "Thanks," left her mouth as she pulled the mug closer. It was a lilac color made warmer by the dustings of cocoa powder over the marshmallow floating on top.
All was quiet other than the clicks of Kinger's keyboard for a few moments as Pomni watched the hot cocoa melt the marshmallow on top.
"Kinger-"
"Pomni-"
They turned to each other at the same time, which earned chuckles out of both of them, but ever the gentleman, Kinger prompted, "what's on your mind?"
Her smile turned more melancholic as a finger traced the rim of the mug. "Jax," she answered. Despite the simplicity of a singular name, the weight behind it was undoubtedly more complex.
Kinger nodded. "That's understandable." He looked away from her, but instead at the monitor, and tilted his head up. "I think about Queenie all the time. It never goes away, not really." Pomni was acutely aware of the comparison- Kinger losing the love of his life to abstraction and assuming Pomni lost hers. And the thought that she'd always feel like this wasn't an encouraging one, but he continued. "It's not bad forever. You're allowed to be sad, to be angry even, but you also need to live and enjoy what they didn't get to." He lifted a hand and a golden butterfly manifested, fluttering around Pomni's head. "Butterflies were her favorite, so I admire them for her." He let it flutter off before it dissipated as quickly as it came into their world. "I live how she would want me to, and it's not a fix, but it's a comfort."
Pomni understood what he meant, though it didn't ease the grief in the moment. "Am I... Does it mean I've already given up on him if I grieve?" She could accept that she could cry without giving up on him, but feeling something so dreadful made her feel otherwise.
"I don't think so. You can mourn an experience," he said. "No one can expect you to act like you did when he was here."
While it was just Kinger's words against her own thoughts, it was a comfort. "Yeah," she nodded. "I don't think any of us are quite the same."
"And that's okay," were Kinger's concluding words as a less tense silence fell between them. He waited a moment to see if she'd respond, but when it didn't come he began to type again.
Pomni finally sipped her drink, the sweet swirl of melted marshmallow and chocolate on her tongue, and thankfully the heat hadn't subsided, warming her in a much more gingerly way than her earlier outburst had. And when she took a bite of the muffin it satiated a hunger that she knew she didn't actually have.
It was quiet, like Kinger had warned it would become, but it was... nice. Eventually she found herself relaxing more and more and...
She didn't know when she fell asleep. She didn't wake up entirely, but she could feel a gentle lull and hands holding her. Too exhausted to open her eyes and far from lucidity, she let herself be carried and after a moment or possibly a few she was laid onto a plush surface. The brush of silky sheets against her spurred the recognition of her own room, though she didn't yet open her eyes. The comforter was pulled over her and even tucked her in.
It took her body a few moments of convincing, but when she opened her eyes, she saw the hunched silhouette of Kinger retreating to the hallway as one hand silently pulled her door shut behind him.
Even if she was struggling without Jax, she still had people to keep her grounded. She sighed softly, closed her eyes, turned to her side, and within a few seconds she was back asleep, taking whatever peaceful rest she could manage.
"Pomni?" There was a knock at the door which brought Pomni out of her sleep, and while she didn't register whose voice it was at first, she slipped out of bed and walked to the door. When she opened it, she tilted her head up to see Ragatha. "Oh no, did I wake you up?" She squished a hand against her cheek, sighing. "Gah- I'm sorry. I can go-"
Pomni shook her head, waking up a little more. "No, it's fine, really." She blinked some sleep from her eyes before she looked back up at her friend. "Is something up?"
"Well, we had an idea for a new adventure and wanted to see if you would like to go." Ragatha overlapped her hands in front of her, waiting in a perfectly polite way.
Pomni never minded the adventures before, but she actually liked them now that Caine let them have more of a hand in making the decisions, and left them open. She nodded. "Oh, yeah? What were you thinking?"
"We figured since you used to explore abandoned buildings, we could do something like that. After all, I don't think we ever got to do one of your adventure ideas before... And it does sound kind of fun," she rubbed the back of her neck with a sheepish smile.
Pomni returned it with a small, though genuine, smile of her own and stepped out of her room. "Yeah, that sounds pretty nice, actually."
Ragatha looked relieved. "Great! Let's go talk to Caine."
"Yeah," Pomni nodded and stepped to Ragatha's side. She snapped and her hat was back on her head. They walked together toward the main area as Ragatha idly chatted about what she, Zooble, and Gangle had been doing all morning. "No Kinger?" Pomni asked.
Ragatha looked down at her. "Well, we saw him earlier today, but he said he was skipping the adventure to hang around here and he disappeared after that." She took a breath. "I'm really not that surprised. Kinger is a lot more introverted when he's in his right mind."
While that was true, Pomni had her suspicions that his missing presence had greater significance than feeling a little antisocial. Though she didn't push and instead nodded. "Yeah, he is. Though I like this Kinger."
Ragatha responded in kind with her own smile. "Me too. I didn't get to properly meet him— well, the real him— until after our shooting competition, and he had some comforting words for me, so I appreciated it.” She paused for a moment, a question regarding her own timeline. “Actually, I think I saw him during the Candy racing game, but I didn't even realize.” Ragatha's voice got a tad softer as her face turned into something a little more tired. "Honestly, it was about you. When I turned you down that day, I thought I ruined our friendship. He reassured me I didn't do anything wrong." Then she looked away. "Sometimes I still think I messed up that day, letting you and Jax get closer when I saw what happened between him and Ribbit. Maybe if-" she shook her head. "No, I shouldn't do that."
Pomni felt her face morph into a smile, but it was sympathy over joy. "Things right now aren't..." She searched for words that didn't understate how she felt, but she didn't want to needlessly cause Ragatha any worry either. "Things aren't what I expected, but getting close to Jax was worth it."
Ragatha was quiet for a moment. She opened her mouth, closed it, searched for the words before she gave it a second chance. "Even if I didn't talk to him, really, since Ribbit, I still miss him. It doesn't feel the same to see someone like Jax be- something so different." She didn't explain how, but Pomni recognized what she meant. Jax had been a boisterous force, even if it was to hide how he was really feeling or to push others away. Now he was this... Thing. It didn't feel like Jax, it had to be kept in the dark, taken care of in a glorified blanket fort.
"I know," Pomni murmured.
Their conversation dwindled away, though it was fine because they entered the main area. Seeing Caine acting the way he was took getting used to; instead of floating above them and making them submit to his ideas, he was laying on the floor, legs kicking the air behind him as he adoringly watched Gangle draw. "You sure are getting better, Gangle!"
Gangle had a mess of papers around the floor, all of which were filled with doodles, some colored and others trapped in the pencil stage. As Pomni and Ragatha neared, Pomni spotted a purple alcohol marker wrapped in the ribbon of Gangle's hand as she colored an illustration. The feeling of someone squeezing the inside of her chest was brief, but there.
"What's up?" Zooble sat on the couch behind the two on the floor, watching, though their eyes looked up to greet Pomni and Ragatha.
"Hey," Pomni greeted. "Sorry, didn't mean to sleep in."
"No big deal.” Their shoulders slightly shrugged. “Gangle has been on a roll this morning, so staying here a little longer didn't hurt."
Gangle finally paused and looked up. "Good morning. I'm almost finished, then we can go."
"No rush," Pomni assured before she sat on the purple couch. Involuntarily she let out a little sigh and watched as Ragatha sat next to Zooble to speak to them.
Caine suddenly disappeared from the floor and appeared next to Pomni. "So-a Pomni, how are you doing my dear?"
She jumped a little, though it didn't take longer than that to regain her cool. "I'm actually well-rested today." She didn't want to reveal too many of her thoughts, so silence lingered for just a moment too long...
"Is that it?" Caine's voice dropped to his less showman-like tone, sounding nearly disappointed.
"I- uh-" her mind floundered for something before she had her eureka moment. "I'm excited for today's adventure. I haven't been able to explore an abandoned building since before the circus. It'll feel nice to do something so familiar even if it has an edge of the unknown." She just barely nodded her head like she was telling herself she did a good job with that quick answer.
Thankfully, Caine was satisfied with that and immediately perked up. "Ever since Kinger brought up the idea, I've been cooking up a world I think you'll love!"
That made Pomni take pause. Earlier Ragatha implied all of them had come up with the idea, and that Kinger parted from them to do his own thing. "Kinger had the idea...?"
“Yupperino! Kinger suggested the idea and said he'd ask how it went later.” He floated close to her, hands on his hips.
“Huh.” Okay, so maybe she was overthinking, but she felt like Kinger was up to something. Not anything bad but- well, something he wanted to keep away from all of them for the time being for whatever reason. Bothered wasn't the right word, but she was definitely interested in whatever was going on. Though she trusted him, so she accepted it. “Well, guess we'll have to find interesting things to tell him about.”
Caine did a little twirl in the air. “That's what I'm talking about!” He turned to look at the two other girls and Zooble. “Whaddya say? Are we ready for this next adventure?”
“Hold on just another second, please,” Gangle squeaked. She was trying to add her finishing touches to the illustration that Pomni couldn't let herself think too much about.
“Alright! I can wait one second!” Caine counted, “one” and then snapped his fingers. Some more human virtues like patience were still a work-in-progress, but they'd all take it compared to a few months prior.
When they all looked around the new world, they were equipped with new outfits to match. Pomni noticed that it wasn't all too different than what she wore in her memories- denim thick enough to handle the dicier situations she'd put herself in, a jacket, a baseball cap, and she could feel the weight of a backpack on her back. She looked up at Ragatha to see her in something a little more like she was about to go on a cold jog than explore a building that could be risky, yet again they couldn't exactly get hurt so it wasn't a big deal. Gangle wore some kind of oversized generic anime hoodie and was gawking at it, calling it cute. It made Pomni smile before she heard Zooble sigh.
“You really think you're funny, Caine.” Zooble looked almost exactly the same, except one of their arms had a flashlight at the end instead of a hand. Pomni had to cover her mouth to stop a small laugh. It was clear Zooble wasn't actually bothered by it, so there was no harm.
Caine spoke up. “Well all of you will need flashlights for this adventure!” He paused. “Except for Gangle. You never leave your partner's side.”
Gangle smiled, a bit of blush on her mask. “Yeah, you're right…”
Pomni looked over in the direction of Caine's voice and this time she actually did laugh. Even Ragatha barked out a laugh before covering her mouth. Never before had any of them seen Caine outside of his ringmaster attire, but apparently his efforts to be a little more compassionate, a little more human-like also meant wardrobe changes like the rest of them.
Caine was dressed like he was ready to hike through the jungle with a pair of beige hiking pants, what probably would've been a green linen button up in the real world, and hiking boots. He had the strap around his neck (Pomni didn't know how to describe it other than that. Caine didn't have a neck really but the strap hung around where a neck would be) for a set of binoculars that would obviously be too small for him. And his little top hat was replaced with a tiny booney hat. “Who’s ready to begin?” All the gusto was back in his voice.
“Caine…” Zooble began. “You know urban exploring isn't like exploring a rainforest, right?” They narrowed their eyes as they really took in the outfit.
“Zooble, my shaped friend, exploration of any sort requires a certain ruggedness-!” he swung his arm for emphasis but…
“Is that why you look like you're ready to swing a machete and cut vines out of the way?” Zooble put their non-flashlight hand on their hip.
Pomni found herself speaking up before she really thought about it. “It's not too bad for this kind of thing.” She turned toward the door of the building to take it in. From the looks of it, the place was probably a factory of sorts. It reminded her of two of the places she'd shown on her YouTube channel before: an old paper mill and a rubber plant that primarily produced tires. She knew the former had been unstable because she'd sprained an ankle by stepping through a faulty board. She assumed Caine knew about those memories, so if she had to guess she figured there'd be some tricky spots inside. With that in mind she glanced at the group over her shoulder and gestured for them to follow, which they did without argument.
They walked up to the doors and with some effort Pomni and Ragatha pulled it open with a puff of dust.
“Wow, Caine, your rendering is getting better,” Gangle complimented, watching light filter through the windows and illuminate the particles.
“Pomni’s old YouTube channel was actually very helpful," Caine politely answered.
So her gut feelings were correct. Caine had pulled inspiration from her experiences. Though the center of the area was a little more vague in source material. One half of the main area was composed of an assembly line, and odd remnants of rubber and metal scrap sat atop rusted conveyor belts. The other half had some industrial equipment that she didn't recognize, but there were piles of burnt, discarded plastic next to each one. Despite the somewhat ambiguous nature of the area, Pomni had a thought that Ragatha voiced. “Oh, this place doesn't look too bad,” she said, sounding relieved.
“Kinda reminds me of a place my friends and I would go in high school. Wasn't much to do where I grew up,” Zooble shrugged.
“Yeah, I tried it a few times in my teens but got more into it when accounting got boring,” Pomni hummed.
They continued walking through the main area until they came to a small corridor. Pomni led the way through it before they emerged into a much darker room. “Oh- what's in here?” Pomni looked back at Caine.
“See for yourself!”
Pomni continued forward with Caine's encouragement before she spotted something shiny in the distance. Immediately, she started to walk over.
“Pomni wait-” Ragatha’s voice followed her but Pomni kept progressing forward. When she got closer she noticed it was a large metal tool cabinet, but sitting on the floor in front of it was a golden key. She looked at the lock on the cabinet, which it clearly didn't belong to. She pocketed it but behind her, she heard Ragatha yell, “what the heck is that?”
Pomni looked back and followed where Ragatha was pointing and in the corner opposite of Pomni was a shadow figure just… standing there. “Oh-” Out of the corner of her eye she saw Gangle hunker down behind Zooble.
“Oh, him?” Caine spoke up. “That's just The Ominous Shadow from The In Between™.” He turned around. “Anyways, I have something to show you all! Follow me.” Caine went toward a different room while Ragatha cautiously looked at the NPC, then Caine, back at the NPC, then ran to Caine.
Gangle whimpered, “I don't think I can ignore him…”
Zooble wrapped one of their arms over Gangle’s shoulders. “C'mon,” followed by, “did he just trademark that?”
Pomni sighed, knowing that was all the explanation she needed and jogged to continue following the group.
So, they all pressed on. The following few rooms weren't anything special before they turned a corner to see two sets of steps that definitely didn't look like they belonged in an abandoned factory but Pomni could forgive it. “One set goes down and the other goes up. Which will you choose?” Caine gestured to both, trying to make each of them seem enticing. When compared, both were dark, though at the top of the ascending stairs she saw a faint, flickering light that colored the wood of the steps a deep pink.
I hate you… you know that? You always have to go and complicate things.
“It's what I do…”
Ragatha turned to look at the jester, tilting her head. “What was that, Pomni?”
Pomni realized she mumbled out loud but to save face she smiled. “Caine said we'd need our flashlights, right? Let's go downstairs.” She slipped her backpack to one arm and pulled it around to get a flashlight. Once it was in her hand, she fixed her backpack, flicked the switch, and led the procession down the stairs.
Ragatha looked over at Zooble and Gangle, but Zooble just shrugged and their flashlight arm lit up. They led Gangle downstairs and Ragatha followed with an uncertain sigh. Caine floated behind her and was more excited than any of them despite knowing what was coming.
Even with all of their lights, it was still a deep dark, but Pomni continued to lead the march. “How long is this corridor exactly?” She asked.
“Just keep walking,” Caine replied, making a shoo gesture to usher them along.
So Pomni did, until in the distance she spotted a door and light bled through the cracks in the frame. She walked toward it and put her hand on the knob. There was a moment's hesitation, but she reminded herself that whatever it was couldn't be that bad, so she opened it and-
The room ahead of them wasn't significantly big- smaller than the entryway at the start, but what stood out more was the graffiti on the walls. Some of it was messy, somewhat jumbled and not fully fledged out, but in the center was the same mural that lived in the circus, so Jax’s face stared at her. But movement caught her eyes and she looked away to see where the light was coming from. A group had frozen at the intrusion, their flashlights illuminating the wall where they were using cans of spray paint.
“Uh, ello,” the most recognizable of them greeted.
Pomni blinked. With how much everything had been lately, for the past months, she hadn't thought about Gummigoo in ages, or at least that's what it felt like. Her eyes flitted briefly to Chad and Max, though went back to Gummigoo. “Hey,” she said. What else could she say? It's not like NPCs were equipped to remember, but she wouldn't object to a friend under the premise of knowing it was temporary. She could at least prepare for him to leave unlike-
“Hi. We're just exploring… whatcha making?” She took a few smaller steps closer.
“Oh, this?” He gestured to the work-in-progress graffiti behind him. “We call ourselves the Gummy Gang and these are-”
“The Sugar Mommas!” Max answered, throwing his arms up in excitement. A spray can lid flew off and bonked Chad on top of the head, making him grunt.
Gummigoo ran a hand down his snout and sighed. “Mate-”
For the lack of intelligence and the accidental hit from his friend, Chad elbowed Max, which hit the shorter in the head.. “We decided on Mother Sweets, remember?”
“Ack—! Oh yeah…”
“These,” Gummigoo ignored the two and continued, “are portraits of our mums.” There was quite the difference in artistic skill across the three. Max had a half-decent painting, with the exception of too fuzzy of edges on some parts and lots of drips, that looked like him except with white on top that Pomni thought would be hair. Chad had a stick figure with a vaguely crocodilian head and a few tulips at its feet. And Gummigoo had what looked like a proper mural of a gator that looked somewhat like himself, but a little more slender glasses perched on the snout, and a sunhat.
Pomni laughed a little, remembering Gummigoo talking about his mom when they were trapped under the map in Candy Carrier Chaos. “Sounds sweet.” She paused before she looked back at him. “Care if we hang around a bit?”
“Not at all,” Gummigoo shook his head. “These are my mates, Max and Chad,” he gestured to them respectively before he looked at Pomni and tilted his hat. “And I, miss, am Gummigoo.”
“I'm Pomni, this is Ragatha,” Ragatha waved, “these are Zooble and Gangle,” Gangle gave a shy nod and Zooble was more nonchalant. “And, uh,” she looked at Caine.
And he was- gone.
Probably for the better that his creations didn't see him. Avoiding a crisis like what happened the first time she met Gummigoo was better for all of their experiences. She looked back at the yellow and green gummy gator. “And it's nice to meet you.”
He tilted his head slightly but nodded after a moment. “Feel free to share paints with me and the lads.”
Pomni nodded. “Will do, thanks.” She then wondered what else was in her bag. She shrugged it off after setting her flashlight on the floor and opened it up. There was more than what should've realistically fit, and suddenly she was grateful for how deceptively lightweight it had been on her back. There was what she recognized as an EMF detector, some kind of audio recorder, and in the bottom was painter's tape, a few cans of spray paint in colors the gators didn't have, and paint markers. Caine had definitely crossed more wires, thinking urban exploring was the same as ghost hunting. They were similar enough that she wasn't surprised by the discrepancy, so she focused on laying out the art materials on the floor and told the Gummy Gang they could borrow their materials too. Pomni then looked up at the portraits of those lost to abstraction. He was everywhere. The smile looking down on her was all encompassing. She wondered how many of the Jax smiles she got familiar with were a bad moment masked with a cocky grin. Though she knew some of those smiles had to be real. Their- whatever it was- the bond they had was real enough to make him smile in a way that had to be genuine. But which smile was it looking down at her? Was the difference between the two already slipping? Was Jax just demoted to some basic archetype? His goal had been to force one on himself but in the end she knew he didn't want that and yet-
“Hey Pomni?” She heard the slightly squeaky voice of Gangle next to her.
Right. She was in a room. A room of graffiti lit up by flashlights and others were there. She took a breath and looked at Gangle with a smile. “Hey, what's up?”
“I, uh,” Gangle looked away from her and at the ground, “was wondering if you'd like to work on this with me.” Her ribbons were folded toward the center shyly, overlapping.
Pomni would be the first to admit that she was surprised by the offer. She and Gangle weren't particularly close, but it's not like Pomni didn't enjoy Gangle's presence either. The ribbon girl was nice, at times kind of hard to talk to because Pomni didn't always know how to react to things she said. Whenever she tried to talk to Gangle in their Spudsy’s adventure, it just ended up in Gangle masking again and Pomni thought she hadn't been much of a help after all. Despite that, she tried not to sound surprised, though she was sure her eyes gave away her surprise. “Yeah— sure, yeah, I’d like to work with you.”
Gangle perked up like she'd expected a different answer. “Great—!” She smiled and wanted to say more, but didn't know the right words, so she gestured for Pomni to follow her. The two settled down on the floor with an area of blank wall space.
As the two started a conversation about what to draw, Zooble watched. They and Gangle had a conversation before about why Gangle didn't talk to Pomni much and it boiled down to how close Pomni was to Jax. And Gangle's feelings on Jax were… complicated. They'd been partners for a lot of things before Zooble ever showed up and after, though it'd always resulted in Gangle being tormented in one way or another. Despite that… Gangle never hated him. She'd found moments here and there that weren't redeeming, but real. The two had shared secrets at one point, shared laughter, and Jax had even divulged his opinions on a few shows, though pretended it never happened after the fact. That made the whole mourning thing even more difficult for Gangle. And it was obvious Pomni was having her own difficulties with coping, so maybe the two could talk about it a bit, help lighten the load of their shared burdens.
At least that's what Zooble hoped for as they watched. Ragatha stepped up to them, keeping her voice quiet so it didn't intrude on the girls.. “I think this is good for both of them. Pomni hasn't really opened up about Jax since right after….” her voice trailed off. She crossed one of her arms over her abdomen, hand wrapping around her other arm. “She needs to more than any of us, I think.”
“I don't know what exactly she saw in Jax,” Zooble sighed, “but I know she took it hard. I can't blame her either. I may not have liked him, but even I can acknowledge it’s different now.” They turned their gaze toward their girlfriend. “Gangle and Jax seemed to be in a weird spot.” They watched as Gangle drew on the wall and said something that made Pomni smile.. “She didn't hate him, just the bullshit he did. For me it's tough to separate the two, but it's not like he ever gave me a chance to think otherwise.”
Ragatha nodded. “It's… complex. Jax and I were friends before, or at least as close as you could be to friends. He was better before the others started to abstract... but you never really got to see that side of him.” She tilted her head down and looked at the cracked concrete floor, shadows running deep in the cracks. “He never handled it well, but Ribbit was the worst of them. He shut down after that. I wish it were different. He threw himself into this archetype that just- it was to protect himself, but hurt everyone else.” She thought of herself. She hated him because he hated her, that he chose to push everyone away, that he could've chosen to stay and to be different, but he didn't.
“Shitty character to play, but I guess I know what you mean,” Zooble relented, shoulders slumped. “What an idiot.”
“Yeah,” Ragatha sighed. “Guess all of us kind of are, though.” Her eyes fell to the drawing Gangle was making on the wall.
It was their group- the old version of their group. Kinger had one hand on top of his head as he looked to his right with a question mark above him as the other hand sat on his hip. Ragatha was laughing, one hand covering her mouth as Pomni stood to her right, though she was looking up at the figure who had an arm resting on top of her head. Jax was leaned down looking like he was giving some lighthearted taunt. Then was Gangle herself, looking up at Zooble with adoration as Zooble held one of her ribbon hands. It was sweet.
Pomni casually watched her draw the group and managed to make idle chatter but she went quiet when she noticed Gangle hone in on Jax’s finer details.
The silence didn't go unnoticed by Gangle. She contemplated for a moment before saying, “I only draw things that mean something to me.”
That caused Pomni to look away from the drawing and at Gangle instead. “Yeah?” She thought that Gangle had hated Jax, and she couldn't fault the girl if she had. Pomni was aware that Gangle received a certain level of taunting that went above what the rest of them got, so she couldn't ever bring herself to be mad at the other girl for that.
“Yeah,” Gangle nodded as she drew in the lines of Jax’s smile. “It's weird but… I miss him.” Her words evaded her for a moment before she took a slow breath. “It doesn't- none of this feels right.” She contemplated her next words. “When Jax first abstracted, part of me was relieved, and I felt guilty about it. Why would I wish for him to…? But after a while, I realized I didn't want him gone. I just wanted us to be friends. I was glad he couldn't mess with me, but things here are just… incomplete.”
That incomplete-ness was what tormented Pomni, but most words felt too far away, so she nodded. “I'd like to think Jax isn't gone forever. And whenever we get him back…” she looked at Gangle and smiled. “We'll let him know that he should be here… that we want him here with us.”
A tear slipped down her mask but she rubbed it away with a sniffle. “Yeah,” she nodded. Gangle took a moment before she continued to work and Pomni quietly got up.
Zooble took their place by Gangle as Pomni found Ragatha spray painting flowers in the odd gaps between artworks on the wall. “What kinds of flowers are those?” Pomni asked.
Ragatha jumped a little before she looked back at the jester. “Oh, these? I'm honestly not too sure of their names,” she chuckled a bit. “They're the flowers I used to see outside of the stables. I'd pick them and make little bouquets when I was younger… until a centipede crawled on me while I was picking some.” She shivered a little, though quickly refocused. “What's your favorite flower, Pomni?”
She had to think about that. “Oh, um…” she tilted her head. She'd liked flowers at a surface level. They were pretty, but she'd never learned much about them. Roses were nice but a little much if you asked her. Sunflowers were pretty nice. But… “Daisies.”
“Why don't you join me then? Paint some daisies.” Ragatha nudged a can of white spray paint to Pomni with her foot.
“Yeah,” she smiled a little, “I will.”
After a decent garden was on the walls, she heard Gummigoo. “Miss, before we go, would you like to maybe add a few of those around our work? I like ‘em.”
Pomni turned to look at where Gummigoo stood. “If you'd like,” she nodded. She crossed to his side of the room and under his directions added a few daisies around the Mother Sweets. The can was empty once she finished the last of them.
“Well would ya look at that? I'd say that's perfect timing, miss.” He looked down at her. “Maybe we'll meet again on another adventure,” he winked. The words were horribly ironic, though he was blissfully naive to that fact.
“Yeah,” she swallowed the lump in her throat, “maybe we will.”
He gave her one last little nod before he gathered Chad and Max. “C'mon lads.”
The gummy gators bid their goodbyes to the rest of the crew before going back up the stairs. Once out of view, Caine popped back in with a puff of smoke, appearing in front of Pomni. “Gee, I thought you would've spent more time talking to Gummigoo. I put him in here just for you.” He scratched the back of his mouth-? head-? Despite his best efforts, he still didn't quite get the human consciousness.
“It was nice to see him, don't get me wrong,” Pomni began, putting her hands up somewhat defensively. “Things are just… different now..”
Caine nodded like he understood, though his immediate shift into enthusiasm confirmed that he didn't totally get it. “Well, how about we go upstairs and show you the rest of the surprises in store?”
“No offense, Caine, but I honestly think I'm ready to go back,” Pomni said.
Ragatha looked a little concerned. “You feeling alright?”
“Yeah, I'm fine,” she waved it off. “Today's been fun, I'd love to come back and finish it. I'm just feeling a little tired is all, really.”
Caine started to ask, “are you sure? I could-” but he remembered his efforts to let them all have more of a say in what happened. “I'll leave that choice up to you all, then.”
“If you guys don't want to go I'm fine with being the only one to leave,” Pomni offered.
Though Zooble shook their head. “Nah, like you said we could always come back. I say we go and come back tomorrow or something.”
“That's fine with me if that's what you really want,” Ragatha agreed.
So it was settled. Caine opened the portal back up so they could all return to the circus’ main area.
As they stepped through, Pomni smiled at the sight of Kinger. She opened her mouth to say hello, but paused herself when she noticed him pacing between the couches. He was muttering to himself, hand under his hypothetical chin as he tried to work through some issue in his head. Clearly it was important enough that their entrance didn't distract him for a moment. So she didn't startle him too bad, she cleared her throat. “Kinger, hi, what's up?”
He made a noise of surprise, even jumped a little before he looked over and calmed down. “You all are back early.” His gaze moved to Caine before he looked back at Pomni. “How was it?”
The group gave various answers that all equated to good and/or alright, but something about this was off and Pomni knew it, so she didn't hold back. “Kinger, what is it?”
Immediately he looked over, though he didn't say anything right away. His eyes followed the group behind her to make sure everyone was present before he said, “I think you should all sit down.”
“Is everything alright?” Ragatha asked. Though she still moved to take her seat on one of the couches. Zooble and Gangle followed, taking seats with each other.
“Just, please, take a seat,” Kinger looked at Pomni, and Caine hovered uncertainly.
She trusted Kinger. She just had to remember that. So she said, “okay,” and took her seat on the purple couch.
Caine was uncharacteristically quiet, though he floated down to a seat, crossed his legs, and patiently waited for Kinger to continue.
All of them stared at the man in anticipation of an answer as he slinked his way to the center of their half-circle. Only one eye was visible beneath the bucket as he pushed his hands together. His eyes went from Zooble, to Gangle, Ragatha, Caine, and ended on Pomni. “I wanted to apologize. I haven't been accompanying you all on many adventures lately, though I've had my reasons.”
Ragatha opened her mouth to tell him it was okay, that apologies weren't necessary, but he held up a hand to silently stop her. She nodded and leaned back in her seat before Kinger continued. “Caine and I have been working closely together to better the quality of life in the circus, as you all know. Part of that has been going through the files in the circus’ programming, making alterations to the code my peers wrote in the origins of this digital world.”
Pomni thought about the conversation she and Kinger had just the day before. He'd mentioned looking through and re-writing code… so what was this leading to?
“All of us are code based on neural scans and function as our own form of AI, similarly to Caine. That's why Caine could alter our minds even when he said he couldn't. It's why we can create objects of our own and be fixed if minor corruptions. This means our decisions, our actions, our evolutions are all logged in a sense.” He began to pace again. “So, I was looking into files of the neural scans and realized something. “The abstractions are a code of their own. A rather tricky one, but…”He took a breath before he looked at Pomni.
“I think we can restore the abstracted.”