Work Text:
“Man just why in the hell are we lifting this stuff?!” Carrying a heavy box filled with drugs a man covered in bright neon green paint turned over to his companion.
Sighing at the whining of his fellow Los Muertos the man shook his head. “Listen Seguir we’ve got stuck on crate duty so now we gotta lift these crates. I don't know what’s so hard to understand.”
Dropping the crate down onto the floor, Seguir turned to his friend. “What’s hard to understand is that we shouldn’t be doing this shit. We should be out there making names for ourselves.”
“Puta! Pick that up, do you have any idea what’s-Argh! Mierda!” Cursing in anger as the Muerto goon felt something sharp enter his exposed arm and pulling it out the man was greeted to the sight of a scalpel with a weird looking black handle. “E-el infierno?” Now standing on shaky legs the man tried to brace himself on the fallen crate but before he had the chance.
BANG!
The man fell over dead alongside his friend as stepping from the shadows were three pairs of oxford shoes belonging to three boys dressed in high quality clothes marched over to the bodies. Pulling down his sunglasses, Eddy let out a whistle as he examined the two corpses. “Nice work with those scalpels Double D, looks like all that time spent in that workshop of yours is finally paying off.”
Rolling his eyes at his friend's words, Edd checked his stock of remaining scalpels as he spoke. “While I’m happy you’re acknowledging my work I wish it was something less to do with killing.”
“Me too Double D .” Agreed the big lug. “All Ed ever gets praised for is blowing stuff up and not his macaroni art.”
“Macaroni art is for babies Ed and you keep making stupid chickens from it!”
“But Eddy, I like chickens.”
“Can you two keep quiet?” Pulling his friends further into the abandoned apartment turned drug den, the group made their way inside stopping inside a nearby room. Closing the door he set his friends down and proceeded to dig through his pockets and pulled out a tablet. “Alright to run over the assignment we’ve been tasked with by our teachers. We have to take out each Los Muertos member stationed here in this drug den with the extra credit being not damaging the drugs.”
“Well ain’t that some shit.” Eddy stated. “Ed literally throws rockets and they expect us to not damage the drugs?”
“Now Eddy I know this seems a bit unreasonable.”
“Yeah Eddy I can just use my bazooka to take them out.” Taking his bazooka from off his back the ginger began to swing it around like a bat not noticing that he was also inches away from bashing in the heads of his heads.
“Hey! Watch it lumpy!”
“Ed! Put that down mister!”
“Oi! Esos cabrones están aquí dentro!”
“FUCK!” Seeing that their yelling caught the attention of the Muretos. The Ed’s stood tall as Eddy readied his Golden Eagle. “Screw the extra credit! We’re getting out of here! ED!”
“On it Eddy!” Grabbing one of the rocket shells from his backpack the ginger lobbed it straight at the door.
BOOM!
Not bothering to wait for the explosion to die down, Ed charged forward through the smoke stepping over the charred bodies of the Muertos. “Sorry.” He apologized as he charged at two goons that arrived in the hallway.
“Gun him down!”
However before the two could even raise their assault rifles the big man was already upon them with his bazooka raised high. “Swing! Batter batter!” And swung it at them full force sending the two flying down the hall most likely with a collapsed lung.
“That’s what I call a homerun!” Eddy yelled out as he rushed forward past the big lug straight towards a group of five. “Now it’s my turn to show off.” Pulling his glasses down the scammer slid on his knees as he fired off five shots directly into their heads. “Woah! I feel alive!” He cheered as he continued his slide. “Oof.” Running into a pair of legs the scammer looked up and was greeted with the grinning face of a Muertos painted purple.
“Gotcha puta!” Reaching down to grab the little bastard the gang member instead fell over onto him as a bullet pierced his skull.
“Gryah!” Eddy yelled out as he tried to push the larger man off of him. “Get this guy off me!”
“Really?” Edd asked as he approached with his Precision Rifle still in his arms. “No ‘Oh thank you Double D for saving my life?’”
“How about I thank you with a really big hug after you get this fucker off me!”
“Oh alright.” Rolling his eyes the man dressed in white turned to Ed who just stood there eating some buttered toast. “Ed, could you help our friend here please.”
“Gotcha Double D!” Pocketing his toast the larger Ed moved over to his friends and with remarkable ease picked up the larger man.
Getting up from the ground, Eddy stretched his back until he heard a crack. “God you think with all these nanobots and shit implanted in us. We wouldn’t have to deal with all these aches.”
“Everything has limits Eddy and besides the man who fell on you looked to be about 240 pounds and that’s not to mention all the implants he has.”
“Yeah, yeah whatever.” Dusting off his black jacket the scammer turned towards his friends who just stood there with their arms wide open.
“Hug?” Ed asked, giving his friend his trademark puppy dog eyes.
“URGGHHH!” Letting out a loud groan Eddy opened his arms and gave his friends a hug. “I know you let me run into that guy so you could get a clean shot.”
“Oh Eddy I would never.”
“Whatever sockhead.”
“Damn it what’s going down there!” When he took this job here in Texas, recently promoted Captain of the Los Muertos Hector Salameco didn’t think shit would get so complicated after all they were supposed to hunker down in this building and wait for the Deadlock to come over and grab the drugs. Not deal with his men getting slaughtered!
“I-i don’t sir these three came in and just started blowing shit up!” Screamed the rookie as he held his submachine in shaky hands.
“Psht, amateurs!” Hector angrily muttered as he made his way down the stairs armed with his trusty machine gun The Gringo Killa. “Couple of Gringo’s bust in and they just start losing their shit I swear once we get back I’m asking for better men.”
“Well if I was you I’d start asking for a bigger casket.” A voice called out from the darkness but before Hector could respond something green was tossed from the dark landing right between his legs and that something was beeping loudly.
“Mierda!”
Jumping backwards in preparation for the grenade going off instead the Captain was greeted with a large cloud of foul smelling smoke that painfully filled his lungs and stung his eyes. “What the fuck is this shit!?”
“It’s called El Mongo. What does it mean I don’t know? But I do know that it hurts like shit right guys?”
“Dear me! Eddy, you should’ve warned us before using it!”
“Could you make me an El Mongo candle Eddy?”
Angered by the taunting thrown at him and the fact these bastards had the gall to ignore him, Hector powered through the painful smoke and raised his gun towards the voices. “Come mierda!”
Yelling out over the sounds over his prized weapon raining down hellfire over his enemies the Captain didn’t let his finger off the trigger until he was out of ammunition and even then he still kept trying to fire. “Huff, huff get me another casing now!” He yelled out to the rookie on the floor still reeling from the pain of the so-called El Mongo. “Stupid white bastards calling it El Mongo they just wanna piss me off.”
“Well my brother calls it that jackass.”
Stab Stab Stab
Looking down at his torso Hector saw three scalpels impaled on his skin and immediately he felt something was wrong as he fell onto his knees. “Wha-what?”
Forcing his head up from the ground the dead man saw a green glow in the darkness illuminate the smiling face of Eddy as he held up a green bazooka that somehow had a sniper and golden desert eagle attached to it.
“Jackpot motherfucker!”
Pulling down on the trigger Eddy gleefully laughed as the dead man let out one final curse as the green energy missile fired from Edwin consumed him and the rest of the hallway in a glorious explosion of bright colors.
“Aw man that was fucking great!” Walking out of the destroyed building with his arms raised Eddy gleefully made his way back to the Ed's armored van.
“Yeah Eddy, that was great, especially with the fireworks at the end.”
Grabbing Ed by his well you can’t call it a tie, it’s more of a red knot. He pulled him closer to his face. “Hell yeah Lumpy! Those fireworks were great! And now we get to head back to base and chill out for the next couple weeks.”
“Yes, yes I know we're all excited but can we please celebrate once we're out of Deadlock territory.” Fiddling around with this holopad the fedora wearing Ed tried to complete the homework they were given but when he did an error message would pop up. “Ugh. Blasted thing.”
“What’s going sockhead. I thought you were a tech wizz?” Eddy taunted.
“Yeah, Mr. Ones and Zeroes, what's the problem?” Ed asked joining Eddy in his taunting of Double D.
“I am not the problem Mister! This holopad won’t register the fact we completed our home-OH DEAR!” Suddenly the blue screen on his tablet flashed a bright red.
“Woah! Cool it Double D what’s happening!” Rushing over to his friend, Eddy snatched the holopad out of his hands and read the message that shook up his friend and now him as well.
As on the holopad in bold words.
WARNING OVERWATCH ATTACK RETURN TO BASE IMMEDIATELY
Anyway for a little bonus here are the Ed's abilities and Ultimates. Their last names and birthday's come from their va's except for Eddy I like McGee as his last name and his birthday is based off Danny Antonucci
Heroes:
Name: Ed Hill
Role: Tank
Sub-Role: Bruiser
Base Of Operations: AAU Base
Birthday/Age: Jan 19 (Age: 24)
Abilities
Primary Fire: Rocket Chuck - Although Ed was given a handmade Bazooka made by his best friend Edd the big lug instead throws the anti-tank ammunition he carries around in his backpack instead.
Ability 1: Batter! Batter! - Instead of just his Bazooka like a normal gun instead Ed swings it like a baseball bat at his enemy causing them to get sent flying back and stunning them if they hit a wall.
Ability 2: Mmmm Toast - Ed gobbles down a piece of butter toast causing him to gain dmg reduction.
Passive: Hard Headed - Ed takes reduced headshot dmg.
Ultimate: BIG TROUBLE! - Ed enters a rage state gaining bonus fire rate, reduced cooldowns, reduced dmg and immunity to stuns but not knockback.
Name: Edd Vincent
Role: Support
Sub-Role: Tactian
Base Of Operations: AAU Base
Birthday/Age: Oct 5 (Age: 24)
Abilities
Primary Fire: Precision Rifle - A sniper rifle similar to Ana but Edd’s can switch from regular bullets to healing antibiotics at a moments notice.
Ability 1: Anti Scalpel - Edd throws one of three modified scalpels that causes bleeding and prevents healing for a short period.
Ability 2: Experimental Healing - Pressing a button hidden in his glove Edd lets off a pulse of healing that gives temporary overhealth.
Ultimate: The Turr-ED - Named by Eddy the The Turr-Ed fires off anti-healing bullets while providing a healing aura to those nearby it. Edd can almost mount the turret to gain dmg reduction and while on it the bullets can also heal teammates.
Name: Eddy McGee
Role: Damage
Sub-Role: Specialist
Base Of Operations: AAU Base
Birthday/Age: Feb 27 (Age: 24)
Abilities
Primary Fire: Golden Eagle - A modified Desert Eagle made by Edd with more accuracy for long ranged exchanges it’s been painted Gold. (Although Eddy claims it is made from actual Gold.)
Ability 1: Move It! - Eddy dashes in a short direction; he can also slide on his knees and fire shots from his eagle.
Ability 2: El Mongo! - Eddy throws a poison grenade based on his brother’s stink bomb. The grenade provides cover but also damages enemies that come in through it.
Ultimate: Edwin! - Eddy borrows (steal) his best friend's weapon to form Edwin a multifunctional gun powered by one of Edd’s prized inventions the portable Energy Reactor the weapon functions as a bazooka, sniper rifle, machine gun and shot gun.