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all the reasons why

Summary:

You enrol in UA high school with one intention: make your classmates shine before killing yourself. But that entire plan is pretty quickly turned on its head. Here are all the reasons why.

Chapter 1: we can't wait to see what you do next

Summary:

CW: suicidal thoughts, near suicide attempt, implied child abuse, mentioned controlling parental behaviours, negative self-talk

Chapter Text

The disc was cold against your palm. Almost as cold as the wind nipping at your face as you rested your elbows on the railing of the bridge that overlooked the river running by your apartment complex. It was filthy- nothing but scum to make the other rivers in the city look better.

 

Just like you.

 

You weren’t exactly sure how to get the contraption to work and play your inevitable death sentence, so you’d been fiddling with it for a while now to no avail. Under your numb fingers, something slid and clicked into place.

 

“Young Y/N!” The voice that pierces through the night causes you to drop the disc. It is only your reflexes that save it from falling into the polluted muck that is the poor excuse for water below. “Last week, you gathered the immense courage to participate in the UA High School entrance examination!” All Might. The number one hero and the man that shines the brightest in this world. In other words, he is your polar opposite. Getting ready for what has to come next, you swung one leg over the railing, then the other. It was painful to sit on the cold, unforgiving bite of the metal, but trivial things like that wouldn’t matter soon. 

 

“I am here to deliver the news you have been waiting for!” You shifted your weight forward, holding onto the metal bar below you with one hand and holding the holographic disc in the palm of the other. Did normal people always sound this cheerful? “With 28 villain points and 52 rescue points totaling 72 in all…” That gave you pause. It was more than you had expected. “The UA hero course is pleased to welcome you into the next academic year! Congratulations on placing fourth place in the entrance exam!” All Might’s projected face beamed at you, “Diving in, even recklessly at risk to yourself, to save others, taking advantage of your surroundings to use your quirk effectively… You have the makings of a great hero, L/N Y/N. We, the UA staff, can’t wait to see what you do next!”

 

The hologram flickered off, leaving you alone in the dark once more. Stunned, you let a moment pass before flopping  backwards onto the concrete without much care for the pain it brought to your shoulders and back. There would probably be a nasty bruise the next day, but when didn’t you have one of those on you? Overcome with shock and an unfamiliar, giddy feeling, you burst out laughing. “What the fuck,” you giggled incredulously, “What the actual fuck.” Chest heaving, you pinched the holographic disc between your thumb and forefinger, raising it into the moonlight. “What the fuck, I actually did it.”

 

As much as you longed for it, death could wait until the end of high school. You had a job to do.

 

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“L/N-san! I heard you also got into UA!” A voice snapped you out of your daze. You glanced up at the ball of brown-haired sunshine that was Uraraka Ochaco. Class 3C. Sat two desks to your right then one to the front. Quirk: Zero Gravity. She had a pretty high rank in the class and year group, with her sights set on becoming a hero. Because of that, she had also applied for UA high school and got in. Though you’d never made an effort to get to know your classmates, since Uraraka was one that would be carrying over with you to high school and therefore was one of the people you intended to be responsible for helping, you nodded, pushing your bangs out of your face. The gauze on your palm brushed against your bandaid-covered temple.

 

Mistake number one. Never draw attention to evidence.

 

“Are you hurt?” frowned Uraraka, “What’s with all the bandages? You didn’t have them yesterday.”

“I fell.” It was a half-truth. You had fallen over the previous day on the bridge, but that wasn’t the cause of the injuries that your classmate was now pointing out. Those were from your uncle’s fit of drunken rage last night.

“It must have been a really bad fall!” Living up to her last name, Uraraka breezed over it with her cheeriness. Good.

“It was.” An awkward lull in the conversation ensued, and she fidgeted, clearly unsure of what to say.

 

Mistake number two. Never make people uncomfortable.

 

“Did you have a nice evening?” Your voice came out a touch more mechanical and scripted than regular conversation that you observed among your classmates, but it was good enough to fill the silence and amend your error.

“I did, actually! Mom and dad were really proud of me for getting into UA, so we had a nicer dinner than usual.” Her words reminded you of the fact that you hadn’t eaten anything all day.

“That’s nice. What did you-” A loud grumble from your stomach interrupted you. Shit timing.

“Oh no, are you hungry?”

 

Mistake number three. Never make people worry about you.

 

“No, it’s alright.”

“But your stomach was really loud just now!” protested Uraraka, “Hey, since we’re going to be schoolmates again next year and all, do you want to get dango together after school? Also as a kind of celebration for getting into UA!” You turned over the idea in your head. On one hand, if you weren’t home immediately after school, your father would be furious. On the other, it would be good to get a better grasp on what kind of person Uraraka was to determine how best to make her shine the way she deserved.

 

You made up your mind. Uraraka was more important than you were.

 

“Okay. Sure.”

“Great! Then we can go as soon as period six ends- I know a really great place with good prices. See you, L/N-san!” She hopped over to her desk, and you frowned, confused.

 

But we’re still in the same classroom?

 

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Brown soy sauce glaze clung to your lower lip and you probably looked like an idiot, but you didn’t really care. All your personal rules forgotten, you took another bite. “This is… good.”

“I know, right?” Uraraka chewed on her own stick of dango- hanami style. Though it was still late February, the tri-colour variety was selling in various yatai to appeal to tourists. “I can’t believe you’ve never tried dango before! Especially when you’re fully Japanese.”

“Father doesn’t let me have sweets,” you didn’t realise what you had said until Uraraka was blinking at you, “Often. Doesn’t let me have sweets often. Because it’s bad for your health.”

“Your dad is really health-conscious, huh?” You internally breathed a sigh of relief when your classmate seemed to not make a big deal out of it.
“Yeah,” you rubbed the back of your neck.

“I don’t get to have treats too often either, since we don’t have a lot of money. But one day I’ll become a pro-hero and make enough to support my parents and myself.” Determination burned in Uraraka’s eyes. She had the will and the strength to shine, and you could make her brighter. You decided then that Uraraka would be your priority. A little late, you realised you hadn’t said anything in response to her words.

 

Mistake number four. Never make people think you don’t care about them.

 

“I hope you get it. Your dream,” you said flatly. For a moment, you feared your blank inflection would hurt Uraraka’s feelings, but she didn’t seem to mind.

“Thanks, L/N-san. You too. What’s your dream?” The question gave you pause. Simple as the answer was, it wasn’t something you could really go telling others. I want to be a stepping stone for the next generation of great heroes. I want to burn to make others shine.

“I want to help others,” you gave a softer variation of your thoughts.

“Wow, that makes me feel a little bad for my dream being money,” laughed Uraraka.

“Don’t,” you looked up from your battered shoes for the first time since the conversation and locked eyes with her, “You want to make money for your family. That’s as honorable a dream as any other.”
“It’s just a joke, but thanks anyway, L/N,” she smiled. Fuck.

“Oh. Right.”

 

Mistake number five. Never misinterpret social cues.

 

You’d been talking with Uraraka for barely an hour in total, but you had already made five mistakes. If you kept going like this, she probably wouldn’t want to spend time around you in high school, making your job all the more difficult. You made a mental note to review your notes on social interaction as soon as you got home. Speaking of home, if you didn’t get back soon, things would be bad. You quickly chewed and swallowed the last of your dango before clearing your throat. “Uraraka-san, do you know what time it is?” She flipped her phone open.

“Four-twenty one, why?”

“My curfew’s in nine minutes. I think I have to go.” Lie. Your curfew was twenty one minutes ago, but four-thirty was more reasonable and easier to explain than four o’clock in conversations with classmates.

“That early?” Uraraka seemed, to your surprise, disappointed.

 

Mistake number six. Never disappoint others.

 

“Sorry,” you tossed your bamboo skewer into a nearby bin, “Mother is sick, so I have to be home a lot.” Your mother was sick- but it wasn’t anything that required you to be home. In fact, it would technically be better for her if you weren’t. But you needed an excuse for your father’s demands.

“Oh. I hope she gets better soon. It still seems kind of unfair that you have only an hour outside of school. Do you live near school?”

“I live about thirty minutes away from campus. But it’s closer to here.” It really wasn’t, but you didn’t want your classmate to feel bad.

“By walking?”

By jogging. “Yeah.”

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow at school, then!” Uraraka patted you on the back with her free hand. “Oh, wait! Let me give you my phone number-”

“Oh- I- uh, I don’t have a phone,” your face burned at the admission. It felt so abnormal to be a teenager in this day and age without a phone.

“Do you have an email, then? Outside of your school one?” You shook your head.

“Well, then I guess we’ll have to stay in contact through that when we’re not in school, huh?”

“I don’t have a computer.” She blinked.

“That’s fine! We’ll figure something out. It was nice hanging out with you, L/N!”

 

As you walked away, you wondered, ‘We’re friends?’