Chapter Text
“Could I play with you guys?”
The group of young boys looked at the white-haired giant in awe. It took a few beats of shocked silence before one of them spoke up. “Oh–uh, yeah! We were short one anyways so…” He faltered for a moment, still surprised that the tall boy actually spoke to them, “You can join my team.”
“What?! Now the teams are really uneven. He should join ours!”
“No, Takamura can join yours. We’ll have Nagi.”
“Wait, that’s not fair!–”
‘What a pain,’ Nagi thought, idly watching the group of boys argue over which team he should join. ‘It doesn’t really matter much anyway…’
Safe to say Nagi was still salty after being eliminated from Blue Lock. He had approached the group of boys in hopes to find a distraction from all of the feelings that had been bombarding his brain for the past few days, but after finally starting the game and taking control of the field easily (especially with the small group that they had), Nagi soon realized this wasn’t going to work. Why would it? It reminded him too much of that life he had just left behind, bringing back too many bittersweet memories.
After being fed amature passes and making a few low-effort goals, Nagi decided to leave. A small, supposedly friendly match that only wanted flashy goals out of him wasn’t going to do him any good. He made a simple excuse and left quickly, leaving the boys disappointed, but he didn’t really care. He didn’t really care about anything much these days.
‘There’s nothing to do… this is such a pain.’ He thought to himself, routinely making his way to the local arcade to entertain himself for the rest of the afternoon. ‘I need something for dinner too…eating’s such a pain as well…if only I didn’t need to eat, then I wouldn’t have to make an extra stop.’ He pouted.
The wind picked up for a second, swaying Nagi’s already tousled hair. He took a second to appreciate the nice weather before certain thoughts started to resurface.
“If Reo were here, he would feed me…”
That thought was meant to be just that–a thought–but it ended up forming into words anyway. His mood shifted. Eyes morphing from casually indifferent to emotionally melancholy in just seconds. ‘I’m just gonna go home, I’m not feeling it today.’ He declared internally, making the turn towards his apartment.
More thoughts began to invade. Memories, feelings, things that he couldn’t seem to put a finger on or have enough energy to deal with. But they came anyway.
“If Reo were here, we would be riding my bike home together, or even taking his fancy rich limo…”
“Or no, we’d be practicing at this time…It’s still too early in the day, we’d still have so many plays to go through…’
‘Reo would look so passionate, so happy…’
Before Nagi even realized it, he had arrived home, the few bags of groceries Ba-Ya had left waiting for him at the door. He knew it was an act made out of pity but he appreciated its consistency throughout the few weeks he’d been home.
‘Home…’
He stepped into his apartment, looking around at the stillness.
‘This home feels colder and colder every day that I return…’
In contrast, he felt hot tears roll down his cheeks softly, imitating the warmth he remembers and deeply misses. He gently touched his cheeks, acknowledging the tears.
“Reo…”
The whisper of his name is the only thing that left Nagi’s lips before he collapsed at the door, allowing the tears to stream freely now. His feelings went wild.
‘I miss you…’
‘I miss when you took care of me, played with me, talked with me about anything–’
‘I miss your smile, your happiness, your color that you brought into my life–’
‘I miss being with you, whether it's outside of soccer or not–’
‘How–no–why do I feel this way?’
He took a second to consider, opening his eyes to find his hands and clothes stained with his tears. He sniffled, wiping any traces of vulnerability off his face and putting himself back together.
‘No. I can’t be like this.’
A moment of realization passed.
‘Oh, now I know how you felt…’
He got himself settled and comfortable inside his apartment, trying to avoid any lingering feelings from his breakdown. Suddenly, a peculiar thought formed.
‘Love…’
‘I love Reo, don’t I?’
He paused.
‘That’s right, we’ve loved each other for a while now, that’s why I feel this way.’
His body allowed him a small moment of relief before the unbearable feelings started to approach again. He shook his head aggressively in an attempt to suppress them, but his thoughts betrayed him once more.
‘Have I ever told him that?...’
Realization came crashing down on him, disappointment forcing his palm to his face frustratedly.
‘No wonder we’ve been so rocky ever since, I’ve never even told him I love him.’
‘After all he did for me too…man, I must be such a hassle for him.’
That last thought left a tension in his chest, but he ignored it. He picked up his phone, scrolling through his list of contacts that he’d been reluctant to open ever since leaving, for a good reason. After battling the memories back into hiding, he found Reo’s contact not far from the top.
He clicked on it, only to be met with the words:
“This user is no longer accepting messages from this account.”
Once he reached the end of that sentence, the tension had bore a hole in his chest, the impact of pure shock hitting him like a bullet to the heart. His vision obscured, heavy tears pooled in his eyes before making their way down his face.
‘No…’
His pleas soon turned from simple cries to ugly, uncontrollable sobs. He knew they’ve been rocky but he never thought it could get to this. Had he really been too late? Is there really no chance for him to apologize anymore? Has Reo completely given up on him now?
He tried to justify himself, saying, “I thought we made up already, we were playing fine in that last match–in fact, he wanted me there, he didn’t want me to leave–’
His sobs temporarily cut off his thoughts, gasping in between them in a desperate attempt to calm down, but ended up making it worse, causing him to hyperventilate instead.
‘But we never talked about it, maybe that’s why–why didn’t we talk about it? We could’ve been fine now but–’
But it was futile, and he knew it.
With thoughts like those, he finally put down his phone and simply cried, the unforgiving tears compelling him to sleep.
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The crowd roared as Nagi stepped into the stands, hearing the names of his friends fill the stadium. Having come here for one reason and one reason only, he rushed to the balcony fence separating him and the players on the field. Fortunately, he sees Reo tying his hair not far from the bench, about to step into the game.
Nagi has never had much of a loud voice. Never really needed it until now. He mustered all of the vocal strength he had to shout,
“Reo!”
As Reo continued walking, Nagi prepared to call out for him again before Reo suddenly turned around. Seeing those gorgeous purple eyes again made his breath hitch in awe, but as they locked eyes, Nagi knew: this was his last chance. Afraid the crowd might drown out his words, he shouted with all the strength he could find to say,
“I’m sorry, Reo…”
“…and I love you”