Work Text:
Dave sits on the couch. Karkat is not home yet. It just so happens that today, the 12th of June, is the Earth day that Karkat has decided on as his wriggling day, as it's the closest analogue.
Dave idly wonders if he should do anything about that. They didn't do anything last year, of course; if they celebrate, it's only every other year, so that it's closer to a sweep. But even on the right years, it's rare for them to do anything besides watch Karkat's favorite terrible movies.
While pondering this, he sees something he hasn't seen in a long time: himself, appearing in front of him.
DAVE: woah
DAVE: the fuck
DAVE: hi
DAVE 2: sup
DAVE: i should be asking that
DAVE: thought we stopped time traveling
DAVE 2: we did
DAVE 2: but heres the plan
DAVE 2: you, me, 6 more daves, karkat wriggling day party
DAVE 2: does that sound great or what
DAVE: that does sound great
DAVE: but uh
DAVE: obviously its kind of a futile effort to argue but why start time traveling again
DAVE 2: well its not like we can fuck anything up
DAVE 2: nothing weve done for the past like 20 years has mattered on an existential level
DAVE 2: you have god tier time powers why not use them
DAVE 2: let loose. have a harmless party with a room full of daves every now and then
DAVE: well damn youve convinced me
DAVE 2: if i didnt successfully convince you i wouldnt have been able to try
DAVE: hahaha i didnt miss the confusing bullshit we say sometimes
DAVE 2: anyway get ready
DAVE 2: where doing it man
DAVE 3: sup
DAVE 4: sup
DAVE 5+6+7+8: sup
DAVE: feels like im back at the stock exchange
DAVE 2: hope youre well rested the partys like an hour long and you gotta do it 8 times
DAVE 2: uh i actually dont know how that goes this is only my second time
DAVE 2: dave 8 how you feeling
DAVE 8: im so tired
DAVE 2: k itll be fine
DAVE 5: hey we gotta prepare or its not gonna be much of a party is it
DAVE 3: ill order pizza
DAVE 7: get a meat lovers
DAVE 3: yes just in case i forgot our preferences
DAVE: how long until karkat gets home
DAVE 2: about 5 minutes
DAVE: oh shit
DAVE: we dont have like streamers or anything
DAVE 2: our presence is enough
DAVE: what about our presents or lack thereof
DAVE 2: karkat doesnt give a shit you know this
DAVE 6: ok everyone hide
All of the Daves duck out of view of the front door. After several minutes in uncomfortable positions, the door creaks open.
KARKAT: I'M HO-
DAVE: HAPPY BIRTHDAY
DAVE 2+3+4+5+6+7+8: HAPPY WRIGGLING DAY
DAVE: SHIT
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK.
KARKAT: A SURPRISE WRIGGLING DAY PARTY? YOU KNOW I DON'T DO PARTIES.
DAVE 3: oh come on i had to do something
DAVE 3: its even on an odd year just like you like it
DAVE 8: karkat ive seen the future seven times and you might not like it but by the end of it this is the best wriggling day youve ever had
KARKAT: URGH.
DAVE 4: pizzas on the way
KARKAT: OH SHIT. FOR REAL?
KARKAT: MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING REDEEMABLE ABOUT THIS SITUATION.
KARKAT: BUT SERIOUSLY, WHY ARE YOU TIME TRAVELING? I THOUGHT YOU SWORE IT OFF.
DAVE: he convinced me
DAVE 2: i convinced him
KARKAT: WOW, WHAT A TERRIBLY UNHELPFUL EXPLANATION.
KARKAT: WHATEVER. LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED ALREADY.
KARKAT: AND I MEAN THE LITERAL MEANING OF THOSE WORDS, NOT AS AN IDIOM.
DAVE: well what do you wanna do first
DAVE: youre the wriggly... boy... ok i was going for like birthday boy but that sounds fucking vile
KARKAT: NEVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN.
KARKAT: UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO CALL YOU PLACENTA BOY ON YOUR BIRTHING DAY.
DAVE: eugh
KARKAT: WELL DO YOU HAVE ANY FESTIVITIES, OR ANYTHING AT ALL PLANNED.
DAVE: no
DAVE: do we?
DAVE 4: no
KARKAT: NOT EVEN ANY DESSERT?
DAVE: karkat it was on fairly short notice my future self just appeared in front of me 7 minutes before you got here
KARKAT: OK, I GUESS THAT'S FAIR.
KARKAT: WAIT, YOU WEREN'T GOING TO DO ANYTHING AT ALL WITHOUT A DEUS EX FUTURE DAVE MOTIVATING YOURSELF TO GET OFF YOUR ASS?
KARKAT: YOU'RE MAKING MY PUMP BISCUIT MALFUNCTION.
DAVE 6: do you wanna party or not whats on the agenda
KARKAT: SHOULDN'T YOU KNOW?
DAVE 6: of course i know but you have to say it
KARKAT: THEN CAN WE WATCH MY FAVORITE MOVIE.
DAVE: we can always watch your favorite movie
DAVE 5: ill get it
Everyone gets comfortable. 2 Daves are on the couch with Karkat, putting him in the middle, while the rest sit in increasingly ridiculous places around them.
KARKAT: THIS FEELS WRONG. CAN ONE MORE OF YOU SIT DOWN SO I'M NOT IN THE MIDDLE.
DAVE 5: yeah dave 1 make room
DAVE: (scoot)
KARKAT: THAT'S BETTER.
DAVE: you know its a fucking miracle that some of the only pieces of troll culture to survive near extinction were all the movies that you guys brought onto the meteor apparently
DAVE: really dont know what we wouldve done without those
KARKAT: AT LEAST THEY'VE BEEN TRANSLATED NOW, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO WATCH THE WHOLE THING IN ALTERNIAN WHILE I KINDLY PAUSE TO EXPLAIN THE PLOT TO YOU.
DAVE: yeah i dont know how i stood that for 3 years
DAVE: mustve just been for the soothing tranquility of your voice
KARKAT: IF YOU SAY SO.
DOORBELL: RING
DAVE 7: the pizzas here
KARKAT: I'LL GET IT.
The poor troll kid delivering the pizza goes through many stages of shock, first realizing that they're delivering to Karkat Vantas, then seeing not one but several Dave Striders behind him. They leave without a word but:
PIZZA DELIVERY: have a nice day sir... sirs
Dave 6 waves at them as they leave.
KARKAT: JUST SO YOU KNOW, I AM GETTING AT *LEAST* HALF OF THIS FLAVOR DISC. YOU CAN'T USE TIME TRAVEL CLONES AS AN EXCUSE TO TAKE MORE.
KARKAT: MAYBE I'LL EVEN TAKE AN EXTRA SECTOR. IT'S MY WRIGGLING DAY.
DAVE: fiiine yeah take as many as you want
DAVE 4: i coulda split it evenly amongst myselves and youd get none
KARKAT: SEE? I CAN'T LET YOU EXPLOIT YOUR POWER LIKE THAT.
KARKAT: YOUR GREED SICKENS ME.
The flavor disc is nutrition plateau'd.
Every now and then, Dave passes a slice to himself in the middle of eating it. Which unambiguously makes for a worse eating experience, but it's the funniest way to go about this.
DAVE 4: damn it feels weird to eat half a slice of pizza and then hours later its still hot
DAVE: cant wait to get there
DAVE: man i know it wasnt a thing on alternia but i still feel bad every time i dont get you anything for your wriggling day
KARKAT: YOU THINK WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW DOESN'T COUNT? WHY SHOULD IT HAVE TO BE A PHYSICAL THING.
KARKAT: BESIDES, YOU GET ME THINGS ALL THE TIME THE REST OF THE Y- SWEEP.
KARKAT: I COULDN'T COUNT HOW MANY TIMES YOU'VE COME HOME AND PUT SOME STUPID THING IN MY HANDS.
DAVE: thats true
DAVE: maybe ill start accumulating all the sweet merchandise i scrounge up and save it
DAVE: so i can give you all of it at once each wriggling day
KARKAT: DON'T DO THAT. THAT WOULD BE THE MOST POINTLESS THING TO EVER COME OF HUMAN TRADITION.
DAVE: haha no dont worry the random shit pile of yours will never stop from getting taller
KARKAT: OK I'M DONE EATING. HERE'S MY CRUST.
DAVE: hell yeah
DAVE: tonight daves we dine like kings
He passes Karkat's 4 pieces of crust between himself and the 3 closest Daves. They raise their crusts high and clink them together.
DAVE 1+3+5+8: cheers
KARKAT: HAHAHA THIS IS SO STUPID. YOU'RE SO STUPID.
DAVE: so how old are you after this one
KARKAT: THIS IS MY UH... 16TH WRIGGLING DAY, I THINK. I DON'T KNOW. IT'S HARD TO KEEP TRACK WHEN A SWEEP STOPS BEING A MEANINGFUL UNIT OF TIME.
KARKAT: WHAT'S YOUR AGE IN YEARS AGAIN
DAVE: 39 (holy shit)
KARKAT: ... OH, IT'S ACTUALLY MY 18TH THEN. EXACTLY. (JEGUS FUCK)
DAVE: hey thats a big milestone number for humans
DAVE: youre a legal adult now
DAVE: you could uh... buy weed
DAVE: i think
DAVE: lmao im 39 and my partner is 18
KARKAT: MAYBE DON'T TWEET THAT ONE.
DAVE: nah it wouldnt be funny since nobody uses sweeps anymore except you
DAVE: the joke has to be gettable
DAVE: why do you even use sweeps still
KARKAT: "OLD HABITS DIE HARD"... IS WHAT I WOULD SAY, BUT IT REALLY WANTS TO DIE.
KARKAT: I WILL NEVER USE YEARS OUT OF PURE SPITE. IT DOESN'T EVEN MEAN ANYTHING! IT'S A SWEEP BECAUSE THE PLANET SWEEPS AROUND ITS STAR!
KARKAT: AND ALSO... YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE "MY CULTURE IS PRACTICALLY EXTINCT ON THIS PLANET" THING.
DAVE: oh
DAVE: yeah that makes a lot of sense
KARKAT: I'M GONNA KEEP HOLDING ONTO IT BY THE MEMBRANE OF MY CHEWNUBS UNTIL I DIE. EVEN IF IT'S JUST BY CONTINUING TO USE OUR OBJECTIVELY BETTER TERMINOLOGY.
KARKAT: IT IS NOT A PIZZA, IT IS A FLAVOR DISC! UNLESS YOU'RE A SNOBBY HIGHBLOOD WITH YOUR NUG UP YOUR SPINAL CREVICE, IT IS NOT A FRIDGE, IT IS A THERMAL HULL!
DAVE: haha my bad on those ones
KARKAT: NO, THIS ONLY APPLIES TO TROLLS. I FEEL LIKE YOUNG TROLLS DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS AT ALL AND IT MAKES ME FEEL FUCKING AWFUL!
DAVE: if youre that passionate you could be a teacher or something teach em alternian
KARKAT: JUST BECAUSE I CLONED SOME GRUBS ONCE DOESN'T MEAN I'M GOOD WITH WIGGLERS.
DAVE: still im sure theres like linguists out there would be all kinds of into asking you about the language
DAVE: seen as youre one of two living sources on the planet
DAVE: historians even
KARKAT: YEAH THAT'S TRUE.
KARKAT: MAYBE I'LL TALK TO SOME OF THEM. MAYBE PEOPLE WON'T BE SO WRONG ABOUT HISTORY WITH ME AROUND.
DAVE: that is a pretty tall order
DAVE: godspeed
KARKAT: I NEED TO HIT THE LOAD GAPER. BE RIGHT BACK.
DAVE: ok
DAVE 5: dave 1 you should call june while hes in there
DAVE 7: put it on speaker
DAVE: ok
PHONE: beep beep beep
JUNE: hey dave! what's up?
DAVE 5: hey june you should come over
DAVE 2: hang out
DAVE 6: wish karkat a happy wriggling day
JUNE: oh, are you having a party?
DAVE 4: nah just hanging out
JUNE: oh, ok.
JUNE: why does it sound like you're like... moving the phone in between every sentence?
DAVE 3: what no why would i do that
DAVE: (lmao)
JUNE: i don't know...
JUNE: anyway, i'll come over. it's not like i was doing anything today.
JUNE: bet i can make it in 10 minutes tops.
DAVE 7: sick
JUNE: bye bye! see you soon!
DAVE 8: seeya
PHONE: beep
DAVE: good work boys
DAVE: up top
KARKAT: I'M BACK- WHY ARE YOU HIGH FIVING YOURSELVES.
DAVE: oh nothing
KARKAT: YOU ALL STOOD UP AND MOVED. I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE OF YOU IS MINE ANYMORE.
DAVE 3: aw arent we all yours
KARKAT: I MEAN THE FIRST ONE. THE ONE WHO'S DOING THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME WITH ME. SO I CAN SIT NEXT TO HIM. THAT'S WHAT I MEANT. GOD.
DAVE: hahaha probably me considering im the one in the middle with all the others crowded around
KARKAT: OH. YEAH THAT'LL DO IT.
DOOR: knock knock
DAVE 6: there she is
DAVE 4: ill get her
JUNE: hey dave and karkoh my god.
JUNE: why are there like 5 daves behind you. am i interrupting something?
DAVE 4: no not at all come in
DAVE: yeah great to see you
KARKAT: EGBERT, SAVE ME. I AM SUFFOCATING IN STRIDERS.
DAVE 3: we still have pizza
KARKAT: NO THE FUCK WE DON'T. THE LAST SECTOR IS MINE.
JUNE: actually, this explains a lot...
JUNE: but i thought you stopped time traveling?
DAVE: so did i
DAVE: but he convinced me
DAVE 2: i convinced him
JUNE: it doesn't sound like it took much convincing.
DAVE: yeah honestly the idea to start again has kind of been in the back of my mind
DAVE: prime shenanigan opportunities you know
JUNE: haha, yeah. i'd get up to so many shenanigans if my powers didn't risk breaking reality.
KARKAT: I LIKE HOW YOU TOOK MORE TIME (HA) TO EXPLAIN THE TIME TRAVEL SITUATION TO HER THAN ME.
DAVE: my bad bro
DAVE: i am a man of the bit
KARKAT: I MEAN I FIGURED THAT WAS THE CASE.
KARKAT: JUNE ARE YOU COMING IN OR NOT?
JUNE: oh, yeah.
JUNE: if there's room on the couch here...
DAVE 5: ill just float
JUNE: oh okay. works for me.
DAVE 7: i need to get something to eat brb
DAVE 7: time loops catching up to me
Dave 7 slinks off to the kitchen. After a moment, June follows him.
JUNE: i wanted to get something too, if that's alright.
DAVE 7: nah ill make you some
DAVE 7: i hope nachos sound good cause thats what we end up eating
JUNE: nachos do sound good, thanks.
DAVE 6: hey i want nachos!
DAVE 7: be patient youll be me in an hour
JUNE: i guess i'll hang around.
DAVE 7: fine by me
JUNE: so... how's the time loop treating you?
DAVE 7: its pretty damn exhausting
DAVE 7: this is my seventh time around
DAVE 7: i mean spending time with karkat never gets old even several times over
DAVE 7: but at this point its mostly making sure it goes well for my past self
DAVE 7: which i know is a success of course
DAVE 7: oh hey i actually dont know how this conversation goes since i only listened in a little bit
DAVE 7: so everything here is 100% authentic dave
JUNE: it's not otherwise?
DAVE 7: everything else i say past the first loop is at least a little bit fake because i heard myself say it before
JUNE: huh.
JUNE: time travel is still confusing as ever.
DAVE 7: yep
JUNE: what'd you just put in that little bowl?? looks... euughh.
DAVE 7: grub sauce
DAVE 7: for when i give karkat the leftovers
DAVE 7: wanna try some
JUNE: er... no thank you.
DAVE 7: its not nearly as disgusting as it looks
DAVE 7: just dip your finger in a bit make sure a grub wriggles on and taste it
JUNE: they're LIVE?!
DAVE 7: lmao no im just messing
JUNE: oh.
DAVE 7: nachos are ready
JUNE: that was fast.
DAVE 7: see june the microwave is fast but something they dont tell you about god tier time powers is you can make it even faster
JUNE: wow. i wish i could do that.
Dave digs in first, and June follows suit.
DAVE 7: ill tell you that movie playing in the background the entire time does not help with the time loop
DAVE 7: poor karkat i think hes the only one paying attention
DAVE 7: well i know he is since unless youre paying attention to it i am everyone else here
JUNE: i didn't wanna say it... but i'm definitely not, haha.
DAVE 7: its a good movie but ive seen it too many times even without being in a time loop that lasts its exact duration
DAVE 7: actually maybe i will pay attention next time around
DAVE 7: just for him
DAVE 7: at least until i fall asleep
JUNE: jeez, is it that boring?
DAVE 7: what
DAVE 7: oh no i mean ive been seeing myself fall asleep later
DAVE 7: i basically just get to chill the fuck out next loop
JUNE: oh. that makes more sense, heheh.
DAVE 7: you had enough yet
JUNE: one more... now i'm done.
DAVE 7: well this was a good chat
DAVE 7: thanks june love you girl
DAVE 7: no hetero
JUNE: hehehe. you too.
They return to the others.
DAVE 7: nacho delivery
KARKAT: OH SWEET.
JUNE: you give him the sad leftover nachos at the bottom with no cheese?? this might be abuse.
DAVE 7: no see he doesnt like the cheese cause it doesnt go with his grub sauce
DAVE 7: it all works out
DAVE 7: i eat his pizza crust he eats my sad cheeseless nachos its a perfect symbiosis
KARKAT: MHM.
JUNE: of course, the grub sauce. how could i forget the grub sauce.
DAVE 7: (dave 6 stop looking longingly at those chips)
KARKAT: JUNE, HAVE YOU EVER ACTUALLY TRIED GRUB SAUCE? I'M SURE YOU'D UNDERSTAND.
JUNE: no.
JUNE: dave asked me if i wanted to, and i don't, but frankly the more i look at it the more curious i get.
KARKAT: WELL YOU OUGHT TO. I'VE YET TO FIND A HUMAN SAUCE THAT MATCHES IT.
JUNE: don't talk about human sauce, dude gross.
KARKAT: NOT WHAT I FUCKING MEANT
KARKAT: ALSO IT'S MY WRIGGLING DAY SO I CAN DARE YOU TO DO IT, SINCE YOU WOULD CLEARLY RATHER NOT.
JUNE: that's not how it works!!
KARKAT: MAYBE IT WAS ON ALTERNIA, RESPECT MY CULTURE DIPSHIT.
JUNE: i don't think it was!
DAVE: june cmon its his wriggling day
KARKAT: JUST A LITTLE BIT. JUST DIP IN ONE CORNER OF A SAUCE TRIANGLE AND TRY IT.
JUNE: oh my god fine!
JUNE: ...
JUNE: the grubs, um... AREN'T live, right?
KARKAT: NO, WHY WOULD THE GRUBS BE LIVE. THAT'S A CLAMONELLA HAZARD WAITING TO HAPPEN.
JUNE: i just had to make sure.
DAVE 7: lol my bad
JUNE: ok i'm trying it.
DAVE 7: yesss get a big chunk a grub in there
JUNE: you don't have to make it sound so gross!
The chip, dipped into a not small amount of grub sauce, slowly descends into her mouth.
JUNE: eugh..........
JUNE: (chewing)...
JUNE: (gag)
JUNE: (swallow)
JUNE: ohmygod
JUNE: it's so slimy...
JUNE: there was a grub....
JUNE: i felt it wriggle......
KARKAT: NO YOU DIDN'T!
JUNE: it felt like it did.
JUNE: i just ate a whole bug. oh my god.
JUNE: i need water. i need to forget what that ever felt like in my mouth.
KARKAT: SIGH. I AM CONTINUALLY PERPLEXED BY HUMANS' AVERSION TO BUGS AND SLIME.
KARKAT: YOU WOULDN'T LAST A DAY ON ALTERNIA.
Dave 8 has been asleep on Karkat for some time now. Dave 1 leans into him on his other side. It's not long before 5 different Daves are somehow cuddled up against him. It was an inevitable gravitational collapse.
June, on the other hand, is all alone on the far end of the couch.
KARKAT: IT'S SO UNFAIR HOW YOU GET AT LEAST 5 TIMES THE CUDDLES JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN CLONE YOURSELF.
DAVE 3: nah its like a quality vs quantity thing
DAVE 3: i get the same cuddles 5 times but you get 5 of me cuddling you
KARKAT: AT LEAST TEACH ME HOW TO TIME TRAVEL SOME TIME SO I CAN RETURN THE FAVOR.
JUNE: i've never felt so much like a third wheel in my life.
JUNE: tenth wheel?
DAVE 7: aw june cmere
The 3 Daves who couldn't get in on the Karkat pile end up with her.
JUNE: oh my god.
JUNE: you're like cats.
DAVE 4: meow
JUNE: the dave pile doesn't stop from getting taller.
JUNE: you never used to be such a cuddly guy. i guess karkat changed you.
DAVE 2: you never knew me in real life pre karkat though
JUNE: oh, i guess i didn't. huh.
DAVE 2: its not like i had anyone to cuddle anyway
DAVE 2: wow pretty weird how my first ever real life friends were aliens
KARKAT: I WASN'T A CUDDLY GUY EITHER THOUGH. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM IF NEITHER OF US WERE?
DAVE 2: guess its a mystery
DAVE 4: its like emergent behavior
DAVE 4: smash two dudes together youll get totally new properties
KARKAT: WELL DAMN IF THAT DIDN'T JUST GET SOLVED. SO GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.
KARKAT: NOW EVERYONE SHUT UP, I'M TRYING TO WATCH.
KARKAT: MOVIE'S ENDING. IS THIS AROUND WHEN YOUR TIME LOOP ENDS?
DAVE: think so
DAVE 3: yea
KARKAT: OKAY, YOU WERE RIGHT AT THE START. I REALLY ENJOYED THIS.
KARKAT: IT'S UH, DEFINITELY UP THERE IN TERMS OF WRIGGLING DAYS. ONE OF THE BEST, LIKE YOU SAID.
DAVE: hey i didnt say that
KARKAT: WHATEVER, YOU WILL. WHICHEVER FUCKING ONE OF YOU DID THEN.
DAVE: i think hes asleep
KARKAT: YOU CAN KEEP TRACK OF WHO'S WHO?
DAVE: well not really it just tracks that hed be the most tired and fall asleep
DAVE 8: immmawake
DAVE: ok buddy
JUNE: i guess i should get going then?
June gets out from under the Dave pile. Karkat gets up, too, making sure Dave 8 doesn't fall over. He fully wakes up, and all the Daves are now standing.
KARKAT: BYE JUNE, THANKS FOR COMING OVER. WAS NICE TO HAVE YOU.
JUNE: was nice to be over too, this was really fun even though i only got here half way through.
JUNE: bye daves, bye karkat! and happy wriggling day!
DAVE 1+7: bye june!
OTHER DAVES: bye june
DAVE: this is when we go back?
DAVE 2: yea
DAVE 2: in 3
DAVE 2: 2
DAVE 2: 1
7 Daves zap back in time, leaving one standing with a sigh of relief.
DAVE 8: oh my god i forgot how exhausting time loops are
DAVE 8: can i stop being dave 8
DAVE: thats more like it
KARKAT: WHAT?
DAVE: dw about it
KARKAT: YOU KIND OF PUT YOURSELF IN THAT TIME LOOP, YOU KNOW.
DAVE: yeah i know
DAVE: it was really fun for the first time i guess thats what matters
DAVE: oh and fun for you obviously that was the whole fuckin point
DAVE: i think i
DAVE: yawn
DAVE: m gonna have to go to bed early
DAVE: my schedules gonna be so fucked
KARKAT: I WOULDN'T MIND HITTING THE COCOON EARLY EITHER.
DAVE: course i could just skip to bedtime
KARKAT: DON'T YOU DARE!
DAVE: ooh oohh im gonna do it
KARKAT: DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE FOR 6 HOURS!
Dave disappears to about five seconds in the future, just long enough for Karkat to question whether he's doing a bit or not.
DAVE: ohhhh what i totally meant to go further excuse me
KARKAT: ACTUALLY, I STOOD HERE UNMOVING FOR 6 HOURS, WAITING FOR YOU.
KARKAT: ...
KARKAT: HAHA YOU ACTUALLY HAD TO LOOK AT THE CLOCK TO MAKE SURE?
DAVE: i really wouldnt put it past you is all
KARKAT: OKAY THAT WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD. IF YOU START OVERUSING IT THOUGH I SWEAR TO GOD.
DAVE: bro i never let my bits get stale
KARKAT: YOU UH, DO THOUGH. IT'S PRETTY SAD HOW OFTEN YOU GET A NEW BIT AND RUN IT INTO THE GROUND.
DAVE: wait really
DAVE: damn that never used to be something people would say about me
DAVE: i gotta work on that thanks for the feedback
KARKAT: ANY TIME MAN.
KARKAT: I'M GONNA GO ROT IN BED, ARE YOU COMING OR NOT.