Chapter Text
Life on Erid changed with another person (another human person!) around. As much as Rocky and Adrian had worked to keep Grace comfortable in his special habitat, Grace had started to feel like something was still missing as more and more time passed. Even though Rocky and Adrian visited as often as possible, even though Rocky frequently stayed for movie nights and sleepovers (with lots of cuddles included), Grace begrudgingly realized that sometimes he caught himself missing, even craving, simple human touch. It was unfair that Eridian touch didn’t fill that void. Maybe it was self-explanatory, what with Grace being unable to actually touch Rocky or any of the Eridians through their xenonite suits or balls. All the touch he ever got was the artificial, albeit warm, smoothness of xenonite.
Not that Grace had made any progress in the touch department with his new human roommate, Simon. Oops. Apparently, it was not so easy – you can’t just jump into a stranger’s embrace, even if you’re both criminally touch-starved. There was much more nuance involved, starting with both of their troubled pasts, clearly riddled with tons of trauma that the men haven’t even started opening up about. Right. So human touch might have to wait. But! It was still so nice to have another human around, in his house! Even if Grace saw Rocky often, Rocky still had his own home and busy life outside of keeping Grace company. Grace had often felt that he was still alone in his customized Earth dome. So at least he was literally not alone anymore, even if it was still a bit lonely, with Simon spending most of his time holed up in his room. To be fair, it had only been a couple weeks since Simon awoke from his coma and was cleared to move to Grace’s home from the medical station on Mary. Grace kept telling himself that it would take time, naturally.
Life on Erid changed, largely for the better, Grace wanted to believe. Sure, there were adjustments to be made, issues to navigate, things to learn (or relearn). But overall, Grace was deeply grateful to have another human here with him. Even if it might take a while to build any sort of relationship with the new guy. He’ll take what he can get!
Also, to be fully honest, Grace was a little relieved to have some time to prepare himself before diving head first into building relationships. There were things… to consider. It was almost funny that among all the complicated circumstances and unanswered questions pertaining to Simon’s arrival, the thing that threw Grace off balance the most was the prospect of navigating their secondary genders.
When they had run various tests on the still unconscious Simon in the lab, one of the blood tests also revealed the basic information about Simon’s designation. Omega. That… had made Grace pause. It was not a problem per se. But Grace couldn’t deny that he freaked out a little.
Now let’s make it clear here. It was perfectly fine and dandy that Simon was an omega. What was not fine was that Grace was an alpha. And not for the reasons one might expect… Grace had always seen himself as a very not alpha-like alpha. An abnormality. A weirdo. Kind of a failure. There were many situations in life where Grace generally felt like that as a person, but his secondary gender felt like a glaringly bright sign above his head, pointing out his flaws and shortcomings to anyone that got close enough.
Grace was asexual. Possibly aromantic as well, he wasn’t too sure. He had put in the effort to research these identities years before the events of project Hail Mary to get at least a semblance of peace with himself, but knowing these things about yourself didn’t make it that much easier. The point stands, Grace was abnormal as an alpha. Sure, his libido wasn’t too shabby, it was just that… it never seemed to lead anywhere. Grace was simply not that driven by his alpha instincts or biological impulses. He didn’t really find anyone sexually attractive, be it alpha, beta or omega, his ruts were mild, never creating enough trouble to consider seeking out a partner. Grace's meagre attempts at sex had been, well... Okay, they had been fine. Not great, not terrible. Sex was... an activity. Not something he wanted to indulge in often, definitely not something he craved. His disinterest in sex was one of the many reasons why his one and only romantic relationship didn’t work out.
Not to mention Grace’s general awkwardness, clumsiness and quickness to tears. No alpha confidence, self-assuredness or courage in sight. Ha, he told them so. Not that his designation had mattered, in the end… Regardless, Grace had always felt rather pathetic as an alpha. He preferred not to perceive his own secondary gender, passing pretty easily as a beta or sometimes even omega. That was made possible by his also very un-alpha-like scent. Grace’s scent was described as soothing and floral – bright, fresh scent of irises with a notable undertone of books, paper, or simply the overall scent of a library. The only instances his scent conveyed his subgender were the times when Grace’s emotions overflowed and his scent turned sharp with notes of freshly printed paper and cloyingly sweet sourness of irises. So, his alpha scent was unorthodox, his behaviour and sexuality as an alpha even more so. Overall, Grace was never the most desirable alpha around. And he found it put less pressure on him, so he didn’t even mind it in the long run. Truthfully, it had felt like a certain weight off Grace’s shoulders when he had realized that, out in space, he would not be held to any societal standards and subgender expectations anymore. If he was the only human around for lightyears, it didn’t mean much whether he was an alpha (or what a poor excuse of one he was)!
…You might already see where the problem arose. Grace was not the only human around anymore. And like the cruellest joke of fate, Simon just had to be an omega, of course. Alpha and omega, the two subgenders meant to work best together, as nature intended (phrases like this always made Grace shudder). What a joke it was going to be when Simon found out what a disaster of an alpha he was stuck with. Grace was going to be the joke. Sweet Mary, Grace had felt utterly miserable being faced with his insecurities and shortcomings once again. All of that heaviness being dug up from the depths again. Apparently, there was no escape even all the way here on Erid.
Grace tried to reason with himself, of course. Simon being an omega did not mean he would see Grace as an alpha. In fact, Grace vehemently hoped that his old trick of passing as a beta would work its magic again. But he was still being narrow-minded about this whole situation, he knew. Simon might not care about Grace being an alpha anyways! Regardless of the kind of alpha he was. It’s like the old stereotype that alphas and omegas can’t be friends (or men and women, for that matter). Ridiculous! Simon didn’t know Grace, Grace didn’t know Simon, they were strangers and they would simply be roommates! Er, housemates. Friends, hopefully, eventually. Why was Grace jumping to the daunting scenario of Simon somehow being attracted to him or wanting something from him, needing him as an alpha?! Gosh! He was giving himself the ick, sexualising their circumstances like that. They would get to know each other and keep each other company and no one would give a darn about any fudging subgenders! Grace would get back on suppressants and–
Rocky was the one to shatter Grace’s dreams. To put it simply, Rocky was adamant that Grace could not go back on suppressants so soon. It had only been around a year of Grace living on Erid, even his rut cycle was not yet back to any regularity. Of course, it was to be expected that his cycle would be even milder with no people and pheromones around, but it was obviously not within normal boundaries yet. Understandably, it would be healthier to have his cycle recalibrate naturally instead of stamping it down with suppressants again. Grace had been put on some military grade suppressants for his trip through space and his subgender was as good as gone for the entire time he spent on Mary. Perhaps the calculations were made for the effects to last approximately as long as Grace was expected to survive in space. Since he had already outlived the preliminary estimate, with him having found a way to live on Erid, his pheromones and cycle were slowly coming back. Just a few months in of Grace recovering on Erid, the first inklings of a rut had taken Grace off guard. It was the mildest one he’d ever had, so it was no big deal. On the contrary, Rocky had been overjoyed with Grace’s natural cycle returning and ever since then it was clear that Rocky was against any usage of suppressants for the time being. Grace had been on suppressants for way too long. It would be unhealthy to continue using them. It would be a miracle if no additional health issues surfaced as it is, after such a long time spent on them.
Even though there were no more suppressants in his system, Grace knew that it was possible to synthesize new ones if needed. They had taken enough samples of his blood to have the means. But for now, Rocky was not hearing it and Grace wasn’t ready to explain his full reasoning (namely, his unfounded anxiety regarding Simon’s and his own subgenders). Once again, Grace was left self-soothing with the fact that Simon was also found to be pumped full of heavy-duty suppressants and their effects were sure to stick around for a while longer.
And if all else fails, Grace just had to remind himself of the best course of action he had come up with so far – just be yourself! Surely, that was a fool proof way of repelling any omega (or person in general, to be fair). Grace just had to be his usual painfully awkward self and everything would be okay! While he didn’t want to blow his chances of befriending Simon, he desperately needed to convey to him just how unappealing he was as an alpha. Grace was secretly terrified that Simon might simply want to be practical and offer to help each other out with their cycles. In that case, even a good-for-nothing alpha would do! Therefore, Grace needed to be perfectly clear that he could never satisfy his needs as an omega. Being needed as an alpha was one of the most terrifying realities Grace would have the misfortune of dealing with. How mortifying! He was not and would never be a good potential mate or a proper alpha in general. Nope, nope, nope, not for him.
Even if the omega living in his home was stunning. Simon was absolutely beautiful and definitely one of the most attractive people he had ever seen. Grace was asexual, not blind. And heck, Grace was sure that even Rocky (who had no eyes) would agree on how perfect Simon looked with his long wavy black hair, muscular body and soulful dark brown eyes… Anyway! Grace did not want to come off as a creep by staring at Simon all star-struck, so he would keep his opinions about Simon’s beauty to himself. He already had his hands full trying to act normal while he was unbearably excited to become friends with Simon! His insanely good looks just made Grace additionally nervous! And maybe a bit regretful on Simon’s behalf that such a catch of an omega was destined to nothing but great disappointment thanks to ending up with him.
So, to sum it all up again, life suddenly changed. Change was good. Right? Grace was still ecstatic that he now had another human here on Erid and all his fears and anxieties were at least partly drowned out by the excitement he felt every day he woke up to knowing there was a new presence in his home.
Not much had changed between them after these two weeks of Simon living here, but Grace was patient. He had no expectations and just tried to take it step by step. Even if it got a bit repetitive.
This morning, like most others, Grace got to see Simon at the kitchen. Grace had been making tea – he liked to make a whole teapot so he could get refills and also offer some to Simon. He was also about to make some sandwiches for breakfast since he got here first. Grace was simply following his usual routine so it was natural to share whatever he made with Simon. The first few days, Grace would leave the food near Simon’s bedroom door, awkwardly explaining that he made breakfast and hoping it wouldn’t sit there untouched. To his great joy, Simon would always accept the food (even though he waited until Grace wasn’t around to see it). Grace suspected that his offerings helped in guiding Simon out of his shell a little, since after those few days Simon started coming out of his room more and more. Sometimes he would simply wander into the kitchen quietly, ignoring Grace’s excited calls of “Good morning!” or offering a half-hearted grunt at best, before sitting at the kitchen island and unobtrusively watching Grace cook. Grace would be alight with nerves on such occasions, messing up more than he was used to, but he was overjoyed by such proximity regardless. They even ate together a couple times, Grace trying for simple conversation but usually settling for rather tense silence after stammering through a few cringe-worthy sentences. More often than not, Simon still took the food to his room and Grace didn’t question it, even if his heart sank with disappointment each time.
What really surprised Grace was Simon starting to take care of breakfast himself. Sure, Grace had been clear about Simon having full access to all parts and features of the house, but he still didn’t expect for Simon to go for it after just a week of being here. For a few times now, Simon was the one to wake up before him and Grace would be pleasantly surprised to find food already prepared and his share left out for him.
Today Grace was already busying himself in the kitchen when Simon stepped in soundlessly. Grace was unsure himself how he always felt the other man approaching with how quiet he was. But he did, and this time was no different. Grace turned around upon feeling Simon’s presence nearby, beaming at him with a bright smile.
“Good morning, Simon!” he said happily, taking a moment to look at him.
Simon eyed him, face not giving any emotion away, eyes partially hidden behind the curtains of wavy hair. Grace thought he saw a tiny nod and then Simon was walking over to sit at the island. Grace turned back to his task, still smiling, undeterred. A few minutes later Grace brought the teapot and mugs, then the freshly made sandwiches to the island and sat down on the opposite side from Simon, although not directly in front of him.
“There you go,” Grace said absentmindedly, pushing one plate towards Simon and already taking a bite of his sandwich, leaning down to scan over some scattered papers on the island while chewing.
Simon was slower to start eating, continuing to watch Grace as he did so. Grace was distracted by now, humming something to himself as he flipped through the papers and barely missed his mug with an elbow. Simon barely held back an amused grin.
“Class material?” Simon’s voice, rough from lack of use, cut through the peaceful atmosphere and Grace froze in surprise, his spine going visibly rigid.
Grace whipped his head towards him, eyes wide with wonder, and Simon regretted asking, feeling a bit bashful upon being faced with such genuine enthusiasm. Grace always seemed to be thrilled to hear him speak.
“O-oh! Yep, yes! This is, uh, my notes for today’s lesson on the- the Solar System! Here!” Grace haphazardly started pushing the papers towards Simon, creating one big mess of note sheets between them. “I-if you can read any of my scribbles, hahaha! Ha…”
Grace snapped his mouth shut suddenly, his eyes darting away, as if embarrassed, before rubbing a hand over his face beneath his glasses which were hanging askew, holding on for dear life on one ear. That drew Simon’s attention and made him notice the red tips of Grace’s ears. Now Simon actually couldn’t hold back the smirk, shaking his head a little and instead focusing on the offered papers. Admittedly, he could read some of it, even if it was undoubtedly messy. He skimmed through the papers, part curiosity, part indulging Grace who was clearly trying so hard to talk to him.
Grace seemed to recover a little, fixing his glasses and watching excitedly as Simon studied the papers. “Right! So! I just had this idea, it might be crazy, no, it’s not actually crazy, it would be good, I think? Oh my gosh, I should just say it- So, how about, you know, I think it could be fun for you, and for me, if you joined me for a class? You could just sit in, listen to me explain, you know, something to pass the time,” Grace rambled, slowing down towards the end, glancing up at Simon sheepishly, probably bracing himself for rejection.
Simon blinked. That was quite the offer. Definitely new. It sounded good, it did, but…
“Where is the classroom?”
It was Grace’s turn to blink at Simon. “Oh, there’s this alcove down the beach, where the xenonite barrier runs next to a mountainside, the students gather there on the stone ledges and I stay on my side, haha,” Grace explained in detail, smiling carefully. “It’s not far.”
Simon averted his gaze, focusing on his half-eaten sandwich. Down the beach, huh.
“I, uh… Maybe sometime. Not today. The beach is… That means we’ll be near the ocean,” Simon mumbled, unwilling to elaborate.
Grace perked up at this information.
“You don’t like the ocean?” he asked curiously.
Simon remained silent.
Grace really wanted to understand. He wanted to ask so much more, he wanted to know everything there is. But he knew not to push, not now. Of course, he had noticed that Simon barely left the house, barely went outside. The most he did was walk out on the porch and sit on it sometimes, for up to fifteen minutes. Clearly he was discomforted by something. So, the ocean? Grace vividly remembered the details of Simon being found in what could be described as an ocean of blood covering an entire planet… How had he not made the connection? Even if this was a normal, water ocean, the big body of water must have made Simon uneasy regardless.
Grace was beyond glad to find out this detail. His innocent offer had unveiled more important tasks at hand – working on building up Simon’s confidence, helping him feel comfortable with going outside, with being around the water. This was great! They could totally do that. Little by little.
For now, Grace nodded and gathered some of the papers in a pile next to himself.
“Hey, it’s okay, no need to explain. Got it, no trips down the beach just yet. We’ll take it slow, Simon,” Grace said empathically, smiling kindly, his eyes crinkling with it.
Simon seemed caught off guard, the tension in his shoulders melting just slightly as he glanced up at Grace again. As he took in Grace’s expression, he had to swiftly look away again, chest feeling tight with something like fondness. Surely, it must have been simply gratitude. Grace was just so bizarrely accommodating.
“I’ll start getting ready to head out, then. Take your time,” Grace said softly, having finished his sandwich and getting up from his stool. He downed the rest of his tea and refilled his mug from the teapot, bringing the mug with him as he scooped the papers up from the island.
Grace rounded the island, brushing right past Simon, but not quite touching him, never touching. Keeping that careful, respectful distance. A gust of air passed after Grace, caused by his swift walk, carrying a subtle wave of scent. Simon breathed in unconsciously, filling his lungs with the fragrant air. Flowers… with something else? Soft, calming. Simon found himself savouring the scent, mulling it over in his mind, cataloguing it for future reference. He never really noticed Grace’s scent. It was mild, that’s why.
He turned his head to follow Grace with his eyes as the scientist scuttled across the house, gathering whatever else he needed for class. Last thing Grace grabbed was the light cardigan adorned with foxes that had been draped over the back of the couch. He set his mug and papers down on a side table to quickly shrug the cardigan on. Before going for the door, Grace met Simon’s gaze, catching Simon staring. Grace smiled brightly, again, and Simon frowned, feeling put on the spot. Grace didn’t linger on it, though, waving goodbye with his stack of papers.
Simon just continued staring, watching as Grace finally went out the door. He sighed, somewhat relieved. He felt like he was starting to make a fool of himself. Not that Grace was any better about it.
As Simon turned to grab his mug, the scent still lingering in his nose made him pause. Flowers… And books. He liked it.