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“And s-omeday,” Mihashi hiccuped, “he’s gonna look. Like. His dad!”
Suyama and Sakaeguchi exchanged a desperate look. “And that’s…good?” Sakaeguchi hazarded.
“YES it’s good,” wailed Mihashi. “Have you SEEN. H-his dad?!”
“We’ve seen him,” Suyama said cautiously.
“S-so—broad,” Mihashi moaned into his arms. “So soft…”
Sakaeguchi patted him on the back, mouthing What do we do?? over his head at Suyama.
Suyama was wondering the same thing. He had been enjoying a very normal evening when Tajima blasted the old Nishiura group chat with an emergency request: Ren was getting drunk and being maudlin, by himself, in public. Could whoever was nearest go pick him up and get him home before he got recognized?
Abe lived closest, but his response time had become downright erratic since starting his first clinical rotation. Suyama and Sakaeguchi were on opposite sides of the city but about equidistant to the izakaya and figured it would be easier with two—one to be lookout, one to be human crutch—so they’d met up in the middle and walked there together. But now that they were here, they couldn’t get Mihashi to stop talking long enough to take him anywhere.
It wouldn’t be such a problem if he were talking about something else. But it had been half an hour of Mihashi sadly enumerating all of Abe Takaya’s finest qualities (many of which Suyama had not heretofore been aware he possessed, and to be honest still wasn’t completely sure that he did in fact possess), and whatever else was unclear, it was pretty clear that it was for gay reasons. And it was also pretty clear that Mihashi was not out to the entire world of pro baseball. If they could just get him to keep it to himself for two minutes while they got him in a cab…and then hope the cabbie didn’t follow sports…
If you’d asked Suyama back in high school, he would never have thought that someday they would have a problem with Mihashi talking too much.
He was aware he was no expert on crushes, or whatever, but really. How much more could there be to say?
“And now he’s. Lost. Forever,” Mihashi was saying in tones of deep tragedy. “H-he’s going to be too. Busy, and all the—with—the—the patients, who have in-interesting. Conditions, and so he. Will never. Look at me—ever—again,” he said, his voice cracking on the last word.
“Uh,” said Suyama. Was that how it worked? It didn’t seem right to Suyama, but what did he know.
“They’ll. Need him,” Mihashi cried. “He l-loves that.”
“Well,” said Sakaeguchi. Abe did love to be needed, that was true. But again, there was something off about the way Mihashi was looking at it.
“I’m not. Weird enough for him anymore!” Mihashi burst out. “He’ll think I’m—boring. How can I com-compare with patients? He—he can look at, at their bones. Their bones!”
“Oh…no,” said Suyama, in a tone he hoped passed for supportive. He barely managed to keep it from coming out as a question.
“Bones! In-inside of them! Do you. Know. What he said. When I asked if he wants—to look—at my bones?” Mihashi gave Suyama a look of such pure despair that he could swear he felt his heart wrench sideways, despite not understanding in the least what could be so devastating about a person looking, or not looking, at one’s bones.
“What did he say?” Sakaeguchi said breathlessly. Maybe the bone thing made sense to him.
“H-he said. ‘That would be. An.’” Mihashi buried his face in his hands. “’Ethics violationnnnnn!’”
“It would?” Sakaeguchi asked, enthralled.
“What if I. Want him to e-ethically violate me,” Mihashi said sadly.
“Oh, buddy,” Suyama said, patting his hair.
“And n-now I’ll. Never get the chance,” Mihashi whimpered, pushing his head into Suyama’s hand like a very needy cat. “He’ll be—People th-throwing themselves at him—Parents of…of everyone wanting—son-in-law… A doctor…sexy genius who kn-knows all my favorite—m-mochi flavors—”
“Would that be a selling point for others, do you think?” Sakaeguchi interjected weakly, but Mihashi didn’t hear him.
“And someday he’ll. Look like his hot dad and—ugh, he would be such a—good father—!”
“Would he?” Suyama said, not managing to keep out the skepticism this time, but Mihashi wasn’t listening to him either.
“When he’s looking at-at you, you feel like you could do—anything,” he whispered, and his face crumpled. “As long as he’s—watching, y-you’re real…”
Suyama looked to see if Sakaeguchi was as alarmed by this as he was, but Sakaeguchi’s expression had gone thoughtful. “You know, Ren—” he started.
“What’s going on?” said a gruff voice as the door to their private room slid open. “Why isn’t he already home?”
“TAKA!!” Mihashi shouted, and spun himself around so fast he immediately toppled over.
Abe caught him, saying, “Easy, easy. I’m here.” He spared a glare for Suyama and Sakaeguchi. “I just got off a shift, but haven’t you been here for like an hour? What’s taking you so long?”
Suyama opened his mouth, but Mihashi preempted him. “Takaaaaa,” he said, petting Abe’s face to get his attention. “Don’t l-look at them. They’re not important.”
“Well, hang on,” Abe said, glancing back at them almost apologetically. “That’s not—”
“No, that’s fair,” Sakaeguchi said. Suyama nodded. It would be nice to be not important at this point. Maybe he could go home.
“Shh,” said Mihashi, putting his hand over Abe’s mouth. “Shush. You’re m-making—me dizzy.”
“I’m not doing anything,” Abe said from behind the hand. “Do you think there might be another reason you’re dizzy?” He looked pointedly at the empty beer bottles scattered over the low table.
“No,” said Mihashi emphatically. “It’s—you’re—I’ll tell you. Listen.” He took his hand away from Abe’s mouth to place it on his shoulder and leaned in. “You c-can’t be a doctor, Takaya. You—can’t take. Heartbeats.”
“What?” Abe said, confused. “A pulse? Yeah I can. They taught me to. In medical school. And it’s not really that difficult to begin with.”
“Y-you think you can,” said Mihashi, “but you don’t know. It’s the—wrong heartbeat. You-you’re in-interfering.”
“Ohhhh,” said Sakaeguchi quietly, grabbing Suyama’s arm. Ohhhh, what? Suyama was lost. So was Abe.
“It’s wrong,” Mihashi said again. “You—mess it up. When you come in. The r-room. Faster—just because—you’re there—"
Ah. Suyama could see where this was going. Not bad for a guy without a romantic bone in his body.
“You’re saying…the presence of the doctor throws off the results?” Abe frowned. He was proving to be slower on the uptake than Suyama, but then again, he hadn’t been privy to Mihashi’s litany of his virtues. “Well, going to the doctor’s can be stressful for people, so their readings might be elevated—”
“No. Takaya,” Mihashi interrupted. “Not the doctor. You. Because they—w-want you, b-because, it’s you, and you’re you, a-and—” He started gasping, his breath tearing out of him in sobs. “You’re gonna—f-find somebody, and—forget—about me—”
Oh, shit. Was it too late for Suyama to leave? Or should he stay to support Mihashi?
“Whoa, Ren, slow down,” Abe said, voice rising in alarm. “I don’t even know what—how could I forget about you, huh? Are you stupid?” He thumbed at the tear tracks on Mihashi’s face and said more calmly, “And I don’t know where this is coming from, but nobody wants me, Ren, that’s ridiculous—"
“Wr-wrong,” Mihashi interrupted again, almost shouting now. “Everybody. To—to talk to you and h-hold you and sleep—with you and have your—at-attention! Forever and ever!”
Abe stared at him, stunned. Suyama was losing sensation in the arm Sakaeguchi was clutching, but it was nothing to how excruciating this conversation had become. What was anybody supposed to say to that?
“Ren,” Abe breathed. “Hey, Ren.” His eyes were shiny. He was still cradling Mihashi’s face in his hands. “You’re—you’re my most important person.” He took a deep breath, and the tears spilled over. “I’m not—you could never lose me. You don’t have to worry about that.”
Mihashi reached out slowly to catch a tear as it dripped off Abe’s chin. Then he opened his hand and placed it flat against Abe’s chest. Over his heart.
Suyama would have liked to take that as his cue to leave, but that would require wrenching his arm out of Sakaeguchi’s death grip, and the last thing he wanted to do was draw any attention to himself. So he could only endure.
“I just—” Abe shuddered and closed his eyes. “I can’t play baseball anymore. So I thought…”
Mihashi blinked. He opened his mouth. “Are. You stupid?” he said.
Suyama had to agree. But again, he had been there for the litany. Mihashi should probably repeat it to Abe at some point. When Suyama was far away.
Abe choked out a laugh and opened his eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe?” He inhaled. “It’s just…Who am I to you, if I’m not your catcher?”
What a question. Could Suyama plug his ears without being rude?
Ren clenched his hand into Abe’s shirt. “You’re just mine,” he said fiercely. “If. If you want to be.”
No, that would definitely be rude.
Abe swallowed. “Even if…even if I’m stupid? Even if I don’t have time to work out anymore and I turn into my dad?”
Suyama and Sakaeguchi coughed in unison. Abe looked around at them in surprise. “Oh, you’re still here?” His eyebrows drew down. “Thanks for looking after Ren, but would you guys mind leaving? We’re having a private conversation.”
“Yes. Yep. Absolutely,” Suyama said immediately, and forgave Abe for everything.