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ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ )
The announcement happened on a Tuesday morning. By evening, absolutely no one could tell. The first receipt came from Eloise, which was unfortunate because she had been one of the loudest supporters of the said separation.
"Thank goodness," she'd declared. "You guys can stop being weird and codependent and figure yourselves out."
Standing in the doorway of the Bridgerton drawing room, she wondered if she had accidentally suffered a concussion.
Penelope was stretched out on the sofa. More specifically, she was stretched out on Colin. Not beside him. Not leaning against him. On him. Her back rested against his chest, her legs tangled between his, and one of Colin's arms was draped loosely around her waist. A book rested open in Colin's lap. It was against Penelope's stomach while he pretended to read. Most of his attention seemed occupied with the long section of red hair pooled over her shoulder since he was slowly braiding it. Just with the absentminded concentration of someone who had done this enough times to be comfortable.
"Didn't you two... you know?" El was being sensitive of the situation.
Neither of them looked up at her.
"Yeah," Penelope answered.
Colin nodded. "We did." But he continued separating strands of hair.
"Evidently not enough."
This finally earned her bestie's attention. "You were saying something, El?" Penelope asked.
Eloise actually referred to everything: the sofa, the arm around her waist, the braiding, the fact that Colin's chin was currently resting on the top of her head.
Penelope shrugged. "This is how we catch up."
"You catch up by sitting on his lap?"
"I'm not sitting on his lap."
"You are literally inside his ribcage, Penelope."
Colin glanced down. Penelope was, in fact, halfway between his legs with his arm wrapped around her middle. He considered this. "What's really wrong, El?"
Eloise made a strangled noise. "YOU AREN'T BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND."
"We know that."
"THEN WHY ARE YOU HOLDING HER LIKE THAT?"
Colin looked down at Penelope and she tipped her head back to look at him. The kind of look that happened when two people knew each other far too well. "Should I not be?" he asked.
"We've always sat like this."
"For years even," Colin added helpfully.
"That is the problem!"
Colin glanced down at the braid in his hands. "Pen, is this too tight?"
"A bit...maybe you need to re-do it, Col," Without thinking, she scooted lower between his legs until her head rested more comfortably against his chest. He immediately loosened the braid and brushed his fingers through her hair..once more. There was a horrifying amount of tenderness in the gesture.
Eloise watched the entire exchange in mute disbelief. Neither of them appeared remotely aware of how intimate it looked. Or perhaps worse... they were so used to it that they no longer registered it as intimate at all. "There is no universe," Eloise said slowly, "where exes behave like this."
Penelope and Colin exchanged another glance. "We are exes!"
Eloise stared at them for a few seconds, then turned around. Ultimately, she decided to walk right back out of the room.
ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ )
Receipt number two came from Benedict. Which was saying something because Benedict Bridgerton was not a man easily shocked by affection. After all, he loved affection. He encouraged affection. He had spent years witnessing his parents and siblings being disgustingly in love. However, there was something uniquely unsettling about watching two people insist they had stopped being boyfriend-girlfriend while behaving as though absolutely nothing had changed.
Which was how he found himself frozen in the kitchen doorway at eight-thirty in the morning.
Penelope stood at the counter mixing pancake batter and Colin stood directly behind her. His chest was practically brushing her shoulder every time she moved and Benedict noticed that Penelope didn't seem bothered by this. If anything, she kept unconsciously leaning back into him...as if she wanted to.
Benedict couldn't deny the flirtatious air in the room either. The kitchen was filled with quiet conversation and occasional laughter. The kind of laughter that came from years of private jokes and the kind that made everyone else feel like they had missed the first half of the conversation. Ben felt out of place in his own house.
"You're putting too much vanilla in the batter."
"What? There is no such thing."
"Oh come on, there absolutely is. It's gonna get too sweet, Pen!"
"There's no such thing!" Penelope rolled her eyes.
"There is." Colin gasped. "Penelope Featherington! Are you trying to get us both dirty this early?"
Penelope dipped her finger into the bowl to taste the batter but Colin caught her wrist. "Let me." Without waiting for permission, he guided her hand toward him and tasted the batter directly from her finger.
Benedict couldn't believe what he was seeing.
Penelope giggled. "Ahhhh!"
Colin considered the flavor thoughtfully. "Needs more cinnamon."
"You say that about everything."
"Because everything needs more cinnamon."
"That's not true."
"It is."
"It isn't."
"It is."
Benedict was beginning to understand why everyone avoided them...because this wasn't performative. This was simply how they existed together.
Colin reached for the cinnamon while Penelope instinctively tilted her head to avoid being bumped. His hand wrapped around her waist.
Benedict cleared his throat.
"Oh!" Penelope smiled. "Mooooorning, Benedict."
Colin looked equally cheerful. "Bro, you're up early!”
"Morning," Benedict stared at them, then at Colin's hand. "Aren't you..." His brain seemed unable to finish the sentence. "Oh, I dunno...no longer...?"
"Yes?" Colin said. The word sounded almost like a question.
Benedict gestured helplessly. At everything. The sensual batter. The giddy laughter. The excessive touching. The fact that Colin was now absentmindedly tucking a loose curl behind Penelope's ear. "So, can I ask...what exactly is this?"
Penelope looked genuinely confused. "We're making breakfast."
"Two people can make breakfast together."
Benedict stared. "Can two people make breakfast together while standing...like that?"
"What do you mean? We've always stood like this."
"That does not answer the question."
Thankfully the first pancake finished cooking, Colin rescued it from the pan and placed it on a plate. "How many do you want, Ben?"
"Three."
"Three it is." Colin immediately started preparing another batch.
Benedict watched them move around each other. "I want to tell you two to get a room."
"But?" Colin asked.
"But you're already in one." he finally understood that their circumstance had changed absolutely nothing.
ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ )
Receipt number three came from the youngest Bridgerton siblings, who had made the mistake of inviting Penelope to lunch. Just Penelope. The entire point had been to spend time with their honorary sister after her infamous "breakup" with their brother. It was aimed to be a supportive outing, one completely free of Colin. Unfortunately, their brother was there and they should have known. The moment Penelope arrived at the restaurant, Colin had appeared beside her like some sort of lovesick apparition.
"Wait a minute. We didn't invite you, Col," Hyacinth informed him.
"I know."
"Then why are you here?"
Colin looked genuinely confused by the question. "I'm here to accompany Pen." Somehow he slid into the booth beside Penelope anyway.
"We should get the pasta," Colin suggested.
"No, the burger," Penelope replied.
"The pasta."
"The burger."
The waitress stood without a word, while Hyacinth and Gregory watched silently.
Eventually Penelope sighed. "Fine. The burger."
Colin grinned. "I knew you'd come around for me."
Penelope smiled at him, "Well, you sorta wore me down."
Soon, the food arrived. Things somehow got worse. Worse being Penelope stole fries from Colin's plate. Colin stole onion rings from hers. At one point Colin picked a tomato out of his burger and dropped it onto Penelope's plate and she immediately ate it.
Gregory slowly lowered his drink. "What was that? You just exchanged food."
"We always do that."
"Yeah, but you're no longer..." Gregory opened his mouth. But, no words came out.
“We can’t waste food, Greg.” Penelope reasoned.
Then, the milkshakes arrived. The waitress placed one chocolate milkshake in front of Penelope and one vanilla milkshake in front of Colin. Penelope immediately took a sip of hers and proceeded to reach for Colin's, who handed it over without looking. She drank from his straw and slid the glass back.
"Why are you sharing straws?" Hyacinth asked. "Your mouth was just on that."
"Okay?"
"And now his mouth is on it."
The pair looked at each other, then at the milkshake. "Colin and I have always shared drinks."
Gregory dropped his fork.
"What is it this time?" Penelope asked.
"I'm very confused. You act exactly the same as...well, when you were still together!"
The pair exchanged a glance... a very fond glance.
"Hy, Greg, let me tell you something. When you care about someone—" Colin began.
Gregory practically leapt out of his seat. "Ahaaaa!"
"Aha what?"
"You still care about each other!"
"Of course we care about each other," Penelope said immediately.
Gregory sat back down. "No. This... this is sillly."
"What's so silly about wanting to spend time with the person you care about?" Colin folded his arms.
Hyacinth had never been more proud of Gregory. Finally! Someone was saying it...at least, until the concerned parties truly get it... well, they should get it.
In response, Colin chose that exact moment to look over. He noticed a small smear of whipped cream sat at the corner of Penelope's mouth and without thinking, his thumb brushed across her lower lip.
Penelope smiled.
Across the table, Hyacinth and Gregory sat in complete silence. Gregory slowly turned toward his sister. "Did they see that? Should we tell them?"
"Nevermind."
"Why not?"
Hyacinth took a long sip of her drink. Because after years of observing Colin and Penelope, she had learned one important truth about them. "Because, Greg, we cannot reason with idiots in love."
As soon as she said that, Colin fed Penelope his last french fry and she was all giddy about it.
ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ )
Receipt number four came from Prudence and Philippa. They had foolishly believed that taking Penelope dress shopping for her upcoming birthday would be a Colin-free activity. The keyword being foolishly.
"Why is your ex boyfriend here?" Prudence asked the moment she spotted him.
"Hello to you too, girls."
"Colin, we invited Penelope. We did not invite you."
"Yes, I know."
"Then why are you here?"
Penelope nodded immediately. "What do you mean? He's my moral support."
Philippa looked between them. "He's not your boyfriend anymore..."
"Everyone has been reminding us of that fact."
Philippa wasn't convinced and neither was Prudence. Still, they decided to push forward. How much trouble could Colin possibly cause in a dress shop? As it turned out? An alarming amount.
The sales assistant led Penelope toward the fitting rooms carrying several dresses.
Colin automatically stood. "I'll come with you."
Prudence nearly swallowed her tongue. "You'll what?"
"She's trying on dresses!" Colin apparently did not understand where the problem was.
Philippa tried. "Mr Bridgerton, women usually go into fitting rooms alone."
Colin looked at Penelope and Penelope looked at Colin.
Prudence felt something inside her soul leave her body. "OUR SISTER IS...WELL, SHE'S GOING TO BE CHANGING. INTO DIFFERENT CLOTHES."
"And?"
"BRIDGERTON."
Now, Colin looked genuinely confused. Penelope, meanwhile, looked equally bewildered. "I, I don't understand what's the big deal."
Philippa rubbed her temples. "Oh my goodness, you two are exhausting."
Prudence pointed toward the fitting room. "Penelope can go in there." She pointed at Colin. "Meanwhile, you can stay out here."
Penelope frowned. "Why?"
Prudence's eye twitched. "Because Colin doesn't need to see you trying on dresses. He can comment on them when you come out."
Penelope shrugged. "But, my arms are short and he helps me zip things up. His height is an advantage."
Colin nodded. "I'm actually quite good at zippers."
Prudence marched toward the fitting rooms. "Fine. Philippa and I will help you. We don't mind."
Colin smiled politely. "That's very kind of you ladies, but I've got it."
"You've got it?"
"Pru, Pip, I have assisted your sister dress up all these years." The casualness of the statement somehow made it worse.
Philippa turned toward Penelope. "Pen, are you hearing this?"
"Crystal clear."
"And you're okay with it?"
"Of course. I'm okay with Colin being inside, guys."
"He will see you...naked."
Penelope looked unbothered. "I'll have my underwear on."
Prudence physically sat down, as though her knees had stopped working. "Oh my goodness...it's like talking to a wall."
"Girls, we're really good!" Penelope smiled brightly and disappeared into the fitting room. "I'll come out as soon as Colin zips me up tight."
Philippa shot to her feet. "BRIDGERTON!!!!!"
Colin's head appeared. "Yes?"
"We're right outside. Please do not try anything cheeky if you know what I mean!"
He looked deeply offended. "Whaaaat?! I would never."
ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ )
Receipt number five came from Anthony and Daphne. Who had only wanted to invite everyone to a family picnic. The pair found Colin and Penelope in the Bridgerton theater room instead, conveniently tucked away from everyone else. Rather—they found a mountain of blankets. A large bowl of popcorn. Two pairs of socked feet sticking out from beneath. Somewhere inside all of that, presumably, Colin and Penelope.
The room was dark save for the glow of the television and some horrifying creature was currently chasing screaming teenagers through a forest. A muffled yelp escaped Penelope and something moved beneath the blanket.
Daphne exchanged a look with Anthony. Anthony already looked tired. "Hello, you two."
Penelope's head emerged first. "Oh, hi guys!"
"Hello." Colin reached into the popcorn bowl. Offered it to Penelope first. Only after she'd taken some did he help himself.
Anthony's eye twitched. "Could you please remove the blanket?"
"Why?" Colin asked.
"Because I asked."
More shifting, more rustling, more suspicious movement occurred. Eventually, the blanket slid downward.
Anthony immediately wished it hadn't because there they were. Bodies were curled together on the sofa. Penelope tucked against Colin's side. Colin's shoulder pressed against hers. Their hands were intertwined, not resting near each other, not touching accidentally. Finger for finger. Locked together like puzzle pieces.
The horror movie continued screaming in the background.
Anthony pointed at their hands. "What is that?"
Colin looked equally confused. "Oh, you mean our hands? Pen was scared."
Daphne completed the query. "Penelope, tell me honestly. Is my brother forcing you to hold his hand?"
Colin gasped. "Daphne! I am appalled. No, genuinely." He sat up straighter. "I am deeply offended that you think I would force Penelope into anything she doesn't want to do with me."
Penelope nodded immediately. "I needed to hold his hand."
Anthony frowned. "You needed to?"
"The scary parts were happening."
"But, you love horror movies?"
"I calm her down." Colin answered.
"Penelope," Daphne said carefully, "you know you don't have to hold Colin's hand, right? There are pillows for your disposal."
"I know." Penelope looked genuinely puzzled by the question. "...but I like holding Colin's hand."
Beside her, Colin nodded. "Plus my hand is usually there."
"That is not helping, brother," Anthony informed him.
The creature on screen suddenly jumped out from the darkness.
Penelope got startled and immediately squeezed Colin's hand and he squeezed back.
Anthony rubbed his forehead. "I get it but, she's no longer your girlfriend."
Daphne sighed. "Also, we're having a family picnic outside... and it won't be a complete family picnic if you're here...inside, alone... watching a movie... on your own... while we're all out there. Please come join us when the movie is over."
"Alright." The two said in unison.
"See you two in a bit." Daphne followed Anthony as he shut the door.
"I don't think those two understand what being an ex is all about."
"Maybe they believe it's just a different word for dating?"
"Yeah? Well, it's giving me a headache." Anthony shook his head.
ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ )
Receipt number six came from Lady Violet and Lady Portia, which was particularly alarming because both women had raised them and they had witnessed first crushes, broken hearts, dramatic declarations, questionable life choices, and enough teenage nonsense to fill several books. Nothing had prepared the mothers for Colin and Penelope.
Sometime before noon, Lady Violet arrived at the Featherington house. The butler had barely opened the door before she heard familiar laughter drifting from somewhere deeper inside the house. A laugh she knew well. Lady Violet frowned. That couldn't be right. She stepped into the hall and there he was.
"Colin?"
He looked up. "Oh, hello, Mother."
"What are you doing here?"
The question seemed to genuinely confuse him. He gestured vaguely toward the stairs. "Helping Penelope. We're decluttering."
"We?"
Then he smiled. "Anyway, I should get back upstairs." Before she could ask another question, he disappeared.
A moment later Portia entered. "Violet, you're here! I know that look in your eyes and yes, he's been here every day."
Violet looked horrified. "Every day?"
"Every single day." Portia nodded. "It's hard to think this thing between them happened last week."
"I thought he would stop coming over."
"So did I. But, he actually spends more time here now."
The two mothers had no choice. They listened to the occasional thump from upstairs, the sound of laughter, more laughter, Colin's voice and then Penelope's.
Violet straightened. "Wait. We're letting them spend time alone in her bedroom?"
"Well, they've always spent their time..." Portia's eyes widened. "You think they'd be cheeky with us around, Vi?"
"I don't know. Do you want to check on our children?"
"I absolutely want to check on our children."
They immediately stood then marched upstairs with all the determination of women preparing to catch them in the act. Unfortunately for them, Colin and Penelope were entirely innocent. When they reached the bedroom, the door stood open. Inside, Colin was carrying a large box toward one corner of the room and Penelope sat cross-legged on the floor sorting through old books. Her room was a complete disaster. Boxes everywhere. Clothes piled high. Half-open drawers.
"Mum, is it time for lunch?" Penelope asked.
Violet and Portia exchanged a glance. Nothing appeared inappropriate. Yet something felt deeply wrong.
"We were just checking."
"Checking?" Colin asked.
Portia smiled tightly. "Oh, you know how mothers are..." As though that made perfect sense. "Careful with that one. Is it heavy?"
"No." Colin turned to Penelope, "Where do you want this, Pen?"
Penelope pointed. "Next to my desk." Meanwhile, she had found an old sweater. "Colin, what do you think? Keep or throw?"
"Mm? You hate this sweater."
"I do?" Pen frowned.
"You said you looked like a depressed potato when you wear it."
"It was your birthday gift," she pointed out.
Colin froze. "What?!"
Penelope grinned.
"Pen, I mean..." he couldn't defend himself. "Right..." Colin couldn't help but give out a laugh then immediately doubled over when Penelope threw a rolled-up sock at him. The sock missed completely.
Before either mother realized it, they were smiling as they watched their children act the way they always had.
"I think we're the only ones taking this "breakup" seriously." Violet nudged Portia.
Portia had no choice but to agree. Whatever these thought they had "broken up" from...it certainly wasn't each other.
ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ )
The final receipt didn't matter anymore. It was Penelope's birthday dinner that evening, and everyone was there. There was far too much food, and far too much wine, which was perhaps why nobody noticed the truth sooner.
Despite supposedly being Penelope's ex-boyfriend, Colin was acting suspiciously like the host. He arrived early, helped set up decorations, carried chairs, arranged flowers, then spent the rest of the evening glued to Penelope's side. As he always did.
Nobody questioned why he sat beside her anymore because that was an exhausting battle for anyone.
Colin had somehow outdone himself for her birthday this year. The cake? It was the largest one in the room, from her favorite bakery. The gift? It was actually the biggest box with several little gifts Penelope had mentioned wanting over the last few months.
When she opened the box, her smile was the biggest. "You remembered?"
Colin looked offended. "Of course I remembered."
Daphne drained the rest of her wine. "I really can't do this anymore."
Beside her, Eloise nodded and topped off her glass. "You and me both."
Out of nowhere, Francesca put down her goblet and everyone knew what that look meant. She rarely spoke outright, which meant when she did, people listened. She looked thoughtfully between Colin and Penelope. "I've been thinking. I don't know how to phrase this." She glanced toward Colin and Penelope. "You keep saying you're no longer boyfriend and girlfriend."
"Correct," Colin replied.
"Yes," Penelope agreed.
Francesca nodded. "Does that mean you're technically exes because... you're something more?"
Everyone slowly turned toward them and true enough, the pair had absolutely nothing to say.
"Oh my God. WHAT ARE YOU TWO?"
The room held its breath.
"YOU TWO ARE SOMETHING MORE?" Someone repeated.
Finally Colin scratched the back of his neck. Penelope stared very intently at her cake.
Colin sighed. "Well."
"We're married," Penelope added.
"WHAAAAAAAT?!"
The room exploded.
"MARRIED?"
"Married married?" Anthony shouted back.
"WHEN?"
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US?"
"HOW LONG AGO?"
"OH MY GOD, YOU TWO GOT MARRIED LAST WEEK DIDN'T YOU?!"
Francesca pointed triumphantly. "I KNEW IT."
Eloise moved first. "SHOW ME YOUR HAND." She launched herself across the table and grabbed Penelope's wrist. On her finger, was a ring. Not flashy. Not huge. Just unmistakably a wedding ring. Eloise tilted it and spotted the tiny engraving. C & P. She made a noise that sounded like a teakettle exploding.
Across the table Benedict suddenly stood as well. "CHECK COLIN'S RING!" His finger pointed toward Colin's left hand, where another ring gleamed beneath the dining room lights.
"HE HAS ONE TOO!"
"YOU GUYS ELOPED?!" The siblings erupted.
Francesca sat back smugly. "HA! My theory has been proven."
Meanwhile, Colin and Penelope sat quietly.
Across the room, Lady Portia slowly reached for her fan. "My nerves." She began fanning herself furiously. "I require air."
Beside her, Lady Violet looked equally overwhelmed until she started laughing.
"Violet? Are you quite alright?"
Her friend leaned closer. "At least we were not hallucinating all along, my friend."
Portia considered it before burst out laughing too. Because honestly? The signs had been there. Of course, they were married. It was the only explanation that made any sense. "Wait, does that mean we're family now, Vi?!"
"I...I guess so, Portia!" Lady Violet clasped her friend's hand tight.
Anthony stood, a little unsteady from the wine, a little emotional from the revelation and perhaps a little relieved. "I THINK IT IS JUST PROPER THAT I ASK THIS, AS THE HEAD OF THE FAMILY. WERE YOU TWO BEING TECHNICAL WITH US ALL THIS TIME?!"
Colin held out his hand for Penelope. "Family, it is true that Pen and I are no longer boyfriend-girlfiend... for we are husband and wife."
"We wanted to tell you but couldn't find the right time." Penelope reasoned.
Prudence and Philippa looked at each other before gulping more wine. "Thank goodness for the wine!"
Anthony grabbed his wine glass. "CHEERS TO THE FACT THAT WE WERE NOT GOING CRAZY ALL THIS TIME!"
"To not hallucinating!"
"To Francesca being right!"
"To the ridiculousness of it all and yet we're here to accept it!"
"To Mr & Mrs Colin and Penelope Bridgerton!"
It all made perfect sense now. This was exactly the sort of unhinged thing Mr. and Mrs. Colin and Penelope Bridgerton would do. Not out of malice. Not out of secrecy. Simply because they had become so accustomed to belonging to each other that the distinction between dating, breaking up and moving to the next level, which meant being married had apparently stopped mattering somewhere along the way. They were hopelessly, cluelessly, and profoundly in love...and everyone else had been the last to find out.