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“JAX YOU %#$HOLE! WHERE THE F@$& ARE YOU?!” Zooble screamed, stomping through the hallway, already on their way to his room. Pomni and Ragatha were walking and talking just a few feet away when they heard the shouting. Ragatha sighed.
“What did he do this time?” she asks defeatedly.
“That %$#hole put spiders in Gangle’s room!” they shout.
Pomni didn’t even look up when she spoke, “He’s in his room.” she says.
“I’m going to give that %!#&head a piece of my mind.” Zooble says, already starting for his room. Ragatha and Pomni decide to go into Pomni’s room to talk, as they may get distracted by all of the yelling from Jax’s room that’s about to happen.
Zooble swung the door to Jax’s room open without warning and started screaming, “JAX I SWEAR TO-” but what they saw made them falter.
They saw Jax on the floor next to his bed, a photo ripped in half in front of him, and-
“Zooble what the f#@%?! Don’t you knock?!” He screamed shakily at them, quickly and painfully wiping tears from his eyes and trying to hide his arms from them, but it was too late. They saw everything. But of course, as usual, he quickly tried to deflect.
“D-did Gangle get the surprise I gave her?” he asks with a horribly obvious stutter.
Zooble saw right through it, though, “Don’t deflect, idiot. I can see through your bull$%!&. What the f%#$ were you just doing?”
“I was sitting on the floor.” he says, trying to regain his usual snarky attitude, but it doesn’t seem to be working very well, because Zooble keeps prying.
“Jax,” they deadpanned, “be honest.” They shut the door to his room, “I… won’t tell anyone.” they say with a slightly softer tone.
Jax faltered for a moment, unsure of what to do or say. He was caught. Holy s#%! he was caught.
“I-” That’s all he could get out before his voice caught and he started shaking. He felt the all too familiar feeling of heaviness on his chest and the ringing in his ears. His breathing became unstable and erratic, just like it had only a few hours ago in that bathroom.
“Jax, stay with me.” Zooble said, noticing the signs of an imminent panic attack.
He barely heard them speak. They sounded far away. Moments from the day flashed by in his mind. Him and Pomni singing Daisy Bell outside Zooble’s room. Him and Pomni casually chatting. Him and Pomni winning the team adventure. Him pushing Pomni away when she hugged him. A reflexive movement that he regretted immediately. Pomni turning away when he said he’d forget her if she abstracted. Pomni, Pomni, Pomni. Every flashback was of her. That’s it, he’s had it.
“I’M SUCH A %#$&ING IDIOT!!!” he shouted, completely forgetting that Zooble was in the room, and threw the scissors that he had in his hand hard at the wall. “Why? Why do I always have to ruin all of my relationships? Why did I push her away? Why did I push all of them away? Why can’t I just be a normal #$@&ing person?!” Tears streamed down his face. He didn’t even notice them at all. He was too far into his mind.
Zooble was rightfully concerned, and all of the anger they had for him was now replaced by worry and maybe even sympathy. “Jax..?” they tried calling out. He just kept talking, manically ranting, forgetting they were even there.
Zooble searched his room for something that might help break him out of his spiral. They landed on tossing a conveniently weighted rabbit plush into his lap.
Jax felt the heavy plush land on his lap and snapped out of his spiral for long enough to see Zooble looking at him with clear concern.
“Hey, you with me again?” they ask. Jax nods, holding the plushie with a death grip, desperately trying to ground himself. “Can you stay with me this time?” they ask. He doesn’t know how to answer that question.
“I… don’t know.” he whispers in a hoarse voice.
“Do you want a blanket?” Zooble asks. “Used to help me ground myself again. Especially a weighted one. Do you have a weighted one?”
Jax pointed to the dresser across the room, “Bottom drawer.” he said quietly.
Zooble walked over to the dresser and opened the drawer to find a soft purple weighted blanket neatly folded in the drawer. They grunted as they lifted it out and shut the drawer with their foot. They unfolded it and draped it over Jax’s shoulders. He gripped it tightly and wrapped himself in it even more as he still struggled to slow his breathing.
“Is it helping? Even a little bit?” Zooble asks after a few moments of awkward silence.
Jax nods, “Thanks…” he says with an immediate bright embarrassed blush. He leans against his bed, “I’m such an a%$hole, aren’t I?”
“You are.” Zooble agrees. “But what were you manically ranting about? What happened earlier with Pomni?”
“I was being a d%@&, as usual. Nothing else to it.” he says.
“You said you pushed everyone away. That you ruin your relationships.”
“S%#&, you heard all that?” he asks. Zooble nods. “Well, I’m not going to explain all of that to you just because you saw one panic attack.”
“I’m not expecting much of an explanation from you.” they say. “But it was more than a panic attack, Jax. It was like a full-on breakdown. A manic episode even, although a short lived one. I’m a little worried about you, as much as I hate to admit it.”
“Why do you even care? I thought you hated me.”
Zooble sighs, “I don’t hate you, idiot.” they say. “To me you’re kinda like… an annoying younger brother.”
“We’re the same age.”
“I’m still clearly more mature than you.”
There’s a long awkward pause, but Jax breaks the silence, “You see me as a brother…?” he asks quietly.
“Well, you sure act like my brother, annoying the s#%! out of me all the time. So yeah, I guess I do.”
Jax turns away as new tears start forming, trying to make sure Zooble doesn’t notice. It works for a while, and there’s a stretch of silence. But then he starts crying audibly, unable to hold it in anymore.
He huffs out a sarcastic laugh, “G-god, am I pathetic or what?”
“You’re not pathetic.” Zooble says. “You just held it in too long.”
“No I haven’t!” he yells. “I cried after I saw Kaufmo abstracted! I cried like the pathetic little baby I am! And now I’m crying over this? How pathetic am I?” He wraps the blanket tighter around him and pulls it up to cover his head.
“I just want to talk to her…” he whispers. “I need to talk to her. I-I don’t want her to hate me anymore. I just-” his voice cuts out, and he just stops speaking.
Zooble walks closer and lifts the blanket up so they can see him, “You’re talking about Pomni, aren’t you?” He nods. “Maybe I can convince her to visit you if you want me to go get her.”
“She won’t come. She hates me now.”
“I’m sure she doesn’t. She might be a little upset, but I don’t think she hates you.”
“I told her I’d forget her if she abstracted!” he shouts. “How can she not hate me?!”
Zooble sighs, “You’ve said and done terrible things to everyone here, but none of us hate you. Not even Gangle.”
“I… I need to talk to Pomni.” he whispers.
“L-like now, or…?”
“Yes. Now.” he says. “I… need her here right now.”
“I’ll go get her.” Zooble says. They start walking out, but pause and turn back around, “...Please don’t do that again while I’m gone.” they say. They then turn back around and walk out, shutting the door behind them.
Zooble walks across the hall and knocks on Pomni’s door. It takes just a few seconds for Pomni to open the door.
“Oh, Zooble!” she exclaims in surprise. “What’s up?”
“Oh, hi Zooble!” Ragatha says from Pomni’s bed, waving to them.
“Hey. Can I come in for a sec?”
“Yeah, sure.” Pomni says, backing up so they can walk in and close the door. “So… what did you need?”
“Well, I don’t need anything. But Jax does.”
“Is he okay?” Ragatha asks.
“Honestly? No. He’s not okay. But he’d probably kick my a$# if I told you that, Ragatha, so don’t tell him you know about this, okay?”
“O-okay. I promise.”
“Pomni?”
“Yeah?”
“He said he needs to talk to you. Like he really needs to talk to you. He’s… not doing too well after… earlier. I think he wants to apologize.”
“Jax? Apologizing? Sounds a little strange.” says Ragatha.
“No, I believe them. I just… I don’t know how to talk to him again.”
“He also said he doesn’t want you to hate him anymore, which seems to be what he was trying to make happen.”
“I don’t hate him. I’m just upset that he said that.”
“I told him that.”
“Okay. I’ll go talk to him.” Pomni says. “Sorry, Ragatha, can we finish our talk later?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. Good luck.”
Pomni smiles and heads across the hall. She gently pushes open Jax’s door.
“Jax?” she calls. Jax looks up from the cocoon of his weighted blanket, holding the rabbit plush tight in his lap. “Zooble said you needed to talk to me.” Jax nods. Pomni walks over and sits down next to him.
“I’m sorry.” he says quietly. “I’m such an %$#hole. I hate what I said to you. I only just now realized that I don’t want you to hate me like… the others.”
“I don’t hate you.” Pomni says. “Yeah, I’m upset about what you said, but I could tell you were hurting. I’m sorry too.”
“For what?”
“Pushing too hard. I should’ve known when to back off. I’m sorry too.”
“It’s not your fault. It’s just… how I am, I guess.” There’s a stretch of silence, but then Pomni asks a question Jax never thought she’d ask after today.
“Do you want to try a hug again?”
Jax stared in astonishment for a few moments before immediately grabbing Pomni and hugging her tight.
“Guess that’s a yes.” she says with a light chuckle, wrapping her arms around him.
Tears once again begin to fall. But Jax doesn’t care anymore. Pomni doesn’t hate him, and that’s all that matters right now. All he cared about right now was her being here. He didn’t ever want to push her away again.
“I-I’m sorry, I just-”
“Don’t be sorry. You can cry.” Pomni says softly.
“I feel pathetic.” he says plainly.
“You’re not. It’s a normal human thing to do.” she says. “It doesn’t make you weak or pathetic.”
“That’s not what I was told…” he mutters.
“What?”
“N-nothing. Just… don’t tell anyone else about this.”
“I won’t.”
“Promise me.” Jax says, trying to hide the desperation in his voice.
“I promise I won’t tell a single soul that doesn’t already know.” Pomni says.
“Okay. Good.” Jax says. They sit in silence for a few minutes, just being there for each other.
Jax attempts to stand up to get back to his bed, but fails miserably and falls down. The weighted blanket was just too much for his tired legs to hold up. “S%#&...” he mutters. “Ow.”
“Do you need help?” Pomni asks.
“...Maybe.”
Pomni smiles and carefully takes the blanket off of him. Because of her small stature, she struggles to lift it up onto the bed all the way, but as Jax sits down, he helps her get it up the rest of the way.
“You should rest.” Pomni says now that he’s on his bed and seemingly more calm.
“I don’t want to be alone.” The words sound wrong coming out of his mouth. But it’s true, he doesn’t want to be alone right now.
“I wasn’t planning on leaving you alone, silly.” Pomni says as she crawls onto the bed and sits next to him. “I’ll be right here.”
Jax can’t help but laugh, “You really are throwing yourself at me, huh?”
“What if I am?”
“I- uh- well, I-”
Pomni giggles, “Here.” She hands him the weighted rabbit plush he was holding before. Jax takes it.
“Well, are you?”
“If I was…” Pomni muses, “would you say yes? Hypothetically, of course.”
“Hypothetically, I might say yes. But only hypothetically, because this is a hypothetical question.”
“Would you say yes if it wasn’t hypothetical?”
Jax blushes and looks away from her. “I would.” he whispers.
“Good. Because it’s not hypothetical.” Pomni says, smiling softly.
Jax looks back at her, “Really?” he asks.
“Of course, dummy.” she says, gently taking his hand. “You should rest for real now though.”
“Yeah…” Jax says. He doesn’t move though. He just sits there, staring at the wall across from him.
Pomni finally breaks the silence, “I know I’m kinda small but… do you wanna maybe, like… cuddle?” That get’s Jax’s attention immediately, and he quickly turns to look at her. “I-I’m kinda new to this whole relationship thing but… I think you kinda need it. And… I kinda do too, honestly.” she says. “I’m usually not one who likes being touched all too much, but… this is different.” She blushes, “You’re different.”
“That’s kinda cringe, you know.” Jax says.
“Jax! I just poured my heart out and that’s all you have to say?!”
He laughs, “No, no, that’s not all I have to say.”
“Okay… then answer my question.”
“…Yeah, sure. Why not?” he says quickly, blushing and turning away. “Woah!” Jax exclaims as he’s tackled down in a hug by Pomni. They both break out into a laughing fit, but are desperately trying to stay quiet because the others might hear them.
Their laughter eventually dies down and Pomni just whispers, “Love you, idiot.”
“Love you too… or whatever…” Jax mumbles. “That doesn’t look too comfortable.” he says, pointing out the strange position Pomni’s currently in. They both shift around until they’re in a position that they’ve both deemed comfortable. Pomni has ended up once again on top of Jax because of her size, and Jax ends up covering both of them with the weighted blanket and wrapping his arms around her. Jax feels Pomni gently scratching at the base of one of his ears. He sighs softly and leans into the touch. They don’t say another word for a long time. Until Jax starts purring.
“Are you purring?” Pomni asks. Jax blushes brightly, groaning in embarrassment. “That’s adorable.” she says.
“Please shut up…” he mumbles. “This is so embarrassing.”
“It’s cute.”
“You’re making it worse.”
“I know. I can hear it.” Jax groans again. Pomni laughs, “Do you want me to stop?”
“No.” he answers way too quickly. “It… feels nice.”
Pomni smiles smugly, “I thought so.”
“Okay, no more talking. I’m tired.”
“Goodnight, then.” Pomni whispers.
“Night.”
Jax finally lets his eyes fall shut. He keeps focusing on Pomni. The weight of her on top of him, the feeling of her scratching the fur at the base of his ear. He doesn’t once think of anything else. For the first night since Ribbit and Kaufmo abstracted, he finally feels at peace. It’s a nice feeling. He lets his body finally relax fully, and slowly drifts to sleep.
Pomni keeps scratching his fur until he falls asleep. She listens to his soft purring, wondering why she hadn’t done this earlier. It feels nice to finally have someone to keep her company while she sleeps. She hopes that this will finally put a stop to, or at least lessen, her nightmares. She finally lets her thoughts rest, and drifts to sleep as well.