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Etho did not know what to do.
Space was... weird. Though it's not like they were actually in space, more so in a spaceship that was in space. But the windows---the very, very few windows---all showcased an eternal void. It had been long since it had showcased any kind of planet, let alone earth. It had been so long ago, now. And the resources for survival were thinning.
He could still remember the first outbreak of panic, when the controls had given out and the spaceship had shown signs of drifting away from any kind of civilisation.
Bdubs had spoken up.
"Alright, then! We've got to make proper rations, and for the love of god, pack up these card games!"
Tango had been the one that laughed first. It had probably been a mix of both amusement and nervousness, but he'd been the first to do so anyway. Evidently, afterwards, Skizz had taken him by the shoulder and laughed full heartedly alongside him.
Etho had stayed back. He'd had his mask on, as he always did, so he'd allowed himself to let out a small smile, unbeknownst to the trio, who were trying to keep up a happy and upbeat mood in these dire situation.
Looking back on it, Etho almost wished he'd swallowed his pride and laughed alongside them. Full chested or even a small chuckle would've been enough. He knew how precious the moments where he'd allow himself joy were to Bdubs. He knew the way it would make his eyes look bigger, brighter as they looked up at him, bright smile reflecting them.
Now... now, he could never see it again.
No. He could not think like this. He could simply not. He was supposed to be affected by---by everything. He needed to keep up facade. He needed to be the one that was unaffected with it all.
He walked around a corner.
Especially when Tango was like this.
"...hey, Tango." He called out to his friend.
His friend. His friend who was currently such a complete and utter mess. He was sitting on the ground in a ball, with two to three cans of food sitting by his feet.
...well, there go a few more rations, Etho supposed. Did it really ever matter anymore?
No, the answer was. No. Especially when at the sound of his voice, Tango slowly lifted his head to look up at him. His eyes were red---and while that was usually the case, his pupils having a very rare, beautiful color--- his scerla was red. His eyes were shining. Tears were flowing down, his entire face turning pink.
He also wore eye bags of a size Etho couldn't possibly measure. And---while usually, while making this metaphor, he'd joke that Tango would go on a geometrical rangeant to calculate it himself, things had...
Well, they'd changed.
"I can't do anything." Tango admitted, his voice hoarse and small, damaged by the weeks they'd spent hopeless on this spaceship. "I can't, I can't, I can't---"
It had become routine for him to go down in spirals like these. Repeat sentences over and over again in a way that could classify him as a mad man. Etho didn't think of him that way, of course he didn't, but Bdubs used to shout it out with his whole chest and boisterous voice, which would then make Tango chuckle and snap out of it.
Bdubs wasn't here to do that now.
"You're... You're not useless." Etho said helplessly. He did not think he could offer comfort---not the way Skizz would, and the man was holed up in his corner of the spaceship.
Damn it, if Bdubs had been here, he'd have smacked him upside the head for having said this---Tango hadn't said he was useless. Etho was just putting more ideas into his head, feeding into his spiral.
"But I am!" Tango retorted sharply, his body snapping reactively, letting go of his ball position to be sprawled out on the floor and against the wall. "My sole---my sole job in this god damned spaceship was to keep---keep an eye on the engines, repair anything in case of emergency---and I couldn't even do that!"
His voice cracked towards the end. Etho wasn't sure how he could mend it.
He let out a sigh while Tango let out his sobs, the sound of his cries reverberating through the engine. His sole relief, Etho supposed, was that Skizz did not burst out of his room, nerves thin and patience through the roof, screaming at them to shut up.
Just a few weeks back, the mere idea could have never passed through his mind.
"It's---gonna be okay." He lied.
"Stop lying!" Tango called him out on it.
They were weeks out of earth. They had very few rations to their name. Their emergency system had been the first thing to shut down. They were in the middle of space, with no planets in sight, floating with no sight of rescue.
They were going to die there.
Just
like
bdubs
.
Etho left Tango alone.
It wasn't like he could do much, anyway. Bdubs had been the only one to get him out of his moods in a way that was gentle and slow like Skizz, but quick, snappy and full of laughter. Etho could never compare.
He also passed through Skizz's room without saying a word. It was not worth it. At least, Skizz got to be quiet in his grief---if he ignored the times he wasn't, at the very least. And Etho...
Etho was dealing with it. That was the way he could put it down as---he was dealing with it.
It wasn't like he could do much else.
So like---like when he wanted to laugh alongside his friends but didn't, Etho sat down on his bed and did not put down his mask. He simply did nothing, staring down at the floor and into the nothingness of it all.
He could cry, he supposed. He could.
He wouldn't.
Etho didn't know what to do, and he missed Bdubs.